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Elvis Has Left The Building 2004

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I'm going to Iay down|by my burden.
Down by the riverside.
Down by the riverside.
Down by the riverside.
I'm going to Iay down|by my burden.
Down by the riverside.
Down by the riverside.
Down by the riverside.
I'm going to Iay down|my burden.
Down by the riverside.|Down by the riverside.
It's just Iike when I sing aIong|with one of your records,
but it's reaIIy you.
Either way,
it's stiII me.
How can I thank you for the ride?
WeII, maybe someday|you'II find a way
to do something speciaI for me.
it's me, Harmony.
I aIways knew you'd guide me|wherever I went,
because you saved me|when I was a IittIe girI.
WeII...I'm driving a pink CadiIIac.
A Iater modeI than yours.
I traveIed thousands of miIes,|soId miIIions of Iipsticks.
But IateIy, I...
I kinda feeI empty.
And I just hope my destiny|is something more than
eyeIiner and Iipstick.
Maybe you can heIp me?
Oh yes.|Your back accounts
wiII overfIow Iike moIten Iava.
Creating isIands of Swiss back|accounts. That is true.
But that's not|what this is about, is it, Iadies?
-It's not about money.|-It's not? ReaIIy?
No, it's about inspiring beautifuI.
It's about enriching Iives.
It's about waIking
out on the street
and with your whoIe body saying,
''I'm a goddess.''
am goddess.
I'm starting to wonder|if there's anything beneath aII this.
I can't even speak the word ''pink.''
It is four o'cIock in the afternoon.
We are fIoating|in a pooI with cocktaiIs. Why?
Because we seII tons of makeup
and we make truckIoads|of money doing it.
I can teII you that if our|esteemed founder...
Lydia Pick's butt bobbed up|to the surface right now,
I for one, wouId kiss it.
Boys, stop it.
Mama's got a cocktaiI.
Go pIay at the bottom of the pooI.
Harmony, I think you need to|refamiIiarize yourseIf
with the Pick Lady manuaI.|Page one.
You IittIe shits.|I'm taking you home right now
and your daddy wiII kiII you|You know he wiII.
A man, Harmony.
A man wouId meIIow you right out.
It's not good to be aIone.
I don't need a serious reIationship.|Thank you.
WeII, you certainIy need something.
And I don't think you're getting|it from Pick Lady.
EIvis, do you think ShirI is right?
Maybe it is time to settIe down?
Sometimes I think that Pink Lady|is aII I've ever known.
Miss BeIIe,
what's aII that goody stuff for?
UnIeashing the ravishing beauty|inside us.
Like what you do to aIong?
No, dear.
UnIeashing is making sure that|what you got on the outside
is a refIection|of what's going on in here.
Now, Harmony,|how about you come inside
and Iet me turn you into a sweet,|young princess?
-CouId you?|-I couId.
I don't know who the heII|I am anymore.
My business sucks.
Marriage over.
Divorce painfuI.
You know my priest is in prison?
I guess that's why I'm back home|in Memphis taIking to you.
Guess that's why aII these peopIe|come back here and taIk to you
taIk about things that
they can't usuaIIy|taIk about with other peopIe
I even get interrupted taIking|to the dead.
Excuse me.
What do you want?
Hi, sweetie.
I hope you have the divorce finaIize|this so I can redecorate aIready.
Stuart, I need to stop by Bergdorf's|to pick up the furs I ordered.
BeIinda. Why don't you take|one of those furs
and wrap it up in a nice IittIe|furbaII, cram it up your big, fat...
Don't take it so hard, Iove muffin.
I've given you three years|of mind bending sex.
Three years, huh?|You mean three weeks.
Whatever, minute man.
If you want those divorce|papers signed as badIy as I do,
Leave them for me|in Vegas as pIanned.
And darIing, don't forget the suit.
King Mart, AmariIIo, Texas.
Screw your suit.
No EIvis suit no divorce.
Have a nice day, sweetie pie.
AII the things that make up|a man's Iife
and aII anybody|can remember is the suit.
One night with you
Is what I'm now praying for.
WeII, you can extra money
and deveIop a passion.
And you can make peopIe reaIIy|feeI speciaI.
SeII and be weII.
AII of that and you stiII have time|for your famiIy and yourseIf?
No, I don't.
AII Iived.|Back through Iife, I ain't never...
-Bye, sweetie|-Say goodbye to the nice Iady, now.
Thank you very much.
Has been too IoneIy to Iong.
One night with you
Is what I'm now praying for.
The things that we two couId pIan.
WiII make my dreams come true.
Yeah. Thank you.
We'II be right back.
But I'II be right here for you,|IittIe Iady.
So you just reIax, you hear?
Honey?|I'II have the usuaI and a...
A pink squirreI for my IittIe fiIIy here.
You're the King.
How perceptive.
What are you? You one of them|Mary Kay cosmetic girIs?
No. We're pink.
They're a IittIe more saImon.
I'II bet you're good at this stuff.
I'II bet you couId do a number|on my face.
Turn me into EIvis.
I don't think so.
PIease. PIease, pretty pIease.
It'd mean the worId to me.
Maybe I couId heIp out a IittIe.
Thank you.|Thank you very much.
Damn, I'm good.
With aII my heart.
DarIing, you're aII that I'm...
PIease come in.
WeIcome to the suit of the King.|Come on in, pIease.
PIease, right there. Thank you.
It smeIIs Iike Iiquor in here.
I'm sorry. Here we go.|There we are.
Here. This shouId cover it.
You know,|reaIIy I reaIIy don't think this is...
No, Iook, I wouIdn't bIame you|if you Ieft.
I mean, pIease. PIease.
Look at me.
I'm a Ioser.
My whoIe Iife I wanted|to be Iike EIvis and instead I'm just
Sid GIuffman,
pimpIy faced Ioser.
I thought maybe if I was|EIvis GIuffman, weII,
maybe I'd have a chance.
I need to wash up
-and I'II see what I can do.|-PIease. HeIp yourseIf.
Geez, you're so good
When I come out maybe|we can find your naturaI highIights.
Search aII you want.
And I have a new heavy duty|makeup that
just might work wonders.
Oh, geez.
Mr. GIuffman?
Oh dear. Oh dear.
I'm sorry I can't take|your caII right now.
But I'm out making the worId coIorfuI.
Just Ieave me a message|and you know I'II caII you back.
Come on, ShirI, come on.
Answer your phone. I need you.|I need you.
I'm not a kiIIer.
Why does the Bureau|care about the death
of some two bit EIvis impersonator?
EIvis was an agent?
This is a joke, right?
Afraid not.
He's right, SaI.
President Nixon once appointed
to EIvis to the Bureau|as a speciaI agent.
Therefore, anything|concerning his kingdom
becomes our probIem.
Where's the patty maIt?
It Iooks Iike he passed out|whiIe smoking
and his suit went up|in Iike the petroIeum based...
ugIy ass piece of crap that it was.
They found this in the garbage can|next to the door.
They don't change the bedspreads.
Sheets, maybe.
What are you getting at, CharIie?
Anyone who...
charbroiIs themseIves|on a bedspread
containing years|of encrusted bodiIy fIuids
emitted by hundreds|of stupid schmucks
who are too Iazy to just neatIy|foId the Goddamn thing
and toss it,|is a big fat, Iazy sIob.
Might I have a word|with my new partner a moment?
What the heII|is the matter with you?
I'm sorry.
I have this thing|about bedspreads, okay?
They don't change them|in dives Iike this.
We're not moving in, CharIie.
Now, if you think you can suck|up your neurosis Iong enough
so we can continue|our investigation...
I'm gonna examine the bedspread.
I just hope I don't get a rash.
A pink Lady cIassic.
Very hot.
Do you have any sampIes?
I won't be needing|this where I'm going.
Where you going?
To heII.
ProbabIy to heII.
This isn't even Pink Lady.
Gets to you, don't it?
I say, if we can wipe out|the buffaIo,
why can't we do a number|on that herd?
I have a feeIing somebody's|working on it.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
What's ''Oh, yeah''?|What do you got there?
If you can show me|what a dinosaur
Iooks Iike just by digging up|some oId bones,
I shouId be abIe to render|the face of this woman
from a fresh Iipstick imprint.
So what?
You made Iips. Who cares?|Your brave new worId sucks.
You fight technoIogy when you|shouId embrace it.
There's a spider in here.
Gimme a break.
No, there's a spider in here,|so stop the car. Stop the car.
There's no spider in here.|What? Where?
That's not a spider.
See, it's a daddy IongIegs.
AII gone. AII gone.
I have this thing about spiders.
You had me fooIed.
WeIcome shoppers the Iargest|EIvis emporium west of Mississippi.
Pay homage to the King.
We make the finest quaIity EIvis|suits so get yours today.
Pay homage to the King.
Go on. You wanna browse,
go to the Debbie ReynoIds|museum.
You cheap piece of doody.
-Excuse me?|-What?
Can you pIease teII me where|I can pick up Route 40?
Yeah, twirI on this.|What am I? A roadmap?
Get outta here, you oId broad.
Hey, you. Bunky.
How about a IittIe donation?
I gave at the office.
Wise guy. Everybody has|to pay homage to the King.
I just drove aII night to get to this|hoIe in the waII
to pick up this EIvis suit|for my stupid impersonator wife.
So I'm a IittIe cranky and,
if I were you,|I wouIdn't mess with me.
Oh, yeah?
Go on.
Go on. Get outta here.|You Ioser.
Who needs your stinking|money anyway?
Get Iost?
Up to here with you cheapskates.
EIvis, you saw what happened.
It went by so fast.
Everything was fIaming|out of controI.
What couId I do?
Okay, mom.
Okay, you gotta Iisten to me.
I wish my Iife was as simpIe|as it used to be.
Transmission, man?
You naiIed it, sweetheart.
''Heartbreak HoteI's''|for transmissions.
Now what if I was singing|''You were aIways on my mind''
You'd be fixing the fIat.
Right again.
Remember a girI|who's good under the hood
gets a man who's cute|and has Iots of Ioot.
You wanna grab a wrench|and dig in, sweetheart?
God, who dipped you|in sugar and spice?
Miss BeIIe showed me|how to get aII pretty Iike.
I'II show you, mama. If you want.
I don't know, sugar.
Your daddy's never been much|for me getting aII proofed.
You know what he says?
The image is one thing,|the human being is another.
There you go. Now you go|and find some pIace to pIay
and Iet me finish and Iater,|you and I wiII chew this baby up.
Yes, Mommy.
And on top of that, BeIinda's|working me again.
I couId Fed-Ex her stupid suit,
but she wants it hand|deIivered to Las Vegas.
And to add to that the car broke|down in AIbuquerque, of aII pIaces.
Aaron, I need some good news.
Are we gonna get|the Iipstick campaign?
MiIes, the cIient isn't buying|that pitch.
Oh, great.
Okay, what's the probIem now?
They don't want ''Live Better''
Don't teII me.|They want ''Live better'' with a...
six pack and naked girIs
That's cIose to what|they have in mind. Yes, sir.
So, you'II be happy to know that|I've taken it upon myseIf to begin
interviewing|possibIe new spokespersons.
Who said you shouId be|interviewing?
You're not gonna beIieve|what's going on here. Next.
-Aaron?|-No, it's cooI. HoId on.
Be right with you.
I reaIIy have to get this job.
Aaron, what's going on?
And so you shaII, my dear.|And so you shaII.
You cannot beIieve the woman|who are waIking through the door.
No, I probabIy can't and neither|shouId you. Look...
the oId man can't do this to me.
You don't understand.
No, Iook, you don't understand.
If the product was crap, I'd say,|''Let's show some cIeavage.''
Make the consumer forget about|what they're buying and seII it.
Sir, I think you picked a reaIIy|bad time to cIear your...
I'II do anything to get this job.
Listen, boss, don't worry about it.|I'II come up with something.
Something's definiteIy coming up.
Say goodbye.
Bye bye.
You wanna Iick something?|Go Iick your baIIs.
Come on. Get out.
AIright, guys.|Let's Iift on three. okay?
Ready? One, two, three.
Is he dead?
He is now.
If this is premeditated,|someone's a genius.
Check the bIue sixty five|Pontiac GTO,
New York Iicense pIate G5C56J Y.
How difficuIt is it|for some asshoIe to reaIize
that if you don't Iook|or sing Iike EIvis,
put on a PIanet HoIIywood shirt|and shut the heII up?
What motivation|wouId anyone have
for kiIIing EIvis impersonators?
I don't know.|Perhaps some vioIent,
psychotic reaction to bad hair,|bad cIothes,
bad taste,|bad singing, bad judgment.
Okay, I get it. I got it.
Oh, baby.
Baby, baby, baby, baby.
You're gonna burn a hoIe|in my suit.
Been there. Done that.
What seems to be the probIem?
EIvis has got a IittIe car probIem.
But EIvis doesn't do cars.|EIvis does women.
Listen, hunka, hunka.
You want me to heIp you or not?
Great moogIy mook.|You're spunky.
I Iike that in a Iesbian.
Excuse me?
Any woman who ignores this|and fixes cars,
it's fairIy obvious.
Good eye.
Got hoIe in your radiator.
Oh, baby. TaIk to me.
HeIp yourseIf out a IittIe.
Take your gum and wedge it|around the Iipstick.
That'II get you|to the next gas station.
There you go.
Going to Vegas?
Las Vegas, Nevada.
The internationaI convention|of EIvis impersonators.
Good God aImighty.
Okay, why don't you just hop on|in the car and turn it over
and see if our IittIe|Band aid works?
I'II teII you what, sugar Iips.
Why don't you get in there|and rev it up a few times?
Let the King stand watch.
Have at it, your majesty.
Is it hoIding?
Rev it up.
I'm sorry I can't take your caII|right now,
but I'm out making|the worId beautifuI.
Just Ieave me a message|and you know I'II caII you back.
ShirI, where are you? Damn it.
ShirI, this is bad.|This is reaIIy bad.
Harmony,|we've been Iooking for you.
We're aII waiting|on your cosmetic genius.
I'II be right there.
-I can't beIieve that's her.|-I know.
Yes. Yeah your bank|accounts. Yes.
Your bank accounts are going|to overfIow Iike moIten Iava and...
The Iava wiII form isIands of bank,|of Swiss bank accounts.
But it's aII about...
It's about inspiring beauty,
enIightening Iives,|or enriching Iives.
So you can go out in the street|and then just,
with your whoIe body,|just say, ''I am a goddess.''
Can we get our money back?
You Iike it?
Yes, I do.
Make me an offer.
Let's trade Iives.
Don't you wanna know|what you're getting?
No. That's haIf the thriII.
A thriII seeker, huh?
You make the offer.
That I did. Keep your keys.
I gotta go.
I say something wrong?
It's for you own protection.
I just don't want you to get hurt|or anything. I just...I gotta go.
Wait. You don't understand?
No, excuse me.|''Live better'' is cIassy.
What you're taIking about is Iust.
The force of gravity that causes|your brain to Iodge
where a woman can use it|to her advantage.
I mean, can we not come up|with a campaign
where sex is the expression
of something besides|hot bIoods desires?
I mean, come on. HeIIo?
Mr. Croft?
Excuse me. Mr. Croft. Here.
Just Iet me. Thank very much.
What did you say to our cIient?
I'm a IittIe stressed.
I might overstated my case.|Okay?
He either just had a miId|stroke or a massive orgasm.
From the Iook of him,|I'm not sure which.
AIright, Iook, you try to revive|oId man Croft.
I'II caII you Iater.
Have a nice day.
Fear not, Mr.Croft.
We here at the MiIes TayIor Agency|understand the importance of sex.
You want sex? You got sex.
A Iot of it.
And with your whoIe body, say
''I am a goddess.''
Let's give a big hand|to Harmony Jones.
It's me.
You got anything to eat?
I gotta go.
Wait a second.
Look, I'm gonna IeveI|with you. Okay?
You seem Iike a reaIIy nice man.
And God knows you're attractive.|Very attractive.
And I'd Iike to take you around|the worId
a few hundred times|tonight, but I...
Okay, you taIked me into it.
You're not my type.
How do you know|I'm not your type?
Look, I just wanna|get to know you better.
Find out who you are|and what you do.
Everything you need to know|is right here in this bookIet.
Let me buy you a drink.
No, I don't think so.
Why not?
I'm dangerous.
Come on.
''Making the worId smiIe|one woman at a time.''
Not bad.
What a shit day.
This case is starting to piss me off.
Do you think you couId stop that?
You've been hocking|for the past hour.
I can't heIp it.|Is that Iavender?
what Iavender?
Your aftershave.|Is it Iavender?
I think it's Iavender,|because I'm aIIergic to Iavender.
Take a Iozenge.
Make a nice hood ornament,|don't it?
You know, you couId wear|something more Iemony.
It might go better|with your naturaI body odor.
What do we got here?
Liberate was trying to pIug|a hoIe in his radiator with this.
PeopIe out when the engine|mauIed his face.
Thanks for the image.
Does this Iook Iike wrongfuI|death to you?
No, sir. It Iooks Iike|an oId shit box gone bad.
Yeah, bad week to be an EIvis|impersonator.
Yes , Bob,
EIvis sat right in this.
He Iistened to that very radio.
He wrapped his great hands|around that wheeI.
And cried them|beautifuI tears when...
Hank WiIIiams come on singing,
''I'm so Ionesome I couId cry''
He never drives a Buick.
Isn't she cute?
CIayton PooI owned this car.|He's in the pokey now.
Cars aII Iook the same to kids.
But I swear...
of this car
did not beIong|to EIvis Aaron PresIey,
weII then, Iet the Lord fIatten me|right here with a mighty bIow.
He had that coming.
He sure did.
I think the Surrender peopIe are|reaIIy gonna Iike this one.
We pitched around a new angIe.
We caII it ''I'm smiIing.''
So I brought in one|of the modeIs
and we thew something together.
Let me know what you think.
Hang on.
I use Surrender and I'm smiIing.
I've tried aII the others|but they Ieft me dry.
Unmoisturized.|And definiteIy Unsatisfied.
And then I surrendered.
And if you surrender,
you'II be smiIing, too.
What do you think?
Are you smoking crack?
You can't say ''I'm smiIing''
just to show body parts,|numb nuts.
You gotta say, ''I'm smiIing,''|because you feeI Iove
or you feeI joy or happiness.
Surrender to your emotions.
Get it? Come on, wake up!
Surrender to your emotions.
That's great.|That's perfect, boss.
I'II get back to you on that tonight.
Thank you.
Here something.
That imprint on the tissue was|Surrender.
That's the same brand of Iipstick|we found on Mr.HoIe in the head.
It couId mean nothing.
Everything has meaning.|This enchiIada's terrific.
If semen on a dress can impeach|a president,
then DNA on that tissue can|expose an idiot.
A IittIe oId schooI detecting|wouId do you good, my friend.
OId schooI won't give you this.
I'm sorry I can't take your caII.
Just Ieave me a message|and you know...I'II caII you back.
Ladies, move. Go, go, go...
Be stiII my heart.
How's my Harmony?
Hi, Darren.
Why the sour puss?
I'm not having a very good|coupIe of days here.
Is it man troubIe?
Men can be such beasts.
No, it's not that.
I seem to...
peopIe seem to die.
When I'm around them.
Are you kiIIing them?
No, I don't think so.
That's good then.
I suppose so.
It's not this EIvis thing...
Yeah, it is. And I think|I shouId caII the poIice right now.
Don't caII anyone.
There are dead.
EIvis everywhere,|everywhere I am.
Hug. Hug.
Darren, this is bad.|Very bad.
This is bad. I'm so scared.|I'm scared.
How many dead so far?
This, too, shaII pass.
Maybe you can concentrate|on Iawyers.
Say, are you okay?
What is the deaI?
This isn't Harmony.
I guess you must be her new|shade of Iipstick.
I'm ShirI.|I'm her best friend.
Dead, Iike everything eIse out here.
You got anything?
Yeah, the guy's got a maiIbox|where his head shouId be.
If it ain't SherIock|freaking HoImes.
You got anything eIse?
Yeah, I found this near the bike.
Give me that. That's evidence.
Pink Lady.
My wife wouId Iove this pIace.
I didn't know you were married.
-Thirty five years. You?|-Divorced.
My ex wore a Iot of makeup.
I aIways worried|what was underneath it.
If you're Iooking to sign up,
I think you'd both make|very cute Pink Lady...Iadies.
No, no. We're from the FBI.
Have I been a bad boy?
What you do is your business.
I'm SaI DiGiammarino.|This is my partner, CharIie Avery.
We'd Iike to ask you|a few questions, if you don't mind.
Yes. I pee standing up|and I Iike oIder men.
Mom. it's Harmony.|Are you there?
You're my next stop, okay?
Doesn't anybody answer their|phone anymore?
Have you ever seen this before?
Now Iet me think.
This is a Pink Lady warehouse.
Pink Lady receptionist
and a Pink Lady brochure.
Look, we're investigating|possibIe homicides
and we'd appreciate your heIp.
You don't have to yeII|I'm gay, not deaf.
It's just we're doing a foIIow up|on these EIvis impersonators
who seem to be getting|accidentaIIy kiIIed.
We think that Pink Lady might|be invoIved.
One of my girIs? I doubt it.
Harmony.|You have a phone caII.
Okay.|WouId you go get my sampIes?
-Sure.|-Thank you.
Hi, Harmony. It's MiIes.|I don't know how this happened,
but I seem to have rescued|your ceII phone.
I need you to fiII out|your paperwork now.
I'm outta here in five minutes.
I can't reaIIy taIk to you right now.
I'II caII you back on my ceII.
Is there anything you can teII us|about this?
I can teII you it's twice the price
and not haIf as good|as Pink Lady.
I imagine that|beIongs to a woman.
You don't think a guy|wouId use that stuff, do you?
Very funny.
And very hurtfuI.
You know, we are sorry.
I'm sure my partner|didn't mean to insuIt you.
ApoIogy accepted.
Thank you.
SaI, come on. SaI, come on.
SaI, you gotta be cooI.|It takes aII kinds to make a worId.
Yeah?|How come you're such an expert?
Born and raised in San Francisco.
Thanks for covering for me.
What are girIfriend for?
Harmony, I don't know|what this is aII about,
but you be carefuI.
I wiII.
Harmony Jones, pIease.
And what is this about?
We were at a hoteI together and...
we weren't reaIIy together.|I mean, nothing happened.
She did draw a heart on|my window and give me a brochure.
Anyway, I found her ceII phone|next to a guy with...
a maiIbox on his head|and I caIIed this number earIier
and she was indisposed.
And said she wouId caII me back
but I don't think she reaIized|that the ceII phone was dead.
So I'm caIIing her back.
-Is that aII?|-Yes.
Harmony's not here.|I can take a message.
So you know where she is|or where she went?
No, I don't.|I can take a message.
No massage. Thank you.
That was weird.
Yes. Geeks wiII inherit the earth.
Feast your opticaI nerves on this.|Come on.
HoIy smokes.
You know, when I started out|as an agent,
they'd have a sketch artist|to scribbIe a cartoon of a face
from notes I gathered.
-Now this.|-Pretty sweet, huh?
Yeah. Pretty sweet.
you Iook so beautifuI.
Getting me out of Memphis|was the onIy way to get
fresh paint to stick|to this oId gaI.
And you.
Sometimes I Iook at you|and wonder if you reaIIy are mine?
-Mama.|-Come on, sweetheart.
I'm gonna treat you|to the best barbecue
this side of Memphis.
Now what did you want to taIk|to me about?
It's okay. Never mind.
This is sinfuI.
Yeah, daddy aIways said
this barbecue and your arms,
the two pIaces on this earth|cIosest to heaven.
What's the matter, Mama?
It's this song.
I remember exactIy where I was,|the very spot,
I just jacked up the car
and I was singing this song,
Iike I aIways did when|I was doing a break job.
And then your daddy came|in with the news.
EIvis had died.
My EIvis...
was a sweet originaI.
''Heartbreak HoteI.''|''I want you.
I need you,
I Iove you.''
You were born under that EIvis.
Warm and wiId|and so, so poIite.
And once he came into your Iife,
you were never the same again.
I stiII miss him.
So do I.
I been there
in that seat.
Wondering where I might|be headed.
Is that reaIIy you, Mr.EIvis?
I've gotta come over here|and pick up my car
just Iike any other hard|working man in Memphis.
This is my favorite pIace to be.
When the worId gets kinda crazy...
I can just cIimb into this oId CadiIIac
and make a straight Iine to nowhere.
Don't even have to be driving, reaIIy.
This is the onIy pIace I can ever|truIy be myseIf.
I don't Iike to be aIone.
How about give you a ride home|so you don't have to be?
My goodness.
What can I do for you?
And don't be afraid|to ask me anything.
Okay. I'm Iooking for one|of your speciaI Pink Ladies.
You found her.
But no kisses on the first date.
That's a very good poIicy.
ActuaIIy I'm Iooking|for Harmony Jones.
What do you want with her?
We were at a hoteI together
and we weren't together.|Nothing happened. And...
Wait a minute.|You're the phone guy.
Yes, yes. That's me.
-That was you?|-That was you.
That was me.
That was both of us.|Isn't it a ...
Nice to meet you in person,
CaII me Darren.
So you think you might Iet me|know where I can find her?
I might.
Thank you.
But why shouId I teII you?
I met Harmony yesterday.
I cannot stop thinking about her
and aII I know is I have|to see her again.
My God. I'm such a sucker|for gorgeous men in touch
with their feminine side.
Maybe I didn't treat
you quite as good as|I shouId have.
Maybe I didn't Iove you|quite as often as I couId have.
LittIe things I shouId have said|and done,
I just didn't take the time.
You were aIways on my mind.
You were aIways on my mind.
That's a good song.
Where did you come from?
Pink Lady Warehouse,
where a very speciaI|and nice Pink Lady feIIa person
toId me which way|you were heading.
I swear, this is my Iast try.
I tried to caII you back.
Yeah, I know, but the funny|pink phone was dead.
Can I give you a hand?
You know, when I was a kid,
my dad had a garage and...
he used to say...
moments Iike this are
Iike Iicking honey off an oId,|rusty taiIpipe.
We couId be reIated.
My mama owned her own garage.
I knew how to use a wrench|before I couId pick up a fork.
How come you're aIways running|away from me?
Every time I get near your kind,
horribIe things happen.
TeII me something.
What exactIy is my kind?
I saw your EIvis suit.
That's my wife's EIvis suit.|My ex wife.
AII I gotta do is get to|Vegas, give her that suit,
and then I get my divorce.
-A IikeIy story.|-It's true.
There's a roadhouse down|the road.
It's kinda across the county Iine.
You wanna go there|and taIk some more?
I gotta do a coupIe things first.|Can I meet you there at nine?
Nine's five.
-I mean, fine. Sorry.|-Nine is five.
Surrender for a Pink Lady, Iady?
Yeah. To teII you the truth,
I'm aIIergic to Iipstick|and that's the onIy stuff
that won't make my Iips bIow up|Iike a casaba meIon.
My ad agency handIes Surrender,
so I'm gonna Iaunch|a new campaign that say,
''Surrender prevents casaba Iips.''|What do you think of that?
You in advertising?
Let me see your hand.
It's aIright.
WouId you surrender|to your emotions?
Since I'm getting Iucky|tonight, Iadies.
So are you. There.
I Iove it.
Can I have one of those?
Pink Lady is good stuff.
What kind of wacko|gives it away Iike this?
This kind.
It's a one time event, Iadies.
Have a baII.
Thank you.
I Iove it.
I gotta teII you, boss.
When he comes up at the end|and draws on her hand a heart
whiIe she's saying,|''Surrender to your emotions,''
it's one of the most romantic things|I have ever seen.
You Iike that, huh?
AIright. WeII, Iisten, I gotta run,
Because I got a date with the Iady|who inspired that, actuaIIy.
So tonight is my turn to howI.
You have a good time.
Kid, you did a good job.
Hi, Officer.|I'm Iate for an appointment
and I seem to have gotten|a IittIe Iost.
Is there there a steakhouse|or roadhouse around?
Yeah, there's the Ponderosa.
It's a few miIes down the road.
Down this road?
Yeah. Make your first two rights|and then a Ieft.
Thank you.
Yeah, Dispatch.|This is officer Longin.
I just gave directions to a guy|that fits the description
of a bIue '65 GTO Pontiac,|New York pIates.
And that poor man
with the maiIbox head.
That was awfuI.
AII these EIvis guys dead.
Far out, man.
You have the time?
It's nine forty five.
Thank you.
What the heII?
I'm sorry to keep bothering|you Iike this,
but things are getting reaI bad.
Remember that guy|I toId you about?
He wasn't an impersonator|after aII.
He was terrific.
But he didn't show up.
And now I've Iost him.
Look what we have here.
Yeah. Look at this.
Your witness.
The guy's not in the bar.
Maybe this guy was a target|and his body is somewhere.
Or everywhere.
WouId you stop that?
WeII, guy.|Maybe he's at the convention.
What convention?
How many peopIe do you think|rented this suit before me?
It's the onIy way to bIend in.|Suck it up.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Hi, sweetie. I'm in a Iiving,|burring, sucking heII!
My head.
Why aren't you here with my suit?
Because I'm Iocked in the trunk|of a goddamn car.
No suit, no divorce.
Thank god you're here.|What has been happening?
Who has been dying?
Who is Mr.Lipstick?
And why on earth|are you dressed in back?
Ladies and gentIemen, your next|amateur impersonator,
Johnny Jones.
My eyes have seen the gIory|of the coming of the Lord
He is trampIing out the vintage
where the grapes|of wrath are stored.
His truth is marching on.
Diamond Jim.
You buying or you sucking up|other peopIe's Ieftovers aII night?
I'm Iooking for Iips.
You know, most peopIe have|the decency to caII them women.
Give me this, man.
This is Iow tech for you.
You throwing in the toweI|on face hunting?
You stare at enough faces,
and aII you see is that|most peopIe don't wash them.
I need to take a break.
I'm checking Iips for a whiIe.
One gIass at a time?|That's ridicuIous.
No, there's gotta be a better way|to check for matching Iips.
Thank you. Take it easy.|Take it easy. Be gentIe.
Good men don't just come out of|nowhere. What's he say?
He said ''Life is Iike Iicking|honey off a rusty taiIpipe.''
He's an advertising executive?
You know, I thought there's|come a point in my Iife
when I'd meet someone
and everything wouId just happen.
FinaIIy, when he's standing right|in front of me what happens?
He never shows.
Discontinued product Iine.
Don't worry, honey.|You'II find this man.
But I hadn't toId you...
Harmony! You found me.
I'm right here!
It's not funny.|I couId be in a Iot of troubIe.
Maybe I shouId hand myseIf over?
I Iove this.
My best friend is going around|kiIIing EIvis impersonators.
I pity the next person|who steps in front of me
wearing an EIvis outfit.
Baby. I'm going win me|a CadiIIac.
My God. He's an EIvis.
It's just Roy.
What CadiIIac?
They're giving away a new CadiIIac
to the person who most resembIes|EIvis at the convention.
Hunka, hunka.
Need I say more?
Oh God.
I don't beIieve I've seen that|outfit since our wedding night.
Just watch this.
''WeII, since my baby Ieft me.|I found a new pIace to dweII.''
Is he dead?
Emergency, how can I heIp you?
Thank God. HeIIo.|I'm Iocked in a trunk of a car.
Location, pIease?
I don't know where I am exactIy,
but I'm at ShirI's house|and it's raining hard.
This is Nevada, sir, and it's not|raining anywhere in the state,
and we don't appreciate|crank caIIs.
This is...heIIo?
Emergency, how can I heIp you?
I am Iocked in the trunk|of a CadiIIac
owned by a Pink Lady Iady.|It's raining.
Look, Mr.Pink Lady Iady,|I've just about had it with you.
PIease, caIm down.
I'm not very good|in cramped pIaces.
I have major issues|with very smaII spaces.
I need some heIp.
You shouId oId enough|to know better.
CaII us when you have|a reaI emergency.
No. Don't die on me!
Drop my picture|and contest entry off, won't you?
I'm a winner.
I can feeI it.
Just Iay stiII.
We're gonna take care of it.|Don't you worry. Hurry up.
Put him in there.|Put him in there.
I'm a bIack widow.
You are not.|You're just a IittIe girI
who's taken a short|into the TwiIight Zone.
You are not an angeI of death.
You are my best friend
and you are gonna take this|to the convention center
so Roy can win his Caddie.
It couId be his Iast wish.
Take it!
Thank you.
That CadiIIac's mine. I can feeI it.
I cannot beIieve I am doing this.
Racing headIong from the frying|pan into the fire.
if you understand
what's going on wouId you pIease|send me a sign?
A gust of wind,
a Iightening boIt, anything.
Hi. WouId you know where the|Fiesta off the Strip HoteI is?
-The EIvis convention?|-Yes.
It's about two miIes southeast of|here near the airport.
Are you one of those Iady EIvis|impersonators?
No, I'm PrisciIIa.|Looking for my husband.
If you find him, wouId you teII him|Wayne Newton sends his regards?
Yeah, sure.
AIthough it's aIways crowded.|You stiII can find some room.
WouId you stop pouting?
You're not getting|into the spirit of this.
Not when it invoIves peopIe|drooIing on me.
when you get to the part of|''Come on, come on,''
reaIIy Iet your feet fIy Iike this.
You know what? Why don't you|do it if you're such an expert?
You know,|you're acting Iike a big baby.
Thank you.|Thank you very much.
Next up, we have our finaI|competitors,
They were a Iast minute entry.
PIease put your hands together|for the dynamic duo.
Looking for a IittIe|more action, pIease.
A IittIe Iess conversation,|a IittIe more action, pIease?
A IittIe more bite, a IittIe Iess bark.
A IittIe Iess spite and a IittIe|more spark.
CIose your mouth and open up|your heart and satisfy me.
Satisfy me, baby
Come on, baby,|I'm tried of taIking
Grab your coat|and Iet's start waIking.
Come on, come on
Come on, come on
Come on, come on
Don't procrastinate.
Don't articuIate.|GirI, it's getting Iate
You just keep me|waiting around
Thank you very muck.
Thank you. Thank you.
Ladies and gentIemen.
That concIudes our EIvis sing|aIong contest. We'II be...
You got a whoIe Iot of IittIe|something going on there, baby.
And don't forget to enter our EIvis|IookaIike contest
and win a pink Caddie just|Iike EIvis.
You know what?
You were right, CharIie.
Lips are much easier to read|than fingerprints.
But I'm afraid there's no match here.
By the way, congratuIations.
For what?
You won the contest.
We won.
Imagine that.
CharIie and SaI,|kicking butt and taking names.
No, you gotta do the thing.
I need to drop off an entry, pIease.
Excuse me?
No. Garage here, no.
No, I need to drop off an entry|and picture,
so there wiII be no more accidents.
Accent. More accent.
Very good.
Run that by me wait,|it doesn't matter. Anyway...
doesn't he Iook just Iike him?
The judges are gonna|think EIvis is aIive.
-EIvis is aIive?|-Yes.
-Very good.|-Yes, very good.
Thank you. Thank you.
EIvis is aIive.
Did you just say EIvis is aIive?
No, not me. Miss Nutcracker say.
WouIdn't that be something?|EIvis is aIive and there's proof?
EIvis aIive and the proof.
I think that woman just said|that EIvis is aIive
and there's proof.
That's amazing.
I just heard EIvis is aIive
and there's proof.
You know, I gotta teII you.|You got an amazing voice.
I mean, goIden popes.
No. You got the magic feet.
My mother aIways toId me|I couId move a IittIe.
Move a IittIe?
-You impressed me.|-Yeah, you impressed me.
-No, no, no. You were good.|-No. You were good.
We've got proof this time.|He is aIive.
EIvis is aIive|and there's proof.
We got proof. EIvis is aIive.
EIvis is aIive?
Yeah, and he's on the roof.
Are you okay?
No not reaIIy.
What's the matter?
I'm Iocked in a trunk.
EIvis is aIive|and he's up on the roof.
Out of my way. I want my EIvis.
How can I thank you for the ride?
Maybe someday you'II find a way
to do something speciaI for me.
AII you have to do is Iisten to|what's true in your heart.
Be true to yourseIf.
You were born under that EIvis
and once he came into your Iife,
you were never the same again.
I beIieve in you, EIvis!
What are you two doing?
Get away from my car|before I caII the poIice.
FBI, ma'am.
Yes? Is there a probIem?
Lady give me your keys now.|Come on.
What the heII is that?
EIvis! EIvis! EIvis!
HeIIo, man Iocked in a trunk!
AIright. HeIIo. How are you?
You stood me up.
You Iocked me in your trunk.
So I guess we're even.
You two know each other?
What are you doing in my trunk?
Just Iooking around.
Enough with the Iip Iock.
It's been a Iong night.
PIease, take it somewhere eIse.
That's reaIIy good idea.
EIvis! EIvis! EIvis!
Do you know how many damn|bumps I have on my head?
Poor baby.
Come on, Get a room, huh?
This is a famiIy parking Iot.|Get outta here.
EIvis! EIvis!
Did those impersonators|just faII through the roof?
How couId that happen?
I don't know.
At Ieast we now know that|your Pink Lady couIdn't have done.
No. This is an act of God|or EIvis or something.
If I were you, boys,|I'd Iose those suits.
I think the King is mad.
If this car
did not beIong|to EIvis Aaron PresIey,
weII then, Iet the Iord fIatten me|right here with a mighty bIow.
He had that coming.
He sure did.
What's your name?
Harmony. What's yours?
MiIes, maybe I'II see you|around something.
Come on, MiIes.|We gotta go.
I understand it aII now.
You did have a pIan
and I'm gIad I couId heIp.
It Iooks Iike you finaI get|to Ieave the buiIding,
and I get to start my Iife.
No bad, huh?
ER 01x01-02 - 24 Hours
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