Family Guy 03x09 - Mr Saturday Knight
"It seems today that all you see
"Is violence in movies and sex on TV
"But where are those|good old-fashioned values
"On which we used to rely?
"Lucky there's a family guy
"Lucky there's a man who positively|can do all the things that make us
"Laugh and cry
"He's a family guy
On the whole, I enjoy my job as a pharmacist.
In fact, many of my customers|are your mommies and daddies.
Jimmy, your mother had awful postpartum|depression after you were born.
And, Danielle, your father had very bad|haemorrhoids that stung him unmerciful.
They were awful. They were like|stinky little balloons. Ugh!
I gave him some special ointment,
and he hurt so bad that he had to|apply it in the car with his sock.
Thank you.
- Cool! I wanna be a pharmacist!|- Yeah!
Thank you, Mr Goldman.|Our final speaker is Mr Griffin.
- Yeah!|- Hey, kids! You know what I do?
I work at a toy factory.|And you know what I do there?
I bet you're just a low-level|assembly-line guy
who stands all day|screwing heads on dolls.
"Ooh, is it on straight?"|"I don't know." Boo!
- Why, you snot-nosed...|- Mr Griffin!
He plays in the park. Get him there.
Does anyone have any questions?
Can we listen to the claims adjuster again?
(all) Yeah!
Welcome back to Quahog Five News.
Here's OIlie Williams with|the "Black You" weather forecast.
- It's gonna rain!|- Thanks, OIlie.
Finally, we go to Asian reporter|Tricia Takanawa,
interviewing a guy|from the Renaissance Fair.
Thanks, Tom. Sir, for those who|aren't familiar with the tradition,
tell us about the Renaissance Fair.
Yea. But first, bride of Genghis,
thou must explainest to me|thy very peculiar electronic wand.
Whoooooo!
Rupert, are you ready to hear our "mad lib"?
Ahem. "Cinderella had three|wicked step-watermelons
who were very smelly to her."
"So her fairy god-toilet turned|a pumpkin into a fanny
and sent her off to the poop."
Oh, my! How ruthlessly absurd.
Peter, how was your presentation|to Chris's class?
- It was a waste of time.|- It couldn't have been that bad.
I was terrible. Everyone else had an important|job and was way more successful than me.
Come on. You... You have a great job.
Yeah. You're... you're doing...|you're doing good.
If you're not satisfied,|then be more assertive.
Invite Mr Weed to dinner|and show him what you have to offer.
I guess I could. I just hope it goes OK.
We've had bad luck with guests.|Remember Margot Kidder?
We loved you in the Superman movies.|You were just wonderful.
Aaghhh!
Mr Weed, I, uh... was wondering
if maybe you'd like to come to|my house for dinner Friday night.
- That wasn't so hard.|- What time?
- 7.30, 8.00?|- Fabulous! What shall I bring?
Calm down. Everything will be fine.
If I blow this, I'll have to go back to|my old job at The Electric Company.
- Duh...|- Ot.
Dot.
- Buh...|- Et.
- Bet.|- Bet. I knew that. Slow down.
- Puh...|- It.
- Pit.|- Pit. Come on, it's my first day.
- Fuh...|- At.
- Fat.|- Oh, that's it, buddy!
(fighting grunts)
- (doorbell)|- That must be him.
Oh, God. I hope I don't get so nervous|I can't control the volume of my voice.
Hello, Peter. How are you?
Fine! (quiet) Please come in.
It's so nice to have you over, Mr Weed.
Thank you, Mrs Griffin. I understand|you have a beautiful family.
We do. But the children won't be|joining us for dinner. It's their bedtime.
- State your names.|- Meg!
- Chris!|- And I'm Liesl.
The Griffin children would like|to say good night to you.
(" "So Long, Farewell"|from "The Sound of Music")
Mmmm. Who would think that|a woman with such beauty
would have the culinary skills|of Emeril Lagasse?
Well, thank you.
Bam!
Ahem. Peter, don't you have|something to say to Mr Weed?
Oh, yeah.
Mr Weed, I don't care what the guys at work|say. I don't think you're an effeminate weirdo.
Uh, so, what kind of a name is "Weed"?
They gave it to my grandfather|on Ellis Island.
Our original name was Bermuda Grass.
Peter, being here with your wonderful|family, your beautiful home
and your funny talking dog...|well, I'm impressed.
Starting Monday, I'd like to promote you|to head of toy development.
Holy crap! Oh, thanks, Mr Weed!|You won't be sorry.
Brian, quit it. You're embarrassing me.
Brian's choking!|Do the Heimlich manoeuvre, quick!
- He's dead.|- (gasp)
Aaagh! Aaagh!
I forgot my purse. Aaaghhh!
Let's not panic.|Nobody even knows about this yet.
Police! Random dead-body search!
- Oh, my God! Stall 'em!|- Peter, what are you doing?
Just stall 'em, Lois!
Ha-ha! Gotcha! It's just me - Death.|I'm here for the body.
Ah. Peter, it's OK. It's just Death.
Ah, thank God.
- Did someone choke on a roll in here?|- No, no, no. I spit it up.
Oh.
Our top story:|Doreen, I lost your phone number.
We met at the Sky Lounge|last night. Call me.
In other news, toy industrialist|Jonathan Weed was found dead
in the home of an employee|who claims Weed choked on a roll.
No charges will be filed against|the employee, but the roll is in custody.
I'd do her, do her, wouldn't do her.
Ech, who hasn't done her? Do her.
Lose the pigtails and we'll talk.|Do her, do her...
And now, the last man to see Jonathan Weed|alive has offered to say a few words.
Good afternoon.
As you know, we of the Christian faith|believe that Jesus is not really dead,
but that he must let|the world think he is dead
until he can find a way to control|the raging spirit that dwells within him.
(hums suspenseful theme)
Anyway, before he died, Mr Weed|promoted me to head of toy development.
I brought my attorney who confirms|that this constitutes a verbal contract.
Isn't that right, Saul?|"Yes, sir." Thank you.
Glad you all found your way|from the cemetery.
I'm Mr Weed's lawyer. We found this tape|among Mr Weed's personal effects
with instructions that it be screened|immediately after his funeral. Enjoy.
(man) Good morning. Camera time.
- Turn that off. I don't have my face on yet.|- You want to tell us what you're making?
It's just a couple of eggs with|the peppers left over from last night.
- (man) Mm...|- Yes.
OK, playtime is over.|Turn it off, monkey, OK?
- Ahem.|- (fast-forwards tape)
Hello, friends. If you are watching this,|I am dead, and I bet you're pretty bummed.
- But I have good news.|- Yeah?
The Happy-Go-Lucky Toy Factory|shall be torn down
to make way for the Happy-Go-Lucky|Terminal Disease Institute.
- What?!|- The demolition will begin in... now.
OK, we've got your typing test here
and all the pertinent data|about your, um...
um, you know, your background
and, um... skills and...
- And?|- I gotta be honest with you.
I only have another week and a half here,|and I have completely checked out.
- Oh.|- Yeah.
Well, what should I do?
Um...
Chef?
Sorry, we're out of towels.|Let me get that for you, sir.
I should pay two bucks for stickers|cos this guy can't hear? Come on!
Hey, I might be deaf, but I have feelings!
Oh, uh... I mean, what?
- Has Dad found a permanent job yet?|- He's going through a career transition.
He's sampling a few things, searching|for something that fits him just right.
(gasps)
- Clearly it's not that tube top.|- Looking for a good time, sweet cheeks?
- Oh, my God.|- Peter, get in the car!
OK, but it'll cost ya.|You want a Cleveland Steamer?
Get in the car...|What's a Cleveland Steamer?
- It means he'll...|- Whoa, be cool.
Yes, you go to Maple Street,|and then take a left, and then you go...
- So you want to party or what?|- Get in right now!
It's eerie, isn't it?|Like looking into the future.
- Forgetful Freddy was so forgetful...|- (group) How forgetful?
He was so forgetful, whenever he tried|to remember a name, he drew a..."blank".
This is all my fault. If I hadn't pushed you|so hard to invite Mr Weed to dinner,
he'd still be alive and you'd have your job.
We'll get through this.|We just have to scrimp a little.
Sell some stuff we don't really need.
- This'll bring in a couple of bucks.|- Peter, listen.
When we got married, you always talked|about your dream job. Remember?
You put that dream aside|in order to provide for this family.
- Yeah.|- I've saved some money from teaching piano,
and this is the perfect time|for you to pursue that dream.
- Really?|- Yes!
Wow. Since money's tight, I was gonna|suggest that we eat the kids.
Jokingly at first, but then|I was gonna gauge your reaction.
If you were cool with it, we could go|from there. But this is a much better idea!
I'm gonna do it!|I'm gonna realise my dream!
I am gonna be a Renaissance Fair jouster!
Oh, Peter!
Aaaghhh!
This is so exciting!|My little jouster's first day.
- Here's your lunch.|- Thanks, honey. Aw, egg salad!
- Have a good time.|- I'll try.
- Hey, Mort.|- Oh, God! Don't hurt me!
- Oh, hi, Peter.|- You gonna be a jouster, too?
Yes. I'm trying to overcome|my fear of swords
because a man in a pirate suit|stabbed me in the ear when I was five,
and then again when I was 30.|And you? The same?
Nah, not really. It kinda|all goes back to when I was 18.
I was going through that rebellious phase,|and I was hanging out with a bad crowd.
Here, Peter. Try one of these.
- What is it?|- It's a cheeseburger.
Now I know it wasn't a cheeseburger.
But at that time,|I was ready to believe anything.
I didn't know what was going on.
I wandered around and ended up|at the Renaissance Fair.
- I can fly!|- Oh, my God!
I was saved by the one and only Black|Knight of the Quahog Renaissance Fair.
A word of advice. The path to knighthood|is paved with strength and nobility,
not LSD and sideburns.
And from that moment on, I knew|someday I wanted to be a knight like him.
Mercy! I was once addicted|to antihistamines.
I took so many, I thought I was Mr Peanut.
Yeah, that's a great story, too.
So, you think you got|what it takes to be jousters!
If you're gonna joust, you gotta want it!|Let me hear your war cry!
(whines)
Is that the best you got, you pile of crap?
Yes. From an early age,|my parents discouraged loud noises.
You're a candy-ass maggot!
- Something funny, maggot?|- No, sir!
- You love the Middle Ages, don't you?|- Sir, yes, sir!
The concept of a geocentric universe|gets you sexually excited, doesn't it?
Yes, sir!
You want to make 16th-century|mathematician Johannes Kepler your bitch?
Sir, yes, sir!
- Welcome, apprentices.|- (gasp) It's him.
Look alive. Allow me to introduce the best|of the best, the Black Knight himself!
And this is his trophy wench,|Maid Madeleine.
- (ping)|- (ping)
- (ping)|- (ping)
(ping)
Ding!
- Excuse me, Mr Black Knight.|- I'm busy.
I just wanted to thank you. I don't know|if you remember, but when I was a kid,
you helped me get my life back on track.
Agh! Dammit! Look, I'm busy, all right?
- OK, I'll come back later.|- Damn rookies.
Are all the other men|out of the shower yet?
Hey, porker. Yes, I'm calling you a porker,|and there's nothing you can do about it
because I'm protected by my|impenetrable cereal-box fort. Ha-ha-ha!
Hey, you! Drunkie.
Yes, I'm calling you drunkie, and|there's nothing you can do about it...
Agh!
- The toast is ready.|- I'll get it, Lois.
Here you go.
Maybe you shouldn't bring|your lance to the table.
If I'm gonna impress the Black Knight,|my lance must be with me at all times.
You guys will be so proud|when you see me on that field.
Excuse me. I gotta go practise.
(screams) Oh, my God, Dad, my earring!
Dad, stop! Argh!
Two mutton joints, please.
Oh, thou wishest to feast on|the appendage of a humble ovine.
Listen, freak. We don't all watch Frasier.|Now give me two mutton joints.
Thank you.
'Tis a glorious afternoon.|Wouldst thou not agree?
Uh, yea, kind shrew.
Uh, I before thee... except after C.
Wouldst thou take a gander|underneath my frock?
Uh, sure. Whatever floats your boat.
- (honk)|- There you go.
Frickin' perverts.
Madeleine, go wait in the Hyundai!
What were you doing with my girl?
She walks over here and asks me to put a bird|in her panties! I'm going "What the hell?"
Oh, God! Peter, play dead!|Curl up in an ass ball or something!
- What's the problem, BK?|- I don't like you.
And I don't like you hanging around my girl.
I don't ever want to see you here again.
Oh. OK, but we can see each other|outside the fair, right?
- I'm just trying to understand the rules.|- If I see you again, I'll kill you!
OK, that's much clearer.
Oh, God! I think I just miscarried!
What are you doing? I spent hours|soldering that costume for you.
I don't need it any more. I quit the team.
You can't quit jousting.|The big meet is today. I thought...
(chuckling) Did you just say "big meat"?
Oh, my God, I did.
- We almost missed that.|- That was a close one.
But I'm being serious here. We were|all set to come see you joust today.
You were so excited to be|on the field with the Black Knight.
I'll be watching him from the stands,
because the Black Knight is a big jerk,|just like that guy who fixed our vacuum.
There you go. All fixed.
A half-eaten meatball was|clogging up the intake.
- Oh. Well, did you save it?|- Uh, no.
You bastard.
It's an exciting day here at|the Renaissance Fair, wouldn't you say, Tom?
It would be if you didn't remind us all|of our grandmother's cleavage.
Let's go to the field, where the Black Knight|prepares to challenge his opponent.
"Ohh...
"Hey
"Ohh...
"Hey
Hey, how you doing there, big guy?
You holding up all right?
You want a soda? Hm?
Oh, screw it. I tried.
The Black Knight's next challenger|is Sir Mort Goldman.
(grunts)
(Mort) Oh, God! I forfeit!
(Tom) That's it. The Black Knight is out of|challengers and is once again undefeated.
Hey, what's your fat ass doing here?
He's my only means of conveyance.
- But I guess I do spoil him.|- Clearly you do.
And what are you doing here, Griffin?|I told you never to come here again!
- I don't want any trouble.|- You've got trouble if you don't beat it.
- Listen, buddy...|- I said get lost!
- Where's he going?|- Let him go, kids.
You see that, kids?|Your father's nothing but a fizzle!
Nobody calls me a fizzle|and gets away with it!
Except that guy who called me a fizzle|and then ran off. He got away with it.
But most people who call me that|don't get away with it.
Actually, that guy was the only one|who ever called me a fizzle.
After today, only half the people who called|me a fizzle will have gotten away with it.
A new challenger has entered the field.
The crowd has fallen deathly ill.|Silent. Sorry.
Oh, my God, I'm gonna die!
To the owner of a yellow Hyundai,|your car is being towed.
What?
I won!
- Peter, that was amazing. You were so brave.|- Nice going, Dad.
Boy, that was lucky about the car.
Take that, you bastard! Nobody|makes a fool out of Mort Goldman!
Spectacular, maggot! How'd you like|to travel with us as our lead jouster?
Thanks, but no thanks, Coach.|I've lived my dream.
And besides, my life is here with my family.
But, Mom, what's Dad gonna do for a job?
Lt'll be OK, Chris. Remember|that episode of The Honeymooners
when Ralph lost his job but didn't get it back?
(Peter) Yeah, why was that?|That bugged the crap out of me.
Visiontext Subtitles: Tram Nguyen Zelniker
ENGLISH SDH
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3x08 - The One With the Giant Poking Device Friends - 3x09 - The One With the Football Friends - 3x10 - The One Where Rachel Quits Friends - 3x11 - The One Where Chandler Cant Remember Friends - 3x12 - The One With All the Jealousy Friends - 3x13 - The One Where Monica and Richard Friends - 3x14 - The One With Phoebes Ex-Partner Friends - 3x15 - The One Where Ross and Rachel Take Friends - 3x16 - The One the Morning After Friends - 3x17 - The One Without the Ski Trip Friends - 3x18 - The One With the Hypnosis Tape Friends - 3x19 - The One With the Tiny T-Shirt Friends - 3x20 - The One With the Dollhouse Friends - 3x21 - The One With a Chick and a Duck Friends - 3x22 - The One With the Screamer Friends - 3x23 - The One With Rosss Thing Friends - 3x24 - The One With Ultimate Fighting Champ Friends - 3x25 - The One at the Beach Friends - 4x01 - The One With the Jellyfish Friends - 4x02 - The One With the Cat Friends - 4x03 - The One With the Cuffs Friends - 4x04 - The One With the Ballroom Dancing Friends - 4x05 - The One With Joeys New Girlfriend Friends - 4x06 - The One With the Dirty Girl Friends - 4x07 - The One Where Chandler Crosses Friends - 4x08 - The One With Chandler in a Box Friends - 4x09 - The One Where They are Going Friends - 4x10 - The One With the Girl from Friends - 4x11 - The One With Phoebes Uterus Friends - 4x12 - The One With the Embryos Friends - 4x13 - The One With Rachels Crush Friends - 4x14 - The One With Joeys Dirty Day Friends - 4x15 - The One With All the Rugby Friends - 4x16 - The One With the Fake Party Friends - 4x17 - The One With the Free Porn Friends - 4x18 - The One With Rachels New Dress Friends - 4x19 - The One With All the Haste Friends - 4x20 - The One With All the Wedding Dresses Friends - 4x21 - The One With the Invitation Friends - 4x22 - The One With the Worst Best Man Ever Friends - 4x23 - The One With Rosss Wedding - part 1 Friends - 4x24 - The One With Rosss Wedding - part 2 Friends - 5x01 - The One After Ross Says Rachel Friends - 5x02 - The One With All the Kissing Friends - 5x03 - The One Hundreth Friends - 5x04 - The One Where Phoebe Hates PBS Friends - 5x05 - The One With the Kips Friends - 5x06 - The One With the Yeti Friends - 5x07 - The One Where Ross Moves In Friends - 5x08 - The One With All the Thanksgivins Friends - 5x09 - The One With Rosss Sandwich Friends - 5x10 - The One With the Inappropiate Sister Friends - 5x11 - The One With All the Resolutions Friends - 5x12 - The One With Chandlers Work Laugh Friends - 5x13 - The One With Joeys Bag Friends - 5x14 - The One Where Everyone Finds Out Friends - 5x15 - The One With the Girl Who Hits Joey Friends - 5x16 - The One With the Cop Friends - 5x17 - The One With Rachels Friends - 5x18 - The One Where Rachel Smokes Friends - 5x19 - The One Where Ross Cant Flirt Friends - 5x20 - The One With the Ride-Along Friends - 5x21 - The One With the Ball Friends - 5x22 - The One With Joeys Big Break Friends - 5x23 - The One in Vegas Friends - 6x01 - The One After Vegas Friends - 6x02 - The One Where Ross Hugs Rachel Friends - 6x03 - The One With Rosss Denial Friends - 6x04 - The One Where Joey Loses His Friends - 6x05 - The One With Joeys Porsche Friends - 6x06 - The One On the Last Night Friends - 6x07 - The One Where Phoebe Runs Friends - 6x08 - The One With Rosss Teeth Friends - 6x15 Friends 7x01 - The One with Monicas Thunder Friends 7x02 - The One With Rachels Book Friends 7x03 - The One With Phoebes Cookies Friends 7x04 - The One With Rachels Assistant Friends 7x05 - The One With The Engagement Picture Friends 7x06 - The One With The Nap Partners Friends 7x07 - The One with Rosss Library Book Friends 7x08 - The One Where Chandler Doesnt Like Dogs Friends 7x09 - The One With All the Candy Friends 7x10 - The One With The Holiday Armadillo Friends 7x11 - The One With All The Cheesecakes Friends 7x12 - The One Where They are Up All Night Friends 7x13 - The One Where Rosita Dies Friends 7x14 - The One Where They All Turn Thirty Friends 7x15 - The One With Joeys New Brain Friends 7x16 - The One With the Truth About London Friends 7x17 - The One With the Cheap Wedding Dress Friends 7x18 - The One With Joeys Award Friends 7x19 - The One With Ross and Monicas Cousin Friends 7x20 - The One With Rachels Kisses Friends 7x21 - The One With the Vows Friends 7x22 - The One With Chandlers Dad Friends 7x23 - The One With Monica and Chandlers Wedding Part 1 Friends 7x24 - The One With Monica and Chandlers Wedding Part 2 Friends 9x01 - The One Where No One Proposes Friends 9x02 - The One Where Emma Cries Friends 9x03 - The One With The Pediatrician Friends 9x04 - The One With The Sharks Friends 9x05 - The One With Phoebes Birthday Dinner Friends 9x06 - The One With The Male Nanny Friends 9x07 - The One With Rosss Inappropriate Song Friends 9x08 - The One With Rachels Other Sister Friends 9x09 - The One With Rachels Phone Number Friends 9x10 - The One With Christmas In Tulsa Friends 9x11 - The One Where Rachel Goes Back To Work Friends 9x12 - The One With Phoebes Rats Friends 9x13 - The One Where Monica Sings Friends 9x14 - The One With The Blind Dates Friends 9x15 - The One With The Mugging Friends 9x16 - The One With The Boob Job Friends 9x17 - The One With The Memorial Service Friends 9x18 - The One With The Lottery Friends 9x19 - The One With Rachels Dream Friends 9x20 - The One With The Soap Opera Party Friends 9x21 - The One With The Fertility Test Friends 9x22 - The One With The Donor Friends 9x23-24 - The One In Barbados 1 2) Frisson des vampires Le From Beijing with love From Dusk Till Dawn From Dusk Till Dawn 3 The Hangmans Daughter From Hell From Justin To Kelly (Special Edition) Frontera La Frusta e il corpo La Fucking Amal Fudoh The New Generation 1996 Fugitive The - The Chase Continues Fugitives (2000) Fukssvansen (Chop Chop) Full Frontal 2002 Full Metal Jacket Full Time Killer Fun Movie (2002 Korean) CD1 Fun Movie (2002 Korean) CD2 Fun in Acapulco (Richard Thorpe 1963) Funeral Parade of Roses Funeral in Berlin Funny Girl Fuochi dArtifizio Furia (2002) Fury The (1978) Futurama 1x01 - Space Pilot 3000 Futurama 1x02 - The Series Has Landed Futurama 1x03 - I Roommate Futurama 1x04 - Loves Labors Lost in Space Futurama 1x05 - Fear of a Bot Planet Futurama 1x06 - A Fishful of Dollars Futurama 1x07 - My Three Suns Futurama 1x08 - A Big Piece of Garbage Futurama 1x09 - Hell is Other Robots Futurama 2x01 - A Flight to Remember Futurama 2x02 - Mars University Futurama 2x03 - When Aliens Attack Futurama 2x04 - Fry and the Slurm Factory Futurama 3x01 - Amazon Women in the Mood Futurama 3x02 - Parasites Lost Futurama 3x03 - A Tale of Two Santas Futurama 3x04 - The Luck of the Fryrish Futurama 3x05 - The Birdbot of Ice-catraz Futurama 3x06 - Bendless Love Futurama 3x07 - The Day the Earth Stood Stupid Futurama 3x08 - Thats Lobstertainment Futurama 3x09 - The Cyber House Rules Futurama 3x10 - Insane in the Mainframe Futurama 3x10 - Where The Buggalo Roam Futurama 3x12 - The Route of All Evil Futurama 3x13 - Bendin in the Wind Futurama 3x14 - Time Keeps on Slippin Futurama 3x15 - I Dated a Robot Futurama 3x16 - A Leela of Her Own Futurama 3x17 - A Pharaoh To Remember Futurama 3x18 - Anthology of Interest Part 2 Futurama 3x19 - Roswell That Ends Well Futurama 3x20 - Godfellas Futurama 3x21 - Future Stock Futurama 3x22 - The 30 Iron Chef Futurama 4x01 - Kif Gets Knocked Up a Notch Futurama 4x02 - Leelas Homeworld Futurama 4x03 - Love and Rocket Futurama 4x04 - Less Than Hero Futurama 4x05 - A Taste of Freedom Futurama 4x06 - Bender Should Not Be Allowed on TV Futurama 4x07 - Jurassic Bark Futurama 4x08 - Crimes of the Hot Futurama 4x09 - Teenage Mutant Leelas Hurdles Futurama 4x10 - The Why of Fry Futurama 4x11 - Where no Fan Has Gone Before Futurama 4x12 - The Sting Futurama 4x13 - Bend Her Futurama 4x14 - Obsoletely Fabulous Futurama 4x15 - The Farnsworth Parabox Futurama 4x16 - Three Hundred Big Boys Futurama 4x17 - Spanish Fry Futurama 4x18 - The Devils Hands are Idle Playthings Fyra Nyanser Av Brunt CD1 Fyra Nyanser Av Brunt CD2
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