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Filthy, Rich and Catflap 01x01

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Morning has broken
Like the first mor-hor-hor-ning
I am still sexy
Thank God for me
Ahh, the morning, the morning.
How glad I am that I've always spurned regular lovers
because by sleeping alone I get me all to myself.
I always wake up with the most attractive person in the world.
- Morning, Richie. - Morning, Eddie.
- What are you doing in my bed? - Well, I was sleeping
but now I'm talking to a git.
- What's wrong with your bed? - It's covered in lager.
You mean you threw up on it?
There was a certain amount of unpleasantness, yes.
I've been very considerate,
I could have thrown up on your bed and slept in my own.
What is wrong with the lavatory?!
Richie, you know I hate sleeping in the lavatory,
you just can't get comfy.
If you ever sleep in my bed again I'm gonna hire a hit man to kill you.
Just give me the money - I'll drink myself to death.
Ohhh, don't talk to me about alcohol. Hah.
I was out with my showbiz chums last night.
And I was out and I had four sweet sherries!
Which is way over my limit, because I just get silly.
And now I've got a head like a...
Er, I've got a head like a, er...
Well, like a head, really.
Paints a vivid picture. I know exactly what you mean.
Thanks, Eddie. I ought to do my exercises.
Right, that's enough.
- Morning. - Morning.
Well, I'm not worried about my health.
I saw a doc the other day who said I looked fantastic.
Great, a blind doctor. Very inspiring.
What were you doing there? Having a lobotomy?
No, I have an unpleasant rash in my trousers.
What? But I slept with you last night!
In which case, I suggest you seek immediate medical advice.
I can't do that, it'll be all over the papers!
Better than all over your bottom.
- Oh, God! - Maybe you haven't got it.
Even germs have standards.
I'm sorry. Did I just detect an effort at humour?
Brilliantly disguised as offensive drivel, certainly,
but an effort nonetheless. Well done.
Look... You have a peek in my pants to see if my bot's got Black Death.
All right, me old china plate
but I don't promise to keep me breakfast down.
Well? See anything unpleasant?
Now that is a stupid question.
- Rash-wise! - Hang on a minute.
No, nothing could survive on that.
Oh, God! I only wanted a quick once-over
and I get an erotic cabaret!
Now do it properly!
Come on, up there! Damn you! Yes! Yes! Yes!
Morning, Mr Rich.
Morning, Milkie!
Er, look, Milkie, er, this is not what it seems.
It's none of my business, honestly, sir.
Yes, I know, I'm just explaining.
I know it looked sexy but, er...
what we were actually doing was... Eddie?
Yes. No, no, no! You're right, it is none of your business,
you dirty little pervert!
Who do you think you are?!
Barging in and making revolting, libellous insinuations!
You're a reporter, aren't you?
Eddie, it's the scum!
Get the disinfectant!
I can't believe it! A journalist in my house!
I'll have to seal it in concrete and dump it in the sea!
Journalists have a half-life of a thousand years.
Get this, Nina Myskow!
Look, I'm not a journalist, I'm a milkman.
He's right, he can't be a journo - he hasn't got a stiffie.
I'm gonna fight this!
I've got the light entertainment department of the BBC behind me!
I shall call Keith Harris and Orville as character witnesses.
I hope you like prison food.
The jury will melt as Orville takes the stand.
Your Honour,
Wichie Wich is innocent.
Richie, Orville is a nylon, green, Day-Glo duck in a nappy.
The jury will hang you!
Edward, children may be watching! Don't mention Father Christmas.
- No! - Hello, kiddies.
There is no Father Christmas.
He is a ploy to make low-income parents' lives a misery.
Imagine something-oh!
I want you to picture the simple, trusting face of a child
streaked with cruel tears because of what you just did.
Picture the tear-streaked face of its mother
because one week's dole won't pay for a Masters of the Universe battlecruiser!
She can get a job! Become a... a stripper or something!
Get on your bike and get your clothes off! Right, Mr Tebbit?
- I'll be off then, shall I? - Stay where you are, quisling!
What you know could put back the British game show 50 years!
- See you tomorrow. - I said wait here!
- Please, Mr Rich... - Different tone now, isn't it?!
Forget blackmail, now it's "Please, Mr Rich".
Well, it's too late, darling, you're dead.
D- A-E-D!
You're right, he is.
- What, dead? - Completely.
Jeepers, what are we gonna do?
Well, it's not too bad,
the milk'll soak in and we can pick up the glass...
No, what are we gonna do about the corpse?
Bung it in the cupboard and blame someone else?
Of course, the perfect alibi!
- Let's grab the stiff. - Oo-er!
Eddie, a man is dead and still you spout appalling double entendres!
You don't think perhaps as his poor immortal soul
hovers overhead, it would rather not be the butt of a knob gag?
I think he might prefer not to be dead at all
but he didn't have a choice
because certain people bonked him on the head!
Let's get the bod in the cub before it begins to whiff.
Right. Uh-ah-ha-ha-ha...
If that were our criteria for putting things in the "cub"
we'd have put you in on ages ago!
Because you're so whiffy.
Yeah, I got it, I just didn't think it was funny.
- At all. - Liar! You're just too thick.
- I'm not thick. - You are.
I am! I mean, I'm not.
- Put your head here. - All right, then.
He's right, you know. I am pretty stupid.
Right, now let's get the body in the cupboard.
Ooh, come on, Milkie. Ooh, sexy, sexy Milkie!
Much as I respect Her Majesty's police force
they'll never find the body in the cupboard.
We're home and free.
Bloody hell, they're on to us already!
Get the Brazilian currency!
- Hang on! - What?
Maybe it's not the police, maybe we've... won the pools!
Yes, maybe that's it! Millions of pounds!
- A dream come true! - Wait!
- What? - We don't do the pools.
That's got to count against us.
- Wait! - What?!
Maybe they've made a mistake!
- Wait! - What?!
Maybe it's a producer with a wonderful part.
- Oo-er! - Wonderful part, not willy.
The link between trousers and the word "part" is tenuous.
Keep off that phone, if it's an important role for me,
I don't want it spoiled by your revolting phone manner. Ahem.
You have dialled telephone sex, gardening division.
- First, ram the turnip up... - Give me that!
It is Filthy Ralph, impresario, promoter, pornographer and common thief.
- I know who he is. - Yeah, but they don't.
Stop talking to the children!
Hello, Filthy Ralph, got me any work?!
I'm jaded with the shallow world of TV light entertainment,
I yearn to tread the boards! I fancy Shakespeare!
Which, as he's a bloke and dead, makes you a homosexual necrophiliac.
- Eddie, pass the pencil. - Hang on, Filthy.
What was that about getting me a wonderful Shakespearean role?
You're coming over? Wonderful!
Terrific! I knew today would be important.
Romeo And Juliet! Where's my Shakespeare book?
I know exactly where it is!
Here we are. Lucky we've only got through the pastorals.
Ah, here we are, Romes And Jules.
Now, Eddie, listen, concentrate.
I play Romeo and you play the fiery, warlike... Tybalt.
So it's a fight. Here goes.
It'll be better when I've got me tights on. Ahem.
Away to heaven, respective lenity,
And fire-eyed fury be my conduct now!
Now, Tybalt...
What in the name of Satan's portion...!
I was acting! You said it was a fight.
You've got to let me finish my speech!
Funny sort of fight. "You can't hit me till after my speech. "
Which shows how much you know about acting in Shake!
How can I play a role riddled with glaring inconsistencies?
On the one hand I'm a fiery, warlike... Tybalt,
and on the other hand, "quiet, Tybs, while I do my poem. "
Eddie! This is Shakespeare!
And everybody knows what Shakespeare is.
- Crap. - Yes.
No! Well, yes, yes, he is...
Well, the thing about Shakespeare, you see, Edwin,
Shakespeare, being a genius,
is allowed more licence than us lesser mortals,
and hence is allowed...
...and hence is allowed...
It's probably the front door!
It'll be the car to take me to rehearsals!
Answer it, please, Eddie, poppet.
Richie! I hate being called "Eddie poppet".
Oh! Answer the door, please, Eddie-weddie woppedy-plops!
That's better!
Get a fag and a drink for a dying man, would you, Eddie?
- Hello Filthy Ralph! - Ralph Filthy!
For the last time, my name is Ralph Filthy, not Filthy Ralph.
Honestly, just cos I run a chain of discount brothels
everyone thinks I'm a dirty old man.
You've got to admit, there is a certain haphazard logic to it.
My leisure establishments are totally allowable.
And anyway I get the kids off Youth Training Schemes.
The Iron Lady looks after small businessmen like me.
- Filthy... - Richie...
- Filthy! - Richie!
- Filthy... - Richie...
'Ere, Richie, I've never deceived you before, have I?
Well, that's not entirely true, is it, Ralph?
When? When have I ever deceived you? When?
When you kept back all my cash.
No, that's not deception, that's theft.
You promised me a snog with Princess Di.
All right, once. I've deceived you once.
Twice-you said you managed Laurence Olivier.
I do. Laurence Olivier, the one-armed turd impressionist.
There was an implication you meant the actor.
All right, daughter, I have lied to you through my teeth
throughout our professional association.
I don't call coming round and scrounging drinks
a professional association.
I've had a long day and I've only been up half an hour.
I'm no good before my second pack of snouts, you know that.
- Just let me spit it out. - Oo-er!
Eddie, please, this is my agent.
- Richie... - Yes.
You are in trouble.
- Big troub. - How big?!
Bigger than the biggest laugh Tarby ever got.
Not as big as the one about the sheep at the Falklands War Gala Evening
where everyone thought the cheeky chap went a bit too far?
- Including that one. - That's absolutely coloss!
If you were to take all the best bits of the world's true greats
and construct out of them the world's best comedian...
Bernard Manning's trousers!
Paul Daniels' catchphrase.
Ken Dodd's haircut!
Syd Little's... timing.
Eddie Large's... Eddie Large impression!
Jimmy Cricket's funny wellingtons.
Ah-ha-ha! Left, right, left, right!
If you were to take all those wonderful, wonderful elements
and give that comic the world's best gag.
Thatcher's '79 election promise to cut unemployment!
Then believe me, the laugh you would get
would still not be as big as the troub you are in.
Well what?
What is the troub my boy Richie is in?
Oh. He's had a paternity suit filed against him.
A 17-year-old girl is pregnant and says you're the father.
Naughty Richie.
We're talking about 20 years of spending all your money on a bastard.
Never mind Eddie, what about this baby?
I'm talking about the baby!
Tell me straight, this is Ralph here, your oldest acquaintance,
did you get laid nine months ago
by a rather young popsy who claimed to be a fan?
Well! That should have made you suspicious for a start!
Because if you did it's gonna cost us très mucho mazoola.
You didn't do it, did you?
And why not?!
I've sustained some considerable Belisha beacons in my time!
Yes, Richie, just put your disgusting libido
back in your underwear for a second here.
- If it's yours, you pay. - Ahh.
Now is it yours?
I've never done it in my life.
So at last the truth is out!
Richie Rich has never done it in his life.
No, obviously I have done it once.
No, no-lots, lots!
I am very sexy.
I've probably had it off with everybody in the world by now.
Right, in that case you can't take the blood test.
If there's a chance that you'll fail we cannot risk it.
- We're talking about money! - What are we gonna do?!
That's probably the door.
It might be the stork with Richie's baby.
Shut up! Shut up! I haven't got a baby and I need all my cash for me.
It's a friend of yours,
a big white bird with a bundle!
It's the stork! It's the bloody stork!
- I'm gonna settle this once and for all. - They're a protected species!
Give me that!
Er, four pints of yoghurt and a strawberry gold top, Mr Rich.
Eddie, this is the most milkman-shaped stork I've ever seen.
I would go further and posit that it's not a stork at all
but a milkman.
Yes, it is.
I was... joking.
Edward, a man is dead!
I didn't think you'd believe me!
Everyone knows the baby stork doesn't exist!
Edward, please! Stop ruining childhoods!
Innocence is lost all too quickly.
You can talk, your agent runs a brothel.
Eddie, Eddie, please - stage school, stage school.
They're wonderful kids but never mind all that,
Richie, you have just killed a milkman.
Two milkmen, Filthy.
Oh, my God, how depressing.
This could be very bad publicity for us. Very bad indeed.
What? You think the papers will side with Milkie?
Bound to. I remember when I had Mike Read on my books.
Him and Chegwin got drunk one night and set fire to a nun.
Next series of Saturday Superstore was slated.
Filthy, a nun, all right - but it's only a couple of milkmen.
"Clank, whistle, morning, madam, aren't I sexy?
"Another fruit yoghurt, your gold top. "
Then they send you a bill! They deserve to die!
One milkman, maybe you could laugh it off -
friendly joke, went too far,
faults on both sides, but two?
It looks very Freddie Starr, doesn't it?
This is the sort of thing the press vipers love.
The crits will slaughter my next show!
I can see it now - Daily Telegraph.
"Bloody great news!
"Richie Rich goes to pris forever and ever! Hooray!"
I'm not going to pris!
I'll claim diminished responsibility!
Premenstrual tension!
Yes! Filthy! Get me a sex change!
Please stop shouting, Richie, nobody knows about it yet.
When the going gets tough
the tough have a fag, a drink and a ponder.
'Allo. Get me Body-Loser Gary, please. Yes, I can hold.
I said have a fag, a drink and a ponder!
A fag, a drink and a ponder...
'Allo, Filthy Ralph here.
Yeah. Body-Loser Gary?
- Yeah, right, yeah. - Ah, fags.
Yeah, I want you to lose a body.
Yeah, yeah.
- Right. - Well?
He doesn't feel like losing a body today.
We'll have to do it. The question is, how?
The question is, how?
- I've got an idea! - Well, we can ignore that!
I was only gonna say let's have a farting competition.
Well, Ralph, what do you think?
If I farted you'd soon know about it.
Listen, we're gonna have to cover for them on their round.
Get this bloke's clothes off, you're gonna have to do his job.
Hang on a minute!
That's a drastic solution, isn't it?
What you're suggesting is manual labour!
Listen to the tragedy queen!
Do you want to do hard labour for life?
Well, no, but how long do I have to keep it up -
living a double life as a milkman.
Am I expected to train his whippets?
Learn to clog dance?
Sleep with his wife?!
I'll be discovered. There she is, in her curlers,
thinking, "Oh, God, I'm so bored
"of having to sex that working-class oik I married. "
Then Richie Rich flashes a smile and something like
a nuclear submarine floats between the sheets.
And when she's flopped your beer belly back onto the floor
she can get out her binoculars and search for your action.
Why can't Eddie the git do it?
You seem to be forgetting, Richie,
we have two little problem-ettes here,
and we need Eddie for the other one - that paternity stuff.
You can't take that blood test in case it's positive.
And what's that got to do with me, Ralph?
'Allo. Get me two girls round at Richie's place fast.
- Great, a party! - Fantastic!
Let's forget all our problems and party!
- Make-up girls! - Oh.
We're gonna make Eddie look like Richie
so he can take the blood test and it won't match the baby.
Richie, wear Milkie's trousers. Eddie, wear Richie's.
- Who's gonna wear mine? - Someone criminally insane
who enjoys whiffing to high heaven and scaring old ladies!
Now, like all great actors I must think myself into the role.
Er... I'll give him a limp - that says "milkman" to me.
And a hunchback! Those milk crates must take their toll.
Right, here goes.
"Superb! He moves as if he was born a milkman,"
dribbled Bernard Levin in Der Stürmer.
Now what sort of accent should he have, hm?
Cockney, of course! Luckily I'm a master of dialect.
'Ee by gum, ecky thump!
There, the milkman, a creation to rank with Olivier's Othello,
Gielgud's Hamlet and Forsyth's brilliant Supermarket Manager.
Nothing can go wrong.
Fate deals me blow after blow. Another two milkman bodies!
No, I must remain calm. Resourceful.
Subtle. Stick 'em in the rubbish.
Oi, oi, oi! What is going on 'ere?
You've just dumped a dead body in that rubbish.
Stop hallucinating, drug addict!
That is a dead body and I'm not gonna take it away.
Scatter it round the street then, that's what you normally do!
Oh, yes, very clever.
Do you have any idea how difficult waste disposal is?
Bloody, that is how difficult. What with privatisation...
Oh! People use these plots for any personal hobbyhorse
they feel like waffling on about!
Shut up and trash this bod or I'll tell on you to Thatch.
No, I am not taking it and that is final!
It is not in a bin liner, prat.
One day rubbish collection will be carried out by microchips
and you'll starve to death and I'm glad!
Richie Rich!
Wonderful characterisation, love. Very fetching.
Now, have you put Milko Dairies off the scent?
Er... Not quite.
No pub! No pics! No auts!
What kind of Tarby-brained halfwit would want an aut
off a failed old fat-bottomed drag queen
with zero talent like me?
In fact, I think I'm a complete prat.
Richie, they're breeding.
I won't even ask how you came by these two.
We shan't forget today in a hurry!
The first day in your life you look presentable!
However many milkmen you kill
it's still not going to become fashionable.
Don't worry about them.
We just get rid of four dead milkmen. No problem.
May I casually remind you, Richie,
that I am stood here dressed like a completely poncey git.
Can we get to the hospital and trash this paternity suit
before I get mistaken for a poodle?
Try not to kill any more milkmen on the way.
Don't kill any milkmen...
He shall pay for what he's done to my daughter,
the gigolo, the Casanova, the Don Juan, the Lothario,
the randy little bastard.
Come on, Mum...
Mrs Whitehouse, if the blood proves compatible
your daughter will be entitled to an enormous settlement.
He's nothing but a vile seducer! A vile seducer!
Oh, he wasn't that bad - I've had worse, certainly.
Lucky we got the drip in or he'd have delivered his last pint of milk.
Hello, hospital!
Must be some medical alcohol in one of these somewhere.
Richie, Richie - Richie! Pull your hat down over your eyes.
- 'Ere, wear these dark glasses. - Right.
Come on.
Everybody's got to think that Eddie is you
so don't give away who you are.
- I understand. - Right. Let's go.
No pictures! Please respect my privacy!
I'm an ordinary member of the public! Sorry...
- Who's Mr Rich? - I am!
Sorry, he is.
That's the one! Pay up, you philanderer, you! Pay up!
Please calm yourself. Is this man the father of your child?
Yeah, I think so.
Is that her? Is that the girl I'm supposed to have...?
Yes. If she was 20 years younger she might be quite attractive.
She's lovely. Lovely!
The sort of girl you wanna really, really... cherish.
I have never seen this girl before in my life!
You lying scoundrel!
Don't cry, little one.
He's ruined me!
Don't worry, it'll be all right, little lambkins, snuggly-wuggly.
Doctor, get me a bucket - I think I'm going to be horrendously sick.
- My life is over because of him! - Hang your head in shame, you cad,
for what you've done to this poor girl!
I've got a good mind to punch you in the face!
He's not making playing this part very easy.
Listen, daughter, shut up, it's you that did it, not Eddie.
We're trying to get you out of this.
Could we get on, please?
All right, bitch, aren't the NHS paying enough out of my wages?!
Filthy, when I agreed to this cruel deception
I never dreamt she would be so lovely.
Look at her-yummy, yummy, yummy.
She's lovely, lovely, with a lovely little baby, it's all...
- He likes me. - It's a girl. Leave her alone.
He looks like me. Obviously not as handsome...
- Look, can we get on? - Shut up, you old cow!
Don't fancy her for mum-in-law. Powdered glass in the cocoa job.
Sorry about this demented milkman we brought with us.
Just get on with the blood test, would you?
And could you get us 50 high-tar ciggies?
We have some of the baby's blood.
It just remains to get yours. Step this way.
OK, I don't mind the sight of blood as long as it isn't mine.
You should've thought of that before!
Are you going to breast-feed it?
- Not at the moment, no. - I think you should.
Go on, pop one out.
Shut up! This is a very emotional time for me.
If only you knew, my pretty young maid, if only you knew.
Perhaps today will be happier than you expect.
It'll be happy enough when that slimy rat in there pays up.
No doubt about it, it's positive.
This gentleman's blood is from the same family as the baby.
- Although diluted. - That's my blood-neat lager!
If you're finished, Doctor. Thank you.
Oh, no, oh, no, you filthy quack,
are you saying this man's blood is positive?
I knew it! I am the father!
What is this man talking about?
He's mad. Will we be able to sue for maintenance?
Certainly. I'll get the relevant test certificates.
Stay your hand, Doctor! The time has come for the truth!
- Now, Rich... - The baby's father
is not this sad impostor whose blood coincides
but none other than I... Richie Rich!
- Who? - Richie Rich, TVS links, 1972.
Maintenance? Forget it! I'm going to look after my baby.
Cindy, I'll give you a home and make you an honest woman.
I love you! And our baby! And I can't wait to start on another one.
Oh, darling, aren't you happy for us?
Somebody should make a film of me now!
This isn't what you said, Eddie.
No, I must say I'm surprised.
Right, that's it, the plan's off -
no money's worth being associated with him!
It's bad enough people thinking I slept with him.
But live with him? No way.
Sorry, Cousin Eddie, you lose your half. You do understand?
I certainly do. I live with the bastard already.
Well, bye-bye, Cousin Cindy.
Bye-bye, Auntie Myrtle.
Bye-bye, Doctor!
Please, will somebody explain to me exactly what is going on?
Bloody hell, are you thick? It was a plot!
My cousin and her boyfriend needed some cash for the kid
so if I took the test, being a relation, it would be positive.
We could have some of your cash.
- But it was Filthy's idea! - Yes, I was in for a cut.
If you hadn't got so sentimental it would've worked perfectly.
My own agent and my best bloody friend and minder
- tried to defraud me for my cash. - Yeah.
Right, that's it, you're sacked.
That's right, Sah-Eh-Cuh-Eh-Duh.
And that goes for you too, Auntie bloody Myrtle!
Richie, darling, you can't sack us, you need us.
You need us to sort out that other little problem.
What other little problem?
Drink a pint of milk a day.
Right, we push the bodies in the canal and we're home and dry.
We didn't think of that.
Right, er, better chuck him in the canal too.
Here's your tip, matey!
This time, no mistakes.
The fiendish master criminal removes all trace of his crime,
consigning the lifeless corpses to the icy depths.
You're nicked!
Unless... you sling your hook right now!
- Eh? - I've watched The Sweeney,
I think he means "go away".
That's right. You're very lucky boys,
cos we've got important police business to do here.
- So hop it! - Right!
All right, Dixon? Let's start chucking 'em in.
- Keep an eye open for lefties. - All right.
If the Home Secretary'd finance more cell space
- this wouldn't be necessary. - What'd be the fun of that?
Cheap knock at the police, but you try getting out of this plot.
- They are all bastards, anyway. - Yeah.
Enough left-wing soapbox rhetoric!
If you don't like the police
next time you get beaten up try calling an alternative comedian!
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Farscape - 1x08 - That Old Black Magic
Farscape - 1x09 - DNA Mad Scientist
Farscape - 1x10 - Theyve Got a Secret
Farscape - 1x11 - Till the Blood Runs Clear
Farscape - 1x12 - Rhapsody In Blue
Farscape - 1x13 - The Flax
Farscape - 1x14 - Jeremiah Crichton
Farscape - 1x15 - Durka Returns
Farscape - 1x16 - A Human Reaction
Farscape - 1x17 - Through The Looking Glass
Farscape - 1x18 - A Bugs Life
Farscape - 1x19 - Nerve
Farscape - 1x20 - The Hidden Memory
Farscape - 1x21 - Bone To Be Wild
Farscape - 1x22 - Family Ties
Farscape - 2x01 - Mind The Baby
Farscape - 2x02 - Vitas Mortis
Farscape - 2x03 - Talking The Stone
Farscape - 2x04 - Crackers Dont Matter
Farscape - 2x05 - The Way We Werent
Farscape - 2x06 - Picture If You Will
Farscape - 2x07 - Home On The Remains
Farscape - 2x08 - Dream A Little Dream
Farscape - 2x09 - Out Of Their Minds
Farscape - 2x10 - My Three Crichtons
Farscape - 2x11 - Look At The Princess I - A Kiss Is But A Kiss
Farscape - 2x12 - Look At The Princess II - I Do I Think
Farscape - 2x13 - Look At The Princess III - The Maltese Crichton
Farscape - 2x14 - Beware Of Dog
Farscape - 2x15 - Wont Get Fooled Again
Farscape - 2x16 - The Locket
Farscape - 2x17 - The Ugly Truth
Farscape - 2x18 - A Clockwork Nebari
Farscape - 2x19 - Liars Guns and Money I - A Not So Simple Plan
Farscape - 2x20 - Liars Guns and Money II - With Friends Like These
Farscape - 2x21 - Liars Guns and Money III - Plan B
Farscape - 2x22 - Die Me Dichotomy
Farscape - 3x01 - Season Of Death
Farscape - 3x02 - Suns And Lovers
Farscape - 3x03 - Self Inflicted Wounds I - Coulda Woulda Shoulda
Farscape - 3x04 - Self Inflicted Wounds II - Wait For The Wheel
Farscape - 3x05 - Different Destinations
Farscape - 3x06 - Eat Me
Farscape - 3x07 - Thanks For Sharing
Farscape - 3x08 - Green Eyed Monster
Farscape - 3x09 - Losing Time
Farscape - 3x10 - Relativity
Farscape - 3x11 - Incubator
Farscape - 3x12 - Meltdown
Farscape - 3x13 - Scratch N Sniff
Farscape - 3x14 - Infinite Possibilities I - Daedalus Demands
Farscape - 3x15 - Infinite Possibilities II - Icarus Abides
Farscape - 3x16 - Revenging Angel
Farscape - 3x17 - The Choice
Farscape - 3x18 - Fractures
Farscape - 3x19 - I-Yensch You-Yensch
Farscape - 3x20 - Into The Lions Den I - Lambs To The Slaugher
Farscape - 3x21 - Into The Lions Den II - Wolf In Sheeps Clothing
Farscape - 3x22 - Dog With Two Bones
Farscape - 4x01 - Crichton Kicks
Farscape - 4x02 - What Was Lost (Part 1) - Sacrifice
Farscape - 4x03 - What Was Lost (Part 2) - Resurrection
Farscape - 4x04 - Lavas A Many Splendored Thing
Farscape - 4x05 - Promises
Farscape - 4x06 - Natural Election
Farscape - 4x07 - John Quixote
Farscape - 4x08 - I Shrink Therefore I Am
Farscape - 4x09 - A Prefect Murder
Farscape - 4x10 - Coup By Clam
Farscape - 4x11 - Unrealized Reality (Part 1)
Farscape - 4x12 - Kansas (Part 2)
Farscape - 4x13 - Terra Firma (Part 3)
Farscape - 4x14 - Twice Shy
Farscape - 4x15 - Mental As Anything
Farscape - 4x16 - Bringing Home The Beacon
Farscape - 4x17 - A Constellation Of Doubt
Farscape - 4x18 - Prayer
Farscape - 4x19 - We are So Screwed - Fetal Attraction (Part 1)
Farscape - 4x20 - We are So Screwed - Hot To Katratzi (Part 2)
Farscape - 4x21 - We are So Screwed - La Bomba (Part 3)
Farscape - 4x22 - Bad Timing
Farscape - The Peacekeeper Wars (Part 1)
Farscape - The Peacekeeper Wars (Part 2)
Fast And Furious
Fat Choi Spirit
Fata Morgana
Fate Ignoranti Le
Father of a Soldier (Rezo Chkheidze 1964)
Father of the Bride
Fawlty Towers
Fear Dot Com
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
Fear of Fear (Rainer Werner Fassbinder 1975)
Feed the Kitty (1952)
Fellowship of the Ring The
Female Convict Scorpion Beast Stable 1973 Shunya Ito
Female Prisoner 701 Scorpion 1972
Femme Fatale (2002)
Fiances The 1962
Fierce Creatures (1997)
Fight Club CD1
Fight Club CD2
Fighter in the Wind
Fighting Fish 2004
Fille Sur La Pont La
Filles Uniques 2003
Film That Was Never Made A
Filthy, Rich and Catflap 01x01
Filthy, Rich and Catflap 01x02
Filthy, Rich and Catflap 01x03
Filthy, Rich and Catflap 01x04
Filthy, Rich and Catflap 01x05
Filthy, Rich and Catflap 01x06
Final Countdown The 1980 CD1
Final Countdown The 1980 CD2
Final Destination - New Line Platinum Series
Final Fantasy
Final Friday The - Jason Goes To Hell 25fps
Final Insult The
Final Nightmare The
Finders Fee (Jeff Probst 2001)
Finding Forrester 2000
Finding Nemo
Fire in the Sky
Firefly - Serenity (pilot)
Firefly 1x01 - The train job
Firefly 1x02 - Bushwhacked
Firefly 1x03 - Shindig
Firefly 1x04 - Safe
Firefly 1x05 - Our mrs Reynolds
Firefly 1x06 - Jaynestown
Firefly 1x07 - Out of gas
Firefly 1x08 - Ariel
Firefly 1x09 - War stories
Firefly 1x10 - Trash
Firefly 1x11 - The message
Firefly 1x12 - Heart of gold
Firefly 1x13 - Objects in space
Firemens Ball The 1967
First Great Train Robbery The 1978 CD1
First Great Train Robbery The 1978 CD2
First Men In The Moon 1964
First Power The
Fish Called Wanda A
Fisher King The
Fistful Of Dollars A
Fistful of Dynamite A CD1
Fistful of Dynamite A CD2
Five Easy Pieces 1970 CD1
Five Easy Pieces 1970 CD2
Flash Gordon CD1
Flash Gordon CD2
Flesh and Blood CD1
Flesh and Blood CD2
Flight Of The Intruder CD1 1991
Flight Of The Intruder CD2 1991
Flipper (1996) CD1
Flipper (1996) CD2
Flower of the Arabian Nights 1974 CD1
Flower of the Arabian Nights 1974 CD2
Flubber 1997 CD1
Flubber 1997 CD2
Fly Away Home
Fly The (Kurt Neumann 1958)
Fog of war The 2003 limited theatrical version
For A Few Dollars More 1965
For Scent-imental Reasons (1949)
Foreigner The
Fourth Man
Frankenfish 2004
Frankenstrom 2001
Frantic (1988)
Frasier 01x01 - The Good Son
Frasier 01x02 - Space Quest
Frasier 01x03 - Dinner At Eight
Frasier 01x04 - I Hate Frasier Crane
Frasier 01x05 - Heres Looking At You
Frasier 01x06 - The Crucible
Frasier 01x07 - Call Me Irresponsible
Frasier 01x08 - Beloved Infidel
Frasier 01x09 - Selling Out
Frasier 01x10 - Oops
Frasier 01x12 - Miracle On Third Or Fourth Street
Frasier 02x01 - Slow Tango in South Seattle
Frasier 02x02 - The Unkindest Cut of All
Frasier 02x03 - Commentary by Director David Lee and Writer Joe Keenan
Frasier 02x03 - The Matchmaker
Frasier 02x04 - Flour Child
Frasier 02x05 - Dukes We Hardly Knew You
Frasier 02x06 - The Botched Language of Cranes
Frasier 02x07 - The Candidate
Frasier 02x08 - Adventures in Paradise Part 1
Frasier 02x09 - Adventures in Paradise Part 2
Frasier 02x10 - Burying a Grudge
Frasier 02x11 - Seat of Power
Frasier 02x12 - Roz in the Doghouse
Frasier 02x13 - Retirement is Murder
Frasier 02x14 - Fool Me Once Shame on You Fool Me Twice
Frasier 02x15 - You Scratch My Book
Frasier 02x16 - The Show Where Sam Shows Up
Frasier 02x17 - Daphnes Room
Frasier 02x18 - The Club
Frasier 02x19 - Someone to Watch Over Me
Frasier 02x20 - Breaking the Ice
Frasier 02x21 - An Affair to Forget
Frasier 02x22 - Agents In America Part 3
Frasier 02x23 - The Innkeepers
Frasier 02x24 - Dark Victory
Freddys Revenge A
Fredrikssons Fabrikk
Free Willy 1993
Free Willy 2 - The Adventure Home
Free Willy 3 - The Rescue
Freeway (Sous-titres)
French Connection II (1975)
French Connection The
Frenzy (1972)
Fresh (1994)
Fresh Bait 1995
Friday Night (2002)
Friday the 13th
Friday the 13th Part 8
Friends - 02x03 - the one where heckles dies
Friends - 02x09 - the one with with phoebes dad
Friends - 02x11 - the one with the lesbian wedding
Friends - 02x13 - the one after the superbowl part 2
Friends - 02x15 - the one where ross and rachel you know
Friends - 02x16 - the one where joey moves out
Friends - 02x18 - the one where dr ramoray dies
Friends - 02x20 - the one where old yeller dies
Friends - 02x22 - the one with two parties
Friends - 02x24 - the one with barry and mindys wedding
Friends - 10x01 - TOW After Joey And Rachel Kiss
Friends - 10x02 - TOW Where Ross Is Fine
Friends - 10x03 - TOW Ross Tan
Friends - 10x04 - TOW the cake
Friends - 10x05 - TOW Rachels Sister Babysits
Friends - 10x06 - TOW Rosss Grant
Friends - 10x07 - TOW The Home Study
Friends - 10x08 - TOW the late Thanksgiving
Friends - 10x09 - TOW the birth mother
Friends - 10x10 - TOW Chandler Gets Caught
Friends - 10x11 - TOW The Stripper Cries
Friends - 10x12 - TOW Phoebes Wedding
Friends - 10x13 - TOW Joey Speaks French
Friends - 10x14 - TOW Princess Consuela
Friends - 3 22 - The One With the Screamer
Friends - 3x01 - The One With the Princess Leia Fantasy
Friends - 3x02 - The One Where No Ones Ready
Friends - 3x03 - The One With the Jam
Friends - 3x04 - The One With the Metaphorical Tunnel
Friends - 3x05 - The One With Frank Jr
Friends - 3x06 - The One With the Flashback
Friends - 3x07 - The One With the Race Car Bed
Friends - 3x08 - The One With the Giant Poking Device
Friends - 3x09 - The One With the Football
Friends - 3x10 - The One Where Rachel Quits
Friends - 3x11 - The One Where Chandler Cant Remember
Friends - 3x12 - The One With All the Jealousy
Friends - 3x13 - The One Where Monica and Richard
Friends - 3x14 - The One With Phoebes Ex-Partner
Friends - 3x15 - The One Where Ross and Rachel Take
Friends - 3x16 - The One the Morning After
Friends - 3x17 - The One Without the Ski Trip
Friends - 3x18 - The One With the Hypnosis Tape
Friends - 3x19 - The One With the Tiny T-Shirt
Friends - 3x20 - The One With the Dollhouse
Friends - 3x21 - The One With a Chick and a Duck
Friends - 3x22 - The One With the Screamer
Friends - 3x23 - The One With Rosss Thing
Friends - 3x24 - The One With Ultimate Fighting Champ
Friends - 3x25 - The One at the Beach
Friends - 4x01 - The One With the Jellyfish
Friends - 4x02 - The One With the Cat
Friends - 4x03 - The One With the Cuffs
Friends - 4x04 - The One With the Ballroom Dancing
Friends - 4x05 - The One With Joeys New Girlfriend
Friends - 4x06 - The One With the Dirty Girl
Friends - 4x07 - The One Where Chandler Crosses
Friends - 4x08 - The One With Chandler in a Box
Friends - 4x09 - The One Where They are Going
Friends - 4x10 - The One With the Girl from
Friends - 4x11 - The One With Phoebes Uterus
Friends - 4x12 - The One With the Embryos
Friends - 4x13 - The One With Rachels Crush
Friends - 4x14 - The One With Joeys Dirty Day
Friends - 4x15 - The One With All the Rugby
Friends - 4x16 - The One With the Fake Party
Friends - 4x17 - The One With the Free Porn
Friends - 4x18 - The One With Rachels New Dress
Friends - 4x19 - The One With All the Haste
Friends - 4x20 - The One With All the Wedding Dresses
Friends - 4x21 - The One With the Invitation
Friends - 4x22 - The One With the Worst Best Man Ever
Friends - 4x23 - The One With Rosss Wedding - part 1
Friends - 4x24 - The One With Rosss Wedding - part 2
Friends - 5x01 - The One After Ross Says Rachel
Friends - 5x02 - The One With All the Kissing
Friends - 5x03 - The One Hundreth
Friends - 5x04 - The One Where Phoebe Hates PBS
Friends - 5x05 - The One With the Kips
Friends - 5x06 - The One With the Yeti
Friends - 5x07 - The One Where Ross Moves In
Friends - 5x08 - The One With All the Thanksgivins
Friends - 5x09 - The One With Rosss Sandwich
Friends - 5x10 - The One With the Inappropiate Sister
Friends - 5x11 - The One With All the Resolutions
Friends - 5x12 - The One With Chandlers Work Laugh
Friends - 5x13 - The One With Joeys Bag
Friends - 5x14 - The One Where Everyone Finds Out
Friends - 5x15 - The One With the Girl Who Hits Joey
Friends - 5x16 - The One With the Cop
Friends - 5x17 - The One With Rachels
Friends - 5x18 - The One Where Rachel Smokes
Friends - 5x19 - The One Where Ross Cant Flirt
Friends - 5x20 - The One With the Ride-Along
Friends - 5x21 - The One With the Ball
Friends - 5x22 - The One With Joeys Big Break
Friends - 5x23 - The One in Vegas
Friends - 6x01 - The One After Vegas
Friends - 6x02 - The One Where Ross Hugs Rachel
Friends - 6x03 - The One With Rosss Denial
Friends - 6x04 - The One Where Joey Loses His
Friends - 6x05 - The One With Joeys Porsche
Friends - 6x06 - The One On the Last Night
Friends - 6x07 - The One Where Phoebe Runs
Friends - 6x08 - The One With Rosss Teeth
Friends - 6x15
Friends 7x01 - The One with Monicas Thunder
Friends 7x02 - The One With Rachels Book
Friends 7x03 - The One With Phoebes Cookies
Friends 7x04 - The One With Rachels Assistant
Friends 7x05 - The One With The Engagement Picture
Friends 7x06 - The One With The Nap Partners
Friends 7x07 - The One with Rosss Library Book
Friends 7x08 - The One Where Chandler Doesnt Like Dogs
Friends 7x09 - The One With All the Candy
Friends 7x10 - The One With The Holiday Armadillo
Friends 7x11 - The One With All The Cheesecakes
Friends 7x12 - The One Where They are Up All Night
Friends 7x13 - The One Where Rosita Dies
Friends 7x14 - The One Where They All Turn Thirty
Friends 7x15 - The One With Joeys New Brain
Friends 7x16 - The One With the Truth About London
Friends 7x17 - The One With the Cheap Wedding Dress
Friends 7x18 - The One With Joeys Award
Friends 7x19 - The One With Ross and Monicas Cousin
Friends 7x20 - The One With Rachels Kisses
Friends 7x21 - The One With the Vows
Friends 7x22 - The One With Chandlers Dad
Friends 7x23 - The One With Monica and Chandlers Wedding Part 1
Friends 7x24 - The One With Monica and Chandlers Wedding Part 2
Friends 9x01 - The One Where No One Proposes
Friends 9x02 - The One Where Emma Cries
Friends 9x03 - The One With The Pediatrician
Friends 9x04 - The One With The Sharks
Friends 9x05 - The One With Phoebes Birthday Dinner
Friends 9x06 - The One With The Male Nanny
Friends 9x07 - The One With Rosss Inappropriate Song
Friends 9x08 - The One With Rachels Other Sister
Friends 9x09 - The One With Rachels Phone Number
Friends 9x10 - The One With Christmas In Tulsa
Friends 9x11 - The One Where Rachel Goes Back To Work
Friends 9x12 - The One With Phoebes Rats
Friends 9x13 - The One Where Monica Sings
Friends 9x14 - The One With The Blind Dates
Friends 9x15 - The One With The Mugging
Friends 9x16 - The One With The Boob Job
Friends 9x17 - The One With The Memorial Service
Friends 9x18 - The One With The Lottery
Friends 9x19 - The One With Rachels Dream
Friends 9x20 - The One With The Soap Opera Party
Friends 9x21 - The One With The Fertility Test
Friends 9x22 - The One With The Donor
Friends 9x23-24 - The One In Barbados 1 2)
Frisson des vampires Le
From Beijing with love
From Dusk Till Dawn
From Dusk Till Dawn 3 The Hangmans Daughter
From Hell
From Justin To Kelly (Special Edition)
Frontera La
Frusta e il corpo La
Fucking Amal
Fudoh The New Generation 1996
Fugitive The - The Chase Continues
Fugitives (2000)
Fukssvansen (Chop Chop)
Full Frontal 2002
Full Metal Jacket
Full Time Killer
Fun Movie (2002 Korean) CD1
Fun Movie (2002 Korean) CD2
Fun in Acapulco (Richard Thorpe 1963)
Funeral Parade of Roses
Funeral in Berlin
Funny Girl
Fuochi dArtifizio
Furia (2002)
Fury The (1978)
Futurama 1x01 - Space Pilot 3000
Futurama 1x02 - The Series Has Landed
Futurama 1x03 - I Roommate
Futurama 1x04 - Loves Labors Lost in Space
Futurama 1x05 - Fear of a Bot Planet
Futurama 1x06 - A Fishful of Dollars
Futurama 1x07 - My Three Suns
Futurama 1x08 - A Big Piece of Garbage
Futurama 1x09 - Hell is Other Robots
Futurama 2x01 - A Flight to Remember
Futurama 2x02 - Mars University
Futurama 2x03 - When Aliens Attack
Futurama 2x04 - Fry and the Slurm Factory
Futurama 3x01 - Amazon Women in the Mood
Futurama 3x02 - Parasites Lost
Futurama 3x03 - A Tale of Two Santas
Futurama 3x04 - The Luck of the Fryrish
Futurama 3x05 - The Birdbot of Ice-catraz
Futurama 3x06 - Bendless Love
Futurama 3x07 - The Day the Earth Stood Stupid
Futurama 3x08 - Thats Lobstertainment
Futurama 3x09 - The Cyber House Rules
Futurama 3x10 - Insane in the Mainframe
Futurama 3x10 - Where The Buggalo Roam
Futurama 3x12 - The Route of All Evil
Futurama 3x13 - Bendin in the Wind
Futurama 3x14 - Time Keeps on Slippin
Futurama 3x15 - I Dated a Robot
Futurama 3x16 - A Leela of Her Own
Futurama 3x17 - A Pharaoh To Remember
Futurama 3x18 - Anthology of Interest Part 2
Futurama 3x19 - Roswell That Ends Well
Futurama 3x20 - Godfellas
Futurama 3x21 - Future Stock
Futurama 3x22 - The 30 Iron Chef
Futurama 4x01 - Kif Gets Knocked Up a Notch
Futurama 4x02 - Leelas Homeworld
Futurama 4x03 - Love and Rocket
Futurama 4x04 - Less Than Hero
Futurama 4x05 - A Taste of Freedom
Futurama 4x06 - Bender Should Not Be Allowed on TV
Futurama 4x07 - Jurassic Bark
Futurama 4x08 - Crimes of the Hot
Futurama 4x09 - Teenage Mutant Leelas Hurdles
Futurama 4x10 - The Why of Fry
Futurama 4x11 - Where no Fan Has Gone Before
Futurama 4x12 - The Sting
Futurama 4x13 - Bend Her
Futurama 4x14 - Obsoletely Fabulous
Futurama 4x15 - The Farnsworth Parabox
Futurama 4x16 - Three Hundred Big Boys
Futurama 4x17 - Spanish Fry
Futurama 4x18 - The Devils Hands are Idle Playthings
Fyra Nyanser Av Brunt CD1
Fyra Nyanser Av Brunt CD2