Filthy, Rich and Catflap 01x06
Order, order, order!
The defendants will give order.
All right, matey boy,
I'll have a lager and a small sweet sherry for blubface here.
"Great gag, Eddie. " Yes, I rather think it was.
Your Honour, I throw myself on the mercy of the court.
I am only 14 years old.
Make me your ward. Bring me up as your own
and we shall learn to love each other.
I had been cruelly used and am an emaciated waif.
That's right. A 14-stone emaciated waif.
- I've got heavy bones. - Fatso.
Spare me, Your Honour, I am with child.
I'm with Eddie and that's the same thing.
- He made me do it! - Silence in my courtroom!
Richard Rich and Edward Catflap,
you stand accused of a sickening and degraded crime
that strikes at the very heart of our society
and mocks all that we hold decent and clean.
You exposed your bottoms on TV-am
and, what is worse, in front of, erm...
Miss Anne Diamond. How do you plead?
We plead like this, Your Majesty...
Please, please, please let us off!
Oh, go on, I'll be your slave for life. We meant no harm.
We thought Anne would appreciate a peek at the tradesman's entrance.
You do yourself no good service with this spineless grovelling.
Desist, I say, or it may be the worse for you.
He's milking it a bit. All the script says is "Shut your face, plop-pants. "
This is the last time we use anyone from RADA.
Far from appreciating your foul display,
Miss, er... Anne Diamond has stressed
that two such raddled and acne-ridden old orifices
have seldom been put before a sickened public
and has requested the severity of the sentence
mirror the ugliness of the, er... flaps.
In the absence of any defence
I therefore sentence you to be... shot.
Take them down.
That's why we got into trouble in the first place.
I wish he'd make his mind up.
Your Honour, I wish to speak on behalf of the defendants.
Oh, that's it, then. Goodbye, cruel world.
Mr Filthy! I have passed sentence.
The case is closed!
Your Hon, darling, sweetheart, please don't shout,
I have a delicate medical condition known as a hangover.
I contend that vital evidence was not put before the jury
and that, hence, there should be a retrial.
And this evidence... is?
Looby... the burden of the Crown's case to date
has stood solely upon the alleged horrifying nature
of my clients' garden gates.
I contend that a split-second of TV-am videotape
is not sufficient evidence
to so damningly brand a man's rear loader.
And hence, I further contend that it is my clients' right
that the jury should view the evidence.
The jury will view the evidence.
- Wanna look? - No! No!
Excuse me! We are still here, you know.
Never mind about hurting our feelings.
It seems I have no option
but to offer the defendants a conditional discharge.
And that condition is that you find gainful employment
outside of show business
in which you are clearly a menace
to clean-living TV presenters like, er...
Miss Anne Diamond. Case dismissed.
As for you, Mr Filthy,
I find you guilty of encouraging indecent exposure
with intent to cause a public affray.
And under the new Criminal Evidence Anti-Terrorist
The Police Can Do What They Bloody Well Like Bill,
I sentence you to be hung by the neck...
Well, you probably won't be coming down the pub, then.
- See ya. - Thanks, Filth. You're a mate.
Poor old Filthy. Gonna get hanged just for getting us off.
Still, we're all right, so sod 'im.
Mind you, Eddie, are we all right?
We've got to get gainful non-showbiz employment,
otherwise it's back in the jug.
What about stealing?
Of course, what a good idea! It's very romantic, isn't it?
Oh, I can see me now. I am the unblemished soul
cast down amongst criminals,
having to steal to stay alive, like Oliver Twist!
I should've been in Oliver.
Guess what they said at the audition.
"Sod off, ugly"?
That's amazing, were you there?
Ollie Twisto didn't do so badly from his life of crime,
thank you very much.
No siree bob, he certainly did not.
After a spell of pickpocketing, a rich gentleman discovered
that he was his dead daughter's illegitimate child,
and so he saved him.
- Maybe that will happen to us! - Yeah, maybe!
Though the chances are vaguely against it, aren't they?
No, no, no! It's all in the book.
"Why, Doctor," Mr Brownlow will say
in his gruff but kindly voice,
"Know ye not these two little urchins, Eddie and Richie?
"Study on the portrait of my dead daughter.
"Surely you'll vouchsafe that their faces are just like Fanny's?"
- Speak for yourself. - Now...
Ollie started in the workhouse.
We must throw ourselves on the mercy of the state.
But the state has no mercy.
They enjoy watching people starve to death.
- It's called monetarism. - Oh, yes.
Go straight to the pickpocketing.
Of course, yes! I've been entirely miscasting myself.
The Artful Dodger! That's the part for me.
Whipping fine silk hankies out the pockets of fops and beaux
- as they parade about. - Let's practise.
Try and get my wallet out of my back pocket without me noticing.
All right, skip. Shouldn't be difficult.
You got hit by a bus last week and didn't notice.
I had a lot on my mind.
You would do with a bus on your head.
- Brilliant joke, Richie! - Wasn't a bad one, was it?
Could we please just get on with the play?
Who knows who's watching? Mrs Thatcher could be watching.
The damn thing won't budge!
Of course not, it's nailed to my bottom.
There's a lot of pickpockets about.
This is ridiculous, we'll never get a job this way
and we'll be sent back to pris.
I'll phone Filthy, it's his responsibil to get us work.
He's in pris, under sentence of death.
Filthy! Great to see you! Commiserations.
- Here's half a Mars bar. - I ate the rest,
but I wiped your bit down.
Mind you, you should've seen what he wiped it with!
- Now, then, Filthy... - God, I'm ill.
Prison does not agree with me. This morning I coughed so hard
I blew my kidney out my backside.
Stop whingeing, you selfish little toady.
We're in deep troub because of what you did.
Just cos you got us off, the judge said we've got to get gainful employment.
- You want me to help you? - You are my agent.
I'm also under sentence of death.
All right, I'll help you if you do one small thing for me.
- Filthy, anything. - I want you to get me
a short piece of one-inch steel piping.
If I told you that I'd ruin the plot, Eddie.
I'd hardly call this meaningless stream of bot and knob gags a plot, would you?
It'll all come clear in the end. Get the piping.
- Righty-dokey. - Oh, God.
Here you go, Filthy.
Here's a bit of a gag to lighten the tone.
What's the similarity between this toilet bowl and your head?
I neither know nor care.
When you bang them together they both go "clunk".
If you can't get a laugh without lavatory humour, keep quiet.
There's the pipe. Now do something for us.
- You've got to suggest a job. - Well, daughters, I've been thinking.
It strikes me that, to date,
your career can be summed up in two words.
- Star spangled? - Complete disaster.
So, the first thing we must ask ourselves is
what are your qualities and talents?
Right, that's that out of the way. What's next?
This is no time to mince with words, Eddie.
We must be honest. Richie is a lying, cheating, vicious right-wing bastard
with the sexual sophistication of a retarded donkey.
Which means you are ideally suited to be...
- Yeah. - You mean...
- join the scum? - Become a journo?
What shall we do for an encore? Set fire to a hospital?
What you've got to do is go and see Dingo Wucker,
the big Australian publisher.
'The men who wrote that letter of introduction are here, sir. '
Christ, yes, I remember. What are their tits like?
'Er, they're men, sir. '
Dingo Wucker. Billionaire and ordinary bloke, g'day.
Richie Rich, major celeb, amazing bloke, g'day.
Edward Catflap, extraordinary fart impressionist, g'day.
- G'day! - G'day!
Excellent credentials -
a letter of introduction from Mrs Thatcher and Jimmy Tarbuck.
Thatcho and Tarbo, bloody great mates!
Forged, of course.
You wanna be journos so there's nothing wrong with that.
I liked its audacity.
- Take a seat. - Thought you'd never ask.
Take the weight off me plates,
put me bot on a spot. Save my bunions.
Take it easy, boys. "Bunions" is English for horrible feet.
They thought you said "unions".
You didn't say "unions", you slimy English commie?
Maybe you did, maybe you said "unions"...
- I said "bunions", you fat... - He said it again, you bastard!
We hate unions and you saved England by destroying them.
How clever to move to Wapping so that under Thatcher's new laws,
you could sack everyone after many years' service
and when they gathered outside your gates to protest,
how lucky we taxpayers were to pay for thousands of police
to keep them from the cash they earned for you.
- The bar closes in an hour. - Does it? Oh...
I'm thrilled to see you support my anti-communist actions.
I'll get you an assignment immediately from the editor.
He's in the copy room. I know that because I keep him on this string.
It's so I can be sure he has editorial freedom from me, his publisher.
- Yes, Mr Wucker? - The story on the chancellor.
Couldn't you work a bird into it some way?
Oh, come on.
You're a journo for God's sake, take some pride in your work.
- Who is this chancellor anyway? - He's a government minister.
Ah, it's a he, eh?
Oh, that means he's knobbed somebody recently, right?
Find out who, offer her £200 for a topless
and if she won't, rob her house, pinch her photo albums
and find a tits-out sunbathing shot.
Er, I don't think Mrs Lawson's ever been tits-out sunbathing.
Who the hell's Mrs Lawson? How old is she?
- I dunno. 50, 55? - Is she a lovable granny?
I doubt it.
I'm just not interested in women over 25 unless they're lovable grannies.
Don't argue with me about this.
I see our Budget coverage as a six-tit story, maybe even seven.
- Seven tits? - Yeah, profile shot. Very tasteful.
See to it, Bill. I've brought you these two new cub reporters.
- Celebrity experts. - That's us! Sha-zing!
You lucky, you've got something big. Tell 'em, Bill.
We had a call from the PM.
She's worried about all these pop stars doing loads of charity work.
It would be a charity if they all shut up.
James Last and Roger Whittaker are the only decent rockers.
Oh, I don't know. The Wombles can certainly kick ass.
Shut your beer-suckers and listen.
Bob Geldof and Midge Ure alerted people to the starving millions, right?
The PM is worried that somebody's gonna click
that the starvation is actually caused by rich countries screwing the Third World.
So, we're going to smear Sir Bob.
Ah. Sounds saucy. What are we going to smear him with?
Listen, we're going to get this do-gooder.
This is what I want you to do. We hear that Bob Geldof...
No, no. Midge Ure.
- What? - "We hear that Midge Ure... "
- Look 'ere... - What?
We couldn't get Geldof for the show.
- We've only got Midge Ure. - Midge... "Urrrh"?
- "Urrre". - Let me get this straight.
We have booked a man for my show called Midge "Uhhhrr"?
He's all we could get for a bottle of Woodpecker
and a snog with the stage doorman.
- I'm a semiprofessional actor. - Get on with it, you old ham.
Doing this means you'll probably get a panto next year.
We're getting reports that Midge Ure is a Soviet agent
and he's having an affair with Mrs Thatcher.
- I want the pics and the story. - Juicy!
Where did we get this? Squealer in the Ultravox entourage?
Don't be a moron, we made it up. That way we can be sure of all the facts.
- Now, piss off. - Right.
And, hey-let's be careful out there.
Right, Eddie-this is the plan.
I'll keep him talking, you stick Thatch in his bed,
spread the Russian stuff around and take pics.
While we're at it why don't we bung in a goat or an underage chicken?
Please keep the diseased flushings of your mind to yourself.
As British journos, I hope we have some moral code.
Shut up and let's get on with framing Midge "Urhhh".
I'll deal with the butler, or maybe it'll be a maid.
He's bound to be an equal opportunities employer.
- We might be on for a bit of sex. - Yeah, that's bound to happen.
Goodness, my dear, you're attractive. Get a load of this!
Shut up! Shut up!
All right, all right, so it's Midge Ure.
Don't behave like mindless sycophants.
He sells records to a few screaming knicker-wetters
and you think he's God!
I work my guts out and I can't even get on Blankety Blank.
Let's start again, shall we?
I'm a police officer. Here.
This is a library ticket.
Is it? Oh, damn.
"Police. " Right, there you are.
Oh, yes. What can I do for you?
I understand you've been holding all-night sex parties
in that bus shelter down the road.
Ridiculous. I hold my sex parties at Geldof's place.
- Ooh, do you? What's it like? - Well...
No, no, no... Nevertheless, I must ask you
to accompany me down the road.
You're making a big mistake here.
Not as big as you did agreeing to do this.
It is now the next day.
'And tomorrow is a historic day for British justice. '
The first execution under the new Police Act.
A government spokesman said bringing back hanging
was a return to traditional values.
There are plans to restore beheading
and the ritual slaughter of innocents by druids.
The condemned man, Ralph Filthy, a theatrical agent,
spoke out from his cell.
'I should like to thank all my clients
'for their many letters and messages of support. '
Unfortunately there haven't been any.
Also, if the landlord of Biggun's illegal drinking joint and peepo bar is tuned in,
I left an unfinished drink in the snug the other day.
Pop it over, be a looby.
A moving final appeal from a man about to die.
I've missed old Filthy.
Last December, with the meat cleaver. Missed him.
Point-blank range with my mum's air pistol. Missed him.
It just goes to show, if you want a job doing properly,
it's best not to drink 16 pints of lager beforehand.
That bitch at Boots.
She insisted I paid for the photos.
I promised her a mensh on my next show.
So I punched her and nicked 'em!
I'm enjoying the moral laxity of being a journo.
- What are the pics like? - I hope they're dirty.
I could do with a look at something dirty.
You're welcome to look at my duvet.
But be careful. It ate the dog last week.
Eddie, these are brilliant!
Perfect sex pics of Mrs Thatcher in Midge Ure's bed.
We're on our way to our first front page! Bill the editor will be so proud.
- Wait, I've just had a thought. - We should bake a cake.
30 years on from his mother's womb, Eddie's first thought.
It's rather a solemn moment.
Richie, there's something unpleasant on your trouser area.
- What? - My head.
Oh, bloody hell, that hurt, Eddie.
Ow, ow, that really hurt.
I must say, it was a lot harder than I was expecting.
It's these photos, they're so sexy.
Maybe we shouldn't take them to the papers,
maybe we should take them to Midge "Urrrgh" himself.
How much do you think he'd pay for them?
Are you suggesting we blackmail the world's greatest rock star?
No, I'm suggesting we blackmail Midge Ure.
- Hello again, Officer. - Ha-ha!
We're not police officers, you dupe! We're journos!
God, the scum!
- Yes, from the Daily Bastard! - That's us! Our cards...
Now then, Mr "Urrghhh".
Look at these and remember - we've got the negatives.
- Yes, right here. - Er, no.
We've got them in a highly secret place.
Not very nice are they? Let me paint a picture for you, Mr Midge.
Imagine a record shop where your new album has just come out.
I shall play a mother, Eddie, my daughter Cynthia.
- Action! - Oh, Mummy,
look at the lovely new Ultravox album. Can I buy it?
He's so talented even though he sings like there's a whippet down his trousers.
No, you may not, Cynthia.
Midge "Urghhh" is a filthy pervy, I read it in the Daily Bastard.
Not a very pretty picture, is it, "Urrrh"?
Not really, no.
Of course, for 200,000 billion pounds...
And the royalties from your great single Shaddap You Face.
What's a-matter you, hey!
Got-a no respect Shaddap you face
Fantastic, the only decent thing you ever did.
- So if you give us all that... - No one need see these pics.
- That would be a shame. - What?
You know the business, Rich, you're a pro.
Things like this don't harm stars like you and I any more.
In fact, a bit of scandal's quite good for the career.
And I've not had much publicity recently, so...
great, go for it. Publish.
- Edward? - Yes, I think I understand.
Cop this, Mr Midge Ure.
God, how embarrassing. Demoted on our first day.
Look at us now. Reduced to covering a common hanging.
What's more, it's only Filthy.
I wouldn't mind if it was somebody interesting.
The condemned man ate a hearty breakfast
consisting of 40 fags and a bottle of Scotch.
Unfortunately we were unable to comply with his last request
due to objections from the RSPCA.
- Bloody do-gooders. - The prisoner will mount the scaffold.
It is a far, far better thing that I do now
than what I have ever done before.
That can't be very hard. Everything you've done has been crap.
Did you know that it's a scientific fact
that when you get hung...
Yes, I did know that, Eddie, actually.
Ironic, really. First one in 15 years
and I won't be here to enjoy it.
Only joking, Filtho. Actually, we're both very, very, very sad.
No sense in moping, is there?
Perhaps you're right, Eddie.
I mean, after all, as I prepare to die
I have only one regret.
- Which is? - I wish...
- I wasn't being executed. - Sounds reasonable.
Prisoner Filthy, it is time.
No, no, no! Hang on! My flash hasn't warmed up yet.
See you in that great dressing room in the skies, loobies.
- Bravo! Well hung! - Encore!
The government would like us to warn children
that hanging is very dangerous
even though half of them want to bring it back.
That's it, you lot. Plenty more where this one came from.
- Marvellous! - Wasn't it? Rather!
- Oh, God, you're alive! - Of course I am, Richie.
I've got to be in the next series.
That's when you can force your wages up.
I've got some great lines this week -
"You're alive" and "But how?"
Let's get to a bit with lots of me in it.
That bit of piping you gave me - it's an old Newgate trick.
You stuff it down your throat
and it stops your windpipe collapsing. That's what I did.
But how can you have, Filthy? The pipe is still in the cell.
In that case it must have been
this safety harness that saved me, then.
Oh, God, what a rotten day.
Well, let's go home and think about it, shall we?
I knew nothing good would come of joining the scum.
It's easy to say something clever, isn't it?
Except it isn't really for you, is it?
Cos you're so thick.
Look, look, look, boys, shut up, shut up, I'm trying to think.
Now, it strikes me that what we should do
is take a leaf out of Midge's book and do what he does.
What, wander about with designer stubble,
wiggling our bots like we just sat on a Magimix?
Edward, you seem determined to ruin any chance
of being bought a drink by him in the bar after the show.
He's got pots of money, you know.
Look, look, look, stop it, boys, shut up, shut up.
All I'm saying is that if someone
as experienced in the business as Midgey
says that all publicity is good publicity
then what we should do is write about Richie.
Of course! Get paid to promote my own career!
What are we going to write about your fascinating lifestyle?
"Drunk has-been goes to the pub"?
"Fat failure cricks his neck ogling girl's bottom"?
Well, it's better than you.
"Lobotomised blubber mountain farts occasionally. "
I'm not trying to be scandalous, am I?
Lots of what I do is very fascinating indeed.
The gen pub would be very interested in my outrageous exploits.
That's right, you tell him.
- Like what? - What about my drug problem?
- Which is? - We're right out of aspirin.
And I'm getting very fond of Night Nurse.
Great. I can just see the headlines now -
"Richie Rich pinches a four-ounce cheeseburger.
"'I spent all my cash on Night Nurse,'
"he wailed to anyone prepared to listen, which was no one. "
Can you boys have forgotten so soon the first rule of journalism?
Of course, just make it up.
It's got to be spicy and with it.
- Sex, drink, nightclubs. - I've got it!
"Richie has sex and a drink in a nightclub. "
What about, "Richie has sex with a knight while drunk in a club"?
Good. What about "Richie gets put in the club
"by a drunk during the night"?
Don't be ridiculous, that's far too chintzy.
What you need is innuendo.
Of course, and I am the king of innuendo.
"Richie grasps his whopper in a club,
"oo-er, his drink I mean, madam. "
Fabulous! It's Guardian Journalist Of The Year for you!
I'm beginning to have second thoughts
about this whole "all publicity being good" lark.
I've been in the business a long time.
I can remember when Andrew Gardner blew off on News At Ten.
"Bong. Good evening, this is the news. "
Tense moment. The nation held its breath.
So did Anna Ford, I'm told.
What a nice story, Filthy. Is it relevant?
Of course it's rel, Richie, darling.
Couldn't be reller!
Now, it seems to me,
that, as journos,
you are in a unique position to destroy careers here.
And, if you destroyed enough of them...
- there'd only be... ... me left!
Are you suggesting that we systematically smear everyone
in British show business until there's only Richie left
so the BBC have to give him a job?
Why the hell not? I deserve a lucky break as much as anyone.
Well, as you know, boys, I rarely get excited
but right now I feel like I've been locked in an off-licence.
This must be the most comprehensive piece of libel
in the history of journalism.
Everyone in show business individually slandered
with you totally exonerated.
There can't have been such a catalogue of lies,
half-truths and self-congratulation
since... Ian MacGregor's account of the miners' strike.
- Have we got everyone? - Yep.
- Ooh, Vera Lynn? - Vera Lynn.
Aha. "Adolf Hitler's lover, rumoured to be a man. "
- Grange Hill kids? - Grange Hill kids...
Yes. The love-children of Jimmy Saville and Nana Mouskouri.
Outrageous! Lofty from EastEnders.
You know why they call him Lofty!
It's incredible, isn't it? We must have the whole of show business there.
- From the very bottom... - Roland Rat.
...to the very top - Benny Hill.
The Beeb's got Ronnie Barker
but ITV's got the guv'nor, Benny. 150 years in the biz.
And still telling the same joke.
Y'know, I've seen the original seaside postcard he got it off.
A national treasure.
Right, we've got the dirt, let's show Mr Wucker.
This is absolute dynamite! We'll blow every other paper off the street.
So, you're going to publish, then?
Publish? We're gonna publish nothing else.
There are stories on the economy, industrial relations and the NHS
but we can forget all that
cos this is a newspaper and nothing gets in the way of showbiz gossip.
Quite right too.
After this lot I don't know who the TV companies are gonna use.
We'll be on our way then, Mr Wucker.
Yeah, yeah, see ya... Hey.
I suppose there's some microscopic evidence
for all these allegations - we only need the tiniest crumb.
Yes, Mr Wucker, it's all completely and utterly true.
Er, Mr Wucker, I just want it noted
that Edward Didgeridoo Catflap said we had the proof.
Right. How do you spell "tits"?
Oh, dear, oh, dear. Never worked so hard in me life.
- Get the telly on. - Which channel?
It doesn't matter, he's on all of them.
'In a moment, Richtime,
'sparkling entertainment from Richie Rich.
'Followed at 7:30 by Top Of The Riches,
'and at 8:00, Life On Richie, a fascinating insight
'into the natural evolution of Richie Rich. '
Hello Mums, Hello Dads
Hello to all the family
God bless Gran, don't forget the kids
God bless the dog!
You're all nice people in this nicest of worlds
But I'm the nicest of all
Because I'm in showbiz
Watch me now Showbiz
I'm in showbiz
So drive safely and the best of British
The Best of British to you-ou
From me to everybody
Good old Riiichie Riiich
I think it's rubbish, I'm gonna vomit.
I can think of no higher compliment.
Shut up, I'm in this.
All the family.
Mums, Dads, Gran. And, of course, the kids.
Don't forget the kids. Look after Mum, kids,
and try and stay clear of the Loony Left.
Hello, yes, British Airways? No, I cannot hold.
This is Ralph Filthy. Yes, Richie Rich's agent.
Rio de Janeiro, yes, thank you very much.
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Farscape - 1x19 - Nerve
Farscape - 1x20 - The Hidden Memory
Farscape - 1x21 - Bone To Be Wild
Farscape - 1x22 - Family Ties
Farscape - 2x01 - Mind The Baby
Farscape - 2x02 - Vitas Mortis
Farscape - 2x03 - Talking The Stone
Farscape - 2x04 - Crackers Dont Matter
Farscape - 2x05 - The Way We Werent
Farscape - 2x06 - Picture If You Will
Farscape - 2x07 - Home On The Remains
Farscape - 2x08 - Dream A Little Dream
Farscape - 2x09 - Out Of Their Minds
Farscape - 2x10 - My Three Crichtons
Farscape - 2x11 - Look At The Princess I - A Kiss Is But A Kiss
Farscape - 2x12 - Look At The Princess II - I Do I Think
Farscape - 2x13 - Look At The Princess III - The Maltese Crichton
Farscape - 2x14 - Beware Of Dog
Farscape - 2x15 - Wont Get Fooled Again
Farscape - 2x16 - The Locket
Farscape - 2x17 - The Ugly Truth
Farscape - 2x18 - A Clockwork Nebari
Farscape - 2x19 - Liars Guns and Money I - A Not So Simple Plan
Farscape - 2x20 - Liars Guns and Money II - With Friends Like These
Farscape - 2x21 - Liars Guns and Money III - Plan B
Farscape - 2x22 - Die Me Dichotomy
Farscape - 3x01 - Season Of Death
Farscape - 3x02 - Suns And Lovers
Farscape - 3x03 - Self Inflicted Wounds I - Coulda Woulda Shoulda
Farscape - 3x04 - Self Inflicted Wounds II - Wait For The Wheel
Farscape - 3x05 - Different Destinations
Farscape - 3x06 - Eat Me
Farscape - 3x07 - Thanks For Sharing
Farscape - 3x08 - Green Eyed Monster
Farscape - 3x09 - Losing Time
Farscape - 3x10 - Relativity
Farscape - 3x11 - Incubator
Farscape - 3x12 - Meltdown
Farscape - 3x13 - Scratch N Sniff
Farscape - 3x14 - Infinite Possibilities I - Daedalus Demands
Farscape - 3x15 - Infinite Possibilities II - Icarus Abides
Farscape - 3x16 - Revenging Angel
Farscape - 3x17 - The Choice
Farscape - 3x18 - Fractures
Farscape - 3x19 - I-Yensch You-Yensch
Farscape - 3x20 - Into The Lions Den I - Lambs To The Slaugher
Farscape - 3x21 - Into The Lions Den II - Wolf In Sheeps Clothing
Farscape - 3x22 - Dog With Two Bones
Farscape - 4x01 - Crichton Kicks
Farscape - 4x02 - What Was Lost (Part 1) - Sacrifice
Farscape - 4x03 - What Was Lost (Part 2) - Resurrection
Farscape - 4x04 - Lavas A Many Splendored Thing
Farscape - 4x05 - Promises
Farscape - 4x06 - Natural Election
Farscape - 4x07 - John Quixote
Farscape - 4x08 - I Shrink Therefore I Am
Farscape - 4x09 - A Prefect Murder
Farscape - 4x10 - Coup By Clam
Farscape - 4x11 - Unrealized Reality (Part 1)
Farscape - 4x12 - Kansas (Part 2)
Farscape - 4x13 - Terra Firma (Part 3)
Farscape - 4x14 - Twice Shy
Farscape - 4x15 - Mental As Anything
Farscape - 4x16 - Bringing Home The Beacon
Farscape - 4x17 - A Constellation Of Doubt
Farscape - 4x18 - Prayer
Farscape - 4x19 - We are So Screwed - Fetal Attraction (Part 1)
Farscape - 4x20 - We are So Screwed - Hot To Katratzi (Part 2)
Farscape - 4x21 - We are So Screwed - La Bomba (Part 3)
Farscape - 4x22 - Bad Timing
Farscape - The Peacekeeper Wars (Part 1)
Farscape - The Peacekeeper Wars (Part 2)
Fast And Furious
Fat Choi Spirit
Fate Ignoranti Le
Father of a Soldier (Rezo Chkheidze 1964)
Father of the Bride
Fear Dot Com
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
Fear of Fear (Rainer Werner Fassbinder 1975)
Feed the Kitty (1952)
Fellowship of the Ring The
Female Convict Scorpion Beast Stable 1973 Shunya Ito
Female Prisoner 701 Scorpion 1972
Femme Fatale (2002)
Fiances The 1962
Fierce Creatures (1997)
Fight Club CD1
Fight Club CD2
Fighter in the Wind
Fighting Fish 2004
Fille Sur La Pont La
Filles Uniques 2003
Film That Was Never Made A
Filthy, Rich and Catflap 01x01
Filthy, Rich and Catflap 01x02
Filthy, Rich and Catflap 01x03
Filthy, Rich and Catflap 01x04
Filthy, Rich and Catflap 01x05
Filthy, Rich and Catflap 01x06
Final Countdown The 1980 CD1
Final Countdown The 1980 CD2
Final Destination - New Line Platinum Series
Final Friday The - Jason Goes To Hell 25fps
Final Insult The
Final Nightmare The
Finders Fee (Jeff Probst 2001)
Finding Forrester 2000
Fire in the Sky
Firefly - Serenity (pilot)
Firefly 1x01 - The train job
Firefly 1x02 - Bushwhacked
Firefly 1x03 - Shindig
Firefly 1x04 - Safe
Firefly 1x05 - Our mrs Reynolds
Firefly 1x06 - Jaynestown
Firefly 1x07 - Out of gas
Firefly 1x08 - Ariel
Firefly 1x09 - War stories
Firefly 1x10 - Trash
Firefly 1x11 - The message
Firefly 1x12 - Heart of gold
Firefly 1x13 - Objects in space
Firemens Ball The 1967
First Great Train Robbery The 1978 CD1
First Great Train Robbery The 1978 CD2
First Men In The Moon 1964
First Power The
Fish Called Wanda A
Fisher King The
Fistful Of Dollars A
Fistful of Dynamite A CD1
Fistful of Dynamite A CD2
Five Easy Pieces 1970 CD1
Five Easy Pieces 1970 CD2
Flash Gordon CD1
Flash Gordon CD2
Flesh and Blood CD1
Flesh and Blood CD2
Flight Of The Intruder CD1 1991
Flight Of The Intruder CD2 1991
Flipper (1996) CD1
Flipper (1996) CD2
Flower of the Arabian Nights 1974 CD1
Flower of the Arabian Nights 1974 CD2
Flubber 1997 CD1
Flubber 1997 CD2
Fly Away Home
Fly The (Kurt Neumann 1958)
Fog of war The 2003 limited theatrical version
For A Few Dollars More 1965
For Scent-imental Reasons (1949)
Frasier 01x01 - The Good Son
Frasier 01x02 - Space Quest
Frasier 01x03 - Dinner At Eight
Frasier 01x04 - I Hate Frasier Crane
Frasier 01x05 - Heres Looking At You
Frasier 01x06 - The Crucible
Frasier 01x07 - Call Me Irresponsible
Frasier 01x08 - Beloved Infidel
Frasier 01x09 - Selling Out
Frasier 01x10 - Oops
Frasier 01x12 - Miracle On Third Or Fourth Street
Frasier 02x01 - Slow Tango in South Seattle
Frasier 02x02 - The Unkindest Cut of All
Frasier 02x03 - Commentary by Director David Lee and Writer Joe Keenan
Frasier 02x03 - The Matchmaker
Frasier 02x04 - Flour Child
Frasier 02x05 - Dukes We Hardly Knew You
Frasier 02x06 - The Botched Language of Cranes
Frasier 02x07 - The Candidate
Frasier 02x08 - Adventures in Paradise Part 1
Frasier 02x09 - Adventures in Paradise Part 2
Frasier 02x10 - Burying a Grudge
Frasier 02x11 - Seat of Power
Frasier 02x12 - Roz in the Doghouse
Frasier 02x13 - Retirement is Murder
Frasier 02x14 - Fool Me Once Shame on You Fool Me Twice
Frasier 02x15 - You Scratch My Book
Frasier 02x16 - The Show Where Sam Shows Up
Frasier 02x17 - Daphnes Room
Frasier 02x18 - The Club
Frasier 02x19 - Someone to Watch Over Me
Frasier 02x20 - Breaking the Ice
Frasier 02x21 - An Affair to Forget
Frasier 02x22 - Agents In America Part 3
Frasier 02x23 - The Innkeepers
Frasier 02x24 - Dark Victory
Freddys Revenge A
Free Willy 1993
Free Willy 2 - The Adventure Home
Free Willy 3 - The Rescue
French Connection II (1975)
French Connection The
Fresh Bait 1995
Friday Night (2002)
Friday the 13th
Friday the 13th Part 8
Friends - 02x03 - the one where heckles dies
Friends - 02x09 - the one with with phoebes dad
Friends - 02x11 - the one with the lesbian wedding
Friends - 02x13 - the one after the superbowl part 2
Friends - 02x15 - the one where ross and rachel you know
Friends - 02x16 - the one where joey moves out
Friends - 02x18 - the one where dr ramoray dies
Friends - 02x20 - the one where old yeller dies
Friends - 02x22 - the one with two parties
Friends - 02x24 - the one with barry and mindys wedding
Friends - 10x01 - TOW After Joey And Rachel Kiss
Friends - 10x02 - TOW Where Ross Is Fine
Friends - 10x03 - TOW Ross Tan
Friends - 10x04 - TOW the cake
Friends - 10x05 - TOW Rachels Sister Babysits
Friends - 10x06 - TOW Rosss Grant
Friends - 10x07 - TOW The Home Study
Friends - 10x08 - TOW the late Thanksgiving
Friends - 10x09 - TOW the birth mother
Friends - 10x10 - TOW Chandler Gets Caught
Friends - 10x11 - TOW The Stripper Cries
Friends - 10x12 - TOW Phoebes Wedding
Friends - 10x13 - TOW Joey Speaks French
Friends - 10x14 - TOW Princess Consuela
Friends - 3 22 - The One With the Screamer
Friends - 3x01 - The One With the Princess Leia Fantasy
Friends - 3x02 - The One Where No Ones Ready
Friends - 3x03 - The One With the Jam
Friends - 3x04 - The One With the Metaphorical Tunnel
Friends - 3x05 - The One With Frank Jr
Friends - 3x06 - The One With the Flashback
Friends - 3x07 - The One With the Race Car Bed
Friends - 3x08 - The One With the Giant Poking Device
Friends - 3x09 - The One With the Football
Friends - 3x10 - The One Where Rachel Quits
Friends - 3x11 - The One Where Chandler Cant Remember
Friends - 3x12 - The One With All the Jealousy
Friends - 3x13 - The One Where Monica and Richard
Friends - 3x14 - The One With Phoebes Ex-Partner
Friends - 3x15 - The One Where Ross and Rachel Take
Friends - 3x16 - The One the Morning After
Friends - 3x17 - The One Without the Ski Trip
Friends - 3x18 - The One With the Hypnosis Tape
Friends - 3x19 - The One With the Tiny T-Shirt
Friends - 3x20 - The One With the Dollhouse
Friends - 3x21 - The One With a Chick and a Duck
Friends - 3x22 - The One With the Screamer
Friends - 3x23 - The One With Rosss Thing
Friends - 3x24 - The One With Ultimate Fighting Champ
Friends - 3x25 - The One at the Beach
Friends - 4x01 - The One With the Jellyfish
Friends - 4x02 - The One With the Cat
Friends - 4x03 - The One With the Cuffs
Friends - 4x04 - The One With the Ballroom Dancing
Friends - 4x05 - The One With Joeys New Girlfriend
Friends - 4x06 - The One With the Dirty Girl
Friends - 4x07 - The One Where Chandler Crosses
Friends - 4x08 - The One With Chandler in a Box
Friends - 4x09 - The One Where They are Going
Friends - 4x10 - The One With the Girl from
Friends - 4x11 - The One With Phoebes Uterus
Friends - 4x12 - The One With the Embryos
Friends - 4x13 - The One With Rachels Crush
Friends - 4x14 - The One With Joeys Dirty Day
Friends - 4x15 - The One With All the Rugby
Friends - 4x16 - The One With the Fake Party
Friends - 4x17 - The One With the Free Porn
Friends - 4x18 - The One With Rachels New Dress
Friends - 4x19 - The One With All the Haste
Friends - 4x20 - The One With All the Wedding Dresses
Friends - 4x21 - The One With the Invitation
Friends - 4x22 - The One With the Worst Best Man Ever
Friends - 4x23 - The One With Rosss Wedding - part 1
Friends - 4x24 - The One With Rosss Wedding - part 2
Friends - 5x01 - The One After Ross Says Rachel
Friends - 5x02 - The One With All the Kissing
Friends - 5x03 - The One Hundreth
Friends - 5x04 - The One Where Phoebe Hates PBS
Friends - 5x05 - The One With the Kips
Friends - 5x06 - The One With the Yeti
Friends - 5x07 - The One Where Ross Moves In
Friends - 5x08 - The One With All the Thanksgivins
Friends - 5x09 - The One With Rosss Sandwich
Friends - 5x10 - The One With the Inappropiate Sister
Friends - 5x11 - The One With All the Resolutions
Friends - 5x12 - The One With Chandlers Work Laugh
Friends - 5x13 - The One With Joeys Bag
Friends - 5x14 - The One Where Everyone Finds Out
Friends - 5x15 - The One With the Girl Who Hits Joey
Friends - 5x16 - The One With the Cop
Friends - 5x17 - The One With Rachels
Friends - 5x18 - The One Where Rachel Smokes
Friends - 5x19 - The One Where Ross Cant Flirt
Friends - 5x20 - The One With the Ride-Along
Friends - 5x21 - The One With the Ball
Friends - 5x22 - The One With Joeys Big Break
Friends - 5x23 - The One in Vegas
Friends - 6x01 - The One After Vegas
Friends - 6x02 - The One Where Ross Hugs Rachel
Friends - 6x03 - The One With Rosss Denial
Friends - 6x04 - The One Where Joey Loses His
Friends - 6x05 - The One With Joeys Porsche
Friends - 6x06 - The One On the Last Night
Friends - 6x07 - The One Where Phoebe Runs
Friends - 6x08 - The One With Rosss Teeth
Friends - 6x15
Friends 7x01 - The One with Monicas Thunder
Friends 7x02 - The One With Rachels Book
Friends 7x03 - The One With Phoebes Cookies
Friends 7x04 - The One With Rachels Assistant
Friends 7x05 - The One With The Engagement Picture
Friends 7x06 - The One With The Nap Partners
Friends 7x07 - The One with Rosss Library Book
Friends 7x08 - The One Where Chandler Doesnt Like Dogs
Friends 7x09 - The One With All the Candy
Friends 7x10 - The One With The Holiday Armadillo
Friends 7x11 - The One With All The Cheesecakes
Friends 7x12 - The One Where They are Up All Night
Friends 7x13 - The One Where Rosita Dies
Friends 7x14 - The One Where They All Turn Thirty
Friends 7x15 - The One With Joeys New Brain
Friends 7x16 - The One With the Truth About London
Friends 7x17 - The One With the Cheap Wedding Dress
Friends 7x18 - The One With Joeys Award
Friends 7x19 - The One With Ross and Monicas Cousin
Friends 7x20 - The One With Rachels Kisses
Friends 7x21 - The One With the Vows
Friends 7x22 - The One With Chandlers Dad
Friends 7x23 - The One With Monica and Chandlers Wedding Part 1
Friends 7x24 - The One With Monica and Chandlers Wedding Part 2
Friends 9x01 - The One Where No One Proposes
Friends 9x02 - The One Where Emma Cries
Friends 9x03 - The One With The Pediatrician
Friends 9x04 - The One With The Sharks
Friends 9x05 - The One With Phoebes Birthday Dinner
Friends 9x06 - The One With The Male Nanny
Friends 9x07 - The One With Rosss Inappropriate Song
Friends 9x08 - The One With Rachels Other Sister
Friends 9x09 - The One With Rachels Phone Number
Friends 9x10 - The One With Christmas In Tulsa
Friends 9x11 - The One Where Rachel Goes Back To Work
Friends 9x12 - The One With Phoebes Rats
Friends 9x13 - The One Where Monica Sings
Friends 9x14 - The One With The Blind Dates
Friends 9x15 - The One With The Mugging
Friends 9x16 - The One With The Boob Job
Friends 9x17 - The One With The Memorial Service
Friends 9x18 - The One With The Lottery
Friends 9x19 - The One With Rachels Dream
Friends 9x20 - The One With The Soap Opera Party
Friends 9x21 - The One With The Fertility Test
Friends 9x22 - The One With The Donor
Friends 9x23-24 - The One In Barbados 1 2)
Frisson des vampires Le
From Beijing with love
From Dusk Till Dawn
From Dusk Till Dawn 3 The Hangmans Daughter
From Justin To Kelly (Special Edition)
Frusta e il corpo La
Fudoh The New Generation 1996
Fugitive The - The Chase Continues
Fukssvansen (Chop Chop)
Full Frontal 2002
Full Metal Jacket
Full Time Killer
Fun Movie (2002 Korean) CD1
Fun Movie (2002 Korean) CD2
Fun in Acapulco (Richard Thorpe 1963)
Funeral Parade of Roses
Funeral in Berlin
Fury The (1978)
Futurama 1x01 - Space Pilot 3000
Futurama 1x02 - The Series Has Landed
Futurama 1x03 - I Roommate
Futurama 1x04 - Loves Labors Lost in Space
Futurama 1x05 - Fear of a Bot Planet
Futurama 1x06 - A Fishful of Dollars
Futurama 1x07 - My Three Suns
Futurama 1x08 - A Big Piece of Garbage
Futurama 1x09 - Hell is Other Robots
Futurama 2x01 - A Flight to Remember
Futurama 2x02 - Mars University
Futurama 2x03 - When Aliens Attack
Futurama 2x04 - Fry and the Slurm Factory
Futurama 3x01 - Amazon Women in the Mood
Futurama 3x02 - Parasites Lost
Futurama 3x03 - A Tale of Two Santas
Futurama 3x04 - The Luck of the Fryrish
Futurama 3x05 - The Birdbot of Ice-catraz
Futurama 3x06 - Bendless Love
Futurama 3x07 - The Day the Earth Stood Stupid
Futurama 3x08 - Thats Lobstertainment
Futurama 3x09 - The Cyber House Rules
Futurama 3x10 - Insane in the Mainframe
Futurama 3x10 - Where The Buggalo Roam
Futurama 3x12 - The Route of All Evil
Futurama 3x13 - Bendin in the Wind
Futurama 3x14 - Time Keeps on Slippin
Futurama 3x15 - I Dated a Robot
Futurama 3x16 - A Leela of Her Own
Futurama 3x17 - A Pharaoh To Remember
Futurama 3x18 - Anthology of Interest Part 2
Futurama 3x19 - Roswell That Ends Well
Futurama 3x20 - Godfellas
Futurama 3x21 - Future Stock
Futurama 3x22 - The 30 Iron Chef
Futurama 4x01 - Kif Gets Knocked Up a Notch
Futurama 4x02 - Leelas Homeworld
Futurama 4x03 - Love and Rocket
Futurama 4x04 - Less Than Hero
Futurama 4x05 - A Taste of Freedom
Futurama 4x06 - Bender Should Not Be Allowed on TV
Futurama 4x07 - Jurassic Bark
Futurama 4x08 - Crimes of the Hot
Futurama 4x09 - Teenage Mutant Leelas Hurdles
Futurama 4x10 - The Why of Fry
Futurama 4x11 - Where no Fan Has Gone Before
Futurama 4x12 - The Sting
Futurama 4x13 - Bend Her
Futurama 4x14 - Obsoletely Fabulous
Futurama 4x15 - The Farnsworth Parabox
Futurama 4x16 - Three Hundred Big Boys
Futurama 4x17 - Spanish Fry
Futurama 4x18 - The Devils Hands are Idle Playthings
Fyra Nyanser Av Brunt CD1
Fyra Nyanser Av Brunt CD2