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Frasier 02x02 - The Unkindest Cut of All

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- What the hell are you doing? - Ironing your son's socks.
Why don't you twist them into balls like you do mine?
He says it bruises the cashmere. He likes them pressed, folded,
then neatly arranged in sock dividers.
I saw them in a catalogue once,
but couldn't imagine who would buy such silly things.
Of course, I hadn't met Dr Crane yet.
We thought there'd been a mix-up at the hospital.
When Niles came along, it shot that theory all to hell.
Oh, Dad, please. Coaster.
Your beer is sweating.
So am I. You want to shove one of those under my can?
(Doorbell rings)
If he could, he would.
Mrs Greenway, what a pleasant surprise.
- That's him. - Won't you come in?
I had to see him again, but now I'm positive.
That is the horny little mixed breed who got my Phoebe pregnant.
You can't just bust in here accusing my dog.
I had to keep shooing him away from Phoebe in the park!
Look at him. He doesn't care whose life he's ruined!
All he cares about is his own selfish pleasure!
You know your problem, Dorothea? You got a bad attitude.
That's why nobody sits with you in the park.
There's no way Eddie could be the father. He's been neutered.
Oh, really? Then how do you explain these?
Oh, my God!
- They're miniature Eddies! - Aren't they adorable?
Well, I'm glad you think so, because they're yours.
Bad dog! Look what you did! Here, take these.
Dad, I expect an explanation. I thought Eddie had been fixed.
All you had to do was look.
Well, I'm glad to say I've never been that bored.
- Couldn't you just eat 'em up? - For God's sake. Don't love them.
They'll think they're staying. Keep them off the couch.
Why did you let him run in the park?
Haven't you seen the way he romances my towel warmer?
He's cooped up here all day.
In the park, I let him get some exercise.
Apparently, that's not all he got.
I've found the perfect name for this one.
Dogs only need names if you plan to call them to you.
Listen, you get right back in there, you mangy little thing! My God!
I'm going to the radio station. We'll talk when I get back.
Oh, relax, Frasier. I'll have Eddie taken care of tomorrow.
You better. Daphne, give me that box.
Where are you taking them?
- To unload them at the station. - Couldn't we keep them for a while?
No. We don't want them taking after their father.
It may be too late already.
Oh, for God's sake. Stop staring at me!
Hello, Roz. You look lovely.
- I don't want one. - I didn't say anything.
Betty from accounting warned me. Where did you find them?
In my living room. These are Eddie's mongrel seed.
Do you know anybody that wants six puppies?
Six? All right, Eddie!
I've been in the hallway for an hour trying to unload them.
- I haven't had any luck. - Not everybody likes dogs.
Take me. I'm a cat person. It's not like I'd buy a cat mug,
but I had a cat when I was growing up.
We were almost inseparable.
Muffles or Scruffles, something like that.
You know, Roz, it's possible there's a dog lover
inside you just dying to get out. Don't you think so?
Come on. Just take a look.
Come on. Take a look. Have a look.
Oh, he's adorable! Oh, come here, little fella!
Oh. Aren't you the cutest little thing?
Oh, yeah.
Give me a kiss. Give me a kiss. Oh! I love you too.
There. Happy now?
Roz, how can you just toss him aside
after such a tender display of affection?
I can do it with men, too.
Come on. It's time to start the show.
Phil, puppy! Puppy!
They're all on to me. All right, you behave yourselves.
Hello, Seattle. This is Dr Frasier Crane,
coming to you from KACL 780 Talk Radio.
I'll be with you for the next three hours.
Roz, who's our first caller?
Rita is on line four. She feels overwhelmed at home.
Hello, Rita. I'm listening.
(Rita) 'Yeah, Dr Crane.
'Oh, Dr Crane, thank you for taking my call.
'I...I tell you, I...
'I'm about to lose my mind.
'I am raising four kids by myself.
'The oldest one is not even seven and the others are under five.
'Between cooking, cleaning, changing diapers and tripping over toys...
'I...feel sometimes like l am about to snap.
'What should I do?'
Have you considered getting a puppy?
(Puppies whimper)
If we can't have this one, are there any others available?
No. We found homes for the others.
- Thanks for coming over. - But the children. Dr Crane...
There are other dogs in the world. Now, give me that.
Thank you for coming over. Thank you.
I thought you might like some wine and pâté.
I made some lemonade for the children.
Where are the Thomasons? Why is that dog still here?
I'm sorry, but they struck me as unfit guardians.
For God's sake. He works at the zoo!
She's a nurse! Billy's an altar boy and Kathy is a campfire girl!
They had a dark aura.
They had a ten-acre farm! I'd have gone with them!
I see. So you want me to give him away to just anybody?
I'm not saying that. It's just that he can't stay here.
- Hello, Niles. Come in. - I hope you don't mind my stopping by.
Maris is hosting the Women's League Senior Yoga Group.
And, well, old money and body stockings...
Say no more. You're welcome to hide out here.
- I see the kennel is still open. - Yes, but that's the last one.
I'd found a home for him, but Daphne thought the family wasn't nice enough.
- Some pâté, Niles? - I didn't reject them. The dog did.
Canines have a very keen sense of who's a nice person.
Many's the time I've chosen a man based solely
on the way my mum's spaniel took to him.
Daphne, that is preposterous, letting a dog choose your dates.
It's true. If a dog likes a man,
it's a good bet he's warm and sensitive.
I didn't get a good look at this little tike.
Come here, boy. Come to your Uncle Niles. Oh! Oh!
He's taken quite a shine to you.
Yes. Happens all the time.
Daphne, would you take the dog away?
Phone the Thomasons and tell them we've reconsidered.
All right, but only for a two-week trial.
- Thank you. - Come along, Basil.
I told you not to name them!
- Hello, Dad. - Afternoon, boys.
Dad, I seem to remember that Eddie
had a little appointment down at the vet's.
I can't help but notice he still has that...spring in his step.
We started heading down there, but the traffic was a bear.
You get a sunny day and everybody forgets how to drive.
You are going to reschedule?
(Martin) Oh, yeah. I'll call in the morning.
This is the second time you've cancelled. What's the problem?
'There's no problem. What's the big deal?
'I'll call tomorrow. Relax, will you?'
- Dear God, he's licking me! - Eddie!
Eddie, just stop.
You have liver behind your ears.
I imagine I must have picked up a cracker
and inadvertently scratched behind my ear.
You had a wad of cold meat behind your ears
and you didn't feel it?
That's the story I'm sticking with, yes.
I want an assurance you'll take care of it.
- You promise? - I said I'd do it and I will!
Get off my back! I'll be down at Duke's.
Ever notice how much faster he moves when he's wrong?
He's got a psychological block against taking Eddie there.
I'll have to do it. Somebody has to be responsible. Good boy.
Come on. Let's go. Eddie?
Uh, Niles.
Oh. Now, Eddie, it's a routine operation.
They say it's almost painless, although I can't imagine...
No, Niles. Perhaps it's best we don't discuss the operation.
We might spook him.
Excuse me? Are you saying he understands me?
Well, he understands the word B-A-T-H.
God knows how much English he's picked up.
(Speaking French)
What are we doing? Eddie, come here!
This is ridiculous. Look at him!
What are you staring at?
You know why you're here, don't you?
Listen, it's for your own good. You'll be much happier afterwards.
Look, your day-to-day routine, it'll be exactly the same.
You'll be able to sleep, run around with your little buddies,
go play in the woods, chase the birds, lick your...
Did I mention sleep?
You got a lot of nerve! You all right, boy?
Why are you so upset?
- I'm helping you out. - That's a load of crap!
We agreed on this. You had a problem so l took charge.
I don't need you taking charge. Mind your own business.
I don't need your help and l don't want it!
It doesn't matter who brought him here.
I can do it, I feed him, walk him and give him his bath.
- Eddie! - No!
- See what you did? - Me?
OK, thanks. Listen, Daphne's here in case anybody sees him.
I got the guys at the station circulating Eddie's picture.
- I'll look for him some more. - You've done enough.
- Sit still and drink your tea. - I hate tea.
In an emergency, it's all I know how to do.
That's a real comfort, coming from a health-care provider.
Dad, I'm sorry. There was no luck at the pound.
They'll call if they find a dog matching Eddie's description.
A $500 reward for Eddie?
Are you sure it's enough?
It's about 500 more than l'd pay to get you back.
Dad, I said I was sorry.
I can't sit here. I'm going back to the park.
What makes you think he'll show up there?
That's his hangout. Didn't you have a place where you met women,
a place where you got lucky?
- Well, I suppose so. - Didn't you go back?
To the park!
This time we'll comb every inch of it, every tree, every bush.
- Daphne, we'll need help. - Call Niles. Tell him we'll pick him up.
Why go into the wild without one of the great outdoors men?
Oh, this is odd.
l just got a psychic flash about Eddie.
- Well? - It doesn't make any sense.
All I'm getting is a picture of Eddie sitting with Dr Crane.
Dr Frasier Crane... he listens
- Any luck? - I couldn't find him.
- Where's Niles? - We split up to cover more ground.
Scrunch down. If Eddie sees you here, he'll run away again.
Let's call it a night. You've been here three hours.
I was on a stakeout for 1 5 hours without getting out of the car.
We had a contest to see who'd last longest.
The winner was Canteen McHugh. Know why we called him that?
I think I can guess.
His bladder was the size of a canteen.
Thank you for clearing that up.
You could have slung it on your shoulder
and done a 20-mile march through the desert.
- Big, huh? - That's what I've been saying.
Close that window! It's freezing!
- It's like a blast furnace. - At my age, you get cold easily.
Dad, I've just developed a very interesting theory about you.
lf I begged you, would you share it with me?
If that's your attitude, just forget it.
(Car phone rings)
Hello? Oh, Niles.
- Did he find him? - Just a second.
Let me put you on speakerphone. Hang on.
- OK. Go ahead, Niles. - (Niles) 'I'm in the park and l'm lost.
- 'Thank God for my cellular.' - Did you see Eddie?
'No, but I thought I saw a raccoon.
'When I stopped running, I had no idea where I was.
- 'You've got to help me.' - Niles, just remain calm.
Let me think back to my Boy Scout training.
Now, we're on the northeast corner of the park.
All right, look into the heavens
and see if you can spot the North Star.
Then you turn 12 degrees...
For God's sake! Walk towards the horn.
(Car horn beeps)
'I hear it, Dad. I'm walking.'
All right. Just keep following it.
'I see a grove of trees and a fountain
'and a horrible hunchbacked old man. Stay away from me!
'No. It was just a bush.
'Things are beginning to look familiar. Keep honking.
(Car horn beeps)
'I think I'm homing in. I'm quite sure this is the way.'
OK, you can hang up now.
That was a harrowing experience.
A shrub and a raccoon and you live to tell about it.
Dad, I'm sorry I couldn't find Eddie. I hope you understand.
I think I'd like to go home now and hold my wife.
That is, if she'll let me. I'll just hail a cab.
Call us from the curb so we know you're safe.
You're probably tired. If you want to go, it's OK.
That's all right, Dad. I'll stay for a while longer.
I'm sorry I cut you off like that before.
I've just never gone in for psychological mumbo jumbo.
Probably started on the force when we had to see ''The Squirrel''.
Dr Bergman. The department shrink. It was his nickname.
Guys got sent to him when they got squirrelly.
He'd show you ink blots and ask about your toilet habits.
I could talk about that with Nat Dembrowski.
- We nicknamed him the Big... - Thank you.
Look, it wasn't just Eddie I was mad about.
Eddie was the straw that broke the camel's back.
I'm always being told to take my feet off the furniture,
put a coaster under my beer, turn the TV down.
I used to make the rules and now l follow them.
Does this make any sense to you?
Psychologically, it makes perfect sense.
Slowly your responsibilities have been taken away from you
and you... Well, you feel...symbolically castrated.
Why does everything with you shrinks start in the crotch?
All right, all right.
Well, maybe my rules are too rigid.
Maybe I should relax a little.
No, no. Hey, it's your house. You do what you want.
I don't know what's bugging me.
I guess it's not easy for a guy like me to not be in charge.
People confuse not being in charge with not being respected.
I...hope you're not making that mistake.
Cos you command a great deal of respect.
Every day I hold myself up to the Martin Crane yardstick.
I guess a son always wants to make his father proud.
Yeah, I guess.
Yeah, yeah, you're doing fine.
Even if you are a big pain in the ass.
I don't know if I could have made Eddie have that operation.
That's a tough thing for a guy to do to another guy.
Amen to that.
You know, it's getting late.
What do you say we get some sleep?
Eddie! Come here, boy!
Hey, attaboy! Hey-hey!
Good to see you, fella. How are you doing?
- Welcome him back. - Hello, Eddie. Good dog. Oh, wet dog!
You're shivering. Here. We got to get you warmed up.
Dad, that's a 100% cashmere pullover!
It's meant to be worn with the collar up.
# Hey baby, I hear the blues are calling tossed salads and scrambled eggs
# Mercy!
# And maybe I seem a bit confused Well, maybe, but I got you pegged
# But I don't know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs
# They're calling again #
Thank you.
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Friends - 3x05 - The One With Frank Jr
Friends - 3x06 - The One With the Flashback
Friends - 3x07 - The One With the Race Car Bed
Friends - 3x08 - The One With the Giant Poking Device
Friends - 3x09 - The One With the Football
Friends - 3x10 - The One Where Rachel Quits
Friends - 3x11 - The One Where Chandler Cant Remember
Friends - 3x12 - The One With All the Jealousy
Friends - 3x13 - The One Where Monica and Richard
Friends - 3x14 - The One With Phoebes Ex-Partner
Friends - 3x15 - The One Where Ross and Rachel Take
Friends - 3x16 - The One the Morning After
Friends - 3x17 - The One Without the Ski Trip
Friends - 3x18 - The One With the Hypnosis Tape
Friends - 3x19 - The One With the Tiny T-Shirt
Friends - 3x20 - The One With the Dollhouse
Friends - 3x21 - The One With a Chick and a Duck
Friends - 3x22 - The One With the Screamer
Friends - 3x23 - The One With Rosss Thing
Friends - 3x24 - The One With Ultimate Fighting Champ
Friends - 3x25 - The One at the Beach
Friends - 4x01 - The One With the Jellyfish
Friends - 4x02 - The One With the Cat
Friends - 4x03 - The One With the Cuffs
Friends - 4x04 - The One With the Ballroom Dancing
Friends - 4x05 - The One With Joeys New Girlfriend
Friends - 4x06 - The One With the Dirty Girl
Friends - 4x07 - The One Where Chandler Crosses
Friends - 4x08 - The One With Chandler in a Box
Friends - 4x09 - The One Where They are Going
Friends - 4x10 - The One With the Girl from
Friends - 4x11 - The One With Phoebes Uterus
Friends - 4x12 - The One With the Embryos
Friends - 4x13 - The One With Rachels Crush
Friends - 4x14 - The One With Joeys Dirty Day
Friends - 4x15 - The One With All the Rugby
Friends - 4x16 - The One With the Fake Party
Friends - 4x17 - The One With the Free Porn
Friends - 4x18 - The One With Rachels New Dress
Friends - 4x19 - The One With All the Haste
Friends - 4x20 - The One With All the Wedding Dresses
Friends - 4x21 - The One With the Invitation
Friends - 4x22 - The One With the Worst Best Man Ever
Friends - 4x23 - The One With Rosss Wedding - part 1
Friends - 4x24 - The One With Rosss Wedding - part 2
Friends - 5x01 - The One After Ross Says Rachel
Friends - 5x02 - The One With All the Kissing
Friends - 5x03 - The One Hundreth
Friends - 5x04 - The One Where Phoebe Hates PBS
Friends - 5x05 - The One With the Kips
Friends - 5x06 - The One With the Yeti
Friends - 5x07 - The One Where Ross Moves In
Friends - 5x08 - The One With All the Thanksgivins
Friends - 5x09 - The One With Rosss Sandwich
Friends - 5x10 - The One With the Inappropiate Sister
Friends - 5x11 - The One With All the Resolutions
Friends - 5x12 - The One With Chandlers Work Laugh
Friends - 5x13 - The One With Joeys Bag
Friends - 5x14 - The One Where Everyone Finds Out
Friends - 5x15 - The One With the Girl Who Hits Joey
Friends - 5x16 - The One With the Cop
Friends - 5x17 - The One With Rachels
Friends - 5x18 - The One Where Rachel Smokes
Friends - 5x19 - The One Where Ross Cant Flirt
Friends - 5x20 - The One With the Ride-Along
Friends - 5x21 - The One With the Ball
Friends - 5x22 - The One With Joeys Big Break
Friends - 5x23 - The One in Vegas
Friends - 6x01 - The One After Vegas
Friends - 6x02 - The One Where Ross Hugs Rachel
Friends - 6x03 - The One With Rosss Denial
Friends - 6x04 - The One Where Joey Loses His
Friends - 6x05 - The One With Joeys Porsche
Friends - 6x06 - The One On the Last Night
Friends - 6x07 - The One Where Phoebe Runs
Friends - 6x08 - The One With Rosss Teeth
Friends - 6x15
Friends 7x01 - The One with Monicas Thunder
Friends 7x02 - The One With Rachels Book
Friends 7x03 - The One With Phoebes Cookies
Friends 7x04 - The One With Rachels Assistant
Friends 7x05 - The One With The Engagement Picture
Friends 7x06 - The One With The Nap Partners
Friends 7x07 - The One with Rosss Library Book
Friends 7x08 - The One Where Chandler Doesnt Like Dogs
Friends 7x09 - The One With All the Candy
Friends 7x10 - The One With The Holiday Armadillo
Friends 7x11 - The One With All The Cheesecakes
Friends 7x12 - The One Where They are Up All Night
Friends 7x13 - The One Where Rosita Dies
Friends 7x14 - The One Where They All Turn Thirty
Friends 7x15 - The One With Joeys New Brain
Friends 7x16 - The One With the Truth About London
Friends 7x17 - The One With the Cheap Wedding Dress
Friends 7x18 - The One With Joeys Award
Friends 7x19 - The One With Ross and Monicas Cousin
Friends 7x20 - The One With Rachels Kisses
Friends 7x21 - The One With the Vows
Friends 7x22 - The One With Chandlers Dad
Friends 7x23 - The One With Monica and Chandlers Wedding Part 1
Friends 7x24 - The One With Monica and Chandlers Wedding Part 2
Friends 9x01 - The One Where No One Proposes
Friends 9x02 - The One Where Emma Cries
Friends 9x03 - The One With The Pediatrician
Friends 9x04 - The One With The Sharks
Friends 9x05 - The One With Phoebes Birthday Dinner
Friends 9x06 - The One With The Male Nanny
Friends 9x07 - The One With Rosss Inappropriate Song
Friends 9x08 - The One With Rachels Other Sister
Friends 9x09 - The One With Rachels Phone Number
Friends 9x10 - The One With Christmas In Tulsa
Friends 9x11 - The One Where Rachel Goes Back To Work
Friends 9x12 - The One With Phoebes Rats
Friends 9x13 - The One Where Monica Sings
Friends 9x14 - The One With The Blind Dates
Friends 9x15 - The One With The Mugging
Friends 9x16 - The One With The Boob Job
Friends 9x17 - The One With The Memorial Service
Friends 9x18 - The One With The Lottery
Friends 9x19 - The One With Rachels Dream
Friends 9x20 - The One With The Soap Opera Party
Friends 9x21 - The One With The Fertility Test
Friends 9x22 - The One With The Donor
Friends 9x23-24 - The One In Barbados 1 2)
Frisson des vampires Le
From Beijing with love
From Dusk Till Dawn
From Dusk Till Dawn 3 The Hangmans Daughter
From Hell
From Justin To Kelly (Special Edition)
Frontera La
Frusta e il corpo La
Fucking Amal
Fudoh The New Generation 1996
Fugitive The - The Chase Continues
Fugitives (2000)
Fukssvansen (Chop Chop)
Full Frontal 2002
Full Metal Jacket
Full Time Killer
Fun Movie (2002 Korean) CD1
Fun Movie (2002 Korean) CD2
Fun in Acapulco (Richard Thorpe 1963)
Funeral Parade of Roses
Funeral in Berlin
Funny Girl
Fuochi dArtifizio
Furia (2002)
Fury The (1978)
Futurama 1x01 - Space Pilot 3000
Futurama 1x02 - The Series Has Landed
Futurama 1x03 - I Roommate
Futurama 1x04 - Loves Labors Lost in Space
Futurama 1x05 - Fear of a Bot Planet
Futurama 1x06 - A Fishful of Dollars
Futurama 1x07 - My Three Suns
Futurama 1x08 - A Big Piece of Garbage
Futurama 1x09 - Hell is Other Robots
Futurama 2x01 - A Flight to Remember
Futurama 2x02 - Mars University
Futurama 2x03 - When Aliens Attack
Futurama 2x04 - Fry and the Slurm Factory
Futurama 3x01 - Amazon Women in the Mood
Futurama 3x02 - Parasites Lost
Futurama 3x03 - A Tale of Two Santas
Futurama 3x04 - The Luck of the Fryrish
Futurama 3x05 - The Birdbot of Ice-catraz
Futurama 3x06 - Bendless Love
Futurama 3x07 - The Day the Earth Stood Stupid
Futurama 3x08 - Thats Lobstertainment
Futurama 3x09 - The Cyber House Rules
Futurama 3x10 - Insane in the Mainframe
Futurama 3x10 - Where The Buggalo Roam
Futurama 3x12 - The Route of All Evil
Futurama 3x13 - Bendin in the Wind
Futurama 3x14 - Time Keeps on Slippin
Futurama 3x15 - I Dated a Robot
Futurama 3x16 - A Leela of Her Own
Futurama 3x17 - A Pharaoh To Remember
Futurama 3x18 - Anthology of Interest Part 2
Futurama 3x19 - Roswell That Ends Well
Futurama 3x20 - Godfellas
Futurama 3x21 - Future Stock
Futurama 3x22 - The 30 Iron Chef
Futurama 4x01 - Kif Gets Knocked Up a Notch
Futurama 4x02 - Leelas Homeworld
Futurama 4x03 - Love and Rocket
Futurama 4x04 - Less Than Hero
Futurama 4x05 - A Taste of Freedom
Futurama 4x06 - Bender Should Not Be Allowed on TV
Futurama 4x07 - Jurassic Bark
Futurama 4x08 - Crimes of the Hot
Futurama 4x09 - Teenage Mutant Leelas Hurdles
Futurama 4x10 - The Why of Fry
Futurama 4x11 - Where no Fan Has Gone Before
Futurama 4x12 - The Sting
Futurama 4x13 - Bend Her
Futurama 4x14 - Obsoletely Fabulous
Futurama 4x15 - The Farnsworth Parabox
Futurama 4x16 - Three Hundred Big Boys
Futurama 4x17 - Spanish Fry
Futurama 4x18 - The Devils Hands are Idle Playthings
Fyra Nyanser Av Brunt CD1
Fyra Nyanser Av Brunt CD2