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Frasier 02x18 - The Club

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We've time for one more, Roz.
We have Sid on three.
Hello, Sid. l'm listening.
(Sid) 'Hello, Dr Crane. l fear talking on the phone to people l do not know.
'l freeze up.
'lt is a severe handicap in today's fast-paced world.'
Are you reading what you're saying?
(Paper rustles)
'Yes, l am.
'The only way l can communicate is to write out everything in advance.'
What if someone asks you something you haven't anticipated?
'Thank you for your insightful comments. Goodbye.'
Wait! Sid!
Sid, your insecurity lies in your fear of making a mistake.
You have to practise. lf you work at it, you too may achieve...
the command and confidence to which we all aspire to...
be having.
This is Dr Frasier Crane wishing you good mental health.
- That was a show good. - Thank you, Roz.
- Knock, knock. - What are you doing here?
Want to go to lunch next week at the Empire Club?
- You know a member? - No. But you may.
What are you up to?
You had that same look when you found Flagstad's 1 932 ''Götterdämmerung''.
lf all goes well, my lapel will be sagging under the weight of a membership pin.
You'll fit in with those blue bloods who wouldn't even spit on the rest of us.
Don't jinx it. l'm not in yet.
There's still a party where they screen prospective members.
- How did this come about? - l thank Maris.
She spent years cultivating relationships until fortune smiled on us.
Old Judge Clements suffered a stroke and a vacancy opened up.
Gives new meaning to ''a stroke of luck''.
lt gets better. There are actually two vacancies.
Edgar van Cortland was indicted in a scandal.
Frasier, l think my time has come.
- l'm very happy for you. - That's generous of you.
Especially as you've dreamed of a membership.
A lesser man would be jealous.
- You're not? - No.
- They have a planetarium. - So?
l think my work here is done.
- So he's getting into the Empire Club? - lt appears so.
He deserves to have lunch in that private dining room,
read in that fabled mahogany library.
- lt's eating you? - Like a bacteria.
lf he gets in, l should too.
What if l know someone who could get you invited?
- Don't toy with me. - Mr Strickland, please. lt's Roz.
- Walter Strickland Junior? - Senior.
- How do you know him? - The less you know, the better.
l need more comfortable shoes.
My dogs are killing me.
- Pardon? - My ''dogs''. My feet.
- What do you call them in England? - By their rightful names.
Except Uncle Harold. He named his anatomy after the royal family.
He walked on the Queen's pins, sat on the Duchess of Kent.
A jolly fellow...
until Aunt Kate caught him introducing the Prince of Wales to a waitress.
- Are you almost finished? - Yes, l am.
You'll have the handsomest midriff.
- l hope my date concurs. - Who are you taking?
Dr Susan Anderson. She's as boring as toast but a brilliant physician
and socially well-connected.
lsn't Niles a little ticked off?
Yes, but l convinced him if we work together we'll secure both vacancies.
lt's like when you were kids. lf one has something, the other has to, too.
(Doorbell rings)
l had to buy two Balinese lutes, two découpage kits,
two pairs of lederhosen.
When you moved out, that was one embarrassing garage sale.
- Hello, Niles. - Ready?
- No. Susan's at the hospital. - Where's Maris?
ln the Mercedes practising her vivacious giggle.
Let's go over our strategy. l made a crib sheet on each member.
''School ties, business affiliations, hobbies, mistresses.''
l also researched our competition.
Don't worry. One of them flies coach.
We're as good as in. Unless...
l just had a terrifying thought.
What if another candidate researched the skeletons in our closet?
Damn it!
- That's as bad as it gets. - l wouldn't be so sure.
They wouldn't look kindly on your arrest for mooning President Nixon.
l was young and firm and in love with an anarchist.
That's minor compared to your suicide attempt.
lt was not a legitimate attempt. l did it to get Lilith's attention.
(Phone rings)
Maris and l should head over. The others will get a leg up on us.
- Good idea. See you there. - Bye, Dad.
Hello. Oh, Susan, l've been expecting you. Are you in the car?
No! You're still at the hospital? Of course l understand.
You were a sweetheart to agree to go in the first place.
l'll call you tomorrow.
Fat chance.
- Stood you up? - This is disastrous.
- Just go stag. - l'd look like l couldn't find a date.
Why are we worried? We got a Cinderella right under this roof.
That's the last time l get grout up without wearing rubber gloves.
l've so much gunk under my nails, l look like l've been worming a pig.
Trust me, the English accent will sell it.
Oh, yes. lt's everything l ever imagined it would be and more.
What's that smell, Dr Crane?
That's power.
Call me Frasier.
People mustn't know you work for me. We've dated for six months.
All right, Frasier.
Anything else, Frasier?
Are we in love or is this just a physical thing, Frasier?
Stop that.
Oh, Niles. How goes the chase?
- Evening. - What are you doing here?
Frasier takes me everywhere, don't you, sweetheart?
l'll go sample some hors d'oeuvres.
Back in a minute, darling.
- Darling? - My date cancelled.
Daphne's filling in. You think l'd go out with Daphne?
You are a man. She is a goddess,
whose bedroom is only 41 steps from your own.
Where's Maris?
Apologising to another candidate's wife.
Maris bumped a dish of crabmeat into the woman's décolletage.
- Accidents will happen. - As long as the hors d'oeuvres flow.
My God. Feel this leather.
l have had pudding stiffer than this.
Frasier, Kenneth Spencer.
l'm sure it was satisfying being Phi Beta Kappa at Yale,
but surely you would have been happier at Princeton?
Anyone who's anyone went there.
Excuse me, l'm Kenneth Spencer.
As it happens, l went to Princeton.
What are the odds?
l'm Dr Frasier Crane. My brother, Dr Niles Crane, the eminent psychiatrist.
He's too kind. He was eminent when my eminence was merely imminent.
Try this caviar, Frasier.
l met the most charming gentleman, Edgar van Cortland.
l thought he lost his membership in a scandal.
He was acquitted and reinstated into the club.
- Oh, he was innocent. - No. Just acquitted.
So there's only one membership?
Yes. But if one is selected you can bring the other as a guest.
lf only one can become a member, l hope it's you.
- That's noble. - l know what it means to him.
We can't risk another suicide attempt.
That's amusing, using humour to defuse a tense situation.
l'm sure that helped when you were in prison.
- Kenneth. - Excuse me.
Stop it! Do you intend to run each other down and ruin both your chances?
- You're right. - Thank you.
Yes. Your best 1 8-year-old Lowland single-malt Scotch.
- A discriminating choice. - He has good knowledge of spirits
from his years shacked up with a barmaid.
Mum says, ''Why can't l meet your boyfriends?''
l say, ''The plane trip takes four hours - longer than my relationships last.''
There's Niles. Don't look at him. Pretend we don't see him.
Real mature.
Thanks to him l can't say the phrase l've rehearsed for a lifetime:
''lf you need me, l'll be at my club.''
This is so boring. You owe each other an apology.
Yes, but l apologised first last time.
That means it's his turn. Goody! l can be mature about this.
- Niles. - Frasier.
After last night, an apology is in order.
l agree.
- Well what? - l apologised first last time.
- No, you didn't. - l did. After the Monet exhibit.
My secretary left a heartfelt apology with your service.
So you did. lt is my turn again.
- l'm sorry. - Me, too.
l'm a terrible person.
- We just turned on each other! - lt was embarrassing.
My only excuse is that all my life l dreamed of belonging to a club.
As a child, when l formed clubs with my bears, some didn't make it.
Hello. Yes, this is Dr Crane.
lt's the club.
l see. Thank you for considering me.
lf you'd care to speak to my brother, he's here.
Be gracious.
Yes, l see. Thank you very much for calling.
Don't let it get you down. We were fine without them before.
We're fine without them, aren't we?
Oh, my God. You got in.
l'd better go break the news to Maris.
Niles, your getting passed over drains every drop of joy from this.
Thank you. You're a good brother.
Yes! l got in!
Shout it from the rooftops! Lattes for everyone!
This is the proudest day of my life!
Of course... what really matters is family.
Come on. We've worked on this.
You can do it. Beg.
Good boy!
- What are you doing? - Teaching him a trick.
- With my imported prosciutto? - lt's worth it.
- Not unless he can sing from ''Tosca''. - Where are you going?
The Empire Club. l've come to a moral decision.
l will insist they give Niles my membership.
That's a hell of a gesture.
l put myself in Niles' place.
He's spent 1 5 years trying to climb Seattle's social ladder.
Then within two years, l'm known throughout the city
and l grab the prize he's wanted most of all.
lt just isn't fair.
- You're a good kid. - Thank you, Dad.
l'll say this while l still can...
lf anyone needs me...
...l'll be at my club.
Yes, the club. The club that l helped you get into.
Now you're done with me, l'm just cast aside.
Unappreciated, unloved and forgotten.
l see the prosciutto isn't the only imported ham in the house.
Give me your shirt. l need a full load.
- Anything white? - Yeah, but you're not getting them.
- Hello, Dr Crane. - Hello, Daphne. Dad.
Just passed Frasier. Where was he off to?
He went to the club.
No wonder he was evasive.
l hope you don't mind my stopping by. l had no place else to go.
Niles, you may get into that club yet.
- What? - He went to give his spot to you.
ls this a sick joke?
You should be happy. He's giving up his own membership.
What would l be happy about? This is humiliating.
My brother going to make them take me?
His heart's in the right place.
Dad, they made their decision. l don't want their pity.
l don't care if they invite me now, even if they BEG!
Good boy!
Excuse me, is the Club President here?
Yes, Mr Drake is over there.
Thank you.
Mr Drake?
- Dr Frasier Crane. - Yes, of course.
The new blood. Please sit down.
Sir, l've come here on a matter of personal business.
lt's about my brother Niles.
Niles is sort of...
My God. This leather's as soft as a baby's bottom.
On family night we bring babies in and do a blindfold comparison test.
That's a joke, Crane.
Yes, indeed. Darn good one too, sir.
My brother may seem priggish but he's the most discriminating man l know.
You'd be hard-pressed to find a bigger snob in this room.
Excuse me, sir, a glass of port?
- 1 896? - What are you saying, Crane?
Glad to be aboard, sir.
No, l came down here to say
that my brother deserves membership more than l do
and l want to step down in his favour.
- Are you serious? - Yes, l am.
After all, blood is thicker than port.
- l stand corrected. - Let me be candid with you, Crane.
We were quite firm about accepting anybody in the entertainment business.
Radio psychiatrist falls into that category.
Radio psychiatrist? But Niles...
- There's been a mistake. - No, there hasn't.
Dad said you'd try to get me in your club. Don't bother.
l don't need you to fight my battles.
- But... - Butt out.
You've made it clear how you feel, so l'd like to share how l feel.
l'd sooner spend time in a bus station
than spend one moment with you smug bigwigs
with your oriental carpets and overstuffed chairs...
My God, it's like a baby's bottom!
You can't reject me because l reject you.
Yes, l'm talking to you, fuzzy.
l prefer being Niles Crane, everyman.
Friend of the average Joe.
Niles, they got our names mixed up. l didn't get in. You did.
lt was you they wanted.
l'm in? Good God, don't just stand there. Fetch me some port.
Escort these gentlemen out.
You can't think l meant the things l said.
Excuse me, sir, l must ask you to leave.
You and who else?
Niles, we don't need this club.
Let us leave with dignity.
No. There's been a misunderstanding.
l could just come part time. Perhaps just one afternoon.
Thursday's a slow day.
l wouldn't talk to anyone. l could just sit in a chair.
Please! Let me stay. l belong here!
# Hey baby, l hear the blues are calling tossed salads and scrambled eggs
# Mercy!
# And maybe l seem a bit confused Well, maybe...but l got you pegged!
# But l don't know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs
# They're calling again #
Frasier has left the building.
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Friends - 4x12 - The One With the Embryos
Friends - 4x13 - The One With Rachels Crush
Friends - 4x14 - The One With Joeys Dirty Day
Friends - 4x15 - The One With All the Rugby
Friends - 4x16 - The One With the Fake Party
Friends - 4x17 - The One With the Free Porn
Friends - 4x18 - The One With Rachels New Dress
Friends - 4x19 - The One With All the Haste
Friends - 4x20 - The One With All the Wedding Dresses
Friends - 4x21 - The One With the Invitation
Friends - 4x22 - The One With the Worst Best Man Ever
Friends - 4x23 - The One With Rosss Wedding - part 1
Friends - 4x24 - The One With Rosss Wedding - part 2
Friends - 5x01 - The One After Ross Says Rachel
Friends - 5x02 - The One With All the Kissing
Friends - 5x03 - The One Hundreth
Friends - 5x04 - The One Where Phoebe Hates PBS
Friends - 5x05 - The One With the Kips
Friends - 5x06 - The One With the Yeti
Friends - 5x07 - The One Where Ross Moves In
Friends - 5x08 - The One With All the Thanksgivins
Friends - 5x09 - The One With Rosss Sandwich
Friends - 5x10 - The One With the Inappropiate Sister
Friends - 5x11 - The One With All the Resolutions
Friends - 5x12 - The One With Chandlers Work Laugh
Friends - 5x13 - The One With Joeys Bag
Friends - 5x14 - The One Where Everyone Finds Out
Friends - 5x15 - The One With the Girl Who Hits Joey
Friends - 5x16 - The One With the Cop
Friends - 5x17 - The One With Rachels
Friends - 5x18 - The One Where Rachel Smokes
Friends - 5x19 - The One Where Ross Cant Flirt
Friends - 5x20 - The One With the Ride-Along
Friends - 5x21 - The One With the Ball
Friends - 5x22 - The One With Joeys Big Break
Friends - 5x23 - The One in Vegas
Friends - 6x01 - The One After Vegas
Friends - 6x02 - The One Where Ross Hugs Rachel
Friends - 6x03 - The One With Rosss Denial
Friends - 6x04 - The One Where Joey Loses His
Friends - 6x05 - The One With Joeys Porsche
Friends - 6x06 - The One On the Last Night
Friends - 6x07 - The One Where Phoebe Runs
Friends - 6x08 - The One With Rosss Teeth
Friends - 6x15
Friends 7x01 - The One with Monicas Thunder
Friends 7x02 - The One With Rachels Book
Friends 7x03 - The One With Phoebes Cookies
Friends 7x04 - The One With Rachels Assistant
Friends 7x05 - The One With The Engagement Picture
Friends 7x06 - The One With The Nap Partners
Friends 7x07 - The One with Rosss Library Book
Friends 7x08 - The One Where Chandler Doesnt Like Dogs
Friends 7x09 - The One With All the Candy
Friends 7x10 - The One With The Holiday Armadillo
Friends 7x11 - The One With All The Cheesecakes
Friends 7x12 - The One Where They are Up All Night
Friends 7x13 - The One Where Rosita Dies
Friends 7x14 - The One Where They All Turn Thirty
Friends 7x15 - The One With Joeys New Brain
Friends 7x16 - The One With the Truth About London
Friends 7x17 - The One With the Cheap Wedding Dress
Friends 7x18 - The One With Joeys Award
Friends 7x19 - The One With Ross and Monicas Cousin
Friends 7x20 - The One With Rachels Kisses
Friends 7x21 - The One With the Vows
Friends 7x22 - The One With Chandlers Dad
Friends 7x23 - The One With Monica and Chandlers Wedding Part 1
Friends 7x24 - The One With Monica and Chandlers Wedding Part 2
Friends 9x01 - The One Where No One Proposes
Friends 9x02 - The One Where Emma Cries
Friends 9x03 - The One With The Pediatrician
Friends 9x04 - The One With The Sharks
Friends 9x05 - The One With Phoebes Birthday Dinner
Friends 9x06 - The One With The Male Nanny
Friends 9x07 - The One With Rosss Inappropriate Song
Friends 9x08 - The One With Rachels Other Sister
Friends 9x09 - The One With Rachels Phone Number
Friends 9x10 - The One With Christmas In Tulsa
Friends 9x11 - The One Where Rachel Goes Back To Work
Friends 9x12 - The One With Phoebes Rats
Friends 9x13 - The One Where Monica Sings
Friends 9x14 - The One With The Blind Dates
Friends 9x15 - The One With The Mugging
Friends 9x16 - The One With The Boob Job
Friends 9x17 - The One With The Memorial Service
Friends 9x18 - The One With The Lottery
Friends 9x19 - The One With Rachels Dream
Friends 9x20 - The One With The Soap Opera Party
Friends 9x21 - The One With The Fertility Test
Friends 9x22 - The One With The Donor
Friends 9x23-24 - The One In Barbados 1 2)
Frisson des vampires Le
From Beijing with love
From Dusk Till Dawn
From Dusk Till Dawn 3 The Hangmans Daughter
From Hell
From Justin To Kelly (Special Edition)
Frontera La
Frusta e il corpo La
Fucking Amal
Fudoh The New Generation 1996
Fugitive The - The Chase Continues
Fugitives (2000)
Fukssvansen (Chop Chop)
Full Frontal 2002
Full Metal Jacket
Full Time Killer
Fun Movie (2002 Korean) CD1
Fun Movie (2002 Korean) CD2
Fun in Acapulco (Richard Thorpe 1963)
Funeral Parade of Roses
Funeral in Berlin
Funny Girl
Fuochi dArtifizio
Furia (2002)
Fury The (1978)
Futurama 1x01 - Space Pilot 3000
Futurama 1x02 - The Series Has Landed
Futurama 1x03 - I Roommate
Futurama 1x04 - Loves Labors Lost in Space
Futurama 1x05 - Fear of a Bot Planet
Futurama 1x06 - A Fishful of Dollars
Futurama 1x07 - My Three Suns
Futurama 1x08 - A Big Piece of Garbage
Futurama 1x09 - Hell is Other Robots
Futurama 2x01 - A Flight to Remember
Futurama 2x02 - Mars University
Futurama 2x03 - When Aliens Attack
Futurama 2x04 - Fry and the Slurm Factory
Futurama 3x01 - Amazon Women in the Mood
Futurama 3x02 - Parasites Lost
Futurama 3x03 - A Tale of Two Santas
Futurama 3x04 - The Luck of the Fryrish
Futurama 3x05 - The Birdbot of Ice-catraz
Futurama 3x06 - Bendless Love
Futurama 3x07 - The Day the Earth Stood Stupid
Futurama 3x08 - Thats Lobstertainment
Futurama 3x09 - The Cyber House Rules
Futurama 3x10 - Insane in the Mainframe
Futurama 3x10 - Where The Buggalo Roam
Futurama 3x12 - The Route of All Evil
Futurama 3x13 - Bendin in the Wind
Futurama 3x14 - Time Keeps on Slippin
Futurama 3x15 - I Dated a Robot
Futurama 3x16 - A Leela of Her Own
Futurama 3x17 - A Pharaoh To Remember
Futurama 3x18 - Anthology of Interest Part 2
Futurama 3x19 - Roswell That Ends Well
Futurama 3x20 - Godfellas
Futurama 3x21 - Future Stock
Futurama 3x22 - The 30 Iron Chef
Futurama 4x01 - Kif Gets Knocked Up a Notch
Futurama 4x02 - Leelas Homeworld
Futurama 4x03 - Love and Rocket
Futurama 4x04 - Less Than Hero
Futurama 4x05 - A Taste of Freedom
Futurama 4x06 - Bender Should Not Be Allowed on TV
Futurama 4x07 - Jurassic Bark
Futurama 4x08 - Crimes of the Hot
Futurama 4x09 - Teenage Mutant Leelas Hurdles
Futurama 4x10 - The Why of Fry
Futurama 4x11 - Where no Fan Has Gone Before
Futurama 4x12 - The Sting
Futurama 4x13 - Bend Her
Futurama 4x14 - Obsoletely Fabulous
Futurama 4x15 - The Farnsworth Parabox
Futurama 4x16 - Three Hundred Big Boys
Futurama 4x17 - Spanish Fry
Futurama 4x18 - The Devils Hands are Idle Playthings
Fyra Nyanser Av Brunt CD1
Fyra Nyanser Av Brunt CD2