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Oh, hey, Joey.
Mmm. Hey.

Listen, um, I need to ask you something.

Okay, you know how my stepdad's in prison?

yeah, well, um, listen, he was supposed to get a weekend furlough so he could come to the wedding tomorrow,

but he just called and, well, apparently, stabbing "iceman"in the exercise yard just couldn't wait until Monday, so...

so, he can't come?

No.

And so there's no one to walk me down the aisle,

and, well, I would just really love it if you would do it.

Seriously?

Yeah. You've, you know, sort of been like a dad to me.

I mean, you've always, you know, looked out for me and shared your wisdom.

I am pretty wisdomis.

So, what do you say?

Are you kidding? Phoebe, I would be honored.

Oh... thank you.

Ooh...

I hope... I hope you know how much you mean to me.

Listen. I hope... I hope that you know...

I don't want you to see your father cry. Go to your room!

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10x12 The One With Phoebe's Wedding

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(club.korea.com/friends)

Oh, here.
Oh, no, no, no. Let your dad get this. Ah..

oh... it's my wedding planner. She's driving me crazy.

Hello.

Hey, okay, stop screaming.

Okay, so halibut. All right, so salmon, either way, I don't... it doesn't matter to me!

Well, it matters to me!

Well... I don't care, so you pick.

Did you just hang up on me?

All right, look.I need you at the rehearsal dinner tonight at 18:00 hours.

Uh-huh. Okay. What time is that?

You don't know military time?

I must have been in missile training the day they taught that.

Just subtract 12.

Okay, so, 1,800 minus 12 is 1,788...

Six o'clock!
Okay.

Hold on. Yeah.
Geller here.

No, I said it has to be there by 4:00. Good-bye.

God, how hard is it to make an ice sculpture?

Ice sculpture? That sounds really fancy.I told you, I just want a simple wedding.

Please. Honey,leave the details to me.

Now, I want to make this day as special for you as I can.

Now, okay, I was thinking that the harpist should wear white.

Well, harpist?
My friend Marjorie is playing the steel drums.

Oh, she backed out.

She did? Why?

I made her.

Steel drums don't really say elegant wedding,

nor does marjorie's overwhelming scent.

Hey. She will shower when tibet is free.

Hey. You look great.
Hey. You, too.

I'm so glad we're having this rehearsal dinner.You know, I so rarely get to practice my meals before I eat them.

Okay, what did we say was your one gift to us?

No stupid jokes.

But I thought that was for the actual wedding.
Rehearse it.

Hi.

Thanks for coming, you guys.
Oh, yeah. Oh.

I, uh, I was, uh, I was going for a handshake.

Is that why your hand is pressed against my crotch?

That is why.
Yeah.

Rach?
Yeah?
Where's Emma?

Oh, Monica made me send her to my mother's.Apparently, babies and weddings don't mix.

Are you still crying about your damn baby?

Phoebes... you got to keep the line moving. Remember, 20 seconds per person.

You see these clowns all the time.

Hey, you're Mike's parents, right?

Yes, we are.

Oh... our little ones are growing up fast, aren't they?

How's that?

You know, on the one hand, you're happy for them, but on the other hand, it's hard to let go.

Who in god's name are you?

Hey, I'm not that fond of you either, okay, buddy, but I'm just trying to be nice for the kids.

You know what I just realized?

We have no idea what we're doing in the wedding tomorrow.

Yeah, I thought we'd be groomsmen, but wouldn't they have asked us by now?

When did they ask you to be a bridesmaid?

Uh, November.
I want to say it's not looking good

Hey, Phoebes?
Sorry?

You haven't told these guys what they are doing in the wedding yet.

Um, well, they're not in the wedding. What?

Well... this is really awkward.

Oh, and I can leave.

I'm sorry, you guys.But, you know, Mike's got his brother and his friends from school,

so, you know, you were... if it helps, you were next in line. You just missed the cut.

Oh, man.
This is like figure skating team all over again.

I mean, synchronized swimming. I mean... I mean, the balance beam.

Help me.
Football.
Thank you.

Oh, Phoebes. Spit that out. That has pork in it.
Oh!

I thought the pot stickers were supposed to be vegetarian.

Yeah. I changed them. I sent you a fax about it.

I don't have a fax machine.

Huh. Well, then there are going to be a few surprises.

I can't believe we're going to be the only people that aren't in this wedding.

I know. I hate being left out of things. And it's a wedding. It'll be weird if I'm not in it.

Hey, guys. How's it going?

Fine. We're just sitting here, alone, doing nothing.

It's our rehearsal for tomorrow.

Yeah, look, about tomorrow, I've got a question for you.

I just found out that one of my groomsman had an emergency and can't make it.

What happened?
Who cares? And?

And I was wondering if, you know, maybe one of you guys.../I'll do it./Me, me!

You both want to do it? There's only room for one.

Pick me. I look great in a tux and I will not steal focus.

No. Mike, no, no. You want to pick me. I mean... watch.

Ah?!

You know, I really don't feel very comfortable making this decision.

You know, Phoebe knows you better.I'm going to let her choose.

Well... if Phoebe is choosing, then say hello to Mike's next groomsman.

Oh, I will. But I will need a mirror... as he is me.

Please. You're going down./You are going downer.

Is that what they say on the figure skating team?

I wouldn't know, I didn't make it.

So, you know I'm filling in for Phoebe's stepdad tomorrow, right?

Yeah, yeah. Thanks for doing that./Oh, hey, my pleasure.

So what are your intentions with my Phoebe?

I intend to marry her.

Oh... a wise acre.

So, I understand you plan to support your wife by playing the piano?

Isn't that kind of unstable?

No more so than acting./Strike two.

You're right. She probably will support me.Hey, unless we move in with you, dad.

Strike three.

You only get one more, Mike.

So, What, uh, what did you decide?

I decided to pee.

Mike didn't tell you? You have to choose one of us to be in your wedding.

One of his groomsmen fell out.

Oh, no, no. I can't choose between you two.I love you both so much.

Just not enough to put us in the original wedding party.

Oh... but I don't want to choose. It'S...

oh, okay, wait. Rach! /Yeah?

Um, listen, I have a very special bridesmaid task for you to do.

Oh! Goodie! What is it?

Well, there's a spot open for only one groomsman

and you have to choose between Ross and Chandler.

So, good luck with that.

What? What? No, no. I don't-- don't want to do that.

All right. I guess I have to find a new bridesmaid. /I'll do it!

Okay, it's 21:00 hours. Time for your toasts.

Do I have a minute to go to the bathroom?

You had a bathroom break at 20:30. Pee on your own time, Mike!

Now... in regards to the toast, okay, you want to keep them short.

Nothing kills a rehearsal dinner like long speeches.

Okay, you just get in, do your thing and get out.

Is that what you say to chandler?

It's 21:01 and I am not amused.

Okay, the bride and groom have a few words they'd like to say.

Okay. Hello, everyone. And thank you all for being here tonight.

So tomorrow's the big event.

And some of you might not know, but Mike and I didn't get off to the best start.

Um, yeah, my, um...

My friend Joey and I, decided to fix each other up with friends, so...

I-I... oh, okay. I, um...

I-I gave it a lot of thought and I fixed him up with my friend Mary Ellen,

who couldn't be here tonight because...

it's not... not important. Well, she's in rehab.

Anyway, so okay, yeah.

So, Joey said that he was fixing me up with his friend Mike,

only he didn't have a friend Mike, so he just brought, uh, my Mike. And, and...

but despite, you know, it got, it got good.

Okay, I want to take a moment to mention my mother who couldn't be here.

Oh, god.

And... and moment's over.

So, okay. Um... oh, no. Forget that. I can forget that, and, oh, this is funny...

but you need to know that to... to get that, so...

oh, well, okay, um...

I... okay... there... okay, Monica, I can't do it like this!

This is my wedding, okay? I don't want, I don't want this.

Or this. Or this. Okay?

I just wanted a simple wedding where my fiancee can go to the bathroom anytime he wants!

You know what, you're done. /What? /You're fired!

Cheers.

Hey. Happy wedding day!

Oh, happy my wedding day to you.

Okay, now, Joey, listen. This is going to be bridesmaid central, all right?

We're going to have hair and makeup going on in the bathroom

and, uh, oh, I had to move a couple things in the fridge to make room for the corsages.

Oh, man. I wouldn't have had breakfast if I k knew there was going to be corsages.

Hi. Um... about last night.

I know you're under a lot of stress, and, uh, well,

even though the things you said hurt me a little bit...

uh, my point is, uh, well, I'm willing to take my job back.

Oh, well, that's okay.

I think, I think you and I will do much better if you're just, you know, here as a bridesmaid.

Oh. Is that so? Okay.

If that's really what you want, then, here. I give you the headset.

Well, I don't really want to give you the headset.

Yeah, well, I guess if you're taking over, then you should probably return these messages.

Oh, this is a lot.
/Uh-huh. But I-I'm sure you can handle this.

I mean, I have won awards for my organizational skills, but I'm sure you'll do fine.

You've won awards?
/Mm-hmm. I printed them out on my computer.

Hey.
/Hi.
/Where's Rach?

She's in her room. Why?

Oh, I have to talk to her about this groomsman situation, okay?

I'm not gonna watch Chandler up there while I'm sitting in the seats like some chump.

My god, you're breathtaking.
/What do you want?

You haven't, by any chance, chosen a groomsman yet, have you?

Oh, Ross, come on, please. Don't make this harder than it already is.

I'm not. I'm making it easier. Pick me.

Well, Chandler said that it's really important to him, too.
/Listen, listen.

Whoever you pick is going to walk down the aisle with you.

Now, I promise, I won't say a word, but if you pick Chandler,

he's going to be whispering stupid jokes in your ear the whole time.

Oh, you are the lesser of two evils.
/Yes!

Sven, I don't understand what you're saying.

What is wrong with the flowers? Lorkins? What the hell are lorkins?

I know.

Hey.

Listen, Mike, if you were swedish and you were saying the word "lorkins,"

what flower would that be?

Orchids?
/Right there. That's why I'm marrying you.

Hello, Michael.
/Joseph.

May I have a word with you, please?

This is... is great.
/Have a seat.

Last night... I tried to welcome you into my family.

Instead you disrespect me. I cannot allow this.

Are you rehearsing for some really bad mafia movie?

More backtalk.

And yes, I may be borrowing a few lines from my recent

unsuccessful audition for family honor 2: This-a time, it's-a personal.

Joey, I kind of have a lot to do today. What do you, what do you want?

I want you to take this seriously.

Phoebe is very, very important to me, okay?

And I want to make sure that you are going to take care of her.

Well... Joe, I love Phoebe.

She's the single most important thing in my life.

I'd die before I'd let anything happen to her.

That's what I wanted to hear, because she's family, okay?

And now you're gonna be family,

and there's nothing more important in the whole world than family.

That must have been one lousy movie.

That was me!

Hi.

Hey. Can I talk to you about this groomsman thing?

If you pick Ross, you know, he'll walk you down the aisle just fine,

but if you choose me, you'll be getting some comedy.

Even so...

I think I'm going to pick Ross.

Let me tell you why you need to pick me.

Okay.

see, when I was a kid, you know, I was always left out of everything,

you know, and it really made me feel... insecure, you know.

I was always picked last in gym,

even behind that big, fat exchange student who didn't even know the rules to baseball.

I mean, this guy would strike out and then run to third.

Anyway, if I'm the only one left out of this wedding,

I just know that all those feelings are going to come rushing back.

All right, fine, I pick you.
/Y-y-yes!

Make groom for Chandler.

Oh, my.

No, we're gonna do it my way.

Because your way is stupid.

All right, I gotta go. I have another call, Reverend.

Hello.

I'm glad we had this little talk.

Yes. Yeah, and thanks for all the wedding night advice.

That didn't make me uncomfortable at all.

All right, and so I-I'll see everybody tonight.

Okay.
/Bye.

Uh, did you guys know that there's a giant ice sculpture in the hall?

Oh, my god, what's it doing here?

I guess it got sent to the billing address as opposed to the shipping address.

Oh! What a pickle.

My god. Everything's such a mess.Why is this happening to me?!

How bad do you want to stick your tongue on that?

How's it going?
/Good.

I'm just getting some coffee so I'm alert for the wedding.

That's what I was doing, too.

Well, uh... you have fun tonight.
/You, too.
/Oh, I will.

Me, too.

Wait a minute. I know why I'm being such an ass. Why are you?

I'm not supposed to tell you.

I'm not supposed to tell YOU.

You told us both we could be in the wedding?

Well... in my defense... you weren't supposed to tell each other.

Rachel, only one of us can do it. You have to choose.

You and me together again.

Rach, Rach, knock-knock.
/Who's there?

I'll tell you at the wedding.

Hey, I forgot my scarf.

You know what? I can't do this. I don't know which one of you guys to pick.

Oh, you haven't picked yet?

Oh, good, 'cause I had, I had an idea.

I thought it would be fun if a third groomsman was my family dog, Chappy.

What? A dog? No. Rachel gets to choose.

Wow, this is a tough one.

I think I'm gonna have to go with the dog.

All right, wait, wait. So, what, what you're saying is that-that the chef is at the hamilton club, but the food is not,

and the drinks are there, but the bartender is not? Are-are-are you freaking kidding me?!

How's it going?

Help me.
/What?

I want you to be crazy bitch again.

Really?
/Please.

You really want me to come back?

More than I want to get married.

Okay, people, we are back in business!

Oh, god, I have missed you so much.

Okay. Go get your hair and makeup done and I'll take care of everything.

Hey, what are you guys gonna do?

About what?

The blizzard. I just saw on the news.

It's like the worst snowstorm in 20 years. They already closed all the bridges and tunnels.

What? But... but the band and the photographer are coming all the way in from new Jersey.

I don't think they are.

Ha-ha. Looks like you're not going to be in the wedding either.

So sorry, Pheebs.

Well, the club lost its power.

Yeah, according to the news, most of the city did.

Since when do you watch the news?

Uh, for your information, since they hired a very hot weather girl.

I can't believe you guys aren't going to be able to get married today.

I know.
/Well, you know, it's so beautiful out there.

You always wanted to get married outside.Why don't you guys just do it on the street?

What?
/Well, look, it's hardly snowing anymore.

I mean, you couldn't ask for a more romantic setting.

This could be the simple wedding you've always wanted.

What do you think?

I think I want to get married to you today.

Me, too. Monica, do you think we could do it?

Affirmative.

Okay, let's get these chairs out here.

Gunther, hit the christmas lights.

Ah...

okay, who left the ice sculpture on the steam grate?!

Michael.

Hey, you made it. Great. Chappy!

There you go.

Hi. Hi.

Mom, I know getting married in the street isn't something you approve of...

No, it's lovely. The lights and the snow... I could look at them forever.

I crushed a pill and put it in her drink.

Come on, sweetheart.

You know, Chappy's too small to handle all this snow.

Someone's going to have to walk him down the aisle.

So, technically, would this person be in the wedding?

I guess.
/I'll do it.

Wait, no, but, Chandler, hello?

I mean, aren't you, aren't you scared of dogs?

I'm not scared.

I'll just take little Chappy and... he can sense my fear! My throat is exposed!

Well, I guess I'm in the wedding, then. Ha, ha! He stinks.

Level one alert! I repeat, level one! This is not a drill. Okay, we've got a situation.

The minister just called. He's snowed in, he can't make it.

Oh, no.
/Oh, hey, don't worry.

I'm still ordained from your wedding.

Really?
/Yeah.

You think I'd give up being a minister and start paying to ride the subway?

Uh, ministers don't ride the subway for free.

I had to read the bible pretty carefully, but, yeah, we do.

Okay, if Joey does the ceremony, then we have to find someone else to walk Phoebe down the aisle.

I'll do it!
/ha, ha!

Okay, Mike and Joey, get in position.

Chandler, come with me.

Okay, Joey's doing the ceremony, and Chandler's giving you away.

Oh, okay. Hi, new dad.

So, you ready to do this?

Uh-huh, uh-huh. Oh, my god. This is really happening.

Mm-hmm. Oh, Phoebe, I'm so happy for you, honey.

Oh, thank you.

I love you.
/Oh...

wait, wait, wait, wait, no, no hugs. The dresses.

Oh, what the hell.
/Oh, come on.

I love you guys.
/Love you.
/Love you.

Okay, it's zero hour.

All teams execute on my count.

Let's get this bad boy on the road.

Is it okay that I want you to wear that headset in bed tonight?

Uh, I have you scheduled for nudity at 23:00 hours.

Oh, yeah.

Okay, Marjorie, hit it.

Geez, Ross, you could have showered.
/It's the dog.

Groomsmen, why are you just standing there? Where is your bridesmaid?

We've got a broken arrow. Bridesmaid down.

Oh, it's me.

Ready?
/Okay.
/Okay.

Wait. Oh, no. Wait.

Wow.

But aren't you going to be cold?
/I don't care.

I'll-I'll-I'll be my "something blue."

You look beautiful.
/Thank you.

Oh, my god. Aren't you freezing?
/Nah-ah.

Friends, family, dog,

thank you all for you being here to witness this blessed event.

The cold has now spread to my special place.

So I'm gonna do the short version of this.

Phoebe and Mike are perfect for each other. And I know I speak for everyone here

when I wish in my lifetime of happiness.

Who has the rings?

Okay.

When I was growing up, I didn't have normal mom and dad,

or regular family like everybody else.

and I always knew that someing was missing

Now I'm standing here today

knowing that I have everything I'm ever going to need. You are my family.

Phoebe you are so beautiful.

You are so kind, you are so generous.

You are so wonderfuly weird.

Everyday with you is an adventure.

I can't believe how lucky I am.

I can't wait to share my life with you forever.

Oh, wait I forgot. "and I love you" "and you have nice eyes".

I love you, too.

Uh, Joey, Chappy's heart rate has slowed way down.

Okay, Phoebe, do you take this man to be your husband?
/I do.

Mike, do you take this woman to be your wife?
/I do.

I now pronounce you "husband and wife".

I got married.

Could someone get me a coat? I'm freaking freezing.

It really was a incredible wedding.

It was. I kind of don't want it to end.

Hey you want to come in for a drink by the corsage?

I'd love to, but it's 23:00 hours and I have the most organized sex anyone's ever had.

Nice. Hey whatever happend to Ross?

I don't know. Maybe he hooked up with the hot girl he was talking to.

Come on, Chappy. Do your business. Make! Make!

I did not sign on for this.