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Friends 9x04 - The One With The Sharks

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Hey, Ross.
I'm so glad someone's here.|Could you zip me up?
- Sure.|- Thank you.
Can you believe no one|between my apartment and here...
...offered to do that for me?
So why are you so dressed up?
Mike's picking me up for a date.
How's that going?|Is it getting serious?
I don't know. I don't know.|I mean, I like him.
But am I ready to take|my Grade A loins off the meat market?
I'm not quite sure.
You know, I really admire|your whole dating attitude.
It's so healthy. I'm always like,|"Is this moving too fast?
Is this moving too slow?|Where's this going?"
I know.|You are a bit of a drama queen.
You're so much better off. You just|go from guy to guy having fun...
...and not worrying that it|never turns into anything serious.
I wouldn't say "never."
You know, there is that guy.
Okay, well, what about...?
Okay, there's gotta be someone.
- There isn't! That's what I'm saying.|- Oh, my God, you're right!
I know. And yet, here you are,|all ready for the next date.
I can't believe I never|realized this before.
I'm in my 30s, and I've never been|in a long-term relationship.
Oh, my God, what's wrong with me?
There's nothing wrong with you.
I mean, you don't strike me as the type|of person that wants to get married.
I want to get married!
No, please...|Please don't cry because of me.
I don't know what I'm talking about,|okay? I've been divorced three times.
At least you've been married.
Oh, my God!|I want to trade lives with Ross?!
- What's wrong?|- Nothing. I'm excited about our date.
Mike, this is Ross Geller.|Ross, this is Mike...
- Sorry, I didn't catch that.|- Mike Hanigan.
- Ross Geller.|- Hey.
So are you sure you're ready to go?
How do I look?
- Do you have a compact in your purse?|- No.
You look great.
The One with the Sharks
Ripped by|
Subtitles processed by|Subtitle Editor (c) Digital Higherground - Igor Janevski, 2004
- Hey, Joey.|- This girl won't turn around.
I can't tell if she's hot or not.|What do you think?
Joey, I am not going|to objectify women with you.
But if her face is|as nice as her ass...
- Mama!|- All right. Thanks.
- Have you talked to Chandler?|- He has to stay in Tulsa this weekend.
- How come?|- I don't know. He has to work.
There's some big rush on the...
Damn it. I'm gonna have to start|listening when he talks about his job.
Why don't you fly out there|and surprise him?
Maybe I will go.
We'll have a little second honeymoon|at the Tulsa Ramada.
You should bring your black see-through|teddy with the attached garters.
- How do you know I have one of those?|- Didn't until just now.
Hot. Not hot.
Excuse me?
I said that I think you're hot.
And... now I'm embarrassed.
I thought you said "hi."
That would've been better.
I'll try that. Hi, I'm Joey.
I'm Hayley.
Look, I don't normally ask out women|that I meet in coffeehouses.
- But...|- I would love to go out with you.
Really? Great.
Did l...?|Did I actually ask you?
That's just where you were going.|I figured I'd help you out.
You don't seem like the kind of guy|who does this a lot?
You should see someone|about that cold.
If it gets much worse, you could die.
- So how'd the date go?|- Well, it was awful.
Every time I thought about|what you said, I cried.
- So he hasn't called?|- Would you call this girl:
"Thanks for... a lovely... evening"?
Now I feel terrible.|This is all my fault.
You know what you should|feel terrible about?
This could have been my serious guy.
He was sweet and smart and funny.
You know how hard it is|to meet a guy like that?
We are a rare breed.
What a great dinner.
Thanks again for letting me have that|last piece of cake at the restaurant.
You're welcome again.|I'm gonna go make some coffee.
- Can I get you anything?|- Do you have any cake?
{y:i}So this is going pretty good.
{y:i}Dinner was nice.|{y:i}We've got a lot in common.
{y:i}Victoria 's Secret.
{y:i}We even like the same books.
{y:i}There's a scary painting.
{y:i}Wait a minute.
{y:i}I think I've been scared|{y:i}by that painting before.
{y:i}You know what?|{y:i}This whole place looks familiar.
{y:i}I have definitely been|{y:i}in this apartment.
{y:i}I know I've seen|{y:i}this weird plant before.
{y:i}It did that the last time!
"Oh", "my God."|{y:i}I've gone out with this girl before.
{y:i}Yeah! We had sex on this couch!
"And then on that chair", "and..."|{y:i}No.
"No", "we didn 't do it here..."
"... which is weird", "because it seems"|{y:i}like a perfectly good place.
That's why.
Hey, Mike. Sorry to just drop by|like this. Can I come in?
Who are you?
I'm Ross. Phoebe's friend|from the coffeehouse?
I really, really need to talk|to you about something.
You're not gonna try|and get me to join a cult, are you?
No, it's just, you know,|you have that look.
Damn Supercuts!
- Well, what's up? Is Phoebe okay?|- Oh, yeah, yeah.
Phoebe is great. But...
I'm an idiot, okay?
Right before you guys went out,|I accidentally got her all upset.
That's why she was weird.
Yes. I said something stupid about her|never having had a serious relationship.
But you should know, she is|so much fun. A wonderful person.
- Please, don't blow her off.|- I'm not gonna blow her off.
I just spoke to her.|We're going out tomorrow night.
I mean, I hope that's okay with you,|stranger from the coffeehouse.
Well, then, I didn't need|to bother you.
You or the four other|Mike Hanigans I bothered.
Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.|Is that true what you said?
Phoebe's never had|a serious relationship?
Of course she has.
If she's never had|a serious relationship... you think I'd go|around broadcasting it... some kind|of unstoppable moron?
- But you did say it.|- Yes. Yes, I did.
And I will also say...
...what I'm about to say...
...the following.
Phoebe has never had|a serious relationship...
...her super-serious relationship...
- Vikram?|- What? That's a real name.
Stop it!
Why couldn't they have|sent me to Texas?
Seven o'clock.
Maybe I'll hit the gym.
Who am I kidding?|Pay-per-view porn.
- Do not disturb! Do not disturb!|- Surprise!
- Monica?|- Is everything all right?
Yeah, everything's great.|I was just...
...watching some|regular television there.
What a pleasant surprise.
- I'm gonna go freshen up, okay?|- Okay, honey.
That was close.
- Hello.|"- Hey", "Rach", "it's me."
Okay, I just got to Chandler's room,|and I caught him...
...molesting himself.
That couldn't have been pretty.
But you know, guys do that.
Well, the weird part is...
...he was getting off...|to a shark-attack show!
- No!|- Yes! Chandler watches shark porn!
- While watching sharks?|- Yeah.
Are you sure that's what|he was doing?
You know how many times|I've seen him jump up like that?
Believe me, I know what he was doing.
Man! Sharks!
I always knew there was something|weird about that dude.
You promised to love him|no matter what.
"What" means, like, if he|gets a disease or kills someone.
Not if he gets his jollies to "Jaws."
You know what, honey?|Guys are just different.
They like things|that we can't understand.
I once dated this guy|who wanted to pretend...
...that he was an archeologist,|and I was this...
...naughty cavewoman|who he unfroze from a block of ice.
Are you talking about my brother?
I didn't disguise that very well, did I?
- Hey.|- Hi.
I went out with this girl last night.|Halfway through our date I realized...
...I already slept with her.
You've slept with all the women in N.Y.,|and now you're going around again?
That's not even the weird part.
- She didn't remember sleeping with me!|- You don't remember sleeping with her.
But she should remember sleeping|with me. I am very memorable!
- You guys know.|- How do we know?
- We've never slept with you.|- And whose fault is that?
What's the big deal?|You forgot, she forgot.
- Maybe you were having an off night.|- Hey!
I never have an off night. Okay?
Although, sometimes if I'm|a little bloated, I don't feel that sexy.
But even then, I'm better than most!
Honey, why don't you just let it go|and ask her out again?
You're both so slutty, you don't|remember who you slept with.
You're made for each other.
Well, I'll go out with her again|and I'll try to get past it.
No salt! Bloaty!
- Joey?|- What?
You don't think|sharks are sexy, do you?
Wait a minute.|Wait, what was the Little Mermaid?
It's open!
- Hey.|- Mike called! We're going out again!
Quick thing.|I went to talk to Mike.
What did you...?|What did you do, Ross?
Oh, boy. You got mad at that part.
I went over there, you know,|to tell him how...
How great you are. But...
Well, you know me.|Blah-blah-blah.
- And I ended up telling him that...|- What?
You had a six-year-long relationship...
...with a guy named Vikram.
What? Why?
Well, he seemed... bum hard when I told him you'd|never been in a serious relationship.
If you hadn't just had a baby|with my best friend...
...I swear to Lucifer...
...a rabid dog would be feasting|on your danglers right now!
I think you'll feel differently|when you know...
...a little bit about Vikram.
Okay, he's a...
He's a kite designer.
And he used to date Oprah.
I'm not going along|with some lie you made up, Ross.
- I'm just gonna be honest with him.|- Good.
Just be honest with him.
- I have nothing to be ashamed of.|- No.
So I haven't been in a relationship|that lasted longer than a month.
Okay? I haven't had a real boyfriend.
If he can't handle it,|then he can leave. Which he will.
And, you know, that's okay.|So I'll just be alone forever.
You know, all right.|It'll be fine. It'll be fine.
I'll go on walking tours|with widows and lesbians.
- I'll get it.|- Okay.
I'm trying to remember the last time|I opened a door and you weren't there.
Phoebe, are you okay?
Yeah. There's just...
There's something you should know.
Vikram just called.
So it was really a shock|after 25 years of marriage... parents getting divorced.|I took it the hardest...
...because I was the youngest.|- Sure. Yeah.
How can you not remember me?
How could you not remember|that we slept together?
- What? When?|- I don't know!
I really, really think|I would remember sleeping with you.
Come on, come on.|Search your brain, all right? It was...
...a certain amount of time ago.|I was here. You were here.
We had sex here, here, here...
Not there.
- Anything?|- No, it's not ringing any bells.
My God, woman!
How many people have you been with|not to remember this?
Hey, Hayley.|We really gotta fix that doorknob.
I slept with you!
And you obviously remember me!|Hey, I still got it!
So we're good.
I'll let myself out.
And I said, "Okay, Vikram... can't just call|every time you get lonely.
You gave up that right|when you slept with Rachel."
Rachel? I thought she just|had a baby with Ross.
Yeah, well...
But Emma's birth certificate|might say "Geller"...
...but her eyes say "Mukherjee."
That is so wrong.|And on top of that, he's a glue sniffer?
I know. But he calls,|and my heart goes to him.
You know, that bastard is one|smooth-talking freelance kite designer.
I think there's somebody|better out there for you.
I mean, you know, I'm...|I'm not saying me, but...
Maybe... me.
And you don't have to worry about|glue-sniffing with me.
Although, I do smell|the occasional Magic Marker.
Yeah. Anyway, I just...
I think I can make you happy.
- Okay, I can't do this.|- What's wrong?
Well, there is no Vikram.|Ross made him up.
Because I...
I really never have been|in a long-term relationship.
I've never lived with a guy. I've never|even celebrated an anniversary.
If that's too weird for you...
...and you want to leave,|I understand.
In fact, I'll close my eyes|to make it less awkward.
You kissed me.
- You don't think I'm a total freak?|- No.
Look, can I...?
Can I think you're a little weird|and also cool...
...for telling me the truth|and also want to kiss you?
I guess so.
Can I think it's cool|that you kissed me...
...and also want to kiss you again?
And be a little concerned|about the Magic Markers?
{y:i}This is Vikram.
Hi, honey, I'm home.
- How was your flight?|- It was great.
Why don't you sit down.
Get yourself comfortable.
Because I have a little...
...surprise for you.
Well, well, well.|It must be 5:00 in Tulsa...
...because it's "sex o'clock" in N.Y.C.!
Okay.|This is how much I love you.
{y:i}The great white...
Why am I watching|a bunch of sharks swimming around?
Is this...?|Is this not the good part?
Do you want me to fast-forward|to something... toothier?
No, I'm just not sure that you|got the right movie, that's all.
This is the only one|they had at our video store.
Though they did have something|called "Crocodile Killers."
Or does it always have to be sharks?
Does what always have to be sharks?
Look, we can do something else.
Do you want me to|get into the tub and... thrash?
- What's going on?|- It's okay. It's okay.
I still love you.
- Let me be a part of this.|- Let me be a part of this!
I saw what you were doing in Tulsa.
Angry sharks turn you on!
No, they don't.
Then why were you watching them|and giving yourself a treat?
Oh, my God! When you came in,|I switched the channel.
I was just watching regular porn.
Yes. Just some good, old-fashioned,|American, girl-on-girl action.
Can I tell you how happy|that makes me?
You are an amazing wife.
Really, you are amazing. You were|actually gonna do this for me?
Where do you find the strength|and the understanding for that?
I'm very, very drunk right now.
Ordinarily, I would talk to her,|but my confidence is shaken.
Did I sleep with her?|Did I not sleep with her?
Maybe this is a wake-up call. You know,|about your whole dating attitude.
You're in your 30s and you have|never been in a long-term relationship.
Here you go from woman to woman...
...meaningless experience|to meaningless experience.
Never even worrying that it doesn't|turn into something more serious.
You're right. I love my life!
I actually did sleep with her.
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Friends - 10x09 - TOW the birth mother
Friends - 10x10 - TOW Chandler Gets Caught
Friends - 10x11 - TOW The Stripper Cries
Friends - 10x12 - TOW Phoebes Wedding
Friends - 10x13 - TOW Joey Speaks French
Friends - 10x14 - TOW Princess Consuela
Friends - 3 22 - The One With the Screamer
Friends - 3x01 - The One With the Princess Leia Fantasy
Friends - 3x02 - The One Where No Ones Ready
Friends - 3x03 - The One With the Jam
Friends - 3x04 - The One With the Metaphorical Tunnel
Friends - 3x05 - The One With Frank Jr
Friends - 3x06 - The One With the Flashback
Friends - 3x07 - The One With the Race Car Bed
Friends - 3x08 - The One With the Giant Poking Device
Friends - 3x09 - The One With the Football
Friends - 3x10 - The One Where Rachel Quits
Friends - 3x11 - The One Where Chandler Cant Remember
Friends - 3x12 - The One With All the Jealousy
Friends - 3x13 - The One Where Monica and Richard
Friends - 3x14 - The One With Phoebes Ex-Partner
Friends - 3x15 - The One Where Ross and Rachel Take
Friends - 3x16 - The One the Morning After
Friends - 3x17 - The One Without the Ski Trip
Friends - 3x18 - The One With the Hypnosis Tape
Friends - 3x19 - The One With the Tiny T-Shirt
Friends - 3x20 - The One With the Dollhouse
Friends - 3x21 - The One With a Chick and a Duck
Friends - 3x22 - The One With the Screamer
Friends - 3x23 - The One With Rosss Thing
Friends - 3x24 - The One With Ultimate Fighting Champ
Friends - 3x25 - The One at the Beach
Friends - 4x01 - The One With the Jellyfish
Friends - 4x02 - The One With the Cat
Friends - 4x03 - The One With the Cuffs
Friends - 4x04 - The One With the Ballroom Dancing
Friends - 4x05 - The One With Joeys New Girlfriend
Friends - 4x06 - The One With the Dirty Girl
Friends - 4x07 - The One Where Chandler Crosses
Friends - 4x08 - The One With Chandler in a Box
Friends - 4x09 - The One Where They are Going
Friends - 4x10 - The One With the Girl from
Friends - 4x11 - The One With Phoebes Uterus
Friends - 4x12 - The One With the Embryos
Friends - 4x13 - The One With Rachels Crush
Friends - 4x14 - The One With Joeys Dirty Day
Friends - 4x15 - The One With All the Rugby
Friends - 4x16 - The One With the Fake Party
Friends - 4x17 - The One With the Free Porn
Friends - 4x18 - The One With Rachels New Dress
Friends - 4x19 - The One With All the Haste
Friends - 4x20 - The One With All the Wedding Dresses
Friends - 4x21 - The One With the Invitation
Friends - 4x22 - The One With the Worst Best Man Ever
Friends - 4x23 - The One With Rosss Wedding - part 1
Friends - 4x24 - The One With Rosss Wedding - part 2
Friends - 5x01 - The One After Ross Says Rachel
Friends - 5x02 - The One With All the Kissing
Friends - 5x03 - The One Hundreth
Friends - 5x04 - The One Where Phoebe Hates PBS
Friends - 5x05 - The One With the Kips
Friends - 5x06 - The One With the Yeti
Friends - 5x07 - The One Where Ross Moves In
Friends - 5x08 - The One With All the Thanksgivins
Friends - 5x09 - The One With Rosss Sandwich
Friends - 5x10 - The One With the Inappropiate Sister
Friends - 5x11 - The One With All the Resolutions
Friends - 5x12 - The One With Chandlers Work Laugh
Friends - 5x13 - The One With Joeys Bag
Friends - 5x14 - The One Where Everyone Finds Out
Friends - 5x15 - The One With the Girl Who Hits Joey
Friends - 5x16 - The One With the Cop
Friends - 5x17 - The One With Rachels
Friends - 5x18 - The One Where Rachel Smokes
Friends - 5x19 - The One Where Ross Cant Flirt
Friends - 5x20 - The One With the Ride-Along
Friends - 5x21 - The One With the Ball
Friends - 5x22 - The One With Joeys Big Break
Friends - 5x23 - The One in Vegas
Friends - 6x01 - The One After Vegas
Friends - 6x02 - The One Where Ross Hugs Rachel
Friends - 6x03 - The One With Rosss Denial
Friends - 6x04 - The One Where Joey Loses His
Friends - 6x05 - The One With Joeys Porsche
Friends - 6x06 - The One On the Last Night
Friends - 6x07 - The One Where Phoebe Runs
Friends - 6x08 - The One With Rosss Teeth
Friends - 6x15
Friends 7x01 - The One with Monicas Thunder
Friends 7x02 - The One With Rachels Book
Friends 7x03 - The One With Phoebes Cookies
Friends 7x04 - The One With Rachels Assistant
Friends 7x05 - The One With The Engagement Picture
Friends 7x06 - The One With The Nap Partners
Friends 7x07 - The One with Rosss Library Book
Friends 7x08 - The One Where Chandler Doesnt Like Dogs
Friends 7x09 - The One With All the Candy
Friends 7x10 - The One With The Holiday Armadillo
Friends 7x11 - The One With All The Cheesecakes
Friends 7x12 - The One Where They are Up All Night
Friends 7x13 - The One Where Rosita Dies
Friends 7x14 - The One Where They All Turn Thirty
Friends 7x15 - The One With Joeys New Brain
Friends 7x16 - The One With the Truth About London
Friends 7x17 - The One With the Cheap Wedding Dress
Friends 7x18 - The One With Joeys Award
Friends 7x19 - The One With Ross and Monicas Cousin
Friends 7x20 - The One With Rachels Kisses
Friends 7x21 - The One With the Vows
Friends 7x22 - The One With Chandlers Dad
Friends 7x23 - The One With Monica and Chandlers Wedding Part 1
Friends 7x24 - The One With Monica and Chandlers Wedding Part 2
Friends 9x01 - The One Where No One Proposes
Friends 9x02 - The One Where Emma Cries
Friends 9x03 - The One With The Pediatrician
Friends 9x04 - The One With The Sharks
Friends 9x05 - The One With Phoebes Birthday Dinner
Friends 9x06 - The One With The Male Nanny
Friends 9x07 - The One With Rosss Inappropriate Song
Friends 9x08 - The One With Rachels Other Sister
Friends 9x09 - The One With Rachels Phone Number
Friends 9x10 - The One With Christmas In Tulsa
Friends 9x11 - The One Where Rachel Goes Back To Work
Friends 9x12 - The One With Phoebes Rats
Friends 9x13 - The One Where Monica Sings
Friends 9x14 - The One With The Blind Dates
Friends 9x15 - The One With The Mugging
Friends 9x16 - The One With The Boob Job
Friends 9x17 - The One With The Memorial Service
Friends 9x18 - The One With The Lottery
Friends 9x19 - The One With Rachels Dream
Friends 9x20 - The One With The Soap Opera Party
Friends 9x21 - The One With The Fertility Test
Friends 9x22 - The One With The Donor
Friends 9x23-24 - The One In Barbados 1 2)
Frisson des vampires Le
From Beijing with love
From Dusk Till Dawn
From Dusk Till Dawn 3 The Hangmans Daughter
From Hell
From Justin To Kelly (Special Edition)
Frontera La
Frusta e il corpo La
Fucking Amal
Fudoh The New Generation 1996
Fugitive The - The Chase Continues
Fugitives (2000)
Fukssvansen (Chop Chop)
Full Frontal 2002
Full Metal Jacket
Full Time Killer
Fun Movie (2002 Korean) CD1
Fun Movie (2002 Korean) CD2
Fun in Acapulco (Richard Thorpe 1963)
Funeral Parade of Roses
Funeral in Berlin
Funny Girl
Fuochi dArtifizio
Furia (2002)
Fury The (1978)
Futurama 1x01 - Space Pilot 3000
Futurama 1x02 - The Series Has Landed
Futurama 1x03 - I Roommate
Futurama 1x04 - Loves Labors Lost in Space
Futurama 1x05 - Fear of a Bot Planet
Futurama 1x06 - A Fishful of Dollars
Futurama 1x07 - My Three Suns
Futurama 1x08 - A Big Piece of Garbage
Futurama 1x09 - Hell is Other Robots
Futurama 2x01 - A Flight to Remember
Futurama 2x02 - Mars University
Futurama 2x03 - When Aliens Attack
Futurama 2x04 - Fry and the Slurm Factory
Futurama 3x01 - Amazon Women in the Mood
Futurama 3x02 - Parasites Lost
Futurama 3x03 - A Tale of Two Santas
Futurama 3x04 - The Luck of the Fryrish
Futurama 3x05 - The Birdbot of Ice-catraz
Futurama 3x06 - Bendless Love
Futurama 3x07 - The Day the Earth Stood Stupid
Futurama 3x08 - Thats Lobstertainment
Futurama 3x09 - The Cyber House Rules
Futurama 3x10 - Insane in the Mainframe
Futurama 3x10 - Where The Buggalo Roam
Futurama 3x12 - The Route of All Evil
Futurama 3x13 - Bendin in the Wind
Futurama 3x14 - Time Keeps on Slippin
Futurama 3x15 - I Dated a Robot
Futurama 3x16 - A Leela of Her Own
Futurama 3x17 - A Pharaoh To Remember
Futurama 3x18 - Anthology of Interest Part 2
Futurama 3x19 - Roswell That Ends Well
Futurama 3x20 - Godfellas
Futurama 3x21 - Future Stock
Futurama 3x22 - The 30 Iron Chef
Futurama 4x01 - Kif Gets Knocked Up a Notch
Futurama 4x02 - Leelas Homeworld
Futurama 4x03 - Love and Rocket
Futurama 4x04 - Less Than Hero
Futurama 4x05 - A Taste of Freedom
Futurama 4x06 - Bender Should Not Be Allowed on TV
Futurama 4x07 - Jurassic Bark
Futurama 4x08 - Crimes of the Hot
Futurama 4x09 - Teenage Mutant Leelas Hurdles
Futurama 4x10 - The Why of Fry
Futurama 4x11 - Where no Fan Has Gone Before
Futurama 4x12 - The Sting
Futurama 4x13 - Bend Her
Futurama 4x14 - Obsoletely Fabulous
Futurama 4x15 - The Farnsworth Parabox
Futurama 4x16 - Three Hundred Big Boys
Futurama 4x17 - Spanish Fry
Futurama 4x18 - The Devils Hands are Idle Playthings
Fyra Nyanser Av Brunt CD1
Fyra Nyanser Av Brunt CD2