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Friends 9x07 - The One With Rosss Inappropriate Song

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And that's why,|no matter what Mommy says...
...we really were on a break.|Yes, we were.
Yes, we were.|Come here, gorgeous.
Look at you.|You are the cutest little baby ever.
You're just a little-bitty baby,|you know that? But you've got...
You've got big, beautiful eyes.
Yes, you do. And a...|And a big, round belly.
Big baby butt.
I like big butts.
Oh, my God, Emma.|You're laughing.
Oh, my God. You've never|done that before, have you?
You've never done that before.|Daddy made you laugh, huh?
Well, Daddy and Sir Mix-A-Lot.
What? What?|You wanna hear some more?
I'm a terrible father.
The One With Ross' Inappropriate Song
Ripped by|
Subtitles processed by|Subtitle Editor (c) Digital Higherground - Igor Janevski, 2004
- What do you know about investments?|- How come?
I'm starting to make good money on the|show, and I should do something with it.
- What do you do with your money now?|- It's taped to the back of my toilet tank.
I didn't say that.|It's in a bank guarded by robots.
- Do you have any ideas?|- A guy at work got me excited...
...about going in on an emu farm.|That'd be kind of cool, huh?
Pitching in on the weekends,|helping to plant the emus.
Joe, emus are birds.|You raise them for meat.
Yeah. Right!
People eat birds. Bird meat.
Do they just fly into your mouth?|Or you go in a restaurant and say:
"Excuse me, I'll have|a bucket of fried bird."
Or maybe just a wing. Or a...
You should consider something|a little less risky.
I think real estate is|your best investment.
The Fed just lowered the rates, and the|interest on your mortgage is deductible.
That's right. I know some stuff.
Real estate, huh?
And you know who's selling|a great apartment? Richard!
And you know whose knowledge of|her ex-boyfriend is shocking? Monica!
- My dad told me. They play golf together.|- Well, maybe I'll join them sometime.
I just hope the club doesn't|slip out of my hand...
...and beat the mustache|off his face.
Hi! You have to help me pick a dress.|I'm meeting Mike's parents tonight.
Wow, the boyfriend's parents.|That's a big step.
- Really? That hadn't occurred to me.|- They'll love you. Just be yourself.
They live on the Upper East Side|on Park Avenue.
Yeah, she can't be herself.
Okay, so, all right, which dress?
- You can say neither.|- Oh, God. Neither.
I'm sorry. We'll take you shopping.|It'll be fine.
You are in such good hands,|and I am so good with meeting parents.
With the father, you wanna flirt a little,|but not in a gross way.
Just kind of like, "Mr. Pinzer, I can|see where Wallace gets his good looks."
- You went out with Wallace Pinzer?|- He took the SATs for me.
- I knew you didn't get a 1400!|- Yeah, well, duh! I mean...
So now, what about with Mike's mom?
Well, with the mother, just constantly|tell her how amazing her son is.
Take it from me. Moms love me.|Ross' mom one time actually said...
...I am like the daughter|that she never had.
- She said what?|- She's like the daughter she never had.
I just got Phoebe all dressed|to meet Mike's parents.
She's so nervous. It's so sweet.
Guess what. I made Emma laugh today.
You what? And I missed it...
...because I was giving a makeover|to that stupid hippie?!
Yeah, and it was like|a real little person laugh too.
It was like:
Only not creepy.
- What did you do to make her laugh?|- I...
Well, I sang. Actually...
...I rapped...
..."Baby Got Back."
You what?
You sang to our baby daughter...
...a song about a guy|who likes to have sex...
...with women with giant asses?
You know what,|if you think about it... actually promotes|a healthy body image...
...because even big butts...
...or "juicy doubles" are...
Please don't take her away from me.
Hi, come on in.|I'm Catherine, the listing agent.
Hi, I'm Joey. This is Chandler.
So how come Richard's selling|the place? Went bankrupt?
Medical malpractice?|Choked on his own mustache?
He's buying a much bigger place.|It's got a great view of Central Park...
That's enough out of you.
Is there anything we should know|about the place?
All the appliances are included.|There's a lot of light, a new kitchen.
I think you guys would be|very happy here.
No, we're not together.|We're definitely not a couple.
- Okay. Sorry.|- That's all right.
Wow, you seemed|pretty insulted by that.
What, I'm not good enough for you?
We are not gonna have|this conversation again.
Look at this place.|Why am I so intimidated by this guy?
Pretentious art.|This huge, macho couch.
When we know|all he does is sit around...
...crying about losing Monica|to a real man.
- You don't think he's here, do you?|- I don't know.
It's a nice place, but I gotta say,|I don't know if I see myself living here.
Well, let me see.
Yeah, I can see it.
Look at these videos.|I mean, who does he think he is?
"Magnum Force", "Dirty Harry",|{y:i}Cool Hand Luke.
- Oh, my God.|- What?
There's a tape here|with Monica's name on it.
A tape with a girl's name on it.|It's probably a sex tape.
Wait a minute.
This says "Monica."
And this is Richard's apartment.
Get there faster!
Wow. You look... my mom.
I'm wearing pantyhose.
- Great! Come on in.|- Okay.
Thank you.
- Oh, my God. You're rich.|- No, my parents are rich.
Well, so? They gotta die someday.|Hello!
Mom, Dad, this is Phoebe.
Phoebe, these are my parents,|Theodore and Bitsy.
Theodore, Bitsy...
...what a delight.
- It's so nice to finally meet you.|- And you.
Your home is lovely.
Thank you. I'll give you a tour later.|It's actually three floors.
Holy crap!
Why don't you come meet our friends.
Try and stop me.
- What are you doing?|- Trying to get your parents to like me.
I'm sure they will,|but you don't have to do this.
I want them to get to know Phoebe,|not "Phoebe."
- You've got it.|- All right.
It's hard to stop.
Well, come on.
Phoebe, these are our friends|Tom and Sue Engel.
Phoebe, come sit.|Tell us a little bit about yourself.
- So where are you from?|- Okay.
Well, all right.|Originally, I'm from upstate...
...but then my mom killed herself,|and my stepdad went to prison.
So I moved to the city, where I lived in|a burned-out Buick LeSabre for a while.
Which was okay. That was okay.
Until I got hepatitis, you know...
...because this pimp spit|in my mouth and...
But I got over it.
And, anyway, now I'm|a freelance massage therapist...
...which isn't always steady money,|but at least I don't pay taxes.
So where does everyone summer?
- Oh, God, this is not going well.|- No, you're doing fine. Really.
- Why don't you go talk to my dad.|- Okay, okay, okay.
- Still sure about me being myself?|- Absolutely.
Though maybe just|a little less "pimp spit."
So, Theodore, I can see|where Mike gets his good looks from.
- You must work out all the time.|- Not all the time. I do the best I can.
Yeah, I bet. Look out!
- Oh, my God. Are you okay?|- I recently had surgery.
- I'm so sorry.|- No, I'll be fine.
- I just should check the stitches.|- I really am sorry.
How could you know? Why wouldn't|you punch me in the stomach?
Did you just hit my dad?
Yes. I'm sorry. I've never met|a boyfriend's parents before.
But, I mean, you have met|humans before, right?
Why don't you go talk to my mom.
Okay, yeah, your mom.|She looks nice. I can talk to her.
You do that, and I'm gonna go check|my dad for signs of internal bleeding.
Bitsy? Listen, I wanted to thank you|again for having me here tonight.
Well, not at all.
Also, I just want you to know|what a wonderful man your son is.
- Thank you. I think so too.|- It's a testament to how he was raised.
Especially to you,|because he's very respectful of women.
- Is he really?|- He is so considerate of my feelings.
You know, I think you'd also like|to know that he is a very gentle lover.
Excuse me?
No, don't get me wrong.|No, not in like a sissy way.
When he gets going...
...he can rattle a headboard|like a sailor on leave.
That's... my boy.
I'm not gonna watch it.|I don't need to watch it.
I mean, what good could|possibly come from watching it?
Well, we know I'm gonna watch it.
- Hey, dude, what's up?|- Don't judge me! I'm only human!
Did you take that tape?
I had to! Lmagine you were married|and you found a tape of your wife... another guy's apartment. Wouldn't|you need to know what was on it?
I don't know. Who am I married to?
Some girl.
She hot?
How did she get me to settle down?
All right, I'm gonna watch it.
I mean, it's probably|not even what I think it is.
Even if it is, it can't possibly be as|bad as what I'm picturing in my head.
Can it?
See, in my experience,|if a girl says yes to being taped...
...she doesn't say no to much else,|I'll tell you.
- Then you have to watch it for me.|- What?
Just for a few seconds|so I can know what it is. Please?
All right, fine. But if I enjoy this,|you have only yourself to blame!
- Why am I hearing cheering?|- It's okay. It's just a football game.
- It's just football?|- You were all worried for nothing.
It's football! It's just football!
This is great! This is the first time|I've ever enjoyed football!
I think it may be customary|to get a beer!
What the...?
- What are you doing?|- You don't wanna see what I just saw!
What are you guys doing?
Oh, my God! Is that Richard?
Okay, please laugh for Mommy.|Please?
Please laugh for Mommy.
Not funny, huh?
Well, so is it...
...only offensive novelty rap?
Or maybe just, you know, rap in general.|Because Mommy can rap.
I can't rap.
All right, sweetheart. This is|only because I love you so much.
And I know that you're|not gonna tell anybody.
Emma, you're laughing! You are!
You really do like big butts, don't you?
You beautiful little weirdo.
You missed it! She was laughing!
It was amazing.
It was amazing. It was the most|beautiful, beautiful sound.
I know, isn't it?|What'd you do to get her to laugh?
You know, I just...|A couple of things I tried. Different...
Just sang a little|"The ltsy-Bitsy Spider."
You sang "Baby Got Back," didn't you?
Nothing else worked!|That girl is all about the ass!
And then it goes back to the chorus.
Resolve.|And that's the end of the song.
I realize you hadn't asked|to hear it...
...but no one had spoken|in 17 minutes.
Phoebe writes lots of songs. What was|that one you sang the other night?
"Pervert Parade"?
- "Ode to a Pubic Hair"?|- Stop.
Oh, God. Is that veal?
Mom, I thought I told you,|Phoebe's a vegetarian.
No, that's okay. That's okay.|I mean, I am a vegetarian...
...except for veal.|Yeah. No. Veal I love.
- Phoebe, you don't have to eat that.|- Any baby animals. Kittens, fish babies.
But, you know, especially veal.
You know, and this nice vein of fat|running through it.
...what do you think?
So you stole that tape|from Richard's apartment?
Listen to the judgment|from the porn star!
That tape was never meant|to be seen by...
Joey, I would feel more comfortable|if this conversation were in private.
Monica, look, I don't think you and I|have any secrets anymore.
Not ready to joke about it yet?|See you later.
Why in the world would you take|this tape? And why would you watch it?
Because that's who I am. Okay?
I'm sure a man like Richard could see|a tape like that and not be bothered.
It'd just be another saucy anecdote...
...for him to share at his men's club|over brandy and mustaches.
Is all of this about you not being able|to grow a mustache?
This is about you and Richard.|He's clearly not over you.
He keeps a tape so he can|look at it whenever he wants.
Isn't that sad?|Can't you see how pathetic that is?
Don't be jealous.|You should feel bad for him.
Yeah, well, poor Richard, he...
I can grow a mustache.
This is not our problem. We have|each other. That's all that matters.
But I just keep picturing you rolling|around with him, with your...
...cowboy boots in the air.
Cowboy boots? I've never worn|cowboy boots in my whole life.
Good, good. Play more|because I wanna see how it ends.
- That's not me!|- What?
That's not you! Life is good again!
Ride 'em, cowgirl!
That bastard taped over me!
Is that a problem?
It's just so insulting.|Spring for a new blank tape, doctor!
I can't imagine what he sees in her.
She actually makes me miss|that pill-popping ex-wife of his.
Hello, dear.
- What's going on?|- We were just chitchatting.
- How's your friend?|- A little better.
Do you know who's moving back into|town? Tom and Sue's daughter, Jen.
You remember her, Michael.|She's lovely, well-behaved and single.
- I'm not interested.|- Please, darling, let's be honest.
You can have all the sailor fun|you want with that one.
- But let's be real.|- All right, stop.
All Phoebe has done is try and get you|to like her. Maybe it's not clear...
...but she did her best.
- She's a little different than you are.|- Michael, a pimp spit in her mouth.
So what? If I can get past that,|it shouldn't bother you.
You don't have to like her.|Just accept the fact that I do.
If you can't even be civil|to the woman I love...
- The woman you what?|- Yeah, the woman you what?
The woman I love.
I love you.
Something I shouldn't say for|the first time, in front of my parents...
...and Tom and Sue.
Who are, by the way, the most sinfully|boring people I've ever met in my life.
- I love you too.|- You do?
How great is this?
Wanna get out of here?
- Mom, Dad. Thanks for dinner.|- I had a great time.
It was really top-drawer.|And here's something rich.
Thirteen bathrooms in this place,|I threw up in the coat closet.
One more time from the top!
Rachel, please!|That is so inappropriate!
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Friends - 3x06 - The One With the Flashback
Friends - 3x07 - The One With the Race Car Bed
Friends - 3x08 - The One With the Giant Poking Device
Friends - 3x09 - The One With the Football
Friends - 3x10 - The One Where Rachel Quits
Friends - 3x11 - The One Where Chandler Cant Remember
Friends - 3x12 - The One With All the Jealousy
Friends - 3x13 - The One Where Monica and Richard
Friends - 3x14 - The One With Phoebes Ex-Partner
Friends - 3x15 - The One Where Ross and Rachel Take
Friends - 3x16 - The One the Morning After
Friends - 3x17 - The One Without the Ski Trip
Friends - 3x18 - The One With the Hypnosis Tape
Friends - 3x19 - The One With the Tiny T-Shirt
Friends - 3x20 - The One With the Dollhouse
Friends - 3x21 - The One With a Chick and a Duck
Friends - 3x22 - The One With the Screamer
Friends - 3x23 - The One With Rosss Thing
Friends - 3x24 - The One With Ultimate Fighting Champ
Friends - 3x25 - The One at the Beach
Friends - 4x01 - The One With the Jellyfish
Friends - 4x02 - The One With the Cat
Friends - 4x03 - The One With the Cuffs
Friends - 4x04 - The One With the Ballroom Dancing
Friends - 4x05 - The One With Joeys New Girlfriend
Friends - 4x06 - The One With the Dirty Girl
Friends - 4x07 - The One Where Chandler Crosses
Friends - 4x08 - The One With Chandler in a Box
Friends - 4x09 - The One Where They are Going
Friends - 4x10 - The One With the Girl from
Friends - 4x11 - The One With Phoebes Uterus
Friends - 4x12 - The One With the Embryos
Friends - 4x13 - The One With Rachels Crush
Friends - 4x14 - The One With Joeys Dirty Day
Friends - 4x15 - The One With All the Rugby
Friends - 4x16 - The One With the Fake Party
Friends - 4x17 - The One With the Free Porn
Friends - 4x18 - The One With Rachels New Dress
Friends - 4x19 - The One With All the Haste
Friends - 4x20 - The One With All the Wedding Dresses
Friends - 4x21 - The One With the Invitation
Friends - 4x22 - The One With the Worst Best Man Ever
Friends - 4x23 - The One With Rosss Wedding - part 1
Friends - 4x24 - The One With Rosss Wedding - part 2
Friends - 5x01 - The One After Ross Says Rachel
Friends - 5x02 - The One With All the Kissing
Friends - 5x03 - The One Hundreth
Friends - 5x04 - The One Where Phoebe Hates PBS
Friends - 5x05 - The One With the Kips
Friends - 5x06 - The One With the Yeti
Friends - 5x07 - The One Where Ross Moves In
Friends - 5x08 - The One With All the Thanksgivins
Friends - 5x09 - The One With Rosss Sandwich
Friends - 5x10 - The One With the Inappropiate Sister
Friends - 5x11 - The One With All the Resolutions
Friends - 5x12 - The One With Chandlers Work Laugh
Friends - 5x13 - The One With Joeys Bag
Friends - 5x14 - The One Where Everyone Finds Out
Friends - 5x15 - The One With the Girl Who Hits Joey
Friends - 5x16 - The One With the Cop
Friends - 5x17 - The One With Rachels
Friends - 5x18 - The One Where Rachel Smokes
Friends - 5x19 - The One Where Ross Cant Flirt
Friends - 5x20 - The One With the Ride-Along
Friends - 5x21 - The One With the Ball
Friends - 5x22 - The One With Joeys Big Break
Friends - 5x23 - The One in Vegas
Friends - 6x01 - The One After Vegas
Friends - 6x02 - The One Where Ross Hugs Rachel
Friends - 6x03 - The One With Rosss Denial
Friends - 6x04 - The One Where Joey Loses His
Friends - 6x05 - The One With Joeys Porsche
Friends - 6x06 - The One On the Last Night
Friends - 6x07 - The One Where Phoebe Runs
Friends - 6x08 - The One With Rosss Teeth
Friends - 6x15
Friends 7x01 - The One with Monicas Thunder
Friends 7x02 - The One With Rachels Book
Friends 7x03 - The One With Phoebes Cookies
Friends 7x04 - The One With Rachels Assistant
Friends 7x05 - The One With The Engagement Picture
Friends 7x06 - The One With The Nap Partners
Friends 7x07 - The One with Rosss Library Book
Friends 7x08 - The One Where Chandler Doesnt Like Dogs
Friends 7x09 - The One With All the Candy
Friends 7x10 - The One With The Holiday Armadillo
Friends 7x11 - The One With All The Cheesecakes
Friends 7x12 - The One Where They are Up All Night
Friends 7x13 - The One Where Rosita Dies
Friends 7x14 - The One Where They All Turn Thirty
Friends 7x15 - The One With Joeys New Brain
Friends 7x16 - The One With the Truth About London
Friends 7x17 - The One With the Cheap Wedding Dress
Friends 7x18 - The One With Joeys Award
Friends 7x19 - The One With Ross and Monicas Cousin
Friends 7x20 - The One With Rachels Kisses
Friends 7x21 - The One With the Vows
Friends 7x22 - The One With Chandlers Dad
Friends 7x23 - The One With Monica and Chandlers Wedding Part 1
Friends 7x24 - The One With Monica and Chandlers Wedding Part 2
Friends 9x01 - The One Where No One Proposes
Friends 9x02 - The One Where Emma Cries
Friends 9x03 - The One With The Pediatrician
Friends 9x04 - The One With The Sharks
Friends 9x05 - The One With Phoebes Birthday Dinner
Friends 9x06 - The One With The Male Nanny
Friends 9x07 - The One With Rosss Inappropriate Song
Friends 9x08 - The One With Rachels Other Sister
Friends 9x09 - The One With Rachels Phone Number
Friends 9x10 - The One With Christmas In Tulsa
Friends 9x11 - The One Where Rachel Goes Back To Work
Friends 9x12 - The One With Phoebes Rats
Friends 9x13 - The One Where Monica Sings
Friends 9x14 - The One With The Blind Dates
Friends 9x15 - The One With The Mugging
Friends 9x16 - The One With The Boob Job
Friends 9x17 - The One With The Memorial Service
Friends 9x18 - The One With The Lottery
Friends 9x19 - The One With Rachels Dream
Friends 9x20 - The One With The Soap Opera Party
Friends 9x21 - The One With The Fertility Test
Friends 9x22 - The One With The Donor
Friends 9x23-24 - The One In Barbados 1 2)
Frisson des vampires Le
From Beijing with love
From Dusk Till Dawn
From Dusk Till Dawn 3 The Hangmans Daughter
From Hell
From Justin To Kelly (Special Edition)
Frontera La
Frusta e il corpo La
Fucking Amal
Fudoh The New Generation 1996
Fugitive The - The Chase Continues
Fugitives (2000)
Fukssvansen (Chop Chop)
Full Frontal 2002
Full Metal Jacket
Full Time Killer
Fun Movie (2002 Korean) CD1
Fun Movie (2002 Korean) CD2
Fun in Acapulco (Richard Thorpe 1963)
Funeral Parade of Roses
Funeral in Berlin
Funny Girl
Fuochi dArtifizio
Furia (2002)
Fury The (1978)
Futurama 1x01 - Space Pilot 3000
Futurama 1x02 - The Series Has Landed
Futurama 1x03 - I Roommate
Futurama 1x04 - Loves Labors Lost in Space
Futurama 1x05 - Fear of a Bot Planet
Futurama 1x06 - A Fishful of Dollars
Futurama 1x07 - My Three Suns
Futurama 1x08 - A Big Piece of Garbage
Futurama 1x09 - Hell is Other Robots
Futurama 2x01 - A Flight to Remember
Futurama 2x02 - Mars University
Futurama 2x03 - When Aliens Attack
Futurama 2x04 - Fry and the Slurm Factory
Futurama 3x01 - Amazon Women in the Mood
Futurama 3x02 - Parasites Lost
Futurama 3x03 - A Tale of Two Santas
Futurama 3x04 - The Luck of the Fryrish
Futurama 3x05 - The Birdbot of Ice-catraz
Futurama 3x06 - Bendless Love
Futurama 3x07 - The Day the Earth Stood Stupid
Futurama 3x08 - Thats Lobstertainment
Futurama 3x09 - The Cyber House Rules
Futurama 3x10 - Insane in the Mainframe
Futurama 3x10 - Where The Buggalo Roam
Futurama 3x12 - The Route of All Evil
Futurama 3x13 - Bendin in the Wind
Futurama 3x14 - Time Keeps on Slippin
Futurama 3x15 - I Dated a Robot
Futurama 3x16 - A Leela of Her Own
Futurama 3x17 - A Pharaoh To Remember
Futurama 3x18 - Anthology of Interest Part 2
Futurama 3x19 - Roswell That Ends Well
Futurama 3x20 - Godfellas
Futurama 3x21 - Future Stock
Futurama 3x22 - The 30 Iron Chef
Futurama 4x01 - Kif Gets Knocked Up a Notch
Futurama 4x02 - Leelas Homeworld
Futurama 4x03 - Love and Rocket
Futurama 4x04 - Less Than Hero
Futurama 4x05 - A Taste of Freedom
Futurama 4x06 - Bender Should Not Be Allowed on TV
Futurama 4x07 - Jurassic Bark
Futurama 4x08 - Crimes of the Hot
Futurama 4x09 - Teenage Mutant Leelas Hurdles
Futurama 4x10 - The Why of Fry
Futurama 4x11 - Where no Fan Has Gone Before
Futurama 4x12 - The Sting
Futurama 4x13 - Bend Her
Futurama 4x14 - Obsoletely Fabulous
Futurama 4x15 - The Farnsworth Parabox
Futurama 4x16 - Three Hundred Big Boys
Futurama 4x17 - Spanish Fry
Futurama 4x18 - The Devils Hands are Idle Playthings
Fyra Nyanser Av Brunt CD1
Fyra Nyanser Av Brunt CD2