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Friends 9x15 - The One With The Mugging

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Guys! Guys! I've got great|news. Guess what.
- Monica's pregnant!|- Really?
Let's get past the moment.
- What's your news?|- Thank you.
I got a job in advertising.
Honey, that's incredible!
Gosh, what's the pay like?
Oh, come on, people.
If I don't know who makes the most... do I know who|I like the most? Hi, Joey.
It pays nothing. It's an internship.
We have interns at "Days of Our Lives".
Right. So it'll be the same,|except less sex with you.
What do you think they'll|have you do there?
It's a training program, but they|hire the people they like.
- That's great!|- There's gonna be some grunt work...
...which will stink. A grown man|getting people coffee is humiliating.
Humiliating and noble.
Thank you.
You know, if I didn't|already have a job...
...I would've been good in advertising.
Ross, you did not come up with:|"Got Milk?"
Yes, I did! I did!
I should've written it down.
The One With the Mugging
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Subtitles processed by|Subtitle Editor (c) Digital Higherground - Igor Janevski, 2004
Where's Chandler? I want to wish|him good luck on his first day.
And I smelled bacon.
- He just left.|- Who did?
Joey, you're never gonna|believe it! She called!
- She did?|- You got it!
- I did?|- What is she talking about?
I don't know, but it sounds great!
Your agent called.|You got that audition!
- With Leonard Hayes?|- Yes!
Oh, my God, that is great!|It's for a play on Broadway.
And in a real theater. Not that little|one underneath the deli like last time.
- Is it a good play?|- It must be.
I read it and didn't|understand a single word!
- Leonard Hayes is starring in it.|- Yeah, and directing.
He was so good in|that movie of "Macbeth".
- You saw that?|- No, but I saw the previews.
They played it right before "Jackass".
- He's done some amazing work.|- Oh, yeah.
I loved him in those phone commercials.
When the monkey hits him in the face|with the giant rubber phone...
Maybe the monkey|will be at the audition.
Don't make me more nervous|than I already am!
- Good morning.|- Can I get you a cup of coffee, sir?
Oh, no, no. I'm an intern,|just like you guys.
Except for the tie, the briefcase|and the fact that I can rent a car.
Seriously, you're an intern?
I'm heading in a new career direction|and you gotta start at the bottom.
I know I'm a little older than you guys,|but it's not like I'm Bob Hope.
The comedian. USO.
It's U.S.A., sir.
This is Joey Tribbiani.|Joey, these are the producers.
And as you probably already|know, this is Leonard Hayes.
It is so amazing to meet you.|I am such a big fan of your work.
I've been blessed with|a lot of great roles.
Tell me about it, huh?|"Unlimited nights and weekends!"
Are you making fun of me?|Because I am not a sellout.
I didn't do it for money.|I believe in those phones!
I almost lost a cousin because|of bad wireless service.
No, I wasn't making fun of you. I think|you were great in those commercials.
- Really?|- Yeah.
Well, I do bring a certain|credibility to the role.
Are you kidding? When they shoot|you out of that cannon...
"Hang up that phone!"
- One take.|- Wow.
- So shall we read?|- Oh, yeah, sure.
Top of Act 2. This is my entrance.|You got it?
What the hell are you still doing here?
- I think you know.|- Bastard!
I am what you made me.|You know what? I could go right now.
- Go! Go!|- I can't.
Oh, I want to, Long Pause...
...but I can't.
So sorry. You're not supposed|to say "long pause."
Oh! Oh, I thought that was your|character's name. You know?
I thought you were, like, an Indian|or something, you know, with the...
No. Thank you so much for coming in.|We appreciate it. Thank you.
You don't want me to do it again?
- I could do an accent.|- No.
You know, Southern.|"I could go right now, mon!" Huh?
My God in heaven.
Joey, hang on. Leonard, can|we talk to you for a moment?
Yes? You've got to be kidding.|He can't act.
I don't care if you think he's hot.
If you want to sleep with him,|do it on your own time. This is a play.
If you insist on this...
...I will call my agent so fast...
...on a cell phone connection so clear,|he's gonna think I'm next door!
Hi, thank you so much for|whispering for my benefit.
Tell me what I did wrong. I'd love to|work on it and try it again for you.
And also, how you doing?
Give me another chance.|I really want to get better. Please?
If you want to come back today... are my notes. Ready?|- Yeah.
- You're in your head. Thinking too much.|- I really doubt that.
No, no. It's that you're not|connected with anything in your body.
There's no urgency.|The scene is a struggle.
It's a race.|Also, what you did was horizontal.
Don't be afraid to explore the vertical.
And don't learn the words.|Let the words learn you.
Couldn't I just sleep with the producer?
Hey, do you want to go|to dinner tonight?
I can't. I've got a date|with that waitress, Katie.
I know we've only gone out,|like, twice, but I don't know...
...I have a good feeling about her.|- Oh, I hear divorce bells.
Give me your wallets,|and there won't be a problem.
- What?|- I have a gun.
Okay, relax, Phoebe.|Just stay calm.
Oh, my God, I can't find my wallet!
- All right, lady, now give me your purse.|- No.
What do you mean "no"? I knew you'd|be my death, Phoebe Buffay!
- Lowell, is that you?|- Phoebe?
- Oh, my God!|- Unbelievable! Oh, my God!
I'm sorry. Ross, this is my old friend,|Lowell, from the streets!
- Lowell, Ross.|- Ross, nice to meet you.
Yeah, a real pleasure.
It's been so long! Oh, so long.
- I can't believe you're still doing this.|- I know. But I quit smoking.
Good for you.
You look like you're doing well.
I guess your mugging days|are behind you.
Oh, my God.|Phoebe, you used to mug people?
Excuse me, Ross,|old friends catching up.
- How'd the audition go?|- They want to see me again, but...
...Leonard Hayes did not like me.
- What happened?|- He said I wasn't urgent enough.
Everything I did was horizontal,|and I should be more vertical.
- He said that I should think less.|- Well, so far so good.
Honey, I'm old!
What's wrong?
I am so much older than these other|interns. I can't compete with them.
So you're a little older.
Look at the positive.|You have all this life experience.
Yes, but I don't think life experience|is gonna help me with these.
Wow! It's like they're on fire!
- What are they?|- Prototype sneakers.
I need ideas on how to sell them.|Which I can't do...
...because no self-respecting|adult would ever wear these.
I'll give you $500 for them.
- What am I supposed to do?|- Come on, sneakers are easy.
- You wear them all the time.|- They're not called sneakers anymore.
They're called "kicks" or "skids."|I think I heard somebody say "slorps."
They've got wheels that pop out from|the bottom so you can roll around...
...because apparently|walking is too much exercise.
"Kids! Kids! Roll your|way to childhood obesity!"
Would you help me try to sell these?
Okay. Have you considered|using a girl with huge knockers?
That's not what they're looking for.
Hey, that would work on me.
Why do you think I buy|Mrs. Butterworth's?
You'll never guess what just happened.
- Phoebe and I got mugged!|- Are you okay?
Yeah. Phoebe knew the mugger.
How do you know a mugger?
I'm sorry, I have friends|outside the six of us.
Know how she knew him?|Because Phoebe used to mug people.
Well, I'm not proud of it,|but, you know...
...when I was living on the street and|I needed money for food and stuff...
- That is awful.|- I wasn't rich like you guys, okay?
I didn't eat gold and have a flying pony.
I had a hard life.|My mother was killed by a drug dealer.
- Your mother killed herself.|- She was a drug dealer.
It was a good thing she knew him.|I was about to do some serious damage.
This must have brought back|some bad memories for you, Ross.
- Why?|- Ross was mugged as a kid.
- You were?|- Yeah. And it was pretty traumatic.
It was outside St. Mark's Comics.
I was minding my business, seeing what|kind of trouble Spider-Man was into.
Wonder Woman.
Anyway, I was heading|towards this bakery... pick up a couple of dozen|linzer tortes for someone...
...when out of nowhere, this thug|with a pipe jumps out and says:
- "Give me your money, punk!"|- Oh, my God.
I know. And the worst part|was, they took my backpack...
...which had all the original artwork I did|for my own comic book, "Science Boy".
Oh, yeah! What was|his super power again?
A super-human thirst for knowledge.
I better get to class.
Are there any more of your|friends I should look out for?
No. Actually, you might want to stay|away from Jane Street.
That's where Stabby Joe works.
- I think we have a problem here.|- What?
Back in my mugging days,|I worked St. Mark's Comics.
- Yeah?|- A pipe was my weapon of choice...
...and preteen, comic-book nerds|were my meat.
There was one kid who had|a sticker on his backpack that said:
- "Geology rocks!"|- "Geology rocks!"
- Oh, my God!|- I know! I mugged Ross!
- You're late.|- I know. I'm sorry.
But can I just run to the bathroom?
- No. Leonard doesn't wait.|- But I am bursting with Yoo-hoo!
Joey, here we go!|Let's go. Very quickly.
- I really need...|- We must go now, quickly.
- Yeah. Yes, sir.|- Ready?
- What the hell are you still doing here?|- I think you know!
- Oh, you sick bastard!|- I am what you made me! Know what?
- What?|- I could go right now.
- Then go. Go!|- Oh, I can't. I want to, but I can't!
Cut. That was good!
- Very good. You did everything I asked.|- I did?
Yes. Plus which, you've got this,|I don't know, this squirmy quality... bring to the character|I couldn't have imagined.
Here's what we're gonna do:
Come back tomorrow|for the final callbacks.
Do all of this, what you got|going now. But you know what?
More. More. Can you do that?
Sure. I don't have time to say|thank you because I really gotta go!
Look at that! Still in character.|I like him.
I plant seeds. I can't explain it.|I don't know.
- Hey. What are you doing?|- Putting on the sneakers... get in the young mindset,|see if it sparks anything.
- Oh, anything yet?|- Yes, how's this?
"They're so uncomfortable, it's like|getting kicked in the nuts for your feet."
You're probably wondering|what I'm doing.
No, that seems about right.
Yesterday at my audition, I had to pee.|Apparently, that makes me a good actor.
I got a callback, so I'm drinking|everything. Oh, by the way...
...that eggnog in our fridge was great!
- Joey, that was formula.|- We gotta get more of that.
These aren't half bad. You should|suggest these to Ralph Lauren.
Okay, first of all, that's stupid.|Second, I'm not allowed to talk to Ralph.
All right. I feel younger already.
Yeah, I think I broke my hip.
- Hey, you!|- Hey.
Hey. How was class?
No one asks me that. What's wrong?
- Nothing. I really want to know.|- Oh.
Well, there was actually a rather lively|discussion about the Pleistocene...
All right, nothing is worth this.
I have a confession to make.
Okay, you know that girl that|mugged you when you were a kid?
What are you talking about?|It wasn't a girl. It was this huge dude.
You don't have to lie anymore.|I know that it was a 14-year-old girl.
- No, it wasn't.|- Yes, it was.
You don't think I would have defended|myself against a 14-year-old...?
- "Give me your money, punk!"|- Oh, my God, it was you!
I can't believe it. You mugged me?
Yeah. And I'm so, so sorry, Ross.|I'm sorry.
But, you know, if you think|about it, it's kind of neat.
I mean, well, it's just that I've|always felt kind of like an outsider.
You know, the rest of you have|connections that go way back...
...and, you know, now you|and I have a great one.
It's not the best!
I know. Please forgive me.|I don't know what to say.
There's nothing you can say! That was|the most humiliating thing ever.
- Even more humiliating than...|- Let's not do this!
And then, at the end of the commercial,|the girls get out of the hot tub...
...and start making|out with each other.
That's interesting.
Just one thought: You didn't|mention the shoes.
Who's next? Chandler.
You start with a guy|putting on the shoes.
- He's about my age.|- Your age?
He's rolling down the street|and he starts to lose control.
Maybe he falls.|Maybe he hurts himself.
Just then, a kid comes flying|by wearing the shoes.
He jumps over the old guy and laughs.|And the line reads:
"Not suitable for adults."
- Well, Chandler, that's great.|- Thank you, sir.
Or, man who's two|years younger than me.
You see, that has a clear selling point.|It appeals to our key demographic.
- How did you come up with that?|- I don't know! I don't know!
I was just trying to get into a young|mindset, and stuff started to flow.
- That is great. Good work.|- Thank you.
We'll see all of you tomorrow.
The cold weather hurts my hip.
Hey, Ross. I know you're still mad at|me, but can I just talk to you for a sec?
Sure, go ahead. Oh, sorry.|Sure, go ahead.
I just really wanted to apologize again.
And also show you something|I think you'll find very exciting.
Oh, my God! "Crap from the street!"
Look, Ross. In this box...
...are all the things I got from mugging|that I thought were too special to sell...
...or smoke.
Anyway, I was looking|through it, and I found...
..."Science Boy."
Oh, my God!
I never thought I'd see this again.
It's all here!
What made you save|it all these years?
I guess I just thought|it was really good.
And maybe it would be|worth something one day.
You really thought "Science Boy"|was worth saving?
Yeah. But you should know I also have a|jar of Vaseline and a cat skull in here.
Still, this is amazing!
Oh, my God. Thank you, Phoebe.
You're welcome. Thank you for|Science Boy. I learned a lot from him.
You're welcome.
- I need an answer!|- I can't tell you something I don't know.
- You know!|- I don't know!
- I need an answer now!|- You want an answer? The answer is...
She never loved me.|She only loved you.
You knew this all along|and you never told me?
I can never forgive you, or myself. I have|nothing to live for. Bang! And scene!
Absolutely amazing.
- The part is yours.|- Thanks! Now I really gotta go.
No, wait! Congratulations!|You did it.
You did it. You can relax now. Yeah.
Wow! That's a big cable bill.
You don't have a job,|but you have no problem ordering porn.
On a Saturday afternoon?
I was in the house!
Hey. Phoebe didn't by any|chance mention that...
She was the huge guy that|mugged you? Yeah.
I see. You didn't happen to tell...
- Everybody we know? Yeah.|- Great. Thanks.
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Friends - 10x02 - TOW Where Ross Is Fine
Friends - 10x03 - TOW Ross Tan
Friends - 10x04 - TOW the cake
Friends - 10x05 - TOW Rachels Sister Babysits
Friends - 10x06 - TOW Rosss Grant
Friends - 10x07 - TOW The Home Study
Friends - 10x08 - TOW the late Thanksgiving
Friends - 10x09 - TOW the birth mother
Friends - 10x10 - TOW Chandler Gets Caught
Friends - 10x11 - TOW The Stripper Cries
Friends - 10x12 - TOW Phoebes Wedding
Friends - 10x13 - TOW Joey Speaks French
Friends - 10x14 - TOW Princess Consuela
Friends - 3 22 - The One With the Screamer
Friends - 3x01 - The One With the Princess Leia Fantasy
Friends - 3x02 - The One Where No Ones Ready
Friends - 3x03 - The One With the Jam
Friends - 3x04 - The One With the Metaphorical Tunnel
Friends - 3x05 - The One With Frank Jr
Friends - 3x06 - The One With the Flashback
Friends - 3x07 - The One With the Race Car Bed
Friends - 3x08 - The One With the Giant Poking Device
Friends - 3x09 - The One With the Football
Friends - 3x10 - The One Where Rachel Quits
Friends - 3x11 - The One Where Chandler Cant Remember
Friends - 3x12 - The One With All the Jealousy
Friends - 3x13 - The One Where Monica and Richard
Friends - 3x14 - The One With Phoebes Ex-Partner
Friends - 3x15 - The One Where Ross and Rachel Take
Friends - 3x16 - The One the Morning After
Friends - 3x17 - The One Without the Ski Trip
Friends - 3x18 - The One With the Hypnosis Tape
Friends - 3x19 - The One With the Tiny T-Shirt
Friends - 3x20 - The One With the Dollhouse
Friends - 3x21 - The One With a Chick and a Duck
Friends - 3x22 - The One With the Screamer
Friends - 3x23 - The One With Rosss Thing
Friends - 3x24 - The One With Ultimate Fighting Champ
Friends - 3x25 - The One at the Beach
Friends - 4x01 - The One With the Jellyfish
Friends - 4x02 - The One With the Cat
Friends - 4x03 - The One With the Cuffs
Friends - 4x04 - The One With the Ballroom Dancing
Friends - 4x05 - The One With Joeys New Girlfriend
Friends - 4x06 - The One With the Dirty Girl
Friends - 4x07 - The One Where Chandler Crosses
Friends - 4x08 - The One With Chandler in a Box
Friends - 4x09 - The One Where They are Going
Friends - 4x10 - The One With the Girl from
Friends - 4x11 - The One With Phoebes Uterus
Friends - 4x12 - The One With the Embryos
Friends - 4x13 - The One With Rachels Crush
Friends - 4x14 - The One With Joeys Dirty Day
Friends - 4x15 - The One With All the Rugby
Friends - 4x16 - The One With the Fake Party
Friends - 4x17 - The One With the Free Porn
Friends - 4x18 - The One With Rachels New Dress
Friends - 4x19 - The One With All the Haste
Friends - 4x20 - The One With All the Wedding Dresses
Friends - 4x21 - The One With the Invitation
Friends - 4x22 - The One With the Worst Best Man Ever
Friends - 4x23 - The One With Rosss Wedding - part 1
Friends - 4x24 - The One With Rosss Wedding - part 2
Friends - 5x01 - The One After Ross Says Rachel
Friends - 5x02 - The One With All the Kissing
Friends - 5x03 - The One Hundreth
Friends - 5x04 - The One Where Phoebe Hates PBS
Friends - 5x05 - The One With the Kips
Friends - 5x06 - The One With the Yeti
Friends - 5x07 - The One Where Ross Moves In
Friends - 5x08 - The One With All the Thanksgivins
Friends - 5x09 - The One With Rosss Sandwich
Friends - 5x10 - The One With the Inappropiate Sister
Friends - 5x11 - The One With All the Resolutions
Friends - 5x12 - The One With Chandlers Work Laugh
Friends - 5x13 - The One With Joeys Bag
Friends - 5x14 - The One Where Everyone Finds Out
Friends - 5x15 - The One With the Girl Who Hits Joey
Friends - 5x16 - The One With the Cop
Friends - 5x17 - The One With Rachels
Friends - 5x18 - The One Where Rachel Smokes
Friends - 5x19 - The One Where Ross Cant Flirt
Friends - 5x20 - The One With the Ride-Along
Friends - 5x21 - The One With the Ball
Friends - 5x22 - The One With Joeys Big Break
Friends - 5x23 - The One in Vegas
Friends - 6x01 - The One After Vegas
Friends - 6x02 - The One Where Ross Hugs Rachel
Friends - 6x03 - The One With Rosss Denial
Friends - 6x04 - The One Where Joey Loses His
Friends - 6x05 - The One With Joeys Porsche
Friends - 6x06 - The One On the Last Night
Friends - 6x07 - The One Where Phoebe Runs
Friends - 6x08 - The One With Rosss Teeth
Friends - 6x15
Friends 7x01 - The One with Monicas Thunder
Friends 7x02 - The One With Rachels Book
Friends 7x03 - The One With Phoebes Cookies
Friends 7x04 - The One With Rachels Assistant
Friends 7x05 - The One With The Engagement Picture
Friends 7x06 - The One With The Nap Partners
Friends 7x07 - The One with Rosss Library Book
Friends 7x08 - The One Where Chandler Doesnt Like Dogs
Friends 7x09 - The One With All the Candy
Friends 7x10 - The One With The Holiday Armadillo
Friends 7x11 - The One With All The Cheesecakes
Friends 7x12 - The One Where They are Up All Night
Friends 7x13 - The One Where Rosita Dies
Friends 7x14 - The One Where They All Turn Thirty
Friends 7x15 - The One With Joeys New Brain
Friends 7x16 - The One With the Truth About London
Friends 7x17 - The One With the Cheap Wedding Dress
Friends 7x18 - The One With Joeys Award
Friends 7x19 - The One With Ross and Monicas Cousin
Friends 7x20 - The One With Rachels Kisses
Friends 7x21 - The One With the Vows
Friends 7x22 - The One With Chandlers Dad
Friends 7x23 - The One With Monica and Chandlers Wedding Part 1
Friends 7x24 - The One With Monica and Chandlers Wedding Part 2
Friends 9x01 - The One Where No One Proposes
Friends 9x02 - The One Where Emma Cries
Friends 9x03 - The One With The Pediatrician
Friends 9x04 - The One With The Sharks
Friends 9x05 - The One With Phoebes Birthday Dinner
Friends 9x06 - The One With The Male Nanny
Friends 9x07 - The One With Rosss Inappropriate Song
Friends 9x08 - The One With Rachels Other Sister
Friends 9x09 - The One With Rachels Phone Number
Friends 9x10 - The One With Christmas In Tulsa
Friends 9x11 - The One Where Rachel Goes Back To Work
Friends 9x12 - The One With Phoebes Rats
Friends 9x13 - The One Where Monica Sings
Friends 9x14 - The One With The Blind Dates
Friends 9x15 - The One With The Mugging
Friends 9x16 - The One With The Boob Job
Friends 9x17 - The One With The Memorial Service
Friends 9x18 - The One With The Lottery
Friends 9x19 - The One With Rachels Dream
Friends 9x20 - The One With The Soap Opera Party
Friends 9x21 - The One With The Fertility Test
Friends 9x22 - The One With The Donor
Friends 9x23-24 - The One In Barbados 1 2)
Frisson des vampires Le
From Beijing with love
From Dusk Till Dawn
From Dusk Till Dawn 3 The Hangmans Daughter
From Hell
From Justin To Kelly (Special Edition)
Frontera La
Frusta e il corpo La
Fucking Amal
Fudoh The New Generation 1996
Fugitive The - The Chase Continues
Fugitives (2000)
Fukssvansen (Chop Chop)
Full Frontal 2002
Full Metal Jacket
Full Time Killer
Fun Movie (2002 Korean) CD1
Fun Movie (2002 Korean) CD2
Fun in Acapulco (Richard Thorpe 1963)
Funeral Parade of Roses
Funeral in Berlin
Funny Girl
Fuochi dArtifizio
Furia (2002)
Fury The (1978)
Futurama 1x01 - Space Pilot 3000
Futurama 1x02 - The Series Has Landed
Futurama 1x03 - I Roommate
Futurama 1x04 - Loves Labors Lost in Space
Futurama 1x05 - Fear of a Bot Planet
Futurama 1x06 - A Fishful of Dollars
Futurama 1x07 - My Three Suns
Futurama 1x08 - A Big Piece of Garbage
Futurama 1x09 - Hell is Other Robots
Futurama 2x01 - A Flight to Remember
Futurama 2x02 - Mars University
Futurama 2x03 - When Aliens Attack
Futurama 2x04 - Fry and the Slurm Factory
Futurama 3x01 - Amazon Women in the Mood
Futurama 3x02 - Parasites Lost
Futurama 3x03 - A Tale of Two Santas
Futurama 3x04 - The Luck of the Fryrish
Futurama 3x05 - The Birdbot of Ice-catraz
Futurama 3x06 - Bendless Love
Futurama 3x07 - The Day the Earth Stood Stupid
Futurama 3x08 - Thats Lobstertainment
Futurama 3x09 - The Cyber House Rules
Futurama 3x10 - Insane in the Mainframe
Futurama 3x10 - Where The Buggalo Roam
Futurama 3x12 - The Route of All Evil
Futurama 3x13 - Bendin in the Wind
Futurama 3x14 - Time Keeps on Slippin
Futurama 3x15 - I Dated a Robot
Futurama 3x16 - A Leela of Her Own
Futurama 3x17 - A Pharaoh To Remember
Futurama 3x18 - Anthology of Interest Part 2
Futurama 3x19 - Roswell That Ends Well
Futurama 3x20 - Godfellas
Futurama 3x21 - Future Stock
Futurama 3x22 - The 30 Iron Chef
Futurama 4x01 - Kif Gets Knocked Up a Notch
Futurama 4x02 - Leelas Homeworld
Futurama 4x03 - Love and Rocket
Futurama 4x04 - Less Than Hero
Futurama 4x05 - A Taste of Freedom
Futurama 4x06 - Bender Should Not Be Allowed on TV
Futurama 4x07 - Jurassic Bark
Futurama 4x08 - Crimes of the Hot
Futurama 4x09 - Teenage Mutant Leelas Hurdles
Futurama 4x10 - The Why of Fry
Futurama 4x11 - Where no Fan Has Gone Before
Futurama 4x12 - The Sting
Futurama 4x13 - Bend Her
Futurama 4x14 - Obsoletely Fabulous
Futurama 4x15 - The Farnsworth Parabox
Futurama 4x16 - Three Hundred Big Boys
Futurama 4x17 - Spanish Fry
Futurama 4x18 - The Devils Hands are Idle Playthings
Fyra Nyanser Av Brunt CD1
Fyra Nyanser Av Brunt CD2