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If there's something strange in your neighborhood Who you gonna call Ghostbusters If there's something weird and it don't look good Who you gonna call Ghostbusters All right. I'm gonna turn over the next card. I want you to concentrate. I want you to tell me what you think it is. Square. Good guess, but wrong. Clear your head. All right. Tell me what you think it is. Is it a star? It is a star. Very good. That's great. Think hard. What is it? Circle. Close. But definitely wrong. All right. Ready? What is it? Come on. Figure eight. Incredible. That's five for five. Can you see these? Are you cheating me? No, I swear. They're just coming to me. Nervous? Yes. I don't like this. You only have 75 more to go. Okay? What's this one? It's a couple of wavy lines. Sorry. This isn't your lucky day. I know. I'm getting tired of this! You volunteered, didn't you? We're paying you, aren't we? Yeah, but I didn't know you would give me electric shocks! What are you trying to prove here, anyway? I'm studying the effect of negative reinforcement on ESP ability. I'll tell you what the effect is! It's pissing me off! Then maybe my theory is correct. - Keep the five bucks. I've had it! - I will, mister. You may as well get used to that. That's the kind of resentment that your ability... is going to provoke in some people. Do you think I have it, Dr. Venkman? You're no fluke, Jennifer. This is it. This is definitely it. Did those UV lenses come in for the video camera? And I need that blank tape you erased yesterday. - Will you excuse me? - Sure. I'm right in the middle of something, Ray! I need more time with this subject. Could you come back in an hour and a half? Peter, at 1:40 p.m., at the main branch... of the New York Public Library on Fifth Avenue... ten people witnessed... a free-floating, full-torso vaporous apparition. It blew books off shelves from 20 feet away... and scared some poor librarian. I'm very excited. I'm very pleased. Get down there, check it out... and get back to me. You're coming. Spengler went down there. He took P.K.E. valances. Went off the top of the scale. Buried the needle. We're close on this one. I can feel it. I can feel it. Very, very close. I have to go now, but I'd like to work with you some more. Perhaps you could come back this evening, say at-- Eight o'clock? I was just gonna say, "Eight o'clock?" You are a legitimate phenomenon. You've finally gone around the bend on this ghost business. You guys have been running your ass off... meeting every schizo who says he has a paranormal experience. What have you seen? You forget, Peter... I was present at an undersea, unexplained mass sponge migration. Ray, the sponges migrated about a foot and a half. - You're here. - What have you got? This is very big. There's definitely something here. Egon, this reminds me of the time you tried to drill a hole through your head. That would have worked if you hadn't stopped me. I'm Roger Delacorte. Are you the men from the university? Yes, I'm Dr. Venkman, Dr. Stantz, Egon. Thank you for coming. I hope we can clear this up quickly and quietly. Let's not rush things. We don't even know what you have yet. I don't remember seeing any legs... but it definitely had arms, because it reached out for me. Arms? I can't wait to see this thing. Alice, I'm gonna ask you some standard questions, okay? Have you or any member of your family... ever been diagnosed schizophrenic, mentally incompetent? My uncle thought he was Saint Jerome. I'd call that a big "yes." Are you habitually using drugs, stimulants, alcohol? Just asking. Are you, Alice, menstruating right now? What has that got to do with it? Back off, man. I'm a scientist. Ray. It's moving. Come on. Look! This is hot. Symmetrical book stacking... just like the Philadelphia mass turbulence of 1947. You're right. No human being would stack books like this. Listen! You smell something? Talk about telekinetic activity. Look at this mess! Look at this. Ectoplasmic residue! Venkman, get a sample of this. It's the real thing. Somebody blows their nose, and you wanna keep it? I'd like to analyze it. There's more over here. I'm getting stronger readings here. This way. Come on. Egon, your mucus. This happen to you before? First time? It's here. A full-torso apparition, and it's real. What do we do? Could you come here and talk to me? Would you come over here for a second, please? Come here, Francine. - What do we do? - I don't know. What do you think? Stop that! We've got to make contact. One of us should try to speak to it. Good idea. Hello. I'm Peter. Where are you from originally? All right. The usual stuff isn't working. Okay. I have a plan. I know exactly what to do. Now stay close. Stay close. I know. Do exactly as I say. Get ready. Ready? Get her! - Did you see it? What was it? - We'll get back to you. "Get her!" That was your whole plan. Get her. Scientific. I just got overexcited. But wasn't it incredible? We actually touched the etheric plane. You know what this could mean to the university? Gonna be bigger than the microchip. I wouldn't say the experience was completely wasted. According to these readings, we have an excellent chance... of actually catching a ghost and holding it indefinitely. This is great. If the ionization rate is constant for all ectoplasmic entities... we could really bust some heads... in a spiritual sense, of course. You serious about catching a ghost? I'm always serious. I'm gonna take back some of the things I've said about you. You've earned it. The possibilities are limitless. Hey, Dean Yeager. I trust you're moving us to better quarters on campus. No, you are being moved off campus. The Board of Regents has decided to terminate your grant. You are to vacate these premises immediately. This is preposterous. I demand an explanation. Fine. This university will no longer continue any funding of any kind... for your group's activities. - But the kids love us. - Dr. Venkman. We believe that the purpose of science is to serve mankind. You, however, seem to regard science as some kind of dodge or hustle. Your theories are the worst kind of popular tripe... your methods are sloppy and your conclusions are highly questionable. You are a poor scientist... Dr. Venkman. I see. You have no place in this department... or in this university. This is a major disgrace. Forget M.I.T. or Stanford now. They wouldn't touch us with a ten-meter cattle prod. You're always so concerned about your reputation. Einstein did his best stuff when he was working as a patent clerk. You know what a patent clerk earns? The university gave us money and facilities. We didn't have to produce anything. You've never been out of college. You don't know what it's like out there. I've worked in the private sector. They expect results. For whatever reasons, Ray... call it fate, call it luck... call it karma... I believe that everything happens for a reason. I believe that we were destined to get thrown out of this dump. For what purpose? To go into business for ourselves. This ecto-containment system... is going to require a load of bread to capitalize. Where we gonna get the money? I don't know. You're never gonna regret this. My parents left me that house. I was born there. You're not gonna lose the house. Everybody has three mortgages. But at 19%? You didn't even bargain with the guy. For your information, the interest rate alone for the first five years... comes to $95,000. Relax. We are on the threshold of establishing... the indispensable defense science of the next decade. Professional Paranormal Investigations and Eliminations. The franchise rights alone... will make us rich beyond our wildest dreams. There's office space, sleeping quarters and showers on the next floor... and a full kitchen on the top level. It seems a little pricey for a unique fixer-upper opportunity. What do you think, Egon? I think this building should be condemned. There's serious metal fatigue in all the load-bearing members... the wiring is completely inadequate for our power needs... and the neighborhood is like a demilitarized zone. Hey, does this pole still work? Wow! This place is great! When can we move in? You gotta try this pole! I'm gonna get my stuff. We should stay here, tonight. Sleep here. You know, to try it out. - I think we'll take it. - Good. - Dana, it's you. - Hi. Yes, Louis, it's me. - I thought it was the drugstore. - Are you sick? No, I feel great. I just ordered some more vitamins. I was exercising. I taped "20-Minute Workout." I played it back at high speed. It only took ten minutes. I got a great workout. You wanna come in for a mineral water? I'd really like to, but I have to go to rehearsal. No sweat. I'll take a rain check. I always have mineral water and nutritious foods. - But you know that. - Yeah, I know that. That reminds me. I'm having a big party for all my clients. My fourth anniversary as an accountant. Even though you do your own tax return, I'd like you to stop by. Thank you, Louis. I'll try to stop by. You shouldn't leave your TV on so loud when you go out. The creep down the hall phoned the manager. That's strange. I didn't realize I left it on. I climbed on the ledge and tried to disconnect the cable... but I couldn't get in. So I turned up my TV... so everyone would think both our TVs-- I'll see you later. I'll give you a call. I'm gonna have a shower. Are you troubled by strange noises in the middle of the night? Do you experience feelings of dread in your basement or attic? Have you or your family seen a spook, specter or ghost? If the answer is yes, don't wait. Call the professionals. Ghostbusters! Our courteous staff is on call 24 hours a day... to serve all your supernatural elimination needs. We're ready to believe you! You don't think it's too subtle? You don't think people are gonna drive down and not see the sign? You can't park that here. Relax. I found the car. Needs suspension work... and shocks and brakes-- brake pads, lining, steering box... transmission, rear end. - How much? - Only 4,800. Maybe new rings, mufflers, a little wiring. - Janine, any calls? - No. - Any messages? - No. Any customers? No, Dr. Venkman. Isn't it a good job? Type something. We're paying for this stuff. Don't stare at me. You got bug eyes. Sorry about the "bug eyes" thing. I'll be in my office. You're very handy. I can tell. I bet you like to read a lot too. Print is dead. That's fascinating. I read a lot. Some people think I'm too intellectual... but it's a fabulous way... to spend spare time. I also play racquetball. Do you have any hobbies? I collect spores, molds and fungus. Hello? Excuse me. This is the Ghostbusters' office? Yes, it is. Can I help you? I don't have an appointment. I'd like to talk to someone. I'm Peter Venkman. May I help you? I don't know. What I have to say may sound a little unusual. It's all we get around this place. Come into my office, Miss-- Barrett. Dana Barrett. And this voice said, "Zuul," and then I slammed the refrigerator door... and I left. That was two days ago, and I haven't been back. Generally, you don't see that kind of behavior in a major appliance. - What do you think it was? - If I knew, I wouldn't be here. She's telling the truth. At least she thinks she is. Of course I'm telling the truth. Who would make up a story like that? Some are people who want attention. Others are nutballs who come in off the street. It could be past life experience intruding on present time. Could be race memory... stored in the collective unconscious. I wouldn't rule out clairvoyance or telepathic contact either. I'm sorry. I don't believe in any of those things. That's all right. I don't either. But we have standard procedures which often bring us results. I could check out the structural details in the building. Maybe the building... has a history of psychic turbulence. I could look for "Zuul" in the usual literature. - "Spates Catalog." - "Tobin Spirit Guide." I'll take Miss Barrett back to her apartment and check her out. I'll go check out Miss Barrett's apartment. Okay? Thank you. Let me. If something's gonna happen, I want it to happen to me first. That's the closet. They hate this. I like to torture 'em. That's right, boys. It's Dr. Venkman. Lot of space. - Just you? - Yes. Good. What are you doing? It's technical. It's one of our little toys. I see. That's the bedroom, but nothing ever happened in there. What a crime. You don't act like a scientist. They're usually pretty stiff. You're more like a game show host. That's the kitchen? - Dana, are these the eggs? - Yes. I was over there, and these eggs jumped out of their shells... and started to cook on the counter. - That is weird. - That's when I heard... that awful noise coming from the refrigerator. You've come all this way. Would you like to check the refrigerator? Better check the fridge. Good call. Oh, my God. Look at all the junk food. - Goddamn it! This wasn't-- - You actually eat this stuff? There was nothing here. There was a space and a building with flames coming out of it... and there were creatures writhing around. They were growling and snarling. And there were flames, and I heard a voice say, "Zuul." - It was right here. - I'm sorry. - I'm not getting any reading. - Are you using that thing correctly? I think so... but I'm sure there are no animals in there. That's great. Either I have a monster in my kitchen or I'm completely crazy. I don't think you're crazy. That makes me feel so much better. Let me tell you something about myself. I come home from work, and all I have is my work. There's nothing else in my life. I meet you, and I say, "There's someone with the same problem I have." Yes, we both have the same problem. You. I'm gonna go for broke. I am madly in love with you. I don't believe this. Will you please leave? Then she threw me out of her life. She thought I was a creep, a geek, and she probably wasn't the first. You are so odd. I've got it! I'll prove myself to you. That's not necessary. I'll solve your little problem. Then you'll say, "Pete Venkman's a guy who can get things done." - Right. - "I wonder what makes him tick." "I wonder if he'd be interested in knowing what makes me tick." - Right. - You'll think about me after I'm gone. I bet I will. No kiss? To our first customer. To our first and only customer. I'm going to need petty cash. I should take her to dinner. We don't want to lose her. This magnificent feast here represents the last of the petty cash. Slow down. Chew your food. Hello, Ghostbusters. Yes, of course they're serious. You do? You have? No kidding. Just give me the address. Yes, of course. They'll be totally discreet. Thank you. We got one! It's a call! Come on! Anybody see a ghost? Thank you for coming so quickly. The guests are asking questions, and I'm running out of excuses. Has it happened before? Most of the original staff knows about the 12th floor. The disturbances, I mean. But it's been quiet for years, up until two weeks ago. It was never this bad, though. - Did you ever report it to anyone? - Heavens, no! The owners don't like us to even talk about it. I hope we could take care of this quietly. Tonight. Yes, sir. Don't worry. We handle this kind of thing all the time. What are you supposed to be? Some kind of a cosmonaut? No, we're exterminators. Somebody saw a cockroach up on 12. That's gotta be some cockroach. Bite your head off, man. Going up? I'll take the next one. It's just occurred to me... we haven't had a completely successful test of this equipment. - I blame myself. - So do I. No sense worrying about it now. Why worry? Each of us is wearing an unlicensed nuclear accelerator on his back. Let's get ready. Switch me on. What the hell are you doing? - Sorry. - Sorry. - I'm sorry. - We thought you were someone else. Successful test. I guess so. - I think we better split up. - Good idea. We can do more damage that way. What a disgusting blob! I'm gonna have to hold him myself. Come in, Ray. I saw it! It's right here. It's looking at me. Ugly little spud, isn't he? I think he can hear you. Don't move. It won't hurt you. Are you okay? He slimed me. That's great! Actual physical contact! Can you move? - Ray, come in, please. - I feel so funky. Spengler, I'm with Venkman. He got slimed! Great. Save some for me. Get down here right away. It went into a ballroom. We'll be right there. If you and your staff could please wait out here... we'll take care of everything. There it is. On the ceiling. That's the one that got me. All right, boys. Ready? Throw it! I did that! - That's my fault. - It's okay. The table broke the fall. There's something very important I forgot to tell you. - What? - Don't cross the streams. Why? It would be bad. I'm fuzzy on the good/bad thing. What do you mean, "bad"? Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously... and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light. Total protonic reversal. Right. That's bad. Important safety tip. Thanks, Egon. Ray, take the left. Egon, take the right. Ray, give me one high and outside. Hold it! Hold it! Nice shootin', Tex! There is no problem with the room. It will be ready as soon as your guests are with us. The last throw took something out of him. I need room for the trap. Give me some room. You'll excuse me, please? - We gotta get this in the clear. - Wait! Wait! I've always wanted to do this. The flowers are still standing! On my signal... Spengler, I want a confinement stream from you. Go! Hold him up there. He's gonna move. Go! - It's working. - Start bringing him down. Don't cross the streams. Maybe now you'll never slime a guy with a positron collider. Shorten your stream. I don't want my face burned off. I'm opening the trap. Don't look directly into it. I looked at the trap. Turn your streams off as soon as I close the trap. I'm closing it. Now! It's in there. That wasn't such a chore, was it? Quickly. I want that door open now! Stand over there. We came, we saw, we kicked its ass! Did you see it? We got it! What is it? Will there be more of them? What you had there is what we refer to as... a focused, non-terminal repeating phantasm... or a Class-5 full-roaming vapor. Real nasty one too. And now... let's talk seriously. For the entrapment... we're gonna have to ask you for $4,000. But we are having a special this week on proton charging... and storage of the beast... and that's only $1,000. Five thousand dollars? I had no idea it'd be so much. I won't pay it. We can just put it back. We certainly can. All right. Anything. Thanks so much. Hope we can help you again. Coming through! One Class-5 free-roaming vapor. Good morning. The Eastern Seaboard is alive with talk of incidents of paranormal activity. Alleged ghost sightings and related supernatural occurrences... have been reported across the entire tristate area. Everybody has heard ghost stories. My grandma used to spin yarns about a spectral locomotive... that would rocket past the farm where she grew up. If there's something strange in your neighborhood Who you gonna call Ghostbusters If there's something weird and it don't look good Who you gonna call Ghostbusters Stand aside, please. This is Larry King. The phone-in topic today: Ghosts and ghostbusting. The controversy builds. More sightings are reported. Some maintain that these professional paranormal eliminators are the cause. If you're seeing things running through your head Who can you call Ghostbusters An invisible man sleeping in your bed Who you gonna call Ghostbusters Still making headlines all across the country... the Ghostbusters are at it again. This time at the fashionable dance club The Rose. They slugged it out with a pesky poltergeist... then stayed on to dance the night away... with some of the lovely ladies who witnessed the disturbance. This is Casey Kasem. Now, on with the countdown. Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. No job is too big. No fee is too big. Is it just a mist, or does it have arms and legs? As they say in TV... there's one big question on everybody's mind... and I imagine you are the man to answer that. How is Elvis, and have you seen him lately? You've had a dose of a freaky ghost, baby You better call - Ghostbusters - Ow Do you believe in UFOs, astral projections... mental telepathy, ESP , clairvoyance... spirit photography, telekinetic movement... full-trance mediums, the Loch Ness monster... and the theory of Atlantis? If there's a steady paycheck in it, I'll believe anything you say. I need sleep. I'm dyin'. - You don't look good. - I don't? You've looked better. You didn't used to look like this. Can you hold, please? Here's the paper on the Brooklyn. She paid with Visa. Here's tonight's work sheet. Great. Two more free repeaters. This is Winston Zeddmore. He's here about the job. Beautiful. You're hired. Ray Stantz, Pete Venkman. - Congratulations. - Can you help me, please? Welcome aboard. I don't know where they get these guest conductors. Someone should tell him it won't do much good to scream at us in German. I don't think that the man is competent to conduct a major symphony orchestra. Could you wait here? Sure. Dr. Venkman, this is a surprise. - That was a wonderful rehearsal. - You heard that? - Yes. You're the best one in your row. - Thank you. You're good. Most people can't hear me with the whole orchestra playing. I don't have to take this abuse from you. I got hundreds of people dying to abuse me. You're a big celebrity now. You have information on my case? Who's the stiff? The "stiff" is one of the finest musicians in the world. Do you have some information for me? Sure, but I prefer to give it to you in private. - Tell me now. - I found the name "Zuul" for you. It refers to... a demigod worshipped around 6000 B.C. by the-- What's that word? Hittites. Mesopotamians and the Sumerians. "Zuul was the minion of Gozer." What's Gozer? Gozer was very big in Sumeria. What's he doing in my icebox? I'm working on that. If we could get together Thursday night at 9:00... we could exchange information. I can't see you Thursday. I'm busy. Miss Barrett, you seem to think there is something wrong up here... that says, "He enjoys taking his evenings off... and spending it with his clients." I'm making an exception in your case, because... I respect you. It's corny, but I respect you as an artist. And as a dresser. This is magnificent-- Okay, I'll see you Thursday. I'll bring the "Roylance Guide," and we'll eat and read. - Who the hell is that? - He's just an old friend. I'll see you Thursday. I'm sorry I didn't get to meet you, sir. I'm glad you're feeling better. You're still pale. - A little sun. - What does he do? He's a scientist. This is where we store all the vapors and entities and slimers that we trap. Very simple, really. Loaded trap here. Open. Unlock the system. Insert the trap. Release. Close. Lock the system. Set your entry grid, neutronize your field... and... the light is green, the trap is clean. The ghost is incarcerated here in our custom-made storage facility. There's a man from the E.P.A. waiting to see you in your office. What's he want? I don't know. I've been working two weeks without a break... and you promised me you'd hire more help. Janine, someone with your qualifications... would have no trouble finding a topflight job in either... the food service or housekeeping industries. You gonna answer that? I've quit better jobs than this. Ghostbusters! What do you want? Can I help you? I'm Walter Peck. I represent the Environmental Protection Agency, the third district. Great. How's it goin' down there? Are you Peter Venkman? Yes, I'm Dr. Venkman. Exactly what are you a doctor of, Mr. Venkman? I have Ph.D.s in parapsychology and psychology. I see. And now you catch ghosts. You could say that. How many ghosts have you caught? I can't say. And where do you put these ghosts... once you catch them? Into a storage facility. And would this storage facility be located on these premises? Yes. And may I see this storage facility? And why not, Mr. Venkman? Because you did not use the magic word. What is the magic word, Mr. Venkman? Please. May I please see the storage facility? Why do you want to see the storage facility? Because I'm curious. I want to know more about what you do here. There have been wild stories in the media. We want to assess any possible environmental impact... from your operation. For instance, the presence of noxious, possibly hazardous waste... chemicals in your basement. You either show me what is down there... or I come back with a court order. Go get a court order, and I'll sue your ass for wrongful prosecution. You can have it your way, Mr. Venkman. I'm worried. It's getting crowded in there. All my recent data points to something big on the horizon. "Big"? Let's say this Twinkie represents the normal amount... of psychokinetic energy in the New York area. According to this morning's sample, it would be a Twinkie... thirty-five feet long, weighing approximately 600 pounds. That's a big Twinkie. We could be on the verge of a fourf old cross rip-- a P.K.E. surge of incredible, even dangerous proportions. We just had a visit from the Environmental Protection Agency. - How's the grid holdin' up? - Not good. Tell him about the Twinkie. What about the Twinkie? - Dana, it's you. - Hello, Louis. You gotta come in here. You're missing a classic party. Yes, I would, but I have a date coming over. You made a date? Tonight? I'm sorry, Louis. I forgot. That's okay. You can bring him along. All right. Maybe we'll stop by. Okay? Great. I'll tell everybody you're coming. We're gonna play Twister, do some break dancing. Let me in! It's Louis! Somebody let me in! Hello? Oh, hi, Mom. I've been busy. No, everything is fine. Just that one time. I am. I will. I won't. I have to go. I have a date. No one you know. He's a Ghostbuster. Those guys on TV. Yes, I'll have to let you know. Love to Dad. Bye. Oh, shit. Do you have any Excedrin or extra-strength Tylenol? I think all I got is acetylsalicylic acid. Generic. I can get 600 tablets of that for the same price as 300 of a name brand. That makes good financial sense. Good advice. This is real smoked salmon from Nova Scotia, Canada. 24.95 a pound. Only cost me 14.12 after tax. I'm giving this whole thing as a promotional expense. That's why I invited clients instead of friends. Having a good time? How you doing? Have some Brie. It's at room temperature. You think it's too warm in here for the Brie? I'm going home. Don't leave yet. Maybe if we start dancing, others will join in. Don't move. I gotta get the door. Ted! Annette! I'm glad you could come. Give me your coats. Everybody, this is Ted and Annette Fleming. Ted has a small carpet cleaning business in receivership. Annette's drawing a salary from a deferred bonus from two years ago. They got 15,000 left on the house at 8%. So they're okay. Does anybody wanna play Parcheesi? Who brought the dog? Help! There's a bear loose in my apartment! Help! A bear in his apartment? I'm gonna bring this up at the next tenants' meeting. There are not supposed to be pets in the building. Let me in. It's locked. There's gotta be a way in here! Please, somebody! Let me in! Nice doggy. Cute little pooch. Maybe I got a Milk Bone. What happened? Some moron brought a cougar to a party, and it went berserk. Hi. I'm going up to Dana Barrett's. Okay? How do you spell that? "T-U-L-L-Y." - Is he still here? - No, he ran out. Hello. That's a different look for you, isn't it? Are you the Keymaster? Not that I know of. Are you the Keymaster? Yes. I'm a friend of his. He told me to meet him here. - I didn't get your name. - I am Zuul. I am the Gatekeeper. Oh. What are we doing today, Zuul? We must prepare for the coming of Gozer. Gozer, huh? The Destructor. Are we still going out? You could pick up the place if you're expecting someone. Do you want this body? Is this a trick question? I guess the roses worked, huh? Take me now, subcreature. We never talk anymore. Easy, easy. I make it a rule never to get involved... with possessed people. Actually, it's more of a guideline than a rule. You know, I can-- I want you inside me. Go ahead. No, I can't. Sounds like you've got at least two people in there already. Might be a little crowded. Why don't you just quit trying... to upset and disturb Dr. Venkman and relax? Lie down there. Relax. Put your hands on your chest. What I'd really like to do is talk to Dana. I want to talk to Dana. Dana? It's Peter. There is no Dana. There is only Zuul. Oh, Zuulie, you nut. Come on. Come on. I want to talk to Dana. Just relax. Come on. Dana. Dana. Can I talk to Dana? There is no Dana, only Zuul. What a lovely singing voice you must have. I'm going to count to three, Zuulie, and if I don't talk to Dana... there's going to be some real trouble in this apartment. One. Two. Two and a half. Please, come down. I am the Keymaster. The Destructor is coming. Gozer, the Traveller, the Destroyer. Gatekeeper. I am Vinz... Vinz Clortho, Keymaster of Gozer... Volguus, Zildrohar Lord of the Sebouillia. Are you the Gatekeeper? He pulls the wagon. I make the deals. Want a ride? Wait for the sign. Then all prisoners will be released. You will perish in flame! What an asshole. Dropping off or picking up? Dropping off. Just a moment. - You a Ghostbuster? - Yes. We picked up this guy. We don't know what to do with him. Bellevue doesn't want him, and I'm afraid to put him in lockup. I know you're into this stuff, so I figured we'd check with you. All right. Are you the Gatekeeper? You better bring him inside. You are so kind to take care of that man. You're a real humanitarian. I don't think he's human. What did you say your name was? Vinz Clortho, Keymaster of Gozer. According to this, his name's Louis Tully. Lives on Central Park West. Do you want some coffee, Mr. Tully? - Do I? - Yes, have some. Yes, have some. Vinz, you said before you were waiting for a sign. What sign? Gozer the Traveller. He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldronaii, he came as a large Torb! During the third reconciliation of the last Meketrex supplicants... they chose a new form for him, that of a giant Sloar! Many Shubs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted... in the depths of the Sloar that day, I can tell you. Egon? Excuse me. There's something very strange about that man. Listen, I'm usually very psychic... and I have a terrible feeling that something awful's going to happen. I'm afraid you'll die. I'll get it. - Hello? - Egon, it's Peter. Thanks. I've got it. I have news from the world of Gozer. What is it, Peter? I'm here with Dana Barrett. It seems the Goz has been putting some moves on my would-be girlfriend. How is she? I think we can get her a guest shot on "Wild Kingdom." I just whacked her up with 300 cc's of Thorazine. She's going to take a little nap, but she says she's the Gatekeeper. - Does that make any sense? - Some. I just met the Keymaster. He's with me now. Wonderful. We have to get these two together. I think that would be extraordinarily dangerous. Okay, hold on to him. I'll be there in a while. Good. Thank you, Vinz. We have to find Ray. I need him here immediately. Bad news, honey. I gotta go to work. Will you stay here in bed until I get back? Hey, Ray. - Do you believe in God? - Never met him. Yeah, well, I do. And I love Jesus' style, you know? This roof cap is made of a magnesium-tungsten alloy. What are you so involved with there? The blueprints for the ironwork in Dana Barrett's apartment building... and they're very, very strange. Hey, Ray. Do you remember something in the Bible about... the last days when the dead would rise from the grave? I remember Revelations 7:12. "And I looked as he opened the sixth seal... and behold, there was a great earthquake; and the sun became as black as sackcloth... and the moon became as blood." "And the seas boiled, and the skies fell." - Judgment Day. - Judgment Day. Every ancient religion has its own myth about the end of the world. Myth! Ray, has it ever occurred to you... that maybe the reason we've been so busy lately... is because the dead have been rising from the grave. How about a little music? Yeah. This way. Excuse me. Excuse me! Just where do you think you're going? Step aside, or I'll have you arrested for interfering-- Oh, no! Hold on. I've seen TV. You can't come in here without a warrant or something. Cease and desist order, seizure of chattels... ban on the use of public utilities for nonlicensed waste handlers... and a federal entry and inspection order. Vinz, there's one more test I'd like to perform. Egon! I tried to stop them. He says they have a warrant. This is private property. Shut this off. Shut these all off. I'm warning you. Turning these off would be extremely hazardous. Hazardous? You're facing federal prosecution for at least six violations. Either you shut it off, or we shut it off for you. Try to understand. It's a high-voltage, laser containment system. Simply turning it off would be like dropping a bomb on the city. Don't patronize me! I'm not grotesquely stupid like the people you bilk. At ease. I'm Peter Venkman. There's been a slight misunderstanding. I want to cooperate in any way. Forget it, Venkman. You had your chance, but you thought it would be more fun to insult me. My turn, wiseass. He wants to shut down the protection grid. You shut it down, and we will not be held responsible. On the contrary, you will be held responsible. - No, we won't. - Shut it off! Don't shut it off. I'm warning you. I've never seen anything like this. I don't know-- I'm not interested in your opinion. Just shut it off. - My friend, don't be a jerk. - Step aside. You can shoot him. Do your job, pencil neck. Don't tell me how to do mine. - Thank you. - Shut it off! Oh, shit. Clear the building! This is it. This is the sign. Yeah, it's a sign all right... "Going Out of Business." There he is! Up there! What happened? Storage facility blew. He shut off the protection grid. - Oh, great. - That's bad, isn't it? - Yeah. - Where's the Keymaster? - Shit! - Who's the Keymaster? Hold it! I want this man arrested. These men are in violation of the Environmental Protection Act! This explosion is a direct result. - Your mother could-- - Hold it! Columbia Building, 57th Street. I'm in a hurry, so let's not dawdle. Hey, guard! I want to make a phone call. I just work with these guys. I wasn't even there! The structure of this roof cap is exactly like... the kind of telemetry tracker that NASA uses... to identify dead pulsars in deep space. Cold-riveted girders... with cores of pure selenium. Everybody getting this so far? So what? They don't make them like they used to. No! Nobody ever made them like this. The architect was either a certified genius or an authentic wacko. Ray... for a moment... pretend that I don't know anything about... metallurgy, engineering or physics... and just tell me what the hell is going on. You never studied. The whole building is... a huge, superconductive antenna... that was designed and built expressly for the purpose... of pulling in and concentrating spiritual turbulence. Your girlfriend lives... in the corner penthouse of Spook Central. She's not my girlfriend. I find her interesting because she's a client and sleeps above her covers. Four feet above. She barks. She drools. She claws. It's not the girl, Peter. It's the building. Something terrible is about to enter our world... and this building is obviously the door. The architect's name was Ivo Shandor. I found it in "Tobin's Spirit Guide." He was also a doctor. Performed a lot of unnecessary surgery. Then in 1920, he started a secret society. Let me guess. - Gozer worshipers. - Right. No studying. After World War l, Shandor decided society was too sick to survive. He wasn't alone. He had close to 1,000 followers when he died. They conducted rituals up on the roof. Bizarre rituals intended to bring about the end of the world... and now it looks like it may actually happen. So be good for goodness sake - Somebody's coming - We have to get out. We have to find a judge or something. Wait a minute! Hey! Hold it! We're actually going to go before a federal judge... and say that some moldy Babylonian god... will drop into Central Park West and start tearing up the city? - Sumerian, not Babylonian. - Big difference. No offense, but I got to get my own lawyer. Okay, Ghostbusters, the mayor wants to see you guys. The whole island's going crazy. Let's go. I've got to split. The mayor wants to rap with me. I am the Keymaster. I am the Gatekeeper. Get back. Stay back. - Stay back. - Let's go. I've got a city blowing up, and you're not giving me answers. We're blocking the bridges, the roads. What are we going to do? The Ghostbusters are here, Mr. Mayor. Ghostbusters. Okay, the Ghostbusters. Hey, where's this Peck? Hey! I am Walter Peck, sir, and I'm prepared to make a full report. These men are consummate snowball artists. They use sense and nerve gases to induce hallucinations. People think they're seeing ghosts. And they call these bozos who conveniently show up... to deal with the problem with a fake, electronic light show. Everything was fine until the power grid was shut off by Dickless. They caused an explosion. Is this true? Yes, it's true. This man has no dick. Break it up. Come on. - All right. - That's what I heard. This is City Hall. What am I going to do, John? What is this? All I know is that was no light show we saw this morning. I've seen every form of combustion known to man... but this beats the hell out of me. The walls in the 53rd precinct were bleeding. - How do you explain that? - Good afternoon, gentlemen. Oh, Your Eminence. How are you, Lenny? You're looking good, Mike. We're in a real fix here. What do you think I should do? Lenny, officially the church will not take any position... on the religious implications of these phenomena. Personally, Lenny... I think it's a sign from God. But don't quote me on that. I think that's a smart move, Mike. I won't call a press conference and tell everyone to start praying. I'm Winston Zeddmore, Your Honor. I've only been with the company for a couple weeks... but I gotta tell you, these things are real. Since I joined these men, I've seen shit that'll turn you white. You can believe Mr. Pecker-- My name is "Peck." ...or you could accept the fact that this city... is headed for a disaster of Biblical proportions. "Biblical"? He means Old Testament, Mr. Mayor. - Real wrath-of-God-type stuff. - Exactly. Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies. - Rivers and seas boiling. - Forty years of darkness! - Earthquakes, volcanoes! - The dead rising from the grave. Human sacrifice! Dogs and cats living together. Mass hysteria! Enough! I get the point. What if you're wrong? If I'm wrong, nothing happens! We go to jail. Peacefully, quietly. We'll enjoy it. But if I'm right... and we can stop this thing... Lenny... you will have saved the lives... of millions of registered voters. I don't believe you're seriously considering listening to these men. Get him out of here. Bye. I'll fix you, Venkman. I'm getting you a nice fruit basket. I'll miss him. We got work to do. What do you need from me? Come on! Let's run some red lights! Hello, New York! Dr. Ray Stantz, the heart of the Ghostbusters. Thank you. They love you here. - I like that shirt, friend. - Ghostbusters, all right! Gotta run. Got a date with a ghost. Okay, whatever happens, let's be professionals. Go get 'em! We might have to put in some overtime on this one. There they are. - There they are! - He's okay. I was in no way prepared for that. It's all right. Don't worry. We're fine. We can handle it. They want to play rough. Ghostbusters! Ghostbusters! Want to play rough? Let's do it! Where are we? Looks like we're in the teens somewhere. When we get to twenty, tell me. I'm gonna throw up. Twenty-two. Is this it? Yep. - Art deco, very nice. - Where is it? It's at the end of the hall. Where do these stairs go? They go up. Okay, go ahead. Come on. Fine. Go ahead. Dana! Okay, so... she's a dog. It's a girl. - It's Gozer. - I thought Gozer was a man. It's whatever it wants to be. Whatever it is, it's got to get by us. Right. Go, get her, Ray! Gozer the Gozerian? Good evening. As a duly designated representative of the City... County and State of New York... I order you to cease any and all supernatural activity... and return to your place of origin or the nearest parallel dimension. That ought to do it. Thanks, Ray. Are you a god? No. Then... die! Ray, when someone asks you if you're a god... you say, "Yes!" All right. This chick is toast! - Got your stick? - Holding it! - Heat 'em up! - Smoking! - Make 'em hard! - Ready! Let's show this prehistoric bitch how we do things downtown. Throw it! - Nimble, little minx, isn't she? - We better go full stream. Aim for the flattop! Wasn't so hard. We neutronized it. You know what that means? A complete particle reversal. We had the tools. We had the talent. It's Miller time. Ray, this looks extraordinarily bad. Oh, no. What? Look out! Subcreatures! Gozer the Gozerian, Gozer the Destructor... Volguus, Zildrohar, the Traveller has come. Choose and perish. What do you mean, "choose"? We don't understand. Choose. Choose the form of the destructor. Oh, I get it. I get it. Very cute. Whatever we think of. If we think of J. Edgar Hoover... J. Edgar Hoover will appear and destroy us. Empty your heads. Don't think of anything. We've only got one shot at this. The choice is made. The Traveller has come. Nobody choosed anything! - Did you choose anything? - No. - Did you? - My mind is blank. I didn't choose anything! I couldn't help it. It just popped in there. What? What just popped in there? I tried to think-- Look! No! It can't be. - What is it? - It can't be. - What did you do, Ray? - Oh, shit. It's the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. There's something you don't see everyday. I tried to think of the most harmless thing. Something I loved from my childhood. Something that could never possibly destroy us. Mr. Stay Puft. Nice thinking, Ray. We used to roast Stay Puft marshmallows... by the fire at Camp Waconda. Ray has gone bye-bye, Egon. What have you got left? Sorry, Venkman. I'm terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought. - Oh, no. - Mother puss bucket! Nobody steps on a church in my town! One, two, three, roast him! Funny us going out like this. Killed by a 100-foot marshmallow man. We've been doing this all wrong. This Mr. Stay Puft is okay. He's a sailor in New York. We get him laid, we won't have any trouble. I have a radical idea. The door swings both ways. We could reverse the particle flow through the gate. How? We'll cross the streams. Excuse me, Egon. You said crossing the streams was bad. Cross the streams. You're going to endanger us and our client... the nice lady who paid us in advance before she became a dog. Not necessarily. There's definitely a very slim chance we'll survive. I love this plan. I'm excited to be a part of it. Let's do it! This job is definitely not worth eleven-five a year. Hurry! See you on the other side, Ray. Nice working with you. Turn them on, Spengler! Cross them now! Get the hell out of here! Are you all right? Venkman? Spengler! Venkman! Spengler! Oh, Spengler. Are you okay? I feel like the floor of a taxicab. - Venky! - Yeah, where are you? Oh, thank God. - You okay? - I'm all right. - You all right? - I'm all right. - You okay? - Fine. Smells like barbecued dog hair. Oh! Venkman. Oh, Venkman, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just forgot. Look! Somebody turn on the lights! - Help! - Go check on that little guy. What happened? Where am I? Oh, hi. You'll be all right. Boy, the superintendent's gonna be pissed. Are you okay? Who are you guys? We're the Ghostbusters. Who does your taxes? You know, Mr. Tully, you are a most fortunate individual. I know. You were a participant in the biggest interdimensional cross rip... since the Tunguska blast of 1909. Felt great. We'd like to get a sample of your brain tissue. Okay. I love this town! What's going on? Does anybody want to interview me? I'm an eyewitness. I was up there. I want to go with them in the car. Subtitles by Captions, Inc. Los Angeles |
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