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What happened to her? The Viet Cong... ...came after Americans, killed so many of them in a fight. They were angry. Traitor! Traitor! Your Uncle Luc told him to stop. He yelled: ''How can a woman who sends two sons to die for the revolution... ''...betray her country? ''How can you accuse her of treason?'' Tell her to keep her mouth shut. I never should have left. I should have stayed to fight them all: the Viet Cong... ...the government. What am I now, Papa? Not a warrior woman. Not a Phung. Just a tramp, begging in the streets. So ashamed. Don't be ashamed. You did the best you could. Listen to me. You were born to be a wonderful wife... ...and a mother. Not a killer. Don't ask what's right or wrong. These questions are very dangerous. Right is only the goodness you carry in your heart. Love for your ancestors, for your family. Wrong is all that comes between you and that love. Go back to your son. Make him the best son you can. That is the war you must fight. That is the victory you must win. Quick. Before they see you and talk. My little peach blossom... ...what will you do without me? My father died soon after. He drank acid and died on the ground he loved. My father taught me life is simple and compassion follows. He taught me by forgiving me for being unwed and taking my child to his heart. I bought my father the best funeral he could have. We mourned him 100 days. A year passed. I worked at the Korean commissary serving drinks for tips. The war got worse, and the Americans became part of our landscape... ...part of us. I want you to meet Steve. He's a sergeant. Look, he wants to meet a nice Vietnamese girl. Give me the rest of the money. Wait! Wait a minute! Right there. Yes, I know her. There she is. She's come back. Money, money. Sorry, my friend no take no for answer. She's scared you take back money. You chase her. Not my fault. Sorry. You want something else? I told you, I no want to be your girlfriend. You want girl, you go see hooker. Don't bother me. I'm too old for hookers. I just wanted to meet you. I don't care about the money. Your friend introduced us. That's all I wanted. Since I've gone to all this trouble... ...you think it'd be all right if I just came in... ...talked to you for a few moments? Just talk. Please? Just a moment. Please? Okay. One minute. I leave door open. You bad guy, one funny move... ...I call MP. They right there. I good girl. Okay. I go to work. Thank you for coming. I hope you happy staying in Danang. -I'll wait for you. -No. I go long time. I work in Korean casino. Serve booze. Hostess. That's okay. I have no place to go. I gave most of my money to your friend and I can't afford a taxi out of here. I'm tired from our little race. Okay. You can stay. But not too long. When you go... ...Iock door, please. -Maybe we can have dinner later. -No. I have dinner. Not possible. No problem. Nice meeting you. Lock door when you go. I hope you don't mind if I stretched out for a while. You're still here? You said I could rest. And I wanted to take you to dinner to thank you... ...for your hospitality. You don't understand. I no want go dinner. Then we'll just go... ...for a walk or a drink. It doesn't matter to me. I want you didi. You nice man... ...but I no want boyfriend. You have one? No, no boyfriend. Me had boyfriend. But me no want new boyfriend. I'm sorry. It sounds like he hurt you. Pardon? You want money for taxi? -I'm perfectly content right here. -I know. I know you want to stay here, but this my house. You want woman, I call siclo. I'm not interested in prostitutes. I'm interested in you. Is this your little brother? Is this handsome boy your relative? My son. Of course he is. He looks just like you. Lot of spirit around the eyes. Steve. That your name? I sorry I not very nice to you. You want some tea? The fat girl is my sister. And this is Mom's eight dogs. She has the eight ugliest dogs in the United States. I think I better leave you alone. Too much rain. No taxi. You stay until no more rain. You sure? Oh, God, I'm sorry. -I'm sorry. -It's okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. What's this? Just few things for you and your family. We're going to have Christmas all over again. No. Steve, please. You do not this. -You cannot! -Sure, I can. I'm not very good with words. Even if I could speak your language, I don't think I could tell you how I feel. I want peace and happiness. I just want to be with you, and help you and your little boy. And your mom. Anything wrong with that? I no want be your girlfriend, Steve. I no want boyfriend. Me and men... ...we have bad karma. You understand? Bad karma. How much bad could have happened to a little girl like you? You no ask. Goodbye. You nice man. You find better girl. Now wait a minute. Hold on. I know all about karma. My karma has taken me all over this world all my life... ...living out of a duffle bag. That's why I'm here. It's time to settle down, quit pretending I'll live forever. I'm going home... ...to San Diego. I got a house... ...and family there. I want you to be there with me. You'll be safe. You'll be free. Your little boy will have his freedom... ...and an education. My first wife taught me a real lesson in my life. I'm serious. I need a good Oriental woman. Like you. If you'll have me... ...I want you to be my wife. Three years passed. No, that's Tommy. And we're going to change ''Hung'' to ''Jimmy.'' We moved to the Central Highlands with Steve's new job. Steve loved our new son Tommy as if his life had started again. When you come to California... ...to visit my mama, we'll take you to Disneyland... ...in those pajamas. Mama missed Papa too much... ...and seemed to be living between this world and the next. Your papa wanted you to stay on the land. I can't. It's the past. Who will care for the land? I'm old. Maybe Bon will come back. I know he will. America, Mama. In America I can save the children. The South is dying. Steve says... ...it'll fall faster than anyone thinks. His mother and sister are near San Diego and he'll leave the Army for a good job. He loves me. I love him. You love him? He's good, Mama. He loves the children. Americans are thu vo thuy vo chung. They have no beginning and no end. They don't care about their ancestors. So they think they are free to do any bad thing they want. You will not be happy with this man. Your father's spirit will not rest... ...till his most-Ioved child sleeps in his house. -Where are we going? -Just don't separate! -What happened? -They overran the base! NVA! Get over here! Don't separate! Come on! -Come on! Get everybody! -Wait! Jimmy! It's all right! -Wait! Our things! -There's no time! Get up there! Take that, okay? Goodbye. We've got to go! Get the fuck out of here! -This is the end of the line. -But Saigon! -You're getting out of here. -You say you take us Saigon! No, come on! Go! You son-of-a-bitch! Fuck you! Get out of here! My family was now blown to the four winds. But on the road out of Qui Nhon I realized I was not alone. My whole country was collapsing. Be calm. Butler! Butler! Steven J.? I'm sorry. He's listed as missing in action. You'll have to come back tomorrow. Ticket, American plane, $2,000. You come with me, American man give beaucoup greenback. For dollars. I got 10,000 piastres. Look! It's Daddy! It was everything I dreamed of. America. Big skies, and giant people crushed me in their arms. And best of all was my husband, Steve Butler. Marine Sergeant Butler. Here it is. The dream begins. In his big craggy face was everything... ...I loved about America. Played football with the guy that lived in that house. My first girlfriend's house. She was a real dog. You make me happy. You make me very happy. He's here! They're early! She's so cute. Like a little China doll. I just want to hug you to pieces! And the kids! I'll just eat you up! Hi, honey! Home port. Lock and load! There's Ma. -My baby! -How are you? You can sure tell which is Steve's. That's Le Ly. Hello. I'm so happy to meet you, honey. The boys. Come on in. Look at this! Not bad, huh? It's ranch-style. We'll be here for a little while. But soon we'll get our own place. When you'd get back? Last night, we got a C-130 out of-- -How was the flight? -Long, you know. Was it terrible there? We don't want to talk about that now. We'll talk about that later. I've got steak and baked potatoes all planned, sweetie... ...just like you like it. And chocolate ice cream. Do you eat that too? Please, I prepare some tea if you show me kitchen. No, I'm supposed to do that. You're the guest. This way. You hungry, Ly? You mind if I call you Ly for short? For dinner we have... ...steak, potatoes... ...peas. For dessert: strawberries. We'll have you back to normal in no time. The meat'll take more work, but we've got that under control. Magic. ''Bless us, O Lord, for these gifts which we are about to receive. ''In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost. Amen.'' Were the bugs bad? -What about drugs? -Some guys got involved... ...some guys didn't. My Steve wouldn't do anything bad. No way. Johnny got killed. Le Ly, you got such pretty hair. Then we got another R and R in Australia. You should see those beaches. -Was the money as good as they say? -$14,000... ...I socked away. Combat pay, no tax, overseas pay, the best. I'd go for another year, if I could. I guess it's over, though. Beverly's been calling. I'm sure she wants it all, too. Three more years. Then I'm in fat city. How are the kids? Great. You must call them. John's having trouble in school. Jerry-- I'll do it, okay? Can we just relax here? I'm sure Lee Lay's really jet-lagged out. Aren't you, honey? You drank too much. You forgot my name. I'm sorry, Le Ly. Steve was always slow in school. Just think of it as a Saigon taxi. Just a rental. My personal car's in the shop. You know I understand about money. You in Marines a long time... ...but you live with your mother. The problem is Beverly. She gets half my paycheck. Plus child support and she's still pissed. I'm in debt to the credit union... ...for the loan they made me in '67. I'm practically bankrupt. I got three more years, I'll get out with a good pension. Then I have a good job waiting for me. Big bucks. Just you and me. We're going to be back in the Far East. Indonesia. Singapore. I'll be making $65,000 a year, guaranteed. Promised to me. What's this job? I can't tell you. Not yet. It's confidential. But I guarantee it'll work out. We need to go back to Aisle 3 where that cute guy is. -He'd make a cute snack. -Yeah, what buns on him! Pick one. Uncle Ben, I think. Uncle trusted man. We're not feeding the village. Bernice doesn't even like this stuff. This is America, baby. Store stays open 24 hours. You don't need money in America. You just give this piece of paper to the bank and the bank pays. They don't get it. I do. We'll lick them together. We'll lick them together. Thank you, Lord, for watching over us all this year... ...and for these things for which we are grateful. I met her on a Danang street corner. Her girlfriend tried to rip me off. I had one like that in Okinawa. She had thighs as plump as that turkey, cracked coconuts with them. Wait, it's not what you think. I chased her like a starving ARVN hunting for a grain of rice. Horseshit. Don't run off with your dirty mind. Don't get a headache. You and me are peas in a pod. Oriental women... ...will tell you anything you want to hear. But if you believe it, I'll be the first to salute you. What are you saying? Oriental women are very loyal. Have a drink. All I'm trying to say is, more power to you, buddy. Come on, Ly, it's Thanksgiving. You can eat. Think of the starving children in Vietnam. Leave her alone. She always eats like a sparrow. Rice and fish, fish and rice... ...that's all the kids ever get. They're starving for meat and potatoes. Give her a break. She can't eat for her whole damn country. I want her to know we're being generous. I want her to be grateful. Grateful. Let me tell you about grateful. We'd go to villages and the first thing old men and women would say to us was: ''Please, sir, don't kill me.'' In Danang, we'd drive past hospitals... ...past people our bombs had blown to bits. And they'd wave. Boys and girls with no arms, no legs... ...waving at us like tourist going to the beach. Why? Because they're happy to be alive and glad to see us. We put them where they were. And there's 20 of them dead or mutilated for every one of us. So don't expect Ly to do handstands over your turkey. She knows exactly what she's got and what she's left behind. -Well, excuse me, baby brother. -Steve is right. I'm sorry, Mrs. Butler. Goddamn. It's time the kids slept in their own bed. They more loving when they stay with us. Who's going to protect them from evil spirits? Look, it ain't Vietnam in this bedroom. It's California. How can I even see you across all these bodies? Kids sleep alone. Makes them more independent. You Le Ly's hero. Tonight, you protect Le Ly. You good man. Just too much whiskey. I want to go work. I want make money. I want get out of here. I think your family like their dogs better than our boys. What will you do, anyway? Work factory. Restaurant. There's plenty Oriental restaurant growing here. I'd like to go back to Vietnam. Make a bundle. I'll tell you the truth, I kind of miss it, in a way. What's this job they want you to do for so much money? It's just between you and me, okay? Government has rules about what jobs you can do after what I've done. What job? It's arms. Selling arms. -I don't understand. -You know, guns? I sell guns. You joking? What do you think I did the last 1 7 years? What do you think military advisors do? I go into countries the US helps and teach them... ...how to use the weapons our corporation sell. How can you sell guns to governments that blow up women and children? You know that if we didn't sell these weapons... ...the Communists would. Guns! Communists! Is that all Americans think about? It's the only thing I know how to do. At least I'll make more money doing it. Do you ever listen to anything I tell you? Oh, shit. -You mean the Buddhist stuff?. -No, not just that! I mean, my family, my life. We don't know anything about each other, Steve. You lied to me in Vietnam. No, it wasn't a lie... ...exactly. It was a white lie. A good lie. Baby, don't do this. Please. I love you, darling. Much against Steve's wishes, I found a job... ...working in a circuit board factory. I know the girls well... ...so I borrowed $5,000. I need $10,000... ...to open a little deli in an immigrant neighborhood. We Vietnamese never trust in bank. Loan money to each other. Can I borrow some money? I think I'll make $1,400 profit a month. I didn't tell Steve. He'd be angry. He didn't like my starting a business... ...of my own. Those cost me $5,000 in Vietnam. Take it back to Vietnam. I'm opening a restaurant. I'll be back. Steve want to give me money, control me. But I used to working, having my own money. But in America, he want me to be housewife. So I wear two hats. I'm lucky? What do you mean? You told me two years! We had an agreement! Not one! Two years, not $10,000. $20,000! I don't think so! I put in air conditioner! I clean electric wiring! I remodel! I put up shelves! I should pay $10,000 for two years and you know it! When I tell Steve, we have a big fight, then more fights. Hung, now Jimmy... ...break my heart when he refused to speak Vietnamese with me... ...as did Tommy and our new son, Alan. In school, because of the war, they said they were Mexican. I won't sign it. Fine. No sign. I was starting to behave like an American... ...yelling back at my husband, frowns, scowls. And all the time you spend at the temple! Steve was drinking more... ...and seemed unhappy with his job at the Marine base. Buddha don't know shit! There was another side to Steve now I had not seen before. He speak angry words now. All blood and thunder words. She's a bitch. What do you want me to say? She wants more! No reason. Money goes like water around here. I got five kids... ...including your bastard. The Marine Corps owns my body and my soul. I got nothing of my own! Then why use $400 on two more guns? Still bitching about money? That's the gook in you. You have no right to call me that! These guns are valuable. I can sell them for twice what I got in them. One day they could be the only thing between you and death. Death? Death from who? You the only person who waves gun around here... ...who drinks and shoots. I don't need you to tell me what to do! They're my sons, too... ...and I'll take them up to the mountain, teach them to hunt and shoot! They'll learn to survive. No way, buddy! You will not teach my sons to shoot! I see too many guns in my life. Killing no way to protect anything! I don't want guns in my house! No more. You want them, you get out! Fuck you... ...you lying little bitch! Don't tell me to go. I read your letter. What letter? The one from your dink lover. I saw it in your purse. Anh? You went through my things? What's he writing you in Vietnamese about? Does he want you back? No. He asked about Jimmy. I send him pictures... ...answer his questions. -That's all. -Bullshit! Lying bitch! One time, I think I love you. But I see now we're too different inside to be soul mates. No more mistake now. Not with children so young. Are you saying you want a divorce? Is that it? One thing I learn. In a marriage there's no such thing as one person happy. One miserable, both miserable. That the way life works. Oh, no, baby. That is the way life works! Oh, my God! I felt my soul would go then, any moment. God is not cruel... ...just practical. In this life... ...sometimes, against all knowledge... ...we're paying back for a lot of bad past lives. I can't. I can't live without you! They got me so tied up. Who's doing this to you? The Marine Corps. I'm not going to get the civilian job I promised you. I'm up for an Admin Board, and they're going to kick me out. You don't know the half of it. You don't. Tell me. You must tell me all. You'll feel better. I'm a killer. I killed so many over there. I got so good at it... ...they assigned me to the projects. Black Ops. We killed sometimes three or four a night. All kinds. Rice farmers. Rich fat cats bankrolling the VC. It was a complete mind fuck. Psy Ops, knives, rip a man's guts out... ...drop his liver on his chest so he won't get to Buddha heaven. Leave him lying on the road. Cut his nuts off... ...stuff them in his mouth, sew up his lips, leave him lying in bed. Blame the VC. I didn't care. Drugs, running guns, slavery. You name it. One time this guy killed a gook girl I was... ...shacking with. We weren't supposed to fraternize with any Viet nationalists... ...so they killed her. Cut her throat from ear to ear. I was in hell, baby. I was in pure... ...hell. And maybe I went dinky dau over there. Maybe I am nuts. Who the fuck knows? The more I killed, the more they gave me to kill. You know what it's like? It's like being eaten alive... ...by sharks. You must keep hitting, you must keep moving... ...because if you stop... ...the sharks will eat you alive. One day, they cut me off. Then one day I found you. And it all changed, I thought. But, baby, nothing ever changes. So fuck me, right? It's okay. What's going to happen to me? I'm scared to death. I don't know. I, too, was a soldier in past lives. I hurt many people. I lied, I stealed... ...I hate. Now I pay. Soldiers try to kill my life. Long time, I have no man love me. No respect. It's my fate. We're the same, Steve. We have made bad karma. And our soul debt will come due, if not in this life... ...then in another. But we can't give up. We must try. Different skin... ...same suffering. Can you love me? Can you really love me? Oh, my baby! But the fights continued and continued. Finally I went to see a lawyer. In my heart, I thought I did not belong in this country. I thought of going home again. He's not supposed to take furniture. Call your lawyer. It's okay, Sharon. Let him. That's what a divorce is about. That's when you divide everything. -Not now. -Please. Let him go. Eat up. -What are you doing here? -It's Sunday. -Came to take the kids to Mass. -I don't think so. Get the hell out of the way! Jimmy, come! -What are you doing? -I'm going, too. No, you're not! You're staying right here and fix lunch! Le Ly, good to see you. It's been far too long. This is Steve. How's Alan? Tommy? -Fine. You want to see them again? -Of course! I'm worried sick! The police want you. Fuck them. Do exactly what I tell you. What do you want? Write a letter to your bitch lawyer, dropping the charges against me. Tell her you want the house and our stuff put in my name... ...and you're dropping the divorce. You listening? Yes, I'm listening. Get the letter notarized. Take it to Father Bob. I'll call him. Do it or you'll be sorry. Of course, you'll get the letter. Just don't hurt them. They're ours. They have our lives in them. Just get that letter. My boys. I birthed them with pain. I chewed their food for them. I am shocked. I am insulted at the insolence of men. They don't respect women. I cannot believe such men have known a mother's love. If I show you a tiny baby killed by a bayonet... ...and say it is his karma... ...we may cry for the baby... ...for his karma and the bad karma of the soldier who killed it. But we must never use our emotion... ...to deny the wheel of incarnation that caused the act. It is as natural... ...as the movement of the sun... ...and moon. Master... ...how can I tell him we must be friends and soul mates... ...without being husband and wife? He has created much soul debt for himself. But if you fail to give him the opportunity... ...to redeem himself... ...you will only increase you own soul debt. The man-hate... ...that blinds you... ...will blind any man you find in a future life. If you turn Steve away... ...you will be rejecting your own redemption. Child... ...you have forgiven the man who raped you... ...destroyed your country... ...harmed your family. This is how it should be. Your karma is mixed with Steve, to Tommy and Alan. The future... ...the past... ...are all the same. If you divorce... ...you will only have to come back and work it out again. The path to Nirvana is never being safe... ...but tricky and steep. And if you walk only on sunny days... ...you'll never reach your destination. Choose well... ...my peach blossom. A child without a father... ...is like a house without a roof. Listen carefully. My sister Kim had come to America and married one of Steve's military friends. Steve and the two boys are here now. They're drinking. He's getting ready to take them to Canada. The boys are upset. They don't want to stay with Steve. Fine, next Tuesday. -Whatever you want. -Put Steve on. I must speak to him. Here. It's for you. Here. Let go. Please, I know you hate me. But I don't hate you. Let me help you. Let me try. I feel your pain. You come back home. No police. Just you, me and the children. We make this right. I'll go to your church. I'll try harder. I'll put the shrine away. I love you, Steve. I love the man I saw in Vietnam. I'll find you again. He's still there, Steve. I still love you. Steve, please. -You can't go in. -My children. -They're all right! Steve-- -What? He killed himself. The spirits are here. Oh, this is marvelous. Your husband is here. He is a little shy. He doesn't want to come into the house. He's not used to this new world. He's in much pain. But he forgive you. He ask for you... ...to take his soul into the Buddhist temple. He say: ''Place me in the temple.'' As he finds peace... ...so will your family and your children find peace. That's it. Are you sure that was Steve? He was such a strong Christian. Trust me. He change a lot. And, by the way... ...this house. Have to leave. No good. Your front door faces your back door. Everything that come into your life the front way, will go out the back. Men... ...money... ...happiness... ...everything. Move fast! It was 13 years after the war that I first returned to Vietnam... ...to the spirit of my father... ...to my sisters and brother, Bon... ...who had survived the war... ...and to my mother, who I had not spoken to in years. An ocean had come between us. I feared it would be the last time for my sons to see her. I had prospered in America. Yes. I buy and rent houses, became part in a restaurant... ...working all the time, losing touch as a mother. Affairs with different men, none of whom touched my heart. Stopping in old Saigon first... ...now Ho Chi Minh City... ...my heart trembled with anticipation as I took Jimmy to see his father... ...who, as a teenage girl, I'd fallen madly in love with... ...twenty years before. Had he changed? Don't start that again. You look healthy. You're a ghost. I don't see you. I don't know where you are. How is your sister Kim? Fine. Fine. Your grandsons. My boys. Jimmy is Hung. Tommy is Chau. Alan. Born in America. What'd she say? She says you're giant. She can't believe your size. You used to scratch your back... ...on the wooden post in our house. -Look at her teeth! -Stop that. Brother. Take one. Be polite. I'm sorry. I can't. Don't spoil a good time. My oldest son and my youngest daughter are back with me. My two halves on either side. We share the same mother, I agree. I love her as a sister... ...but I cannot accept her gifts. I had this terrible fear you would despise me... ...because I married your enemy and left while you were still fighting. It's been so many years. Much is forgiven. But you don't understand how much suffering Americans caused. Things are very hard. We use our own excrement... ...to grow vegetables! All we had to hold on to was the future... ...because we knew that the future would not arrive unless we won... ...so we kept dying, no matter what... ...just like ants beneath the elephant's feet. It wasn't because we were brave. Because we had no choice. Our freedom was all... ...all that mattered. When the future finally came... ...there was more war. The Cambodians, the Chinese. When I came to look for Mama in 1980.... You have no idea how much your mother suffered. She was too old to work the paddies. She had to give the land, our land, to the State after liberation. When I found Mama and Hai... ...they were starving. Their clothes were rags, their farm tools stolen... ...the animals slaughtered. The house was in ruins. Wild dogs attacked them. Nobody in the village cared for them. Just two old ladies scavenging... ...and growing vegetables to stay alive. Now you come here... ...a rich, strange foreigner. You'll turn the village against them. And against us... ...the Phungs, who have suffered so much. Things were bad for everyone after liberation. Many times, heaven and earth changed places. If you ask me, rebuilding a nation after a war... ...is like trying to start a family by getting raped! If war produces one thing, it's many cemeteries. And in cemeteries there are no enemies. All I could think of for so long... ...was how I made your brother, Sau, go to war. Your father wanted your brother to know some of the joys of married life... ...but I said no, so sure I was doing the right thing. Can you believe it? I gave up a grandson to gain a soldier. And I lost both. How wrong I was. It was also An Sau's choice. He was just being a good son when he obeyed me. If I could, I'd have stopped you from going to America. What would've happened to your sons here? I'm so proud of you, Bay Ly. You've grown up to see the side of things that's hidden from most people. Tears are God's way of paying you back... ...for what He's taken. I have no more tears. I have cried them out to all directions of the wind. My color's changing, Ly. It began last year. I have seen it before in others. You have come back, and that's what matters. You have completed your circle of growth. Low tide to high tide... ...poor to rich... ...sad to happy... ...beggar to a fine lady. Your past is now complete... ...and my destiny as your mother is now over. I'm looking forward to joining your papa. That night, I slept in the house my father built. Afterward, he found no need to visit me in my dreams. I gave my offerings to all the dead of the village. I had come home, yes. But home had changed... ...and I would always be in between... ...south, north... ...east, west... ...peace, war... ...Vietnam, America. It is my fate to be in between heaven and earth. When we resist our fate, we suffer. When we accept it, we are happy. We have time in abundance, an eternity... ...to repeat our mistakes. But we need only once correct our mistake... ...and at last hear the song of enlightenment... ...with which we can break the chain of vengeance forever. In your heart you can hear it now. It's the song your spirit has been singing since your birth. If the monks were right and nothing happens without cause... ...then the gift of suffering is to bring us closer to God... ...to teach us to be strong when we are weak... ...to be brave when we are afraid... ...to be wise in the midst of confusion... ...and to let go of that which we can no longer hold. Lasting victories are won in the heart... ...not on this land or that. |
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