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Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy The - Episode 6

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'The history of every major Galactic|civilisation
'passes through three distinct|and recognisable phases:
'For instance, the first phase|is characterised by the question:
'The second by the question:
'The third by the question:
'Though it will take a large civilisation|thousands of years
'to pass through the how,|why and where phases,
'small social groupings|under stressful conditions
'can pass through these phases|with extreme rapidity thus...'
How are doing?|Badly.
Why?|Shut up!
Excitement and adventure|and really wild things.
'Excitement and adventure|and really wild things
'have been dogging Arthur Dent|for some days.
'He's had his planet demolished|to make way for a hyperspace by-pass,
'and has been confronted|with the disconcerting knowledge
'that the Earth was not what it appeared,
'but was in fact a gigantic super-computer
'designed to calculate the Ultimate Question|of Life, the Universe and Everything.
'The answer to which|is now known to be:
'He and his companions|have been blasted far forward in time
'to the Restaurant at the End of the Universe,
'from which they're returning in a ship
'which could not in all honesty|be said to belong to them.
'Can they now relax for a while|and take stock?
'The ship does in fact|belong to Disaster Area,
'a plutonium rock band|whose stage act traditionally ends
'with a black stunt ship on autopilot|crashing into the heart of a nearby sun.
'Of this, however, Arthur Dent and his|companions are totally unaware.
'They decide to relax for a while|and take stock.'
Listen, Earthman, you've a job to do.
The Question to the Ultimate Answer, right?
There's a lot of loot|in that head thing of yours.
Where do we start?|The Ultimate Answer's 42.
What's the question? How should I know?|It could be anything.
What's six times seven?
- 42!|- Yes, I know that.
I'm just saying it could be anything.|Why ask me?
'Cause you were the last one!|You were there at the Big Firework!
- I wish you'd stop saying that.|- I know.
Shut up, this is organism talk.
It's printed in the Earthman's|brainwave patterns,
but I don't suppose|you'll be very interested in that.
You can read my mind?
- Yes.|- And?
It amazes me how you manage to live|in anything that small.
Ignore him, he's only making it up.
Making it up?|Why should I want to do that?
Life's bad enough as it is|without wanting to invent any more of it.
Marvin, if you knew all along,|why didn't you tell us?
- You didn't ask.|- We're asking now. What's the question?
- The Ultimate Question?|- Yes!
- Of Life, the Universe and Everything?|- Yeah!
- To which the answer is 42?|- Yeah, come on!
You're not really interested.
Tell us, you motorised maniac!
This ship knows|where it's going better than we do.
I could tell you weren't really interested.
- Who does this ship belong to?|- Me.
- Who does it really belong to?!|- Really me!
Property is theft, right?
Therefore theft is property,|therefore this ship is mine.
- Tell the ship that.|- Ship! This is your new owner speaking!
{y:i}OK, channel 9|{y:i}on power. Testing channel 15.
{y:i}Channel 15, A-OK.|{y:i}Now in pre-sundive position.
{y:i}Put in under control|{y:i}of central-stage coordination.
{y:i}Ship locked into stage computer A-OK.|{y:i}Stand by for sundive.
- Turn it off!|- What does sundive mean?
The ship is going to dive into the sun.
Sun. Dive.|It's very simple to understand.
What do you expect|if you steal Disaster Area's stunt ship?
Marvin, what makes you think|it's Disaster Area's stunt ship?
I parked it for them.
Then why...?
Why didn't you tell us?!
You said you wanted excitement|and adventure and really wild things.
This is awful!
That's what I said.
Hi, there, Galactic rock fans!
Fine weather for the concert this afternoon.
I'm standing here on stage in the desert,
and with my hyper-binoctic glasses
I can just make out the huge audience|on the horizon all around.
Behind me, huge speaker stacks|rise like a cliff face,
high above the sun is shining|and doesn't know what's going to hit it.
The environmentalist lobby do know|and claim the concert will cause
earthquakes, tidal waves, hurricanes|and other things they always go on about.
But I've just heard that Disaster Area|met with the environmentalists
and had them shot!
{y:i}So now nothing stands in the way|{y:i}of the concert going ahead today.
- Know what I'm thinking?|- I think so.
Tell me what you think I'm thinking.
- It's time to get off this ship.|- I think you're right.
I think you're right.
- How?|- Quiet, we're thinking.
So this is it? We're going to die.
I wish you'd stop saying that.
'One of the things Ford Prefect found hard|to understand about human beings
'was their habit of continually stating|and re-stating the very, very obvious, as in:
'First, Ford formed a theory to account|for this strange behaviour.
'lf human beings|don't exercise their lips, he thought,
'their mouths probably seize up.
'After a while, he abandoned this theory|in favour of a new one.
'lf they don't exercise their lips, he thought,
'their brains start working.
'In fact, this second theory is more literally|true of the Belcerebon People
'of Kakrafoon Kappa.
'The Belcerebons used to cause great|resentment amongst neighbouring races
'by being one of the most enlightened,|accomplished
'and, above all, quiet civilisations|in the Galaxy.
'As a punishment for this behaviour,
'which was held to be offensively|self-righteous and provocative,
'a Galactic tribunal inflicted on them|that most cruel of all social diseases:
'Now, in order to prevent themselves|broadcasting every slightest thought
'to anyone within a five-mile radius,
'they have to talk loudly|and continuously about the weather,
'their little aches and pains,|the match this afternoon
'and what a noisy place|Kakrafoon has suddenly become.
'Another method of temporarily|blotting out their mind is to play host
'to a Disaster Area concert.'
This is it! We're starting to dive!
We're heading straight into the sun!
- How many escape capsules are there?|- None!
- You counted them?|- Twice! Raise the crew on the radio?
- I said there were people on board.|- And they said?
"Hi, there!"
- You told them who you were?|- Yeah. They said it was a great honour.
What does "teleport" mean?
What did you say?
- Probably the wrong moment.|- Where's the teleport?
Under this sign|that says "Out of order". There.
Hell's donkeys!
It seems OK. Just the automatic|where-we're-going system is cocked up.
- Who cares? Let's just go!|- Someone has to operate it manually.
- Whoever it was would... would...|- Wouldn't...
Hey, Marvin, kid!
How you doing?
Very badly, I suspect.
- How would you like to...|...lay down my life selflessly for you?
- Make the ultimate sacrifice?|- Yeah.
Consign my brain, which is the size|of a planet, to death in a blazing sun,
so that you can all pursue|your futile little lives?
Yeah. Nothing personal.|You don't count as a person, do you, kid?
All right.
- Come on, guys!|- Better all get into the teleport.
Marvin, you stupid tin can, shift it!
We really appreciate this.
I suppose some people|might expect better treatment
after having waited 576,000|million years in a car park.
But not me.
I may just be a menial robot,
but I'm far too intelligent to expect|anyone to think of me for a moment.
In fact, I'm so intelligent, I've probably|got time to go through the five mill...
- Arthur!|- Ford!
- Zaph?|- Trillian? Where've they got to?
There's no reason why we should|all end up in the same place.
- Ah, well.|- Trillian?
They could be anywhere.|So could we, for that matter.
What's that?
Feet! Let's move!
- That's the way they're coming from.|- No, that's the way!
You're right!
This way!
- A funeral parlour?|- Wild!
- What's so great about dead people?|- I dunno. What is so great?
Look, a plaque.
And a serial number.
- A dead telephone sanitiser?|- Best kind.
- What's he doing here?|- Not a lot!
This one's a hairdresser.
This one's|an advertising account executive.
A second-hand car salesman, third class.
Are you sure these are coffins?|They're terribly cold.
All right! Put your hands up|and turn around slowly.
- Why isn't anyone ever pleased to see us?|- You're my prisoners.
- All right.|- Move! Move!
- Move?|- Move!
Left, right, left, right!|Keep in line! Left, right, left, right!
Left, right, one, two, three!
- Captain?|- Yes, Number Three?
I've had a sort of report-thingy|from Number One.
- Oh, dear...|- Something about finding prisoners.
Perhaps it'll keep him happy for a bit.|He's always wanted some.
- Captain, sir!|- Hello, Number One. Having a nice day?
I've brought the prisoners|from Freezer Base 7, sir.
Hello! Excuse me not getting up,|just having a quick bath.
Well, gin and tonics all round, then!|Look in the fridge, Number Three!
Certainly, sir!
Don't you want to interrogate|the prisoners, sir?
Why on Golgafrincham should I do that?
To get information out of them, sir,|find out why they came here.
No, no. I expect they just dropped in|for a quick gin and tonic, don't you?
But, sir... they're my prisoners.|Can't I interrogate them a little bit?
Oh, very well.
- Ask them what they want to drink.|- Thank you, sir.
All right.
You scum!
- You vermin!|- Steady on, Number One!
What do you want to drink?
Gin and tonic sounds|very nice to me. Arthur?
With ice or without?
With, please.
Yeah. Do you have any of those|little biscuits, the cheesy ones?
I'm asking the questions.
Number One, push off, will you?
I'm trying to take a relaxing bath.
May I respectfully remind you that you've|been in that bath for over three years?
Well, one needs to relax a lot|in a job like mine.
Can I just...?
Could I just ask you what your job is?
- Your drinks.|- Thanks.
- I couldn't help noticing the bodies.|- Bodies?
Dead telephone sanitisers|and account executives.
They're not dead, no! They're just frozen.|They'll be revived.
- You've a hold full of frozen hairdressers?|- Millions of them.
Hairdressers, tired TV producers,|insurance salesmen, personnel officers.
Security guards, public relations executives.
Management consultants.|We're going to colonise another planet.
- What?|- Exciting, isn't it?
- With that lot?!|- Don't misunderstand me.
We're just one of the ships|of the Ark Fleet. We're the B Ark.
Excuse me, could you run|a little more hot water for me?
- Yes, sure.|- Thanks.
- What's a B Ark?|- Well, our planet was doomed.
- Doomed?|- Yes, so everybody said,
{y:i}Let's pack the whole population|into giant spaceships
{y:i}and settle on another planet.|- A less doomed one?
Precisely. So it was decided|to build three gigantic ships.
Three gigantic Arks in space.
The idea was that into the first ship|would go all the brilliant leaders, scientists,
the great artists, you know, all the achievers.
Into the third ship would go all the people|who do the actual work,
who make things and do things.
Then into the B ship-that's us -|would go everyone else, the middlemen.
Of course, we were sent off first.
- What was wrong with your planet?|- It was doomed.
Apparently it was going to blow up|or crash into the sun or something.
That's not what I was told.
My commander swore|that the entire planet was about to be eaten
by a mutant star goat.
- Really?|- Yes.
He said how lucky I was|to be going off in the first ship.
But they made sure|they sent all you lot off first, anyway.
Oh, yes! And everyone said -|very nice I thought -
how important for morale to feel|that they were arriving on another planet
where you could get a good haircut|and where the phones were clean.
Yes. I can see that'd be very important.
- Can you?|- Sh!
And the rest of the ships|followed on after you?
Funny you should mention that,
'cause curiously enough|we haven't heard a peep out of them
since we left five years ago,|yet they must be behind us somewhere.
Unless they're all eaten by the goat?
The goat!
Funny... Now that I come to tell|the story to someone else...
Don't you find it a bit odd, Number Three?
- Well...|- It is a bit odd, isn't it?
- It's odd.|- Yes, well...
I can see you've a lot to talk about.|So thanks for the drink.
Could you drop us off|at the nearest convenient planet?
That's a little difficult, you see.
Our trajectory thingy was pre-set|before we left Golgafrincham.
I think it was partly due to the fact|I'm not really very good at figures.
You mean...
We're stuck here on this ship?
When are you going to arrive at this planet?
We're nearly there. Nearly there.
I should be out of this bath, in fact...
Oh, why stop just when I'm enjoying it?
- We are about to land, then?|- Not exactly land, no.
As far as I remember,|we were programmed to crash on it.
Some reason for it, but for the life of me|I can't remember what it was.
You're all a load of useless bloody loonies!
Yes, that was it! That was the reason!
'The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy|has this to say about Golgafrincham:
'Meanwhile,|the remaining useless third crash-landed
'into the prehistoric dawn|of a small blue-green planet
'at the unfashionable end|of the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy.'
It's odd, isn't it?
'With them are Arthur Dent and Ford Prefect.
'They, too, have been travelling widely|in distant lands.
'Something is bothering them.'
It's very, very odd.
There is one way to find out, of course.
- What, you mean by going to...?|- Yes.
All right.
I said it was odd.
Yes, I remember you saying.
I can hardly believe it.
I find it very easy to believe things.
I wonder how the Golgafrinchans are doing?
Do you?
All right! I'd like to call this meeting|to some sort of order, if possible.
- Fancy a light trim, sir?|- Not now, I'm in the bath!
- Anyone else like one?|- Please, we're trying to have a meeting.
- If you'd all care to look at the agenda.|{y:i}- Hello!
Who's that?
Remember me?
I... I made a discovery...|I'd like to tell you about.
- Is it on the agenda?|- Agenda?
Sorry, but speaking|as a management consultant,
I must insist on the importance|of the committee structure.
- On a prehistoric planet?|- Address the chair!
- There isn't a chair, only a rock.|- Call it a chair.
Why not call it a rock?
Will you two shut up?!
- I want to table a motion.|- Boulder a motion, you mean!
Thank you, I made that point.
- Order, order!|- If I could just say...
Order, order!
I would like to call to order the 573rd meeting
of the colonisation committee|of the planet of Fintlewoodlewix.
This is futile! 573 meetings|and you haven't even discovered fire yet!
If you care to look at the agenda,
we are having a report from the Hairdressers'|Fire Development Sub-committee.
That's me.
That's you?
What have you done?
Well... they gave me a couple of sticks.
Yes. And?
Curling tongs?
You're going to die out, you know that?
You are obviously being totally naive!
When you've been in marketing|as long as I have,
you know that before any new product|can be developed
it has to be properly researched.
We've got to find out what people want|from fire, how they relate to its image...
- Stick it up your nose!|- Precisely what we need to know.
Do people want fire|that can be fitted nasally?
And the wheel! What about this wheel thing?
They say it's a fascinating project.
We're having a little difficulty there.
Difficulty? It's the single simplest machine|in the entire Universe!
All right, Mr Wiseguy! You're so clever,|you tell us what colour it should be!
O Mighty Zarquon!
- Has no one done anything yet?|- Yes!
I have declared war on the next continent.
Declared war? There's no one living there.
Yes. But there will be one day.
- So we've left an open-ended ultimatum.|- What?
And blown up a few military installations.
- Military installations, Number Two?|- Yes, sir.
Well, potential military installations.
All right, trees.
And we interrogated a gazelle.
And one of our surviving film producers|rescued a camera from the wreckage.
He wants to make a documentary|about you, Captain.
That's awfully nice.
Yes, he's got a really strong angle on it.
The burden of responsibility,|the loneliness of command...
I wouldn't overstress that angle.
After all, one's never alone|with a rubber duck.
If we could move on|to the subject of fiscal policy?
Fiscal policy?
How can you have money|if none of you produces anything?
It doesn't grow on trees.
But since we decided|to adopt the leaf as legal tender,
we have all of course|become immensely rich.
But we have run into a small inflation|problem owing to high leaf availability.
That means the current rate|is something like
three major deciduous forests|buy one ship's peanut.
In order to obviate this problem|and revalue the leaf,
we've decided on|an extensive campaign of defoliation
and burn down all the forests.
- I think that's a sensible move, don't you?|- Fiscally shrewd! Fiscally shrewd!
You're mad, you know that, don't you?
Is it appropriate to inquire|what you've been doing all this time?
You and that other interloper,|missing for months?
We've been travelling.
We've been trying to find out|something about this world.
That does not sound|very productive to me. No.
Well, have I got news for you!
It doesn't matter a pair|of fetid dingos' kidneys what you do.
Burn down the forests.|It won't make a scrap of difference.
You see, I've seen the future.
Two million years you've got,|and that's it!
At the end of that time, your race|will be dead. Gone. And good riddance.
Remember that. Two million years.
Strange chap.|What about those documentary things?
Just time for another bath!
Sponge, somebody!
No, no, no! Honestly!
"Y" scores five, and it's on|a triple word score. I explained the rules.
No, no, please!
Put down the jawbone.
All right, we'll start again.|Please try and concentrate this time.
Hi, Arthur, what are you doing?
I'm trying to teach them Scrabble.
It's uphill work. The only word they know|is "Ugh", and they can't spell it.
- What's the point in that?|- To make them evolve.
Imagine a world descended|from those cretins over there!
- We don't have to, we've seen it.|- But honestly!
We've seen it. There's no escape.
- Did you tell them what we discovered?|- What?
Norway. Slartibartfast's signature|on the glacier.
- What'll that mean to them?|- It means this is the Earth!
- My home. Where I was born.|- Was?
- Will be.|- In two million years' time.
Tell them that and see what they say.|They'll chase you up a tree! Face it...
Those zeebs over there are your ancestors.|Your Scrabble board won't save your race.
The human race is currently standing|around a bath making documentaries!
- Surely we can do something?|- It's all been done, we've seen it.
You know the history of the Earth|and its demolition by the Vogons.
You can't change anything.
And all because the Golgafrinchans|arrived here on their B Ark!
Ah, well.
Poor bloody cavemen!
It's all been a waste of time for you, hasn't it?
Out-evolved by a telephone sanitiser!
- He's pointing at the Scrabble board.|- Probably spelt "library" with one R.
No, he hasn't.
No, look!
The experiment! 42!
Deep Thought's answer to the Ultimate|Question of Life, the Universe and whatever!
Everything! 42!
Of course! The experiment to find|the question to that answer.
It's going on all around us, here.
The Earth. The ground. The trees.
The water. The rocks. The cavemen.
Terrific! We've cocked it up.
The Golgafrinchans, us,|just by arriving here.
The caveman is part of the program,|and they're dying out because of us.
Therefore, no question.
- What about my brain?|- What about your brain?
Marvin said the question was printed|in my brainwave patterns.
- Wrong question. It's still cocked-up.|- It might give us a clue.
If it's in your brain,|how are we going to get at it?
How about... if it's in my brain,|and I can't reach it,
suppose we introduce some random element
- Shaped by the brainwave patterns?|- Such as?
Pulling out letters from the Scrabble bag.
- Brilliant!|- Right!
Right. First four letters.
W... H... A... T. What.
Great. It's working.
D... O... Y...
Doy. Doyo!
U... G... Doyoug?
Ah! E... T...
Do you get.|What do you get...
Y... O... U... M... U...
P... Multiply!
S... I... x...
Six... by...
N... I... N... E. Nine!
Six... by... nine.
Is that it?
That's it.
Six by nine? 42...?
I always said there was something|fundamentally wrong with the Universe.
All for that!
It's very sad, you know.
Just at the moment|it's a very beautiful planet.
It is. It is indeed.
The rich primal greens.
The river snaking off into the distance.
The burning forests.
And then in two million years,|BANG! It gets destroyed by the Vogons.
What a life for a young planet|to look forward to!
What a waste!
Well, better than some.
I read of one planet up in the 7th Dimension
got used as a ball|in inter-Galactic bar billiards,
got potted straight into a black hole,|killed 10 billion people.
Madness, total madness!
Only scored thirty points, too.
Where did you read that?|Hm? A book.
- What book?|- The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy.
That thing!
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Hija del canibal La (2003)
Hijo de la Novia El
Hijo de la Novia El 2001
Hilary and Jackie
Hill The
Hillside Strangler The 2004
Himalaya - lenfance dun chef
Hip Hip Hora! (Hip Hip Whore)
Hiroshima Mon Amour - Criterion Collection
Hiroshima Mon Amour 1959
Hiroyuki Sanada - Twilight Samurai 2002 CD1
Hiroyuki Sanada - Twilight Samurai 2002 CD2
His Girl Friday
His Secret Life
His brother 2003
Histoire D O (1975)
Histoire de Pen
Historias Minimas (2002)
History of the World The - Part I
Hitcher II - I have been waiting
Hitcher The
Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy The - Episode 1
Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy The - Episode 2
Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy The - Episode 3
Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy The - Episode 4
Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy The - Episode 5
Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy The - Episode 6
Hitlerjunge Salomon - Europa Europa
Hitokiri Tenchu 1969 CD1
Hitokiri Tenchu 1969 CD2
Hobbit The
Hocus Pocus
Hole The
Hole in the Head A
Holes CD1
Holes CD2
Hollow Man
Hollow The (2004)
Hollywood Ending CD1
Hollywood Ending CD2
Hollywood Homicide 2003 CD1
Hollywood Homicide 2003 CD2
Holy Man
Holy Matrimony (1994)
Holy Smoke CD1
Holy Smoke CD2
Home Alone 1990
Home Alone 2 - Lost in New York
Home Alone 3
Home Alone 4
Home At The End Of The World A
Home On The Range
Home from the Sea
Homem Que Copiava O 2003 CD1
Homem Que Copiava O 2003 CD2
Homerun CD1
Homerun CD2
Homme-orchestre L (Serge Korber 1970)
Homolka a Tobolka
Honest 2000
Honeymoon Killers The
Honkytonk Man
Hororr hotline (2001)
Horse Whisperer The CD1
Horse Whisperer The CD2
Horseman on the Roof The
Horses Mouth The
Hostile Waters 1997
Hot Chick The
Hot Wheels World Race CD1
Hot Wheels World Race CD2
Hound of Baskervilles The
Hour of the Wolf
Hours The
House By The Cemetary The
House Of The Spirits CD1
House Of The Spirits CD2
House With The Windows That Laugh
House of 1000 Corpses
House of Frankenstein
House of Games (1987)
House of Mirth The
House of Sand and Fog 2003 CD1
House of Sand and Fog 2003 CD2
House of flying daggers
House of the Dead
House of the Flying Daggers
How Green Was My Valley
How High
How The West Was Won 1962 CD1
How The West Was Won 1962 CD2
How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days
How to Beat the High Cost of Living
How to Keep My Love 2004
How to Murder Your Wife 1965
How to Steal a Million CD1
How to Steal a Million CD2
How to deal
Howards End
Hratky s certem
Hudsucker Proxy The
Hulk The - Special Edition
Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam
Hum Kaun Hai
Hum Tum
Hum Tumhare Hain Sanam
Human Beast The CD1
Human Beast The CD2
Human lanterns
Hunchback of Notre Dame II The
Hunchback of Notre Dame The
Hundtricker the movie
Hunger The 1983
Hunt For Red October CD1
Hunt For Red October CD2
Hunted The
Hunter The
Huozhe (Lifetimes) CD1
Huozhe (Lifetimes) CD2
Huozhe CD1
Huozhe CD2
Hurricane 1937
Hurricane The CD1
Hurricane The CD2
Hyojadongibalsa 2004
Hypnosis (Saimin 1999)
Hypnotic Doctor Sleep
Hypnotist The 1999
Hypnotized The
Hypo-Chondri-Cat The (1950)