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Holy Matrimony (1994)

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[People Laughing,|Chattering]
[Roller Coaster Going By,|People Screaming]
[Barker]|Come on, step on up.
Two bucks a ball, three for five.|You might get lucky.
See something you haven't seen before.|Watch our Marilyn twirl.
[Man]|Come on, reach in.
[Barker] Give 'em a thrill, boys.|Give 'em a thrill.
When the weather's hot like this,|I keep my panties in the refrigerator.
[Men Howling]
- [Bell Ringing]|- [Barker] We have a winner.!
[Men Whistling, Howling]
[Barker] Come on, fella.|How 'bout you? Two bucks a ball.
That worth two bucks a ball?|Look at that skin up there.
Pretty fine, folks. You oughta|get in here, get some of this.
I am gonna be someone.|And this is step number one.
Yeah?|Step one to what?
I'm gonna go where|all the lights stay on.
Where all those little flashbulbs go off|like they do for Madonna and Cher.
My mama sat alone|in the dark.
Not me. Uh-uh.
You know...|Marilyn wasn't always Marilyn.
She had to do stuff|to get to be Marilyn.
And it wasn't always|stuff she liked.
She did it anyhow.
Eye on the ball.
Keep your eye|on the ball.
Sorry, Mr. Greeson.|Is my check ready?
What's the matter?|You been cryin'?
Ah, forget it.
You think just because|I'm the boss, I got no ears.
Come on.|Sit down here. Talk to me.
It's just...|[Sighs]
I don't want|anyone to hear.
Well, we can|go in my office.
Come on.|[Jangles Keys]
[Locks Safe Door]
Come on.
So, what is it, Havana?|You can tell me.
It's... Peter.
He said he really loved me...
and he started screwing|the cotton candy girl.
- [Crying]|- Oh, there, there, there.
There, there, there, now.
- [Crying Continues]|- Havana, honey.
- You'll be fine. Now just|have a good cry, yes.|- [Crying Continues]
Oh, that's right.
- That's right. Yeah.|- He broke my heart.
[Havana Mock Crying]
[Mr. Greeson] You'll be fine.|Don't worry about a thing.
[Mock Crying Continues]
Honey, that farm hand is|beneath a beautiful woman like you.
What you need is a man|mature enough to appreciate...
- what a lady like you has to offer.|- I do?
Hey, get your hands|off of my woman.!
Come on. Let's go.|Let's go. It's right here. I got it all.
[Radio Broadcast]|A Metro girl got a new lease on life...
thanks to surgery|at the hospital for sick children.
Tracy Hooper was given the liver|of an nine-year-old accident victim|in a four hour operation.
Hooper is in critical but stable condition, ;|normal after such an operation.
The forecast: ; mostly sunny|skies today with brisk winds.
Expected high near 52 degrees.|Clear tonight with a low...
Wake up, wake up!
- We gotta pack. Pack!|- What?
Come on. We gotta go, now.|Move it.
Jesus Christ!|We're screwed!
"PeterJakobson is being sought|for state fair robbery"! Some brilliant...
- I didn't see any goddamned camera.|Move! Let's pack.|- Where are we going?
[People Singing|In Hutterite German]
[Man]|"Now, therefore...
"if you will obey My voice and needs,|and keep My covenant...
"then you shall be|a peculiar treasure unto Me...
"above all people.
For all the earth is mine."
[Rock 'N'Roll]
I never know where|I'm going to
Kinda takin'it|day by day
Day by day
Day by day
Day by day|Day by day
I'm not hanging out|at some wacko commune...
like a '60s leftover|waiting to get brainwashed.
No phones, no TV, no newspapers;|nobody will find us.
And it's not a commune.|It's, it's a colony.
A religious colony.|One of 300.
Well, rethink it, Peter.|The answer is no.
I don't wear tie-dye.|I don't do chants.
- I don't do the singing nuns.|- Okay, you got a better idea|where we could hide out?
Yeah. Pull over,|give me my half of the money.
I'll go to Hollywood where|nobody knows me for sure. Pull over!
No. I don't feel safe with you|out there loose. I don't trust you!
Don't want you around
Thinks you should be free
Thinks you drive me insane
I'm on my way
Never know where|I'm going
Just kinda takin'it|day by day
Day by day
Day by day
Day by day
Day by day...
[Radio Stops]
- This place looks like|a goddamned penal colony.|- Hey, stop swearin'.
It's not allowed here.
Okay,|now you wait here.
Wait! Hey!
- I'm thirsty!|- You'll wait.
[Teacher Talking|In Hutterite German]
- [Peter] Ezekiel Jakobson.!|- Yes?
Is anybody looking|for an older brother in there?
Peter!|I told you he'd come back.
- Peter!|- [Laughing]
- You're back!|- Yes, of course I'm back.
- I prayed that you'd return|and you're finally back.|- Yes, of course.
- And they won't pick on me anymore.|- Who? Who won't?
- The kids are still. But they won't anymore.|- Those kids picking on you?
- Yeah, but they won't anymore,|because you're here.|- That's right.
- You're with me.|- Yeah, it's just me and you. Huh? Me and you.
- That's right. You and me.|- Mother! Mother!
He's back!|Peter's back!
- Not a kiss from my own mother?|- Peter. It is really you?
Oh, Peter.
Not one word for almost three years, now|you stand before me as if you never left.
Mother, my body has returned|but my heart never left.
[Sighs]|Oh, welcome home, my child.
You must go|talk with elders.
[Man] What have you learned|in the outside world, Peter?
Of myself, Uncle.
What is that?
I've witnessed firsthand|the torrents of the soul.
I have felt the devil's tongue.
This is my home... Uncle.
I belong here.
I read from Proverbs: 22, 6.
"Train up a child in the way|he should go. And when he is old...
he will not depart from it."
Welcome home, Peter.|Welcome.
Thank you. Thank you.|It's good to be back.
Did you leave something in|the car like me for instance?
Hmm? Hi.
Uh... excuse me.
Uh, yes, um...|[Clears Throat]
Excuse me.|Excuse me.
Are you nuts?
I'm trying to help us here and you're|a hair away from blowing the deal.
- Put some clothes on.|- I have clothes on.|You wanna see me get naked?
Do you?|What I need is a drink.
You want a drink?|Okay, look. See there. That's a faucet.
Knock yourself out.
** [Radio]
Peter...|who is that woman?
She's my, uh...
Uh, she's, uh... my wife.
What? Your wife?
Uh, um...|She's to be my wife.
You know,|we do not like to judge...
as our Lord, Jesus Christ|judged no one.
But that woman...
- hmph...|- [Continues]
Does not appear|to be of our sort.
Ja, ja, I agree.
And that is why|she's been sent to me...
to be a test of my,|of my patience...
and my generosity.
[Exhales]|She wants to learn our way.
And God has asked me...|to show her.
- Boo!|- [Dog Barking]
This is not happening!
That is Zeke's way.|When he gets nervous, he passes out.
Nothing to be concerned about.|Just give him a nudge.
- Wake up!|- [Dog Barking]
Well, my name's Havana.|And you're?
Oh, I get it,|you have no name.
Okay. All right.|Well... actually I'm fine.
- Thank you for asking.|- I presume you're Havana.
Then you presume|right on.
I'm Uncle Wilhelm.|I'm the head of the Colony.
- Welcome to our family, Havana.|- Thanks. It's...
Uncle Wilhelm,|I see you met Havana.
- Yes, we met, and it was|a beautiful moment had by all.|- Good.
[Chuckles]|Colony life will be difficult at first...
but it will be easier|if you live it for God's sake.
There is a lot for her to learn,|Uncle Wilhelm. It'll take a little time.
We are pleased that you|have decided to marry Peter...
- andjoin our simple way oflife.|- He is?
- She makes a fine breeder for us.|- Oh.
[Chuckles]|Thank you.
- Sorry, I... I have to work now.|- Okay.
You can breed this!
Havana, the rules of the Colony are|very strict. I had to think of something.
Some way that the elders would|let you stay 'til I think of a plan...
Plan? Is that what you call getting married;|figuring out a plan? What am I, a yo-yo?
- Shh.|- I'm getting whiplash. I have a plan.
And my plan is to go to Hollywood,|lose you forever. That is what I call a plan.
- Don't go screwing with my plan.|- We'd only be married a few weeks.
[Havana]|I'm not staying.! No, I'm not staying.
[Man] Yes, there's a problem. Aproblem|with your performance in New Orleans.
You're goin' out|to pick up a robbery suspect.
Would you do me the courtesy|of checking the manual?
Look under "appropriate use|of Bureau personnel" before|you send a 30-year veteran...
- to do the job of a green-ass kid.|- Markowski, listen to me.
Your credibility is suspect; you are not|in New Orleans; you are not undercover;
you are in Iowa|and you are working for me.
And the manual says that I...
get to tell you what to do.
Robbin'a state fair?
Man, I used to be proud|to be an American.
You're going to Canada to bring|back PeterJakobson, his accomplice...
and the money.
This is the job.|You wanna do it, fine.
You don't;|Pension and Welfare down the hall.
[Crickets Chirping]
Damn it!
Havana, come. It is our custom|to sew the dress for the wedding.
- We will take the measurements.|- All right, look.
If I'm gonna wear a little homemade number,|then at least I am designing it, okay?
This is what I want. I want a sweetheart|collar coming from a tight bodice.
- Two slits up the front.|- Oh, ja, ja.
- A long, long train coming|from a shiny satin bustle.|- Ja, ja.
- Can you guys do tassels?|- [All] Oh, ja.
- How 'bout ruffles?|- Ja, ja. Oh, ja.
- Yeah?|- Ja.
- What about pleats?|- Oh, ja.
[People Singing|In Hutterite German]
Begehrst du diese Schwester|gern anzunehmen...
[Wilhelm]|Als eine Gabe van den Hemm?
Do you accept this sister|as a gift from the Lord?
I do.
[Wilhelm] Begehrst du ihn inallen|goettinchen Dingen gehorsan zu sein...
Damit Eines den andern eine Ursach zum|Gutten und zur Gottseligkeit sine moechte?
Will you be obedient to your husband|in all spiritual matters...
and will you encourage|each other to lead godly lives?
It's done. So, you|may kiss the bride.
[Clears Throat]
[Clears Throat]
[Bells Chiming]
[People Chattering]
[Men Chattering]
[Woman]|Eat well.
[Woman]|Eat well, father.
[Woman]|Eat well.
Eat well,|Father.
- Eat well and choke.|- [Woman] Oh.!
[Chuckles]|She's... funny.
[Clears Throat]
[Car Horn Honks]
[Brakes Squeaking]
This car's goin' to town.|Anybody going better jump in.
Peter, when you were gone,|what did you do?
- Stuff.|- What kind of stuff?
I saw things.|I saw the world.
Different things.
Different people.
And out of all the women|you saw, you decided on Havana?
Yeah, I decided|on Havana.
You know, the Bible says that|goodness, kindness...
purity and fullness of heart|are the qualities for a mate.
- Uh-huh.|- Does Havana have these qualities?
Or will we see them?
Maybe we better|keep an eye on her.
You got half an hour.|What do you want to do?
- Can I get ice cream?|- Yeah. Look. Here's money.
But don't go give it away.|It's the real thing in the real world.
- It's right down there.|- Thank you.
- [Children Shouting]|- [Bells On Bicycles Ringing]
- Let's go!|- All right, go!
[Shouting, Whooping]
[Woman On TV]|A record wheat harvest this year.
But only when the wheat's|in the bin and the money's in the bank...
can farmers breathe|a sigh of relief.
Here's a local twist on that|state fair robbery. Police are|certain that PeterJakobson...
who was identified in this video|taken with a hidden camera,|has made his way into Canada...
and with his accomplice will|be attempting to disappear...
into one of the local|Hutterite colonies.
Turning now to medical news,|scientists are encouraged with the way...
[Car Engine Roaring]
Are cars supposed to go|this fast?
Listen, I'm going|to have to go away.
You just came back. You said|you were back for good.
- Things change.|- But you promised we'd be together.
You and me, remember?
- Hey! I hate you!|- Come on. No, stop it!
Look out!|Slow down!
[People Singing|In Hutterite German]
** [Singing]
[Thunder Rumbling]
[Glass Shattering]
Where is it?|[Grunts]
- [Grunts]|- [Wilhelm Gasps] Havana.
Havana, we do not want to disturb|your mourning time...
- but may we come in?|- [Sighs] Yeah, but...
Sorry about...|Sorry about the mess.
Oh, we understand.|We understand.
I don't.|She's messier than the turkeys.
Everybody mourns|their own style.
Havana, Ezekiel has a duty|that needs to be attended to.
You know, the Bible|represents our law.
We are very strict about|observing all aspects and all dictates.
Our society...
is based upon following|tradition to the letter.
Please read Deuteronomy:|25, 5. Right there.
"Thou shalt not|muzzle the ox."
No, no, no,|next verse.
"If brethren dwell together, and one|of them die and have no child...
"the wife of the dead|shall not marry unto a stranger.
Her husband's brother shall go in|unto her and take her to him to wife."
- Wait. What?|- What did she say?
Yeah, what did I say?|"The wife of the dead shall not marry...
"unto a stranger.
Her husband's brother shall go in|unto her and take her to him to wife"?
What is this book?|Is this a comedy or something?
Uncle Wilhelm, I think maybe I should|read 'cause she must be getting this wrong.
No, no, no, no, she's not incorrect,|nor the word of our Lord.
Havana, Ezekiel has|an obligation by our law...
to ask you...|to marry him.
- [Chuckles]|- But there's no cause for alarm.
You will simply|refuse him and that will be that.
- What will be what?|- Well... you have to leave.
- What do you mean I have to leave?|- Here. $100.
- We'll drive you to the bus stop.|It'll take you to the city.|- You can't just kick me out.
Nobody wants to kick you out,|but we have no choice.
As an outsider, you are|not allowed to remain here.
I know this seems harsh,|but it is the best.
The Hutterite way of life,|Havana, is not for you.
So I have to leave now|with this $100?
I'm sorry.
EzekielJakobson, it falls to you to perform|the duty of the brother-in-law. Ask her.
Let us get this|done with.
But, Uncle Wilhelm, I'm only|12 years old. I still hate girls.
- L-I'd much prefer a frog...|- Don't disgrace yourself in the eyes of God!
- Ask her, please.|- But I'd make a bad husband.
- Don't make me do this.|- You must, child!
It's the Lord's rules.|You must please Him.
Uh... will you...|Will you, um...
- Do you wanna...|- Go ahead, Ezekiel.
- Go ahead.|- Do you wanna... [Panting]
Do you... wanna marry...|[Panting]
You-You know what I mean.|I can't... I can't breathe. I can't breathe!
[Chuckles] You guys have been out|in the sun for too long.
You marry...|[Gasping]
Do you wanna marry me|or not, you dumb pig?
[Chuckles]|Guys, I admit...
this is one goofy twist|on the whole boy-girl thing...
but let's not throw the baby out|with the bathwater, okay?
[Chuckles] If you would have told me|out on the street that the Bible...
is the happening book that I now think it is,|you could've knocked me over with a feather.
[Giggles]|But, guys, I have seen the light.
I have been saved. So, if the only way|I could stick around here...
and soak up more of this religion stuff|is to get hitched to the little midget...
then count me in, honey.
My answer is yes.
- [Crashes]|- [Havana Chuckles]|I'll marry the little brat...
but that little fainting trick|has got to go.
- How can we allow this?|- It's not our place to challenge the Lord!
We do not believe that our brother colonies|would be so literal to the written word.
- We will be ridiculed!|- This is correct!
- None of them will believe us!|- No one will.
- There must be something.|- The Bible doesn't say|anything about children!
- We must not do this!|- [Everyone Talking At Once]
My people!|My people!
If we begin to question|the wisdom of the Bible now...
where do we start|and when do we stop?
Stop it!
[Crowd Muttering]
[Wilhelm] Begehrst di diese|Schwester gern anzunehmen as|eine Gabe van dem Hemm?
- Do you accept this sister|as a gift from the Lord?|- I do.
[Crowd Muttering]
Begehrst du ihn in allen goetilchen Dingen|gehorsan zu sein, Damit Eines den andern...
eine Ursach zum Gutten|und zur Gottseligkeit sine moechte?
Will you be obedient to your husband|in all spiritual matters...
and will you encourage|each other to live godly lives?
Ja, I do.
It's done.|You may kiss the bride.
I'd rather kiss a goat.
Ezekiel, you may|kiss the bride... now!
- Do it for me!|- Ezekiel.!
Ezek... Eze...
[Children Giggling]
- Do you know what to do, big guy?|- [Laughing]
- Don't get her too excited.|- [Laughing]
- If you need any help, let me know.|- Do a good job, lover boy.
Lover boy.
- [Laughing]|- Lover boy.
Shh, shh, shh.
[Boy's Voices]|Nighty-night, lover boy.
- Oh, yeah.|- [Chuckling]
[Ezekiel] Take off your garments,|o'woman of mine.!
Let me show you|what a real man is.!
[Mattress Moving,|Ezekiel Moaning]
Havana, stop it,|you're breaking the bed.!
[Moaning Continues]
Oh, Havana,|stop it, stop it.
[Moaning Continues]
- Shh.|- [Moaning Continues]
- Honey, I'm home.|- [Boy] I'm home, lover boy.
[Boys Laughing]
Leave me alone!
6:00 in the|goddamn morning.
Stop swearing! We have to go|to church. We awaken with the Lord.
- Well, I sleep later than He does.|- [Knocking Continues]
Get away from my door!
We have to go.|You're going to get me in trouble.
- Let's go. I'm ready.|- [Screaming]
Well, don't do that|again then!
[Door Closes]
[People Singing|In Hutterite German]
[Wilhelm]|Love one another as God loves you.
- May peace be with you.|- [All] Amen.
[People Chattering]
[Boy] I can't right now.|I have to finish homework.
Perhaps your wife is not present this morning|because she doesn't enjoy my sermons.
Oh, no, Uncle Wilhelm,|I tried to make her attend...
- but she is more stubborn than our animals.|- Uh-huh.
You know when a man is married,|a woman becomes his responsibility.
You must teach her our ways. You have|taken the vows of holy matrimony.
You are her husband.
You are her comforter, her example,|her faith, her friend, her protector...
her ally.
Her joy is your joy.
And her failings|are your failings.
Yes, but...|she's bigger than me.
Oh. Yeah, but...|God will provide.
And like all of us,|she has duties.
You will see that she attends|to your lawn; it needs cutting.
The flower bed|needs weeding.
Yes... Uncle Wilhelm.
[People Chattering]
[Banging Continues]
- Havana!|- What?
Uncle Wilhelm says you have to|mow the lawn and weed the flower bed.
Tell him I need a manicure|and a pedicure!
You have duties to attend to!|You're my wife!
And cover your head. Your hair's|not supposed to be showing.
- What are you looking for?|- Nothing.
Then what were you|doing in there?
Looking for a rope to hang myself with.|Now leave me alone.
Will you at least|weed the flower bed, please?
I like weeds.
Look, I'm sorry|about these mood swings.
I'm working on it,|okay?
It's just that I would feel a lot better|if I had a cigarette.
We don't have any.
I know, but... Peter hid mine somewhere.|Do you have any idea where he could|have hid them?
Don't you guys have|a secret hiding place or something?
You should be doing this.|This is your work.
Getting an even tan is hard work too,|so don't knock it.
I don't think|our marriage is working.
Well, then we got something in common|with every married couple in America.
How do you stand|the heat in those clothes?
We sweat.
I, uh... I found this|in the flower bed.
Looks American.
I guess Peter|must've dropped it.
Hey, this isn't fair,|you doing all my chores.
Why don't you come inside and|take a rest and I'll take over.
- Are you sure?|- Positive.
[Panting]|I see it.
Don't screw with me, kid! Peter was|giving the rest of that money to me!
Where's the rest of it?|I want my money and I want it now!
I'm your husband. Uncle Wilhelm|said you are to do as I tell you!
Who's gonna make me? You?|You're gonna make me, all 60 pounds of you?
If you don't start behaving like a proper wife,|I'm feeding all that money to the hogs!
Over my...|dead body!
You're only|making it sound better.
Come here!|Come back here!
If you do as you're told,|maybe I will give you the money.
Fine.|What do you want me to do?
[Havana]|How come I never see guys do this work?
My husband says he can't find a hoe|that fits a man's hand.
Just like a man. We do all the work,|while he plays with his hose.
[Women Laughing]
I'm sorry I yelled at you. I'm trying|really hard to be a good wife|and it's difficult.
But I know that you're going to help me|and Uncle Wilhelm will be very proud of you.
[Women Chattering]
[Woman]|Eat well, father.
Eat well,|husband.
- [Woman] Eat well, son.|- Eat well, brother.
** [Singing In|Hutterite German]
* I was going to leave|all of these lunatics *
* And go off and have|a rich and happy life *
[Women|Continue Singing]
* Cannot stand it|All this housework *
* I feel likeJulie Andrews **
[Tractor Engine]
[Havana]|You eat good, Zeke.
You know,|I'm having the best day.
It's like I've never felt|such peace before.
[Sighs] I wanna thank you for|marrying me, Zeke. Thank you.
Oh, that-that's okay.
- Well, I have to get back to work.|- Ja. Me too.
I'm not gonna be|needing that.
You take such good|care of me.
What do I need money for|when I have you, so...
just put it back with the rest|of the money, okay.
Hey, come here, you little runt!|Come here!
- If I catch you, you're dead meat.!|- Shoo, shoo, shoo!
[Chickens Squawking]
[Havana]|Hey.! Where are you?
- [Squawking]|- [Screams]
You want this?
You've been tryin' to trick me,|just pretending to be a good wife.
But let me tell you something.|You're never going to get this...
- Yes!|- Money!
You little, fainting,|geeky creep!
I am this close to putting you|over my knee and giving you a spanking!
I hate being married to you.|I hate it! Any man would.
Then do something about it.|Gimme the money and I'm outta here.
One quick divorce and I'm|Havana What-Was-Her-Name.
- That sounds good but what's a divorce?|- It is a ticket out of hell.
- No, we can't have divorce.|- No, you sit!
Listen, you let me take the heat|on this one from Uncle Wilhelm, okay?
If I tell him I am a lousy wife|with lousy wifely skills...
and an overbearing sexual appetite,|he will cut us both a little slack.
Then you give me my money,|and I am gone. Deal?
Is it?
No, you got|to spit first.
Set it in.
[Whispers]|Inside. Come on. Inside.
Come on.
Come inside.|Come inside.
Load it up.
Zeke, if I can be|a little bit critical here...
Ooh. Um, I think you should|lighten up a little bit.
Have some fun.
Stop being so serious|all the time.
Be happy.
Quit letting all those little kids|get the best of you all the time, you know.
[Mock Crying]|No, this can't be.
I can't believe that a man I actually|loved and married could be a thief.
[Mock Crying Continues]|I thought I could trust Peter.
I thought he believed|in the things I believed in.
He spoke all the time|of honesty and virtues and God.
What does God think?|[Sobbing]
I thought who|could think anymore?
I feel so... tawdry...
so... soiled.
Disgraced by the shame|of greed and lust.
The money should|be burned.
- It certainly should be.|- We must all agree.
Excuse me.
I agree the money is tainted, but tainted|or not, it is not ours to burn.
Yeah. Yes.
Leviticus says that|we must restore...
that which was|deceitfully gotten.
Of all of'em...
[Chuckles]|I love Leviticus the most.
[Men Whispering]
Since Peter was my brother and he|carried both my name and my blood...
I think that I should be the one|to return the money.
But, Ezekiel, you are not|your brother's keeper.
Yes, but I am the keeper of the shame|that Peter brings to my family...
and to the entire Colony|with his sinful thievery.
But, Ezekiel, a job like this|is... is for a man.
How can I be a husband|without first being a man?
Yes.|This I cannot argue.
And as your wife,|I'll help you in every way I can.
I'll make sure you get there.|[Sniffles]
God be with you,|Ezekiel.
Inside are your birth certificate,|farmer's driving permit...
marriage license|for the border crossing...
and $300.
- That's a lot of money, Uncle Wilhelm.|- We'll bring back any extra.
Listen to God.
- And return with God.|- I will, Mother.
Okay, now, when they ask you|why we're going to the States...
- what are you gonna say?|- We're going to return stolen money.
- That's an excellent answer.|- Thank you. I thought so too.
- It's excellent if you want to go to jail.|- What?
You say that, they're gonna figure you|were in on the robbery.
The first thing that they're gonna do|is burn your little hat.
And the second thing they're gonna do|is take your Bible away.
And the third thing|is the worst thing.
- What?|- Rats.
Rats in your face.
Rats all night long,|back and forth.
They seem to like faces more|than anything. They're bred that way.
They're called... face rats.
- Face rats?|- Mm-hmm.
So we're gonna have to lie|a little teeny bit.
Oh, I don't like to lie.
You like your face|to be eaten by rats?
[Sighs]|Okay. What do I have to say?
Repeat after me. We are going to|visit family in Montana for the day.
We are going...|to visit family...
in Montana for the day.
- Welcome to U.S. Of A.|- Thank you. [Laughs]
- Anything to declare?|- Uh, we are visiting family in Montana.
We're visiting family|in Montana.
All right. I ain't deaf. I heard you|the first time. Anything to declare?
[Clears Throat]
Family... in Montana...|for the day.
Do you have anything|to declare?
Anything you wanna|tell me about?
- All right, all right.|My brother robbed the fair.|- Shh.
- [Panting] Rats!|Rats on my face all night long!|- Please.
I don't wanna go to jail!|I hate face rats!
[Horn Honking]
[Horn Stops]
It is our honeymoon.|He's just nervous.
Pickin' 'em kind of green,|aren't ya?
They're still trainable|that way.
This farm permit isn't legal|in the United States, so you'll have to drive.
- He can try again when he starts to shave.|- [Laughs]
[Engine Starts, Stalls,|Gears Grind]
[Engine Starts]
[Gears Grinding]
[Pops Into Gear]
[Gears Grind]
Welcome to the U.S. Of A.
- Why didn't you tell me you can't drive?|- I can't drive stick!
What is so hard?|Come on, it's simple!
- If it was so simple, I could do it!|- Look, okay.
You step on the clutch|and move the gears.
Then you let up on the clutch|and you step on the gas.!
- I'm doing that.|- No, you're not!
- [Engine Stalls]|- Aw! Why you stall so much?
A little faster.|Do it a little faster.
No, easily. Not so fast like that,|okay? Okay...
- Okay, shift now.|- I think you got it now.
This is where|our son died.
[Markowski]|Where's the girl?
She's gone|with her new husband.
New husband? She|didn't waste any time.
Ezekiel was Peter's brother.|That's our way.
Ah. True love.|It's a beautiful thing.
Where'd the lovebirds go?
They've gone into America|to return the money.
The money?
- It didn't burn?|- No, it's safe.
Have the Mounties|been here?
Should I contact them?
Definitely not, padre.|Hell, I'm the man you're looking for.
The final man.
The final man is good...|very, very good.
Why can't we just sleep|in the truck?
I'm through sleeping|in things with wheels.
[People Chattering]
I've never seen anything|like this before.
There are people swimming|in the fishing pond.
It's a pool. And if you like it so much,|you can sleep in it, okay.
But go get me|my room first.
Can't we share?|It'd be cheaper if we shared.
Fine, we'll share.|Make sure it has soft beds.
Good-bye.|See you later. Good-bye.
[Woman Over P.A.]|Mr. Stevens to the office, please.
Mr. Stevens, please come|to the office.
- Hello.|- What do you want?
We'd like to|share your room.
- Say that again.|- My wife and I, we'd like|to share your room, please.
- Our what?|- She said as long as there was|a soft bed it'd be all right.
- Oh, my Lord!|- This seems fine, I guess.
Get out of here,|you little weirdo!
- Out! Out!|- But...
- [Door Closes]|- [Whistling]
[Whistling Continues]|Hey, yoo-hoo.
Here's the key.
There's our room.|Good-bye.
Where are you going?
Well, I'm going to meet|an old friend of mine.
Jack... Daniels.!|Whoo-hoo!
[Laughing]|Leave the door unlocked.
I do love her outfit.
- If you want to do it, go and do it!|- Okay.
- You're going to do it anyway, right?|- Yeah.
So go, go on!|Go on and do it.
You don't have to yell, Harry.
Women. Hmph.
Let me give you some advice,|never get married.
I know exactly|what you mean.
Beforehand,|they treat you like a king.
After you make that big mistake,|they treat you like a dog.
All the time,|they're just interested in one thing.
You know what that|one thing is, don't you?
- The money.|- Damn straight!
My new husband...|we just don't fit.
I mean, every time I find a man,|it's the wrong one...
and this latest one, well,|he just comes up pretty short.
About four feet tall.
Am I too short too?
No! Uh-uh!
- You look about right. Mm-hmm.|- Really?
My name's Link.
- And it would be, wouldn't it?|- [Chuckling]
Well, my name... is Marilyn.
Can I buy you a drink...|Marilyn?
Havana, we took vows!
Zeke, go back to the room.|We'll discuss this later.
- Who's the half-pint?|- I'm this woman's husband!
Whoa. What's|going on here?
"Walk in the spirit, and ye shall|not fulfill the lust of the flesh."
You may be my husband...
but I am still your elder,|so go back to our room.
Maybe you didn't marry me,|Havana, but I married you!
Remember that!
- So you're baby-sittin'|or somethin', is that it?|- Or something.
- I gotta go.|- What?
Come on now, hold on, gorgeous.|We're not done yet.
- Yes, I am.|- Wait. Now, come...
[Ezekiel] Next to murder, you have|committed the worst sin there is.!
And I'm married to it.
What does he have|that I don't?
Nothing...|but 20 hard years.
Strong arms.|Kisses great.
It was the usual|bar pickup stuff.
But what about the real husband stuff?|What about that?
What is that?
Can you trust him?
Does he pray?
Is he kind to plants|and animals?
Is his word golden?
Isn't this what a real|husband's supposed to be?
I think I'm gonna be sick.
[Toilet Flushes]
Come here.
Have you ever done...
anything really rotten?
Anything that|you're really ashamed of?
Sure. A lot.
Like what?|[Chuckles]
Well, when I first met you...
I wanted you to die.
Oh, that's not so bad.
I've wanted to die myself...|more times than not.
But I don't want you...|to die now.
Really! Really, really.
Why are you crying?
It's just...
a husband like you|doesn't come along every day.
Is that good or bad?
Oh, Zeke...
any woman's gonna be lucky|to nab you.
I'm not that good.
What about...
What about|the mating part?
Oh, well...
that's not all|that it's cracked up to be.
So... we don't have|to do that part?
You just wait...
until you're with somebody you can|love with all your heart.
[Car Horn Honking]
Do you see this line?
Do you see this badge?
Any Hutterites crossed here|in the last 12 hours?
- Yeah. A kid and his wife.|- Name of EzekielJakobson by any chance?
- Something like that.|- Well, I'll be damned! She married a kid!
Yeah.|It takes all kinds.
Okay, here you go.
Wir batten Dich, Herr Gott Himmlischer|vater segne diese deine Gaben.
Die wir von Deiner|reichen milden Hand.
Zu nus nehum und empfagen wereden Durch.|Jesum Christem. Amen
- Amen.|- [Woman] Amen.
[Whispering] I was thinking.|We could split the money.
What would I do|with money?
Just think about this.|Okay?
We could go away somewhere for a week|just like two pals hanging out.
Then, after that, I'd make sure|you'd get home safe and sound.
- But what about returning the money?|- Zeke!
The fair doesn't need that money. They|make more money than that every day.
Nobody will ever know.
It'll be like|our little secret.
- Deal?|- We cannot do that.
- Zeke!|- "Lead me not into temptation."
- Don't you want more?|- More ice cream?
More everything!
I have everything.
Don't you want to do something|that would make you important, famous?
Wouldn't you want the whole|world to know who you are?
Well, God knows who I am.
And I know who God is.
And God knows the world.
So it's kinda like|I know the world, right?
And that's enough for you?
Ja... with a lot left over.
Fine. I'm going|to the bathroom.
Look! It's a helicopter.
Excuse me. Miss?
You know that little boy? Can you|make sure he gets to the bus station?
Give him a piece of pie and in here|are exact directions where he's going.
If he faints, give him a little nudge.|He'll pop up like a turnover.
Don't screw it up.
Keep your eyes|on the damn ball!
[Radio]|I'm on my way
Never know where I'm goin'|Just takin'it day by day
Day by day
[Radio Off]
[Speaking|Hutterite German]
Hey, kid...
any chance|you're EzekielJakobson?
I am.
[Chuckles]|Well, how you doin'?
- Who are you?|- I'm an old friend of Havana's. Where is she?
- She deserted me.|- Oh.
That's a nasty habit.|Why don't we go find her?
Have you ever been left by a wife?
[Chuckles]|That's your first mistake, son.
You put a ring|around a woman's finger...
she'll put a tighter one|around your ba... Around your nose.
There she is!
Okay, kid,|what do you wanna do?
"Now the wicked must eat|the fruit of their own way."
All right, kid,|let me show you America.
Oh, for chrissakes!
- [Markowski] Pull over.|- Zeke, you shouldn't have told him.
You shouldn't be without me.|You're my wife!
Watch it!
Don't hurt her!
Zeke, hold on!
All right, hand over the money or get|to know the color of the kid's brains.
F.B.I., my ass!
Oh, I'm F.B.I. All right. I'm just not|stupid F.B.I. Hand it over or I get ugly.
Take it!
All right, kid...|get out.
Your tour is over.
Zeke, get back over here!
No! You make me sick.
- Get in the truck.|- I am not going anywhere with you!
I'm not going to sit around here|and argue with you about this.
Just go away!
- Come here.|- What are you... Hey!
- You put me down!|- Do what I tell you.
You're trying|to get us killed. Get in.
- I'm your husband! You have to...|- Get in the truck!
- Get in. Get down! Get down.|- What? What are you doing?
Go get the money.
Come on!
Come on!
Where are|you taking me?
To the state fair. To get you and this money|out of my life once and for all.
Been nothing but a nightmare.|First we ditch this truck.
- Why?|- Because the F.B.I. Is on us.|We don't have time to drive.
- We're gonna have to fly.|- Doesn't it cost a lot of money?
Who cares?|We've got it.
That is not our money!|We will take a bus.
You are so cheap!
I do not do buses.
I do not do planes!
[Train Whistle Blowing]
[Ezekiel]|It's cold out here.
Do you think that my brother|was a bad person?
- I just think that he|didn't know how to listen.|- To what?
To that little voice inside that|tells you what's okay and what's not.
Do you hear it?
It's getting pretty hazy.
It better start coming clearer|'cause this deal is getting tiring.
- You want to go to sleep?|- No, I don't mean tired like that.
I mean, tired like I'm sick|of pretending all the time.
Here, put this on.
What do|you pretend about?
Well, for one thing,|my name isn't really Havana.
It's not? No?
It's Betsy...|Betsy Iggits.
I thought Havana sounded better:|More glam, more with it.
Kinda one of those|one-name things...
like Madonna and Cher...|Marilyn.
Who's Marilyn?
Who's Marilyn?|Marilyn Monroe?
- Only my hero.|- Why?
Zeke, she was beautiful.
She had fabulous houses|and boats and men...
and cars and furs|and jewels and clothes.
- And everything a girl could want.|- She had a nice family too?
Well, that part|didn't work out so good.
But you said that|she had everything.
And if she didn't have|a nice family...
it sounds like|she had nothing.
It does kinda sound|like that, huh?
I have a nice family. Do you?
I don't know. I guess they're nice.|I don't really think about them.
You don't think about|your family all the time?
No! That's why|I left home.
That's why I left Milwaukee, so I wouldn't|have to think about them or Milwaukee.
Is that what|that Marilyn girl told you to do?
'Cause if so, she's wrong|and you should tell her...
that she should go back home and see|her family before she doesn't have any left.
Okay, Zeke, I told you I'd get you to|the state fair and I have.
- So, if they catch me|they're gonna arrest me.|- No, they won't.
You don't understand.|I helped Peter with that robbery.
You did?
It's a crime.|I'll go to jail.
Remember... face rats?|Not my idea of a good time, either.
No! Not a face rat|will touch you.
I promise, I won't let|anybody take you to jail.
Zeke, this is|where I get off.
Go down that street and at the very end|there's a white building.
Go in there, ask for|the manager's office.
Tell them you want|to return the money.
Will you wait here?
I think we should say good-bye now.
I'll pray for you.
Thanks. I think I'll need it.
Wait a second, okay.|I'm going to be right back.
I just wanna make sure he's okay.
[P.A. System]|Ladies and gentlemen, just a reminder...
thoroughbred racing|starts at 2:;00 p.m.
We've got some great horses|running here today.
You're not going|to want to miss it.
Post time is 2:;00 p.m.
Eye on the ball.|Keep your eye on the ball.
Betsy, you've gotta get outta here.|They're looking for ya.
Thanks, Rusty.
- Gotcha! Gimme the bag, kid!|- [Screaming]
Hey! Hey!
Come on!
Stop him! Hey!
- Help me! Help me!|- F.B.I.
- Call security!|- Gimme the bag!
Get the hell outta here! Ow!
Run, Zeke!
Roger, I heard it. Someone calling|for security in area seven.
- It may be Havana.|If you see her, lock her up.|- Copy that.
Kid, come on, slow down!
Come on, somebody help me.
- Who the heck are you?|- F.B.I. F.B.I.
I don't care who you are. You better|get out from under that bull.
[Markowski]|Stop that kid.!
Yah! Yah!
- Get going! Get going! Yah! Yah!|- Come on, slow down.
You son of a...
[Clown]|Balloons! Here's a green one.
Thank you.
No. No,|I won't faint.
I won't faint!
- You jerk!|- What do you think you're doing?
Back off, fellas. F.B.I.
[Havana]|Zeke? Zeke?
F.B.I. Okay?
- Stop him, stop him!|- It's over, everybody. Relax.
- She's got an air conditioned cab.|- [Tractor Motor Starts]
Hey, wait! Hey!
Get off of me, you bitch!
No, no. Put me down.
Put me down.! I'm F.B. I...!
Put me down.|Put me down!
[Zeke]|You have to let her go!
She helped me! You can't|take her to jail. She's my wife!
Your wife.
He's my husband. If you have a problem|with me, then just deal with me.
Leave him out of it.|He's a good man.
- A man.|- He's the biggest man I know.|So, he's not the tallest.
You're the F.B.I.|What do I do?
It's up to you, sir.|You want to press charges?
She was wrong to help|my brother, but she's changed!
I couldn't have|returned it without her.
We had to spend some of it|on the way, but...
But whatever's missing, I'll work to|pay it back. I'll do whatever you want.
Just don't take her to jail.
Well, I don't know.|She sure did make some fool outta me.
Um, could you|come here please, sir?
Chapter 26, verse 6.
"To forgive a woman with stain|in her hands, but health in her heart...
"makes a higher man|ofhe who forgiveth.
"And God|shall such remember...
"when such a day of final|reckoning comes forth.
For he shall be coveted|as a man among men."
Sir, I think thatJob|was speaking to you.
Look, son...
the state fair has offered a $25,000 reward|for the return of this money.
That's for you!
No, I don't want|any reward.
I just want my wife.
I don't know if you're crazy,|orjust crazy for this woman.
But you got a deal!
[Men Laughing]
- Welcome home, Ezekiel.|- Thanks.
Sorry about that.
I deserved it.
Thanks for saving me back there|at the fair.
You saved me back with|that quote from the Bible.
I'm gonna have|to thankJob one day.
No. Thank me.|I made it up.
But I don't thinkJob would be mad.|It was for a good cause.
You actually think I could turn out|to be a good cause, hmm?
You already are!
Friends forever?
Forever and a day.
Ah, where are you going|to go to now?
Home to see my family.
Havana,|will I ever see you again?
No...|but you'll see Betsy.
We're doing that again|in ten years!
If you don't, I will!
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