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Idol The

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Still no news?
The viper hasn't said anything?
The viper?
The concierge.
Other people's business doesn't really interest me.
An empty apartment these days, when so many poor sods are homeless...
it's revolting.
Mind you, some big family with kids running wild
wouldn't thrill me either.
Would you like my picture?
Who on earth is that?
Anyhow, pretty soon
you won't give a damn.
See you tomorrow.
Hi, Mr Zao.
You won't forget the birds?
Don't worry, Caroline,
I'm leaving them to you.
I'll love them like little babies.
Mum said we should take them to Grandma's.
Country air's better, but I don't want to.
See you.
I noticed, Mademoiselle,
that you left your keys in the door.
I'm your neighbour.
And as a precaution, I took the liberty...
Good night, Mr Zao.
Good night, Caroline.
Retirement Village
What are you up to, Roger?
Just getting some air.
I'll be right there.
You coming today, or next week?
Little slut.
Do you really like it here?
With old people everywhere...
I like it.
End it here, end it elsewhere... We've got to end it somewhere.
To think I put in 30 years on the night train, Paris-Venise-Paris.
I sure met a lot of nymphomaniacs on those trains.
Turned on by the guard's uniform, no doubt.
That wheelbarrow over there...
Don't you find it odd?
I suppose so, yeah.
It's lying on its back,
with its legs in the air.
Believe me, sex is everywhere.
Take that nurse's behind...
Watching her push a wheelchair could give an iron a hard-on.
Did I ever tell you the one "life is a cucumber?"
Twenty times.
You know that loony neighbour of yours?
Some guy comes to see her every three days.
Always at the same time.
And, let me tell you...
Why should I care?
It's impossible to know what you Chinese are thinking.
Even when you hate us, you smile politely.
You don't hate me, do you Mr Zao?
Not at all, Mr Castellac. Not at all.
That's good.
It's teatime.
If you don't come back to the building, will you sell your flat?
Are you the owner?
I am.
Already ready to leave?
You know I have to.
What I know,
is that you come here just to fuck me.
Fellatio, penetration...
makes for a lovely evening.
Don't be vulgar, Sarah.
I'm supposed to empty your balls with elegance?
Don't you hear yourself while you're fucking me?
You talk a lot, you know.
I just say the regular things.
I'm one of your "regulars" now?
I wonder if you say as much
to your wife...
What's got into you now?
Do you lick her neck too,
whispering filth in her ear?
That's enough. Don't start again.
No, it's not enough.
Know what I see in your eyes?
Stop your melodrama. There's nothing to see.
That's what you think.
I learned from my drama teacher, a Russian.
Was it Rasputin, by any chance?
- You're making fun of me. - No.
You are.
I'm not.
- You poked me in the eye. - Not on purpose.
Yes, on purpose!
Of course not, you're out of your mind.
Sure, I'm out of my mind...
It can't go on like this with your wife, I'm sick of her.
What should I do? Poison her?
You've got some strange ideas.
You pushed me into saying it.
Let's go get some dinner.
I'm not hungry.
What are you doing here?
I'm sorry, Mademoiselle.
My dog has no manners.
Arthur, don't go into people's homes without being invited!
His name is Arthur?
And I'm Caroline.
I'm Sarah.
You know the concierge?
She told me you're an artist.
Just an understudy.
That's not an artist?
Not exactly.
It's complicated.
Take me for example...
I dream of playing Viviane...
in a theatre piece
that is completely suffocating.
Viviane is blind...
And has no lovers.
Understand, Caroline?
Yes, Mademoiselle.
Don't ever be an understudy!
I won't, I promise.
Arthur needs to go out to do his business.
Bye, Mademoiselle.
Sorry to bother you,
but I noticed you were back.
I'm Sarah Silver, your neighbour.
Pleased to meet you.
I've got an electrical problem, I thought maybe you could help me.
Electricity really scares me.
That and spiders. Awful!
I can't even think about them.
Can you get it?
You're my hero.
Deep down,
I wish I didn't exist.
That would be ideal.
Wouldn't it?
I'm not qualified to answer that question.
Of course not.
I'm an idiot, such an idiot!
Do you have a moment to listen,
so I can get a few things off my chest?
We have here
a manuscript,
"Obscure is the Night"
A play by Viktor Flamme.
Heard of it?
It doesn't matter. So...
my boyfriend...
Actually my lover, to be honest.
He's playing the male lead.
His wife is playing the female lead,
the "Star"
in the role of Viviane.
has gone blind
after a car accident.
And I am merely Sylvia Martin's understudy.
Is that clear, young man?
Who is Sylvia Martin?
She is the wife of Monsieur Philippe.
In the play?
No! In real life.
they told me Ms Martin would only do 20 shows,
then I'd have the part.
And you know what?
That's been a running joke for 3 months.
We've performed in Toulouse, Brussels,
Amsterdam... And I've played, what?
Hang on, I can count it on one hand. One, two, three, four, five.
Five times total.
And every single time,
they mention my accent.
What do you think of my accent?
It's excellent.
Well, it's better than mine.
In a few days,
it's the dress rehearsal in Paris,
with me
waiting in the wings
hoping she gets a nose bleed
or breaks her leg.
I know how to create a real scandal.
I'm going to kill myself that night.
Have you eaten much lately?
Sugar water, that's all.
Everything else just comes back up. Through my nose, even.
Let me tell you something.
I am a former cook.
You don't look like it.
Chinese cooking can work miracles.
It can give a dead man an appetite.
That's why we traditionally
place food on the shrines of our ancestors.
Is that so?
I didn't know.
Just what is your Chinese cooking, Mr Zao?
This envelope was under your door.
Could you read it to me?
I can't decipher the writing.
It's extremely personal, Mademoiselle.
"You are requested to be less vocal when making love.
Your screams echo through the courtyard.
Children can hear you, neighbours are complaining.
Our apartment building is a respectable place.
The sexual activities of its occupants have always been carried out
with complete discretion.
I will have to report your behavior
to the Tenants' Association.
Signed Jeanine Bordas"
Who is Jeanine Bordas?
The concierge.
Is it a serious offence in France?
Not to my knowledge.
We're supposed to be quiet
after ten at night.
it's "la liberté" around here.
"I'll never manage it. Never!"
"Be quiet. Have confidence, in yourself and in me.
Come on."
"Don't insist, Michel, don't insist."
"Is that what you really want?"
"For me not to insist?"
"I don't know."
Hey, Mr Zao?
Would you read me the lines?
The lines? Are you sure?
Put down your tray.
Remember, Viviane is blind.
After a car accident.
That's right.
Should I follow the directions as well as say the lines?
Of course.
"Michel leads Viviane in an awkward dance."
No! Listen, Mademoiselle...
What is it now?
Don't forget I'm blind.
You're Philippe.
I mean Michel.
Start reading your lines from here.
Make me dance!
"Let yourself go, Viviane.
Let yourself go,
like a child
on a swing...
With the wind in...
her hair."
"Michel, I beg you."
"What is it?"
"The whole world is spinning in my head, and you talk of swings...
And ouch!
You stepped on my foot."
"I'm sorry, I dance like a monkey."
It says donkey.
"I dance like a donkey."
You're a very bad actor.
I must be honest with you.
I never claimed otherwise.
That's true.
It smells awfully good.
I love this, it's delicious.
You're a magician, Mr Zao.
Just a cook, Mademoiselle.
Call me Sarah.
Hello, Mr Zao.
Did you hire a chintoque servant?
Yeah, a chink.
A Chinese guy came in with flowers.
He didn't say a word, then took your nightgown.
That's Mr Zao.
He's a friend.
He takes care of me.
He cooks for me.
Food that can wake the dead.
We get along famously.
The "chink" has centuries of civilization behind him.
China, you know.
You'd never bring me flowers like this.
You always said you didn't like them.
And you believed me?
Here we go, another tantrum.
Don't worry.
But this is the last time.
What last time?
The last time you make love to me.
The last time you sodomize me.
The last time I swallow your sperm.
The last time you give me a slobbery hickey.
Honestly Sarah, you should see a psychiatrist.
In the meantime, don't bother coming back here.
As you wish.
I won't be at your dress rehearsal.
Find another understudy.
Sarah Silver is breaking out of your monkey house.
Tell your wife Viviane is no longer being cheated on.
We stopped by to say hello.
Been cooking again?
I rediscovered a taste for my old profession,
quite by accident.
By accident?
My foot!
So, what's new?
You're not the same since she moved in.
- We're worried about you. - Very much so.
Gilberte and I think you're getting caught in her web.
I'm just helping her, that's all.
That's all?
Come now, Roger!
You reek of rum.
Got something against rum?
Who makes it, in the sweltering sun?
Those little Negroes, working upside-down!
- What are you on about? - What?
Is the earth round or not, damn it?
- Be polite! - We're on top, they're on the bottom!
I'm sick of being contradicted.
Calm down, Mr Castellac.
In the cosmos there is no top or bottom.
There isn't even a middle.
Because you think that I think
their heads are upside down on the other side?
Just because you've seen the world doesn't make me an idiot!
In the meantime, the petition is going around.
What about?
To get her kicked out.
Look at the damage she's done to an educated man like you.
You're cooking again, for some foreign girl.
When you've never baked us a single cake.
Cakes for that bitch in heat!
You don't mind hearing her orgasm.
You old bastard.
Think I'm not wise to you?
I'm taking notes for the petition!
If you'll excuse me,
I've got something to do.
Bake a few cakes?
For the one whose door is always open?
Mr Castellac, if you poke your nose into my business, I'll...
You can't take a joke, can you?
That's a sure sign
something fishy is going on.
I took the liberty.
I love it when people take such sweet liberties.
What an unusual scent.
Is it spices?
I swear to you...
Without you, I'd be lost here.
I got dressed up.
Me too.
Do you like my dress?
Very pretty.
I was supposed to wear it in the play.
After tonight, I'll never wear it again.
Good evening Mr Zao, good evening Mademoiselle.
Good evening, Caroline.
Tell me...
you're a wise man.
Don't you think we're acting now, like in the theatre?
We're always acting a little, like in the theatre.
Some more than others, without knowing it.
Without knowing it.
Is that the shrine to your ancestors?
Let me have a look.
It's beautiful.
Beautiful and practical, isn't it?
Like a little home cemetery.
Your dead are here.
At home with you, night and day.
Are these photos?
Can I look?
Who's this?
My sister.
I won't bother seeing you home.
I had a wonderful evening.
Thank you, you're a prince.
You mustn't get the idea we could make love together.
Promise me, you wouldn't dare.
I promise you.
Thank you.
Good night.
Come in.
Let me introduce myself.
Castellac, Roger Castellac.
Your upstairs neighbour.
I know of your problems,
so I took it upon myself to bring you some comfort.
My problems?
A building like this
is like sugar dissolved in a glass of water.
Everyone knows everything.
Or else they figure it out.
For the basics, Mr Zao's taking good care of you.
But Mr Castellac
can cheer you up.
I'm fun. A bon vivant,
as they say.
- Is the petition meant to cheer me up? - That's not me.
It's Gilberte, my wife, that...
I'd rather not talk about her. Forget her.
Let's be reasonable.
Here, let's have some rum from Martinique.
It'll liven you up.
Got some glasses?
Don't trouble yourself.
I make you laugh?
If you could just see yourself.
You've no need to be sad.
Hey, do you know the one about life being a cucumber?
is a cucumber.
Today you have it in your hand.
it's up your arse!
It's delicious.
Go on,
try it.
Make an effort.
It'll put fire in your veins.
It'll heat up your stomach.
And your organs.
Get out, vile creature!
Bitch! Little slut!
We've all heard you come.
You need a dick! A big railway worker's dick!
I couldn't control it.
I didn't mean to.
It just happened.
I'm disgusting.
I'm so ashamed.
- You should be. - So ashamed.
I behaved like a pig.
Pigs do not behave that way, Monsieur!
I'm worse than a pig.
You're bleeding a lot.
That'll teach me.
I don't deserve to wear this uniform.
I used to be a union representative.
You know,
it wasn't really me who misbehaved.
- Who was it? - An urge.
It's hard to resist urges. They make you do things.
Carnal things, usually.
You understand?
But I won't bother you anymore,
with my problems.
You're not going to cry?
Not in front of you.
Come on, Mr Castellac.
Take your urges and leave.
Don't try again, or I'll tell your wife.
Anything but that!
Hello, Mr Zao.
Hello, Caroline.
- Am I disturbing you? - Not at all.
For you.
Thank you.
Thank you, Caroline.
They're ginger.
I can see that.
Why are you always so enigmatic?
Because I'm Chinese.
Ah, I see.
Is it true, Mr Zao?
That ginger enhances desire?
Hi, Caroline.
Do you want to have tea with us?
You know what, Mr Zao?
Castellac fell down in the basement and cracked his head open.
Poor man.
I know all about it.
It's nothing serious.
That's good.
Want some tea? I'll get you a cup.
I know where the tea cups are.
He prefers the ones with the birds.
Anyway I have to go, I have an appointment. Bye, Mr Zao.
Good bye.
Why didn't you stay in the rest home?
No idea.
Maybe I wanted to come back to reality.
Am I reality for you?
A true and a false reality, all at once.
You're not vomiting on my seats?
It's been happening more and more.
For whatever reason, they vomit on my seats.
What you are doing, Mademoiselle?
I wanted a photo of this great actress, as I'm leaving...
Do you understand?
Show us your identification, please.
Yes, Madam.
You're Australian?
My father is French, but I never knew him, I swear.
What you were doing is called "destruction of public property."
Which means, we can arrest you.
Go back to the car.
I'll finish with her.
Do you need help?
This time you can keep the photos,
but don't do it again, Sarah Silver.
Thank you.
Can you get it?
Spying on me now?
I'm sorry.
I was worried when you left in the middle of the night.
You've no right to be worried about me.
I know.
Since you're here, you can help me.
See her?
I put a hex on her.
I punched out her eyes.
You understand?
Who is she?
"Who is she?"
It's her!
Sylvia Martin, my understudy!
Don't look at me like that.
I want her to go blind for real.
During the dress rehearsal.
Meanwhile, I'll be...
Mr Philippe too?
Should he go blind too?
He should see her go blind, for real!
Don't you have a secret spell to put on awful people?
You must choose sides, Mr Zao.
It's not enough to cook for little Sarah.
You're not feeling well?
Isn't it obvious?
I've got a splitting headache.
Let me take care of it.
Hello, fire department?
A young woman has attempted suicide at 103 Rue Bergère, 3rd floor.
Excuse me, 2nd floor.
No, she's not dead yet.
Good evening Mr Zao, good evening Mademoiselle.
What is this?
Why did you replace my sleeping pills?
To keep you from dying.
I was all ready to poison myself to death.
That was my desire.
- To death, but... - But what?
Everyone will know I failed!
How embarrassing.
It's your fault, you evil man.
I never should've trusted your serpent smile.
You should have stayed in your rest home.
He wants to slap me.
My cook wants to slap me.
Open up!
It's the concierge with the firemen.
Can you hear me?
Someone called about a suicide.
Where's the victim?
Well, I'm kind of the victim.
But it's a mistake, you see?
You're the one who attempted suicide?
It was like a joke.
You don't joke with Paris firemen!
Let me handle this.
Mademoiselle believed she had swallowed sleeping pills,
when in fact it was rice.
She panicked
and called the fire department.
Right, whatever. Sign this discharge, please.
Thank you.
Call us when you're really going to do it, OK?
Mr Zao can give you mouth-to-mouth in the meantime.
Japanese troops have entered Peking
it's me, Phillippe.
Did I wake you? Of course.
Sarah, something awful has happened.
What happened? After dress rehearsal,
we all went out to eat. We were a bit drunk.
When we left, Andy and Sylvia were mucking about.
Then suddenly...
it was horrible, babe. Really horrible...
Hello? Tell me!
What happened?
Hit by a car. Who?
it's very serious. She was hit hard.
It's atrocious.
A real nightmare.
Are you there?
I'm at the hospital with her. Emergency.
She's in a coma.
What did they say?
There isn't much hope for her.
I'm desperate to see you.
Babe, do you hear me?
Sarah, my angel, I need you.
Arthur, am I dreaming or what?
"My dear Mr Zao,
Life has caught up with me.
I'm leaving the theatre."
She doesn't want to be an artist anymore!
"How can I express what I feel for you?
Words escape me.
Meeting you
Is one of the most important things that ever happened to me.
I'll miss your wisdom,
your kindness and your cooking.
But I must say adieu."
Did you hear that, Arthur? She said "adieu".
Good, she's gone.
"I'll always think of you. Try to think of me.
"It was wrong to put a hex on Sylvia Martin.
That must remain our secret."
Viviane is blind.
My poor old fellow.
You have to face the facts.
They're a different species.
But that doesn't make it right.
Just leaving, without a word.
It hurts.
You were a father to that girl.
And me...
a bit like a big brother.
If you need anything, I'm here.
One time I listened at her door. She left it open a lot.
It was impolite of me, but oh well...
Too bad for her.
Since I've got ears like a cat,
I heard her talking on the phone.
Know what she said?
What did she say?
She said she hated her apartment,
and some old Chinese man was bothering her.
Meaning you, of course.
Of course.
Some women are just no good.
She even put a hex on Sylvia Martin.
Is it true what Mr Castellac said?
What did he say?
That life is a cucumber.
Castellac is full of nonsense.
That's good.
I'm glad to hear it.
Can I have some cake?
I know I was being greedy.
But you scared me, Mr Zao.
Tomorrow I'm going to my dad's with Arthur.
It's about time.
I'll send you a card, I promise.
Can I make some more tea?
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