Joey 1x03 - Joey and the party
And strike three!
Derek Jeter doesn't strike out on three curve balls in a row.
Do you know that the laws of physics suggest that
curve ball is actually impossible.
Why do you have to ruin stuff like that ?
"A curve ball is impossible."
"Don't eat that, it's solid mold."
"That's not a dog, it's a possum! Stop letting it lick your face!" Why?
Okay, I gotta get to school.
Dude, let me let you in on a little secret.
You don't live with your mom anymore.
You don't have to go to school.
Stay here. We'll have fun.
I really have to finish some work.
So ? You can work here.
There's a comfy couch.
What else do you need?
A Cray T-3E 1200 Super-computer.
The lamp has three settings.
Look, I don't have anyone to hang out with here.
Do you have to go to school every day?
Isn't the teacher ever sick or you get, like, a snow day or something?
There are not too many snow days in L.A.
Although it's funny you mention that,
'cause I'm studying a climate-change scenario right now,
where the polar ice caps melt...
Oh, just go!
I know I can beat you.
This is a new low.
Did you break another piece off the wall?
It's just begging to be climbed !
I just want to drop off Michael's laundry.
I need to get back to the salon.
You're going in this late ?
Yeah, my 1st client cacelled. God rest her soul.
I was hoping you could stay.
I was thinking maybe we could hang out.
Why, is something wrong?
I don't know.
I mean, I like L.A. and all, but
being between projects and not knowing that many people yet,
I'm kind of lonely.
How are you supposed to make friends as an adult?
Have you met anybody nice in the building?
Well, there actually is this one guy, Jake.
He lives across the courtyard. He seems really cool.
Well, have you talked to him?
I've run into him a couple times by the mailboxes.
He's always going out to play basketball with his friends.
Man, if I knew him, I could play ball with them, too.
Assuming they also suck.
So why don't you be friends with him?
Yeah, why don't I just catch a rainbow and put it in my pocket?
Oh, come on, it should be easy for you:
it's like picking up a girl.
How do you do that?
I don't know.
I kinda go into a zone, you know.
I just start talking to a girl, and next thing I know,
I'm sneaking out of her appartement.
Hey, maybe and Michael should have a party. Like a house warming.
Invite the whole buiding. Have Jake come.
That's a great idea.
I can call Jake right now.
I know from the mailboxes that his last name is Morgan.
Huh? More than just a hat rack, Gina.
Okay, Morgan, Morgan...
Shoot, there's, like, ten "J. Morgans."
If only I knew his address.
Ah ! There's a guy with the same address as me !
Right! Got it. I'm on it.
You hear that ?
That might be, Jake. Should I go talk t him ?
Go, Joey. Go grab your rainbow.
Jake! Jake! Jake!
Hey, what's up, man?
Well, my friends call me J-Bird.
Anyway, my roomate and I are having a little party this Thursday for everyone in the building.
Yeah, sure. I'll stop by.
Awesome, you won't be sorry. The J-Bird throws a great party.
Why do I keep calling myself that?
Hold it together, J-Bird.
- Hey, Joey. - Hey.
You don't say hello to me?
Oh! I didn't even see you there. Hello! Hello!
Your skin is so beautiful.
- Enough. - Okay.
So, listen, I know you're having a party tonight,
so I just wanted to drop off a list of rules about noise and parking and stuff.
You know're invited, right?
Oh, hey, Alex.
Who were you on the phone with?
Did you ever meet Seth from college?
Was he the home-school kid with the glasses
or the asian kid allergic to light ?
I don't think you ever met him. He's this super-competitive guy.
He just called to gloat about this fellowhip he won...
like I haven't already read about it in the American Journal of Astrophysics.
By the way, can we please get some new magazinesfor the bathroom?
I mentioned the party to him, thinking he's never gonna come.
Not only is he coming now,
he wants to bring his girlfriend.
You don't understand.
If Seth has a girlfriend, it means...
Oh god, it means I'm the last guy from my group of friends that has no serious relationship.
Even after the allergic-to-light guy?
Arthur Trang does all right.
I mean, if you tell a girl
"We have to sit here in the dark or I'll die"...
That is going right in the arsenal.
God, I'm so sick of Seth beating me all the time.
You know what it's like to have someone who's like but
just a little bit better ?
Yeah ! Johnny Depp !
I don't even wantc to go tonight.
This is our party.
The whole reason to have it was to do something together.
I thought this party was for Jake.
That's right! Jake is coming!
You know what?
You need a girlfriend tonight?
I don't know this Seth guy.
I'll be your girlfriend.
Okay, Mom, no!
What, we could be a couple!
Aren't we a cute couple?
People go to jail for things like that.
Serously, mom, stop !
You don't think I'm sexy enough?
I mean, cone on, this is the body of a 22-year-old.
- I mean, look how tight my... - Please stop!
What did you say?
Well, first of all, "Oh, so tight..."
And I could do it.
You'd really do that for me?
Yeah, I could be your girlfriend.
I mean, after all, my hkfband's out of town. I could use a date.
Alex, you're a married woman.
Is that really appropriate?
You know the word "appropriate" ?
Well, um, Alex, I mean...
if-if you'd come with me tonight,
I-I-I-I'd really appreciate that.
Big step down but whatever !
Your girlfriend's here!
Oh, is what you're wearing?
I just thought you were gonna show a little more skin.
Well , sometimes, what you don't see is sexier.
Ah! Only women think that.
No, I'm sorry. You look great.
I'm just... I'm a little nervous about tonight, that's all.
I mean, if we blow this Seth.... he'll never let me hear the end of it.
Okay, my middle name is Julia.
- I grew up in... - Actually...
I had some thoughts about you backstory.
My backstory ?
I'm sorry. Am I not good enough for you ?
For believability, please lower your age to 30.
Could you not stand by the door when Jake comes in.
I don't want you two to be the first two people he sees.
- Hi. - No, no, no, no.
In you go, in you go.
Sorry I'm late I had a congratulatory phone call from Stephen Awking.
An honor, sure, but just...
This is my girlfriend Molly Wintall.
Hi. This is my girlfriend Alex Garrett.
I diddn't know you were seeing anyone.
How long have you guys been together ?
Well, it's hard to say, in a way,
because, for a long time, he didn't want to be exclusive.
This dog's gotta run!
But I guess we've together about three months.
We've been together five. That's two months more. 61 days.
- 87,840 minutes! - 87,840 minutes!
How could you?
First you break up with me, and then you show up here with this tramp?!
Jake better show.
I mean, look at these people.
Who else could I possibly be friends with here?
Crazy Pet Lady?
No sir, I do not care for the way her bird talks about our president.
Hey! I'm Howard.
From apartment 12?
Joey. This is Gina.
Hey, great! Nice to meet.
I'm actually new here in L.A.
and I find it kind of hard to meet people.
Lots of tables for one for old Howie lately.
So I was pretty excited to get your invitation.
I mean, I've seen you around the building
and I wanted to meet you and here I am!
Well, uh. Enjoy yourself.
Wow, he seems a little desperate, huh?
At least he didn't throw a party to make you his friend.
Yeah, right. Oh.
Oh! It's almost 9:00.
There'll be a visible pass by the International Space Station soon.
Molly and I share a passion for the night sky.
Oh! How nice! Michael and I share a passion for sex in public.
We'll be outside.
Sex in public?
Where'd that come from?
I read about it in Cosmo
60% of us do it.
Wait a minute.
Did you see that plate of food Seth just brought for Molly
with the chicken skewers and the mini-hot dogs?
Molly told me she's a vegeterian.
If they'd been together for 5 months, I think he would know that.
You know I noticed another weird thing. She didn't know about Seth asthma.
It sends him to the hospital, like, every other week.
It doesn't seem like they know each other very well.
Do you think she could be a fake girlfriend ?
Uh, hey, Molly...
Which one's better Jedi or Empire?
I don't know.
And when Drake Ramoray walks in and sees them in bed together?
Ah! That was an amazing scene.
Interesting story about that scene.
See, originally, Drake wasn't supposed to be in it at all.
But then, while looking for a bathroom, I accidentally walked onto the set.
The rest is history.
Well, Days of Our Lives has not been the same without you.
You know I've gote old tapes if you ever want to...
- Hey, what's going on? - Hey!
Yeah, I was just having a nice time with one of your guests here.
- Yeah, this is Jake. - This is Jake?
- Rainbow Jake? - Yeah.
Whatever that means.
So, you're a hairdresser.
Would you do anything different with my hair?
Let me see.
Turn around for a sec.
Really great body.
Enough, enough, Gina.
Maybe Jake would like a drink.
Maybe you should get him one.
Maybe you should get him one.
Maybe you should get him one.
You knowt what? I'll get myself a drink.
Can I get anything for the lady?
Yes, I'l have another Everclear and Gatorade.
Why are you flirting with Jake?
I started talking to him before I knew who he was.
You didn't tell me he was so cute.
I'm sorry, but that's not something I notice with guys and yes, I did!
Let me finish talking to him and he's all yours.
- No! - Excuse me!
I don't want you talking to him!
I told you how hard it is for me to meet people.
It's not easy for me either.
- Why can't we share him? - Because that never works.
Every time you get involved with one of my friends, you ruin it.
Either you break up with him
and he doesn't wanna be with me anymore.
Or he breaks up with you
and you scare him away.
That's why I had to quit the football team,
the baseball team...
I ended up
having to do theater!
You are being ridiculous.
Just back off, okay?
- No, you back off! - No, you back off!
I see why have trouble meeting people...
You got so much food in your teeth!
Well, I was afraid Jake wasn't going to show,
and when I get upset, I eat.
Wow, we just have so much in common!
- Get outta here! - Go!
Look, Jake is gonna be here any second with the drinks.
Why don't we let him decide who he wants to be with.
I'm so sure he's going to pick me
I'll give you a minute head start.
Look, I don't need your charity, okay ?
- Jake and I are going to be... - You just wasted 10 seconds.
Only 40 seconds left.
Nothing like a cold beer on a warm summer night, huh?
This is apple juice. I'm an alcoholic.
It's a disease.
So, what do you do for a living, Jake?
I'm a market maker in the energy sector.
I mostly do arbitrage!
Oh, hey! My uncle is a garbage man.
I'm an actor myself
and I'm not really working right now so that's not interesting.
Uh, I love video games and Die Hard.
I'm an excellent parallel parker.
I once saw M. T in a restaurant.
It's really hot in here.
You wanna go check out the patio?
Catch you later.
I knew it!
What you do see is sexier!
That is such typical Seth,
he could have just come to this party alone,
but instead he goes through all this trouble just to one-up me.
Well, he's not gonna get away with it.
I'm a lawyer.
I'll just pretend is a defendant
for a very, very geeky crime.
- They're splitting up. - Good!
Divide and conquer.
You take nerdley.
So tell me,
how exactly did you and Seth meet?
At a Memorial Day party thrown by a mutual friend.
It was a sunset cruise around Katalina Island.
That's so romantic.
And I had to go to San Francisco on business that night,
so Seth offerd to drive me to the airport.
Then when I came back, he surprised me by picking me up too.
Aww! Couple of questions:
you say you went on a sunset cruise on Memorial Day.
And then you flew toSan Francisco later that night?
So just a few weeks before summer solstice
when the sun sets well after 8 o'clock,
your sunset cruise got back in time for you to catch a flight to San Francisco
When, and correct me if I'm wrong,
the last shuttle SFO leaves at 9 p.m.
Is that what you're saying?
I... don't remember.
I wanna go back to something else that you said
about this alleged boat trip.
I don't know if you noticed, but I' been working out.
Oh, yeah, I've been working out, too.
I bench press 90 pounds.
Can you bench press your body weight?
What do you think Molly and alex are talking about?
Oh, girls stuff.
Then either it didn't happen that way
or both you and Seth are in violation of US fishery's act of 1988.
I have to go to the bathroom.
The answers aren't in there, mrs. Wintall.
Sorry to interrupt, but I have to show you something.
Armand Assante just walked in.
Oh, my God!
I love him! Where?
He's not here.
I just wanted to get you away from Jake
so I could have some time to talk to him.
You know, one day Armand Assante will be here,
and I won't go because you have fooled me so many times.
He's gonna leave soon, okay?
Can't you just let me have 5 minutes?
I already saw you give him your number.
@I put a little lipstick kiss on it,
to up what I like to call the "class factor."
Okay, how about this?
If you don't let me talk to him,
I'm going to tell him some stuff about you.
Go ahead! I don't have any secrets.
How old did you tell him you were?
- Alright, 5 minutes. - Yeah.
Thanks for the great party. I gotta take off.
Yeah, I got a basketball game in the morning.
Say, I was wondering if the J-Bird wants to come.
Oh! That's me! Yeah.
So, I'll swing by. Pick up around around 9:00?
Bur hey, Jake!
What's that you just threw out there?
Nothing. Just a phone number. That girl I was talking to...
I was hoping to get a little more than a phone number tonight
but she's got more self-esteem than that outfit would suggest.
So you're not gonna call her.
So she's fine for a solo night.
Not exactly for a dinner or a movie, right?
That's my sister, Jake.
I don't know what to say.
We're still on for basketball?
No, I think I'm gonna play basketball with some guys
who don't think my sister's trashy.
Good luck finding them.
Yeah, tell me about it!
I think I came on a little too strong with Jake.
It might have freaked him out.
He's probably not gonna call.
I saw him throw my number, Joey.
But I like your story better.
He just wanted a one-night stand, huh?
- A one-night stand... - Don't even think about it.
Are you okay?
I mean, I know how much this meant to you.
You went through all this trouble just to meet him.
Oh, no, no, no.
Hey, it's all right. It's all rigth.
I didn't think it'd be this hard to meet people, you know?
When you left home and you moved into Manhattan?
You found people there.
Yeah, but I was a kid then. It was easy, you know?
I got to go through all that again now?
Look... it will happen.
At least, this time, you got me.
I do have your number.
Now, does underlining "up late"
also help with the "class factor"?
Molly has something she'd like to say.
I don't want to do this anymore. I just want to go home.
What do you mean?
Seth, the game is up.
We know she's not your girlfriend.
Oh, my God.
Seth, why? Why did you lie?
So I could beat you for once, okay?
What are you talking about?
.Let's see, you got into Caltech's doctoral program. I got rejected.
You've got this killer apartment.
I live at home and share a bathroom with my grandmother.
I never win.
That's how you feel about me?
I have to tell you something.
Alex isn't real.
You built her?
I mean she's not really my girlfriend.
Okay, yes, I asked her to pretend to be my date tonight to
impress you 'cause I...
I feel like I never win.
Wow. Makes you think.
So I guess we both kind of learned our lesson.
- I learned it first. - I learned it better.
I kind of already knew it, actually.
I'm the one who started...
Geeks, geeks, geeks, we're done.
So he was the real reason I threw this party
and he turns out to be a jerk, you know?
All I wanted was someone to hang out with.
Okay, we can try it,
but I'm not making any promises.
You will not regret this.
Hey, Gina, on a trial basis,
Howard here is going to be my friend, okay?
Now, I don't want you hitting on him and ruining everything.
I will try to control myself. I'm only a woman.
Hey, let's play a game where you throw the trash in the bag,
but you use my body as a backboard.
This just might work out!
The season premiere of E.R.
tonight at 10/9c on NBC
I don't know why you caved we totally had them.
Are you kidding me?
They would have caught on eventually.
No one is gonna believe a girl like you would be going out with
you know, me.
Oh, please! Will stop selling yourself short like that?
I just know my limitations.
Women... don't like me.
Except lesbians who...
when I'm wearing my old glases, think I'm one of them.
Let me tell you something.
If there was a 20 year old me out there,
she would be lucky to have a guy like you.
If I could build an ultra-realistic girl robot,
I want her to be
just like you.
But I'd probably give her biger... - That's enough!
Subtitles by Jeanswey, Travis and Raceman www.forom.com
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