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Lake Placid

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They actually|pay you for this,
to tag beaver?|
Was that,|like, sarcastic?
'Cause I know what you|Fish and Game guys think
of county sheriffs.|
We know you like to|give these one-word,
sarcastic answers.|
You ask me,|
what an animal|does in the wild
is his own business.|
So long as he|doesn't do it to man.
I think Mark Twain|said that.
Yeah, I think he didn't.|
but since you said it,|I guess we're covered.
Everyone's a comedian,|sarcastic.
{Y:i}I'm sleepin'|
{Y:i}And right in the middle|of a good dream
{Y:i}And all at once|I wake up
{Y:i}From something that keeps|knocking at my brain
{Y:i}Before I go insane|
{Y:i}I hold my pillow|to my head...
Aah! Aah!|
{Y:i}So what am I|so afraid of?.
{Y:i}I'm afraid|that I'm not sure of...
{Y:i}I think I love you |
{Y:i}Isn't that what life|is made of?.
{Y:i}Though it worries...|
Aah ha!|
Ohh! Ohh!|
No! Aah!|
Ohh! Don't let go!|
Oh ho ho!|
Aw, Jesus Christ.|
Hey, Kevin.|
Listen, uh, could I|steal you for a minute?
What are you doing?|
Heavy breathing,|meditating.
Yes. To relieve stress.|
Remember, Myra,|you're the one
who taught me|all about breathing.
Yes, but you're doing Lamaze.|are you giving birth?
If you're upset,|long, deep breaths.
Kevin dumped me.|
I know.|
He told you?|
Well, I sort of had, uh,|inside information.
It started before you,|Kelly.
I never would have--|
It was just a quick thing|that we thought was over,'s not over.|
You and Kevin.|
I-- I wish I could|say something to...
the heart wants|what the heart wants.
Sheriff Keough?|
Fish and Game.|Jack Wells.
Any recent|bear attacks?
This was no bear.|
Bears don't attack|people underwater.
Probably a beaver, then.|
Ah, a whole sentence|sarcastic.
That the way|he came out of the water?
Hey, Kevin, what's going on?|What's happening?
How's it goin'?|How's your family? Good?
It's great.|So nice to see you.
This is business.|
There was an accident|in Maine.
Some guy got killed|by something in a lake.
Probably a bear,|but they found a tooth.
A tooth?|
A fragment of a tooth,|
one they say couldn't|have come from any bear.
Evidently it looks prehistoric,|like maybe a dinosaur.
Oh, well, then I'm sure|that that's what it was.
He was killed|by a dinosaur.
Is there anything else?|
I, uh, want you|to go there.
It's probably nothing,|but you're a paleontologist.
This is what we do.|
What do you mean,|this is what we do?
I'd like you to|check out this tooth.
I'm not a field person.|
Well, on this one,|I would like you to be.
You want me to go to Maine|to look at a tooth?
Oh, this was Myra's|idea, wasn't it?
-Uh--|-Oh, of course.
Get me out of the office|for a few days,
wait till I cool off...|
It has nothing|to do with that.
I don't do field work,|and even if I did, Maine?
I'm allergic to timber.|
-Kelly.|-I am not going to Maine.
I'm not going|to Maine.
It's ridiculous.|
It's gonna be rough|
as we go over|these mountains.
Yeah, that's fine.|Thank you.
We're doing|the best we can.
Could you not|talk to me?
Thank you.|
Just came up screaming.|
What did he say?|
Just kind of gurgled.|He was pretty much dead.
You didn't see anything?|
The lake was calm|until up he came.
The tooth is in here.|
Oh, that's--|that's the morgue.
Well, is the dead guy|in there?
That's where they|keep them.
you want me to bring|the tooth out here?
No. Let's...|
After you.|
This is reptilian.|And this is not a fossil.
You really pulled this|out of this guy?
Yes, I did.|
I'll need to get|a microscopic look at it.
There you go.|
Maybe I should see--|
I wouldn't.|
I can deal with|dead men-- bodies.
Uhh. Ohh, jeez.|
How long did this attack|go on for?
Seconds.|8 maybe 10.
Oh, and, uh, this is how|he came up to the boat?
I'd like|to see this lake.
Nobody lives|within 25 miles of it,
except some old couple|who live right on the lake.
Teenagers trek in|every once in a while
to skinny-dip.|
None have disappeared.|
None have spotted|anything unusual.
Did you talk|to the old couple?
Not yet.|
What kind of backup|do we have?
I'm a little unclear|as to why the museum
would send|somebody here.
You got a thing|against museums?
No, I got nothing|against museums.
Ever been in one?|
What is that?|
Lightweight forward-area|air-device unit.
Whatever's out there,|
one shot with this,|it's dead.
Why exactly|would you have that?
Mosquitoes. I got a thing|about mosquitoes.
If you're all set,|let's go.
We're saved.|
A museum in New York|
just sent us some|additional backup.
Kelly Scott.|
Jack Wells.|
Uh, some museum|sent you, huh?
What, are we all|museum bigots in Maine?
She's rude sarcastic.|
You two should|get along.
I'm afraid I can't let you|go with us, ma'am.
Sheriff Keough|said I could.
Unfortunately, Fish and Game|supersedes the sheriff.
Why do you have to supersede?|Maybe I might be of--
Ma'am, look,|
this isn't some kind of|fact-finding expedition.
Yes, I know that.|
It's not a science trip.|
Could you be|a little more condescending?
'Cause I'm not real great|with subtlety.
Something in that lake|killed somebody, right?
I appreciate|you're trying to help.
I'm really glad that you|brought the raid.
Now, that's better.|
Ma'am,|it's not gonna work--
If you call me ''ma'am''|one more time, I'll sue you,
and with today's laws,|it's possible.
She's good.|
Look, I won't interfere.|
And if I do, you've got|a sheriff handy to arrest me,
but I understand if I threaten|your Fish and Game authority--
Excuse me.|
Is it true|you're going to look
for some kind of monster|in Black Lake?
Well, we're just gonna|investigate an accident.
There's no monster.|
We heard a man|was bit in half.
Well,|there was an accident.
That's all. It's|nothing to worry about.
Oh, please.|
All right. Let's go.|
Well, my husband|passed away.
It's been|almost 2years now.
My department doesn't|have any record of that,
Mrs. Bickerman.|
Well, I'm sorry.|
Incomplete records|haunt me so.
What was the cause|of your husband's death,
ma'am, do you know?|
We don't mean|to invade your privacy,
but was he ill?|Was he sick?
Was he swallowed?|
Uh, Mrs. Bickerman,|the reason we're here.
A man was fatally|attacked yesterday
by some animal|in this lake.
Do you know|how your husband died?
Oh, yes.|
I killed him.|
You killed him?|
Oh, yes.|
and how would you have|accomplished this, ma'am?
He was very sick,|
and-- and he refused|to go to a doctor.
He'd be coherent one day|and incoherent the next.
And, well,|one coherent day
he asked me to end|his suffering.
And, um...|
he kept insisting|and insisting
and then, well,|finally I just gave in,
and I hit him on the head|with a skillet,
then buried him|out at the bulkhead.
Well, dig him up|if you don't believe me,
Half mile up|there's a clearing.
What's with the water?|It's so black.
There's no waves|or anything.
Well, they wanted to|call it ''Lake Placid,''
but some body said|that name was taken.
It's too bad.|
Tents were sent|ahead.
They should|already be set up
by the time|we get there.
We're staying|in tents?
I told you, 2 days|we'd have to camp.
Yes, camp,|
but I thought that meant|''Ramada Inn.''
I never heard tents.|Will there be toilets?
Maybe we should|just take you back.
Why, because|I prefer a toilet?
Oh, God.|
We forgot to pack|feminine napkins.
Oh, so you're|with him now?
Taking his side.|
I didn't|say a word.
Oh, no, maybe I should|just wipe myself
with some leafy little piece|of poison oak.
And then I could|spend the whole day
scratching my ass,|blending in with the natives.
Then you'd be back|on my side.
You know, you really|don't have to bother
telling people|you're from New York.
What the hell|is that?
There. I thought|I saw something.
Looks like a branch.|
Oh, my God.|
You threw it at me!|
I just let go of it.|
You threw it at me!|
Did you see that?|Oh!
Stop hitting me.|
Don't throw heads|at me!
Stop calling me|''ma'am!''
Aw, Jesus.|
Oh, God.|
So, sheriff...|
how many deputies you got?|
Could it be a bear?|
I mean, the bears|get big here, right?
Hmm. I don't think a bear|could bite off a moose's head.
Everything you need|should be in there.
Ok. Good. Good.|
So will we be|tent-mates then?
Nope.|This is all yours.
Ohh. Great.|
If there's anything else|you need...
Uh, one thing|I wanted to ask you.
Uh, what's it like|to be a woman
in the woods of Maine?|
I mean, the guys don't turn|all horny or anything
like they did in|Dellverance, right?
I knew you were there.|
Never been to Maine|before, huh?
I have good hygiene.|I'm not welcome.
Why are you here,|really?
I told you.|
A museum doesn't send an|investigator into the woods--
How would you know|
what a museum would|or would not do exactly?
Well, even if they did,|
I doubt whether he or she|would have problems with tents.
So I don't like tents.|Why--
Oh, you don't like tents,|and you don't like mosquitoes.
Well, nobody likes|mosquit--
Look at|your fingernails.
What's wrong|with my fingernails?
You have as much business|being in the woods
as Emily Post.|
No, it doesn't make sense.|
They sent you out here|to examine a tooth.
And what are you doing|out here on the lake?
Oh, no.|
If this is|who I think it is...
It is.|
Hector Cyr.|
He's this rich, kook|mythology professor.
You know him?|
He's done some work|with our museum.
He also treks the world to s...|
To swim with crocodiles.|
If he's here,|
he must think|you've got one.
Oh, look...|
I admit I'm no|brain scientist,
but I do know there's|no way a crocodile
can be in Maine, right?|
You beat me!|
Splendid lake, eh?|
Became a man|on a lake like this.
Rubber raft.|
Sylvia Blake.|
She gave a like a cow.|
Who do we have|from Fish and Game?
Who is this man?|
I can seethe algae blooms|just coming in.
Look almost stagnant.|
Hector Cyr.|
Oh, the earth is round|and so should you be.
Who is he?|
I need topographic studies.|You got any?
You don't just fly in here|and start barking orders.
I apologize. I just don't|want to lose the light
when we got time|for a quick scout.
Have you had|a little work done?
I have not.|
Who are you?|
Hector Cyr.|I said it once.
Let me know|when it sinks in, ok?
Have you seen it?|
Excuse me.|You came hereto...
Help you find it.|
A crocodile?|
They've been migrating north,|you know?
This lake does connect|to the ocean.
It's not as far fetched|as it may sound.
Crocodiles can't swim|in saltwater.
Yeah, well, that'll be|your little secret.
Come on.|We're losing time.
Why did the big one|heckle me?
Hey, pal...|
If he's close,|we'll find him.
Their signatures|are unmistakable.
She tell you|that we had sex together?
So vigorous!|
I never had sex|with you.
Whew. I'm horrible in bed.|They never remember.
Thought|I heard something.
I don't mean|to be discourteous,
but, uh, how is it|
a person could come|to believe
a crocodile|is in New England?
How could it|survive winter?
Long as their nostrils|don't freeze,
they survive.|
Am I foolish|to explain things?
He had such trouble|with my name.
Is this|where it happened?
Around here.|Yeah.
We're a mile from the ocean.|Could've easily made it here.
Assuming he got|this far up the seaboard.
The big ones|have been on the move.
What have I been telling you?|You call me crazy.
Hector, just paddle.|
You know, Sheriff,|
when friends or family|say things,
they tend not to register,|
so sometimes it helps|to hear it
from a total stranger.|
You're fat.|
Jesus. Hector!|
Oh, yeah.|
What's that?|
What is it?|
White perch.|
Are they feeding?|
They aren't feeding.|
They're scared.|
Get your legs|out of the water.
Don't move|your legs.
Are you kidding me?|
Keep your legs still.|
Get off!.|
Hector,|to the left.
Move it left!|
Paddle, paddle!|
No one actually saw|anything.
Yes, I realize that, sir,|
but something|flipped us over,
and I doubt very much|if it was a mink.
I am a paleontologist.|
I work for|a natural history museum.
I am not some--|
They don't believe her.|
Thank you.|
It's so rewarding to|imagine my tax dollar
finding its way to you,|you fuck-shit!
You're a saucy flirt.|
You were right.|
U.S. Wildlife|won't send anybody
without|a confirmation.
We don't need 'em.|
Might wanna come|take a look at this.
Oh, my God.|
Oh, I got a thing|about worms.
It's a human toe.|
Some decomposition,|a little acidic--
definitely|been swallowed.
Is this the man|who was killed?
He seemed taller.|
You gota croc,|all right.
They're|a keystone species.
Did he just|explain something?
Keystone species effects|thewhole ecosystem.
That would explain|these worms
and those perch.|
We gota crocodile.|
Here's your friend.|
{Y:i}It's not unusual
{Y:i}To be loved by anyone|
{Y:i}It's not unusual |
{Y:i}To have fun with anyone|
{Y:i}But when I see you|hangin' around
{Y:i}With anyone|
{Y:i}It's not unusual...|
He paid us.|
It's a trap.|
You accepted money|from him?
We took a check.|
{Y:i}When I see you|out and about
Law enforcement|is very dangerous work,
isn't it?|
And you have such|big, wonderful boobs.
Ha ha. Thank you.|
{Y:i}It's not unusual |
{Y:i}It happens everyday|
You're on|official business.
This is not a party.|
Yeah, but now|that you're here...
What's with digging|the holes?
Well, crocodiles are--|
Are very brazen.|
They like to come on land,|
and of course|they're attracted to noise.
Everybody out!|Back to your tents!
Oh, could she stay?|
We were...|
We were hoping to mate.|
Now, you listen...|
If it were up to me,|you'd be on your way home.
But I'm not in charge.|
That's a shocker there.|
I'm going to say this|
because I believe in being|straightwith people.
I think you are a mental.|
I appreciate your candor.|Really, I do.
I think it's always good|to know
where somebody's|coming from,
and, frankly,|
your origins have been|a bit of a mystery to me.
Look how flat|that water is.
You could get 10 skips|on a good one, easy.
Skipping stones.|
Growing up,|
I used to summer|at my grandparents' place
on a lake like this.|
I'd skip stones all day.|
Beat playing|with the other kids.
I'm sure it did.|
Look, I think it's best|
if you stayed onshore|a while.
I begyour pardon?|
I'm not trying|to pick a fight,
but whatever's out there|did flip a canoe.
I am not|staying onshore.
It's dangerous.|
No, I didn't fly up here|just to roast marshmallows.
Why did you fly up here?|
paleontologists are not|sent to Maine
to hunt for crocodiles.|
I was sent up here|to look at the tooth.
You looked at the tooth.|
What are you doing|out here?
I was dating my boss...|
and he turned out to be|involved with a coworker
who was also my friend.|
And for the sake|of comfort-- theirs--
I was shipped off|to Maine.
And I don't feel|like going back yet.
I'm not making it up.|
Still, you don't|have to stay out here.
I mean,|you can stay in town.
I've come. I'm here.|I'm staying...
Unless there are ticks.|
I know crocodiles.|
And I won't|get in your way.
I just really do want|to be a part of this.
7:00 a.m.?|
Thank you.|
Good night.|
Thank you.|
Jesus fucking Christ!|
Ohh. What the hell|are you doing?
What the hell|are you doing?!
Oh, Jesus.|You clowning around?
I'm laying|a spring trap!
A spring trap?|
I keep telling you|they can come on land.
I could've shot you.|
This could end up|saving your life,
which is meaningful|for you,
because the more|you live,
the more sex you get to|have with your sister!
What's going on?|
He's crawling around|like a cockroach here.
I don't care|how much money--
He's waving|his little wang around!
He's scaring the shit|out of me!
How big is this?|
All right, all right!|
I'll say this once.|
Your fancy equipment|aside,
which we appreciate--|
if you interfere,|you're gone.
Simple as that.|
How much of a wacko|is this guy?
the thing about Hector|
is he takes this|crocodile business very...
Oh, man.|
He thinks they're godly.|
What was that?|
In his defense,|
every primitive culture|known to man deified them.
Ancient China, Egypt,|Australia, Asia.
Going back in history,|
crocodiles have been|more worshipped than Jesus.
Is this supposed|to make us
take him|more seriously?
No, it's supposed to make you|understand him.
He's a mythology professor.|
He believes|that they're divine conduits.
And he can find them,|
so we should try|to put up with him.
He's a fruitcake.|
We should get|some sleep.
Damn it!|
And he's a good trapper.|
We can expect|a quick response
if he hears that.|
Adult crocs will move|on distressed hatchlings.
Again, I don't mean|to be annoying
with my questions|
but if|it is a crocodile,
which I don't think|it is,
and they do charge these|baby hatchling sounds,
why would you want to be|under water at the time?
With you,|it makes sense.
You see, Sheriff,|the thing is,
they don't really|attack underwater.
That Walt guy|got hit underwater.
True. They don't see|that well underwater.
They have nictitating|lenses on their eyes...
Burke, stop here.|
...You dive underwater|
and they probably won't|be able to see you.
I hate to interrupt|but we got work to do.
Hey, we can talk if we want.|
Yeah, we can talk|if we want.
Would you mind putting down|the anchor?
Wait till|we're down there
before you turn|that thing on.
Got it.|
Let's go, Hector.|
Good luck.|
I brought a pork chop|for luck.
Maybe you can hang it|around you neck.
That's sweet.|
Maybe later you can|chew the bark
off my big, fat log.|
Was that, like,|a homosexual remark?
Don't ask me.|
Could be a mental.|
I heard if a mental person|is rich enough,
they just call him|eccentric.
He's not mental.|
He's seen every crocodile|in the world.
He even swam in the Grametti|with killer Niles.
He never got nipped.|
And that's why he thinks|they're godly--
'Cause they don't|bite him?
I don't know.|
He said he knew it when|he looked in their eyes.
''Eyes of a Dragon.''|
So much for crocodiles.|
It's probably on land.|
Yeah, right.|
What was that?|
I don't know.|
Hey! Something's got|the anchor line!
Untie it!|Untie the line!
I'm trying!|
Cut the line!|
come on.|
What happened?|
I don't know.|
Hurry. Hurry up.|
Must've just let go.|
Come on.|
Shit! Hurry!|
My God,|it's right under you!
Aah! Oh, Christ.|
Come on,|get in the boat.
You all right?|
Where's Hector?|
I lost track.|
We went different|directions.
There's some bubbles|over there.
Pull it up.|
All right. Come on.|Bring him aboard.
What's happened?|
Come on.|
You see it?|How big is it?
Shut up|and get on board.
We lost track of it.|Burke, pull up the speaker!
Are you all right?|
-Grab him!|-Aah!
Pull him in!|
Pull him in!|
Aah! Aah!|
That it?|
Nobody actually saw it.|It happened suddenly.
Didn't get caught|in the outboard?
It wasn't the outboard.|
Tell them|to get here fast, huh?
You ok?|
Nobody saw anything.|
U.S. Wildlife's|on their way.
The police want to keep|everything quiet
so the press doesn't|get wind of anything.
Everybody just wants us|to...
''Sit tight.''|
Are you...ok?|
you know...|
Well, Sheriff,|I'm, uh...
Very sorry|about your deputy.
He was a good man?|
Whenever some body dies,|I...
I always think|that it's such a waste
that I didn't know them|any better.
Sorry for your loss,|Hector.
Not really what I meant.|
Head was just...|
bitten off.|
You know, I used to have|a recurring nightmare
that I was headless.|
I'd be down|on the ground
looking up at my body,|no head,
just walking around|bumping into everything.
And my parents...|
wouldn't let me|in the house.
Because they just bought|all these antique lamps,
and they didn't want me|to knock them over,
the fuckers.|
Then the neighborhood|bullies,
they'd see my round|head on the ground
looking like a ball,|
and they'd come over,|
and they'd start|a soccer game.
And as I was being|kicked around,
I'd actually|just feel grateful
for being allowed|in the game.
What are--|what are your thoughts?
You know, Hector...|
I'm sure|you're a fine person
in your own mental way,|
but I think it would be best|
if you and I didn't speak.|
When is U.S. Wildlife|getting here?
I'm still waiting|to confirm if they...
Oh, Jesus.|
I-- I could probably|cut him down,
but there's this|odd look of mayhem
on his|upside-down face.
Are you all right?|
Could you cut me down?|
Do you promise|
that you won't attempt|to injure me?
I have no interest in ever|looking at you, Hector.
Just, uh, pull him down.|
It's a counterweight.|
Here. I'll get the knife.|
If I'd remembered|it was there,
I never would've let|you walk that way.
All right. It's over.|
It's over. Remember?|
You promised|not to hurt him, so...
I lied.|
Wait. Hey! Hey!|
Come on! Hold up!|
Now here to go,|my friend.
Now, just-- come on!|Knock it off!.
Knock it off.|Put that down.
Just settle...|
Jesus! Lookout!|
Aw, shit!|
I admit it.|
It's a crocodile.|
He's an Indo-Pacific.|
Scales were oval.|He's an Asian crocodile.
Why would he come here?|It's impossible.
Asia.|How would he get here?
Obviously some|asshole in Hong Kong
flushed him|down the toilet.
He was 30feet, right?|Had to be.
Well, now maybe somebody's|happy I brought my big gun.
Oh you're gonna|blow him away now?
I should think so.|
With your cannon?|
Right.|What, I shouldn't?
Well, he's a miracle|of nature,
but I know|he's very scary.
You're the miracle|of nature.
Guys, guys, easy.|
We're not gonna do|anything tonight.
I never heard of a crocodile|crossing an ocean.
Well, they conceal|information
like that in books.|
All right, pal!|
Hey, hey, hey.|
No, no.|Let him go.
I'm sick|of him,too.
I do need to warn|you, Sheriff.
The thing|about being rich,
my parents did have|the added luxury
of ditching me off|at karate school
on a regular basis,|so I am a brown belt.
Go ahead.|Take your best shot.
He said he knew karate.|
You hit him.|
I did, yeah.|
Did he say ''go''?|
Aren't you supposed|to say ''go'' in karate?
You're supposed|to say ''go.''
Hank, just keep your|distance from him.
Go to your tent.|Cool down.
He doesn't answer|my questions?
Why don't you|answer my questions?
I fall into a hole.|
I go up in a tree.|
I swear to God,|I'll say ''go.''
You bow,|and then you say ''go.''
As in|''go fuck yourself.''
Jesus. They're just|like children.
Oh, my God.|
Are you all right?|
Yeah, I'm all right.|
I've got something|for that.
I can fix that.|
I just gotta pull it|a little tighter.
There we go.|
Who taught you|to be a nurse?
Father's a surgeon.|
I can even stitch|in a pinch,
which probably wouldn't|be such a bad idea.
Uh, no, thanks.|
You should have seen|the look on your face
when that croc jumped out.|
You seethe look|on the bear?
That was the look.|
I don't know.|
The laws of nature|could be changing, Jack.
That thing out there,|that's--
You're having the best time|of your life, aren't you?
What? People|have been killed.
I hardly think I'm|having a good time.
Why would you--|
Does it show?|
This is the first time|I've ever actually...
you know, been in|the middle of anything.
Is that why you're here,|
to get in the middle|of something?
I've always read|about what's happened.
I've never...|
We should go to bed.|
I mean we should|go to, uh...
We should go to our|separate tents,
and-- here--|get some-- go.
I got it.|
Thanks for the bandage.|
It doesn't even see him.|
There, he got it.|
He has one|natural enemy.
Only one.|
So you're|the big expert.
You think ours is some|kind of mutant or---
Not necessarily.|There's a 30-footer in India.
Biggest one ever killed|on record was 27 feet.
So why is he here?|
I don't know.|
Keep your eyes peeled.|
You know how fast|these things can be.
I've got ticks,|I know it.
They're just|so drawn to me.
I got a thing|about ticks.
Crawling|up your pant leg.
Put their heads|under your skin.
That's a pretty big print.|
Seems like|we're getting lower.
That's what happens|when I land.
Why are we landing?|
Because this is the cove|that he obviously lives in.
So why are we landing?|
We can lift it?|
Don't want|to mush it there.
I'm not mushing it.|
You might mush it.|It's a little soft.
For Christ's sake,|I'm not mushing it!
Oh, God.|
That is it!|That is it!
No, no, I keep|getting hit with heads!
Try to calm down.|
You calm down!|
Calm down, ok?|Just keep breathing.
I'm being very calm!|I am composed!
This is the second time|
I've been hit|with a severed head,
and it upsets me!|
What the hell?|
I just want to go back|to my tent now.
Can we please go back?|
You gotta be kidding.|
I'm not kidding!|
{Y:i}The itsy-bit syspider|
{Y:i}Crawled up the waterspout|
{Y:i}Down comes the rain |
{Y:i}To wash the spider out|
What is she doing?|
{Y:i}Dum de dum de dum |
Look 10feet into the water.|
Come and get it!|
I haven't broken any laws.|
Oh, but you have,|ma'am.
You lied to us.|
That can be|obstruction of justice.
A man has been killed,|
in part because|of your silence.
I could make out|a charge
of reckless|endangerment.
And I'm sure PETA|would be annoyed
at how you treat|your cows.
The reason I lied,|if I told you the truth,
you'd hunt it down|and kill it,
which seems to be exactly|what you're trying to do.
How long have you|been feeding this thing?
6 years.|
6 years?|
Well, Bernie|was out fishing,
and it followed|him home.
So we threw it|some scraps,
and, well, he didn't|seem to bother anybody.
He became kind of like a pet|who lives in the wild.
He just appeared?|
You have no idea|how he arrived here?
No. Do you?|
Your husband Bernie,|
you didn't,|by any chance,
lead him to the lake|blindfolded?
If I had a dick,|
this is where I'd|tell you to suck it.
Did the crocodile|kill your husband?
Yes, but it was all...|
It was a mistake.|
A mistake?|
One of our horses|got loose 2years ago.
Went to the lake|to drink,
and the crocodile|started coming in,
and Bernie went|to intercede, and--
if I'd reported it,|
they'd have sent people|to kill it.
Ma'am, how could you|not report this?
It puts human life|at risk.
Nobody lives on this lake.|
It's really his lake now.|
Come on, Hector.|I know you're crazy,
but you can't do this.|
I need to see his habitat|up close, Deputy Gare.
then watch Nova, ok?|
But don't go|in the water.
I'll have sex|with you.
Let's just|get out of here.
he's not gonna hurt me.|
Murders and rapes|in the cities.
People bomb planes.|
Can the police stop them?|No.
But feed one little cow|to a crocodile--
You stay right here|until the police show.
You're under|full house arrest.
Thank you...|
Officer Fuckmeat.|
Sheriff,|we got a problem with Hector.
What problem?|
He went swimming.|
Oh, my.|
Suddenly I feel|a bit foolish here.
You're different|from the others.
Holy Spirit of Sobek.|
Holy Ghost.|
Holy shit.|
Just turn the ignition.|
It's fuel injected.|
Come on!|
I know that under|the circumstances,
biting my head off|
might seem viable.|
It would cheapen you.|
I may get a shot!|
Bullets might not|penetrate its hide.
Oh, Jesus. All right,|just a little further.
Just like that.|
Move over!|
-Go!|-I'm trying!
Ahh! Jesus!|
That's your last little|stunt, Mr. Crocodile.
You're grounded.|
This is some very|delicate equipment
that you're|throwing around.
I don't care.|You trying to kill yourself?.
You want to meet|your maker, is that it?
You might think|they're godly,
you might get|some spiritual lift
out of backstroking|with dragons,
but you just put a deputy|at risk out there, sir.
Let's not overlook the fact|that he didn't eat me.
'Cause he just ate|a cow, stupid.
I'm a civilian.|I'm not a trout.
You have no authority|over me whatsoever.
Hey, hey,|I can arrest you.
Well, then do it.|
You hurt his feelings.|
I don't care.|Do you care?
No. He's an asshole.|
Did you want|to be killed by it?
You think I'm that nuts?|
What you just did,|
there had to be at least some|sort of a death wish going on.
In ancient Melanesia,|
people suspected|of crimes
would be thrown|to the crocodiles.
Crocodiles would decide.|
They would be the judge.|
Oh, and so that was you|wanting to be judged out there?
Maybe I was,|and so what?
Is that too arbitrary?|
Better to be measured|by my wealth?
Better for me|to get myself-esteem
looking in the eyes|of cheap sycophants
craving a meal ticket?|
There was more honesty|in those dragon's eyes.
There was more dignity|in those dragon's eyes.
Jesus, Hector,|cut the shit.
Aw, fuck it.|
So, can I tell them you won't|go back in the water?
Oh, yeah, sure.|
I'm not going|back in the water.
No way I'm going|back in the water.
We can't let 'em kill it.|
Yeah, pull all|the trucks in
and start packing.|
All right.|
Just heard from Wildlife|and Florida Fish and Game.
They're gonna be here|in 3 hours.
So we might as well pack up.|
Good idea.|
Will they|try to trap him?
Florida Fish and Game.|
What'll they do|when they get here?
Tell her,Jack.|
Won't be able to snag him|in pitments, right?
And you tranq him|in the water,
and he drowns.|
They could try|to tranq him on land.
Oh, sure, they could,|but they won't.
He's taken human life.|
The mission will be|to put him down.
Is that true?|
They've never been able|to trap anything 30 feet.
But they have|to try, right?
Where are they gonna|take him, Florida?
Back to Asia?|
I got enough flaxidyl|with me to put him out--
Forget it.|
Jack, hear me out.|
I know I'm a fat,|rich, nut fuck, wacko
who's about as grounded|as a street pigeon,
keep going.|
But this thing...|
Don't you think|we're dealing
with a bit|of a miracle?
Yeah. The miracle would be|to take him alive.
Yeah, but if we could|neutralize him--
How are we gonna|neutralize him?
Lure him on land|and pump him full of drugs.
Oh, right.|
I know of an empty|oil tank in Portland.
If we drugged him, we|could contain him there.
He's 150years old.|
He probably swam here|from another continent.
He's migrated to Maine.|
How the hell do we say|we just kill it?
Jack,|this thing being here
does have some|ecological significance.
And you are|in the business
of protecting things|again stextinction.
Including deputies.|
I understand that,|
but if it's possible|to take him alive--
No, it's not possible.|
Look, he follows anything|that moves, right?
We seta trap on the beach.|I got enough net--
No. There's no net|that's gonna hold him.
It'll keep him|tangled long enough
for the drugs|to kick in.
For God's sake, Jack,|
they've trapped crocs|bigger than 20 feet.
This is not completely|out of the question.
It's possible,|and you know that.
And those fucks from|Florida won't even try,
and you know that, too.|
I got the drugs.|He's got a big cannon
if anything goes wrong.|
How do you get him|to the net?
Ask Mrs. Bickerman|to call him?
You guys can be|in the trucks
with the tranq guns.|
If he charges,|you take off.
He's notthatfast.|
We just have to try.|
One try.|Just one try.
Like Hank says,|
how would we lure him in?|
I'll sue you!|
Go ahead.|
You can't take a cow|by eminent domain!
We just did!|
We won't let her|get hurt, ma'am.
You're all cock suckers!|
I knew at first.|I just didn't want to say it.
We know|what we're doing.
We got a cow hanging|from a helicopter.
Not much drag.|
As long as I can keep her|from swinging, we're ok.
We're doing|the right thing.
You might feel different|if you get eaten.
Yeah, thanks.|
Tranq gun with every rifle.|
That's as far back|as it goes, right?
Hector, keep enough|tension to hold her up.
We don't know|how well she can swim.
I hate to say it.|
The more she thrashes,|the better.
You ready|on shore?
Yeah, we're all|right. We're ready.
If she get stired,|pull her out.
What's she doing now?|
She's trying to fly.|
This is not a happy cow.|
I'm rooting|for the crocodile.
I hope he swallows|your friends whole.
You might want to arrest|me for that, too.
Is that a crime--|
To wish the chewing|of law enforcement?
I'm not sure, ma'am.|
You got 'em?|
Yeah, over here.|
Little battery!|
What's the deal?|
Well, we tried.|
Just a little|longer, please.
She doesn't seem|to be swimming.
No, she's floating.|
She looks like|a giant tea bag.
Ok, Hector.|
Good plan, bad bait.|Game's up.
The cow disappoints me.|
Hold on.|
I got something|on the screen.
What do you got?|
He's coming.|
How far out?|
30 meters or so.|
He's moving slow,|but he's definitely coming.
Can you confirm visually|or just radar?
He's underwater,|
but he is coming!|
All right, everybody|back in the trucks!
Move, move, move!|
Let's go, let's go!|
Let's go!|
Lead him in.|
On our way.|
Remember to aim|for the stomach and the sides!
These darts|won't pierce his back!
He's surfacing.|There's his snout.
There he is!|
We've spotted him, Hector.|
You little snacker.|
If he gets near her,|pull up.
She's worried|about the cow now.
Nice and slow, Hector.|
This netthing better work.|
He got you with it.|
We're in about4feet|of water now.
She's mooing.|
You wouldn't?|
She's also kicking.|
A little closer, Hector.|
Oh, shit.|
Watch out!|
Where is he?|
We gotta get to him.|
Back us up.|
Lose the tranq guns.|go to the rifles.
Get the rifles!|
Where'd he go?|
Hold up.|
Don't go back|into the water.
If you get a safe shot,|take it.
Do not move, Hector!|
Can you see anything|from out there?
Maybe he swam back out!|
Get back|in the truck!
I got him covered.|
Where is he?|
I don't know.|
He's gone under.|
I just have this feeling|everything's totally safe.
He's swimming out!|
I think I see him!|
I think I see his tail!|
Shit! Kelly!|
Kelly, swim, swim to me!|
Swim to me, Kelly!|
Shoot the fucking thing!|
I don't have|a clean shot.
Dive under!|
Go under!|
''Let's save him.''|
What a fucking|great idea.
Come on.|
Here we go.|
Where is he?|
I don't know.|
We can't see him.|
What-- What?|
All right.|
Game over.|
He's suffering.|
I get to be humane.|
No, no!|
No, no, no, look,|he's trapped!
We've done it!|
So what? It's not a net,|but he's trapped.
Mission accomplished.|
Shoot him.|
I got more drugs.|He's half dead.
He's half alive.|Shoot him!
The drugs are kicking in.|
Look at him.|
He's done.|
All right, stand back.|
No, no, no, Sheriff!.|
Look, look.|
He's got nothing left.|
Go ahead.|Shoot him.
-Jack, we don't--|-Kelly.
We don't have to destroy him!|
God damn it, look at him!|
Let me have that.|
He's been neutralized.|
Come on, Jack,|he's trapped!
Look at him!|He can't move!
What's the point?|
We don't have to do this.|
Jack, you don't have to.|Please!
Oh, God!|
He's got me!|
Jesus Christ!|
Are there 2?|I think there's 2.
I can see that.|
He bit me!|
He bit me!|There's 2,there's 2!
I can count.|
Back to one.|
Go ahead.|
Flax him.|
Oh, here they are.|
Just in time.|Nice to see you.
We're gonna need|to get this reptile
some medical attention.|
We, uh...|
trapped him|with our chopper.
Yes, Portland.|
They'll tank him there|until we figure out
something better to do.|
So, Sheriff, Sheriff,|
you got to fire|your big gun finally.
Was it fun?|
What'd Bickerman say?|
Well, she didn't|want to tell us
about the second croc,|
'cause she was afraid|we'd blow its head off.
Women's intuition.|
We got room|for one more.
Someone should|probably go with him.
I'm still packing|up some stuff,
but, uh...|
I'll go.|
So, I imagine|you're gonna have
a few reports to do.|
If you need anything,|let me know.
Yeah. It was nice meeting you.|
Gee, Hank,|don't get all choked up.
With you,|I'm still mixed.
Oh, well, then, just to|offend you on principle, then.
See you.|
You want a ride|in my truck?
Oh, we just finished|
loading up the front|of the truck.
Do you want us to|take some stuff out?
No, no, that's all right.|
I'm gonna be|a little while anyway.
I want to go say|good-bye to the lake.
You sure, because|I don't mind--
No. I actually want|to stay a little longer.
All right.|
All right.|
If I'm ever|in New York, I'll...
So, does nobody ever|make a move in Maine?
That's it?|You slide your duffel bag?
get in the truck.|
Go for a beer.|
There's a good bar|in town.
Bet that's charming.|
Are the glasses clean?|
You gonna complain|the whole time?
Start the truck.|
I already miss|the crocodile.
{Y:i}I wanna love ya|
{Y:i}And treat you right|
{Y:i}I wanna love ya |
Cute little buttons.|Oh, ho ho.
Oh, mama loves you.|
Come on.|
Eat your supper.|
Nibble mommy's toes.|
{Y:i}Roof right over our heads|
{Y:i}We'll share the shelter|
{Y:i}We'll share the shelter|
{Y:i}Of my single bed |
{Y:i}We'll share the same room |
{Y:i}Yeah |
{Y:i}Jah provide the bread |
{Y:i}Is this love, is this love|
{Y:i}Is this love|that I'm feeling?
{Y:i}Is this love, is this love|
{Y:i}Is this love,|is this love
{Y:i}That I'm feeling?|
{Y:i}Oh, yes, I know, yes, I know|
{Y:i}Yes, I know now|
{Y:i}Oh, yes, I know, yes, I know|
{Y:i}Yes, I know now|
{Y:i}I |
{Y:i}Am willing and able|
{Y:i}So I |
{Y:i}Throw my cards on your table|
{Y:i}See, I wanna love ya |
{Y:i}I wanna love and treat ya |
{Y:i}Love and treat ya right|
{Y:i}I wanna love ya |
{Y:i}Every day and every night|
{Y:i}We'll be together|
{Y:i}With a roof|right over our heads
{Y:i}We'll share the shelter|
{Y:i}Of my single bed |
{Y:i}We'll share the same room |
{Y:i}Yeah |
{Y:i}Jah provides the bread |
{C:$00FFFF}Subtitles fixed by ma:D (subfix v1.1b)
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