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And so, in retiring as president of this college, it is indeed a painful task to bid you all goodbye. And now, with the utmost pleasure, may I present the man who is to guide the destiny of this great institution: Professor Quincy Adams Wagstaff! Professor, it is an honor to welcome you to Huxley College. Never mind that, hold this coat. By the way, there's no smoking. That's what you said. It would please the faculty if you would throw your cigar away. The faculty can keep their seats. There'll be no diving for this cigar. Members of the faculty, faculty members, students of Huxley and Huxley students! I guess that covers everything. I thought my razor was dull until I heard his speech. Which reminds me of a story so dirty I'm ashamed to think of it myself. As I look at your faces, I understand why this college is flat on its back. At my last college, it was slightly different. I was flat on my back. Things went from bad to worse, but we all pulled together, and soon I was flat on my back again. Any questions? Any answers? Any rags? Any bones? Any bottles today? And rags... Let's have some action around here. Who'll say 76? Who'll say 1776? That's the spirit! 1776! You'd like to know why I'm here. I came here to get my son out. I remember the day he left: A mere boy and a beardless youth. I kissed them both goodbye. By the way, where is my son? Young lady, would you get up so I can see the son rise? So, doing your homework in school, eh? - Hello, old-timer! I'm sure the students would appreciate an outline of your future plans. What? - I said they would appreciate an outline of your future plans. You just said that. That's the trouble around here: Talk, talk, talk. I think I must go mad. Where will it all end? What is it getting you? Go home to your wife. No, I'll go home to your wife. Outside of the improvement, she'll never know the difference. Pull over to the side of the road and let me see your marriage licence. President Wagstaff, now that you have stepped into my shoes... Oh, is that what I stepped in? At least you could have cleaned them. - The trustees have a few suggestions. I think you know what the trustees can do with their suggestions. "I don't know what they have to say, it makes no difference anyway, Whatever it is, I'm against it. No matter what it is and who commenced it, I'm against it. Your proposition may be good, but let's have one thing understood. I'm against it! And even when you've changed it or condensed it, I'm against it. I'm opposed to it. On general principles opposed to it." "He's opposed to it. In fact it seems that he's opposed to it!" "For months before my son was born, I used to yell from night to morn: Whatever it is, I'm against it! And I've kept yelling since I first commenced it: I'm against it!" "Knowing Dad as I do, I'd not advise you to displease him, or tease him. No, no! Don't double-cross him or toss him around. When dear old Dad once gets mad he's a hound!" "My son is right, I'm quick to fight, I'm from a fighting clan. When I'm abused or badly used, I always get my man. No matter if he's in Peru, Peduka or Japan, I go ahead, alive or dead, I always get my man." "He goes ahead, alive or dead, he always gets his man." "I soon dispose of all of those who put me on the pan. As Shakespeare said to Nathan Hale: I always get my man." "He always gets his man!" "That's what I said." - "He always gets his man!" "That's what I mean." - "He always gets his man!" "You're telling me?" - "He always gets his man!" - "Oh, are you listening?" "He gets his man! He gets his man!" "I always get, I always get, I always get, I always get, I always get, I always get my man!" Splendid, Professor! - Congratulations! - Thank you. Marvellous! - Alright scram, boys, I'll meet you in the barber shop. Dad, let me congratulate you. I'm proud to be your son. My boy, you took the words out of my mouth: I'm ashamed to be your father. You're a disgrace to the family name Wagstaff, if such a thing is possible. What's this about you fooling around with the college widow? No wonder you've been 12 years in the same college! I went to 3 colleges in 12 years and fooled around with 3 widows. At your age I went to bed right after supper. Sometimes before supper. Or I went without supper, and didn't go to bed. A college widow stood for something in those days. She stood for plenty. There's nothing between me and her. - Then you're crazy to fool with her. But... - I don't want to talk to you about this again, you snob! I'd horsewhip you, if I had a horse. You may go now. Leave your name with the girl outside. We'll be in touch with you. Where are you going? - You just told me to go. That's what they teach you here? I tell you to go and you leave me? You know you can't leave a school-room without raising your hand. This school has had a new president every year since 1888, when we won our last football game. I like education as well as the next man... - Then let me talk to him. ...but besides education, this college needs a good football team. And for a good football team, you need good football players. - My boy, I think you've got something. I'll wait outside until you clean it up. One more question: Where do you get good football players? In the speakeasy... - In a speakeasy? Isn't that against the law, selling football players in a speakeasy? Two of the best players in the country hang out there. You suggest that I go there, without even giving me the address? 42, Elm Street. But you can't go there, it isn't ethical. It's not right for a college to buy football players. - It isn't, eh? Well, come on and we'll have a nip. Better still, you wait here. Anything further, Father? - "Anything further, Father?" That can't be right. Isn't it "Anything Father, further?" The idea! I married your mother because I wanted children. Imagine my disappointment with you! "And I kept yelling since I first commenced it: I'm against it!" That's my proposition. How about it? It's OK with us, Mr. Jennings, but how are you gonna fix it? - Don't worry, it's fixed already. You'll be entered as Darwin students to play in the game against Huxley. Yeah, but how about the dough? - Here's a little to start with. You get the balance after the game. With you boys playing for Darwin, Huxley can't win. - You said it! - Here's to dear old Darwin. Alright boys, let's go. Bye. - So long. Baravelli! Hello? Yes, lady, this is Baravelli, the ice man. What do you want? One quart of scotch, one quart of rye. Hold on, I see if I got 'em. One quart of scotch. One quart of rye. OK, lady, I send 'em right over. Hey, Baravelli! What do ya want? - Watch the door for a few minutes. And don't let anyone in without the password. What is it? - Swordfish is the password, right? OK, I got it. - Well, what is it? - Password. Swordfish! Swordfish. - Alright, swordfish! Who are you? - I'm fine. Who are you? - I'm fine, too. You need a password. Well, what is the password? - Oh no, you gotta tell me. I tell what I do, I give you three guesses. It's the name of a fish. - Is it Mary? That's no fish! - She isn't? She drinks like one. Let me see. Is it sturgeon? You crazy! A sturgeon, he's a doctor, cuts you open when you sick. You got one more chance. - I got it. Haddock. Funny, I gotta haddock too. - What do you take? - Sometimes calomel... I'd walk a mile for a calomel. - You mean chocolate calomel. Me too. But you no guess it. Hey, you no understand English? You only get in if you say swordfish. Now, I give you one more guess. - Swordfish... swordfish... I think I got it. Is it swordfish? - Ha! That's it! You guess it! Pretty good, eh? - Fine, you guess it... What do you want? - To come in. - Password? - You don't fool me! Swordfish. - No, I got tired of that. I changed it. What's the password now? - I forgot it. I better come outside. Buddy, can you help me out? I'd like to get a cup of coffee. Hey, here comes my partner. Hey, Pinky, do you know the password? Get up. That's no way to go into a speakeasy. That's how you come out. Hey, what'll you have? He'll take a scotch. - Right. I got it! Swordfish. - Go outside and see if it works. Cut the cards. Now, to business. I'm looking for two football players who hang around here. We hang around here... - That's all I wanna know. Prof. Wagstaff from Huxley College. - That means nothing to me. Means nothing to me, either. I'll try it over again. I'm Prof. Huxley from Wagstaff College. You didn't stay at the other one long. Why don't you pull yourself to pieces? - I'll talk it over with my partner. In case I never see you again, what would you want to play football? First we want a football. - I don't know if we've got one. If we had, would you be interested? No rush, you can sleep on it. I no think I can sleep on a football. - Who's gonna settle for these drinks? You're stuck. - Can you cash a check for $15.22? - Sure. Five, ten, fifteen and twenty-two. As soon as I get the check, I'll send it to ya. Swordfish! Laura! - Good morning, Mr. Wagstaff. Am I too early? - No, shall I tell Miss Bailey you're here? - No, I will. Give me the tray. Would you open the door? Your breakfast, Madam. Anything else? Yes, put some cream in my coffee, and tell me where you've been. Busy arguing with Dad about you. How many? - Two. Well, what about me? - Dad wants me to give you up. You're interfering with my studies. He must think I'm terrible. - I think you're wonderful. Beautiful. Are you making love to me? - Why not? "Everyone says I love you, the cop on the corner and the burglar, too, the preacher in the pulpit and the man in the pew, says I love you. Everyone, no matter who, the folks over 80 and the kid of 2, the captain and the sailor and the rest of the crew, says I love you. There are only 8 little letters in this phrase, you will find, but they mean a lot more than all the other words combined. Everywhere the whole world through, the king and the peasant, too, The tiger in the jungle and the monk in the zoo, says I love you." Get that crate out of here! You think this is a picnic? Blocking traffic, holding up cars... Who do you think you are? You know what I'm going to do to you? You're a wise guy, ain't you? Let go of that club! You see that badge? And I say to you, gentlemen, that this college is a failure. Trouble is we're neglecting football for education. - You are right. No, I'm wrong. I was just testing you. Now I know I'm dealing with a couple of snakes. There's too much football, and not enough education. - I think so, too. Wrong again! If there was a snake here I'd apologize. Where would the college be without football? Have we got a stadium? - Yes. - And a college? - Yes. Well, we can't support both. Start tearing down the college. But where will the students sleep? - Same as always. In the classroom. Professor, the Dean of Science wants to know when he'll see you. He said he's tired of cooling his heels out here. Tell him I'm cooling a couple of heels in here. Now, where were we? Oh yes. How much am I paying you fellas? - 5,000. But we haven't been paid. In that case, I'll raise it to 8,000. And a bonus, for you and your dog. The Dean's furious. He's waxing wroth! Is Wroth there, too? Tell him to wax the Dean for a while. Guess that's bad, eh? - One more thing, Professor. It's about your son. I'm afraid he's paying too little attention to his studies, and too much to Connie Bailey. I'll put a stop to that. I'll call her up right now. Either of you weasels got her number? - No. - Good thing I have. Get me Maine 4-9970 and reverse the charges. You may go now. Drop this in the mailbox on your way out. Hello, I want to speak to Miss Bailey. Is this Miss Bailey? Why, of course I know your son. Why, that's silly. We're just very good friends. Professor, I don't understand. You don't? Come over to my office. You're in bed? In that case, I'll come to your office. Where are your tongs? Looks like a tong war. No more ice until you pay the bill. How much do we owe you? - $2,000. - Just for ice? I can get an Eskimo for $200 and make my own ice. I tell you what: You owe us 200. We take 2,000 and call it square. I'll consult my lawyer. If he tells me to do it, I'll get a new lawyer. Forget about the money. Go to college, and get yourself a co-ed. I gotta co-ed last week for $18, a co-ed with two pairs of pants. Since when has a co-ed two pairs of pants? - Since I joined college. Baravelli, you've got the brain of a 4-year-old boy. Now that you're a college boy, here's your hat, your pennant, your coat. Report for football practice in the morning. Now, sign this agreement. There's nothing on this paper. - We'll fill in something later. Here, put your name on there. Gee, I didn't know you could write. Wait a minute, this isn't legal. There's no seal on it. Where's the seal? - Where's the seal? And thus we see that the function of the respiratory system is to transmit oxygen into the bloodstream, which is called osmosis... Have they started sawing a woman in half yet? Mr President, what a pleasure! What brings you here? A bicycle, but I left it in the hall. I brought you two dunces. Come in, dunces. Here they are, 10 cents a dunce. Well, all you need now is a bowl of cherries. Find yourselves a couple of seats. Now, let us go on with our lecture. I wish you'd go on without your lecture. What do you think of that slide? - I think he was safe at second. Now, the circulatory system! Here is the liver. What, no bacon? I'd send that back if I were you. The liver, if neglected, invariably leads to cirrhosis You are all familiar with the symptoms of cirrhosis. Sure! So roses are red, so violets are blue, so sugar is sweet, so so are you. I bet I know who it is. To protect the heart, or cardium, Mother Nature has provided a sac, called the pericardium. Any questions? Yes. When you gonna cut the watermelon open? Psychopathically, the duodenum is in inverse ratio to the coordination of the palyphus. Is this stuff on the level, or are you just making it up as you go along? Why, everything I told you can be found in the simplest anatomy book. I'm sure my students will bear me out. - We'll bear you out. Let that be a lesson to all of you. This school will be here long after you're gone. That goes for you, too. Leave me alone! Let us follow a corpuscle on its journey. Oh, my mistake, I thought I was a corpuscle. There is constant warfare between the red and white corpuscles. Now, baboons, what is a corpuscle? - That's easy. There's a captain, then a lieutenant, then there's a corpuscle. That's fine. Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out. We now find ourselves among the Alps, simple people who eat rice and shoes. Beyond are more Alps, and the Lord Alps those who Alp themselves. The blood rushes from the head to the feet, gets a look at those feet, and rushes back to the head again. This is known as auction pinochle. We first listen to your hearts beat, and if your hearts beat anything but diamonds and clubs, your partner is cheating. Or your wife. Now take this point, for instance... That reminds me. Where's my son? Well, the human body takes many strange forms. Now, here is a most unusual organ. The organ will play a solo immediately after the feature picture. Scientists examine rats, or your landlord who won't cut the rent. And what do they find? Asparagus. Now, on closer examination... This needs closer examination. In fact, it needs a nightgown. Baravelli, who did this? Is this your picture? It doesn't look like me. - Well, take it away and hang it in my bedroom. Now, who did it? So you're the culprit. Young man, you can't burn the candle at both ends. Well, I was wrong. I thought it was a candle. Well, you must be punished. You stay after school. But I didn't do anything. I know, but there's no fun keeping him after school. Now, we'll have no more interruptions. According to von Steinmetz, the eminent physiologist, a group of phagocytes... According to von Steinmetz, the eminent physiologist, a group of er, phagocytes... According to von... According to von Steinmetz... According to von Steinmetz, a group of white phagocytes is present. And they are essential to prolonging life. My left wing has been turned, my rear end has been cut off. But I'll fight it out on these lines... They got me! Hello. Oh, it's you, Frank. Why, of course, I'd love to have you come over. Alright, I'll be expecting you then. Goodbye, darling. Who are you calling "darling"? - Frank Wagstaff, the professor's son. I didn't tell you to fall for him, just to find out about his team. He says Huxley will win. I've got my bankroll bet on Darwin, and I'm taking no chances. Before the game starts I'll have the Huxley signals. Down the hatch and on my way. See you later. Bye, dear. Are you still here. - I just came in. What do you mean, am I still here? - I mean, are you hear already? I shouldn't be here. The old man gave me a terrible bawling out. Don't worry about him, he'll never know you were here. How about a little drink? - Alright, I'll get you one. - Please! Are you Miss Bailey? Come, come, one of us is! - I'm Miss Bailey, and who are you? I'm Prof. Wagstaff. Who are you? - Miss Bailey! Then you are Miss Bailey. Thought you could fool me. You've got to give my son up. - Give him up? He's all I've got, apart from a picture of George Washington. But... - Lies! He's a shell of his former self, which nobody can deny. I tell you you're ruining him. Did he tell you that you have beautiful eyes? - Why, yes. Told me that, too. Tells everyone! I could sit on your lap all day if you didn't stand up. Quick, get out! That door. I don't want any ice. Who was that? - The ice man. - You can't pull the wool over my ice. The ice man leaves me cold. Here you are... - So, I caught you at last. You are fooling around with her. Oh, the shame of it. A son taking a dame from his father. - Dad... - Enough, get out of here! I'll settle with this woman, then we'll have you to dinner. Let's go. Follow me. Be a lamp in the window for my wandering boy. Where were we? Oh yes, I was on your lap. And doing pretty well, as I recall it. Hurry, get out! Hurry! And remember, stay undercover. - I've more students in the college. You dropped your ice. I don't want any ice! - Neither do I. Now do you want any ice? - No! Oh, you're beautiful. You're overcoming me. - Thanks for reminding me. I like you. You got something. I'm gonna tell him he's crazy. Professor, what are you doing here? Nothing, since you came in. You know him? - He put me on the football team. Now I just have to get him off the couch. Read any good books lately? This must be the main highway. Follow me, I've been doing this all day. Pretty popular place. - Yeah, a hot dog stand would clean up. What are you doing here? - Me? I'm the music teacher. Since when? - Since you came in. And you? - I'm the plumber. In case something goes wrong with her pipes. I haven't used that joke for 20 years. Take a deep breath and follow me. Cosy place we have here. You sing high, eh? - I have a falsetto voice. My last pupil, she gotta false set of teeth. So maybe it's better you don't sing. That's much better. I'll sing. "Everyone says I love you, the big mosquito when he sting you, the fly when he's stuck on the fly paper, too, says I love you. Every time the cow says "moo", she's making the bull very happy too, and the rooster when he holler cock-a-doodly-doo, says I love you. Christopher Columbo, he write the Queen of Spain a nice little note, he say how I love you, then he get a great big boat. He's a wise guy. What you think Columbo do, when he's coming here in 1492, He says to Pocahontas, atch-a catchy coo, which means I love you!" Maybe it's better I don't sing, too. - Yes. - Alright, I'll play. I love good music. - So do I, let's get out of here. - Sit down. I've got to stay here. But you folks can go into the lobby till it's over. Well, that's all for the first lesson. Next week I teach you how to breathe. Don't breathe before then. If this is a singing lesson, I'm a ring-tailed monkey. Keep your family out of it. Baravelli! - What? Are you going my way? - Yes. - Then I'm staying here. No you don't. And if I find you here again, it'll be curtains. Tell my son to take that lamp down. Dad! You've got the wrong football players. - The whole team? No, Baravelli and the dog catcher. But I got them in the speakeasy. - You got the wrong ones. The ones I told you about are playing for Darwin. - Send for Baravelli. Don't leave a stone unturned. He's probably under one. Baravelli! ...2671, 57, 84, 59, 71... What are you doing in there? - I'm practising secret signals. Come on out. What do you want? - You can fix it for our team to win. - Oh no, I want to play. - Alright, but listen. I want two Darwin players kidnapped. Have you any experience in kidnapping? - You bet. You know what I do? First I call them up, then I send them my chauffeur. What kind of a car you got? I no got a car, just a chauffeur. But when you have a chauffeur, aren't you supposed to have a car? Well, I had, but it cost too much, so I sold the car. I would have kept the car. I gotta have a chauffeur to take me to work in the morning. How can he take you to work? He don't have to. I no gotta job. That's it. How much would you want to stand in front of a firing squad? Now just a minute, boys. I didn't come here to fight. You have to, I've taken my coat off. - I wanna talk to Baravelli. You wouldn't mind stepping out? I'd love to, but I have to see the girl first. I've got a proposition. - Watch out, he's nearly as crooked as you. Let's go in here. I want you to do something for me. - I'm busy. We gotta kidnap a couple of players from the Darwin team. Is that so? You don't mean McHardie and Mullen? Sounds like it. But the fellas I mean are Mullen and McHardie. Let me give you a tip. The boys live at 39 Hanley Street. Thanks! - Now, I want you to do something for me. What do you want? - Listen, give me the signals, and this 500 bucks is yours. Alright. Here's the signals. Want a minute, these are Darwin's signals. You think I'd give you 500 dollars for Darwin's signals? They cost me 200. I gotta make a little profit. Listen, you gotta get busy and get those football signals. I thought you were going to get them. - I wouldn't be asking you then. You just have to get to the professor. He's got the Huxley signals. And I'm depending on you to get them. Yes, but how? - You know how. Romance him, baby, romance him. And remember, all you're to get is the football signals. "Everyone says I love you, but just what they say it for, I never knew, it's just inviting trouble for the poor sucker who says I love you. Take a pair of rabbits who get stuck on each other and begin to woo, and pretty soon you find a million more rabbits who say I love you. When a lion gets feeling frisky and begins to roar, there's another lion who knows just what he's roaring for. Everything that ever grew, the goose and the gander and the gosling too, the duck upon the water, when he feels that way too, says..." That's a wise quack. You keep your bill out of this. How would you like it if I butted into your affairs? This is my first time in a canoe since I saw "The American Tragedy." You're perfectly safe, Professor, in this boat. I was going to get a flat bottom, but the boat girl didn't have one. I could go on like this drifting and dreaming for ever. What a day. Spring in the air! Who, me? And fall in the lake? Professor, you're full of whimsy. Can you tell from there? I'm always like that after radishes. Is that important? - Is it important? Those are the football signals. I've got a duplicate in my pocket. I always carry two of everything. This is my first date with one woman. You mean you take two girls out every time? I hate to see a girl walk home alone. You know, Professor, I've never seen football signals. You think a little girl like me could understand them? I think you could understand anything. Is the big stwong man gonna show liddle icky baby all about the bad football signals? Was that you or the duck? If it was you, I'm with the duck. If icky baby don't learn about the football signals, icky baby gonna cry. If icky girl keep talking that way, big stwong man gonna kick all her teef in. Naughty man is only fooling! Just for that I'm coming over to smother him in kisses. - You couldn't make that onions? Oh, so that's your game. Professor Wagstaff! Just call me Quincy. And later you can call me Quince. Throw me the lifesaver! Please hurry, Professor. 39. This is it! Hello. Yeah, this is McHardie. So they're coming right over? OK, we'll take care of them. Jennings says Baravelli and the dog catcher are coming to kidnap us to keep us out of the game. This is the place. Now how we gonna catch 'em? No, that's for flies. Baseball players catch flies. We look for football players. You bring the tools? You got the shovel, the axe and the pick? Where's the pick? No, that's no pick. That's a hog. Don't you know what a hog is? Oh, come on, let's get busy. We gotta kidnap those players. Mullen und McHardie? That's us. What can we do for you? - You got a brother? No. - You got a sister? - Yeah. She's a very sick man. You better come with us. What happened to her? She crash her automobile. She has no automobile. - Then she fell off a horse. We drive you there. You will? I have no sister. That's alright. We gotta no car. Come on. You think you're gonna take us for a ride? This is gonna take a long time. Try one at a time. Didn't work, eh? Get tough. Get tough with the other one. Get tough with both of them. Tougher! Now you're getting someplace. You better think of something else. I'm exhausted, too. Maybe you fellas got an idea? - I'll say we do. Where's that rope, Ed? Get 'em, Ed! Hey guys, we'll let you know how the game comes out. Now they've kidnapped us! That's a fix-a fine we're in. How we gonna get out? I got an idea. You got a rope? That's fine. Tie on the bed, throw the rope out the window. Tie on the bed, throw the rope out the window. Hey! What you do? You no tie on the bed. No, I mean a-tie the rope. Now what you gonna do? You crazy! That's a-no good. How we gonna get out? You wanna break-a my neck? Don't worry, Mr. Jennings, everything's working out fine. Alright. That game's in the bag. See ya later. Wonder what the two mugs are doing up there? Our little playmates, just in time for a cup of tea. We got no cups. See ya after the game. Come on, Pinky. - No yuh don't! Take off your coat. Come on. Off with your shirt. Quit stallin'. Now take off your pants. - I got a date, nothing doing. You too! Take that coat off. Stand over there, you. Come on, Ed, let's take their clothes. So, if you boys'll excuse us, we'll run along and play football. Tune in on the radio if you want to know how the game's going. I'll send my sister over to keep you company. Gee, I guess it's locked. Boy, what a pretty play. Darwin's just got a fourth touchdown and the crowd is going wild. There seems to be no stopping Mullen and McHardie. Two minutes left to play in the first quarter, and what a lacing the Huxley team is getting. HcHardie has the ball and he's breaking through. I guess we made a grand slam. Pinky, hurry up. Come on, we still got time to play. Fine kidnappers you are. The fellas you kidnapped were here before you. Look: 12 to nothing. Fat lot you care. Know what it means if Huxley loses? Shame, disgrace, humiliation! And you're crazy if you don't play the ace. Come on, fight! No, no, no, no! Get in that game! Listen, you butter-fingered milksops! The way you're playing, you couldn't beat a girls' basketball team. We're going to have to use our star play No. 37, where the quarterback makes a lateral pass to the right guard... Dad! - Wait a minute! Boys, if you can't beat that bunch of... Dad! - What do you want? - You're talking to the wrong team. I know I am, but our team wouldn't listen to me. Which way you going? - Out there. - Drop me off at the 40-yard line. Where's your number? Boy, play like you did last time. I bet five dollars on the other team. Ready? - OK. Let's go! Here comes Prof. Wagstaff. Will you say something? - I will if you get up. Professor Wagstaff will tell you all about the game. Some football game. I wish you were here. Instead of me. Last week, I told you Mrs. Moskowitz was expecting a blessed event. Last night Mrs Moskowitz had twins. OK, Mr. Moskowitz! Thank you, Professor. - It was nothing at all. The boys are back in the field, they're lined up, Huxley is about to kick off, and there they go! Pardon me. That'll teach him to pass a lady without tipping his hat. Hey, you wanna get hurt? We're gonna throw a forward pass. Signal: 18, 72, forward pass, eenie, meenie, miney, mo. Pinky, what are you doing here? That tackle will cost you 15 yards. You're supposed to tackle the man with the ball, understand? Hey, idiot, where's that ball? Look, he's got the mumps. - Give me that ball. Give me it. Ain't deaf over there. - Signal: 18, 42, 56 and run. Hup! Bring that back! Signal: 85, 29, 78. Hup! Come on, boys. Jumping anaconda! Is there a doctor in the stands? Yes, I'm a doctor. - How do you like the game, doc? Come back for me in five minutes. Fancy seeing you here. It's a small world after all. Why weren't you in the last scrimmage? I'm sitting this one out. - What are you doing with that cigar? You know another way to smoke it? - Get on your feet. Don't look now, but I think I see the chemistry prof. Up there with the janitor's wife. Here, have a cigar. Signal. Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Professor Wagstaff gets the ball. Have you got it, boys? - OK! Hey, bring that ball in here. There goes the ball. Go on, Pinky. Make a home run. Gee, Pinky, you made a touchdown. Are you tired? That's marvellous. I forgot your phone number. - Where's that ball? Here it is. Come on, get off that ball. You're holding up the game. Signal: Uno, duo, tre, vendi, this-a time we go left endi. Nice work, Pinky. Signal: Hi diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle, this time I think we go through the middle. Hey, you're running the wrong way. We are gathered together here to join this man and this woman in matrimony. Do you take this man to be your lawful wedded husband? - I do. Do you take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife? - We do. Corrected by G. |
MASH 1970 CD1 MASH 1970 CD2 MAX (2002) M - The Murderers Are Among Us (1931) Maboroshi no hikari 1995 MacArthur CD1 MacArthur CD2 Macbeth (1948) Machinist The Mackennas Gold Macross II - The Movie Mad City Mad Dog and Glory Mad Max 3 - Beyond Thunderdome Mad Max II-The Road Warrior Madadayo - Not Yet (Kurosawa 1993) Madame Sat (Karim Ainouz 2002) Made In Britain 1982 25fps Mademoiselle Madness of King George The Madonna-Girlie Show - Live Down Under (1993) Madonna - Truth or Dare Maelstrom Mafia Mafia Doctor Magdalene Sisters The Magician The 1958 Magnificent Warriors Magnolia (1999) Gowenna Maid in Manhattan Majestic The Makai Tensho 2003 Making of alien vs predator Mala Educacion La Mala Leche Mala educacion La 2004 CD1 Mala educacion La 2004 CD2 Malcolm X CD1 Malcolm X CD2 Malefique 2002 Malena Malibus Most Wanted Maljukgeori Janhoksa CD1 Maljukgeori Janhoksa CD2 Mallrats CD1 Mallrats CD2 Mamma Roma Pasolini Man Apart A Man Bites Dog Man Called Horse A CD1 Man Called Horse A CD2 Man Called Sledge A Man On Fire 2004 CD1 Man On Fire 2004 CD2 Man Who Knew Too Little The CD1 Man Who Knew Too Little The CD2 Man Who Knew Too Much The Man Who Loved Women The Man Who Shot liberty Valance The 1962 Man Who Went to Mars A (2003) CD1 Man Who Went to Mars A (2003) CD2 Man Who Would Be King The Man Without a Past Man of La Mancha (1972) CD1 Man of La Mancha (1972) CD2 Man of the Year The 2003 Man with the Golden Gun The Manchurian Candidate The 2004 Mando perdido Mangchi 2003 Mango Yellow Manhattan Manhattan Midnight Manhattan Murder Mystery Manhunter Manji Mann Mannen Som Ikke Kunne Le Mannen Som Log Mannequin Manon des Sources Manon of the Spring Manroof Mans Best Friend Map Of The Human Heart 1993 Mar Adentro Marci X Maria Full Of Grace (2004) Marias Lovers Marilyn Monroe - The final days 2001 Marius 1931 CD1 Marius 1931 CD2 Marnie (Hitchcock 1964) Married With Children 1x01 - Pilot Married With Children 1x02 - Thinergy Married With Children 1x03 - Sixteen Years and What You Get Married With Children 1x04 - But I Didnt Shoot the Deputy Married With Children 1x05 - Have You Driven a Ford Lately Married With Children 1x06 - Whose Room Is It Anyway Married With Children 1x07 - Al Loses His Cherry Married With Children 1x08 - Peggy Sue Got Work Married With Children 1x09 - Married Without Children Married With Children 1x10 - The Poker Game Married With Children 1x11 - Where Is the Boss Married With Children 1x12 - Nightmare On Als Street Married With Children 1x13 - Johnny B Gone Marrying Kind The (George Cukor 1952) Marrying The Mafia CD1 Marrying The Mafia CD2 Martian Chronicles The 1980 CD1 Martian Chronicles The 1980 CD2 Martin Lawrence Live Runteldat Marx Brothers - Horse Feathers (1932) Mary Poppins 1964 CD1 Mary Poppins 1964 CD2 Mask of Zorro Masque of the Red Death The Masques (Masks) Massacre 1989 Master And Commander - The Far Side Of The World (2003) CD1 Master And Commander - The Far Side Of The World (2003) CD2 Matango (Attack of the Mushroom People 1963) Matchstick Men Matrix Matrix Reloaded (2) Matrix Revisited The (2001) CD1 Matrix Revisited The (2001) CD2 Matrix Revolutions The CD1 Matrix Revolutions The CD2 Matrix The Maurice 1987 Mauvais Sang May (Lucky McKee 2002) McKenzie Break The 1970 McLintock CD1 McLintock CD2 Me Myself I Me Myself and Irene Mean Creek 2004 Mean Girls Meaning Of Life The (Monty Pythons) CD1 Meaning Of Life The (Monty Pythons) CD2 Medea Meet Joe Black Meet The Parents Mekhong Full Moon Party (2002) Melody Time Memrias Pstumas Men Behind the Sun Men In Black Men Make Women Crazy Theory Men Suddenly In Black Men in Black 2 Men in Tights Menace 2 society Mentale La Mentale La (The Code) Mephisto CD1 Mephisto CD2 Mercury Rising Mermaids Message in a Bottle Metroland 1997 Metropolis Metropolis (anime) Miami Tail A 2003 Michael Collins CD1 Michael Collins CD2 Michael Jackson Moonwalker 1988 Michael Jordan To The Max 2000 Michel Vaillant CD1 Michel Vaillant CD2 Michelangelo Antonioni - Blow up Mickey Blue Eyes 1999 Middle of the Moment Midnight (1998) Midnight Clear A Midnight Cowboy (1969) Midnight Express 1978 Midnight Mass 2002 Midnight Run CD1 Midnight Run CD2 Mighty Wind A Milagro De P Tinto El Milieu du monde Le (Alain Tanner 1974) Millers Crossing 1990 Million Dollar Baby CD1 Million Dollar Baby CD2 Million Le 1931 Mimic Mimic 2 Mindhunters Minimal Stories 2002 Minority Report 2002 Miracle On 34th Street Miracle Worker The Mirror The 1997 Misery Mishima A Life In Four Chapters DVDRip 1985 CD1 Mishima A Life In Four Chapters DVDRip 1985 CD2 Mission Cleopatra Mission Impossible (1996) Mission Impossible 2 Mission Mumbai Mission The CD1 Mission The CD2 Mission en Marbella Mississippi Burning CD1 Mississippi Burning CD2 Mississippi Mermaid 1969 Missouri Breaks The 1976 Mogambo CD1 Mogambo CD2 Mohabbatein CD1 Mohabbatein CD2 Mokey Business Mole The CD1 Mole The CD2 Molly Maguires The CD1 Molly Maguires The CD2 Mommie Dearest (1981) Mona Lisa Smile CD1 Mona Lisa Smile CD2 Monanieba CD1 Monanieba CD2 Monday Monella CD1 Monella CD2 Money Money Money (Claude Lelouch 1972) CD1 Money Money Money (Claude Lelouch 1972) CD2 Mongjunggi Monkeybone - Special Edition Mononoke Monsters Ball Monsters and Cie Monthy Python - Life Of Brian Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl 1982 Monty Python and the Holy Grail Monty Pythons Life of Brian Monty Pythons The Meaning of Life Monty Pythons and the Meaning of Life Moon Child 2003 CD1 Moon Child 2003 CD2 Moon Spinners CD1 Moon Spinners CD2 Moonfleet 1955 Moonlight Whispers 1999 Moscow Does Not Believe In Tears CD1 Moscow Does Not Believe In Tears CD2 Mosquito Coast The CD1 Mosquito Coast The CD2 Most Terrible Time In My Life The (1994) Mostly Martha Mother India 1957 CD1 Mother India 1957 CD2 Mother Kusters Goes To Heaven 1975 Mother Night 1996 Mother The 2003 CD1 Mother The 2003 CD2 Mothman Prophecies The Moulin Rouge CD1 Moulin Rouge CD2 Mouse Hunt Mrs Doubtfire Mrtav Ladan Muhammad - Legacy Of A Prophet CD1 2002 Muhammad - Legacy Of A Prophet CD2 2002 Mujer mas fea del mundo La Mummy Returns The - Collectors Edition (Widescreen) Mummy The - Full-Screen Collectors Edition Muppet Christmas Carol The Murder By Numbers Murder In The First 1995 Murder Most Foul (1964) Murder My Sweet 1944 Murder at the Gallop Muriels Wedding Musketeer The My Babys Daddy My Beautiful Laundrette My Big Fat Greek Wedding My Boss My Hero My Bosss Daughter 2003 My Girlfriends Boyfriend (Eric Rohmer 1987) My Life as a Dog 1985 My Life to Live My Neighbors the Yamadas (Isao Takahata 1999) CD1 My Neighbors the Yamadas (Isao Takahata 1999) CD2 My Son the Fanatic My Tutor Friend (2003) CD1 My Tutor Friend (2003) CD2 My Wife Is A Gangster 2 My Wife Is Gangster Mystery Of Rampo |