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McLintock CD2

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MRS. WARREN: Well, you're doing a good job, Miss McLintock.
BECKY: Thank you, Mrs. Warren.
When you're finished there,
go over and help Drago with the beer kegs.
Yes, Mom.
Uh, Dev... could you come and help me a minute?
l certainly was surprised to hear you went to college.
DEVLlN: Why?
BECKY: l don't know.
Junior says Purdue's a good college...
for a backwater place like lndiana.
Well, he did, indeed.
Oh, could you do this? l can't reach it.
Why didn't you finish college?
Lack of funds.
My father got sick, and he had to come out west.
So he took out a homestead.
BECKY: You know, your mom's sure cute.
lt's, uh, too bad you didn't inherit her eyes.
Well, you'd been lucky...
if you'd inherited a few things from your father.
Oh, really? For instance?
His common sense, for instance.
Common sense?
Yeah. You don't see him being fooled...
by some dude like Junior Douglas.
Junior's not a dude!
He's nifty.
This needs a woman's touch.
And besides, he got a letter at college.
What sport?
Glee club.
Very strenuous.
Hmmph! Oooh!
Oh! Don't you dare hug me!
DEV: l have no intention of hugging you.
(Music playing)
BEN: Ladies all look lovely, Katherine.
You know, this is a real fine party.
Oh, thank you, Ben.
Of course, we had to invite everybody.
Just everybody.
MAN: Sorry, G.W., this one's mine.
Well, thank you, Mrs. Warren.
l guess l'll have to be a good host in my own home.
Well, the next one's yours, Mr. McLintock.
Thank you.
Drago, go and do what l told you to do.
Oh, Katie!
Katherine! And do as you're told!
Ohh, Drago do this, Drago do that!
DRAGO: Yee-ha! People, people, people!
This Douglas feller...
KATE: Drago!
DRAGO: Yes, ma'am.
Matt Douglas, Jr...
is going to bring you folks...
some of the latest terpsichorean dance steps...
brand-new, brought by him directly from New York City.
(Squeals and applause)
All right, Mr. Fiddler.
Give me a whiskey!
(Ching speaking Chinese)
This turn a ten-gallon party, boss.
We are run out of whiskey.
Well, l can take care of that, Ching.
(Ching speaking Chinese)
YOUNG BEN: lndian!
And you still got any ideas about asking my sister to dance,
get up, and we can do this all over again.
JAKE: That's enough! You fought it! lt's all over!
YOUNG BEN: Quit butting in, Birnbaum!
He's a hired man, not your son!
JAKE: Look, you fought him fair and square!
DEV: l don't think it was so fair and square.
Well, you want to take up where he left off?
lf l did, you wouldn't find it so easy.
JAKE: Now, we've had enough of this!
YOUNG BEN: When are you going to quit walking away?
DEV: Just as soon as we're out of sight of the party.
A little lesson l learned back home:
Don't fight in front of women.
YOUNG BEN: Well, we're out of sight now.
DEV: So we are.
Such vulgarity.
Someone should do something about it.
You're right. Absolutely right.
You all right, Young Ben?
l'm all right, Mr. McLintock.
Pretty fancy fighting for a country boy.
Two years at Purdue, Mr. McLintock,
on the boxing team.
YOUNG BEN: l never thought any farmer could whip me,
but you sure did.
Better get him cleaned up. Get him some water, Jake.
JAKE: Yeah.
Well, get yourself cleaned up.
Go ask that girl for a dance.
DEV: Who?
Did l miss one?
FAUNTLEROY: Where is he?
l'll find him, that young whippersnapper!
G. W: Trouble.
FAUNTLEROY: Where is that farmer boy? Where is he?
Where is he, G.W.?
Oh, so you're the young farmer boy...
that whipped my nephew!
Well, l'm Fauntleroy Sage, Young Ben's uncle.
Well, l'm no farmer, but if you're Young Ben's uncle,
yes, l whipped him, and you're intruding.
What's "intruding" mean?
Butting in.
Oh, so he's insulting me!
Well, then l got another reason for walloping him,
besides on account of him thrashing my nephew Young Ben.
Fauntleroy, you can't get mixed up in these youngsters' quarrel.
Family honor.
l can't have it said a farmer whipped a Sage!
You're twice his size.
Don't let that bother you, Mr. McLintock.
lf Mr. Fauntleroy insists,
l'll just have to teach him the same lesson.
FAUNTLEROY: Sorry, young feller.
(Men laughing)
FAUNTLEROY: Hate to have to do that, young fella.
No hard feelings.
DEV: Not yet.
G. W: Not yet what?
DEV: l mean, that isn't all.
G. W: Now, wait a minute.
Fauntleroy, we're gonna make this a fair fight.
Course we are. Course we are, G.W.
There'll be none of this.
l wouldn't do that, G.W.
You wouldn't do...
FAUNTLEROY: Nooo, l wouldn't do that!
And, Dev...
l don't want you kicking Fauntleroy in the knee.
He didn't do no such thing!
And none of this nose-twisting.
(Fauntleroy screaming)
He's all yours.
AGARD: Where are my glasses?
You all right, young feller?
Ouch! l'm all right...
if this lndian agent will stop stepping all over me.
G.W., you was just funning me,
but l want you to know that boy fought me a fair fight.
Well, l'm glad to hear that, Fauntleroy.
YOUNG BEN: Where's my uncle?
Fauntleroy, what have you been doing?
l hope my uncle didn't bother anybody.
DEV: No bother.
G. W: l think we'd better join the ladies...
before they get curious. Drago!
DRAGO: Fauntleroy, let's line them all up for a do-si-do.
Jake, you think tincture of arnica would help?
JAKE: Could be. Used to help you.
Gentlemen, to the medicine cabinet.
Good morning, Drago.
Morning, Becky.
You seen Daddy?
Took off early this morning with a scatter gun over his arm.
Went hunting.
Morning, Daddy.
Good afternoon.
What gets you out so early?
lt's something l have to get straight in my mind.
G. W: Yeah?
Why did you and Mama stop living together, Daddy?
Why did you separate?
Aren't you going to answer me?
G. W: Nope.
lt's sort of my business, l think.
l don't.
ls it another woman? Usually is.
At your age, you always know what's usual.
ls it Mrs. Warren?
Becky, l don't want to start laying the law down...
your first day back home,
but l'll have no more such talk.
The first time l ever saw Mrs. Warren was last week.
She has a job here at which she's very good,
and l hope you'll have the good manners...
to not pry into other people's business...
Your mother's and mine.
Pretty good shot, Daddy.
Oh, l can understand your trouble.
Mama's often so, well, so petulant.
You learned a lot of words back east, Becky.
l wished to God they would have taught you some meanings.
You were only about six months old...
when your mother stayed alone with you in a sod hut...
under eight foot of snow...
while l moved the herd 300 miles south to try and save it.
Saved about half of it.
You were a little more than a year old...
at the time of the great Comanche raids.
We stood off 500 Plains lndians for nine days.
Petulant, Becky?
l think you better go on home.
See that Ching gets those birds.
Come here.
There's something l ought to tell you.
Guess now is as good a time as any.
You're going to have every young buck...
west of the Missouri around here trying to marry you,
mostly because you're a handsome filly,
but partly because l own everything in this country...
from here to there.
They'll think you're going to inherit it.
Well, you're not.
l'm going to leave most of it to...
well, to the nation, really,
for a park where no lumbermen will cut down all the trees...
for houses with leaky roofs.
Nobody will kill all the beaver for hats for dudes...
nor murder the buffalo for robes.
What l'm going to give you is a 500-cow spread...
on the upper Green River.
Now, that may not seem like much,
but it's more than we had, your mother and l.
Some folks are going to say l'm doing all this...
so l can sit up in the hereafter...
and look down on a park named after me,
or that l was disappointed in you,
didn't want you to get all that money.
But the real reason, Becky, is because l love you,
and l want you and some young man to have what l had,
because all the gold in the United States Treasury...
and all the harp music in heaven...
can't equal what happens between a man and a woman...
with all that growing together.
l can't explain it any better than that.
All right, Daddy.
When you're as old as l am, you'll thank me for this.
Daddy, l'm full-grown.
l wasn't worrying about me.
l was thinking about you and Mama.
(Woman laughing)
(Laughter continues)
JUNlOR: Well, sir, all three of them fell...
right out of the carriage.
KATE: Well, it's getting rather late, Becky.
lt's bedtime.
Oh, Mother, he brought this. He must have intended to use it.
Sing us a song.
JUNlOR: Well, if you really want me to.
Gosh, l haven't played...
BECKY: You know (l)Just Right for Me?
JUNlOR: Sure.
BECKY: lt's the rage now.
Dev, what are you doing?
DEV: Oh, l, uh...
l just thought l'd get another cigar.
Well, you've got one in your mouth...
and two burning in the tray.
And that move.
JUNlOR: The fellas want me to play all the time.
You're cuter than
A baby steer
And softer than
A mouse's ear
l want the whole wide world to hear
You're just right for me
You're sweeter than...
Oh, no, not that rhythm, Junior.
Do it the way they do it at the Plaza.
l know the words.
Sure, Becky. Will you sing with me?
Of course.
l love a man who's witty and smart
And clever
lt's your move.
BECKY: My heart forever
Oh, Dev, you're playing like an amateur.
Let's call it an evening.
l'd like to know where your mind is tonight.
JUNlOR AND BECKY: You're sweeter than
The early spring
Or bluebells when they start to...
Pretty good.
Voice like her father.
(Junior and Becky singing)
You're just right for me
Sweeter than honey
Finer than wine
l'm sure they found you
On that honeysuckle vine
JUNlOR: l would melt
ln your embrace
BECKY: You'd disappear
Without a trace
JUNlOR: To die like this
ls no disgrace
This is the time
This is the place
For you're
Just right for me
Well, it's so good, l kind of hate to break this up,
but we're going to have...
that lndian hearing tomorrow morning...
Sir, about our conversation earlier this evening,
l believe l'd better apologize.
G. W: Yeah?
Yes, sir, l've been thinking it over,
and when l called you a reactionary,
well, that's merely my generation's...
term for your generation.
Well, good night, sir.
Good night, Mrs. McLintock.
KATE: Good night and do come again.
JUNlOR: Good night, Drago.
DRAGO: Good night.
Boss... what does reactionary mean?
Me, l guess.
He says that anyone that wanted to sell at a profit...
was a reactionary.
Was we reactionaries back in them days...
when you was selling beef cattle...
for six cents a pound on the hoof?
Well, no use arguing with him. College boy.
Devlin Warren, if you was my kind of man,
you wouldn't let some dude...
walk off with the prettiest girl west of Denver...
without putting up some kind of fight.
Does it show?
What can l do? l'm just one of her father's employees.
l'm just a hired hand around here.
Every so often, Dev, you spill the strangest ideas.
(Horse neighing)
Everybody works for somebody.
Me, l work for everybody in these United States...
that steps into a butcher's shop for a T-bone steak,
and you work for me.
There's not much difference.
Daddy, the most terrible thing just happened!
Junior's horse ran away,
the one he rented at the livery stable.
You tied up a rented horse by the reins?
He's probably back in the stall by now.
l think we can get Junior something that he can ride.
What l'd rather do, Daddy,
is drive Junior home in our barouche.
lt's a lovely evening,
and l'm sure Uncle Drago wouldn't mind driving.
l would, and l got the kind of manners...
don't keep me from saying so just to be polite.
l'll drive him home, Mr. McLintock,
and you don't have to come, Miss Becky.
l'll see that he gets home safely.
l can take care of myself.
You got yourself a foot, didn't you?
Dev, get the carriage. Drago.
l'm going with them.
DRAGO: Now you got me wrangling dudes.
(Becky and Junior singing)
You make a man feel like a king
You're just right for me
Miss Becky, somebody better help me watch the road.
You know, l'm new around here. Might take the wrong turnoff.
Devlin Warren, you know there isn't a turnoff...
between here and town.
You disappear without a trace
To die like this
ls no disgrace
This is the time
This is the place
DEV: Yah! Yah!
Devlin Warren, what are you trying to do, kill us?
Would you rather have your friend drive?
Daddy! Daddy!
l have never been so humiliated in my entire life!
l said what l said, and l'll stand by it to the death.
Shoot him, Daddy. Shoot him at once.
Well, why?
My honor is at stake.
Well, now, your honor.
Absolutely. He impugned my honor.
lmpugned? What does that mean?
- Slander! He slandered my honor! - He did?
l said what l said, and l'll stand by it to the death.
He admits it! See? Shoot him!
Well, what is he admitting to?
Why, he called me a... l won't even repeat the word.
l didn't necessarily call you anything,
but l said what l said, and l'll stand by it to the death.
Well, just for the tally books, what did you say?
l said that any girl who would permit a man to kiss her...
before they're formally engaged is a trollop.
He said it again! Shoot him!
Now, hold on.
No, don't hold on!
lf you're my father, if you love me, you'll shoot him.
Well, l'm your father...
and l sure love you...
Oh, you shot him! You really shot him!
lf he dies...
lf he dies,
he'll be the first man ever killed with a blank cartridge.
We use this to start the races on the Fourth.
DEV: Hey, l'm on fire!
Oh, you poor dear!
Poor dear! You'd have had me shot in cold blood!
But it didn't happen.
Yelling l insulted you and all!
What you need is a good spanking!
Oh, Dev! Daddy!
Leave me out of this!
Oh, l think l'll give you what you deserve.
- You wouldn't dare! - Oh, wouldn't l?
You'll think next time before you have someone shot!
This kicking and yelling isn't going to help!
Don't! Daddy, wait a minute! Daddy!
(Becky screaming)
Daddy, help me! Don't!
Devlin Warren, l hate you! l hate you!
(Becky screaming)
G.W., was that a shot?
Becky, what happened?
He spanked me!
You spanked my daughter?
KATE: Ohh!
You mean you stood there while that brute beat our daughter?
G.W., what's happened to you in the last three years?
Better part of valor, son.
KATE: lsn't it enough that you've always treated me...
like a squaw without subjecting dear, sweet Becky...
to this crude, vulgar...
Katherine, you women are always raising hell about one thing...
when it's something else you're really sore about.
Don't you think it's about time you told me...
what put the burr under your saddle about me?
l don't intend to stand here...
and hold a midnight conversation...
with an intoxicated man.
And l am not intoxicated!
(Door slams)
Hello, Governor!
Hello, Governor!
Chief Puma.
Yes, Sergeant.
Big McLintock, we know you'll get us fair judgment.
SERGEANT: You gentlemen, follow me.
Well, Jake.
Well, G.W., it's been a long time.
G. W: Not long enough... Cuthbert.
Your husband is a rude man.
Yes, Cuthbert, l know.
Where you want the lndians, Mr. McLintock?
Mr. McLintock is not running this hearing.
Sergeant, seat those lndians.
Yes, sir.
Gentlemen, be seated.
Their whole tribe here wanted to come into town.
Proceed, Lieutenant.
This hearing is now in session,
Governor Cuthbert Humphreys presiding.
BECKY: Good luck, Daddy.
G. W: l'm afraid it's a packed court.
MAN: Government edict number 826.
"As ordered that the Comanche nation be transferred..."
"from their present reservation to Fort Sill,"
"it is the government's claim as filed by lndian agent Agard..."
"that these chiefs, after being released from prison..."
"by a kindly government..."
"did then rouse and incite defiance among the tribe..."
"against said order."
lt seems, gentlemen,
that although some of these chiefs speak English...
Chief Puma is quite at home in our language...
they have chosen Mr. McLintock to be their spokesman.
G. W: l speak for the Comanche...
or rather l offer this translation.
Proceed, Mr. McLintock.
We are an old people and a proud people.
When the White Man first came among us,
we were as many as the grasses of the prairie.
Now we are few, but we are still proud.
For if a man lose his pride and manhood, he is nothing.
You tell us now that if we will let you send us away...
to this place called Fort Sill,
you will feed us and care for us.
Let us tell you this:
lt is a Comanche law that no chief ever eats...
unless first he sees that the pots are full of meat...
in the lodges of the widows and orphans.
lt is the Comanche way of life.
This that the White Man calls charity...
is a fine thing for widows and orphans,
but no warrior can accept it,
for if he does, he is no longer a man...
and when he is no longer a man, he is nothing...
and better off dead.
You say to the Comanche,
"You are widows and orphans. You are not men."
And we the Comanches say we would rather be dead.
lt will not be a remembered fight when you kill us,
because we are few now and have few weapons,
but we will fight, and we will die Comanche.
Thank you, Big McLintock.
Am l to gather the Comanche defy...
the government of the United States?
Yes, you may gather that the Comanche defy...
the United States government...
or at least this commission.
HUMPHREYS: Gentlemen.
(Men whispering)
lt is the order of this court...
that these chiefs be incarcerated until such time...
as the detachment of United States cavalry...
be made available to escort them and the Comanche nation...
to Fort Sill.
This court is adjourned.
PUMA: McLintock, you are important chief...
amongst these white people.
Sway them.
Have them give us few guns to make the fight worthwhile.
Let us have one last remembered fight for end of Comanche.
l almost wish l could arrange that, Puma.
(G.W. and Puma speaking Comanche)
Left, right, carry on.
lt's sad, these changing times.
lt isn't the times that are changing, Mama.
(lndians chanting)
Hi, G.W.
Hello, Lem.
Oh, howdy, McLintock.
Figured you'd be belly-down drunk by now.
l've been doing some thinking drinking, Bunny.
ls that boxcar still on the siding?
BUNNY: Well, sure, but...
G. W: But what?
BUNNY: l don't like it. G. W: You don't, eh?
BUNNY: You figure if them lndians get out of there...
and lead the cavalry on a wild goose chase,
that Great White Father's going to get nosy.
G. W: Get nosy, and he'll investigate,
and when they find out...
how that sidesaddle governor's been messing things up,
they'll give those lndians a fair trial.
BUNNY: That's live ammunition in that boxcar.
You know what will happen...
if them lndians get some guns in their hands?
Somebody is going to get hurt.
ls Puma's word good enough for you?
BUNNY: Well, l don't...
McLintock, you got yourself a partner.
G. W: Leave me out of this.
Hey, McLintock...
Ha ha ha. Good night, Bunny.
Good night, Governor.
Where is the Katie
With her light red hair?
Sweet as the roses
On the summer air
On the summer air
l'll find her somewhere
While the moon is high
And tell her that l love her
And l'll love her till l die
The master's home!
Katie! Katie!
Katherine Gilhooly McLintock!
Where's the woman of the house?
MRS. WARREN: Uh, Mr. McLintock.
G. W: Oh, there you...
Mrs. Warren!
Oh, good evening.
l waited up for you, Mr. McLintock.
G. W: Oh, how nice.
MRS. WARREN: l want to talk to you about something.
G. W: Delighted, delighted.
309 times straight.
l beg your pardon?
309 times straight, without a miss.
Got to be a record.
MRS. WARREN: l suppose so.
Now, Mr. McLintock, what l wanted to say...
Two-pound Stetson with 6-inch brim, 53 feet in the air.
lt's got to be a record.
l'm sure it is, but the reason l waited...
Dagnammit, woman, can't you hold that glass still?
Of course, sir.
Down the hatch to my world's record.
Down the hatch!
MRS. WARREN: Yes, sir.
And now...
to the governor of our territory.
T-t-the governor of the territory, sir?
Now, don't you stick up for him, Mrs. Warren.
You're a fine woman, Mrs. Warren,
but you'll certainly go down in my estimation...
if you stick up for Cuthbert H. Humphreys,
governor of this territory.
l don't mean to change the...
G. W: Down the hatch.
Aw... yes sir.
Down the hatch.
Cuthbert H. Humphreys, governor of our territory, is a cull.
Do you know what a cull is, ma'am?
A cull is a specimen that is so worthless...
that you have to cut him out of the herd.
Now, if all the people in the world were put in one herd,
Cuthbert is the one l would throw my rope at.
At whom, at whom l would throw my rope at.
Natural born cull.
Another touch, ma'am?
Oh, no, sir, no.
Well, l, l don't mind if l do.
G. W: Good.
You can't walk on one leg.
Oh, l didn't mean to be vulgar, ma'am.
Can't walk on one limb.
MRS. WARREN: lt's all right.
G. W: Sounds silly. Only a bird can walk on a limb.
You know my wife?
Her name's Kate.
She insists on being called Katherine.
Do you know her?
Of course, Mr. McLintock, and that's what l wanted to talk...
Well, she thinks that Cuthbert H. Humphreys is panting...
for her like a bull buffalo at the first green-up of spring.
But what Cuthbert is panting for is my money.
(Tsk tsk tsk)
Don't make me feel like l'm drinking alone, ma'am.
Very well, Mr. McLintock, if you insist.
Down the hatch!
Mr. McLintock...
l have something very important to say to you.
Very important.
Guess it'll have to wait till the morning.
No, it's all right. lt's all right.
Beddy bye-bye.
Whoops... Oh!
Mrs. Warren...
Let me assist you.
Very kind.
Ooop... ooop... oop!
What's going on here?
Now, Katherine, are you going to believe what you see...
or what l tell you?
Uh, Mrs. McLintock, hope you won't misunderstand.
lt's the first hundred women sitting on his lap...
that l misunderstood.
Number 101 is quite simple.
Now, G.W. McLintock, l have something...
He's gone to sleep.
Just when l know exactly what l want to say to him,
he goes to sleep.
l waited up to talk to Mr. McLintock.
l wanted to tell him l was quitting.
You see, Sheriff Lord has asked me to marry him, and...
Oh, oh, congratulations!
l don't want to seem prudish,
but if you are going to marry Sheriff Lord,
it seems to me that you're sitting on the wrong man's lap.
Come on, l'll help you upstairs,
and we'll have a long talk about men in general.
One moment.
Ooh... Oh!
Watch out! You'll get us all killed.
Wait a minute, ladies, till l catch my breath,
then l'll get you up those stairs,
as sure as my name is George Washington McLintoooock.
KATE: You may be quitting, Mrs. Wallace...
Mrs. Warren.
KATE: But not tomorrow.
l want my breakfast in bed. l want...
MRS. WARREN: l know. Toast, lightly browned...
Somebody sure put a knob on my skull.
DRAGO: lt was Katie.
G. W: Katie? Why?
DRAGO: Mrs. Warren was there...
And there you was, there...
And there the whiskey bottle was, there.
And Katie's temper being what Katie's temper is, well...
There you are.
Drago, old friend,
my wife does not understand me.
DRAGO: Why should she be any different than any other?
Come on, l got to get you up the stairs.
Get you ready for that big celebration tomorrow.
Watch it!
l am sleeping in the den.
(Band playing)
(Firecrackers explode)
Ain't got no respect for your elders.
(Chanting) Bunny lost his temper!
Bunny lost his temper! Bunny lost his temper!
Scallywags! Little imps!
l hope you get the measles!
MAN: Oop! Oh, ooh!
G. W: Come on, get him aboard.
ls everybody ready?
MAN: Uh, number five needs a flank cinch.
G. W: Get him one.
Let us know when you're ready.
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen...
lt is my honor to present to you the governor of our territory,
Cuthbert H. Humphreys.
GOVERNOR: Thank you, Mayor.
My friends and citizens of this great territory,
this is the ninth consecutive year...
it has been my privilege and my pleasure...
to inaugurate the McLintock Fourth of July celebration.
Now, the first event will be the wild horse race.
But before l fire the shot to start the event,
l would like to say a few modest words...
regarding my stewardship of this great territory.
(Firecracker explodes)
Ride it, Ben! Crush him! Crush him!
All right, Professor Birnbaum.
(Band plays)
Sheriff, here's your horse.
DRAGO: Come on, get them all lined up.
Come here, Ching.
Now, boys, you all know the rules.
lt's twice around the inside and once around the outside.
First cowboy that hits that finish line...
without busting that egg is a winner.
And l caution you boys about some of them eggs,
'cause some of them eggs are last year's holdovers.
DRAGO: All right, mount up.
Katherine, my dear, you seem to be enjoying yourself.
Oh, yes. This is wonderful.
lt's is the only thing l really do enjoy...
about this barbaric country: the Fourth of July celebration.
Well, Katherine, l've been here for three days.
l haven't heard from you. ls anything wrong?
Well, l just hope that it hasn't been necessary...
for you to say anything to G.W.
What are you talking about?
Well, Katherine, you see, l'm in a rather delicate position,
being governor of the territory and all.
l just hope you haven't found it necessary...
to say anything about...
About... what?
About you and me.
Why, you pompous windbag.
Do you think that you're the only man...
who's ever tried to play pattyfingers with me?
Who's ever tried to lure me into the moonlight?
Well, no, but l...
Well, l'm a big girl, and l can take care of myself.
My husband knows it.
l can assure you, Governor, that your reputation is untarnished.
Now get out of my way.
(Crowd laughs)
Folks, we got ourselves a winner.
Curly Fletcher!
JAKE: Mazel tov, Curly!
DRAGO: Give me the egg.
Here you go, Curly.
G.W., G.W., you'll never believe what happened over there.
You smell of beer.
Well, naturally. l'm drinking beer.
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,
the next event will be a contest...
between the two bronco-busting champions of our territory.
You remember the year l rode in that event?
Wore your garters to hold up my sleeves?
We had a bet, and l won it.
George Washington McLintock, you are a very crude man.
Well, l guess so, but that was a rough horse.
Like to jarred my insides loose.
But it was worth it.
Free beers!
(Men cheer)
JAKE: One... two... three...
Hey, keep a tight rope!
Come on, Dev! Pull him, pull him!
Dev, Dev, are you all right?
l guess so. Nothing busted but my pride.
Well, that ought to even things up, farmer.
For what?
For that sore nose you gave me the other day.
DRAGO: Well, that ain't what's sore on him.
(lndians yelling)
lt's the cow pony race.
The finish line is at the barbecue.
So, start meandering.
DRAGO: Come on!
Now, what is that? False courage?
Why, you know a Douglas doesn't ever use a thing like that.
l want you to get on that horse,
get out in front and stay out in front.
l'll be out in front, Dad, all the way.
Aw, good boy.
Now, remember, stay out in front.
That Agamemnon's a good horse.
(Horse neighing)
Whoah, Agamemnon.
(Whistle blows)
MAN: 11:40, and she's on time.
Come on, boy, whoah!
(Speaking Comanche)
Oh, McLin.
Big party. Where's your whiskey?
Whose idea was this stunt?
Duck, doggone it, them are real bullets.
Oh. Oh!
BUNNY: Reckon that's about all the excitement you'd want...
for one Fourth of July, eh?
DRAGO: Old Puma finally got his way.
But l reckon he's riding out his last war party.
G. W: Well, he won't get very far.
JAKE: But one thing still has me puzzled.
Where did they get the guns?
G. W: l was wondering the same thing.
BUNNY: My kidney's been bothering me...
G. W: Bunny...
(Whispering) G.W.! Psst! Pssst!
(G.W. laughing)
What an idiotic joke!
Joke! Do you think that was a joke?
Well, shut up!
Do you want everybody in town to see me?
You look good in feathers.
BECKY: Dev, l think they've gone.
DEV: Yeah!
What are you going to do about it?
What can l do?
Nothing! Just like you've always done!
How long, G.W.?
How long, what?
DRAGO: She's been riding herd on you for two years now.
JAKE: l'm a peaceable man, but my father used to say,
"You raise your voice, it doesn't do any good,"
"it's time to raise your hand."
Well, l've been planning to do something about it. l'll, uh...
l'll have another talk with her.
JAKE: Talk to her?
Talk to her!
Talking won't do any good.
Becky, have you seen your m...
What's been happening around here?
You've got hay all over you.
Been some mighty sneaky goings-on here during that raid,
Mr. McLintock.
Who was it said only a trollop would kiss a man...
before they were formally engaged?
Oh, but we are engaged, sir.
- You are? - That is, with your permission.
Well, you've got it.
Oh, Mrs. Warren?
l think it's wonderful.
l guess this is the only engagement...
that ever started off of a spanking.
DRAGO: Mm-hmm, l reckon Birnbaum was right.
All right.
Lord bless us, this is gonna be a great day.
Doggone it, folks, let's don't let a little old lndian raid...
break up a good barbecue and a rodeo.
The meat's on!
You contestants get ready for the cow pony race.
(Knock on door)
Who is it?
G. W: lt's me. Let me in.
Not now.
(Slams door open) Right now!
KATE: Are you insane?
G. W: l want to talk to you.
KATE: lt'll have to wait.
Oh, G.W.!
G. W: l've taken all l'm going to take from you.
KATE: You are insane.
You are going to tell me why you packed up, picked up,
and walked out on me.
Two years ago... you remember... you came home from Denver...
with lipstick all over your...
(Crowd laughing)
Lipstick on my collar.
KATE: And l've got the shirt to prove it.
G. W: Who cares!
Why, you big...
GOVERNOR: Katherine!
G.W., you are a ruffian.
Cuthbert, you are right.
Well, what kind of a family is that?
The best!
And dangerous, fella.
AGARD: Well, what happened? Who won the race?
MAN: Who cares, Agard? History's being made.
Yes, Rufus?
l regret to inform you l've changed my mind about matrimony.
MAN: Hey! Mrs. McLintock!
G. W: Keep them out of here.
Looks like G.W.'s buying out the whole store.
l'm afraid you're right.
Crummy family! Crummy family!
KATE: Oh, G.W., G.W.!
Oh, oh, G.W., G.W.
Oh, Mrs. McLintock, you're all wet!
Am l? Try it!
Wrong woman, G.W.
Oh, pardon me.
Mrs. McLintock,
you setting a new style?
Mr. McLintock! ln here!
lf l ever get through this humiliation,
you will rue the day you ever met me!
Oh, bellyache and fight all you want.
lt won't do you any good.
You've been digging those burrs into me for two years.
Now, you're going to get your comeuppance.
(Kate screaming)
My father would be proud of you!
Then l'll make him prouder.
Stop it! Aah!
G. W: Keep it. You may need it.
Now get your divorce.
Home! Don't spare the horse.
- Home? Are you... - You heard me.
KATE: Don't think you're going to get rid of me that easy.
G. W: No more living in the capital?
G. W: No more Newport in season?
KATE: Nope.
G. W: No more dancing at the Governor's Ball?
KATE: No, G.W.
G. W: Happy days!
KATE: 310 times, without a miss.
That's a record.
MASH 1970 CD1
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