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Me Myself I

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{y:i}- I'd like to be a psychologist.|{y:i}-Something in the travel industry.
{y:i}-A vet. I love animals.|{y:i}- Rich and famous.
{y:i}I want to be a mechanic.
{y:i}I want to be a bass guitar player,|{y:i}and I want to travel a lot.
{y:i}-A photographer.|{y:i}- I'd like to be a psychiatrist.
{y:i}A secretary to earn lots of money.
I'd like to maybe be|a fashion designer...
or I'd like to be a philosopher.
I want to be happy|and successful.
- I want to be a masseuse.|- I want to be a sky-dive instructor.
- I'd like to be a supermodel.|- I want to be a painter or comedienne.
I'm going to marry|my boyfriend Jared and have...
four kids.
I want to get married and that,|but like not straight away.
Settle down with a guy,|and then have a family.
To be honest, I don't want|to get married whatsoever.
Getting married and having children--|definitely yes-- but not too early.
But I don't recommend you leave it too|late, 'cause you should see my auntie.
She's so desperate.
That's a no. That's a no. That's|a maybe, but I think it'll be a no.
Green Oaks High says tomorrow's no good.|Try ringing back next year.
The personal growth teacher|at North Hills canceled.
Presbyterian Grammar School|banned you...
since that piece you did on|their Year Eight drug dealers.
Your dry cleaning's ready to be|picked up, and your mother called.
- Another bloody award.|- What for?
Your teen suicide number.|Tedious, isn't it?
You must have enough paperweights|to sink a ship by now.
Jesus, Pam...
You're not still researching|that story on girls, are you?
- I know, I know, deadline's looming!|- Second deadline.
- Is that all?|- Actually, no.
If it's Joe's domestic violence story,|I'm going through it with him tomorrow.
No, it's not that.|It's something else.
- I don't quite know how to put this.|- Haven't got all day, Max.
Well, actually, it's not just me.|It's the whole office.
There's something--
Look, I know I've been|a real pain in the butt lately...
but it's been 17 1/2 days, and I'm not|going to take up smoking again...
just to make your life easier.
It's just that the girls want to know|how many candles to put on your cake.
Happy birthday!
I'll kill you.
Don't look at me.|Rog organized the whole thing.
{y:i}I believe in miracles
{y:i}Where you from, you sexy thing
{y:i}You sexy thing|{y:i}You sexy thing, you sexy thing
{y:i}I believe in miracles
{y:i}-Since you came along|{y:i}- You sexy thing, you sexy thing
{y:i}Hi. You've reached my machine,|{y:i}but don't hang up.
{y:i}Please leave a message,|{y:i}send a fax or try the mobile.
{y:i}Pam? Just your old mum|{y:i}ringing to wish you the best.
{y:i}But you're not there,|{y:i}so let's hope you're out celebrating.
{y:i}Righty-ho.|{y:i}Happy birthday, love.
I love and approve of myself.
I love and approve of myself.
I love and approve of myself.
I am in the rhythm and fow|of ever-changing life.
I deserve the best,|and I accept the best.
Where are you?
I guess I could go|to nightclubs, discos...
but, well, I mean,|if I was a decent kind of lady...
sitting there,|minding my own business...
and a man like me came up and tried|to strike up a conversation, well--
I'd think I was a sleaze.
So, I certainly don't think|there's anything wrong...
with people, you know,|making use of personal advertisements.
And I absolutely can't see that there's|anything to be ashamed of about that.
Can you? I mean,|it's not like we're freaks.
It's not like we're|social retards, no.
We're just intelligent,|mature people trying to...
take our destinies|into our own hands.
Bastard. Coward.
Misogynist. Commitmophobe.
Dental surgeon.
Mr. Right.
Oh, Robert Dickson.
Why did I let you go?
I mean, God, Terri,|I was going to be so successful.
What do you mean? You are!
I've completely fucked up.
You were so lucky to meet Leonard.
You've got a gorgeous husband,|a fantastic marriage...
and now, to top it all off,|uou've got Otto.
- You're disgustingly happy.|- Oh, well, I'm so sorry.
Anyway, what's happy?|You know where it comes from?
In here, attitude.
That's easy to say|when you're happy.
- I think I've missed the boat.|- Rubbish.
I'm thinking|about having a baby...
by myself if I have to.
- I thought you didn't like kids.|- What's that got to do with it?
Oh, pooh!
- It's different when they arrive.|- Come on, Mr. Pooh.
I like Otto.
I'm supposed to be happily married|with two kids by now.
- Says who?|- A clairvoyant.
When did you see|a clairvoyant?
Ages ago, after I decided|not to marry Robert.
You don't seriously still think|about Robert Dickson, do you?
- How many years are we talking, 10, 12?|- Thirteen.
Whatever happened to Dicko?
He ended up marrying|Janine Lititski.
Anyway, this clairvoyant said|move on, don't look back...
and I'd meet a wonderful man and have|two great kids by the time I was--
By now.
One more time! Hold on tight|at the back. Okay, ready? Step!
Elbow! Knee!
Now, come on. Let's put something|into it. Show us you mean it. Yell!
Okay, let's go.|Okay, step! Elbow!
Come on! Come on! There's no point|in being ladylike about it.
- So, go! Go!|- Go!
Okay. Okay. Now,|let's say that he's got a hold of you.
- What are some of the things you use?|- Kicking.
- Punching?|- Yelling?
Okay, and if he's got you|on the ground, on top of you?
- Scratch his eyes out.|- Pretend to cooperate. Bite his tongue.
- Okay. Anything else?|- Rupture his scrotum.
So, do you think girls get|a fair go in this school?
- What's this for again?|- I write for 'Focal Point'.
I'm researching an article|about girls today--
what they want out of life, dreams,|expectations, obstacles.
Oh, that's good stuff, 'Focal Point'.|Great articles.
- You read it?|- Yeah. I can, you know.
No, I didn't mean--
I just didn't think it was the kind|of thing that a P.E. teacher would--
A P.E. teacher? Oh. No,|this isn't phys-ed. This is Life Skills.
So you're a--
- A student crisis counselor.|- Sorry.
Ben. Ben Monroe.
Pamela Drury.
There was a terrific story|a while back on teen suicide.
Thank you.
- You wrote that?|- I can, you know.
I wish I'd made a copy of it. Do you|reckon I could get hold of a back copy?
Yes, I think so...
if you really want.
- Nearly went that way myself, you know.|- Suicide?
-Journalism.|- Oh.
Investigative, of course.|You know, ask the hard questions.
Expose corruption.|Right all wrongs.
Look, I'm really sorry. I've gotta rush.|I've got a student waiting.
- That's fine.|- If you ever need any help,just--
Well, that would be great.|It's a real hassle getting into schools.
All right. Well--
I'm a bit hard to catch here.
You know, we get|the lot in this place--
You know, eating disorders,|racism, harassment...
assault, drugs...
and a bit of self-mutilation|on a good day.
Hot date, Mr. Monroe?|Reckon you'll get your end in?
{y:i}- That's what I like about you|{y:i}-About you
{y:i}- You hold me tight|{y:i}- Tight
{y:i}Tell me I'm the only one
{y:i}- Wanna come over tonight|- Hello!
Oh, hi, Mum.|Hang on, hang on, hang on.
Yeah, I'm just in the middle of dinner.|That's all right.
Steak and vegetables.
How are you?
No, not tonight.|I've got work to do.
Mum, I do look after myself.
I do get out. I've seen people.
Do you always have to do this?
Mum, I'm not being sensitive.
Mum, I have not chosen|a solitary lifestyle.
Hi. Ben?
Oh, it's Pamela Drury,|the journalist from this afternoon.
Look. This might sound crazy.
I don't normally do|this type of thing, but...
I was wondering--|please say if this is inappropriate--
but I was wondering if--
Oh, fuck!
He cooks.
Please, God,|don't make him an alcoholic.
{y:i}When I was young
{y:i}I never needed
{y:i}And making love was just for fun
{y:i}Those days are gone
{y:i}I think of all the friends I've known
{y:i}And when I dial the telephone
{y:i}Nobody's home
{y:i}All by myself
{y:i}Don't wanna be
{y:i}All by myself
{y:i}I took a chance
{y:i}Sometimes I feel so insecure
{y:i}Love's so distant and obscure
- Get that in you. You look like death.|- Thanks, Charlie.
- You gotta look after yourself, Pamela.|- Yeah, yeah, I know.
Excuse me. I'm conducting a survey.|Do you have a moment?
Doesn't take long. Great.
-Do you live in the inner-city vicinity?|-Yes.
- And are you employed?|- Yes.
Which age group describes you?
- 18 to 25, 25 to 30, 30 to 35--|- Stop!
- Do you consider yourself to be happy?|- Pardon?
Do you have faith|in our Lord,Jesus Christ?
As a matter of fact,|I am happy.
Happy, happy, happy.
Probably a lot happier than you, you|patronizing little prick. Now piss off!.
Oh, my God!|I didn't see you.
Are you all right?
Are you hurt?
Am I dead?
Robert Dickson!
This should do the trick.
Stacy's 12 1/2. Douglas is ten.
That was supposed to be it,|then along came Rupert.
- He was a diaphragm baby.|- Rupert?
Rob's great grandfather.
What's your earliest memory?
Tommy Higginbothom|throwing up all over me.
Yes! I still can't bear|the smell of egg mayonnaise.
Let alone eat it.
First period?
Oh, it was a Saturday morning?
I was meant to be meeting|the others down at the beach.
- I was only what?|- Twelve.
I thought it was the end|of the world. Mum--
Caught me trying to burn|my underpants in the incinerator.
What did she say?
''You should be pleased|You're becoming a woman.''
- I guess you don't smoke.|- I gave up years ago.
You can't with a family, you know.
Well, tell me about|all the exciting things in your life.
Oh, well, you|must have done so much.
The kids from school.
God! What have you|done to your hair?
Can I have some juice?
You open it, please.
What's for tea?
- Do you know what I want to have?|- Scintillating conversation?
- A broken leg. That'd be so cool.|- I'll give you one, if you like.
With a plaster so everyone|could tag all over, like that Muzza.
Remember? Where we went last year|for Easter? Mum, what was it called?
- Mum, where was it? Mum?|- Katoomba.
Or a broken arm. My right arm so|I wouldn't have to do any schoolwork.
It's cool to go to hospital. I guess you|have to go to the toilet in your bed.
Is it true?|Is it true, Mum? Mum!
- Is what true?|- Do they stick tubes up you?
I don't know.|I've never been to hospital.
You have so! Three times.|For Stacy, me and Rupert, dumbhead!
{y:i}I'll do it|{y:i}on national television.
{y:i}Lisa, I love you very much.
{y:i}- I was wondering if you will marry me.|{y:i}- Of course.
{y:i}Your call could not be connected.
{y:i}Please check the number|{y:i}and try again.
{y:i}Your call could not be connected.|{y:i}Please check the number--
{y:i}How about Friday,|{y:i}the 15th of March?
{y:i}- Name, please?|- Drury. Initial P.
{y:i}- Is that B?|- No, P for peculiar.
{y:i}- What street?|- Barnes Avenue.
{y:i}There's no listing|{y:i}under that name.
None? Are you sure? None?
{y:i}- I'm sorry. There's no listing.|- Could you try again, please?
{y:i}Hurry up! Hurry up!
What are you doing?
- Are you all right?|- Yes.
No. Actually, I--
I think I'm going...
to bed.
Mum? If you haven't got|uour period yet...
do you have to use a condom|when you have sex?
Come on, Pamela.|You've gotta wake up.
Wake up.
You're not asleep, are you?
Oh, come on.
Oh! Oh, thank God you're there!
Mum, I think I'm going cr--
Oh, yeah. Sorry. It's a bit late.
I know. Mum? Mum, I've--
I th--
The what?
No, they're fine, Mum.
The kids are fine.
No, nothing's wrong, Mum.
It's nothing really.
I just had a nightmare.
Sorry. Didn't mean to wake you. Bye.
Come on, or I'll be late!
{y:i}What are you doing?|{y:i}Dad never goes this way.
{y:i}Oh. Which way does he go?
{y:i}- The other way, dummy.|{y:i}- Right.
{y:i}I don't go to parties, baby
{y:i}'Cause people tend to freak me out
{y:i}I want you to listen, work it out
{y:i}I can hear the words, but|{y:i}I still don't know what it's all about
- There's no bread or milk.|{y:i}- You won't see me down--
Yuck! Who's that for?
Excuse me.
- Big family.|- Two boys and a girl.
Don't you have to pick up Douglas?
And then she just ran at him.
Went face first|into the mud. Crunch!
You could hear his nose|go everywhere, blood spewing.
He had to go to hospital|in the ambulance and everything.
You should have seen it.|It was so excellent.
I need to go to the toilet.
Okay? Let's go.
I'm not finished.
There you go.
I'll just be out here.
- I'm finished!|- Out you come then.
You finished or not?
Shouldn't you be able|to do this yourself?
- Thanks, mate.|- Daddy!
- Hey, tiger! Oh!|- Daddy!
Now let me guess.
Strawberry milk shake|and French fries. Yeah?
Look at you.
I'm wrecked.|Stuck in Melbourne for two hours.
Did you get the roof fixed?
- Cup of tea?|- No, thanks.
I've got to look at some plans|before we go out.
Bit soon for Alzheimer's,|isn't it?
Your birthday dinner, remember?
Oh, and I haven't had a chance|to get you a present yet.
I am in the rhythm and fow|of ever-changing life.
God! Does that thing still fit?
Where's Harriet?|She's late. Isn't she?
- Maybe she's not coming.|- Yes!
Don't tell me|we haven't got a sitter.
Well, Stacy seems|pretty mature for her age.
And I think it's about time|we gave her more responsibility.
I'm so sorry!
Go! Hurry.|Don't worry about the kids. Hi, guys.
Hi, Harriet.
- Hey, we were getting worried.|- Sorry, Terri.
- Baby-sitter.|- Fantastic!
Your hair!
Love it! Less housewifey.
The party's nothing fancy.|I hope you weren't expecting--
Oh, this?|I just felt like wearing it.
Brings back memories, hey?
- How's Otto?|- He's sleeping. Come and have a look.
That's Otto?
I know, but you spend a day|in hospital...
and have your balls chopped off|and see how you feel.
Poor darling.|But he was an animal.
Pamela, happy birthday.
No, it's crap.|The Gold Coast is where-- Hey!
Here's to the birthday girl! Whoa,|look at her. Doesn't she look great?
Many happy returns there, Pammy.
Geoffrey Ballodero!
Come on. Can't a fella|have a little kiss once a year?
- You going to have me up on date rape?|- Hey, you two!
Can we have a cease-fire|for tonight, please?
Happy birthday, Pam.|You look terrific.
- Come on.|-Janine!
You're still friends|with Geoffrey Ballodero!
I can't believe it.|He's exactly the same.
Let's face it. You've never got|a good word for Geoff, so--
- People were meant to improve with age.|- I think that's wine.
Do you ever wonder what would have|happened if we hadn't got married?
- Where would you be now if I'd said no?|- Who knows?
Maybe you would have married|Janine Lititski.
Oh, give me a break! Janine?
Geoff-and-Janine Janine?
Let's do something.
- Hmm?|- Let's go dancing.
- Dancing?|- What about that place we used to go?
- What place?|- You remember. The place with the view.
On the way back to your fat|in Dempster Street.
We'd sit in the car|and talk all night.
Dempster Street?|What century are you in?
Or we could just go down|by the harbor.
Go for a walk and talk.
Why? What do you want|to talk about?
Oh, nothing. I just thought|it would be nice to catch up.
- To what?|- Talk.
At ten dollars an hour?|It's cheaper to talk at home.
Oh, yes.
Oh, come on, Pamela.|Haven't you ever heard of safe sex?
- ''I sat by the lake.''|- Lake.
- ''I looked at the sky.''|- The sky.
''And as I looked--''
A fly came by.
''A fly went by.|He said, 'Oh, dear.'
I saw him shake.|He shook with fear.''
Get off!. Douglas, move over!
Give me some room!|What are you doing?
I need space, too, see!|You're hogging!
Oh! Douglas,|get out of the car!
Douglas, you are disgusting!
- Mum! Mum!|- Oh, pooh!
Douglas, do you want to die?
- '' Douglas, do you want to die?''|- Mum!
Douglas, could you please|not do that? It's really offensive.
- It wasn't me. It was Brandy.|- Douglas Dickson!
Stop farting, or you'll be spending|the day with your grandmother!
I mean it!
- Good pass to Dickson.|- Dickson to Dickson!
He's gonna spike that line!|Oh, look at the footwork!
- Crunched him to the ground!|- Yes!
- Ooh, he doesn't like it.|- Go, Dad!
Hey, how about a game?
Girls against guys.
But you hate football.
No, I don't! I used to go out|with a professional footballer.
Oh, ages ago.|You know, before--
- Well, at school.|- You don't know how to kick. Here.
Give Mum a go, Douglas.|We'll have a proper game later.
Way to go, Pam!
Oh, and Hentinghouse|is making another goal!
Go, Mum! Go, Mum!
- What's that?|- What?
It's the feasibility study|for the Bouvier job.
Will you be long?
I've got a meeting first thing.|I thought the light didn't bother you.
Oh, no, it doesn't.
It's just I--
I feel like reading myself.
- What?|- You were asleep.
No, I wasn't.
What's the matter?
Nothing's the matter.
It's just I--
Just what?
Just that I've always loved you.
Since forever.
Where's your ring?
lost it.
- You lost it?|- No, I mean, I didn't lose it. I--
It fell off.
I think I've lost weight.
It's at the jeweler's being resized.
- See ya!|- Thanks for waiting, dickhead!
At what point is it exactly that|uou learn to do this yourself?
Come on, mate. See ya.
Have a nice day, dear.
Bye, Rupert.
{y:i}I'm in heaven
{y:i}And my heart beats so
{y:i}That I can hardly speak
{y:i}And I seem to find
{y:i}The happiness I seek
{y:i}When we're out together
{y:i}Dancing cheek to cheek
{y:i}I'm in heaven
Oh, my God, it's antique.
''You've had the whirlwind romance|and the fairy tale wedding...
but what's a girl to do|when the honeymoon is over?
Here are ten surefire ways|to keep the magic alive.''
Oh, my God.
Hi, Deidre.
Right now? I'm at home.
Do you want to talk about it?
I don't think so.
Look, Pam, it's not like you to miss|an issue, so if you're having problems--
No, I'm-- I'm just not sure.
If you could give me an idea.
What's so hard?|The modern woman. Let me see.
Now that guys change the sheets|and leave the toilet seat down...
what do we really want?
Romance. Femininity.
You can do it on your head.
We need this one fast, Pam,|or we'll miss the issue. Friday, okay?
Jules, get meJoe Nathan.
Oh, and, Pam-- Make sure you tie it in|with next season's looks.
Jules will give you the pics.|Joe! Hi.
- Harry.|- G'day, mate.
Christ, some of the rubbish|this place puts out.
Listen. ''You've had the whirlwind|romance and the fairy tale wedding...
but what's a girl to do|when the honeymoon is over?
Here are ten surefire ways|to keep the magic alive.''
Jesus, who writes this crap?
I do.
Good one, mate.
Look, would you believe me|if I said I didn't mean--
Oh, no, you're right.|It is crap.
You're a journalist?
- Who do you write for?|{y:i}- Speed Weekly.
Features mostly.
{y:i}Speed-- The sports rag?
Well, that's hardly|investigative journalism.
I always do that.
Look, I was just going|for a caffeine hit.
I was wondering|if you'd like to--
I mean, if you've|got the time.
I don't think so.
I'm Ben, anyway.
Ben Monroe.|I prefer it to ''that arrogant bastard.''
Pamela Dru-- ickson.
Why sport? Didn't you want|to tackle the heavy stuff?
I mean, if you're|gonna be a journalist...
surely there are more important things|to write about...
than this week's groin injury.
What, like cosmetic surgery|or how to please your man?
Actually, I enjoy it most of the time.
Plus I get a lot of free travel, so--
Does your wife mind?|The traveling?
Well, I'd suppose she'd mind|if I had one.
Came close once. A long time ago.
Another life. Sophie.|We were students together.
I was gonna be a schoolteacher,|believe it or not.
Anyway, we were crazy for each other|and nearly did the whole bit.
- Marriage, kids, matching pajamas.|- What happened?
She was hit by a car just before|graduation. Killed instantly.
Oh, my God! I'm sorry.
Yeah. Well, I went off the deep end...
chucked teachers' college|and traveled the world.
Just went in another direction.
Do you ever wonder what your life|would be like if--
She was still alive?
Only every day.
There have been others,|but I guess you could say...
that Sophie was the love of my life.
Oh,Jesus. You're good at this.
Good at what?
Well, what are you gonna call it?|'' Men Who Talk Too Much''?
My God, what's this?
Nothing much.Just chicken Clementine|braised in a honey sauce...
stuffed with tomatoes and capers...
on a bed of mint rice|garnished with rosemary.
I don't know what it'll be like.
Did you cook this?
Smells funny.
It's edible.
Oh, God, should we get that?
Actually, I'm just|in the middle of work...
and I'm really pushing|to make a deadline, so--
No, that's fine.
Yeah, okay, that'll be great.|Speak to you then. Bye.
Who was that?
Why didn't you just tell her|we were bonking?
I need a giraffe.
Ah, last night.|No, that's all right.
I was just busy.
Actually, now's not such a great time.
I'm in the middle of a meeting.
I'm not sure.|Look, could I get back to you?
No, I don't.
Speak to you then. Bye.
I gave up years ago.
- What'd you do with my spanner set?|- What spanner set?
The one you gave me, dummy.
I didn't do anything|with your spanner set.
Well, where is it?|I need it.
I don't know.|Have you looked in your room?
It was on the foor under some stuff.|Must've moved it.
I haven't touched your spanner set.
- Bet you did, dumbhead.|- Oh, and, Douglas?
My name's Pamela. Apparently,|you have the right to call me Mum.
But if you ever address me as ''dummy,''|''dumbhead'' or ''stupid'' again...
I guarantee you won't have any trouble|finding your spanner set.
Got it?
Stacy, do you think you could|turn that down a bit?
- What are you doing?|- Stream of consciousness.
- You like writing?|- It's okay.
Stacy, can I ask you something?
I don't smoke, I don't drink,|and I can't afford drugs.
- What do you want out of life?|- What?
What do you want to be|when you get older?
Not this again! I don't know.
I suppose whatever I want|when I get there.
Do we have to panic yet?
Do you feel like you could do anything?
What about getting married?|Having children?
Not if they're anything like Douglas.
{y:i}- Get back!|{y:i}- What's the big idea?
Bad day?
We lost the town houses.
We lost the town houses.|Nathan and Trennery won the tender.
Just let me save this.
Oh, shit! Shit, shit, shit!
- How am I to work with this crap?|- Whoa, lighten up. Can't be that bad.
You've got backup, haven't you?
That's a whole day's work|down the drain.
I've got to get a new computer.
We'll see.
I wasn't asking your permission, Rob.
Frankly, I don't see why|we need a whole new computer...
just because you forgot to back up.
Anyway, that thing's good enough|for your purposes, isn't it?
What's that supposed to mean?
Nothing. I just don't understand why|You're getting so hysterical over it.
Well, it is my work, isn't it?
Yes, I know it is.
Don't patronize me.
I wasn't patronizing you.
You don't take|my work seriously, do you?
Oh, God, here we go.
You never thought I was|as smart as you.
- Come on. Don't be silly.|- Stupid, don't you mean?
Christ, give it a rest, will you?|I haven't got the energy.
- My God! You haven't changed.|- Should I have?
Just out of interest, when was|the last time you changed the sheets?
{y:i}And she's going to show me|{y:i}through the museum.
{y:i}This'll be interesting.
No drama. Mom just needs|some time to herself.
- See ya.|- Can't you wait for your sister once?
- Have you seen Stacy?|- No. Come on, mate.
Are you getting up?|You're gonna be late.
You should be pleased.|It means that you're becoming a woman.
Really, most girls|would be thrilled about it.
I think the whole thing sucks!
I can't work out what's what!
this is like they've|cut you down the middle, and this is--
This is where it's suppose to go.
It doesn't really help.|You just have to feel your way.
Would you like me to--
Are you okay in there?
I can't do it. It hurts.
There's no hurry, honey.
Why don't you just stick|to the pants this time?
{y:i}- Urine output hasn't improved.|{y:i}- And her temperature's staying up.
I'm just going down to the shops.|I won't be long, okay?
Are you sure you'll be all right?
{y:i}The antibiotics should've had|{y:i}some effect by now.
- Hi.|- Thought I'd been stood up.
I can't stay long.
Well, do you think you can manage|a cup of coffee?
I've got a quick-boil kettle.
Actually, I don't think|I should be here at all.
You don't?
I don't.
Great. Don't move.
I hope you drink Spanish wine.|It's all I've got.
- Will I change the top sheet as well?|- What?
Yes, please.
And they both fit in|the washing machine together?
Do we have matching pillow slips?
If I'm putting on the fowery sheets,|will the blue pillow slips do?
Is it finished?
Is what finished?
The article.
So the pressure's off?
Because it's just that I've sort of|asked Geoff and Janine...
over for dinner tomorrow night.
How ''sort of'?
Completely sort of.
But nothing special, I said.
That'll be all right, won't it?
- Cheers.|- Good morning, Pamela. How are you?
Could you get this up|to Diedre Reynolds, A.S.A.P.?
Sure. No problem.|Can you pop her name on it?
Flying visit, eh?
Yes, it is, actually.
You're good at that.
Can we talk?
Ben, I'm sorry about the other day.
- Was it something I did or said?|- God, no.
Then what?
Tell me you're not interested|and I'll leave you alone.
Oh, God.
I don't know how to explain this.|I can't see you.
- It's complicated.|- Is there someone else?
Come on! Mum!
- Mum?|- It's not what you think.
What I think is that|You're somebody's mother.
By the way you're behaving, married|to somebody's father. Am I warm?
- I guess so.|- You guess so?
- All right, yes.|- Is that all?
Three kids, a mortgage, a dog,|two goldfish and a husband.
But it's not really me.|I don't know how long it's gonna last.
Is this how you tell your readers|to keep the magic alive?
- I can explain.|- Can you?
Would you believe|I'm having a midlife crisis?
What's this?
What is it?
Smells interesting.
And try not to pick a fight|with Geoff, okay?
At least not in the first five minutes.
- Is it Janine?|- Is what Janine?
Or Harriet, maybe.
That makes sense. She's not nubile,|but she's nice and young.
- What are you talking about?|- It is, isn't it?
You're actually|fucking the baby-sitter.
Of course I'm not!|Don't be ridiculous!
Well, who is it then?
- Can we talk about this later?|- I'd rather know now.
Pam, believe me.|I'm telling you, there's no one.
Oh, please. Give me a break.
Is that what the little business trip|to Melbourne was all about?
There's no other woman! I swear!
Great, Pammy.
I mean, it's very, very tasty.|Very good.
Rob said you've been branching out|on the old cuisine lately.
- What do you call this little creation?|- Risotto.
It's very-- It's very interesting.
- It's like Italian porridge, isn't it?|- Honey, don't.
So, Geoff...
I see you still chew|with your mouth open.
- Need some help there, Pammy?|- No, thank you.
Who are you trying to convince|in there, them or you?
Look, I'm sorry, all right?
I'm an old, disobedient dog.
I just can't stand being apart.|I have to see you again.
I'm going crazy.|I mean, this is torture.
- What do you think you're doing?|- I can't stand it when we're apart.
I think you better go back inside.
Oh, my God.|I don't believe it.
Geoff wielding a tea towel.|Wonders will never cease.
How can I convince you?|What do I have to say?
Nothing. Doesn't matter.
What do you mean, it doesn't matter?|I'm not cheating on you.
- What makes you think that I am?|- Nothing.
I know you're not.|Just forget it. Can we, please?
- Please forget it.|- Christ, Pam.
Things were just starting|to work for us again.
Look, I know I haven't been|the world's best husband...
but I swear, I haven't--
with anybody.
- For ages.|- You what?
I swear. Not recently.
You know that.
Got another one of those?
It's stale.
Do you remember how much|we used to smoke when we first met?
I think we even used to roll our own.
There was always bits|of tobacco in the bed.
Did we ever change|the sheets in those days?
Robert, are we staying together|because of the children?
- Is that what you think?|- Is there anything else left?
I know we've run off the tracks,|but I'm trying.
And lately I've been feeling that...
there's hope.
Something's changed, Pam.|You seem...
Look, I don't know|what you want, but...
I want it back.
Our marriage.
I want it back.
I love you.
I've always loved you.
Good boy, Brandy. Down.
It's done.
What's done?
I left Janine last night.|She took it pretty badly.
She doesn't know about...
- Get off, Geoffrey. Go home.|- Come on, Pammy.
You got to come away with me.
Come away?|Do you honestly think...
that I would leave|this family for you?
That I would ever choose you?
Well, yeah.
Hello? Hi, Deidre.
Rewrite it?
Yes, I know the brief, but listen,|the topic's just not that simple.
You mean you want more|of the same moronic shit...
that your crappy magazine|usually turns out.
Perhaps you should do the rewrite|uourself. When it comes to moronic...
You're a natural.
Come on, Pammy.
Sorry, Geoffrey,|but I never liked you.
When's Mummy gonna be home?
It's not top of the range,|but it should be an improvement.
{y:i}- Where are we going?|{y:i}-Somewhere special.
{y:i}- It's a surprise.|{y:i}- Dad, why is it such a secret?
{y:i}- Come on, Dad!|{y:i}-All right, all right.
{y:i}We're going back to your mother's|{y:i}and my old stamping ground.
- La Fontana.|- Why can't we just go to Pizza Hut?
What's so good about this place?
For your information, you wouldn't|be here if it wasn't for this place.
This is where I|proposed to your mother.
Really? What did she say?
- This is great, isn't it?|- Bet they don't do pan pizzas.
Brings back memories. Do you remember|the last time we came here?
- Gosh, seems like another life.|- Sure does.
I was thinking.|What do you say we take...
a decent break over Christmas and rent|the cottage down by the beach?
- Yes!|- Eh? We haven't done that in years.
Really? Can we?|Can I bring someone?
Ooh, what's his name?
Could be just what we need.|Time together away from everything.
We could call it a second honeymoon.
A what?
Oh, my God. How embarrassing.
- Go on, open it.|- Open it!
Open it, dumbhe--
I know you're gonna think|this is a little corny, but--
Well, I was wondering if you'd--
- I mean, if we--|- Dad.
You're supposed to get on your knees.
Oh, hell.
How about taking out an option|on another 13 years?
Yuck! Do we have to go|to church and get dressed up?
What do you say?
Photo, folks? Looks like|you've got something to celebrate.
Great idea!
Good. It works best if we keep|the couple together...
and arrange the little ones|around them.
Go behind Dad. That's it.|Off you go.
- How about Nipper on Dad's knee?|- Right. Come on, Rupert.
No, I need to go to the toilet.
Back in a minute.
- Where the hell have you been?|- What did you say?
Nothing, Rupert.
What happened?
- I guess I had to find out.|- Find out what?
What would have happened|if I had said no to Robert.
Do you think I never wondered?
What if I hadn't had children?|What it would feel like...
to have my own time,|my own money, my own bed.
What it would be like to sit down|and read a whole book...
or a whole chapter or even a whole page|without being interrupted.
To remember who I am...
not '' Darling'' or '' Mummy''...
or '' Dummy'' or '' Mum.''
Just me. Pamela.
But what happened|between me and Robert?
I know we've got to make some changes.
I still love him,|if that's what you mean.
Daddy! Daddy! Mummy's back!
She's back!
May I?
Where's Rupert?
Rupert, come on.
Next to Mum.
Good boy!
A big smile.
{y:i}I sit here by myself|{y:i}and you know I love it
{y:i}You know I don't want someone
{y:i}To come pay a visit
{y:i}I wanna be by myself
{y:i}I came in this world alone
{y:i}Me myself I
{y:i}I want to go to China
{y:i}And to see Japan
{y:i}I'd like to sail the oceans
{y:i}Before the seas run dry
{y:i}I wanna go by myself
{y:i}I've just room enough for one
{y:i}Me myself I
- Coming in for some cannelloni tonight?|- Not tonight. I'm cooking.
Yeah, I know.|I shouldn't be here.
Maybe I'm doing the wrong thing.
I admit it was a mistake|bringing the kids on our first date.
- Kids?|- And Molly throwing up on you--
- I see how it might have put you off.|- Thanks.
Look, Ben, I don't expect you|to understand this...
but whatever I've said...
or done lately...
I wasn't myself.
Just tell me you're not interested|and I'll leave you alone.
- What about Sophie?|- Sophie?
- The love of your life.|- What?
- Your wife.|- My ex-wife, you mean.
Look, I know it's not simple.
And I know you weren't looking|for an instant family.
And the fact is,|I do have the kids half the time...
but Molly hardly ever vomits,|I swear.
Look, I'm sorry.|I haven't done this for a while.
I just wanted to ask if you'd|give it another go.
You know, do something sometime--|go dancing or shoot some pool.
- Or I could cook dinner.|- Dinner?
Obligation free.
I guess not.
Can they wipe their own bottoms?
One of them can. The other one|can be a bit hit and miss.
- Not that it bothers me.|- Don't worry. That's my job.
So, is that a maybe?
Yes, that's a maybe.
That's my orange.
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