Meaning Of Life The (Monty Pythons) CD1Click here to download subtitles file for the movie "Meaning Of Life The (Monty Pythons) CD1"Get Paid for using YouTube!
[Dramatic instrumental theme music] [Ominous instrumental music] NARRATOR: In the bleak days of 1983... as England languished in the doldrums of a ruinous monetarist policy... the good, loyal men of the Permanent Assurance Company... a once-proud family firm recently fallen on hard times... strained under the yoke of their oppressive new corporate management. EXECUTIVE 1: Terrible. Really terrible. [Ominous instrumental music] [Ominous music becomes more intense] SLAVE DRIVER: Row! [Whip cracks] [Old men groan miserably] [Drum roll] That's it, Evans. You're fired. You heard me. Out. OLD MAN: Did you hear that? He's been sacked. Sacked? Sacked? Come on, boys. Let's get at 'em. [Men shouting] [Adventurous instrumental music] EXECUTIVES: Come on! [Suspenseful instrumental music] [Ominous instrumental music] [Ominous music intensifies] [Executive screaming] [Triumphant instrumental music] EXECUTIVE 2: Let me out of here! EXECUTIVE 3: I demand to see my lawyer! Tooley! Come on. [Men shouting] [Executive screaming] [Men cheering] Quiet! Silence! Now, lads, let's move. You, you and you, break open the weapons. You, you and you, into the rigging. - And you, put the kettle on. - Aye, sir. [Adventurous instrumental music] [Adventurous music continues] CLERK: There, there, Charles. [Men shouting excitedly] [Sweeping instrumental music] [Workman screams] OLD MAN: Sorry! Come on, Tooley. This way! [Uplifting instrumental music] [Uplifting music intensifies] Weigh the anchor! Weigh the anchor! Weigh the anchor. [Suspenseful instrumental music] [Chain grinding] [Triumphant instrumental music] [Men cheering] [Climactic instrumental music] NARRATOR: And so, the Crimson Permanent Assurance... was launched upon the high seas of international finance. [Fast-paced suspenseful instrumental music] Come on, boy. Watch it. Route. Route! WOMAN: Cup of tea, dear? LOOKOUT: Hey, Captain! Look! To starboard! [Dramatic choral music] NARRATOR: There it lay: The prize they sought. Hard to starboard! NARRATOR: A financial district swollen with multinationals, conglomerates... and fat, bloated merchant banks. All right, lads, battle stations! Come on! Move it! [Adventurous instrumental music] CAPTAIN: All right, then. That's enough. Take cover! [Suspenseful instrumental music] STONE CLEANER: Down, down! [Ominous instrumental music] [Suspenseful instrumental music] [Climactic instrumental music] [Men gasp in amazement] Hard to starboard! Fire! [Ominous instrumental music] EXECUTIVE: Eric! My balance sheets! Ross! Get the readouts! - Stop him! - Eric! Thanks! Charge! [Fast-paced adventurous music] KANE: No, no! Let me! Let me! OLD MAN: Okay, Kane. Captured! Gotcha! Take this. DYING EXECUTIVE: Here. File this. Shit! [Falling man screams] [Men cheer triumphantly] [Triumphant instrumental music] NARRATOR: And so, heartened by their initial success... the desperate and reasonably violent men of the Permanent Assurance... battled on, until... as the sun set slowly in the west... the outstanding returns on their bold business venture became apparent. Once-proud financial giants lay in ruins... their assets stripped... their policies in tatters. CAPTAIN: Full speed ahead, Mr. Cohen! ALL: [Singing] Up, up, up your premium Scribble away and balance the books Scribble away, but balance the books It's fun to charter an accountant And sail the wide accountancy To find, explore the funds offshore And skirt the shoals of bankruptcy It can be manly in insurance We'll up your premium semi-annually It's all tax-deductible We're fairly incorruptible Sailing on the wide accountancy NARRATOR: And so, they sailed off into the ledgers of history... one by one, the financial capitals of the world... crumbling under the might of their business acumen. Or so it would have been... if certain modern theories concerning the shape of the world... had not proved to be disastrously wrong. [Upbeat instrumental music] [Dramatic instrumental theme music] [Water bubbling] FISH 1: 'Morning. FISH 2: 'Morning. FISH 3: 'Morning. FISH 1: 'Morning. FISH 4: What's new? FISH 1: Not much. FISH 5: 'Morning! FISH 6: Good morning! 'Morning! FISH 1: Frank was just asking what's new. FISH 5: Was he? FISH 1: Yes. FISH 3: Hey, look. Howard's being eaten. FISH 2: Is he? FISH 2: Makes you think, doesn't it? FISH 4: I mean, what's it all about? FISH 5: Beats me. MALE SINGER: [Singing] Why are we here, what's life all about? Is God really real or is there some doubt? Well, tonight we're going to sort it all out Tonight it's the meaning of life What's the point of all this hoax? Is it the chicken and the egg time? Are we just yolks? Or perhaps we're just one of God's little jokes Well, ça, c'est le meaning of life Is life just a game where we make up the rules While we're searching for something to say Or are we just simply spiraling coils Of self-replicating DNA? In this life what is our fate? Is there Heaven and Hell? Do we reincarnate? Is mankind evolving or is it too late? Well, tonight here's the meaning of life For millions this life is a sad vale of tears Sitting round with rien, nothing to say While scientists say we're just simply spiraling coils Of self-replicating DNA So just why, why are we here? And just what, what do we fear? Well, ce soir, for a change it will all be made clear For this is the meaning of life C'est le sens de la vie This is the meaning of life [Doors bang loudly] One thousand and eight! Mrs. Moore's contractions are more frequent. Good. Take her into the fetus-frightening room. [Uplifting instrumental music] Jolly good. It's a bit bare in here today, isn't it? Yes. Yes. More apparatus, please, nurse. The EEG, the BP monitor and the AVV. NURSE: Certainly. And get the machine that goes, "Ping!" And get the most expensive machines in case the administrator comes. DOCTOR 1: That's it. Bring it right here. Behind me. Lovely, lovely. Jolly good. That's better. That's much, much better. Yes, more like it. Still something missing, though. - Patient. - Yes. Where's the patient? Patient! NURSE: Here she is. DOCTOR 1: Bring it over here. DOCTOR 2: Mind the machine! NURSE: Sorry, Doctor. Come along! NURSE: Jump on it. - Hello. Now don't you worry. - We'll soon have you cured. Leave it all to us. You'll never know what hit you. Good-bye. - Drips up. - Injections. - Can I put the tube in the baby's head? - If I can do the episiotomy. Legs up. DOCTOR 1: Come in. Come on in, all of you. DOCTOR 1: That's it. Jolly good. DOCTOR 2: Come on. Spread round there. - Who are you? - I'm the husband. I'm sorry, only people involved are allowed in here. - What do I do? - Yes? - What do I do? - Nothing, dear. You're not qualified. Leave it to us. MOTHER: What's that for? That's the machine that goes, "Ping!" [Machine makes "ping" sound] You see? That means your baby is still alive. And that's the most expensive machine in the whole hospital. Yes, it cost over £750,000. Aren't you lucky! The administrator is here, Doctor. Switch everything on. 'Morning, gentlemen. DOCTORS: 'Morning. PYCROFT: 'Morning. 'Morning, Mr. Pycroft. PYCROFT: Very impressive. - And what are you doing this morning? - It's a birth. And what sort of thing is that? That's when we take a new baby out of a lady's tummy. Wonderful what we can do nowadays. [Machine makes "ping" sound] I see you have the machine that goes, "Ping!" This is my favourite. We lease this back from the company we sold it to. That way, it comes under the monthly current budget and not the capital account. Thank you, thank you. We try to do our best. Well, do carry on. - The vulva's dilating, Doctor. - Yes, there's the head. Yes, four centimetres, five, six centimetres. - Lights! - Amplify the ping machine. - Masks up! - Suction! DOCTOR 2: Eyes down for a full house! DOCTOR 1: Here it comes. And frighten it. Thank you. And the rough towels! Show it to the mother. DOCTOR 1: That's enough. DOCTOR 2: Sedate her. - Number the child. - Measure it, blood-type it and isolate it. NURSE: Okay, show's over. Is it a boy or a girl? I think it's a little early to start imposing roles on it, don't you? A word of advice. You may find you suffer for some time a totally irrational feeling of depression... P.N.D., as we doctors call it. So, it's lots of happy pills for you... and you can find out about the birth when you get home. It's available on Betamax, VHS and Super 8. [Machine makes "ping" noise] [Melancholy instrumental music] DAD: Bloody hell. [Newborn baby cries] MUM: Get it, would you, Deirdre? DEIRDRE: All right, Mum. MUM: Now whose teatime is it? ALL: Mine! Come on. Out you go. Now, Vincent, Tessa, Valerie, Janine, Martha, Andrew, Thomas... Walter, Pat, Linda, Michael, Evadne, Alice, Dominique and Sasha... it's your bedtime. Now don't argue! Laura, Alfred, Nigel, Annie, Simon and... Wait. I've got something to tell the whole family. Quick. Go and get the others in, Gordon. The mill's closed. There's no more work. We're destitute. [Children sigh despondently] Come in, my little loves. I've got no option but to sell you all for scientific experiments. No, no, that's the way it is, my loves. Blame the Catholic Church for not letting me wear a little rubber thing. They've done some wonderful things in their time. They've preserved the might and majesty, even mystery of the Church of Rome... and the sanctity of the Sacrament, the indivisible oneness of the Trinity... but if they'd let me wear a little rubber thing on the end of my cock... we wouldn't be in the mess we are now. Couldn't Mummy have worn some sort of pessary? Not if we're going to remain members of the fastest-growing religion in the world. He's right. You see, we believe... Let me put it like this: [Singing] There are Jews in the world There are Buddhists There are Hindus and Mormons and then There are those that follow Mohammed But I've never been one of them I'm a Roman Catholic And have been since before I was born And the one thing they say about Catholics Is they'll take you as soon as you're warm You don't have to be a six-footer You don't have to have a great brain You don't have to have any clothes on You're a Catholic the moment Dad came Because Every sperm is sacred Every sperm is great If a sperm is wasted God gets quite irate CHILDREN: [Singing] Every sperm is sacred Every sperm is great If a sperm is wasted God gets quite irate GIRL: [Singing a solo] Let the heathens spill theirs On the dusty ground God shall make them pay For each sperm that can't be found CHILDREN: [Singing] Every sperm is wanted Every sperm is good Every sperm is needed In your neighbourhood MOM: [Singing] Hindu, Taoist, Mormon Spill theirs just anywhere But God loves those who treat Their semen with more care Every sperm is sacred Every sperm is great If a sperm is wasted God gets quite irate Every sperm is sacred Every sperm is good Every sperm is needed In your neighbourhood Every sperm is useful Every sperm is fine God needs everybody's - Mine - And mine And mine [Jaunty tap-dance instrumental music] Let the pagans spill theirs O'er mountain, hill and plain God shall strike them down For each sperm that's spilt in vain Every sperm is sacred Every sperm is good Every sperm is needed In your neighbourhood Every sperm is sacred Every sperm is great If a sperm is wasted God gets quite irate So you see my problem, little ones. I can't keep you all here any longer. CHILD: Speak up! I can't keep you all here any longer! God has blessed us so much I can't afford to feed you anymore. Couldn't you have your balls cut off? It's not as simple as that, Nigel. God knows all. He'd see through such a cheap trick. What we do to ourselves, we do to him. You could have had them pulled off in an accident. [Children talk excitedly] No. Children, I know you're trying to help, but believe me, my mind's made up. I've given this long and careful thought... and it has to be medical experiments for the lot of you. CHILDREN: [Singing quietly] Every sperm is sacred Every sperm is great BLACKITT: Look at them. Bloody Catholics. Filling the bloody world up with people they can't afford to bloody feed. What are we, dear? Protestant, and fiercely proud of it. Why do they have so many children? Every time they have sexual intercourse they have to have a baby. - But it's the same with us, Harry. - What do you mean? I mean we've got two children, and we've had sexual intercourse twice. That's not the point. We could have it any time we wanted. - Really? - And what's more, since we don't believe... in all that papist claptrap, we can take precautions. What you mean, lock the door? No. I mean because we're members of the Protestant Reformed Church... which successfully challenged the autocratic power of the Papacy... in the mid-16th century, we can wear little rubber devices to prevent issue. What do you mean? I could, if I wanted, have sexual intercourse with you. Oh, yes, Harry. And, by wearing a rubber sheath over my old fellow... I could ensure that when I came off, you would not be impregnated. That's what being a Protestant's all about. That's why it's the church for me. That's why it's the church for anyone who respects the individual... and the individual's right to decide for him or herself. When Martin Luther nailed his protest up to the church door in 1517... he may not have realised the full significance of what he was doing... but 400 years later, thanks to him... I can wear whatever I want on my John Thomas. And Protestantism doesn't stop at the simple condom. - Oh, no! I can wear French Ticklers if I want. - You what? French Ticklers, black mambos, crocodile ribs. Sheaths that are designed not only to protect... but also to enhance the stimulation of sexual congress. Have you got one? Have I got one? No, but I can go down the road anytime I want... and walk into Harry's, and hold my head up high and say, in a loud, steady voice: "Harry, I want you to sell me a condom. "In fact, today I think I'll have a French Tickler, for I am a Protestant." - Why don't you? - But they cannot. Because their church never made the leap out of the Middle Ages... and the domination of alien Episcopal supremacy. NARRATOR: But despite the attempts of Protestants... to promote the idea of sex for pleasure... children continue to multiply everywhere. WILLIAMS: "And spotteth twice they the camels before the third hour. "And so the Midianites went forth to Ram Gilead... "in Kadesh Bilgemeth... "by Shor Ethra Regalion... "to the house of Gash-Bil-Bethuel-Bazda. "He who brought the butter dish to Balshazar... "and the tent peg to the house of Rashomon. "And there, slew they the goats... "yea, and placed they the bits in little pots." Here endeth the lesson. Let us praise God. Oh, Lord. CONGREGATION: Oh, Lord. You are so big. CONGREGATION: You are so big. So absolutely huge. CONGREGATION: So absolutely huge. Gosh, we're all really impressed down here, I can tell you. Gosh, we're all really impressed down here, I can tell you. Forgive us, Lord, for this, our dreadful toadying. CONGREGATION: And barefaced flattery. But you're so strong, and, well, just so super. CONGREGATION: Fantastic. CHAPLAIN: Amen, Reverend. CONGREGATION: Amen. Now two boys have been found... rubbing linseed oil into the school cormorant. Some of you may feel that the cormorant does not play... an important part in the life of the school, but I would remind you... that it was presented to us by the corporation of the town of Sudbury... to commemorate Empire Day, when we try to remember... the names of all those from the Sudbury area... who so gallantly gave their lives... to keep China British. So from now on, the cormorant is strictly out of bounds! And Jenkins, apparently your mother died this morning. Chaplain. [Religious organ music] ALL: [Singing] O Lord, please don't burn us Don't grill or toast your flock Don't put us on the barbecue Or simmer us in stock Don't braise or bake or boil us Or stir-fry us in a wok Oh, please don't lightly poach us Or baste us with hot fat Don't fricassee or roast us Or boil us in a vat And please don't stick thy servants, Lord In a Rotissomat He's coming! All right, settle down, settle down. Before I begin the lesson, will those of you... playing in the match this afternoon move your clothes down... onto the lower peg immediately after lunch... before you write home, if you're not getting a haircut... unless you have a brother going out this weekend as the guest of another boy... then collect his note before lunch, put it in your letter after your haircut. Make sure he moves your clothes onto the lower peg for you. - Sir? - Yes, Wymer? My brother's going out with Dibble this weekend... but I'm not having my hair cut, so do I move... I do wish you'd listen, Wymer. It's perfectly simple. If you're not getting your hair cut, you don't have to move your brother's clothes. You simply collect his note before lunch, after you've done your scripture prep... when you've written your letter home before rest... move your clothes onto the lower peg, greet the visitors... and report to Mr. Viney that you've had your chit signed. Now, sex. Sex, sex, sex. Where were we? Well, had I got as far as the penis entering the vagina? - No, sir. - No, sir. Well, had I done foreplay? Yes, sir. As we all know all about foreplay, no doubt you can tell me... what the purpose of foreplay is... Biggs. Don't know. Sorry, sir. Carter? Was it taking your clothes off, sir? And after that? Putting them on a lower peg, sir. WILLIAMS: The purpose of foreplay is to cause the vagina to lubricate... so that the penis can penetrate more easily. Could we open a window, sir? Yes. Harris, will you? And, of course, to cause the man's penis to erect and harden. Now, did I do vaginal juices last week? Pay attention, Wadsworth! I know it's Friday. Watching the football? Boy, move over there. I'm warning you. I may decide to set an exam this term. - Oh, sir! - Sir! So just listen. Now did I or did I not do vaginal juices? Yes, sir. Name two ways of getting them flowing, Watson. Rubbing the clitoris, sir? What's wrong with a kiss, boy? Why not start her off with a nice kiss? You don't have to leap straight for the clitoris like a bull at a gate. Give her a kiss, boy. - Suck the nipple, sir? - Good, good. Well done, Wymer. DUCKWORTH: Stroking the thighs, sir? WILLIAMS: Yes. I suppose so. STUDENT: Biting the neck. WILLIAMS: Yes, good. Nibbling the ear lobe, kneading the buttocks, and so on and so forth. So we have all these possibilities before we... stampede towards the clitoris, Watson. Yes, sir. Sorry, sir. Now, all these forms of stimulation can now take place. Of course, tonguing will give you the best idea... of how the juices are coming along. Helen? Now, penetration and coitus, that is to say, intercourse... up to and including orgasm. Hello, dear. Do stand up when my wife enters the room, Carter. Sorry, sir. Humphrey, I hope you don't mind. I told the Garfields we'd dine with them tonight. - Yes, well, I suppose we must. - I said we'd be there by 8:00. It'll give me a reason to wind up the staff meeting. I know you don't like them, but I couldn't make another excuse. It's just that I felt... Wymer! This is for your benefit. Would you kindly wake up? I've no intention of going through this all again. We'll take the foreplay as read, if you don't mind, dear. No, of course not. So, the man starts by entering or mounting his good lady wife... in the standard way. The penis is now, as you will observe, more or less fully erect. There we are. That's better. Now, Carter. CARTER: Yes, sir? WILLIAMS: What is it? - It's an ocarina, sir. - Bring it up here. The man now starts making thrusting movements with his pelvic area... moving the penis up and down inside the vagina. Put it there, boy. Put it there on the table. While the wife maximizes her clitoral stimulation... by the shaft of the penis by pushing forward. Thank you, dear. Now, as the sexual excitement mounts... What's funny, Biggs? Nothing, sir. Do, please, share your little joke with the rest of us. Obviously something frightfully funny is going on. No, honestly, sir. Well, as it's so funny, I think you'd better be selected to play... for the boys' team in the rugby match against the masters this afternoon. Oh, no, sir! [Ominous organ music] [Men cheering] [Ominous organ music continues] Well played, well played. [Students groaning] [Teachers cheer triumphantly] [Ominous organ music continues] Blackitt, Sturridge and Walters, you take the buggers on the left flank. Hordern, Spadger and I will go for the gun post. Hang on. You'll never make it. Let us come. BIGGS: Do as you're told. Right, Skipper. Oh, sir? If we don't meet again, sir... I'd just like to say it's been a real privilege fighting alongside you, sir. Yes, well, this is hardly the time or place for a good-bye speech. Me and the lads realise that, sir, but, well, we may never meet again, so... All right, Blackitt. Thanks a lot. No, just a moment, sir. Me and the lads, we've had a little whip around. We've bought you something. We bought you this. I don't know what to say. It's a lovely thought. Thank you. Thank you all. But I think we'd better get to cover... We've got something else for you as well, sir. Sorry it's another clock, only there was a bit of a mix-up. Walters thought he was buyin' a present... and Spadger and I had already got the other one. Well, it's beautiful. They're both beautiful. We'd better get to cover now. I'll thank you properly later on. Corporal Sturridge got this for you. He didn't know about the others. It's Swiss. Now, that is thoughtful, Sturridge. Good man. There's a card, sir, from all of us. Sorry about the blood, sir. Thank you all. Squad! Three cheers for Captain Biggs. I'll be all right. There's just one other thing, sir. Spadger, give him the cheque. This is really going too far. I don't seem to be able to find it, sir. It'll be in No. 4 trench. For Christ's sake, forget it, man. You shouldn't have said that, sir. You've hurt his feelings now. Don't mind me, Spadge. Toffs are all the same. One minute, it's all please and thank you. The next, they'll kick you in the teeth. - Let's not give him the cake. - I don't want any cake. Look. Blackitt cooked it especially for you, you bastard. He saved his rations for six weeks, sir. - I don't mean to be ungrateful. - I'll be all right... [Gun shot] Blackie! Blackie! Look at him! He worked on that cake like no one else I've ever known. Some nights it was so cold we could hardly move... but Blackitt'd be slicing the lemons, mixing the sugar and the almonds. I mean, you try getting butter to melt at 15 degrees below zero. There's love in that cake. This man's love and this man's care... [Gun shot] - Oh, my Christ! - You bastard. All right, we will eat the cake. They're right. It's too good a cake not to eat. - Get the plates and knives, Walters. - Yes, sir. How many? Six. [Walters screams] Better make it five. - Tablecloth, sir? - Yes, get the tablecloth. No, no, I'll get the tablecloth. You better get the gate-leg table, Hordern. - And the little lamp, sir? - Yes. BIGGS: While you're at it, you'd better get a doily. HORDEN: I'll bring two in case one gets crumpled. BIGGS: Okay! [Military ceremonial instrumental music] But, of course, warfare isn't all fun. Right. Stop that. It's all very well to laugh at the military, but when one considers... the meaning of life, it's a struggle between alternative viewpoints of life. Without the ability to defend one's own viewpoint... against other more aggressive ideologies... then reasonableness and moderation could quite simply disappear. That is why we'll always need an army. May God strike me down were it to be otherwise. Don't stand there gawping... like you've never seen the hand of God before! Now, today we're going to do marching up and down the square. That is, unless any of you've got anything better to do. Well? Anyone got anything they'd rather be doing... than marchin' up and down the square? Yes! Atkinson. What would you rather be doing, Atkinson? To be quite honest, Sarge, I'd rather be home with the wife and kids. Would you now? ATKINSON: Yes, Sarge. Right. Off you go. Now. Everybody else happy with my little plan... of marching up and down the square a bit? COLES: Sarge? SARGE: Yes? COLES: I've got a book I'd quite like to read. SARGE: Go read your book then. Now! Everybody else quite content to join in... with my little scheme of marchin' up and down the square? WYCLIF: Sarge? Yes, Wyclif, what is it? Well, I'm learning the piano. Learning the piano? WYCLIF: Yes, Sarge. And I suppose you want to go practise? Marchin' up and down the square not good enough for you? - Well... - Right! Off you go! Now, what about the rest of you? Rather be at the pictures, I suppose. [Men murmur in agreement] All right! Off you go! Bloody army. I don't know what it's coming to. Right. Sergeant Major marching up and down the square. NARRATOR: Democracy and humanitarianism are trademarks of the British Army. SARGE: Rubbish! NARRATOR: And have stamped its triumph in the furthest-flung corners of the Empire. [Tribesmen battle cry] NARRATOR: But no matter where or when there was fighting to be done... it has always been the calm leadership of the officer class... that has made the British Army what it is. [Triumphant military instrumental music] [Weapons clanging and men yelling] [Tribesmen battle cry] Excuse me. - 'Morning, Ainsworth. - 'Morning, Pakenham. Sleep well? Not bad. Bitten to shreds, though. Must be that hole in the bloody mosquito net. Yes, savage little blighters, aren't they? - Excuse me, sir. - Yes, Chadwick? I'm afraid Perkins got badly bitten during the night. So did we. Yes, but I do think Doctor ought to see him. - Well, go and fetch him then. - Right you are, sir. Suppose I'd better go along. Coming, Pakenham? Yes, I suppose so. Come on, boy. AINSWORTH: 'Morning, Perkins. PERKINS: 'Morning, sir. What's all the trouble, then? Bitten, sir. During the night. - Whole leg gone? - Yes. - How's it feel? - Stings a bit. Well, it would, wouldn't it? That's quite a bite you've got there. - Yes. A real beauty, isn't it? - Any idea how it happened? None whatsoever. Complete mystery to me. Woke up just now, one sock too many. - Must have a hell of a hole in your net. - We've sent for the doctor. - Hardly worth it, is it? - Yes. Better safe than sorry. Yes. Good Lord, look at this. By Jove! That's enormous. You don't think it'll come back, do you? - For more, you mean? - Yes. - We'd better get it stitched. - Right. Hello, Doc! 'Morning. I came as fast as I could. Is something up? Yes. During the night, old Perkins got his leg bitten, sort of, off. Yeah. Been in the wars, have we? Yes. Any headache? Bowels all right? Well, let's have a look at this one leg of yours, then. Yes. Yes. - Yes, well, this is nothing to worry about. - Good. There's a lot of it about. Probably a virus. Keep warm, plenty of rest... and if you're playing football or anything, try and favour the other leg. Right. As right as rain in a couple of days. - Thanks for the reassurance. - Not at all. That's what I'm here for. Any other problems I can reassure you about? No, I'm fine. Jolly good. Well, must be off. So it'll just grow back again, then, will it? I think I'd better come clean with you about this. It's not a virus, I'm afraid. You see, a virus is what we doctors call very, very small. So small it could not possibly have made off with a whole leg. What we're looking for, this is no more than an educated guess... I'd like to make that clear, is some multicellular life form... with stripes, huge, razor-sharp teeth, about 11-foot long... and of the genus Felis horribilis. What we doctors, in fact, call a tiger. A tiger? A tiger? [Men scream in fear] A tiger in Africa? A tiger in Africa? - It's probably escaped from a zoo. - Doesn't sound very likely to me. SERGEANT: Sir! Sir! The attack's over, sir. The Zulus are retreating. Jolly good. Quite a lot of casualties, sir. C-division wiped out. Signal's gone. - Thirty men killed in F-section. - I see. I should think about 150 men altogether, sir. Jolly good. I haven't got the final figures, but there's a lot of seriously wounded... Yes, the thing is, Sergeant, I've got a bit of a problem here. One of the officers has lost a leg. - Oh, no, sir! - I'm afraid so. Probably a tiger. In Africa? The M.O. Says we can stitch it back on if we can find it immediately. - Right, sir. I'll organise a party. - It's hardly the time for that, Sergeant. - A search party. - Much better idea. [Men groaning in agony] Sorry about the mess. We'll try to clear it up by the time you get back. SOLDIER: We showed 'em, right, sir? AINSWORTH: Yes. We got a search party. Leave that alone. All this killing, bloodshed, bloody good fun, sir, isn't it? Very good. - 'Morning, sir. - Nasty wound you've got there, fella. Thank you very much, sir. AINSWORTH: Come on, Private. Making up a search party. Better than staying home, isn't it? At home if you kill someone, they arrest you. Here, they give you a gun and show you what to do. I mean, I killed 15 of those buggers, sir. At home, they'd hang me. Here, they'll give me a fucking medal, sir. [Suspenseful instrumental music] [Jungle bird calls and monkey screams] [Ainsworth clears his throat loudly] SERGEANT: Sorry, sir. PAKENHAM: Thank you. [Suspenseful music continues] [Dramatic instrumental music] Look! My God! It's huge! [Tiger growling] |
MASH 1970 CD1 MASH 1970 CD2 MAX (2002) M - The Murderers Are Among Us (1931) Maboroshi no hikari 1995 MacArthur CD1 MacArthur CD2 Macbeth (1948) Machinist The Mackennas Gold Macross II - The Movie Mad City Mad Dog and Glory Mad Max 3 - Beyond Thunderdome Mad Max II-The Road Warrior Madadayo - Not Yet (Kurosawa 1993) Madame Sat (Karim Ainouz 2002) Made In Britain 1982 25fps Mademoiselle Madness of King George The Madonna-Girlie Show - Live Down Under (1993) Madonna - Truth or Dare Maelstrom Mafia Mafia Doctor Magdalene Sisters The Magician The 1958 Magnificent Warriors Magnolia (1999) Gowenna Maid in Manhattan Majestic The Makai Tensho 2003 Making of alien vs predator Mala Educacion La Mala Leche Mala educacion La 2004 CD1 Mala educacion La 2004 CD2 Malcolm X CD1 Malcolm X CD2 Malefique 2002 Malena Malibus Most Wanted Maljukgeori Janhoksa CD1 Maljukgeori Janhoksa CD2 Mallrats CD1 Mallrats CD2 Mamma Roma Pasolini Man Apart A Man Bites Dog Man Called Horse A CD1 Man Called Horse A CD2 Man Called Sledge A Man On Fire 2004 CD1 Man On Fire 2004 CD2 Man Who Knew Too Little The CD1 Man Who Knew Too Little The CD2 Man Who Knew Too Much The Man Who Loved Women The Man Who Shot liberty Valance The 1962 Man Who Went to Mars A (2003) CD1 Man Who Went to Mars A (2003) CD2 Man Who Would Be King The Man Without a Past Man of La Mancha (1972) CD1 Man of La Mancha (1972) CD2 Man of the Year The 2003 Man with the Golden Gun The Manchurian Candidate The 2004 Mando perdido Mangchi 2003 Mango Yellow Manhattan Manhattan Midnight Manhattan Murder Mystery Manhunter Manji Mann Mannen Som Ikke Kunne Le Mannen Som Log Mannequin Manon des Sources Manon of the Spring Manroof Mans Best Friend Map Of The Human Heart 1993 Mar Adentro Marci X Maria Full Of Grace (2004) Marias Lovers Marilyn Monroe - The final days 2001 Marius 1931 CD1 Marius 1931 CD2 Marnie (Hitchcock 1964) Married With Children 1x01 - Pilot Married With Children 1x02 - Thinergy Married With Children 1x03 - Sixteen Years and What You Get Married With Children 1x04 - But I Didnt Shoot the Deputy Married With Children 1x05 - Have You Driven a Ford Lately Married With Children 1x06 - Whose Room Is It Anyway Married With Children 1x07 - Al Loses His Cherry Married With Children 1x08 - Peggy Sue Got Work Married With Children 1x09 - Married Without Children Married With Children 1x10 - The Poker Game Married With Children 1x11 - Where Is the Boss Married With Children 1x12 - Nightmare On Als Street Married With Children 1x13 - Johnny B Gone Marrying Kind The (George Cukor 1952) Marrying The Mafia CD1 Marrying The Mafia CD2 Martian Chronicles The 1980 CD1 Martian Chronicles The 1980 CD2 Martin Lawrence Live Runteldat Marx Brothers - Horse Feathers (1932) Mary Poppins 1964 CD1 Mary Poppins 1964 CD2 Mask of Zorro Masque of the Red Death The Masques (Masks) Massacre 1989 Master And Commander - The Far Side Of The World (2003) CD1 Master And Commander - The Far Side Of The World (2003) CD2 Matango (Attack of the Mushroom People 1963) Matchstick Men Matrix Matrix Reloaded (2) Matrix Revisited The (2001) CD1 Matrix Revisited The (2001) CD2 Matrix Revolutions The CD1 Matrix Revolutions The CD2 Matrix The Maurice 1987 Mauvais Sang May (Lucky McKee 2002) McKenzie Break The 1970 McLintock CD1 McLintock CD2 Me Myself I Me Myself and Irene Mean Creek 2004 Mean Girls Meaning Of Life The (Monty Pythons) CD1 Meaning Of Life The (Monty Pythons) CD2 Medea Meet Joe Black Meet The Parents Mekhong Full Moon Party (2002) Melody Time Memrias Pstumas Men Behind the Sun Men In Black Men Make Women Crazy Theory Men Suddenly In Black Men in Black 2 Men in Tights Menace 2 society Mentale La Mentale La (The Code) Mephisto CD1 Mephisto CD2 Mercury Rising Mermaids Message in a Bottle Metroland 1997 Metropolis Metropolis (anime) Miami Tail A 2003 Michael Collins CD1 Michael Collins CD2 Michael Jackson Moonwalker 1988 Michael Jordan To The Max 2000 Michel Vaillant CD1 Michel Vaillant CD2 Michelangelo Antonioni - Blow up Mickey Blue Eyes 1999 Middle of the Moment Midnight (1998) Midnight Clear A Midnight Cowboy (1969) Midnight Express 1978 Midnight Mass 2002 Midnight Run CD1 Midnight Run CD2 Mighty Wind A Milagro De P Tinto El Milieu du monde Le (Alain Tanner 1974) Millers Crossing 1990 Million Dollar Baby CD1 Million Dollar Baby CD2 Million Le 1931 Mimic Mimic 2 Mindhunters Minimal Stories 2002 Minority Report 2002 Miracle On 34th Street Miracle Worker The Mirror The 1997 Misery Mishima A Life In Four Chapters DVDRip 1985 CD1 Mishima A Life In Four Chapters DVDRip 1985 CD2 Mission Cleopatra Mission Impossible (1996) Mission Impossible 2 Mission Mumbai Mission The CD1 Mission The CD2 Mission en Marbella Mississippi Burning CD1 Mississippi Burning CD2 Mississippi Mermaid 1969 Missouri Breaks The 1976 Mogambo CD1 Mogambo CD2 Mohabbatein CD1 Mohabbatein CD2 Mokey Business Mole The CD1 Mole The CD2 Molly Maguires The CD1 Molly Maguires The CD2 Mommie Dearest (1981) Mona Lisa Smile CD1 Mona Lisa Smile CD2 Monanieba CD1 Monanieba CD2 Monday Monella CD1 Monella CD2 Money Money Money (Claude Lelouch 1972) CD1 Money Money Money (Claude Lelouch 1972) CD2 Mongjunggi Monkeybone - Special Edition Mononoke Monsters Ball Monsters and Cie Monthy Python - Life Of Brian Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl 1982 Monty Python and the Holy Grail Monty Pythons Life of Brian Monty Pythons The Meaning of Life Monty Pythons and the Meaning of Life Moon Child 2003 CD1 Moon Child 2003 CD2 Moon Spinners CD1 Moon Spinners CD2 Moonfleet 1955 Moonlight Whispers 1999 Moscow Does Not Believe In Tears CD1 Moscow Does Not Believe In Tears CD2 Mosquito Coast The CD1 Mosquito Coast The CD2 Most Terrible Time In My Life The (1994) Mostly Martha Mother India 1957 CD1 Mother India 1957 CD2 Mother Kusters Goes To Heaven 1975 Mother Night 1996 Mother The 2003 CD1 Mother The 2003 CD2 Mothman Prophecies The Moulin Rouge CD1 Moulin Rouge CD2 Mouse Hunt Mrs Doubtfire Mrtav Ladan Muhammad - Legacy Of A Prophet CD1 2002 Muhammad - Legacy Of A Prophet CD2 2002 Mujer mas fea del mundo La Mummy Returns The - Collectors Edition (Widescreen) Mummy The - Full-Screen Collectors Edition Muppet Christmas Carol The Murder By Numbers Murder In The First 1995 Murder Most Foul (1964) Murder My Sweet 1944 Murder at the Gallop Muriels Wedding Musketeer The My Babys Daddy My Beautiful Laundrette My Big Fat Greek Wedding My Boss My Hero My Bosss Daughter 2003 My Girlfriends Boyfriend (Eric Rohmer 1987) My Life as a Dog 1985 My Life to Live My Neighbors the Yamadas (Isao Takahata 1999) CD1 My Neighbors the Yamadas (Isao Takahata 1999) CD2 My Son the Fanatic My Tutor Friend (2003) CD1 My Tutor Friend (2003) CD2 My Wife Is A Gangster 2 My Wife Is Gangster Mystery Of Rampo |