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[Phone Ringing] [Ringing] [ Man Sighing ] [ Man ] The phone's ringing. [ Woman ] What time is it? [Ringing] 5:30. It's a wrong number. Might be something important. [ Child Crying] Oh, it's woken Amy. Oh, I'll get up. [ Crying] [ Crying Continues] [Ringing] [ Crying ] There, there, there. [ Screaming ] [Ringing Continues ] Hello. [ Man ] It's about bloody time. Who is this? Who do you think it is? Toni? How are you, you old bastard? Bloody hell! Do you know what bloody time it is? What? Shit, no. No, I don't, mate. No. Sorry. It's not even 6:00. Shit, I should be in bed. I was. Where are you? Buggered if I know, mate. Are... Are you in England? Yeah, it's definitely England. Yeah, yeah. Without a doubt. Yeah. This is a surprise. What's it been... Iike five years? Yeah, yeah. Something like that. Listen, listen. So, what, what? We going to meet? Yeah. Yeah? What, tomorrow? Lunch? Lunch. Yeah. Yeah, sure. Right, right. Well, I'll come over at 1 :00. Okay. Yeah? All right. Ciao fornow. Can only be bad news at this time of the morning. That was Toni. He's not gone vegetarian, has he? No. Well, he didn't say. I doubt it. Knowing Toni, he could have aligned himself with some vegan terrorist faction-- The Popular Front for the Liberation of the Frozen Pea. Look, I'm sorry. I should have asked you first. For God's sakes, stop apologizing. It's only Sunday lunch. He's not moving in... is he? He really likes you, you know. Oh, gosh. I feel somehow validated. It's just... What? I never understood why he had to be so angry all the time. He was always angry. We both were. We were part of the Anger Generation. You angry? Come on. Petulant, perhaps. Anyway, he's a writer. He believes in telling the truth. He's not a very good writer. He's not successful. That doesn't mean he's not good. Doesn't make him Proust, either. You always defend him. Of course I do. He's my best friend. Stop now. Ne bouge pas. Comme ça. Don't look at me like that. [ Woman Screaming Rapturously] Oh... Ohh! Oh, Chris! Chris? Oh, Chris! Ohh! [ T apping ] I knowyou want to sleep with other women, Chris, and I understand. There's nothing to feel guilty about. In fact, I want you to have affairs. It'll be good for our marriage. And, of course, I'll still cookyour dinner and do your washing and ironing. Mmm. I'm quite tired, Chris. It's the weekend, love. Sunday tomorrow. I'm not really in the mood. We never make love anymore. We make love constantly. I can't even remember the last time. Yesterday morning. Yeah? We used to do it three times a day. Well, that was when we were new to each other. Anyway, it only happened once and you complained about being sore for a week afterwards. Sore, but very smug. [Amy Crying] Lloydy! Come here! [ Toni ] You're ruined! You're ruined! Now, Africa, Chris. You must get yourself to Africa. Black women... Ah! I was in Italy. I went to Spain. Spun me around, really. Ended up in New York. I kept meaning to send a postcard. You know how it is. Why did you come back? Oh, it's difficult to talk about. Not bad news, I hope. No, it's okay. It's... What's up, mate? This is really hard. Do you want me to leave you two alone for a minute? No. No, you stay. It concerns both ofyou. You can hide from the truth for only so long before it all gets too much. Time I faced up to the way things really are. You see, Chris... I had to come back because... I love you. I always have. You're the only person in the world for me. I'm sorry, Marion. I know this must come as a bit of a blow but Chris and I were meant to be together. Very funny. [ All Laughing ] Your faces! What's her name? Her name's Kally, as in "California." It's where her folks were born, only she's spelt with a "K." Oh, you should have brought her along. Naw. We believe in having separate friends. I met her in a creative writing course in Pasadena. Yeah? What the hell were you doing there? I was teaching it. I didn't know you went in for that sort of thing. Which? Teaching or seducing students? Huh? No. No, I don't if I can avoid it, you know but you got to subsidize the old poetry somehow. I mean, come on. If poetry's going to mean anything you got to take it directly to the people. [ Chris ] That is pure paranoia. [ Chris ] That is pure paranoia. Anybody who wants to can read poetry. Yeah, but they don't want to, do they? 'Cause they're told what? It's... It's a minority taste. Late night slot. You know, pigeon fancying... goat fucking... whatever it is they fucking get up to. I see... I see loads of poetry in the shops. But you don't see poetry in the shops, Marion. You see golfing limericks and jolly historical ballads. Dead, unthreatening stuff. There's nothing vital! There's nothing... Hey! Hey! Hey! Nothing about what's happening now. Sorry, baby. What you actually mean is nobody stocks your books. Exactly. Bastards. [Marion ] Chris? [ Chris ] Hmm? What do you get up to on your walks? Nothing. Think a bit. What about? I don't know, serious shit. The past, future meaning-of-life stuff, you know. Um, I make a few... mental lists. What kind oflists? You know, some people count sheep. Uh... I make lists. Chris Lloyd... the story so far. Healthy. Not poor, not... deformed not... starving. Not asleep. Not asleep. Married: Yes. Children: One. Job: One. House: Yes. Mortgage: Yes. Car... Arguably. So on, so on. Till the panic subsides. What have you got to panic about? Nothing. That's what worries me. Love you. Love you back. And your friend. Toni hasn't changed, has he? Toni's incapable of change. Like the dinosaurs and look what happened to them. Marion... Mmm...? Would you still love me no matterwhat I did? Why, what have you done? No. Nothing. It's a... rhetorical question. Would I still love you no matter what? No matter what. You must be joking. [ Toni ] What kind ofyield do you expect, then? Oh, a good few pounds, I suppose. No, listen, you dig up these escapist bloody flower beds you'll triple your output. Yeah, well, I'm sticking a few veg on the table not provisioning the bloody Ukraine. Good to see you, mate. This is really something, this is, Chris. What is? All this. I mean, you've got the lot, haven't you? Everything a man could want. I'm impressed. Are you taking the piss? Is this it? Oh, bloody hell. Ifyou're asking me, am I happy with the vegetable patch, the flower beds the wife and baby the job and the mortgage the answer is yes-- I am strangely enough. I believe you. There's nothing wrong in any of that. Okay, no problem. Just surprised that's all. Chris Lloyd happy ever after in Metroland. Who'd have thought it? They're already calling them the sexy '60s. Sexy, saucy '60s. Oh, it gives you a hard-on just saying it. Yeah, Brigitte Bardot, Anna Karina Francoise Dorleac. Think of the sex going on in France. Ifwe were in Paris now... Strolling down the Boulevard St. Germain. Stopping chatting with friends kissing on both cheeks. Pernod and coffee with Sartre and de Beauvoir at Les Deux Magots. Not much point being a boulevardier in the suburbs, is there? No boulevards for a start and Acacia Avenue doesn't have quite the same appeal. I tell you one thing to be said in favor of nuclear war: At least this place would go up in smoke. Imagine that, the whole of Metroland disappearing in one brilliant, blinding flash. A million sand wedges melted into scrap. Smoldering mountain of occasional tables. Middlesex's topiary incinerated in an instant. Could you throw us our ball back, please? [Echoing Laughter] [ Man ] Talk to yourself. Only the bloody English. [ Toni ] Tennis in the rain. Tsk. Poor sods. Pathetic, isn't it? And what will they all end up doing? Bank managers, the lot of them. Oh, they can't all be bank managers. 'Course they can. Metroland was built for bank managers. Actual bank managers. Retired bank managers. Student bank managers. Baby bank managers. It's like Invasion ofthe BodySnatchers. Instead of aliens-- bank managers. Yeah. Not me. Come on. This one, Chris. Come on. God, you're ugly. This one. Monsieur, that is wrong, no? Epaterla bourgeoisie? [ Chris] Excusez-moi, monsieur. Mon ami et moi voudrions coucher avec votre femme. Sorry, old man? Nous passerons donc la culbuter samedi à l'heure du thé? Parlez-vous anglais? Non. Je crois pourvoir vous aider. Je vais traduire la question. The young man wishes to know if he mi ght come to tea on Saturday afternoon with a view to mowing your lawn. Mm. Merci, merci. [ Toni and Chris Laughing] [ Chris ] Those silly games we used to play. [ Chris ] Those silly games we used to play. What's so silly about them? Huh? I mean, all ri ght, we were childish about it but at least we had the right idea sticking one up the bourgeoisie's fat, complacent bum. Yeah, those were great days, weren't they? Great. Come on, man, you're talking Iike it was a hundred years ago. It feels like it was. Does it? So when am I going to meet this Kally, then? Kally. We're having a party. Why not come along? Great. Soon, yeah. Just don't wear that. I haven't been to a party in ages. You know what it's like, having a kid. No, I don't, actually. So, are you in love with her, then? In love? What? What's wrong with that? Oh, come on. It's just the way you say it. I mean, what, you sound like my dad. Yeah. I mean, yeah things are going all right with Kally I suppose, you know. She's a smart girl. She's... You'll like her. Yeah. We have a non-monogamous relationship, man. Really? Christ. Is she all right about that? It was her idea. I mean, neither of us wants a relationship based on possessiveness, jealousy and that shit. Hmm. What, so you just, you just go off and... I just... Yeah. Whenever I feel like it. So, you been unfaithful to Marion yet? You're serious? Mm. I'm very happy with my wife. Are you? No, I haven't been unfaithful to her. Oh, that was interesting. What was? That strenuous denial, you know. I mean, what does that mean? "No, but I wouldn't half mind a bit. "No, but I, you know nearly got some last week." No, it means no, because I don't want to. What about sex? Plenty of sex. All right. I'm only asking. I mean, I'm sure Marion sticks her heels in your ears and drains you as dry as a loofah, but... Kindly... Kindly keep your disgusting similes away from my wife. Come on. You're only human. I mean, what, you've been together, what eight years now. Don't you ever wonder what it'd be like to go to bed with another woman? Of course, um... Of course, but I mean everybody does. That's-That's-That's just fantasy. That's nothing to do with actual life. That's... I mean, I don't lie in bed thinking... "Oh, Christ," you know "I hope I have it away with somebody else before I die." Hmm? And I would never do anything to hurt her. You might... She might not mind. [ Toni ] Oh, we've won an award. Yes, I have. "Christopher Lloyd. "Advertising Design Awards winner, Gold Loom." Hey, now, now this is it. This is more like it. Yeah, I thought you'd like that one. I'm impressed. It's not exactly, uh Cartier-Bresson though, is it? Hey, you always were a bloody good photographer. Oh, not quite good enough, though. Ah, could have been. You could have been. Whatever happened to that book you was always going to do? Do you remember? Yeah, yeah. Well, um... I thought it was time to get serious about the career when Amy came along, you know. It's still on the back burner, though. What's it about? Well, it's, um... It's really... It's in here? No, I'm not saying. It's in here. I'm sitting on it. My God. Christopher Lloyd's deep, dark secrets. No, no, don't, Toni. No, leave it. You'll only laugh. What's the matter? I won't laugh-- Chris, come on. Friends since the cradle. It doesn't matter what it is, I promise you. However ludicrous, trivial, obscene... I'm not going to laugh, am I? Let me see. Watch out. What I'm planning is, a, uh... a photographic... history of travel in London. You know, I mean the premise being sort of the extraordinary within the ordinary, you know, because everybody's so familiar with, you know, the trains and they cease to see anything special about it, really but this is one of the ideas I've got for the cover at the moment. It's just a rough thing you know, but... Fuck me. An illustrated guide to the Metropolitan Line. Yeah, thanks, Toni. What an enticing prospect. Thanks, you bastard. Hey, come on. I'm sorry. Yeah, don't overdo it, you know? You know, it's just one of a lot of ideas. It's a great idea. I'm really not sure that it's... I'm gonna do that one yet. I look forward to it, honestly, all right? What's happened to you, Chris? What do you mean? You know what I mean. [Marion ] Punk concert? [ Chris ] Yeah. He's got a friend in the band. You hate punk. No, I don't. Yes, you do. You know you'll hate it. Anyway, you're only going because Toni wants you to go. I happen to be very interested. They might have an age policy on the door: "Middle-aged swingers strictly banned." I'm not that old. You know, you've developed this very annoying habit of constantly telling me how I should be feeling, what I will and won't like. I am capable of independent thought, you know? How long's Toni staying around this time? I don't know. He didn't say. What's he living on anyway? Dole and savings, I guess. You know, he doesn't seem to be short. He's probably taking that Kally woman for all she's worth. Well, that's a very... aggressive way of putting it. Just an educated guess based on what I know about Toni. You've never liked him, have you? No, I like him. I just don't have a rose-tinted view of him, that's all. You can sound very cynical sometimes, Marion. Don't tell me you've only just noticed. Yeah, well, anyway, I'm gonna... I am gonna go to this gig. It will be an experience, you know? It'll be something... different. Be fun. [ Loud Punk Rock Playing ] [ Indistinct ] # Destroy! Destroy! # # Destroy the hoi polloi! # # Destroy! Destroy! # Destroy the hoi polloi! # Nice shirt, wanker! [ Toni ] # Destroy the hoi polloi! # # Destroy! Destroy! # Hey! Mwah! Wonderful, aren't they? Yeah, very talented. # Destroy! Destroy! # # Destroy the hoi polloi! # Take it! # Destroy! Destroy! # Go on! A big one! # Destroy the hoi polloi! # # Destroy! Destroy! # # Destroy the hoi polloi! # # Destroy! Destroy! # # Destroy the hoi polloi... # [ Chris Slurring ] Hello. Hello. [ Man ] Oh, look at that nonce. Hello there. Mr. Nonce to you. Man with a dress on. [ Chris ] I saw you! What are you doing? [ Yelping ] Chris, you all right? Yeah! This is fun! This is fun, Toni! You, you always knew how to have fun, didn't you? I always, I always... I always felt a bit dull next to you. What's the... What's the secret? No secret. No, really. What is it? What's the secret, Toni? Your problem, Chris, is you're busy doing what other people want you to do. Your parents, Marion, everyone. The trick is to do what you want. Sod what he wants. What about me? Are we shagging or not? I should know better better than to try screwing old men. [ Chris ] Fun! I'm having fun! Yeah, this is it. Come on, then. Up you get. Up you go. Up, up, up. From now on I'm going to do what I want. Of course, you are. Come on. No. No, really. Come on. Let's get you home. I'm gonna do what I want. No, Toni, I mean it. From now on. I mean it. [ Rock Music In Background ] [ Toni ] What's Marion going to say? Taxi! Taxi! Hey, stop there! In you get. In you get. Chris, Chris, Chris, you do not want sex. I bloody do. No, you don't. Come on. You're going to bed. You're going to bed. You are in the first stage of a three-stage hangover. Marion. Oh, Toni... I say, sir. Toni. I say, I've never seen the likes of it. I said the sofa. Go on. Get out. Out, out. This is private. Private. Chris, come on. Yeah. Come on. Come on. Stage one of this hangover: Start feeling randy... Yeah. And stage two is pass out-- halfway through. No. Feeling ran... Rubbish! Rubbish. Anyway, I want it to be you that I make love to. It's me. No, it's not. It's me, darling. No, it's eight pints of lager with an erection. No. Yes, it is. Get into bed. Stage one. Then stage two. What's stage three? Stage three, my dear, is wake up with a blinding headache. Bollocks! I feel absolutely fine. Bed, bed, bed! No, I feel... Yeah. Into bed. Go on. In, in. [ Baby Crying ] I'm going to get the baby. Oh, Chris, for God's sake. Are you coming back? [ Panting ] [ Horse Snorting ] [ Classical Music Playing ] [ Door Opens ] How you feeling? Fine, thanks. I phoned the office and told them you were ill. I got to get going. Thanks for the sofa. Everything okay? Fine. You and Toni... you had a row or something? 'Course not. [ Train Rumbling ] Saw you snapping away on the platform. Interested in trains, are you? Not really. Just there's not much else to photograph around here. It's very fancy. Got it for my birthday. I retired today. They gave me a whisky decanter. 42 years in the same company and nobody's noticed I never drink. This is the last time I'll ever make this journey. This used to be a grand line, you know? Used to have ambitions. Do you know there was a Pullman car right up until Hitler's war started. It was called the Mayflower. It wasn't just ambition with the Victorians, you see. There was confidence as well. Confidence in ambition. I mean, can you imagine? They wanted to join the Metropolitan Line up with Northampton and Birmingham. Have a great link through from Yorkshire and Lancashire through Quainton Road, through London joining up with the Old Southeastern and through a channel tunnel to the Continent. Monumental. Is that when they started calling it Metroland here? That bloody nonsense. No, that was just a name made up to please the estate agents during the war to please the estate agents during the war before Hitler's. Catchy name to make it sound cozy. Cozy homes for cozy heroes. 25 minutes from Baker Street and a pension at the end of the line. Turned it into what it is now... bourgeois dormitory. Aren't you bourgeois, then? [ Chuckles ] 'Course, I am. So are you... I shouldn't wonder. No, I'm not staying in Metroland. I'm gonna live in Paris and take pictures. French never could run a decent rail service. You see, it doesn't matter where you go. Metroland isn't a place. It's a state of mind. Oh, Amy... Aw, sweetheart, what are you doing? Marion! There's a good girl, sweetheart. There's a good girl... Marion! [ Crying Loudly ] Sorry, love, she's just... Come on. ...taken everything down. Aw... Daddy's had a bad day... Come on. [ Clown Squeaking ] [ Crying Fades ] [ Camera Shutter Clicking] Stop now. Ne bouge pas. Comme ça. [ Woman ] The camera... No more. No more. [ Chris ] You taught me to say what I'm feeling. Nowyou're blaming me when I do. You know... I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Yes, but I was teaching you to be sincere, not cruel. [ Marion ] Chris? Ifyou're going to look at dirty pictures ofyour old girlfriends at least have the style to do it openly. [ Woman ] Sex with me was always wonderful, Chris. Betterthan it is now with Marion. No, that's not true. That's just nostal gia. No... you gave me multiple orgasm every time. Did I? You never said. Mmm. You were a fantastic lover. [ Gasps Quietly] Marion doesn't appreciate you. You might be right about that. [ Toni ] Face it. You don't desire her anymore. No, I do. Just not in the same way. You never stopped desiring me. Yeah. I didn't fall in love with you either though, did I? Are you sure? Maybe you were just too young to know. Maybe you just lost your nerve and ran back to where you felt comfortable. What do you mean? I thought you came to Paris to be an artist. I did. So what are you doing ten years later Iiving a mile from where you grew up doing a job you despise? Face it, Chris... you've become your parents. That's not true. Oh, yeah? Why didn't you stay in Paris? [ Sighs ] [ Crowd Clamoring On TV ] Tu devrais être dehors dans la rue avec eux. Tu prendrais de bonnes photos. Je suis un artiste, pas un journaliste. Comment va madame aujourd'hui? Très bien. Malheureusement. [ Chuckling ] [ Crowd Clamoring On TV ] [ Woman Gi ggling ] A vez-vous du feu, s'il vous plaît? Merci. [ Woman ] Ciao. Ciao. C'est qui, cette fille? Quelle fille? Euh, léopard plastique, cheveux foncés. L éopard plastique, cheveux foncés, trèsjolie? Oui. Aucune idée. [ Cl icks T ongue ] Chris... Ne te fatigue pas, hein? Ne t'approche pas des filles. Elles ne pensent qu'à te couper les couilles. [ Scoffs ] Regarde-moi. Dis-donc. Tu gagnes ta vie avec des photos? [ Exhales ] Pas avec les miennes, en tout cas. Parce que j'ai besoin d'aide pour le week-end. A moins bien sûr que... ce ne soit pas digne d'un artiste de ton envergure. Non. Oui. Merci, Henri. [ Toni ] "Africa 's where it's happening, Chris. "Vibrant culture. "Great people. "Thinking ofhanging out here for a while... "or maybe heading down to Afghanistan "'cause apparently they grow "the best pot in the world there. "You wouldn 't believe the skirt out here. "The American girls. Jesus, even you could score. " [ Chris Chuckles ] "I'm working on getting to Paris. "Just not sure when. "Don 't start the revolution without me. "Eat the rich. L ove, Toni. " You're meant to be here you bastard. Not bloody Afghanistan. [ Shutter Clicks ] [ Henri ] Ça y est. C'est fait. [ Chris ] Quoi, donc? Ce matin madame m'a dit que son chocolat était froid. Ça a fait tilt. Je suis descendu à la cave j'ai pris une hache je l'ai découpée en tous petis morceaux. T'aurais vu le sang. Vous avez tué votre femme? Pas vraiment. Mais on peut rêver. Bonjour. Bonjour. C'est vous qui les avez prises? Oui. Elles sont géniales. Ah... Non, elles sont pas mal. Je m 'appelle Chris. Chris Lloyd. Enchanté. Enchanté. Je m 'appelle Annick. Annick. Vous êtes anglais, alors? [ Chuckles ] Oui. J'entends ça. Alexandria Quartet. Ah. Yes. Vous lisez mountolive? Yes. Anglais? Uh-huh. I'm practicing. I love speaking English, but, uh... you know, I make so many mistakes. No... It sounds good to me. Um, did you read the first two? Yeah, of course. I mean, if I started reading a quartet on the third book, I might get a bit lost. Yeah... Yeah, right. Absolutely. Yeah, you'd have to be really stupid to start on the third book, wouldn't you? Yes, of course. Which, um, you're not, I'm sure... stupid... I mean. Wouldyou like another drink? Yes. Right. I'd like that. Ça commence toujours comme ça avec les filles. Un petit blanc sec-- et boum. Your cock in the mangle. I love to drink a little bit. Mmm. Makes me less inhibited. Yeah, me, too. Trouble is, I get so uninhibited, I pass out. [ Laughs ] What's wrong? Nothing. You keep staring at me. I'm sorry. Have I got something on my face? No! No, no, no, not at all, um... It's just... you're so... [ Giggles ] Oh, God. Sorry. [ Laughing ] No, I'm just... What I'm trying to say is, you're really... [ Giggling ] Well-read? Yeah, exactly. [ Both Laughing ] Annick. Hmm? Ony va, on va être en retard. Oui,j'arrive. Well... It was, uh, real nice meeting you. Yeah. Bye. Annick! Do you want to see a film on Friday? There's a new Bresson. Friday, um... Yes, at, uh... 6:00 here? Yeah. Bye. So what did you think? Oh, I think it is so, so sad. It's so true, you know? And lots of little things. Lots of humor. Humor... maybe. Ah, no... you mean sad humor. You're absolutely right, yeah. Um... not the funny sort. No. The human comedy. Yes. No, not the kind of humor you laugh at. No, no. Well... So... Let's walk. Yeah. Yeah, where to? I don't know. Who cares? [ Laughing ] What? Oh, no, sorry. No, I just wish, um... My friend Toni was here to see this 'cause we always dreamed about being boulevardiers. Now I'm about to be one. Quite. # Tous les garcons et les filles de mon age # # Se promènent dans la rue deux par deux# # Tous les garcons et les filles de mon âge # # Savent bien ce que c'est d'être heureux # # Et les yeux dans les yeux # # Et la main, dans la main... # Oh, qu'il fait beau. So French. Ah, c'est le Palais Royal, ça. I had lunch there with my boss. Oh, nice. #...Je vais seule par les rues... # You're very clever. No. I'm not. You think so? #... Carpersonne ne m'aime... # I'm sorry. I'm sorry. # Mesjours comme mes nuis # # Sont en tous points pareils # # Sansjoies et pleins d'ennuis... # You're mad. # Personne ne murmure "je t'aime" à mon oreille # # Les garcons et les filles de mon âge... # Sorry. [ Shrieks ] Slowly. Slowly. Slowly. Slowly. Is it the first time? Huh? Is it the first time? No. No, I've slept with loads ofwomen. [ Moans ] Er... Well, you know, a... some. Well, one or two. Um, shall I... Shall I put something on? Yes. Please. Okay. Oh, shit. No, I can't... Let's try. Okay, give it to me. God. [ Gasps ] Dear, dear. Uh... No. I'm going to do it. It's okay. [ Gasps ] [ Moaning ] [ Annick Giggling ] Did you come? No. Oh, God. Sorry. Oh, no, it's okay. I usually don't the first time. Oh. I like the sound of that. Implies there's going to be a second. Oh, I hope so if it's what you want. Well, yeah, I like to sell my women into slavery after ravishing them usually, but, um... Is that right? In your case, I'm prepared to make an exception. Mm-hmm. I'll be back. Look, um, I'm sorry. I'm... You probably noticed. I'm not... I'm not very experienced. Uh... Have you been with many men? Oh, thousands. [ Laughing ] [ Whistling Tune ] Silly. [ Toilet Flushing ] I never thought the sound of a flushing toilet could be sexy but I guess it depends who's doing the flushing. Very funny. Well, at least I can keep you entertained while you're not coming. Hmm? Hmm? [ Moaning ] [ Laughing ] [ Shutter Clicking ] Pourtoi. We're here. Mmm... [ Laughs ] How are you feeling? Wonderful. You don't have to speak English ifyou don't want to. No. I want to improve. I want to. I want to... What the word? "Impress" on you. You do impress on me all the time. Your English hardly needs improving at all. Your English is wonderful. Oh, liar. Tell me whatyou're feeling but not just generally like-- exactly. [ Sighing ] Fine. Normal, I suppose. Okay, now, I want really what you're feeling. Tell me. Um... Um... Uh, I don't know. Um... I don't know. You go first. Well, okay, let's try. Um, well, um, I'm amused and surprised that I have a beautiful English boyfriend and, um... guilty about what my mother would say about the sex. And, um... anxious for her opinion ofyou and, uh, maybe a little bit worried that I'm not quite clever enough foryou. And that you might want a girlfriend who's more than just a secretary. That's it. Now you try. Right, um... Well, I'm content, peaceful, tranquil with, um... an undercurrent of turbulence. My God, what was that? The weather forecast? Or...? Please. I mean, it's not a test. Don't look so worried. No, no. It's... In England, when, uh, you ask somebody how they are, you know, it's just... words. It's just a courtesy. The last thing in the world that you expect is that they're going to actually tell you. Yeah. You're so direct. Where did you learn to be so sincere? What do you mean, "learn"? I mean, eitheryou say what's truthful oryou don't. That's it? Yes. You look so scared. Comment savoir sije suis amoreux? Quand ta maison est en feu, tu le sais. C'est tout. Right arm around the wicket. Four balls to come. Play. It's a glorious run-- surely the century. [ Game-playing Yells Continue ] Sorry. Oh, it's a good one. My run! Putain! God... Sorry. Are you okay? Pourquoi lesAnglais sont-ils toujours si anglais? Je suis venu ici pour eviter tout ça. I think the natives are getting restless. Why, what did he say? Um, something unflattering about the English, I think. Ecoutez, ça va, allez faire les idiots ailleurs. Did you get any of that? Maybe he wants to take our picture. Do you think he's putting on an act? Do you think he's English himself? Are you? [ Sighs ] He certainly acts like the real thing. Well, speaking for myself I could do with a vin rouge. Any takers? Yeah. Come on. Are you coming? Why not? Monsieur et madame. So, why were you pretending to be French, then? Well, you know the bloody English abroad-- they're always complaining, aren't they? It's always something. It's either the food or the beer or the terrible service. "Oh, aren't the Parisians rude?" Or something like that. I mean... and shouting. As though that's going to make them understood or something. Why would I want to be English? Well, surely there must be something you like about us. I can't think of anything. Don't you miss home? No, of course not. Oh. What? Don't you believe me? Of course I believe you. [ All Laughing ] Bonjour. Le monde, s'il vous plaît. Vous parlez anglais? Monsieur? Monsieur? Non. Hmm. What are you doing today? Nothing special. Okay. Then, see you. Dear. [ Outside Door Shuts ] And I've started thinking in French, you know? I feel French. I'll wave my hands about when I talk, you know? I have, uh... sex in the afternoon. I mean, if that's not French, I don't know what is. I mean, I... I belong here, you know? I feel like I'm at home. But? It's... It's not that I miss England, exactly but there's... one part of me that feels like it's being disloyal to the other. Maybe you're just homesick. No. Lonely? [ Scoffing ] Hardly. Oh, yes, you've got thingmy-- What's her name? Anyway, what's she like-- this girl that you're having a relationship with as you put it? Her name's Annick. What's wrong with putting it like that? You don't have to tell me about her. It's none of my business, anyway. No, I don't mind telling you about her. She's, um... She's really... direct and, uh, emotional, and sincere-- everything. I mean, we've got this real connection between us. We never lie to each other. What? Never? No. Never. Don't worry. I'm not trying to embarrass you. I'm not embarrassed. [ Church Bells Ringing ] What are you going to do, then? Do? For a living. Take photographs. Does it pay well? I don't know. I haven't actually sold any yet. Oh. How are you going to provide foryour family then? What family? Oh, the one you'll have one day. Bloody hell. Give me time. Why? Well, 'cause I'm 2 1. I'm still... you know... still having relationships. What, more than one? Well, not simultaneously, no. Anyway, marriage is a relationship. Yeah... So? Well, you said you were going to have relationships and then get married as if they were two different things. No, I didn't say I was going to get married. Well, no, I suppose you didn't technically, no. Too bloody right, I didn't. I'll never get married. Oh, I thinkyou will. Why? Why? You're not original enough not to. [ Loud Slurping ] Chris... does Annick know about me? She knows I see friends. Does she know you see this particular friend? Not specifically, no. It's never come up. It's no big deal, though, is it? It's not as if... we've got anything to hide. I thought you never lied to her. I'm not lying. If she asks me, I'll tell her. Well... if she doesn't know I exist how can she ask? Fair enough. I'll tell her then, shall I? Don't start reading things into these conversations, will you? What do you mean? Well... ifyou analyze them too much you might just get the idea that I fancy you. Do you? I'll see you then. What shall we do tonight? I don't know. See a movie? How about the new, uh, Truffaut? This English girl I met said it's pretty good. That's settled, then. Yeah. She really liked it. Good. Yeah, um... Marion, this English girlfriend of mine uh, said it was, um... one ofher favorite films. Are you trying to tell me something? What do you mean? Is this the famous English tact? No. Merely pointing out that apparently the film is quite good. Good. Who told you that? A friend. An English girlfriend? Well, not "girlfriend." You know, I mean, a friend who happens to be a girl. You've got, uh, French boyfriends, haven't you? Yes! But I don't mention them three times running unless I have a very good reason. Well, I'm just explaining that, you know, she's a friend. Um... see each other from time to time and... I've been meaning to mention her to you. That's it. I think that you mean you've been meaning to mention that you're sleeping with her. No. Of course not. I sleep with you. Or that you want to. No. Hold on. This is getting ridiculous. I'm not being, um... What's the bloody word? I'm not being perfidious. [ Laughs ] You know, Albion is always perfidious. They teach you that in school. No, I'm not... Listen, I just... I'm trying to be honest. I don't hide things from you. Are you sleeping with her? No. Are you in love with her? Bien sur que non.Je... Je t'aime bien. Thankyou very much. So kind. Of course you do. No, I mean, I really do. I love being here, being with you and everything. You know, I love it. I think, um... I like... Iike you a lot. How... How rational! How... How measured! How English you are! You say it as ifyou'd known me for 20 years rather than a few months. Well, you taught me to say what I'm feeling. Now you're blaming me when I do. I thought... you know... I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I was... I was... I was teaching you to be sincere, not cruel. I'm sorry. I mean, not 'cause I've done anything wrong. I haven't, but I'm sorry because you've misunderstood the situation. No. No. Why are you...? Annick... Why are you crying? Huh? Is it because I mentioned that girl? I don't know. Tell me. Is it because you think I don't love you enough, or something? Is it because you love me? Tell me. Annick? It's all right. [ Humming "God Save The Queen" ] [ French Accent ] God save the Queen. Oh... Perhaps he has been malade, huh? He looks healthy enough to me. Perhaps he has been sulking. Mais, il n'est pas boudeur, non? Perhaps he work hard. Perhaps his duck she has given him the elbow. Oh, perhaps that, yes. [ Imitating Violin Playing "Auld Lang Syne" ] Anyway, how could we let you spend the evening by yourself? We thought you might be ill. I thought you might not like me anymore. I made a terrible mistake. Annick... meant everything to me. I... Ioved her. I loved her. I realize it now. I don't want to go to bloody England. I hate England. I'm staying here. I'm going to stay in Paris. I'm going to be an artist. I don't want a wife. I don't want bloody kids. I don't want responsibility. I don't need any of that. Well, at least we know where we stand. [ Chris] Attagirl. That's it. It's Mummy, Amy. Hey, hey. Watch what you're doing with those hands. Oh, that's great. Yeah, that looks lovely. On this beach, sun coming down music playing, campfire and the women-- unbelievable. Incredible. Do you ever think about... somebody else when you're having sex with Kally? Of course. I mean, who doesn't? Me. Until recently, just lately. Um, whenever I make... Fucking. Yeah, uh, with Marion. Um... Annick keeps popping up. You know, I mean, it's not that I physically want her. If she walked in the door right now I might not fancy her at all but I've just been thinking about the past a lot. And I'm wondering what that says about... me and Marion. To be honest, we haven't been getting on that well recently. Are you going to leave her? [ Laughing ] No. No. I haven't even thought about that. It's just I feel... Trapped. You feel trapped. Quite frankly, Chris, I'm not surprised. Look what you've done with your life. No wonder you're bored. Oh, and I suppose your life is something wonderful by comparison. I do what I want to do. I'm proud of my work. Can you say the same? I'm your oldest friend, Chris. I know what's going on in your head. I can read you like a book. You keep thinking to yourself, "Did I make the right choice?" Well, did you? Toni did askyou, you know. Of course he did. "Come to Toni's party. "Dress informal. Wives optional." Rubbish. He wanted you to come. Well, someone's got to look after Amy. We could have got a baby-sitter. We never go out together. We haven't been at a party in decades. You always say you hate parties. Yeah, well, I want us to have fun. You mean you want you to have fun. Well, go on. I'm not stopping you. You know what I really hate is that you feel this need to drive a wedge between me and Toni. Like you've got something against there being anybody who knew me before you. I thinkyou'd better go. I hope it's fun. [ Door Closes ] [Rock Music Playing] # Strolling along, minding my own business # # Well, there goes a girl and a half# # She's got me goin ' up and down # # She's got me goin ' up and down # # Walking on the beaches, looking at the peaches # # Well, I've got the notion, girl # # That you've got some suntan lotion # # In that bottle ofyours # # Spread it all over my peeling skin, baby # # That feels real good # # All the skirts lappin ' up the sun # # Lap me up... # Lloydy! # Why don 't you come on over here? # Hey, how you been? What did you do? Raid an art gallery? What are you doing with your trousers still on? Where's Kally? Downstairs, I think. Bit of a sausage roll crisis going. Listen, go down and cheer her up. She just had an abortion. It was her decision, you know, but I agree. I mean who wants to bring another little bastard into this shit heap, huh? Except budding bourgeois fat cats, of course. Enjoy yourself, for fuck's sake. # Walking on the beaches, looking at the peaches # # Well, youjust take a look over there # # Where? # # Is she trying to get out ofthat...? # # So you win again, you win again # # Here I stand again # # The loser... # Prawn vol-au-vent? They're, uh, part-raw, part-incinerated barbecued-sushi effect sort of thing. [ Laughing ] I know you. You were staring at me in the hall. Well, not staring, exactly. You were checking me out. Oh, it's all right-- I was doing the same to you. I'm Joanna, by the way. Chris. Are you a friend ofToni's? Mmm, that's one way of describing it. Has anyone ever told you you have a nice face? "Nice"? Ugh. I, uh, suppose my mother might have mentioned that. You can get me a drink, ifyou want. Oh, can I? Mind if I get myself one? # Oh, it's so funny to seeyou afterso long# # And with the wayyou look# # I understand thatyou were not impressed# # But I heardyou and that little friend ofmine... # [ Water Running ] Hello again. Hello. I was wondering where you'd gone. I was wondering where you'd gone. I was looking foryou. So now that you found me, what are you going to do? Do? Well, you're interested, aren't you? I know I am, so I assume we're going to fuck. Oh, I... don't know about that. I'm married. I'm not prejudiced. No, it's not that easy. Ifyou're worried about getting involved, don't. I'm not into that shit. You're a married man. You got it all out in the open. Well, good foryou-- on both counts. Can we go to bed now? Well, that wasn't so difficult, was it? [ Zipper Unzipping ] [Marion ] I wantyou to have affairs. It'll be good for our marriage. I'll still cookyour dinner and do your washing and ironing. [ Zipper Unzipping ] [ Jewelry Rattling ] It's a little more practical ifyou're within reach. Have you got any Durex? I'm not on the pill. No... [ Chuckling ] It's, um, not the kind of thing you carry around with you when you're married, really. [ Chuckling ] You'd be surprised. Toni keeps them in the bathroom cabinet just under the sink. Right. [ Heart Beating ] [ Monitor Beeping ] Marion! No! [ Heartbeat, Beeping Continue ] [ Flatline ] No...! [ Laughing ] [Joanna ] Chris? You okay? [ Toni ] Good old Joanna... Go on,Joanna. You go for it, man, all right? [ Slapping ] [ Door Creaks, Closes ] What are you doing? I'm going home. Why? Because Toni put you up to this. You sleeping with him? Sometimes. I'm not a whore. I decide who I sleep with, not Toni. But he suggested it might be a good idea provided you didn't find me too repulsive, right? He just wanted you to be happy-- He really cares about you. I'm really touched. Chris, what difference does it make? Whatever Toni did, the point is you still wanted to sleep with me. I wanted to, but I didn't. 'Cause you were scared. Possibly, yes! Isn't that as good a reason as any? [ Gurgling ] Hi. Hi. [ Whistling ] Joanna found this in the spare bedroom. Joanna? A friend of Kally's? Want to watch this husband ofyours, Marion. Right little raver on the dance floor when they put the oldies on. It was his wild streak that I married him for. What the hell are you doing here? I know what you did. About what? That whole bloody little adolescent game with Joanna. It wasn't a game. I was giving you what you said you wanted-- helping save you from yourself. Ifyou've said anything to Marion... What are you frightened of, Chris-- upsetting the whole cozy little middle-class applecart? Losing your perfect wife and your neat little flower bed? Have you said anything? What's happened to you, man? You've just given up... down the line. Come on. What went wrong? Paris wasn't that long ago. It's been nearly bloody ten years since Paris! Most of my adult life! New definition of the word "adult": "Time in which you've sold out." A few years of freedom then back to the safe job and the tennis club. Yeah, and yet another triumph for the bourgeoisie steamroller! What are you doing here? What the fuck were you doing with Marion? Why don't you ask her? I'm asking you! Well, let's just say Marion doesn't share some ofyour inhibitions. For Christ's sake, Chris, stop it! Stop it, Chris! Stop it! Stop it! Get off! Stop it! Stop it! Did you sleep with Toni? Is that what he said? Not precisely. And what do you think? I want you to tell me you haven't. Does it really matter if I have? The way you've been behaving recently I wouldn't have thought you cared. Of course I care. He made a pass at me. More than once. I turned him down. But I... I nearly said yes. Oh, I was tempted. He happens to be rather attractive. I really don't know what's going through him. I don't understand him. Oh, Chris... you're such an innocent sometimes. Don't you see? He's jealous ofyou. Jealous? Toni's jealous of me? Yes. And ifyou can't see why... then we really have got a problem. Hello, darling. Hello, sweetheart. Good girl. You all right? Marion... you know Toni's party? Mmm? Something happened there. There was this girl. Well, what's important is she, um... tried to get off with me. I'm glad I'm not the only person in the world who finds you attractive. She really tried quite hard. I can't say that I blame her. Just thought you ought to know. Is this a confession? No. 'Course not. You didn't sleep with her? No. I just want to get everything out in the open... well, with the circumstances... But I was wondering How would you feel if I had? Well, I suppose that depends on the circumstances. I expect we'll find out one day. What? Well, you'll probably sleep with someone else sooner or later. It's too interesting not to. No. I don't see why. I don't think either of us went into this marriage with ridiculous expectations. I mean... I do know what it is to be sexually bored. Do you? Are you? Sometimes... but mostly not. The thing is, Chris, it... It isn't what you think it is. It doesn't prove anything and it doesn't disprove anything. Yeah. Well, you know, it's... a hypothetical situation, anyway so... Well, not entirely. I... Since we're discussing it I might as well tell you that... yes I have been unfaithful to you once and, yes, it was only the once and, no, I haven't been tempted to since and I don't think I will be now. [ Door Opening ] [ Door Closing ] Fuck! [ Panting Passionately ] [ Chuckling ] [ Laughing ] Was that better? Better than what? You did sleep with her, didn't you-- that girl at Toni's party? I told you... Well... she was all right, I suppose... but who wants fast food when you can eat at the Ritz? [ Sighs Gently ] Listen, I just came to say good-bye. Yeah. Yeah, back to the States, I think. What are you going to do? I don't know, maybe some screenwriting. Kally's people are in the film game. I might, you know... Going to stay at their place in Malibu. Mmm? It's lovely, yeah. So, when you coming back? Oh, I don't know. I'm leaving it open-ended. Listen, Chris... why don't you come? [ Chuckles ] You're serious. Yeah, of course I'm bloody serious. Why don't you just let it all go, huh? I mean, come on. Doesn't your heart just sink at the thought of it all? Knowing what, you're going to spend the rest ofyour life here-- knowing how every day is going to begin and end day after monotonous day until what? You keel over with a heart attack well before your time? The thing you don't understand, Toni the thing I didn't understand... is that I like it here. I like my life. I'm content. [ Footsteps Approaching ] [ Footsteps Approaching ] Making lists again? Yeah. What about "happy"? What about it? When you're drawing up your lists what do you put in the column next to "happy"? "Happy: "If not now... never." # Yearning, we wereyearning# # Green light blinding on the rail# # Green light blinding on the rail# # Burning, we were burning # # And the line unwinding to the Holy Grail # # To the future gleaming on a blue horizon # # And a golden girl on golden sand # # Dreaming, fantasizing # # In another world from Metroland # # I've danced in rain # # And I've been Django # # And I've got laid # # I've been a rollin 'stone # # I've been Verlaine and I've been Rimbaud # # Not afraid to walk alone # # And now I take my midnight ramble # # Do I fold orplay what's in my hand? # # What's at stake and what's the gamble? # # Do I stay in Metroland? # # Dreams, yesterday's laughter # # Ghosts and lovers come back to play # # But dreams have a morning after # # And run for cover in the light of day # # I got something real, worth holding onto # # I can belong to and understand # # I've made my deal # # I will go on to # # Make my peace with Metroland... # # With Metroland... # # Metroland... # # Metroland... # # In Metroland # |
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