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Mission Cleopatra

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An old Egyptian poem goes as follows:
"Nile, Nile, Nile, Impetuous and turbulent river.
You're like our queen, The source of life."
Asterix and Obelix "MISSION CLEOPATRA"
Our story begins in a distant past, in Alexandria,
Or at Alexandria, both are possible,
In Egypt, at the palace of the Queen of Queens:
The legendary and elegant Cleopatra.
I'm saying Egypt's culture isn't all that great.
There were good times of course.
I'm just saying the current people are decadent
And that Egypt is merely a Roman province
A "Province"? - Yes.
Until further notice, oh Caesar,
It's not the Romans who built the Great Pyramids.
Those pointy things? - And the Sphinx?
And the Tower of Pharos? What do you think of that?
That's old news. - Yesterday...
Or today, my people are superior! - In fact, your people are Greek.
And I know better, true Egyptians.
I can prove to you, oh Caesar,
That my people are still brilliant.
Yes? How? Painting portraits?
No, by building a palace.
I already have a palace in Rome.
You'll get one in Alexandria too. So when you visit the "Province",
You'll have somewhere to sleep. But it will be bigger
And more luxurious than all other palaces.
Bigger than "Caesar's Palace"? I'd like to see that.
You will see.
Rome wasn't built in one day. When will it be finished?
Three centuries from now?
Three months.
Three months? - Three months?
Three... - ...months?
Within three months, you'll have your palace.
It'll never be finished in time.
But fine, I accept the challenge.
If you make it, I'll publicly admit
That your people are still brilliant. But I have my doubts.
See you in three months.
He really gets the most of me.
Oh no! Why is the floor already finished?
First the water pipes. Now we have to break up the floor.
Malococsis, I'm not an architect. I'm a tiler.
What's that door doing there? - No idea.
Ask Edifis, the architect. - Architects...
Along with cart wrights they're the most incompetent.
Edifis. - I'm happy to see you.
How are you? - Terrible!
W...w... What's the problem?
The door in the ceiling. - That?
I anticipate. Should you want a second floor, no problem.
And the tiles. Beautiful, huh? Feudartifis, come see.
Are they beautiful or what? - Beautiful.
Malococsis, trust me.
I'm not a cart wright. - You're worse.
You're running two months behind. Watch it, I have connections.
People in high places who could cause you a great deal of problems.
Preferably from Alexandria.
Architect Edifis?
No, that's... What's it about?
I had to laugh because of the Alexandria joke
Because people in high places make me think about monkeys in a tree.
You don't have to get angry.
My little one, wake up. Breakfast.
What's this?
Artifis Clean the water. It stinks!
I don't smell anything
I was just doing what I always do
That's your problem
You always do like you always do
Yes, I always do
The floor is weird. I don't feel it.
Where is it?
Good day.
Edifis, is Egypt the most powerful empire in the world?
Yes. No one in the world has more power.
Of course I don't know everyone.
The Romans and Caesar have their doubts.
I'm going to show him what we can do. - Ok.
I'm building him the most magnificent palace. - Ok.
And you, Edifis, will be the architect.
I'll be the architect? Meaning...?
I'll have to...
All my other architects are busy
No, I'm not busy
He's not busy
Edifis, you're the only one available.
I have no time. I have to finish my work for Malococsis.
Only the tiles, but anyway...
My Queen, as your architect I offer you my services.
When the crocodiles have fresh water, I could...
No, you're good, but too conservative.
Conservative? What does that mean?
I want something new, something refreshing.
But... Help Edifis. Find some land.
As you wish.
Go, Edifis. You've got three months.
Three months? What's the margin?
Because in three months, that's merely enough for the plans
And with the foundations, that's three times four, nine...
Three months, that's...
I don't think that's enough.
Edifis! You've got three months. Exactly!
If you succeed, I'll cover you with gold.
If you fail, I'll feed you to the crocodiles.
Where's the sweet little lamb?
They ate the little lamb?
I should build that palace.
Then I - neither Cleopatra, the rain,
the hail, nor the locusts -
would be Egypt's worst nightmare.
...17, 18, 19, 20, 21...
...474, 475, 476, 477... - Boss!
Boss! I rushed myself.
I was thinking about some sort of machine
That would enable us to reach the top of the pyramid.
Otis, can't this wait?
What are you counting, boss? - I'm measuring.
Cleopatra wants a palace for Caesar
Here. On this stroke of land.
From there... to there.
That would be a big palace
It has to be modern and daring
That's great. You can stop now.
Leave it to the experts.
No time. We've got 3 months!
Fine. And how much extra time?
None. We've got 3 months, not a day more.
Impossible! - That's obvious.
However, urgent jobs can be interesting.
It's not urgent. It's suicide!
If I fail, I'll be fed to the crocodiles. And I saw them.
The crocodiles were fast!
Not good. I can't finish my machine.
Did you hear me? Did you hear me?
Yes, no, but... - Sorry, but I can't be eaten!
Three months starting when?
The clock is ticking. - They've been working on the gardens for years
And there's nothing. Completely nothing.
We need magic.
We need to be magicians. Gods.
Exactly! We need magical powers.
Yes, it's not good news, but that's it.
When I was little
My dad told me about this druid. Geta-Getabemix.
Something ending in -ix?
It starts with Geta- And ends in -ininekix.
How about Pommederainettepommedapix?
A druid.
A Gallic druid with a magic potion.
It gives people enormous strength.
Using that potion, I'll finish in no time and stay alive.
Imhotep, I didn't expect it, but suddenly I'm freed.
Magic potions don't exist
Only on children's papyrus drawings
Get us some workers. Let them start the foundations.
There will be a lane with big statues. Called "Big Statue Lane".
And there gardens with olive and orange trees, willows, ....
Yes, and there the palace. Luxurious and magnificent.
With a huge court yard and lots of dancers.
And there a small geranium. Yes, that will be beautiful.
That will be really beautiful.
You have to picture it! - Yes.
I'm leaving. See you in a month. - A month?
Max! The time to find Getabemix and come back.
Go, Cannabis.
Go, Cannabis!
Let's go!
You're not moving, Cannabis.
Move it! Go, Cannabis!
Where does that Mix live?
Up north. He lives up north!
Go, go Cannabis.
The year is 50 B.C.
Gaul is entirely occupied by the Romans. Well, not entirely...
One small village of invincible Gauls still holds out against the invaders.
And life is not easy for the Roman legionaries who garrison the fortified camps of
Totorum, Aquarium, Laudanum and Compendium...
En garde, Gaul! Defend yourself!
One moment please.
What was that? - Are you new here?
Yes, we've just been transferred.
I understand. This potion is a magic potion.
Made by our druid. And it makes us stronger.
Getamanix! Getamenixme!
What kind of country is this?
Incredible, it's minus 8000 degrees here.
I don't have to drink it. I fell in when I was a little boy.
It gives me extraordinary power.
Nice, huh?
Good day. Where's the Gallic village?
If you follow them, you'll get there.
I'm not going with you, okay? I'm staying here.
I'm going to think a little.
Those Romans are good. They fly better than the others.
It's because of their new helmets. They're more aerodynamic.
Landing could be better.
Excuse me? Are you Asterixme?
Rix... Asterix. And this is Obelix.
And the dog is Dogmatix.
Do you know Getabamenix? A druid.
Getafix, excuse me for disturbing, but you have a visitor.
Sir? - It's me!
He obviously doesn't know you.
I, I, I'm Edifis. I'm Tumeris' son, your old friend.
What a pleasant surprise!
You must be frozen!
I'm very happy to see you...
He's from Alexandria. Come warm yourself.
That's the magic potion? - No, chestnut soup.
I can't sell you any potion.
Not all of it. One cauldron.
He won't budge, it's the principle.
A small cauldron.
A flask. - No.
A small flask. - Nah.
A cup. A small cup. A small cup, that's all.
It's a secret among druids and not for sale.
A little cup is not much.
I'm sorry, Edifis.
Okay then
You were my only hope
The small chance of survival
But I understand
You have other things to worry about
Caesar, the Romans. Who I'm not fond of.
Maybe I'm going to die.
But it was nice knowing you.
What's wrong?
Edifis, wait! I've been planning to consult some manuscripts
In Alexandria's library. I can't promise anything
But I'll join you.
Thanks! Thanks a lot, Getamanix!
My ship is waiting. There's enough room for everyone!
There's no time to lose! - Let's go, Dogmatix.
You're not going to take him, are you? - Why not?
He's too small for such a big trip. And Egypt is the land of cats.
Pack your bags and don't talk about it any longer.
"Don't talk about it..."
Accompanied by the arctic wind, on board of the Napadelis,
A long journey to Egypt begins. The land of Ra, the Sun God.
Cleopatra's kingdom would soon welcome
Asterix, Obelix, and Getafix
And... Dogmatix?
I bark. I'm not allowed to talk any more, so I bark.
Fine, take him out before he suffocates.
The bag is empty. - "Is empty..."
Oh! Such a smart dog! My baby!
How nice! He wanted to be with me.
He got in there himself. - We were just saying...
Three months is a little short.
Artifis is a real hyena.
Do you know hyenas? Just the same.
He wants me dead and he has many talents.
Like what? - No. He's rich.
He's got many golden talents. The Egyptian coin.
In Gaul not the ones with most talents are the richest.
Do we have to fear anything else? - No, nothing.
Red Beard! Red Beard!
Men, last time we weren't very lucky meeting those Gauls
With their magic potion, and that big dog.
Completely outnumbered, we had no other option than to...
Run away.
No, not really.
We had to abandon ship as soon as possible.
Swimming in that ice-cold water. - No, it was nice.
It was ice cold. - Fine.
To prevent further trouble, we'll avoid the Gauls.
But for any others, no pity!
Ship at starboard!
Ready to board, daddy. Raise the oars.
Calm down, my girl.
Besides, you're not making any sense.
That's what I thought.
How many ships, Boy?
Just one, Captain, a small one.
Egyptian, Captain.
Egyptian. - Egyptian. Sounds good.
This will get us back on track. - "Ipso facto et manu militari".
Triple pod.
Man your posts! Bosco, Gambler, Mullet, hoist the sails!
Rackham, Worley, Husk, blow the horns!
Get ready to board!
I'm the King of the World!
Help, pirates!
Look, pirates! Quick, we have to get out of here!
The pirates.
It's us!
The G... The Ga... The Gau...
The Gauls!
This can't be happening!
Is there an axe here? Watch out. Pardon me.
Calm down there. - What are they doing?
Cheater! - It's not fair.
Good. Sink it yourselves!
They know who we are.
They're old friends. We've met them many times at sea before.
You see, "Abyssus abyssum invocat."
Enough of those Latin proverbs.
What's that at the horizon?
The lights of Alexandria.
Let the butterflies of my youth strand.
I don't know why I just said that.
I'm hungry. - We'll be there in the morning.
That's the Tower of Pharos, a beacon for ships.
A beacon for ships... Egyptians are mad.
It's one of the Seven Wonders of the World. The biggest construction ever made by man.
I'm hungrier than a barracuda.
You wanted to see me, Edifis?
My Queen, the palace is getting along nicely but there is not enough time.
That's why I asked some Gallic friends, a druid and 2 warriors
To help me with my task.
I'm here to ask your approval
For their help
If it's ok with you
I wasn't sure
You can ask anyone for help.
Finish the palace in time. That's all I ask.
Caesar mocks me every day. I can't afford to lose this bet.
He's completely full of himself!
Make sure you finish in time and everyone shall receive gold.
I would like that.
Else, the crocodiles. - I wouldn't like that.
Now go.
He's cute with that mustache.
A little old.
No, the other one. - No, too fat.
Are you doing this on purpose?
She's probably got an evil personality, but a lovely nose.
She'll feed me to the crocodiles. - Very lovely.
Lovely nose,
and with a little braid on the side.
I'm going to be crocodile food, and he's dreaming about her nose!
Do crocodiles taste nice?
Could you show a little more interest in me?
A big ant.
What a crowd!
Looks like the bi-annual cattle market of Lutetia.
All new breeds of cows are presented there.
A great show!
What kind of cows do you have?
Yes, continue. There's nothing going on.
Yes, still a lot of work to be done.
And only two months left.
About that magic potion, when I visited you in Gaul,
you told me you would take care of things. Now I would like to know...
I said I would see if I could help. - How do you mean?
Where did all that sand come from? - That was already here.
All those stones were delivered by the Nile Express.
Hitting those slaves is very violent.
They're not slaves. They're construction workers.
They do this voluntarily and they get paid.
And those whiplashes are for fun? - No...
Yes... I don't know. We haven't had any complaints so far.
"Istou"? - Maybe it means, "Continue."
The signal that the soup has arrived.
No. They're relieved.
Tradition calls for them to exchange hair.
Now they're bonded by hair.
It's a different culture.
Do you remember that menhir I threw at Caius Bonus?
I bet it weighed just as much as that bunch of stones.
You should ask him. He's best positioned to answer.
It's a different culture.
Another bill. I hate paperwork.
Otis, my writer.
Writer, that's a comfortable position.
I don't think there are any good or bad positions.
If I have to summarize my life, I'd start with my encounters.
The people who stood up for me when I was all alone
It's strange that coincidence determines your fate
Because once you've had a taste of the good life
It's sometimes hard to find someone to speak to
The mirror that helps you forward
But not in my case. Because I've succeeded, I thank life
I sing. I dance. I love.
And when people ask me why I'm so humane
I tell them it's the taste of life
Which today leads me to this kind of mechanical construction
But tomorrow might lead me to be of service to the whole community
And... I'll give myself.
What's for dinner this afternoon? - Lentils.
I'll be back
This is the place where soon Caesar's Palace will be
To be finished in 58 days
What are you looking for?
I've lost my lentil
Have we gone back to the days of the Pharaohs?
Slaving away and getting whipped?
And for whom?
For... Caesar.
Let him build his palace in Rome
Everyone at his place and the hippos will be fine
That's true!
Friends, you are being exploited
You're being exhausted. And... be honest...
He's right!
And there, two huge statues.
But not too huge. 15 meters high is enough.
And at the edge of the Sphinxes, a big kitchen.
Next to the bedrooms? That's maybe not ideal.
Because of the noise and odour? - Could become annoying.
Didn't think about that.
Why are those grapes so big?
They're dates, Obelix. They grow on those trees.
Crunchy on the inside. - That's the seed.
Not bad.
Lunch break is over. Get to work!
I hardly said anything. Only that lunch break was over.
We're not satisfied! We're not satisfied!
Please? - Yes...
We're not satisfied! We're not satisfied!
We refuse to work any longer under these conditions.
It's unbearable. - We're not satisfied!
Calm down, calm down.
We're not satisfied!
Who's in charge?
Okay fine.
I'll speak for all of us.
I'm Itineris. - I'm listening.
You have two new messages.
First of all: we're working more than 18 hours a day or 36 hours in 2 days.
We want it lowered to 35 hours.
That'll never work. It'll cause problems.
Secondly, and sorry for interrupting you,
We want a decrease of at least 50%
An increase you mean? - No.
A decrease of the number of whiplashes.
We get too many whiplashes.
Some people get headaches from all the noise.
Their head is ready to burst. - Yes...
And concerning the food... Some wild boar alongside the lentils would be nice.
The less whiplashes, the slower you work.
Then the palace doesn't get finished in time, and I'll be fed to the crocodiles.
Enough, Edifis. Itineris is right
To not allow that
I'm sure they would be happy with some wild boar
It's ready
No, you fell in when you were little
Come on, Dogmatix
Give them a demonstration, Asterix
Be careful, it might be a bit too strong
It's a little too strong. - No, it's very good.
Dogmatix, do a trick
Do a trick
It's a miracle!
Is there enough for everyone?
I'll make some more
No, Obelix, you... - ... fell in when I was little
Yes, alright
No! Obelix, no.
Hohis. That's his name.
No, Hohis. With an H.
Can I help you?
One Imhotep - Two
I have a job for you
No problem. Who do you want me to kill?
No, we're not killing anyone
Here you go, two Imhoteps
The construction of the palace has to stop
They're waiting for stones from the south
Make sure they don't arrive
No stones, no construction.
No construction, no palace.
No palace...
... No palace.
Here's some gold to cover your expenses
You give back whatever's left
Nice tunic
I came, I saw, I conquered. Veni, vidi, vici.
The usual stuff. And sign with:
"Cesare" or "Caesar"?
Caesar. It sounded cool, but...
Engrave 4 plates
Ave Caesar. Power and prosperity.
Power and prosperity, Caius C+. Good news?
I came, I saw, I conquered. As usual.
Veni, vidi, ... Okay, vici is a little premature.
What do you mean?
Gaul for example...
What about Gaul?
Gaul is vici. It's completely occupied.
No it isn't. One small village of invincible Gauls still holds out...
... against the invaders. Yes, I know.
I've heard it over and over.
And Cleopatra? They stopped construction?
No, it's going fine.
It's beautiful. They even... on the inside...
No. - Excuse me.
Don't touch me. - They'll finish in time.
Impossible. - The Gauls don't know the meaning of the word.
Edifis got 3 of them to help him. One of them is the druid, Teachix.
Yes, I knew it sounded like that.
Also, a little clever one and a big brute: Aikix and Journalduhix.
Or Malcomix.
Keep an eye on them for now. I'll decide later what to do.
Si vis pacem, para bellum. If you want peace, prepare for war.
The little Gaul has the name of a hero: Brucewillix.
In the mean time, the ruthless Nexusis,
Sent by Artifis, was completing his mission
To cut off the supply of stones
By bribing the foul convoy supervisor
There the buildings can form a "C", from Cleopatra
It's Caesar's palace
That's possible too. - What do you mean?
The stones have arrived
The supervisor says there are no more stones in the quarries
Funny language. - He wants to be paid.
He's lying. - No, he really wants to be paid.
No, about the quarries. There have to be more stones.
I could make him talk. Can I?
Okay. But don't overdo it. He needs to be able to talk.
How do you say "talk"?
In the sense of, "I don't speak Egyptian very well",
It's "Medou ene ere comete."
If it's, "Talk a little slower," then it's "Medou ere keteb."
"Medou ere keteb." - No, "Ketebece."
"Ketebece" - "Keteb." "Ketebece" when there's 8 of them.
"Ketebece" - No, not "Ketebece."
No, sorry. - No one understands you.
"Keteb" - open. "Keteb" - generous.
Try "Say"...
No? Not "ouchebe"?
No, Obelix, not so furious
He says Artifis paid him to throw the stones into the Nile
There are enough stones in the quarry
Ai... Ai... He says... - Yes, ai. I understand that part.
He says "ai" because he's in pain. I'm in pain.
Not the mustache. Not the mustache.
He's finished
We'll go with him
I'll stay here to keep an eye on things. Otis will accompany you to...
Yes, to...
Here, amulets.
Lucky charms to protect you
Amsterisque - Rix
Risque - Yes, Rix...
The fate of Egypt is in your hands
Isn't that a little exaggerated?
My fate is in your hands? - That's better
Go, Amsterisque - Rix
So our Gallic friends and Otis went on their way
To the quarries to get the stones
What's wrong with your dromedary?
It's my stomach
While I pack up the boat, you can visit the Sphinx
There will be many restaurants
You can stuff yourself with all kinds of things
Steamed fish, meat in sauce
I knew it, nothing to eat
Nice, those little Sphinxes
I could make little menhirs
Sphinx? - Never mind
Sphinx? - No, thanks
Stranger, a portrait with the Sphinx as souvenir?
A statue in 30 minutes
Yes why not? It would look nice at my place
Do you accept Sestertius? - Sure. Stand in profile please
Shoulders up front
Not too far
We have to be more alert. Artifis is a snake.
Besides the transport, he could attack the construction site
We must organize a guard
What do you think, Obelix?
Now where did he go? Obe?
Not too short. - No, no, no...
So you're from Gaul? - Yes
Been pretty hefty there lately
Obelix... - Ho! Ho! Asterix!
Obelix, I'm sure that's forbidden
Come down at once!
How nice...
Come down. You're being childish
You look so small down there
Don't be stupid. Get off that Sphinx!
I'm going to take a walk on its head
Wise guy!
Broken nose
Great, great. Remarkable.
Congratulations, Obelix.
You've outdone yourself this time
We could attach it again
Really? That's a great idea
With what? Did you see the size of that thing?
Yes, it's a rock. A cliff
What am I saying? A peninsula
Stop making everything so complicated and find a solution
You're so clumsy, Obelix
Luckily no one saw us
He said: "Let the Greek balm you."
Imhotep? - Tep
Help me, I only have two arms
Was that lightning?
I told you I saw lightning. I'm not crazy
No one will find it there
Fine, let's get out of here
Come on, Dogmatix
Not a word about this to Getafix
Nothing happened? - No
Hey! My pyramids!
Seeing the palace is progressing faster than planned,
we demand, which is perfectly normal,
An extra day off.
Did you understand me?
My name's Edifis
What did I tell you? [Interference]
[Speaking unclearly]
Mobilis, I can't understand you
Move a little
Can you understand me now? - No. How about now?
And now? - Try this
Can you understand me now? [Unclear]
I've been having that problem a lot lately!
Are you alright, Obe? - I'm hungry
How could they build such a thing?
Stone upon stone - Indeed
Feel like visiting the pyramid?
For free.
Not sure if we can learn anything
They say it's extraordinary. We're not in a hurry!
Dogmatix, stay here. Guard the Pyramid
If you're good, I'll give you a bone
Don't lose track of me. You won't get out of this labyrinth alive
Watch it! The corridors are very narrow
You can't be too fat - No one is fat
On your right: Anubis
How touching! - The God of the Dead
Through here...
Come, distinguished guests. Go in there...
Those hieroglyphs... are beautiful.
After you. Enter.
No! No!
You'll never get out of here!
This tomb will be your tomb!
No way out. We are stuck!
"This tomb will be your tomb!" Nice one.
I'm too good. - I knew it. "A free visit."
Anyway, there are enough things to read
Hieroglyphs all look alike - No
Look, Obelix! The colours... are superb!
That's all really nice, but...
If we don't find a way out soon
We'll have all eternity to figure them out
That's that
If they get out of here
I swear I'll never shave my head again
First of all, we have to get that door open
But considering the size...
Hold, Obelix...
For the first time, you can have some magic potion
Really? - That's what he said, didn't he?
One, two, three drops
That's enough
That didn't seem to do anything
No, it's Geta
Yes, I'm here
We're running in circles
The Pharaohs had splendid architects
We're in a serious situation here - Very serious...
I'm starting to get hungry
What did those hieroglyphs mean?
There's no time to find out. We have to get out of here
We must set our priorities straight
I'm reporting to mister Asterix that I'm hungry
I keep myself busy to forget I'm hungry
Sorry, I forgot mister Obelix's stomach was more important
Wild boars and fights, that's all he needs
Mister Asterix knows everything better
Yes, maybe. - I'm reporting to mister Asterix,
who wanted to visit the Pyramids, that this wouldn't have happened in a menhir
2 Sestertius for that logic!
What's keeping them?
The stones are loaded. We have to leave...
I was excited. I was just saying something... My fault.
No, it's my fault.
It also could have happened in a menhir.
In any case, I can't get us out of this place
My friends, I fear... This is the end of our adventures
Could someone light a torch?
No, I have the amulets, but that's not going to help.
I'm sorry for Edifis
I'm sorry for Dogmatix
Or not, Dogmatix? - Dogmatix?
Yes, so? Don't blame me for bringing him!
His sense of smell led him to us
So he can get us out of here
That's true! Dogmatix, listen very carefully...
If you get us out of here, I'll give you a pile full of bones
Yes! Very good, Dogmatix!
Sorry, we're FORTUNATE you brought him!
Sometimes I think he understands EVERYTHING I say!
And they returned to the construction site
Aboard ships loaded with stones
We're going slow...
Very slow. - Too slow...
At this speed we won't be back in time for the wild boar banquet
Lentils aren't that great
The Nile is an unpredictable river
Sometimes impetuous, sometimes quiet
I wonder if you know this nice Egyptian poem
It goes like this: "Nile, Nile, Nile..."
What is he doing?
We're seaworthy again
Hip hip hip... - Hurrah!
Hip hip hip... - Hurrah!
Watch out!
By Toutatis! I know he fell...
in a cauldron of magic potion
But he'll never cease to amaze me!
Hip hip hip... Hurrah! - Stop it!
And construction was ready to start again
Edifis knew he would be finished in time
Which, in the field of construction, was rare in those days
One sip a person... Just one sip a person
Fake potion is being passed out
Same consistency, same colour. But it's pumpkin soup
The only real potion, is the one you get from the druid
Around the cauldron...
Thirty minutes from here
I closed the door and yelled:
"This tomb will be your tomb."
Not bad.
I was also thinking: "Jackals, die like jackals."
But that's jackals twice...
What? Should I say, "Hyenas", instead?
Locked up in the Pyramids?
I don't understand!
They're magicians! You need supernatural powers to get out of there!
They're tough, those barbarians
I need an idea...
Got one! I have a terrible idea! Two... Even three!
I've got a whole bunch of ideas! I'm so good.
I don't like that laughter. It frightens me
Get to work!
That's not even close to the luxurious garden we need
Getamanix, you don't have any potion to speed things up?
Like seeds for example...
That grow into palm trees in no time?
No, potions aren't the solution to everything
Some things can't be changed
Nature needs time to turn the seed,
With sun and water, into a bud.
And then...
That bud... - Please?
It can't go any faster
Yes, fantastic!
Can someone get me down from this tree?
They started again?
I'm not happy either
I also want Edifis to fail, for personal reasons
I was thinking I could be of some assistance maybe
After we've struck a fair deal
Not here. In my tent.
I'm listening
Honourable Caesar, if I ensure that the construction of the palace fails
Appoint me, and I'll delay the job by 2 months
That way, you'll win the bet and Cleopatra is humiliated
Alright, if you finish it after 4 months
Three, I can't work any slower
Fine, but not any sooner, or you'll have to pay a compensation
That's a deal, honourable Caesar
How were you planning to sabotage the construction?
With this
What shall I wear tonight?
Careful, it's very, very tepid
A gift for the Queen of Queens
"As a token of honour to the Queen of Queens. The 3 Gauls:
Getafix, Obelix and Asterix." How sweet.
Can I open it?
Oh, that's tepid
A cake
Tonight's dessert
Modest meal, 40 dancers...
80 musicians and 300 simple dishes
I don't like crowds either
Dinner time!
Ah, wild boar... - Finally some normal food
Yes. - With lentils
That's not really allowed. It's pork more or less
We'll pretend we don't know. - Nobody moves
We're here to arrest the Gauls
Come on, for three wild boars
I'll beat them up and then we'll eat
No, wait. Wait! You're going to fight the whole garrison?
Why not? That's illegal too? You can't do anything around here!
Edifis is right. We're going to see Cleopatra
Yes, nice opportunity to see the palace
I'll stay here to keep an eye on the fire. It tends to go out.
That's why I want to stay
Everything is tasted beforehand
Your scheme failed, Gauls
My taster was poisoned by your cake
We didn't send any cake. What cake?
That cake. I don't see fifty others
The wild boars, okay, but for that...
Silence! You tried to kill me
You will die. - By Toutatis! We are innocent!
You have some nerve.
Ridiculous! We work all day, breathe dust
Eat lentils... - Yes, no...
Yes we do - Lentils. - Yes, but...
We didn't send you any poisonous cake
A cake like that we would have eaten ourselves...
This is ridiculous. - If she doesn't want to hear it...
You don't say anything. For now.
Take them away!
And give the crocodiles an appetizer
I'm hungry
I'm hungry. Hungry!
When I said hello, she turned her head
We used to laugh, said cuckoo... And now...
All of a sudden...
She won't look at me any more. I'm a stranger to her
Cleopatra and you said, "Cuckoo"?
He's not talking about Cleopatra, but about a courtesan
The one with the nice braid
Wouldn't surprise me if he were in love
I'm not in love
I want to tell her I had nothing to do with it
It's a juridical thing
Juridical, yes
Of course
Stop. - Cuckoo, I love you
It's great to look so stupid
Sometimes you can be really nice, and sometimes we think you're...
A fat idiot. - Who's an idiot?
No idea. - Drink. A sip of antidote
Obelix, not everything. A sip.
Yes, a sip
Now... Obelix, open the door
I didn't drink it all... Guard, get out of my way.
Yes, and when you come back you'll bring me a suit...
Egyptians are mad. We ask them to get out of the way but they don't move
And? - I'm ready
I'm sick of standing in profile all the time
Can't you sketch my front for a change? Like this.
Modern art
Excuse me.
Can we?
I'd better leave
Gauls, since you want to see my demise
I will, by Osiris, show you how a Queen dies
No, by Toutatis, listen to us first!
Where are your courtesans? - Why?
No reason. I'm sure the cake wasn't poisoned
I think it's very tasty even
Obelix, cut 3 pieces of cake
We said three pieces
Go on. - Two.
And three.
And? You can see it's not poisoned
Tell your courtesans. Especially the one with the braid
Her name is Guimieukis. - Guimieukis
I had a dream last night
I had won a million Sestertius
I bought shoes. Too big and ugly too
Unbelievable. And weird, because...
That Egyptian architect and his proposition...
Ilemauris? - Artifis
Yes. - Incompetent. He hasn't achieved anything
Send one of ours to spy and snoop around
Thinking of someone in particular, oh Caesar?
Someone sneaky...
Cartapus. - Yes?
Caesar, meet Cartapus
Our best spy
Ave Caesar. Power and prosperity
Cartapus is a professional. The Queen of Camouflage
If I look that way, you can see me
When I look this way, you can't
You can. You can't. You can.
Can't. Can't. Can. - Incredible
You can't. Can't. Can.
You can. Can't. You can a little
Amazing? - Yes
She wasn't even trying hard
They're mocking me
Four months! - Don't rush me
I've been waiting four months! - My mother will kill me
I have connections. - Come on, stay calm
Don't touch me! Impossible to stay calm!
Malococsis, I'll finish everything tomorrow
I'll even give you a discount. I'd like that
He'd like that
If you're not there tomorrow, I'd rather not be in your place
The magic potion gives them incredible strength
I drank it, and now I'm Superman... Superwoman
You don't believe me, oh Caesar?
We shall see
Malivestus! Slap her.
Caesar will personally deal with this matter
The dice have been cast. "Alea jacta est." Excuse me...
In the name of Caesar! We know the Gauls are hiding here
I demand that Appendix, Olympix, and Mannekepix...
No, their names are Asterix...
Their names don't matter!
If they don't surrender immediately, we'll attack.
We're here to help Cleopatra
By Toutatis, we're not leaving until the work is finished
Don't be so aggressive... Maybe we can talk!
We'll kill you all!
I knew it
Jeanclaudeus, prepare the troops. And show no mercy.
My name is Antivirus
Arm yourself. One, two, three...
...four, six, five...
Come on!
Get in line!
Here, put him in some shade
So, amateurs, coming to see the professionals at work?
Yes, alright
Yes... If you're not used to it, it's rather impressive
Getamanix, magic potion for the workers. - It's their day off
This is the palace, there are the gardens
And there is the temple with the Sphinxes
That's not a good drawing
No, I'm merely sketching
In perspective it's more like...
I would have drawn it more in profile
Yes, you do it all the time
Those Romans are mad
Because of the violence in the next scene,
We prefer to broadcast this documentary
In contrary to common belief,
The lobster feeds exclusively on shellfish
Which doesn't bother humanity
The End
One got through! Dogmatix, attack!
Leave me alone! I've been beaten already!
Sir, we don't allow speeding here
We're not in Rome
Ave Caius C+. They withstood the attack
But some managed to get very close to the enemy
Bravo, brave soldier
They shouldn't have challenged me
And what's that?
We got right up to them...
But they were nice
They let us go without beating us too much
What will we do now? I'm asking, as an amateur.
Attack again!
Caius C+, I'm not sure that's a good idea
The Gauls are invincible
I think we better give up
I'm very disappointed by your attitude, Centurion Antiquarus
Antivirus. My name is Antivirus
No one humiliates the Roman empire. If it's attacked...
The empire counterattacks
He's mad. He hurt my throat
It's too quiet
I don't like that
I prefer a little commotion
War machines.
Take your positions!
How low can you go?
Beautiful landscape
Not good, not bad either
Fire! Destroy the palace!
Ready? - Ready!
When I lower my arm...
You fire.
There... Bingo.
My palace!
I wonder why all this violence is necessary?
No, it's fine
Fine. Excellent!
With such equipment it's easy
It's not about the equipment. - Oh yes it is
No. - Yes
No. - Yes
My palace is turned into a ruin!
Go on, Romans, fire! We no longer care
You missed. You shoot like girls!
We're still here
We must inform Cleopatra. She could force...
Caesar to stop.
No. No.
No. - Yes
Yours sincerely...
I have an idea. Dogmatix will bring the message
Dogmatix will bring the message
That dog? You want me to die?
Edifis is right. I mean... it's a dog
He got us out of the pyramid
Go on, Dogmatix
Take this message to Cleopatra
He's too young to understand
I'm hit!
Never mind, I'm fine.
Men! We're seaworthy yet again!
Aboard our trusty old dragon boat
It's an extraordinary mast, subtle as a bird. Hoist the sail!
Oh no...
Too far.
I'm amazed
It should hold
A big sip. I'm leaving but I'll be back
Hurry and be careful
Hold on, Dogmatix
Run, Asterisque... Run!
I know that one. He's a grumpy man
Why isn't he stopping?
The magic potion!
Citebus, Trolleybus, get him! Quickly!
Go on! - But that's not my name
Obelix is alone. Go help him
I'm strong now?
Prepare your sarcophagus
Double evasion
Pryadonis, violence never solved anything
Stop talking
Wait, I didn't drink any magic potion
You lost. - Are you sure?
Very sure. - Ok
Did you know that my Kung Fu is excellent? (Mandarin Chinese)
Why don't you speak in Cantonese? I'm not an idiot! (Cantonese)
Come here then! (Mandarin)
No, no! I beg you, no!
I'm Artifis, and I beat Edifis
The magic potion has worn off
Cleopatra will never get the message
Your family is fine? - Yes, Imhotep.
And your father? - Fine, Imhotep. And your sister?
Everything's okay, Imhotep
What has become of your nephew?
He's doing fine, Imhotep
And how's business?
Sorry, I'm borrowing this cart for a moment
Many customers? - Enough, Imhotep
How useful
We can't catch him. - He's got one with 2 horses
I can't go any faster
Why does everyone always shout, "Ja, ja"?
Catch me if you can!
How will you get up?
Like this
Fighting is ridiculous. Let's work together.
A lion doesn't cooperate with a cockroach
A lion, you know, doesn't cooperate
with a cockroach
I understood: ""
Doesn't calculate
That means nothing to me - No.
When I said lion I meant myself!
I knew that
What's going on?
The lion doesn't cooperate with the cockroach
Who's the lion now?
Say it to my face, if you're a man
Everything okay?
By Jupiter, a moment ago he was still here
We're going home. Gone is gone.
I've had it with Edifis
Where are we going? - To Cleopatra
I'm scared. - Yes, play it smart
I know Cleopatra very well. Watch me.
I'm afraid I have no choice
One, two, three, four, five.
Antelope and lion.
What does the prediction say?
A message and a loved one
My Queen. - Malococsis
Come on in. - Go, Dogmatix. Give her the message
That's the message. - And there's the loved one
My Queen, as you may know I'm building.
In fact, it should have been easily finished four months ago
What? - Easily.
He can't get away with that!
Thank you, my Queen, that you care so much
By Isis, he's a sore loser!
This is typical of Caesar. But this time...
He'll have to accept his defeat. We will finish in time
No, the construction isn't finished. That's exactly the problem...
I'll see to it. You can go now, Gaul
Guimieukis, show him the way. I'll be right there
Pardon me, old man
Come, my Dogmatix. - Come, my Gaul
I believe you don't understand my problem
It's that way. Straight ahead
Be careful. - Yes.
Everything will be destroyed
Everything will be fine, Tranquilum
That attack was a good idea, wasn't it?
Yes, not bad
Asterix is coming back
When I lower my arm...
Don't know. A reflex?
How did it go?
Cleopatra got the message. - Great!
The magic potion took this long to wear off?
Well, it's like this...
You had a taste of the best magic potion there is
Good. Come, my dog. - Cuckoo...
Obelix, Dogmatix just came back and he has succeeded
I was sure he could do it
There's a little pink...
Ave Caesar
Somebody wishes to see Caesar
Who? - Someone
I understand...
I better leave...
My Queen, what a pleasant surprise!
Enough! I rushed over here
Without changing, when I heard about what's going on here
What happened?
When you accept a bet, you have to play fair
The Gauls may help me. - I never said...
If I may say something...
Just one... - This is not conquered territory!
I demand the Romans leave the construction alone
And repair all damages
But... - Silence! Immediately!
So what do we do now?
What she said. We leave and repair the damages
Of course, naturally
I wouldn't want her to sniff her nose at me
No matter how lovely it is
The Romans are leaving
That's good news. - They're leaving already?
Incredible that each of those Romans leaves his footprint in the sand...
Excuse me, I couldn't help myself
That's alright
For the first time, Romans and Egyptians were working together
On the construction of the palace. And just in time...
When the last grain of sand fell...
What are you going to do now, Edifis?
I still have to finish my work for Malococsis
You don't have to worry about the crocodiles any longer
That's why it could take a bit longer
Not too long. It can't become a habit in this line of business
Caesar admitted his defeat
I bow to the most beautiful Queen of all
And to the Egyptian people that after the Rom...
And I bow to the Egyptians who are the greatest people of all
Cleopatra kept her promise to Edifis
Let him be covered with gold!
That was the deal. Cover me with gold
The Queen gave Getafix
Valuable manuscripts from her library in Alexandria
Your nose...
Your Majesty is too good, by Belenos
Otis also gave the palace a modern touch
What's this little chamber for?
It's Otis' invention
It's the "No-effort"
We chose that name when we noticed
That people can go up and down with no effort
Speak for yourself
Oh, it tickles when it stops
By Jupiter!
I want to explore every room of this miracle with you
The palace is huge, Caesar
It consists of 162 rooms
It could take a while
What do you think Cleopatra and Sesam are doing?
Caesar. - Cae-sar
Nothing unpleasant
As an exception to the rule
The banquet that concludes all of Asterix's adventures
Didn't take place in Gaul, but in Egypt
Those big shrimps are nice
Homarus. - Obelix
And the guy says: "That's the Pha-ra-o"
Because his name is O
His name is O and comes from Phara
It's O from Phara
The guy's name is O
He says he's from Phara
From Phara. Like the Pharaoh
The boss... Our boss
You have a lovely mustache
Is it real? - Yes.
It's nothing
You just let it grow
Like your braids
Which are nicer than Obelix's
Thanks. You know how to please a woman
That's a local custom
In Gaul
[More scenes will follow during the Credits...]
Subtitles edited and corrected by
Lisa (hksscom), 2002
Good evening. Your name, please
What for?
It's a private party. I've got a list
I'm Julius Caesar
Sorry, impossible
There must be a problem, because...
Excuse me. Make some room
A warm evening? - Are you alone?
We're with two, four, six, eight. It's crazy
Good evening. - There's a problem...
I should be on that list
How do you spell your name? - C, A, E, S, A, R. Julius.
Cetaparis, Seinesaindenis, C+, but I can't find any...
C+, that's me. - Are you C+?
Why didn't you say so?
Nice harness. - Thanks
I'll see you inside. - Are you ok? Have a good time
Can you look for Julius?
J, U, L, l, U, S. - Sir, I'm not...
I work here
I don't know, but I know... There's one of my amphorae inside
With a J? - U, L, I, U, S
Yes, that's right. Julius Caesar. At the Queen's table
Good evening
Is it IN Alexandria or AT Alexandria?
Because in the south of Gaul, there's a city called Avignon
There's a beautiful bridge. And people say, "At Avignon"
Are you a courtesan?
Yes, and I used to do other things too
I can talk without moving my lips
It's funny, the way...
I have another one... Here
Every part of your face hides something beautiful
A rose out of your ear
A Sphinx from your nose
The guy says: "That's the Pharaoh."
O is his name
And he's from Phara
That's where he comes from. Where he was born
The Pharaoh, because his name is O
The End
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