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Mokey Business

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Not yet, Cary.
Not yet, Cary.
- Barnaby, you have the key. - Uh-huh.
- Well, look for it, darling. - Oh.
Look in this pocket. That磗 usually where you hide it.
Oh, yeah. Oh, but I didn磘 hide it. I put it there so that I could find it.
- Here it is. - Would you turn on the porch light?
Turn off that hall light, close the door, be sure it磗 locked. I磍l start the car.
I understand.
Oh, it磗 you. Come on in.
- Barnaby! - What?
- We磖e going to a dance. - Oh, yes.
- And we磖e going to be late if we don磘 hurry. - Oh, yeah.
Now, let磗 start all over again. You磛e got your key.
- It磗 in that pocket. - That磗 right. I put it there on purpose.
And you磖e going to turn the porch light on, and the hall light off,
- and then you磖e going to lock the door. - Right.
Now come along, darling.
- Barnaby, are you thinking? - Hm?
Oh. Yeah. Yeah.
It磗 pretty dark in here, isn磘 it?
- Oh, that磗 better. - What are you thinking about?
Oh, it磗 the tests we made in the lab today.
They prove that only 23% ofthe formula is being assimilated.
- Oh, the formula. - Well, you know what that means.
That means that 73% is absolute waste.
- 73? What happened to the rest of it? - No. No, no.
Not 73. 77. What did I say?
- 77. - Oh.
I guess that磗 why it has so little effect on the chimpanzees we磖e experimenting with.
We磛e been giving it to them for over two months now.
It certainly hasn磘 done what it should have done.
- I thought it was doing rather well. - No, no.
No, that磗 the trouble. It isn磘 doing well at all.
What about that one monkey you told me about?
- Oh, you mean Rudolph. - He磗 pretty old, isn磘 he?
Well, Rudolph磗 about, uh, the equivalent of 84 years old in a human.
Didn磘 the formula cure his rheumatism? Didn磘 it make his coat much glossier?
- Didn磘 you say he felt better? - In a way.
- Well, then, what do you expect? - It isn磘 what it should be, Edwina.
What must it be before you磖e satisfied with it?
Theoretically, it should have a much greater effect.
I磛e just got to find a way to make it more easily assimilable.
- Huh? - 创Assimilable创?
- More easily 创assimilated创. - Oh, yeah.
I thought I had a good idea at the front door just now.
I guess I just thought I had. Anyway, it磗 gone.
- Well, it磍l come back to you. - I doubt it.
- It磍l come back to you. - That磗 the trouble about being a chemist.
You know, you can磘 actually think.
You feel compelled to stare at a sheet of white paper hoping it磍l speak to you,
but it never does.
- Is that a new dress? - Mm-hm.
Oh, I like that. Let me see it.
I like the way it sticks out.
- Or is that you? - Well, you oughta know.
It isn磘 you.
You ought to be going somewhere in a dress like that.
Yeah. Well, l磎 glad you like it.
Holy smokes!
We forgot all about the party. Why didn磘 you remind me?
- We磖e not going. - Why not?
Well, we磖e not going for a number of reasons.
One... when I dance with you, I want to dance with allofyou.
I don磘 want your brain to be somewhere else.
I know.
You磖e not often the absent-minded professor, but you can be a real zombie.
- Yeah, I admit it. - And I don磘 want people to see you like that.
Now, go on. Sit down and relax, and...
be brilliant.
- You know, you磖e all right. - How do you like your eggs?
- How did eggs get into the conversation? - You磖e hungry, aren磘 you?
I磍l fix you something to eat and call Hank and tell him we磖e not coming.
- Did you telephone Hank? - Mm-hm. He wasn磘 in. I left a message.
Don磘 tell me you磛e solved the formula already.
No. No, l磛e had my mind on other things.
You磛e been looking forward to this party for a month, haven磘 you?
- We磖e not even going to discuss it. - I know that. I was just thinking.
- It磗 queer about people. - What about people?
- Through no fault oftheir own they get older. - That磗 a profound remark.
Well, they do. Something happens to them.
Are you referring to me, Barnaby?
No, I was thinking ofthe human race. A pretty sad group.
Could you get me some soup plates, darling?
If you don磘 think the human race undergoes changes as it matures,
I ask you to recall the night ofthe Everett Winston party.
- I don磘 recall any Everett Winston party. - Remember our honeymoon?
- Of course I do, darling. Put those over there. - I was hoping you would.
Well, a week after we got back from our honeymoon,
the Everett Winstons invited us to a party.
- Sorry, darling, but I don磘 remember going. - We didn磘 go.
We didn磘?
Oh, yes. Now I remember.
We stayed home.
- Just like tonight. - Edwina, that磗 what l磎 talking about.
We stayed home for an altogether different reason. Tonight it磗 for an intellectual reason.
I remember we didn磘 want to share each other with anyone. You were so sweet.
Remember how the telephone kept ringing for hours and hours and hours? 102
I磍l get it.
You see what I mean? Tonight we磖e answering calls.
- Hi, Hank. - Hi.
Say, what磗 this message about not going out tonight?
That磗 right. Sometimes there are things more important than going to a dance.
Oh, the genius at work again, uh?
I磎 glad l磎 a lawyer, not a chemist. Where is he?
- In the kitchen. I磎 fixing dinner. - I磛e got a few things to say to him.
This has happened just once too often.
Now, what磗 the idea of doing something tonight you can do just as well tomorrow?
I磍l get you a drink.
Why can磘 you be a genius before sundown and a human being after?
I never know in advance when l磎 going to be a genius.
- Here磗 your drink. - You can磘 call off a date
when your wife磗 got a new dress and l磛e booked a table. Itjust doesn磘 make sense.
No, I don磘 suppose it does.
- What are you doing? - Nothing, dear.
- I think you磀 better sit down. - What for?
Do as I tell you, and you磍l see what I mean.
- Cold? - I see what you mean.
Now neither one ofyou are making sense.
I think Mr Entwhistle is disturbed
because he can磘 take you to the party and dance all over your feet.
I didn磘 reserve a table and order flowers just to look at your face.
No, I don磘 suppose you did.
Go on, have your soup while Hank drinks his drink. Be careful, it磗 very hot.
- Is it all right now? - I can only tell you, Mrs Fulton,
if you磀 been smart enough to marry me instead of... this,
- you wouldn磘 be in a kitchen cooking. - No? Where wouldshe be cooking?
- Did you burn yourself? - I hope he did.
- I told you it was hot. - He has no feelings.
Here, eat some bread. Quickly. Well, darling, say something.
- Heat. - Well, I know. Blow on it!
Heat! Just ordinary heat. I never thought of it.
Heat could make the formula 100% effective.
- I think you磛e solved the problem. - Do you really think so?
- I磎 almost sure. - Do you know whatjust happened?
- He burned his mouth. - No, silly. He just solved our whole future.
If your future depends on figuring out soup is hot...
- Hank, wait. Tell him. - I磛e been promised a good job
- if I can make the formula work. - No more commercial assignments,
no more working on nonskid girdles or noiseless popcorn bags.
- No fooling! - Yes, select my own field of research,
exchange ideas with other professors all over the world.
Well, that磗 fine. Seems to me a celebration is in order.
No reason to stay home from the Yacht Club party now.
Except we磖e staying home from the Everett Winston party.
- Everett Winston left town three years ago.
- We磖e still staying home from his party. - You can磘 stay home from a party if you...
- Your phone磗 ringing. - Yes, I know.
- Shall I answer it? - No, just let it ring.
- That磗 important, isn磘 it? - Very.
- You two are way beyond me. - Convey our regrets to the Everett Winstons.
And say we磖e very sorry.
The language is confusing, but the actions are unmistakable.
Good night, you two.

- Just a moment, please. - Good morning.
Oh, Dr Fulton. Mr Oxly would like to see you in his office.
Thank you.
- Good morning, Dr Fulton. - Good morning. Aren磘 you here early?
Oh, yes. Mr Oxly磗 been complaining about my punctuation,
so l磎 careful to get here before nine.
Mr Oxly磗 on the telephone. Won磘 you sit down?
I磎 glad we have a moment. I have something I want to show you.
For instance?
Isn磘 it wonderful?
- I beg your pardon? - The nonrip stockings you invented.
Oh! The N-41 acetate project.
This is an experimental pair, the first out of the factory.
- Aren磘 you proud? - Turned out rather well.
I磍l say. You can磘 tear 磂m or snag 磂m or anything, no matter how hard you try.
- You磀 be amazed, Doctor. - Oh, no, I wouldn磘.
I磛e done a lot of experimenting with this kind ofthing. But l磎 through with all of that now.
- Oh, Mr Oxly. Dr Fulton磗 here.
- Good morning, sir. - Good morning. You can come in now,
- ifyou磖e not too busy. - Miss Laurel was showing me her acetates.
Yes... No calls, please.
Yes, sir.
- Barnaby, I want to talk to you. - Yes, sir.
I磎 very much interested in this new experiment ofyours.
As a matter offact, l磎 all steamed up about it. How磗 it coming?
Our problem is to increase the efficiency ofthe formula.
- Could be quite a thing. - I stumbled onto something
- that may be of help. - That磗 good news.
Oh, I wanted you to see this advertising layout.
I want your opinion. We jumped the gun a little, but I thought we磀 better be ready.
Well, why B-4?
创Be-fore创, as in 创before and after创.
Emphasises the youth angle.
Get it?
- What磗 the vulture doing? - That磗 a phoenix, a mythical bird,
rising out ofthe ashes of age.
Makes the youth point again.
- Dignified, yet forceful. - Do you mind a comment, Mr Oxly?
- Not at all. I磀 welcome it. - I think it磗 appalling.
- From what point of view? - It磗 lurid and inaccurate.
It implies that it磗 some sort of 创fountain of youth创 drug.
But wouldn磘 it make people young?
Mr Oxly, we磖e working with a large number of ingredients,
each ofwhich accomplishes certain beneficial results.
- Well? - Well, it depends upon
which combination of ingredients we use, and the proportions in which we use them.
We may never find the right combination, or the exact proportions,
to produce the effect you磖e talking about. It would be a miracle.
- But you can do it, my boy.
- I told you I didn磘 want any calls. - Mr Oxly, Dr Lenton磗 on the phone.
- He says it磗 very important. - Who is he?
- He磗... - He磗 my new assistant.
Oh, yes. Oh, just a moment, Miss Laurel.
- Find someone to type this. - Oh, Mr Oxly, can磘 I try again?
No, it磗 very important. Better find someone to type it for you.
Yes, sir.
Anybody can type.
- Who did she say was calling? - Dr Lenton.
Oh, yes. Yes, Dr Lentil?
I know he磗 not there.
Dr Fulton is here with me.
Yes... What?
Really? What sort of reactions?
Why, that磗 amazing! We磍l be right there!
Come along, Barnaby. You磛e done better work than you know.
- Come along, Miss Laurel. It磗 amazing! - What磗 amazing?
Dr Whachamacallit says one of your monkeys broke loose. We磛e got to hurry.
He磗 acting very strangely. Obviously a reaction to your formula.
I knew you could do it, Barnaby. I knew it.

Careful, Mr Oxly. He磗 pretty wild.
- Behave yourself! - What happened, Jerome?
I haven磘 the slightest idea. He opened the door of his cage, and he磗 acting strangely.
- Let go of him. - There磗 no telling what he might do.
Let go of him!

Look at that old chimp, Miss Laurel. 84 years old, 14 years older than I am,
- and just look at him. - I am looking, Mr Oxly.
This is incredible.
Now, Rudolph, you come down!
I don磘 understand this. Have you been giving him stimulants?
Only the formula. Only X-57.
- Be a good boy! - The tests we made gave no indication that...
Come on, Rudolph. Act your age!
Come down here! This isn磘 like you.
Come on. Come on, now.
Come on, Rudolph. Behave yourself. Come down. That磗 better.
- What磗 he doing there? - That cage contains our female monkey.
By George! By George!
Come here! Mr Oxly, haven磘 you seen enough yet?
Come here.
Something磗 wrong. Let me see ifthere磗 something I can do.
- You磖e welcome to him. - Rudolph, you calm down.
You behave yourself. That磗 better. Be a good boy, and do as I tell you.
Come on down from there. Come on. That磗 good. Come along.
It磗 all right.
Now, calm down and sit there, and let me look at you.
Well, gentlemen, I think we磛e seen enough. I磀 like to consult with Dr Fulton, alone.
Barnaby, if your formula will have the same effect in humans,
- it磗 the greatest thing in modern science. - Sit down.
We intend to discontinue every other product.
We磍l turn out B-4 and nothing but B-4.
I磀 like to offer myself as the first human to try it.
- Mr Oxly, that may be dangerous. - I磎 perfectly willing to take that chance.
- This isn磘 Rudolph. - What?
This chimpanzee is only six months old. Rudolph is a male. This is a female.
- Barnaby, are you sure? - Reasonably.
- She磗 wearing Rudolph磗 jacket. - This is Esther. Here, hold on to her.
I磍l prove it to you. There磗 Rudolph, with Esther磗 number on.
I suppose the janitor gave them a bath and switched jackets by mistake.
- I suppose that磗 the way it happened. - I feel let down.
Personally, l磎 glad it happened.
You know, you磖e expecting too much from that formula of B-4, Mr Oxly.
Perhaps it磗 the name that磗 confusing you. Ifyou let me work for a couple of hours,
- I磍l be better able to prove what it will do. - Let me know when you磖e ready.
And let磗 have no more false alarms. They certainly take it out of a man.
Come along, Miss Laurel.
What a ridiculous way to start a day!
I hope it doesn磘 get any worse.
Sodium ascorbate.
3,000 milligrams.
- Check.
You keep quiet, Esther.
- Don磘 you like the way l磎 doing this?
- Molybdenum. - Ah. Sodium molybdate?
- Yes. - Let磗 see. Four-tenths each dose.
- So three doses will be 1200 milligrams? - Check.
- 2,000 milligrams? The whole three doses? - Check.
Well, that about does it. Now, Jerome, we磍l refrigerate these factors, and heat these.
These remain as is. We磍l use Dr Miller磗 cooler and incubator.
Shall we label this X-57 as usual?
No, X-58, and not B-4.
- Good morning. - Good morning. Oh, Gus.
- Did the monkeys take a bath this morning? - Why, is there one missing?
No, no. Gus, did you bathe the monkeys this morning?
- Yes, of course. Sure. - You mixed up their uniforms.
Oh, I did? Oh, l磎 awfully sorry. I磍l fix 磂m up right away.
No, do it when you feed them this afternoon.
- But don磘 let it happen again. - I won磘.

Oh, quiet down. You磛e caused me enough trouble already.
Huh! Grown-up men playing with monkeys.
Mice, rabbits, guinea pigs...
- Now monkeys.
- Oh, oh, oh, oh! Whew! - What磗 the matter?
Oh! My bursitis. That磗 one ofthe things I hope the formula will alleviate.
- You intend to take it yourself? - Certainly I do.
- Why don磘 you try it on Jerome? - I wouldn磘 dare.
- Remember the hair restorer? - One of our more successful experiments.
- We learned how to remove hair, anyway. - Let磗 talk about something else.

Hey, hey, hey!
How did you get out of there, huh?
Listen, Esther, or Rudolph, whichever one you are...
Come on. Come on, you get right back in your cage.
No, l磎 not gonna carry you. You walk. Come on.
What you doin gettin out? Get back in.
Go on. How磀 you get out, anyway?
Gus, I thought you were going to attend to that later.
Oh, I wasn磘 changing 磂m, Doctor. Esther got out. I was puttin her back in.
I guess that was my fault. I forgot to close the lock.
- Kinda messed your stuff up there. - I磍l take care of it, Gus.
Oh, don磘 bother with anything now, Jerome. I磎 anxious to try this.
Seriously, Doctor, do you think you should?
Self-experimentation is against the rules of good research.
Jerome, the history of discovery
is the history of people who didn磘 follow rules.
Well, here goes. To X-58, and a better world.
Goodness, that磗 bitter. I磀 better get some water.
Oh, that Gus.

It even makes the water taste bitter.
- Well, better put these away. - What might be the first reaction?
- I haven磘 the vaguest idea. - What about the length of time?
It depends on the period of absorption. It磗 quite possible that...
- Hm. Touch of dizziness. - And you have a slight flush.
Oh, well, that磗 probably due to my natural excitement.
Hm. Around 150.
That磗 odd. Nothing in the mixture accelerates the heart.
And you feel dizzy, you said?
As a matter offact, I believe it磗 increasing.
I磀 better record my reactions.
Pulse 150, is that right?
Mounting vertigo.
No nausea.
A sensation not unlike...
a series of small electric shocks. I...
- Jerome? Jerome, where are you? - I磎 here.
- What is it? - I can磘 see. I磎 blind.
- Go on with the notes. - This is serious. I磍l get help.
I know what I took. Ifthere磗 an antidote, we磍l have to find it ourselves.
Just take the notes.
It磗 like a cloud - a very peculiar feeling.
A general milkiness, but no discomfort.
In fact, it磗 a sensation of extreme wellbeing. It磗 as if l...
Doctor? What is it?
A paralysis? Can you speak?
Try tapping one for 创yes创, two for 创no创.
Can you hear me? Doctor, can you hear me?
Perfectly. Hand me the telephone book, please.
- Whose number do you want? - Let me have the book.
Inglewood Drop Forge and Tool Company,
1065 Westhauser Avenue, lnglewood,
West 6-0945.
It isn磘 possible!
It is possible, Jerome. For the first time in ten years, I am able to see without my glasses.
- Perfect vision. - I can磘 believe it.
There. Now l磎 blind again. Fog. You see?
- Now I can see again. - Doctor, X-58 seems to be a success.
Oh, indeed it does.
I磍l try my bursitis.
Oh, I beg your pardon.
- Not a twinge! - This is amazing.
Dr Barnaby Fulton, let me shake hands with the next Nobel Prize winner.
- Delighted!
Pardon me. My phone磗 running over. Hello? Department of Water and Power.
- Which one would you care to have cut off? - Hello? Hello?
- Hello! - Oh, Barnaby.
You sound as if the formula was a success.
Tell me, anybody giving a party we can stay home from again tonight?
- No one lknow of. - Then pour yourself into that new dress
- and we磍l go out and celebrate. - Don磘 forget what you have to do.
- What do I have to do? - First, get a haircut.
- Haircut. Yeah. - And geta newsuit.
- New suit. Yeah. - Oh, and darling.
Stop by the automobile agency. Mr Peabody just called and says he has a very good buy.
A good buy, eh? Well, goodbye to you.
Oh, what a joke!
- A real knee-slapper! - You do feel all right?
- I磍l get it.
Hello. Griffith Park Zoo, Snake Department.
Hello? Hello? What is this? This is Mr Oxly.
- I磍l see if he磗 here. - No, no! This is Oxly.
- Who is? - I碼m, speaking.
- Oh, you磖e Mr Speaking. - This is Mr Oxly speaking.
- Oxly-Speaking? Any relation to Oxly? - Barnaby, is that you?
- Who磗 calling? - Iam, Barnaby!
No, you磖e not Barnaby. I磎 Barnaby. I ought to know.
- This is Oxly speaking, Barnaby! - That磗 ridiculous. You can磘 be all three.
- Figure out which one you are and call back. - I磎 coming right down there!
- Coming right down, all three of him. - What will you tell him?
- I won磘 be here. I磛e got things to do. - What?
- Get my hair cut, a new suit, and a new car. - Mr Oxly will be furious. What do I tell him?
- Tell him you don磘 know who he is. - Doctor, I can磘 say that.
- Just keep your Bunsen burning. - But, Doctor...
- Where磗 Dr Fulton? I want to see him. - He just left, Mr Oxly.
- I didn磘 pass him in the hall. - He went through the window.
- What磗 happened to the man? - He took some ofthe formula,
and went out acting almost as though - no, exactly as though he were 20 years old.
20... By George! By George! Do you know where he went?
- Yes, sir. - Hello? Get me...
- Get me Miss Laurel, quick! Where磀 he go? - To buy a new automobile, sir.
- What car does he drive? - A Ford.
Hello, Miss Laurel. Now, listen carefully.
I want you to go to every Ford agency in town, and find Dr Fulton.
But, Mr Oxly, which shall I do first?
He磍l be at the agencies. To find him, you磍l have to go there.
Oh, I see, Mr Oxly.
- And bring him back here! - Yes, sir. Right away.
Well, Doctor, I cut it the way you wanted me to.
- I hope Mrs Fulton likes it. - She will.
- What do you think? - It fits rather well.
But are you sure it磗 what you want?
Well... Tell me, do they ever wear trousers to match?
Oh, very seldom.
Usually grey flannels.
Oh! These socks ought to go well with it.
To be honest, Dr Fulton, I don磘 think either you or Mrs Fulton
are going to be happy with this type of car.
- It isn磘 exactly what you had in mind. - No, you磖e perfectly right.
- Let磗 take offthe fenders. - We can磘. It磗 against the state law.
Oh, it磗 too bad. Well...
Say, you don磘 happen to have a beaver tail around, do you? l...
Hello, Miss Laurel!
Oh, hello, Dr Fulton.
- I磎 so glad I found you. - No, I found you. Pick a finger.
- Dr Fulton! - Oh, you know that one.
- Yes. - Oh, what a pity.
Mr Oxly sent me. He wants to see you right away.
Oh. Well, hop in the bus. I磍l get you there in a hurry.
- Is this your car? - Sure.
- Gee! lt磗 a honey. - Well, it takes one to know one.
Mr Peabody, would you get that suit box out of my old car, please?
- Well, all set? - Is your motor running?
- Is yours? - Here you are, Doctor.
- Oh, thank you. Just mail me the bill. - Certainly.
- Takes a while to warm up. - Does me, too.
Watch your head. I磍l watch everything else.

Oh, Dr Fulton, this is fun. What about Mr Oxly? The plant磗 back that way.
I know. We磖e going to circle the field, so fasten your safety belt, and no smoking.

- Oh, Doctor! - Look and see ifthe flaps are down.

- Well, Doc, she磍l be good as new by five. - Five o碿lock?
Oh, we can do lots of things by then.
- Can磘 we? - Sure, Doc.

- Come along. - Do you skate much now?
Oh, not lately. But don磘 worry, l磍l show you how.
Look out, Doc.
Oh, l磍l get the hang of it soon. I磎 gonna be good, you wait.
Oh, look out! Help!
Doc! That磗 awful high.
Oh, no, not for me. Well, everybody looking at me?
- How about some music? - I磀 love it.
- You sure know how to have a good time. - Yeah.
You know something? I used to think you didn磘 like me.
- Just a minute. - Do you like me a little?
- Well, say so. - I like you.
- I磎 crazy about you, Doc. - Oh, no, no.
- Listen to this.
- Oh, that磗 dull. - Don磘 you dare turn that off!
- That磗 our favourite song. - 创Ours创?
- Yeah. Edwina磗 and mine. - Edwina?
- My wife. - Oh.
Gentlemen songsters off on a spree
- Doomed from... - I must say it sounds like a silly song to me.
- Why mustyou say that? - In my opinion, it磗 a silly song.
Well, in my opinion, your opinion that it磗 a silly song is a silly opinion.

- Is it getting dark? - No, not particularly.
- What磗 the matter? - Must be something wrong with my eyes.
- Is there anything I can do, Doctor? - No, no.
- I just can磘 see very well. - Please don磘 be angry with me.
- Oh, l磎 not angry. I... - Because I wouldn磘...

- Why did you yell?
- Don磘 be mad at me, Doc. - Oh, l磎 not mad.
- Tell me, is the plant along here somewhere? - Yes.
- Would you please tell me where to turn? - Turn right.
- Turn, Doctor, turn! - Now?
- Yes! Turn! Turn! - Which way?
- Doctor! - Are you all right, Miss Laurel?
- I told you to turn. - Yes, I know. I磎 terribly sorry, but...
I磎 afraid I can磘 see.
- Would you park the car for me, please? - Sure I will.
Thank you.
- Hello, Mrs Fulton. - Joe. Is the doctor in his office?
Yes, ma碼m. He磀 gone to sleep, so I didn磘 wake him up.
Oh... Does Mr Oxly know that the doctor磗 come back?
- Yes, ma碼m. He said he磀 be down. - Thank you, Joe.
- Who is it? - It磗 me, darling.
Oh, hello, Edwina. I can磘 see you.
- Where are your glasses? - Let me think. Oh, I left them in the lab.
- Jerome probably put them someplace. - I磍l find them.
Oh, here they are.
Barnaby, are you sure you磖e all right? Here.
- Where? - Here.
- I磎 just a little fuzzy. What time is it? - It磗 almost eight o碿lock.
Oh, no. It磗 that late?
l磛e done it again. We were going out for dinner.
I磛e already had my dinner, but l磛e brought some for you.
- Edwina, l磎 terribly sorry. I wouldn磘 have... - I know you wouldn磘 have, darling.
- Where磀 you get the poodle? - Poodle? Don磘 tell me I bought a poodle.
- The haircut. - Oh, yeah. That. That. Oh, yeah.
- That磗, uh, quite a jacket you bought, too. - Yeah, I know, I know.
- Wait till you see the car I got. - What kind?
You磍l see it soon enough.
You were a real idiot to try the formula. Something could have happened.
- It did. - I mean something serious. Here.
Thank you. Oh!
I strained every muscle in my body. Roller-skating.
- Don磘 tell me you went roller-skating! - I磎 afraid I did.
And your face is breaking out with red blotches.
They磖e not blotches, dear. That磗 lipstick.
- Oh! - Yeah.
Edwina, what I have to tell you is unbelievable.
Yes, it is unbelievable on roller skates. Mm. What balance.
- I wasn磘 on roller skates all afternoon. - Obviously.
No. You磀 never believe what I did. I broke records.
- Huh? - I wish you could have been there.
- I wish I had been, too. - I did things that I never dreamed l磀 do.
You know, I tried the swan dive. I missed.
Well, no wonder you磖e worn out.
Barnaby, all ofthis is very confusing. What about the formula?
- That磗 what I was telling you about. - Oh...
- Oh! - I磍l start at the beginning.
At 11.52 this morning, I took a dose of the formula,
and in a few minutes I began to behave like a college boy,
with 20/20 vision and no bursitis.
- And plenty of lipstick. - The formula had nothing to do with that.
I磍l get to that later.
Edwina, we磛e discovered something
the human race has been searching for since the beginning of time.
- Are you really serious, Barnaby? It works? - Well, it did on me.
Of course, I can磘 explain the reactions. It seems to work on the mind.
Edwina, imagine. People never ageing.
It sounds frightening. You mean it really does that?
Well... Of course, I don磘 know half of what it磍l do.
The dose I took has already worn off. Now, let me see, that was eight hours...
Hm. Probably the dose was wrong.
- We磍l see. - Where are you going?
I磎 going to try the experiment again, but with a larger dose.
Huh? Oh!
Switch on the light, will you, please, dear?
- Must you make another test? - Oh, probably several.
I磎 glad you磖e here to see nothing goes wrong.
I want you to observe and make notes of everything I do.
You磍l be able to interpret the exact meaning of my behaviour pattern.
Don磘 you think you ought to change that coat, and wipe that stuff offyour face?
- Perhaps you磖e right. - By the way, whose lipstick is it?
Oh, uh, whatshername磗 - Oxly磗 secretary.
Oh. You mean that little pin-up girl?
- Very cute. - Sort of. But half infant.
- Not the halfthat磗 visible. - Well, she磗 not my type.
Barnaby, how much ofthis stuff are you going to take?
Just what l磛e poured out there. I磛e increased the dose. In that way l磍l be...
Edwina, what are you doing?
What did you do that for?
This is the way it should be! You磖e the scientist, and you should do the observing.
- But... - Don磘 argue! Get your notebook.
- Oh, it tastes bitter. Get me some water. - Now, really, Edwina. For heaven磗 sake!
Besides, according to your story, you weren磘 exactly 100% scientist after you took it.
- Other things became much more interesting. - Perhaps you磖e right.
Oh! Even the water tastes bitter.
It did to me, too.
Barnaby? l磎 a little bit frightened.
- I磎 here, dear. - It磗 kinda silly, isn磘 it?
I磍l take care ofyou.
I don磘 feel anything. Is it supposed to work right away?
Just a few moments.
Would you clean off your face?
Because if I get ten years younger and see that lipstick,
- I磎 liable to knock somebody磗 block off. - Oh, yes, dear.
Barnaby! ls it true about B-4? l磛e just heard the most fantastic things about you.
- Does it work? - You磍l have a chance to judge for yourself.
My wife just took 50cc of the formula.
Really? By George! By George! Dr Brunner and Miss Laurel are on their way.
They磖e to come in here immediately.
Mrs Fulton, it磗 very kind ofyou to lend yourself to this experiment.
Thank you, Mr Oxly.
Well, we have to watch your reactions, darling.
Yes, I suppose so.
Now I know how a poor little guinea pig must feel.
- May I sit down? - Yes, dear.
Well, don磘just stand there. Do something!
Yes, dear.
Pulse around 150. That磗 the same as mine was.
- No sign of any fever. - Outside of being embarrassed,
I feel exceedingly well.
What reaction do you expect, Barnaby?
I don磘 quite know. I suppose it depends on the individual.
With you it took the form of thinking as though you were 20.
- Keep still, Edwina. - What was Mrs Fulton like at that age?
Well, Edwina was a very serious-minded student.
She majored in economics and took summer courses in ichthyology and cooking.
- Ichthyology? - Mm. The study of fish.
Jerome said your first symptom was your eyes. Your vision became perfect.
That磗 true, but you can磘 count upon that. Edwina磗 vision is already perfect.
It will probably take an entirely different form.
My dear, do you feel anything strange?
Not a thing. How about you, Mr Oxly?
- Oh, but I haven磘 taken anything. - Oh, yes, you have, Mr Oxly.
You hear that, Barnaby? A rather odd reaction.
Undoubtedly we can expect something soon.
- We certainly can. - She磗 sitting very still.
- Is it possible there磗 not enough movement? - Well, there soon will be.
I can hardly wait for the results. This is quite a moment.
That磗 it, Oxly! Watch him, Barnaby! lt磗 working!
Did you hear what she said, Barnaby? lt磗 taking effect.
- Something wrong, Barnaby. - What磗 the matter, sir?
Perhaps the excitement磗 been too much for you. You ought to sit down.
Now, calm yourself, Mr Oxly.
Now, take your time, Mr Oxly.
That磗 better. Take your time and sit down.
- Oh, my! - Oh, my, gimme a piece of pie
Ee, aye, gimme a piece of pie
Uh, I think we ought to go now.
I think we ought to go, yes.
- Barnaby, where are you going? - I磍l be right back, Mr Oxly.
Yes, dear, ye...
- Hi, Dr Fulton. - Hi.
What did you say to her?
- Mrs Fulton, he said 创Hi创. - I heard what he said,
- you peroxide kissing bug! - Edwina! She hasn磘 done anything.
I磍l pull that blond hair out by its black roots!
- Edwina! Miss Laurel, keep out ofthe way. - Put 磂m up!
- Now, stop it! Mr Oxly, l磍l be right back. - Put 磂m up! Put 磂m up!
Wasn磘 that fun? Did you see him jump? I put a fish in his trousers!
- Let磗 go back. - No, Edwina.
Why not? Where are we going? Let磗 go dancing!
- Edwina... - Let磗 go back.
All right, we磍l go dancing. Anything you say.
- Is this our new car? - I磎 afraid it is.
- That磗 super-duper! - You like it?
Why, yes!
Why don磘 you let me drive? Get over there.
I know! We磍l go dancing at the Pickwick Arms.
- Pickwick Arms? - Yeah, in La Jolla. Don磘 you remember?
Of course I remember. Room 304, where we spent our honeymoon.
All that way?
Yeah. We磍l stop by the house and get some things. Won磘 it be fun?
Just to go dancing?
Edwina? l磛e put the bags in the car, and we can keep your coat on the...
Barnaby, do you think this is too conservative?
- Well, l... - What do you think?
- Say something! - Well, l...
I磎 glad you like it. I磍l drive. You磖e too slow.
How do you work this? Oh, yeah. Shift it right back.

Oh, Barney! lt磗 gonna be our honeymoon night all over again.
- With no hands! - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Honeymoon with no hands. Yeah, sure. - Aren磘 you excited?
Yes, of course, dear, but there磗 no hurry about it.
Wouldn磘 you like to slow down so that we can talk?
Who wants to talk?
Edwina, I have to test your reactions.
- Oh, Barney! - Oh, honestly!
It磗 wonderful to have the wind in your hair, and watch the moon, and the stars...
- And the road. - Oh. The road.
- Good evening, sir. - Good evening.
- Would you like to register? - Yes, please.
Do you have a small suite overlooking the ocean?
- Uh... Yes, sir. - Thank you.
- Psst! Psst! - I beg your pardon?
- Psst! - Oh.
- Is room 304 vacant? - Yes.
That磗 the bridal suite, you know.
- Yes, I know. - Psst!
Oh, yes. Could you please leave word that we磖e not to be disturbed?
Yes, sir.
- 304. - Come along, dear.
- Thank you very much. - Yes, indeed.

- Edwina. Edwina, dear. - Honey, listen to that! Let磗 not waste time.
- Let him take the bags on up. - It磗 11 o碿lock. I磛e had a very rough day.
- Oh, Barney! You promised. - Yes... Oh, oh, oh.
Put the keys in the room, bring me the bags, and...

We磖e poor little lambs
Who have lost our way
Barney! Barney, don磘 go to sleep.
- This is our song. - Oh. Yes, dear.
We磖e little black sheep
Who have gone astray
Barney? Every time I hear it, it makes me feel...
Darling, I could never be mad or unhappy when I hear it.
- I just want to be near you. - Yes, dear.
Barney! Waltz, waltz, waltz!
Yes, dear.
- Oh, no!
Oh, come on, Edwina.
Ha-ha! Whee!

Get up, Edwina.

Edwina. Get up, Edwina. Get up.
Help me up.
- Whee! That was fun. Try it. - I wouldn磘 think of it.
Go on! Try it!
- Just... Please, dear. - I know where the key is.
It磗 here. You usually keep it here. Right there. See?
OK. Here we go.
Open the door. Hooray!
Edwina, aren磘 you beginning to feel tired at all?
Not a bit. Why? Do you wanna go someplace?
Oh, no. No, no. I was thinking, you know, I should make a few tests.
- Check your blood pressure and heart... - Oh, Barnaby!
- Not tonight. - Edwina, in making such an experiment,
- it磗 good to make as few... - Barney?
- What? - Are you sure you really love me?
Of course I do. Whatever made you ask such a question?
Well, itjust occurred to me.
Now, does that answer your question?
You know, I love you so much it makes me dizzy.
Really? When did that start?
- The first time I ever met you. - No, no. I mean the dizziness.
I don磘 know. This is our honeymoon night, and that磗 all I care to think about.
Barney? Barney, what are you going to do?
- I磎 just going to put on my pyjamas. - Well, uh...
Uh... Don磘 you think you磀 better change in there?
- What for? - Well, uh...
That磗 all right. I磍l... I磍l take my things in the bathroom.
For heaven磗 sake.
I磍l only be a few minutes.
创Became suddenly shy.创 Better put that down.
15 minutes to change.
Complete reversal of usual behaviour pattern.
Edwina? Edwina, are you all right?
- Yes, darling. I磍l be out in a second. - Oh. Good.
Oh, Barney, l磎 so happy.

What磗 the matter? Why are you crying?
I can磘 help it.
- Well, is it something I said, or did? - No.
Well, what is it, then?
- I was just thinking. - What about?
Oh, Mother. Now I understand.
No, you don磘!
- Well, what is it, then? - I can磘 help thinking
how she must be feeling tonight.
- She never liked you. - Well, she doesn磘 try very hard, either.
- I do everything I can to please her. - How can you be so insensitive?
She had such wonderful dreams for me and my future.
- Well, she can still have them, can磘 she? - No, she can磘. She can磘!
Edwina, we drove down here to enjoy ourselves,
and to pursue an important scientific experiment.
Let磗 not spoil it all by having a silly quarrel about nothing.
- Don磘 you call my mother 创nothing创. - I didn磘 call your mother 创nothing创.
Don磘 you raise your voice to me!
- I磎 not raising my voice! - Hank Entwhistle wouldn磘 fly into a rage
just because a girl happened to mention her mother.
What磗 Hank Entwhistle got to do with anything?
I only mention Hank Entwhistle because my mother was very fond of him.
- He knew how to please her. - There磗 something clinical
about the way you bring up Hank every time you get annoyed with me.
- Do you regret not having married him? - Look who磗 talking!
What about Elvira Bliss?
Elvira Bliss? That was in grammar school.
I know. She was the teacher.
I suppose Myra McKillip was in grammar school, too,
and Miriam lngals, whom you tried to teach to play golf for three years!
- That reminds me. She磗 still got my putter. - And you dare speak of Hank Entwhistle,
who only kissed me once.
He kissed you? That磗 something you never saw fit to tell me before.
- You kissed Hank Entwhistle? - I never said that!
- I said he kissed me. I never kissed him! - You did say exactly that.
- I said nothing ofthe kind! - No, no! Agh!
- My glasses. - You struck me. You struck me!
- No, I didn磘! - You horrible man! You brute!
You get out of my room!
Get out of my room! Get out of my room!
Oh, no, no, no. Edwina, now, stop it. Now, really.
Edwina, this is ridiculous. You know I can磘 see.
Edwina, please! Let me in. Do you realise that l磎 out here in the hall, and l...
Oh, no! Oh, no.
Edwina, something磗 caught in the door. Please, let me in.
- Well, it磗 your own fault. - Please, let me in.
Oh, if there was only some way I could make her understand.
Oh, I know. Edwina?
Edwina, dear, listen to me.
We磖e poor little lambs
Who have lost our way
Baa, baa, baa
Edwina? Edwina?
Edwina. Edwina, please!
Edwina, I can磘 stay out here any longer.
Oh, well.
Oh, you unlocked the door. It磗 about time.
- Now, dear, if you磍l just cooperate, we磍l...
Help! Police! There磗 a man!
Oh, dear. I wish I knew where there was a telephone.
Oh! Perhaps there磗 one in here.
Hm! You磀 think there磀 be a telephone somewhere.
Oh, let me in, Edwina. Let me in.
- The key磗 in the car, ma碼m. - All right. Thank you very much.
- How磗 that, mister? All right? - Yes. Now...
Barnaby! Oh, my poor darling.
- Edwina, is that you? - Darling, l磛e looked everywhere for you.
- What are you doing here? - Getting out of the laundry.
- Laun...? - These ladies were kind enough to help me.
- Thank you very much. I磍l be all right now. - We磖e glad to help.
- Any time at all, mister. - Oh, I hope I don磘 do it again.
- Do you want to go in and change? - Oh, no, no, no. Please, just take me home.
The car磗 right over here.
- How did you get in the laundry? - I don磘 know. I think I flew in.
- Look out for the step. - But I didn磘 have my glasses.
Yes, I know. I stepped on them. Here. You磀 better put this on.
- What for? - Because you might get cold.
That磗 it. There. Now, get in.
- Are you all right? - Yes, thank you, dear. Are you?
Yes. The effects ofthe formula have worn off.
Don磘 talk. Just relax and try to get some sleep, huh?
Yes, dear.
- Darling? - Hm?
- We磖e home. Wake up. - Oh, good, good, good.
- I磍l help you. - I just had a peculiar dream about Hank.
Was that true about you kissing him? Not that it matters.
Darling, l磎 so sor...
Oh, I just remembered. I did something terrible, and I forgot to tell you.
- Hey! - Who磗 that?
- Hold it. - Did you get it?
Dr Fulton, we磖e from the News.
- We磀 like a statement. - What about?
We had a call from your lawyer, Mr Entwhistle.
I wish Hank wouldn磘 give statements to the press about my work.
- Give us the whole story, Doc. - Barney, l...
Darling, I can磘 be impolite. I have nothing to say until l磛e finished all my experiments.
- Is there another woman, Doc? - Oh, no.
My wife has been my only victim so far.
I磍l have a much better story for you when l磛e experimented with 10 or 20 others.
I磎 not going to try it again with human beings. I磍l stick to chimpanzees.
- Is that right? - You磖e talking about two different things.
What happened? Did your wife raid your love nest?
- Don磘 answer that! - Don磘 try to protect him.
- This is good for our side. - What are you doing here?
- Get inside! - Don磘 do that. This is all the story l磛e got.
- That磗 all you磖e going to get, too. - What is the idea of making statements?
- Don磘 pretend you don磘 know the reason. - I tried to tell you...
- You know the reason very well! - It all happened at the hotel last night.
Keep your distance, Fulton! lf you lay a hand on her...
Hank, will you please shut up and go home! Barnaby, l磛e tried to...
- Mother! - Well!
- Oh, no. - Edwina, Hank told me.
- I expected you to be bruised and disfigured. - Mother, you don磘 understand.
- What is everyone talking about? - Stay away from her, you wife beater!
- It isn磘 what you think. It磗 all my fault. - No, Edwina. I won磘...
- Hank, please shut up! - Edwina...
- And you, too, Mother! - As your lawyer...
Hank, you are going. You are just one too many!
- But you told me that... - I know I did.
- What is it you want me to do? - I磍l telephone you. Now, go on.
- Now, listen here, you two... - No! You listen to me.
I won磘 let you throw away the rest of your life.
- Edwina, what磗 been going on? - Barnaby, ifyou磍l...
I knewsomething like this would happen!
- Edwina, will you please tell me... - Quiet!
Mother, l磛e been playing guinea pig for Barnaby, trying a new formula.
And, under its influence, I caused all this mess.
Oh! Oh, you mean you telephoned Hank?
Yes, darling. I did that last night after you left.
- I磎 terribly sorry, but I couldn磘 help it. - I don磘 suppose it was your fault.
Oh, don磘 let him dominate you again! Do something. Do anything, but...
- My... my... my dear mother-in-law. - Yes?
Now, I have not lost my temper with you for seven years.
- Do not trifle with your luck. - Well! Let磗 be civilised about this.
That磗 better. Just mind your business, and shut up!
- Will you drive me to the plant, please? - Right away?
Yeah. I磍l put on some clothes and try to salvage some ofthe wreckage of our lives.
- Well! l... - Mother, I think you磀 better be quiet.
- Hello, Jerome. - Good morning, Mrs Fulton.
- Doctor, I looked everywhere for you... - Later, Jerome.
- I磀 like to have the laboratory to myself. - Oh, yes. Very well, Doctor.
Edwina, my spare glasses are in the top drawer ofthe desk. Would you get them?
Certainly, dear. Here? Oh, yes. Here they are.
Darling, you磖e acting rather stern.
Are you angry at me because of what I did last night?
Edwina, l磛e thought this over very carefully, and l磛e almost come to a conclusion.
I磎 thinking of destroying the formula.
Destroying it? Then you are angry.
Oh, l磛e been in better moods.
Do you think you磀 feel any better if I fixed you some toast and coffee?
Thank you. I磎 starved. The coffee and coffee pot are in there.
- You can use this plug that Jerome uses. - All right.
I磛e decided that the formula is the most dubious discovery since itching powder.
- And just about as useful. - Oh, I wouldn磘 say that.
It cured your bursitis, it improved your vision. It made you feel young.
Hm! l磎 beginning to wonder if being young is all it磗 cracked up to be.
We dream ofyouth. We remember it as a time of nightingales and valentines,
and what are the facts?
Maladjustment, near-idiocy, and a series of low-comedy disasters, that磗 what youth is.
I don磘 see how anyone survives it.
Edwina, tell me something, because it磗 been bothering me.
- Yes, dear? - Why did you want a divorce?
Oh, Barnaby! It wasn磘 me, it was the formula. You ought to understand that.
Oh, I understand it was the formula that brought it out.
- Brought what out? - Some subconscious aversion to me.
Aversion to you?
I love you, you potato-head!
How do I know there磗 no buried resentment that you don磘 consciously realise?
I certainly don磘 consciously realise it,
and I think that磗 pretty rotten ofyou to say that.
What about the way you kept bringing up Hank?
- Do you love him? - Now, that is ridiculous!
- You kissed him, didn磘 you? - You can磘 get it out of your mind, can you?
- No, I can磘. - Well, all right.
Are you in love with this, um, whosits?
- Of course not! - Well, you went smooching with her.
On roller skates. And what was your hidden aversion or subconscious discontent,
or whatever it is you want to call it, that made you go playing patty-cake with her?
Doing a swan dive! Acting like a...
Well, go on.
Oh, Barnaby.
Don磘 say anything, darling, and I won磘, either.
We shouldn磘 be fighting, having doubts about our marriage.
- That isn磘 right. - That磗 just my point.
That磗 why l磎 going to destroy the formula.
Oh, now, really! Are you crying?
Are you sure you want to throw away two years of hard work?
Yes, I am. But it磗 still in my head, unfortunately.
I磎 going to forget it. It磗 too dangerous, it磗 utterly unpredictable.
Please, don磘 use this water. Can磘 you see the sign?
Just use the bottled water out ofthe cooler.
And make plenty of coffee. I need a lot this morning.
That磗 that.
Hello? This is Mr Oxly.
Mr Oxly, Dr Fulton磗 here in the plant. He just came in with Mrs Fulton.
- Are you sure? - Yes, sir.
Well, how is Mrs Fulton? ls she behaving normally?
Well, she didn磘 try to hit me, but she wasn磘 very polite.
- he said that... - Never mind. Listen carefully, Miss Laurel.
I don磘 want them to leave. Have the guards hold 磂m if they try to go, you understand?
And notify the directors that I want to see them in the conference room immediately.
- I磍l be right down. - Yes, sir.
- This is funny-tasting coffee. It磗 bitter. - Yeah, I noticed it.
It磗 not the coffee, it磗 the after effects of the formula.
The formula! What a fool I was to let you take that stuff last night.
Well, you couldn磘 help it. Hey, that磗 your third cup.
I know it. That磗 your second cup, isn磘 it?
- Yes. - Good.
Supposing you磀 taken an overdose.
- Perhaps I did. - No, no, I mean a serious overdose.
You know, it磗 perfectly logical to assume you磀 have behaved even younger.
- Remember Mr Oxly jumping around? - Yeah.
My, l磎 going to be embarrassed when I see him again.
How young do you think it could really make you if you drank a whole glassful?
Oh, I don磘 know.
Twelve... ten... five.
It might even turn you into an infant.
l磎 just imagining you not being able to talk, or feed yourself, or even...
- Could be very embarrassing. - Yeah, couldn磘 it be?
Well, it磗 just about what could happen.

Ta-da! l磍l get it.
Hi! Hey, did you ever find the fish?
What did you do with him? Ha! Yeah, l磎 keen. He磗 here.
It磗 old Oxly.
What磗 on your mind?
Could you and your wife meet me right away?
- We磖e drinking coffee. - I磍lbe in the conference room.
We磍l be right there. Put that back, please. Put that back, please.
Any other orders, sir? Going up?
Good morning, gentlemen. Dr Fulton will be here shortly, so please be seated.
We must act quickly. You all know why you磖e here - to negotiate for his formula.
As far as money goes, I say hang the expense.
But, as chairman, I want to point out that Fulton made his discovery on our time.
I磛e got bad news for you, GJ. We do not have the formula.
- What? - Last night, Dr Lintel...
- Dr Lenton, sir. - Dr Lenton, Dr Fulton磗 assistant,
brought me a dose ofthe formula, and I took it.
I can磘 tell you with what eagerness I awaited the results.
But there were none. No reactions at all.
The formula that Dr Thingumabob brought me is incomplete.
There must be another ingredient he knows nothing about.
Dr Fulton has made no record of it, and nothing in his notes tells us what it is.
- Without it, we are helpless. - Failure to keep complete records
is against every rule of this organisation.
Fulton knows that. He磗 been here ten years!
It may not be intentional. Fulton was not himselfyesterday.
- No, definitely not. - Let磗 hope he磗 himself now.
There is no doubt about it. We are now dealing with a sane and adult scientist,
and I anticipate no difficulties.
- All right, Oliver. Go ahead. It磗 up to you. - I wonder what磗 keeping them.
- Doctor, would you mind taking a look? - Yes, sir.
Oh, Barnaby, Mrs Fulton, come on in.
- Uh... - What磗 the matter?
Now, come on in, Mrs Fulton.
Forget all about last night. I assure you, I have. Come in.
Always experimenting, aren磘 you?
I believe you know everybody here.
Take a seat. Make yourself comfortable.
Mrs Fulton, won磘 you sit over here?
- Do I have to? - No.
I wanna sit here.
All right.
Barnaby, I think I speak for everyone here when I say
I consider you one of the great men of modern science.
I asked you to come here today to discuss the sale ofyour formula.
- Our organisation...
Our organisation is ready to offer you a block of stock,
the income from which is sufficient to keep you and Mrs Fulton... keep you and Mrs Fulton in comfort for the rest of your lives.
Now, the question is, how much cash do you want?
Barnaby, I said how much cash do you want?
How much?
- Oh! - Name any amount.
- A zillion dollars. - How much did he say?
- A zillion dollars. A million trillion. - He磗 taken it again!
- Obviously. - Look here, Fulton.
Your discovery was our property. We don磘 have to give you a cent.
- I wish I had a nickel. - I磍l blackball you out of the industry!
- You磖e talking to a child, GJ. - Don磘 be ridiculous. He磗 no child!
Put 磂m up! Here, give me something.
- Knock that off my shoulder! - When we get mad, we don磘 fight, do we?
- Yes, we do. - They didn磘 teach you that in school.
- Hello, Dr Fulton. - Have you come to play with me?
- No. I came to tell Mr Oxly... - Miss Laurel, I think you磀 better go.
No! I want her to stay and play with me.
If I let her stay, will you tell me the missing ingredient?
- Yes! Yes! - All right, go ahead.
Well! Well... All right. Say 创terrify创.
- Terrify. - Say 创tissue创.
- Tissue. - Say them both fast.
- Terrify tissue. - No!
- How dare you! - Oh, goody, goody!
- Why, Miss Laurel... - Mr Oxly...
- But l... - Don磘 you do that!
You too!
- I did it! I fixed her! I shot her!
- Now you磛e spoiled everything! - See her run? She磗 a scaredy-cat.
Little girl, stop it. Do you hear me? Stop it!
Now, you come over here. You sit in that chair and behave yourself.
- You understand? Behave yourself. - Yes, sir.
- Now, Barnaby...
- Barnaby, where are you? - He磗 under the table.
- Barnaby, what are you doing under there? - Tickling Esther.
- Come on out. I wanna talk to you. - I don磘 think we want to talk any more.
GJ, we磖e dealing with a ten-year-old. We磛e got to humour him.
- Ifyou say so, Oliver. - Come and help me.
Don磘 just stand there!
- Barnaby, I wanna talk to you. - You want to tickle Esther? She likes it.
No, no. How would you like to have a nice gold watch and chain ofyour own?
- Would you like that? - I磛e got one.
- But not like this one. - I don磘 want it.
- Would you like a new bicycle, or a pony? - Yes, how would you like that?
- Oh. What do I have to do for it? - All you have to do
is to tell us what was the ingredient you put in the formula.
Oh... Well, you promised me a zillion dollars. And a nickel.
- We磍l give you a zillion dollars. - And a nickel.
- And a motorboat, and a new pony! - How would you like that?
- When? - As soon as you tell us
- what the ingredient was that you added. - That磗 simple. I just added...
Oh! Now look what you磛e...
- Barnaby! Aren磘 you gonna tell us? - What磀 you wanna write that for?
- Because it磗 true! - It isn磘, and you磖e gonna erase it!
Barnaby! You promised to give me the ingredient.
- You can磘 make me! - Barnaby!
- Head her off! - Barnaby!
- I磍l tell my mother! - Stop her, someone!
- Barnaby can磘 catch me! - Help me catch her!
- Ifwe catch her, will you tell us? - Sure!
- Somebody stop her! Catch her! - Protection!
- What was it? - Heat!
- I heated the mixture to 150 Fahrenheit. - By George, we磛e got it!
- No fair! No fair! - Now l磛e got you!
- Go on, you erase it! - No, I won磘!
- You磖e hurting me! Let go! - You big crybaby! You erase it.
Esther, what are you doing up there? Come down!
- Mr Oxly! They磖e getting away. - Let them go, Dr Lentil.
You heard him. We磛e got what we wanted. That磗 all that matters.
- But, Oxly, we磛e got to be sure... - Don磘 bother me now!
We磖e standing on the brink of a new world, and... What is it?
Mr Oxly, I heated the formula I gave to you last night.
- Get that monkey down! What did you say? - I heated the formula. It didn磘 do any good.
He磗 fooled us again! Well, don磘 stand there!
Go and catch him! Run after him! Get a policeman! Get two policemen!
When are you gonna stop tagging after me?
- When I want to. - Why don磘 you go play with girls?
- Why can磘 I play with you? - Cos I don磘 want you to, that磗 why.
- Barnaby Fulton, I don磘 like you. - Then go away.
I will not, so there.
Then don磘 go away.
I磍l tell my mother!
Here磗 one for your mother.
I磍l tell Hank Entwhistle!
Here磗 two for Hank Entwhistle.
Oh, now, look what you磛e done! l磎 gonna tell Hank Entwhistle!
Hey! Leave that paintbrush here!

He磗 gonna be sorry for what he did.
Very, very sorry.
I磎 gonna call Hank Entwhistle. That磗 what l磍l do.
I磍l call Hank.
- I wanna speak to Hank Entwhistle, please. - You mean Mr Entwhistle?
That磗 what I said.
I磍l show him. I磍l sh...
- Hello? - Hello, Hank?
- This is Edwina. - Oh, hello, Edwina.
- Willyou come over to my house rightaway? - What磗 the matter?
It磗 Barnaby.
He threw a whole bucket of paint all over me.
- What did you do? - I didn磘 do a thing.
- He musthave gone mad.
I don磘 ever wanna see him again!
Are you gonna go through with it this time and really leave him?
Yes, l磎 going to go away, far, far away.
- I磎 gonna go away, and...
Hello? Hello, Edwina? Edwina, what磗 the matter?
Huh? Oh.
I don磘 know. I just suddenly felt very sleepy.
That磗 shock, Edwina. I saw a lot of it in the army.
Lie down and keep warm. It磍l go away in a few minutes, and l磍l be right over.
- Goodbye.
So he磗 coming over here, huh?
- What磍l I do to him?
That磗 what l磍l do! l磍l get my gang and l磍l scalp him!
- Hank Entwhistle!
You wait till you see what I do to him! l磍l scalp him, that磗 what l磎 gonna do.

Big chief! Big chief!
I磍l fix him! l磍l show him!

- Oh, Dr Fulton! - Sh!
I磎 just getting this to scalp a man! Sh!
The things some people think of...
Morning, Mrs Brannigan. Are you gonna be here for a while?
- Another hour or so. - Would you watch Johnny?
- I have to go to the market. - Sure, l磍l watch him for ya.
- I won磘 be long. - All right.
Come on, Johnny. Here we go.
Here. There磗 a nice big yard here to play in.
- You all right? OK.
What do you want us to do with the bad man, Red Eagle?
- Yeah, Red Eagle. Tell us. - First we stop his car, and then capture him.
- Then what do we do with him? - Let磗 tie him to a stake!
- And then burn him! - Yeah, and burn him good!
- That won磘 work. - Who said that?
I did.
Oh, you. Why won磘 it work?
Somebody will stop us the minute we light a fire. They always do.
Yeah, that磗 right. What do you say, Red Eagle?
Well, let磗 tie him to a stake and scalp him! That磗 it!
- You mean for real? - Sure!
Can磘 scalp anybody unless you do a war dance first.
Oh. Well, just a minute. I磍l...
Now, remember that. You two braves...
Can磘 scalp anybody unless you do a war dance first.
- He磗 right, Red Eagle. - Well... We can scalp him, can磘 we?
You have to do a war dance first.
- Do you know a war dance, Red Eagle? - Uh...
That磗 no good. You gotta sing when you do it.
Oh. Oh, you gotta sing.
Well, all right, we磍l sing! You with the drum. Give me a beat.
Like, uh, bom-bom-bom-bom.
You sing. Me wantum wampum
Me wantum wampum
You sing too. You go 创Ug!创
- Me wantum wampum - Ug!
Me wantum wampum
Ugga-ugga-goo-goo ugga-ugga-goo-goo!
- Ugga-ugga-goo-goo! - Me wantum wampum
You go 创A-hi-ho-ho-ho!创
- Me wantum wampum - Scalpum paleface
- Scalpum paleface - Scalpum paleface
Ug! Then you go 创A-hoo-hoo-hoo!创
Darling, speak to me! Say something!
Oh, my darling!
Operator! Operator, get a taxi, will you?
This is 1605 Gilchrist. Send a taxi right away. Emergency. Thank you.
Are you trying to say something?
Well, speak to me.
Barnaby, l磎 your wife. Say something!
Oh, my poor husband. What have you done to yourself?
- Driver, hurry. Please hurry. - Yes, ma碼m.
Right this way, mister.
- Hello, kids. - Hi.
Well... Why did Mrs Fulton say to meet her here?
- She didn磘 say. - Was Mr Fulton there?
- I mean at the house. - He coulda been.
Oh, that磗 the reason. I see it now.
Mister, will you play with us?
We need a nice tall man to play maypole.
- I磎 sorry, but I haven磘 time now. - Don磘 you like children?
- Of course I like children. - Why are you mean to 磂m, then?
- I磎 not mean to them. - Don磘 you wanna make us happy?
- Of course I do. - Then play maypole.
I磍l play maypole with you ifyou go tell Mrs Fulton l磎 here.
- OK. - You磖e very nice to play maypole with us.
Now, you step right back here against this tree,
- and hold this up real high. - All right.
That磗 fine. Come on!
- I thought you were gonna tell Mrs Fulton. - Can磘 I watch for a minute?
No, you promised you磀 do it if I play maypole.
- What was it I promised to tell her? - You磀 tell her that l磎 here.
Now, why don磘 you... Wait a minute. You磖e getting this too tight. I can磘 move.
You can come out now, Red Eagle.
Wah! Ha-ha-ha!
Whoo-hoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Fulton, have you gone stark raving out ofyour mind?!
Mrs Fulton, I have a message for you.
- Mr Oxly wants to see you. - Yes, and I want to see him, too.
Oh, Miss Laurel... Oh, for goodness sake!
Mr Oxly? Mr Oxly?
You磛e got to do something about Barnaby right away.
There, there, little girl. Don磘 get excited. Would you like some lemonade?
Mr Oxly, the formula磗 worn off. I磎 not a little girl any longer. It磗 Barnaby l磎 talking about.
- Well, what is he up to now? - You磛e got to bring him back.
I磎 trying to bring him back. I磛e got everyone trying to find him.
- Do you know where he is? - He磗 right here in my arms.
Now, don磘 cry. Remember, you磖e the wife of a great scientist.
Oh, poor Barnaby! He was so brilliant. Now look at him!
- It磗 a pretty baby. Is it yours? - Of course he is.
- I didn磘 know you had a child. - Mr Oxly,
- this is Barnaby! - What?!
I磛e been trying to tell you! This is my husband.
You mean the formula磗 gone too far and this is the result?
- I can磘 believe it! - Well, you磛e got to do something about it.
By George! By George!
- Oxly speaking. - Yes, Oliver?
Prepare yourselffor a shock, GJ.
Dr Fulton磗 formula has backfired and turned him into a baby.
- A complete idiot, huh? - No, not an idiot, a baby.
- An infant, two feet tall. - Don磘 talk rubbish, Oliver!
- I磎 not talking rubbish. I can see, can磘 l? - I wonder.
We磛e got to find an antidote, and we can磘 until we know what was in the formula.
- Get the truth out ofFulton any way you can. - Well, come on in here and help me.
- All right, now we磛e got to find out... - Sh! Mr Oxly, he磗 trying to say something.
What are you trying to say, darling? Well, go ahead, tell me.
- Please try. - Let me talk to him.
Barnaby, l磎 going to speak to you very slowly so as not to confuse you.
We磖e going to do everything we can to help you, but you磛e got to help, too.
- You understand? - Barnaby, please listen.
- Try hard. - This might help. Listen.

He remembers!
He wouldn磘 take it before, and now he will.
Barnaby, we can磘 find the antidote until we know the real formula.
- Don磘 frighten him. - I didn磘 frighten him.
He磗 being evasive again.
Barnaby, you lied to us about the missing ingredient. Now, what is it?
Oh, Mr Oxly! He can磘 talk!
Well, what are we going to do? We can磘 wait until he grows up. I磍l be dead!
Yes, and when he磗 20, think how old l磍l be.
- Is that the brat you were talking about? - Yes, GJ. This is Dr Fulton.
Don磘 you call my husband names!
What are you trying to put over on Oxly Chemicals?
Stop talking like a fool! I came here for help. Jerome, you were my husband磗 colleague.
- Can磘 you find an antidote? - I warned him.
- It proves there are no boundaries to science. - Nonsense!
- That磗 no more Barnaby Fulton than I am! - I ought to know my own husband!
Now look what you磛e done! You磛e made him cry! That磗 all right, darling. Don磘 cry.
- He磗 probably tired and sleepy. - Yes... Sleepy?
- That磗 a sign that the formula磗 wearing off. - Sleep might bring him back to normalcy?
- It did before. - Oh, bosh!
- Where are you taking him? - To his laboratory,
so that he can take a nap on his couch, where he磍l feel at home.
Hey, look!
Oh, jiggers! lt磗 the cops!
- Mr Oxly, this is all... - Sh!
- This is all I could find. - Give it to Mrs Fulton.
Mrs Fulton, will this do?
Yes, thank you.
Oh, he磗 cute!
Miss Laurel! Keep your hands off of him, please!
- I wasn磘... - He磗 defenceless.
I can磘 have you touch him. He磗 got to get some sleep.
Yes, ma碼m.
- He doesn磘 seem sleepy now. - Perhaps we should take a blood chem...
Please! Will you please be quiet and give him a chance!
Yesterday when he took the formula he had to sleep before he became normal.
And he磗 got to sleep, Mr Oxly.
- Sometimes I try counting sheep. - Well, I hardly think he...
Oh! I know what might do it.
Now, listen, Barnaby.
We磖e poor little lambs
Who have lost our way
- Baa, baa, baa
- Silly song. - We磖e little black sheep
Who have gone astray
Baa, baa, baa

By George, this waiting certainly takes it out of a man. I need something.
- Got a drink around here, Doctor? - Mr Oxly, I don磘 drink.
I didn磘 ask that. I asked if you had a drink here.
- Well, for medicinal purposes... - Just get it.
- Good idea, Oliver. - I磍l get glasses.
- I磍l get some water. - Yes, I like a little water with mine.
- Will you have a drink, Mrs Fulton? - No, thank you.
A drink comes in pretty handy sometimes. Water, GJ?
Please. Thanks.
- Well, here磗 how. - Here we go.
- Tastes kind of bitter, doesn磘 it? - Yes, strange.
- Get rid ofthat before anyone else drinks it. - I磍l give you a hand.
There磗 no excuse for having water like that.
See that that cooler磗 cleaned out before it磗 used again.
Well, who are you? Oh, I don磘 care. Just move over, there磗 a good fella.
Oh, l磎 so sleepy.
- Wah. - Please, no familiarity.
Just... just go to sleep.

Oh, Barnaby, darling!
Hm? Oh. Edwina?
I thought l磀 lost you.
And now there are two ofyou.
What do you mean, two of me? I can磘 see. My glasses, you know.
Oh, your glasses... Here they are, dear.
Oh, darling, are you all right?
- Yes, thank you, l磎 all right. - Here.
- Who is this? - I don磘 know. I thought it was you.
- What do you mean, you thought it was me? - I carried you in here when you were a baby.
- Oh, that磗 impossible. - Don磘 you remember anything?
Sure. The last thing l... I was scalping Hank Entwhistle.
- Oh, Barnaby!
- What磗 that? - I don磘 know.
- You磀 better take this. - Yes.
Come on, my sweetheart.
You know, we ought to find out who that is.
Yes, indeed. We must.
- Dr Fulton! l磎 so glad.
- What磗 going on? - They磛e taken it. It was in the water.
- What do you mean? - The monkey mixed it.
- I磍l get ya!
Look! I can make a monkey out of Rudolph!
I磍l get you back!
No fair using hot water!
Hello, Barnaby! How are you, old boy? I knew you磀 pull out of it.
Here磗 a contract for you, signed, sealed and delivered. You磖e a genius, old boy!
I磎 gonna get even with you!
You磛e got a fire hose there! What磗 the idea?
Oh, Miss Laurel! Come on in! Join the party!
- Come on in!
There he is! There磗 the man that did it to me!
Mr Oxly, don磘 splash me!
- Barnaby, can you hear me? - Yes, dear.
- I磛e been thinking. - Ha! l磎 just beginning to.
I was wondering, if I had my choice of living these last three days over again,
- what l磀 say. - Let磗 hear it. That磀 interest me.
Well, we磛e got a new contract, we磛e had a lot of excitement,
now we磖e going out on the town tonight, just the two of us.
- That磗 funny. I can磘 hear you. - Oh, I didn磘 say anything.
- I was just thinking. Thinking about you. - Care to elaborate on that?
About your not being disappointed when you found out Esther invented the formula.
Your suspenders would look better up.
Imagine, the secret ofyouth locked up in the head of a monkey.
- Think you磍l ever find out how to make it? - I don磘 know. Esther磗 working awfully hard.
Darling, why weren磘 you disappointed?
- Well, l磛e got a new formula. - If you start that again, so help me, l磍l...
Oh, I like that dress. Yes!
- Oh, you do? - Uh-huh.
All right, what磗 the new formula?
Well, it doesn磘 come in packages or bottles.
You磖e old only when you forget you磖e young.
- Go on, say some more. - It磗 a word you keep in your heart,
a light you have in your eyes, someone you hold in your arms.
My, l磎 glad l磎 going out with you tonight.
Come here.
- Do you like my formula? - Mm.
Makes you think, doesn磘 it?
I could do with a lot ofthat.
What time did you order the table?
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Money Money Money (Claude Lelouch 1972) CD1
Money Money Money (Claude Lelouch 1972) CD2
Monkeybone - Special Edition
Monsters Ball
Monsters and Cie
Monthy Python - Life Of Brian
Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl
Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl 1982
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Monty Pythons Life of Brian
Monty Pythons The Meaning of Life
Monty Pythons and the Meaning of Life
Moon Child 2003 CD1
Moon Child 2003 CD2
Moon Spinners CD1
Moon Spinners CD2
Moonfleet 1955
Moonlight Whispers 1999
Moscow Does Not Believe In Tears CD1
Moscow Does Not Believe In Tears CD2
Mosquito Coast The CD1
Mosquito Coast The CD2
Most Terrible Time In My Life The (1994)
Mostly Martha
Mother India 1957 CD1
Mother India 1957 CD2
Mother Kusters Goes To Heaven 1975
Mother Night 1996
Mother The 2003 CD1
Mother The 2003 CD2
Mothman Prophecies The
Moulin Rouge CD1
Moulin Rouge CD2
Mouse Hunt
Mrs Doubtfire
Mrtav Ladan
Muhammad - Legacy Of A Prophet CD1 2002
Muhammad - Legacy Of A Prophet CD2 2002
Mujer mas fea del mundo La
Mummy Returns The - Collectors Edition (Widescreen)
Mummy The - Full-Screen Collectors Edition
Muppet Christmas Carol The
Murder By Numbers
Murder In The First 1995
Murder Most Foul (1964)
Murder My Sweet 1944
Murder at the Gallop
Muriels Wedding
Musketeer The
My Babys Daddy
My Beautiful Laundrette
My Big Fat Greek Wedding
My Boss My Hero
My Bosss Daughter 2003
My Girlfriends Boyfriend (Eric Rohmer 1987)
My Life as a Dog 1985
My Life to Live
My Neighbors the Yamadas (Isao Takahata 1999) CD1
My Neighbors the Yamadas (Isao Takahata 1999) CD2
My Son the Fanatic
My Tutor Friend (2003) CD1
My Tutor Friend (2003) CD2
My Wife Is A Gangster 2
My Wife Is Gangster
Mystery Of Rampo