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Naken 2000

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not a film by l NG MAR BERG MAN
without LENA EN DRE
and absolutely not with SAM U EL FRÖLER
and for the first time on a big screen in Sweden - VlCTORlA Sl LVSTEDT
This very night in a street in Stockholm .
lcan `tget out.
Anders? !
Our hero AN DERS is going to marry Maria tomorrow.
He tries to be as smart as the guys at work, but he`s more of a flop.
Lift him up.
Hell , he`s as heavy as lead ! Help me. . .
The evil guy Pl ERRE wants Maria, too.
But not only for love, mainly for her father`s money.
-Turn on the light. -Three or four hours will do. . .
Fucking complicated to undress this guy!
And the watch . . .
More, more, more!
Shit, you do that. . .
Get him into the elevator.
Just give me two seconds - wait outside. . .
-lsn`t it a bit too hard on him? -Hell , no! What do you mean?
-Each for all . . . -. . .and all for each !
Two years earlier. Ander`s bachelor`s den .
Guess what! Maria, at my job, the manager`s daughter. . .
Do you know with whom she`s having dinner tonight?
No? With me, Anders Karlsson ! Tell me what to do, how to dress!
Bring flowers, it always pays. . .
Our friend MATTE, the only guy who doesn`t work in an advertising agency.
He`s got a decent job.
Good luck! Bye!
"Goodluck... "lneededthat! Here l was with mybunch...
My ex-girlfriendleftme twoyears ago. Shit, lgotto have a crap.
Lookinto her eyes. Notthere, andnotherass...
-How sweet of you to bring flowers! -Well , yeah . . .
-Some roses and stuff. . . -Gorgeous!
Don`t mind the mess. l`m redecorating . Come on in !
l`m preparing some food , put on some music. . .
Oh , yeah ! A guitar-solo!
``Yngwie Malmsteen !`` Yeah ! Anders Karlsson !
Heavy metal? ! That`s my little brother`s records.
Yeah . . . My brother`s got them , too.
lfshe asks me aboutmybrother, he `s away.
Good drink. What is it?
lt`s a. . .gin and tonic.
Yeah , that`s what l thought, but. . .
You know. . . l need to. . .go to. . .
-lt`s in the hall , behind the drapery. -The drapery?
lt`s okay, l`m just going to. . .wash my hands.
lt was a drapery.
lsuppose there `s a... No, there isn `t.
l`lljust wait...
No, l won `t!
There `s always room fora friend...
The party for the bride-to-be Friday, 6 June (yesterday)
Here`s to Maria and Anders!
The bride MARlA was fed up with superficial persons-
-and fell in love with Anders, or is it just maternal affection?
The most improbable couple according to me!
Anders got good sides, too.
His ``back side``. . .
-Love is blind . -Taste is like dicks - different!
-l wonder how it turned out. Pierre. . . -Pierre told me they planned . . . sabotage his car, kidnap him. -Boring!
-How old are they? 1 3 or 30? -Five!
The bridesmaid PERN l LLA lives with Pierre who treats her like shit.
She`s waiting for an opportunity to give back.
The advertising agency Märtelbom & Co-
-owned by Maria`s father KG .
Morning , Helen ! - Morning , Andreas! Evertyhing`s okay? Any mail?
Pierre! Aren`t you going to play jokes on Anders today?
Hell, who `s that?
-At Anders` and Maria`s place. -lt`s mom. Areyou awake?
-Sure, it`s eight o`clock! -How are you today? Before D-Day!
Underpants... Forgotten to wash outagain?
Maria slept at Vivianne`s and KG`s place.
Sleep well , sweetheart!
-Trying the weddingdress on . . . -Samantha Fox!
Vivianne! Just as beautiful as ever! Like mother like child .
-You`re too late for both . -There!
-Did you invite dad? -Oh là là! Victoria `s Secrets...
He`s an alcoholic!
He "dbe so happy! You know he `s having such a hardtime.
Darth Vaderat Luke Skywalker`s Wedding, quite unlikely...
l could call him .
l won `thave him destroying my wedding!
Don`t invite him ! You hear me! l`ve got to go to work now. Bye!
Bye! Give my love to Maria.
-Don`t be too hard on Anders. -No.
lmetMaria twoyears ago.
-A flattire?! -Shit!
-Allfour! -Shit!
Andtomorrowl`mgetting married! Do lreallly wantthat?Andbabies?
-How many spare tires do you have? -Little RedRiding Hood!
On your way to work. . .? Get in and l`ll drive you there.
The wet dream ROSlTA is just an ordinary girl-
-who studies, feeds her cat, and works on the side.
Maria, this is Rosita. She`llbe ournanny-
-andlearn our children howto read andcountand... clean the windows.
Do you think they love each other? ls Anders` love for Maria real?
Anders isyoung, itis true, andinexperienced-
-butjustgive him a fewyears and he`llbe agreatassetto the firm.
Love is no investment, KG.
Don `tsaythat. You`re mybestinvestment.
Ofcourse llove Maria, but here lam allalone in the woods.
She `s a beauty, she `s nice.
-You thought you were in heaven . -What are you doing here?
He bought it! He bought it!
Stag-party, stag-party!
-Panties! -Lay off!
Anders, honey. . .
-l`d never have guessed ! -What the fuck is this? !
Hell , it wasn`t. . .
-Hello. -Hi .
l`ve come to work. A stag-party for. . .Anders.
Well , they`re not here yet. Watch this!
Sorry, ladies, but you`ve got to hurry up.
There`s a bunch of guys coming , and you wouldn`t like to see them .
Of course we`ll check them out. Maria`s last chance!
Gimme a man !
We hired him for you , sex with Anders is probably not too exciting .
You`d never imagine!
-Now watch , you fag ! -He`s no fag , he`s getting married !
Maybe he isn`t a fag yet, but it`s not too late. . .
-l`m gonna take you for a ride, baby. -What kind of ride?
-lsn`t it a bit too cruel? -His own choice to get married , so. . .
You`re gonna get something you`ll never forget.
-Bye, Anders! Good luck! -Bye, now leave us alone!
Aston Villa-United. Definitelya draw.
l`ll give you a full massage. l haven`t had a man for so long .
Neitherhave l.
Give him the kiss of life, john-john , he seems to like you .
Ru Paul?
Surprise! Surprise!
How nice!
We`ve got summer, sun and droppings in the field
Maria`s lying there with Anders ready to yield
God , what a ridiculous song !
Here, listen to this.
``Finally, l`d like to tell you , Worried , that the size is of no importance.``
Well . . .
``Be honest to yourself, there`s no hinder for love.``
``One inch is enough for carrying out an act of sexual intercourse.``
``Love, Dr. Ruth .``
Ruth? Never! A guy wrote that!
Pierre is worried , so l tell him that he`s got more than the average guy.
-l lie too, sometimes. -l`d appreciate another two inches!
And a thicker one. . .
No, l don`t need to worry. Look at this!
l have proof for that!
-Anders, please, inviteyourfather! -No, mom ! He`s an alcoholic!
-Are you drunk? -No, l`m not drunk, mom .
Out with the wine! ln with the booze!
-Not that much ! -Why not?
-Anders and l agreed to take it easy. -And you believe that?
Pierre promised they`d take it easy.
No, he won`t get that pissed . No!
Take my word for it. We won`t hit the booze.
-Take that and party. -Hey, guys, guys, guys!
The real babes are here!
-What if l don`t want to get married? -lsn`t it a bit too late for regrets?
-Just joking . . . -l have to pee!
Where`s my bag? Maybe l left it at the Jacuzzi .
l`ll take a taxi . l hope it`s still open . l`ve got all my things in my bag .
Hell , l`m sloshed !
-Hi . -Hi ! Back already?
-Did you miss me? -Sorry, l`m just looking for my bag .
Try in there, but there`s a stag-party so be careful . l wouldn`t go in . . .
No, take my word for it.
-Hi , did you find it? How are you? -What are you doing?
-When the bottle stops. . . -Who shagged a girl? Raise your hand !
-Yeah , great! -You`ve done that?
No, wait! Who`s been in bed with someone famous?
-Björn Borg ! -Okay, never mind . Listen . . .
-lt`s true! l had to have an abortion ! -Great, Lotta.
lf she had sex with anyone who`s now dating another one of us today. . .
And if so, with whom? Do you understand the question?
-Yes, make it spin . -Nobody moves.
-Let`s hear it! -No, l got to leave now.
No, once you`ve started , you can`t back out.
-ls it that important? -lt`s a matter of life and death .
Pl ERRE? !
l`m so sorry l haven`t told you .
Hey, guys, l propose a toast. Here`s to Anders!
Listen ! Tonight`s the last chance for Anders to get some meat.
-Matte will see to that he gets it! -Fried meat!
l`d like to say a few words because l think you`ve been great to me.
-We`ll keep in touch . -Okay, bye!
-Bye, honey. l`m so sorry. -Forget it, it was so long ago.
-Do you really mean it? -Yes. Bye.
-See you tomorrow. -Bye!
Lotta`s so funny. Did she really have an abortion?
-You`re coming up? -To the guys? No thanks. Are you?
-Okay. Where is Pierre? -Pierre. . .
-Maybe he`s in the apartment. -Pierre. . .
-Didn`t he leave with the fag? -He drove the strippers home.
-Look in the apartment. -You boozeheads!
Dancing ! Can you feel my guitar playing?
-Anders! Where is Pierre? -l don`t know. l haven`t seen him .
l`m getting married !
Don`t stand here. You`re freezing cold .
l`m sorry l didn`t tell you .
Give me a hug !
lt was so long ago.
Mom `s little crow wentfora row
Slidedhere, slidedthere
Aston Villa - away win, sure!
lt was so long ago, so long ago, so long ago, so long ago...
-What. . .? -Hush up.
-Our little girl is now a grown-up! -Yes.
-Are you getting married tomorrow? -Well , l think so.
Now, let`sgo to bed. We `vegota lotto do tomorrow.
-Good night, sweetheart! -Nighty-night!
Dream about Anders all night long !
Cosmos and all the things together. . .
What the hell , guys! What are you doing? Let`s party!
Come on !
He`s here. . .
Hush up! Keep quiet!
So, here you are, you deserter!
Yes, well . . .
l had a nap while waiting for you . The others were getting so gaga.
- The daybefore the wedding! -Come on ! Get going !
l"dbetternottellMaria! Andit wasn `t overyet...
Come on , let`s drink!
See you in church !
D-Day. Saturday 7 June (today) .
-You married in green plush , right? -Purple! lt was called Mah-Jong .
-lt was 1 974, you were in my belly. -Great!
Yes, and dad was dressed in a green corduroysuit. lt`s hard to believe.
-lt wasgreatyesterday. -What happened and where`s Anders?
-Happened?! You were there! -Where did you go when l turned in .
- You`ve triedtophone him? -All day long !
- You haven `tseen him? -No.
l`m worried. A daylike this nothing mustgo wrong. Let`s meetat 12.30.
-Relax, it`llbe okay. -Bye.
l`ve got a fucking head-ache.
Take an aspirin ! Anders and Maria are getting married today.
-lf Anders is there on time. -Why wouldn`t he be?
You don`t want to be late for your best friend`s marriage, right?
My best friend that you`ve been shagging !
Now what`s this, my little idiot? lt happened so many years ago.
You`re so considerate! What about the strippers yesterday?
Well , l suppose l wanted to. . .
. . .shag something with a stroke of intelligence for a change.
Then you might understand why l screwed Anders last night.
What did you do?
-Cut it out! -Don`t you see what you`ve done?
You`ve screwed your best friend`s. . . Sorry! Not ``screwed``. . .
Maybe you ``made love``. . . with your best friend`s fiance.
The day before her marriage! What will Maria say?
-What do you mean ``say``? -Yeah , what will she say?
-You wouldn`t dare. . . -Not me.
l`m not involved in this. You must tell her.
ls it the police? Good .
There`s a drug addict sleeping in our elevator - all naked .
25-55, come in .
This is 25-55.
Hi , we`ve got a naked junkie at Apple Road 1 1 1 . Can you take that?
There l was...nakedandalone.
... elevator!
-Let go! lt`s my sandwich . -Didyou sayApple Road 111?
Hello! The Police Commander Center. This is 25-55.
-Was itApple Road 111? -Hello?
Now, what`s this? Atseven thirtyin the morning...
Sparselyfurnished... nice colors, yellowandblack.
Learn to crawl, learn to walk Learn to love AlK!
The elevator!
-Hello. . .hi . . . -Hi , mate.
l`ve neverseen thatguybefore.
Hi, myname is Anders.
l"dlike to borrowsome clothes. l`mgetting marriedtoday.
Whileyou`regetting the clothes, mayluse the bathroom?
Hi , l was wondering if l could use your. . .phone.
And the bathroom , if that`s okay.
-No, just get out of here. -Please. . .
"Get out ofhere?"
Hi !
l was wondering . . .
Relax, justmingle...
-Hi , l`ve got no clothes. -And you`d like to borrow mine?
Well , no, l`m getting married today and that`s why. . .
-Poor bride! -Let me buy your shirt.
Frankly, l don`t take American Express.
l`m not poor. l`ll pay you tomorrow.
lneedtogo to the bathroom. l`mgetting marriedin fourhours.
Hello, l`m with Jehovah `s witnesses. l`m on my own todayand...
Maybeyou"dgive a contribution for the benefit ofthe...nakedchildren.
Jesus loves allthe children allthe children on our earth
Oh, when the saintsgo marching in Come on, baby, bite my wire
Anders Karlsson sees the danger anddribbles through the defence-
-meets thegoalie, Thomas Ravelli is shaking, looking like a cheese...
ls it nice?
-Adam ! -Yes.
-Did you call? -Yes, have you found him?
-The. . .drug addict in the elevator. -What drug addict?
He was lying there naked when l came with my dog .
Can you describe him?
Remember how messy you were, when we were getting married?
-l was just a bit confused . -Dad , you always are.
Nowljusthave togetsome clothes andbrush myhair...
Slowly walk up andsay "yes"to thepriest.
-l`m so hungry! -For what?
"The fleet!"Hell!
AlK-Djurgården, 5-0 atRåsunda Stadium 1978, on mybirthday.
Let`s adjustto the environment, calm down, pass the defence...
Oh, no... Okay, take thejacket! Yeah, take them all!
Andthe car, yes... l won `tneedit. lgladlly walk aroundlike this.
Thank, God! Thanks!
We `ve lookedeverywhere, tell the ladythere `s nothing to worryabout.
"AlK. "An AlKsupporter! A realman. lhope he `s athome.
AlKsupporters are honestpeople.
-Hi , there. - The Djurgården-team!
-My name is Anders Karlsson . -On my birthday! Please, come in !
-Where are you going , my friend? -DefinitelyDjurgården!
-Ouch ! Djurgården Cocksuckers. -Boys! Boys!
lt`s eleven o`clock. The wedding is in two hours.
Ten? Eleven?! ls my watch slow? Step on it!
l`vegotto take outmy dog again.
There`s nobody in the elevator now.
Was he aggressive?
Cops!Sneaks along the outer edge, disperses defence, passesgoalie...
Gottogetthe tim... He mightknow.
Hi ! Do you know what time it is?
Thirty-nine, you fucking homogay!
``Homogay? !`` l don`t remember anything , so. . .
By the way. . .``homogay``? lsn`t that a tautology?
1 00 000 on a single ticket! Soccer, beer and babes!
-Okay, give me some money! -No, then everyone will want money!
-But l`m getting married today. -No, no, no!
``No?`` What do you know. . .? - Stop the bus!
lmustn `tlook desperate.
Stop, l need to come with you !
-Whoopie Goldberg! -Drive on ! Burn some rubber!
Turn around , drive to Sånga church . l`m getting married in about an hour.
-Hell , l`m going out tonight. -Can`t you change clothes for once?
Of course. But l`m smelling of fucking fish !
lt`s green . Step on it! Where are you going? l`m in a hurry!
Watch out!
1 9-1 0 to 70, come in ! A naked man stole a car, probably the same man .
Fucking Norwegian car. Don `tmention the war.
Go camping on a holiday... No way!
Camping is forNorwegians andkids...
-Hi , l need some clothes. -What? No. . .
-Please! -No!
-You`re naked ! Get out of here! -l`ve got something important to do.
Get out! Go away! Get lost!
-There you are! -Hi !
You`re gorgeous!
-l have to tell you something . -Thanks for yesterday.
-Thanks. . . -Well , it was yesterday that. . .
-Hi . -Matte!
-What were you saying? -lt can wait.
Fashionablepeople are always late. Noproblem. Justkeep it up!
-Evertyhing`s okay? -Yes. No!
-l`d like this jacket in size 42. -Just a minute, l`ll check. Wait here.
Hey, what are you doing? - Stop the thief!
Where do you think you`ll end up?
Justbe a nice horse now. No, notthere!
Take it easy!
Where the hell is he?
Take it easy!Don `t come any closer.
-Hi ! What do you want? -Why did you drive me here?
-l`m getting married today. -You don`t say! When?
Right now! One o`clock! l`m late for my wedding and l don`t want to be!
Why don`t you call them? Come on , we`ll phone at my place. No problem .
``l`m going to my wedding . My wedding at one o`clock.``
-l can`t reach any of them . -l can`t drive you , l must milk.
But l`ve got something in the barn , that`ll come in handy.
l do apologize, l`m so sorry.
What could`ve happened?
How are you , Maria?
What can we do?
Where did he go?
-Shouldn`t we tell Maria? -lt`s not our fault!
lf he can`t hold it, he shouldn`t drink.
-He`ll turn up, right? -Yes.
Good old Anders!
He`ll thank us for saving him from the wedlock`s fucking irons.
l`m surprised at Anders.
He`s like that at work, too - always giving all the shit to the others. . .
Al K, Al K, Al K!
-l support Al K, too. -What`s this? Where did you get this?
-l`m getting married . That`s why. . . -He nicked all of it!
A wog , too?
-He dyed his hair! -l`m Swedish , for sure!
-This seat is for disabled people. -Are you disabled?
You`re getting off!
Once l wantedto be a cop. They`re luckylturnedto advertising.
Maria! Maria!
Five ants are more than one elephant.
-Great! Hi . Anders Karlsson . -Ernie. . .
-Hell , what a day! -You`re not the only one.
l ended up in an animal transportation and l missed my wedding .
Berra didn`t turn up, this is my second spell .
Great, thanks!
Hi, you`re atAdam `s, Vivianne `s and KG`splace. We can `ttakeyour call-
-butyou can sayyourname afterthe tone. Bye bye!
Hello. Who`s there?
Anders, there `s nothing left. ldeserve something better.
lt`s over. Whatremains is a regretat, ora longing for...
ljust don `trecognizeyou. ltmakes me confused andangry.
You shouldunderstand l was serious. How comeyou didn `tsee that?Maria.
lthoughtljustlivedmy worst day, butl was all wrong.
A fucking head-ache is killing me!
l"dsaya dejà-vu!
l wenthome lastnight...
-Hi ! -Hello.
lt`s me, Anders, from yester. . .
l`m sorry about yesterday. l`m not like that.
l`m lucky you`re still here. You can`t imagine what l . . .
-l don`t know what you`re on about. -We met yesterday.
-l`m Anders Karlsson . -l`ve never seen you before.
Stupid Swede! Faggot!
No, no, no! You get out of here!
l`ll piss through your mailbox!
He can `tpossiblyhave forgotten me.
-Hey, you , help me! -lprobablytook some serious stuff!
l need you ! Please, help me!
-You`re so cute together. -l`ve never seen this guy before.
You and l met yesterday, right?
What the hell are you doing? l had my chances there.
A super dejà-vu!
lt`s the Djurgården supporter upstairs...
He trappedme again. l won `ttake itanymore.
-Hi . . . -Hi , there.
Hi , my name is Anders Karlsson . l woke up in the elevator, naked .
Yesterday and today. l followed the tracks here.
On my birthday and evertyhing . Come on in !
ls it your birthday today, too? What day is it?
Saturday. - Boys, come and see! l`ve had a present.
This is what l`ve dreamt of.
-Wait! What date is it? -Saturday, 7 June.
-See what l`ve got! -Wasn`t l here yesterday?
Unfortunately not, but there`s always a first time, right?
Get him !
The wedding is in two hours.
Ten, eleven...
lt is Saturday.
What didhe callme? "Homogay. "
Hello, what a nice bucket! May l have a look?
You little brat, just wait...
Great! How much does a little guy like you get from daddy every week?
-25 crowns. -l don`t believe you . Show me!
-And when will you have children? -Pretty soon , l think.
Anders simplyadores children!
Oh, yeah!
Thumb, forefinger, middle finger...
1 00 000 on a single ticket! Soccer, beer and babes!
-Okay, give me some money! -No, then l`ll have everyone after me!
l know, but l`m going to. . . l think l`m getting married . Give me. . .
-Yes! -No!
Why not? Don`t be so fucking greedy!
Ring finger, little finger... lstillgotsome brains!
-Butit`s Saturdayagain.... -You , stop! You hear?
1 9-1 0 to 70, come in ! A naked man has stolen a car.
For you !
A, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l, m, n, o, p, q, r, s, t, u, v, x, y, z, å, ä, ö.
Well, lstillknowthat, too.
Get the thief!
-The car? -Stop him !
-Someone took the car! -Stop the thief!
No one knewit was Whoopi`s car! ljustborrowedit. lhate thieves!
-Jump! -Shut up! That`s what l`m doing !
A ticket to Sånga Church , please.
Seven fare stages, that`s 49 crowns.
25 crowns.
That`s expensive. l`m just getting over the bridge.
Two then , 1 4 crowns.
l`ll ting-a-ling on the bridge. . .
What the fuck!
-You were getting off, right? -Well , l don`t know. . .
Off the bus, right? Do you want some help?
lt was just a joke.
-Just a joke! -Speedup a bit!
48 000 crowns!
-Fucking amateurs! -Kiss myass!
Hold it! l said ``hold it``. . .
Thanks, l`ll take that.
A police in the middle ofthe street couldbe ofgreathelp to myfeet
-Nowthere`llbe a wedding! -Hi , guys! Can you give me a lift?
-Where do you live? -ln Stockholm .
Wrong direction , but get in !
Put the siren on and step on it!
Cool ! l`m going to Sånga Church to get married . What time is it?
Someone stole my car. . .
-You didn`t manage to do that. -You charge it!
Stop arguing about that fucking rifle!
-What`s this? -Oh , didn`t they take it off?
-People don`t do their jobs! -There`s another one!
Another one? ! l just don`t get it!
Well , anyway, l was going to this place when . . .
Attention, allunits! Threeprisoners-
-broke out from the Karsudden prison . They`re highly dangerous.
lsuggestyou allmeetat "Oxenhill" They`reprobablyarmed.
l`llcome back toyou.
-You have to get off. -What`s happening?
lt`s the heat.
-Now what? -Get out!
But where are you going?
-You were lucky this time. -Are you just leaving me here?
Am l supposed to walk home? l wanted to be a cop! Now. . . N EVER!
-Hey, look! -Yeah !
-Are you nervous? -Look!
-Who`s that? -Knock him down !
Yeah , sure!
Threeprisoners forlife escapedthis morning from the Karsuddenprison.
The fugitives were in the ward forthe mentallly deranged.
We warn thepublic - the men are highly dangerous andprobablyarmed.
The leaderis considered the most dangerous criminalin Scandinavia.
He was condemnedfor the murder ofhis own mother.
Atthe trialhe saidthatshe was old and wouldhave diedanyway.
-Come on ! -Forget him !
-Shut up! -Don`t give a fuck!
-You move and l`ll fuck you for real ! -Fuck off!
Now, leave!
-Where the hell is the jimmy? -Where`s the fucker?
"Fuckyou forreal?" l`m off...
Great, thanks.
Hi. You`re atAdam `s, Vivianne `s and KG`s place. We can `ttakeyour call-
-butyou can sayyourname afterthe tone. Bye bye!
lt`s over.
Whatremains is a regretat, ora longing for... ldon `trecognizeyou.
ltmakes me confused andangry.
You shouldunderstandl was serious. How comeyou didn `tsee that?Maria.
Hi !
Hi , there! Hi !
Get out of my way!
ls it Saturday today?
lf so, l`m getting married . Can`t you help me?
Thanks, God ! Fucking thanks!
Lookinggood, lookinggay YMCA...
Hi , there!
Hi , Knutsson !
Just over the bridge.
-1 4 crowns. -Oh, shit!
Aren`t you Anders? Great!
-Juststay cool. -Who?
l thought you were a guy from my class in school .
l`ve never seen you before. What school would that be?
You`re just a bus driver.
Have a nice trip!
First stop after the bridge. . .
l`m getting off now!
-Pernilla, are you coming with us? -Yes, please.
-Hi . -Hi .
-l`m getting married , that`s why. -Okay. . .
No, wait! l`m here!
lt was the priest calling .
A guy called Anders came and said he was getting married today-
-but he was dressed as a woman with a boa of swans-down .
Anders is lost. . .
You`re always on about my looks. Yes, l`m handsome.
Look at him !
What the fuck do you look like?
-He must have had a hard life. -He`s a hermaphrodite.
-Do you want a drink? -No.
Not you ! - There you are.
Give it to me!
-Look at him ! -Thirsty guy!
Anders, willyou have these alcoholics forbetter, for worse tilldeath...
This can`t be true!
The same day again !
No clothes, my watch is slow. A conspiracy! A condom up myass...
Soon l`llmeetthe idiot who won `t letme use hisphone andtoilet.
l`llgive them shit, allofthem!
ROCK- rock- `n "-roll-music Allacross the USA
Hello. Mayluse yourtoilettoday?
-l wouldn`t dream of it! -That`s what l thought. Bye!
Hi ! l`m doing the balloon dance. . .
What do you say? Not bad , right?
You don`t want to see all of it?
Hi , have you seen a thing like this before?
-No, not such a small one! -Hey. . .
Listen . . .
The balls are okay! Nice ass!
What are you doing? Look here. . .
Baby, come and get me!
Radio News.:A nakedman stole from a three-year-old...
Theparents "association is furious.
-No, begone! -``Begone?`` What do you mean?
This is God speaking .
-Where are you off to? -To buy a lottery ticket.
No, now it`s my turn !
A lottery ticket, please.
My sign . . .?
Now who`s going to save the world?
1 00 000 on a single ticket!
Taxi !
Keep it!
-Hi , take me to a clothing store. -No, l don`t drive nudists in my car.
-l`ll give you 1 000 crowns! -No way! l don`t drive nudists.
-2 000! -Okay.
My sign . . .
-Hi , l`d like to buy some clothes. -What?
-Some clothes. . . -No, no.
-You`re all naked . -l know, l need clothes.
-No way! -Here, take this!
You need clothes, of course! You`re all naked !
-No problem ! -And shoes!
l`m so sorry, we don`t sell shoes.
We`re going home.
-ls everybody leaving? -Poor Maria.
He isn`t coming . . .
l`m off!
Maria, l was set up! l was pissed yesterday, or the day before. . .
-lt wasn`t my fault. -Tape it, l`ll listen to it in 50 years.
Never ``sorry``! Never ``l love you``!
No comments on my pretty eyes! No flowers! Go to hell !
Drive off!
lt`s a quarterto one. Whatan uglyman...
-For how much? -Doesn`t matter!
Hello, the flower-shop.
Yes. And we can have lunch there.
But. . .where`s the car?
The news.: An uglyman tragicalllylosthis flowers.
-May l buy your flowers for a grand? -Cut it out!
Hey, buddy, come on . . .
They`re for my girlfriend . We`re celebrating our anniversary.
l`ll give you two grand . You`ve got great clothes!
Buy your own flowers! These are mine.
Okay, you asked for it!
Uglypoverty-stricken devil! Curled mint, lilly ofthe valley, blue tulip...
l love you ! Your eyes are like blue anemones.
l can hardly wait to see this plain bouquet be reflected in them .
Thank you .
``Elisabeth , forgive me. l`ll never cheat on you again . Yours A.``
-What? -What`s this?
Anders, you lack just evertyhing , especially a wife. And finesse.
Forget it! lf it`s so difficult to get married , it must be hell to be married .
l don`t give a damn about your wedding . l`ll get pissed like hell !
Babes! They cost you a bundle! l lost three taxi cab operations.
What couldldo?l was always late. l"dbetterfindmyselfa newgirl!
l was lucky!Metthe babe from yesterday, with the carandthe tits.
-Hello, baby! -She `sjustlike me.
Remember me?
-Yes. -Elegantandexperienced.
Two Long lsland lce Tea, each .
She`llbepissed, then l`llfuckher.
-What happened yesterday? -What do you mean? You were there.
l`ll try to find Anders. You`re coming?
-Yes, we`re going home. -l`ll stay with Maria. You go.
Listen ! What about the two of us getting married?
We`ll have babies, lots of babies!
Let`s get married . . .in Las Vegas.
You can drive me home in your Cadillac.
And then l`ll touch your tits. They`re so fucking great!
Two more. . .
-Weren`t you getting married today? -Well , yes, but l`ve got big plans.
Listen , l`m just going to take a leak. l`ll be back soon . Don`t leave.
We`llstart with a fuckinggreat 69, then an ordinarymissionary...
We`llcontinue with some tao, kamasutra andthen some tintra-sex.
-Bull`s-eye! -Girls love that.
What the hell?
She left?
-You`d better leave, too. -But. . .she likes me.
Anders and Pernilla. . .
They screw. . .
l learned about it this morning . Why do you think he didn`t turn up?
They`ve done things behind our backs.
Someguys who aren `tnittpicking...
-Hi , guys! -Who the hell are you?
-We`d like to drink and eat. -Grunge is out. You can`t eat here.
-Just for a moment. -No, not at all . Absolutely not!
Guys, you`re too sloppy. lt doesn`t work, dressed like that.
Put these clothes on , or we`ll never get in there.
Night fever! Night fever!
How many are you? Four? Sure.
When you`re having a nice time like this-
-you`d really like to sail the seven seas again . lt would be great!
You should have seen ! Patent leather shoes. . .
-What`s that got to do with it? -Rio has always been my dream .
l don`t want him to come.
Oh yes, you do.
Do you want me to look for him?
So you`re interested in architecture!
Howthe fuck didlmake herbelieve?
Stockholm , the library and evertyhing , and Peter Celsing`s early work. . .
The library, well . . .just a lot of books.
But Celsius - a fucking genius with all those degrees. . .
-0, 1 00, 37. . . - They`re mentallly deranged.
We warn the public, the men are highly dangerous. . .
Bastards! When the police get them , they should kill them on the spot!
All prisoners should be killed ! Send the skeletons to the archipelago.
What`s your idea of man?
My dad is in prison .
l`mgonna fuckher!Even if l have to readallbooks in the library.
lgotta knowmore! They ought to send the fuckers to the archipelago.
Three mentally deranged prisoners for life managed to escape from . . .
Switch the TV off, please.
You must think that the library has a great architecture as well , or. . .?
-You`re joking? -And Peter Celsing`s early work. . .
l know who Celsing is. Asplund could have been my old man .
The pillared vaults were originally for the armed forces staff college.
Yes, l know. Miaou . . .
Rosita! Dear, little Chilean !
The condor is so grim - oh yeah !
The snakes start rattling in Tarapaca!
Come and sit here, guys!
Seven sailors rounded the Horn today Rosita is everybody`s dream , okay!
Stillno crab-lice - new day, newmissions...
Was it great for you , too?
-Yes? -Hi , Lundstedt.
We `vegota nakedjunkie atApple Road 111.
Can you take that?
-Shut up! - No more stripping today!
You`re okay, Eddie?
l recognize you . Aren`t you a model or something?
Love me! Take care of me! You`re so nice. . .
-Anders! -Yes, l`m here.
-Anders! -l love you so!
No, wait a minute! No crime passionnel !
l`m sorry. l`ll give you doughnuts and hamburgers next time.
Shut up and get me a towel !
You`re so mean ! And you`re cowards! Two against one!
l`m dead angry now!
Get him ! Stop the thief!
-Wait a minute! -He`s stolen my clothes.
l can`t live like this.
-Did he steal your clothes? -Yes, go and get him !
-What about me! l`m naked ! -Get in the car.
-Where is it? -Round the corner.
Thanks, call again , if there`s something new.
Attention, allunits! There `s a robbery atthe mainpost-office.
lt`s a naked man who`s said to be a cop.
-We`ll get him . -Yes, step on it!
They`ve identified Anders on the videotape and he`s naked .
Turn on the telly. . .
There`s a message concerning the man-
-who`s suspected of robbering the main post-office-
-at Vasagatan in Stockholm earlier today.
-A cop. -A cop? !
How do theyknow he `s a cop?
Did they recognize him?
lf he`s naked , how can they see it`s a cop?
l suppose he looked really cool .
-l`m really hungry. -For what?
Two colleagues were shot down atApple Road 111.
lt was Skacke andHaber who were killed. Getthatmaniac now!
... who is also suspectedof the verybrutalexecution...
... oftwo Swedishpolicemen earlierthis morning.
Okay. . .
Allunits! There `s a crazyjockey at Solvalla racetrack.
lrepeat.: a crazyjockeyat Solvalla, in the thirdrace, with no clothes on.
They`re all naked nowadays.
When the police tried to catch him , he managed to get away in the chaos.
Al K!
Something`s happened .
Sit down ! We`ll have a word with this Djurgården supporter.
Once again l have to clean up after your lunch .
-l`ve got the same one! -No Al K supporter wears napkins.
-Hamburgers and doughnuts! -l thought you`d be happy.
-Do l look happy? -Why can`t you . . .? Okay, l`m sorry!
-Are you fucking nuts? -A fucking fag ! Go to hell !
Al K!
Philippe, forgive me! Philippe, it was good !
Attention, allunits!Listen to this! A hijacking drama atArlanda airport!
A nakedman says he`lljoin aprofessionalmatch againstltaly.
Thursday, l think. - Right, Philippe? Was it Thursday?
A naked man is climbing the facade of the Culture Center.
The nakedman scattered hundreds ofthousands crowns-
-overthepassers-by at Sergel`s Square.
l`m God !
Standing on the facade the man claimedto be God-
-and when thepolice triedto catch him, he managedtogetaway-
-in the chaos that emerged when he threwawaythe money.
Thepolice won `tgive any details-
-butaccording to a reliable source it`s a certain Anders Karlsson-
-whogrew up in Bandhagen.
lt`s also notedthat he was completelynaked.
Go right away! There`s a maniac who is said to be a cop.
He can forget our party this spring .
Hands back. . .
Come on .
He fell . He made resistance and fell , several times. . .
He fell .
-lt`d be great to sail the seven seas. -Oh , yeah .
Fucking elevator!
lt`d be great to sail again !
Great to sail again , right?
Great, thanks!
Hi, you`re atAdam `s, Vivianne `s and KG`splace. We can `ttakeyour call-
-butyou can sayyourname afterthe tone. Bye bye!
Who is this?
l need to stop this curse. l love Maria. . .
Not smart to get raped by Pernilla. What happened at my stag-party?
What do you say? Should we go for it?
lt`s about time. . .
Can you help me with this bow-tie? - l`ll be right back.
l`ve got to tell you something . l shagged Pernilla yesterday.
-What will Maria say? -What do you mean ``say``?
-Maria! -l`m getting married !
l just wanted to tell you : Anders shagged Pernilla last night.
Why can`t life be simple just one single day?
Pity you got pissed yesterday.
Well , if what you say is true, then . . .
. . . l can`t marry him .
Hi , l`m Anders. . . Karlsson .
Hi ! l`m finally here.
Dear friends.
The wedding . . .is called off.
l`m really sorry, but Anders can explain .
Where are you going?
Pierre!He `s behinditall. lt was him, thatfucking bastard!
-What`s this? -No, lngo is a. . .
-Now what? -He wants to sit here.
DArtagnan and the three musketeers.
Cheer up! There are worse things.
Don`t say ``no`` all the time. Do you want to taste it?
- True friendship. -You must behave.
l got to take a leak.
-Stop nagging ! -Sure.
Stig ! Hi !
-lt`s a fucking nuisance! -What?
My boy got married a few hours ago and l wasn`t invited .
lt`s a fucking nuisance!
But l asked for it!
l haven`t done much for him .
Have a drink!
You need one.
No thanks. l`ve been clean for three months now.
This is how it is.
l will become a good human being .
Karlsson .
Man oftheyearAnders Karlsson.: lnvitedhis dadto the wedding.
Distributedmoneyin the streets, was nice to children.
Sånga Church at Ekerö, one o`clock.
-This is it. -Oh , it`s just great!
-No sticky tape? -No need . . .
He became agoodman, saved the Swedish Welfare State.
An Anders Karlsson paid me to give these things to a little boy.
-Would that be you? -Yes.
-l was to give you this, too. -Thanks.
-You`re welcome. Bye. -Bye!
This morning threeprisoners triedto escape from the Karsuddenprison.
They couldbe stoppedatan early stage, thanks to an anonymous call-
-from a man in the center ofStockholm.
l`ll give you 1 0 000. . .if you wait here.
Anders "King"Karlsson, national team manager, agreatstrategist.
Hey, Pierre! Can you give me a hand? lt won`t take long .
-Come on . -Excuse us.
l`ll show you something .
Take that side.
That, too!
Serves him right! We gonna win .
-l get it. -Drive off!
l`m glad you came!
-Can l have a word with you? -Now?
-Everybody`s waiting . ls it important? -Yes. Come on .
Okay, the truth... Shit!
- The whole truth. -Come home from Las Vegas!
We`re getting married now. So, let`s hear. . . They`re all waiting .
"Always speak the truth!"
-Many awful things have happened . -What`s happened?
l . . .shagged Pernilla.
What are you saying?
And another girl . But l`m not sure, l was pissed .
Maria, l don`t really know. lt happened , or it didn`t!
Howthe hellcanyou come with this now?
How can you do that when we`re getting married?
But, no, we aren`t. . .
Maria, this is. . .
When did it happen? Was it yesterday?
-ls that the reason for your delay? -No, no. . .
l was probably also. . . l think l was raped by some kind of. . .fake Negro.
lt wasn`t anything l really wanted to do, not of my own free will .
He forced me, and then later on l woke up in the elevator, all naked .
With . . .a rubber up my ass.
Leave me, Anders. Now!
l want to be left alone. Tell my mom to come, l need to talk to her.
Anyway. . . l love you .
What`s wrong? What`s wrong with you?
l don`t want to get married .
What are you saying?
-What`s happened? -Well , it`s like this. . .
Anders drags me in here and tells me that he`s been shagging Pernilla.
-l have to tell you something . -Thanks for yesterday.
And another girl .
And some Negro - a man . . . Yesterday.
Then there`s this crazy story about how. . .
He says his days come over and over again .
The same day comes back all the time.
He`s come to the wedding 70 times!
And he tells me he`s won on a lottery ticket.
l don`t know!
And he shagged Pernilla, my best friend .
-Forget it, it was so long ago. -Do you really mean it?
-l can`t marry him . -Your father did the same thing .
-What? ! Did dad fuck lngemor? -No, l don`t think so.
-But he was all messy. -l was just a bit confused .
He told me a lot of stories just before our marriage.
l think he really was remorseful .
But they`re so worried about losing their freedom .
-Where is Pierre? -l don`t know. He`s lost as usual .
What the hell are you doing? Get me out of here!
-Mom . . . -Yes?
l`ve been with Pierre.
Stop the car!
What`s that you`re telling me?
-When was that? Does Anders know? -lt was ages ago.
But l did screw Pierre, so. . .
Me too.
What the fuck were you doing?
-But it was no good . -Did you really do it?
-With Pierre? -Yes.
lt was so long ago.
-We all make mistakes. -That`s obvious.
Maria. . .
lf you do love Anders, you`ll have to hurry up. lt`s late.
There`s no need to feel sorry for him , but he sure is nervous now. . .
You fucking working class idiot!
Maria, finalllybymyside!
So far, l was sure to win. Pierre was out ofthe running.
-Dear bride and bridegroom . -Atleastlthoughtso.
Dear wedding guests.
We`re gathered on this extremely beautiful day-
-when the countryside is flourishing-
-to celebrate a very important ceremony-
-for this young couple.
Will you , Maria Matilda Märtelbom-
-have this Anders Stig-Elvis Karlsson , and love him for better, for worse?
Will you , Anders Stig-Elvis Karlsson-
-have this Maria Matilda Märtelbom-
-to your wedded wife, and love her for better, for worse?
-Yes. -Yes.
You may kiss the bride.
Anders, l`mgonna killyou!
-Each forall... -...andallfor each!
KG ! Sorry, l`m late.
Can l have your attention , please?
Pierre is here now, and he has promised to show some slides.
Ladies and gentlemen , a loud applause for Pierre!
Dear friends, things have happened that l`d like to share with you .
l must tell you that Anders is a swine.
-A liar and a devil . -A devil , right!
He took not only money from Vivianne and KG , but their daughter, too!
He`s been with other women . He`s been playing a double game.
He`s even deceived me. l`d never have been his best friend-
-if l`d known that he was going on like this. l had to search my heart.
-Here you are, 2 500. . . -Thanks. lt was fun .
Was it this man l wanted Maria, the person l love-
-and who is like a sister to me. . .
Was it this man l wanted her to marry?
And that`s not all . . .
l learned more!
Then you might understand why l screwed Anders last night?
l learned . . .
. . .that Anders had shagged my fiancee Pernilla.
The day before the wedding !
With Anders!
What the hell is this, Pierre?
Pernilla, Maria`s best friend . . .
But. . .
Why are you with me?
You`re the only woman stupid enough to believe you have egg on your face.
lforgive Pernilla.
When l see these slides l understand that she was in an evil man`s grip.
-Forgive me, Maria, l love. . . -Shut up!
Anders is a full-grown manipulator!
Hi, mom, doyou stillhave the slides?
KG , l`m sorry l missed the ceremony.
Can l have your attention , please!
Pierre`s going to show some slides.
Dear friends, there are many things that l`d like to share with you .
l`ve got to tell you that Anders is a swine.
A devil and a liar.
He`s been with other women and that isn`t all . He`s fooled . . .
What`s this?
-l`ve got proof. -My slides!
He`s been with . . .
Where do these photos come from?
What the hell is this? l`ve got proof!
He`s a junkie, he`s unfaithful ! Where do these fucking photos come from?
Please, Pierre, that`s enough .
Yeah , enough !
Stop it!
Anders is my best friend and you should understand . . .
An applause for the bridal couple!
Now, let`s forget about this and drink to the young couple!
l want a big fucking drink!
What was that? Not the best joke tonight!
Don`t you get it? Someone`s replaced all the photos from the stag-party.
-l heard it was all over. -What do you mean ``over``?
Between you and Pernilla.
What do you mean? Matte!
The scouts "medalto A Karlsson, the scout oftheyear, alwaysprepared.
-l`ll be right back. -But why. . .?
When you come to Rio, there`ll be a boat waiting , the ``Pacific Bride``.
lt`ll take you to lndonesia, where you`ll stay for two weeks.
You`re gonna drink, pick up babes. Anything !
You got money, tickets, a taxi and the plane in one and a half hour!
-Off you go! -Come on , you`re coming , too.
-Come on . -Come on , lngo!
Who were they?
l`ll tell you that some other day. A totally different day.
A long time ago when l turned four
my father gave me a gift
A nice present when l turned four
that l kept for many years
Teddy Bear Fredriksson Yes, that was his name
Once he was only mine and we loved each other
Teddy Bear Fredriksson had a nose made of wool
He was my very best friend when l was a little child
And every night he was so nice and soft
He warmed up my bed so it was so warm
He was so kind once when l fell ill
He let me sleep on his arm
Teddy Bear Fredriksson Yes, that was his name
Once he was only mine and we loved each other
Teddy Bear Fredriksson his nose was made of wool
He was my very best friend when l was a little child
But the years passed by and l forgot my friend
And l got married and had a child
And yesterday when she turned four
She got a teddy bear from her dad
Teddy Bear Fredriksson Yes, that was his name
Once he was only mine and we loved each other
Teddy Bear Fredriksson his nose was made of wool
He was my very best friend when l was a little child
Anders, what the hell is this?
Na Cha The Great
Na Tum Jaano Na Hum
Na samote u lesa
Nabi CD1
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Naissance de lAmour La
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Net The
Network 1976
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Nine Months
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Nineteen Eighty Four - 1984
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