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Producers The

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[INFORMATION] [AUTHOR] [SOURCE] [PRG] [FILEPATH] [DELAY] [CD TRACK] [COMMENT] [END INFORMATION] [SUBTITLE] [COLF]&HFFFFFF,[STYLE]no,[SIZE]18,[FONT]Arial 00:00:34.73,00:00:35.73 Come here. 00:00:41.67,00:00:43.47 - Ta-ta.[br]- Ta-ta. 00:00:43.54,00:00:47.01 Don't forget the checkie.[br]Can't produce plays without checkie. 00:00:47.31,00:00:52.01 You can count on me, you dirty young man. 00:00:55.72,00:00:56.72 Good-bye. 00:00:56.82,00:01:01.06 Bye-bye. Good-bye. Bye. 00:01:01.52,00:01:03.99 Bye-bye. Old buzzard. 00:01:16.14,00:01:17.81 Hold me. Touch me. 00:01:18.21,00:01:22.58 Hold me. Touch me. 00:01:23.78,00:01:25.35 Hold me. Touch me. 00:01:36.06,00:01:37.26 Darling. 00:01:37.63,00:01:39.96 Hold me. Touch me. 00:01:40.03,00:01:41.86 Not in the hall. 00:01:53.58,00:01:57.01 I know she's in here.[br]I wonder where she's hiding. 00:01:57.28,00:01:58.21 Where are you? 00:01:58.98,00:02:01.55 Where are you, devil woman? 00:02:06.62,00:02:09.32 "Finders keepers" 00:02:12.39,00:02:15.03 Here I come, ready or not. 00:02:23.64,00:02:26.11 There you are, you little flirt. 00:02:54.74,00:02:56.57 What's the matter? 00:02:56.64,00:02:59.74 Papa no want to play with baby? 00:02:59.91,00:03:04.45 - I think Papa's neck is broken.[br]- What a sissy. 00:03:07.38,00:03:08.95 Meow. 00:03:10.29,00:03:12.25 Meow. 00:03:14.02,00:03:16.96 I wonder where old Tom is tonight? 00:03:18.36,00:03:19.46 Oy. 00:04:09.54,00:04:13.25 Bialy. Bialy, darling, did I hurt you? 00:04:13.35,00:04:18.59 - It's only a flesh wound, lamb chop.[br]- Don't worry, darling. 00:04:25.19,00:04:27.80 I'll kiss it and make it well. 00:04:29.70,00:04:31.00 Mr. Bialystock. 00:04:31.40,00:04:33.90 Mr. Bialystock? How do you do? 00:04:34.00,00:04:36.47 My God. I mean... 00:04:42.14,00:04:43.58 ...excuse me. 00:04:43.88,00:04:47.02 You mean, "oops," don't you?[br]Just say, "oops," and get out! 00:04:48.98,00:04:50.42 Not... 00:04:50.49,00:04:52.39 - "Oops!"[br]- Oops. 00:04:55.72,00:04:58.76 I can't abide a peeping Tom. 00:04:59.46,00:05:04.30 One in the apartment[br]just opposite my bedroom window. 00:05:04.57,00:05:07.34 I swear, that man never takes his... 00:05:07.40,00:05:10.87 ...field glasses off me, not for a minute. 00:05:12.57,00:05:15.01 - Feeling better?[br]- Yes. 00:05:15.08,00:05:16.18 Good. 00:05:20.18,00:05:21.85 Let's fool around. 00:05:40.00,00:05:44.14 Now I'll be the innocent little milkmaid... 00:05:44.21,00:05:47.21 ...and you be the naughty stable boy. 00:05:50.91,00:05:52.71 This milk is so heavy. 00:05:53.21,00:05:55.12 I'll never reach the house. 00:05:55.78,00:05:59.39 Help me. Will someone help me? 00:05:59.45,00:06:00.59 Wait! 00:06:01.02,00:06:03.56 We can't play today.[br]I have too many appointments. 00:06:03.66,00:06:04.83 We can't play today? 00:06:04.89,00:06:07.36 Thursday! We'll play on Thursday. 00:06:07.46,00:06:10.37 We'll play "The Contessa and The Chauffeur." 00:06:51.14,00:06:55.28 - The best one![br]- Until Thursday then, Contessa mia. 00:06:56.11,00:06:57.58 Contessa mia. 00:06:58.28,00:07:02.48 No, darling, please, just a little. 00:07:03.52,00:07:06.22 Money. I need money. 00:07:06.29,00:07:09.76 All right. 00:07:09.92,00:07:11.93 The Contessa and the Chauffeur. 00:07:15.83,00:07:18.40 So the Count hired you this morning, Rudolfo? 00:07:18.50,00:07:20.84 Watch the road. 00:07:20.90,00:07:24.71 I can't take my eyes off you.[br]How can I drive when you drive me mad? 00:07:24.77,00:07:28.14 - Mad![br]- Rudolfo, you dirty pig. 00:07:29.31,00:07:30.31 Pull over. 00:07:55.50,00:07:57.94 That's enough. Good. 00:07:58.01,00:07:59.37 We'll do the rest on Thursday. 00:07:59.47,00:08:02.81 Now, that's a good girl. I'll get you your purse... 00:08:02.88,00:08:03.81 ...and your gloves. 00:08:03.88,00:08:04.61 Thursday. 00:08:06.88,00:08:08.12 Thursday. 00:08:08.38,00:08:10.85 Until Thursday, then, you bawdy wench. 00:08:12.15,00:08:15.32 - Hold me. Touch me.[br]- Thursday. 00:08:15.39,00:08:18.36 And then we'll finish playing[br]the Contessa and Rudolfo? 00:08:18.43,00:08:20.33 First thing on Thursday. 00:08:21.13,00:08:22.70 And after that... 00:08:22.76,00:08:26.20 ...we'll play "The Abduction[br]and the Cruel Rape of Lucretia"... 00:08:26.27,00:08:27.67 ...and I'll be Lucretia. 00:08:28.20,00:08:31.34 And I'll be Rape. On Thursday. That's wonderful. 00:08:32.24,00:08:36.68 Lucretia, you forgot the checkie.[br]Can't produce plays without checkie. 00:08:38.45,00:08:40.72 I had it with me all the time. 00:08:42.88,00:08:46.25 Is it okay? I made it out to "cash."[br]You didn't say the play's name. 00:08:46.32,00:08:50.09 Fine. Good. Thursday. 00:08:50.16,00:08:54.33 Good-bye, my powder pigeon. Bye-bye. 00:08:54.40,00:08:56.83 - Ta-ta.[br]- Ta-ta. 00:08:57.03,00:08:58.60 Good-bye. 00:08:58.93,00:09:02.44 He who signs the lease, must pay rent. 00:09:02.57,00:09:04.07 That's the law. 00:09:04.41,00:09:05.34 Why, you're a thief. 00:09:05.41,00:09:08.18 How can you take the last penny[br]out of a poor man's pocket? 00:09:08.24,00:09:09.58 I have to. 00:09:09.91,00:09:11.38 I'm a landlord. 00:09:11.71,00:09:14.35 Lord, hear my plea. Destroy him. 00:09:14.45,00:09:18.82 - He maketh a blight on the land.[br]- Don't listen to him. He's crazy. 00:09:19.42,00:09:22.36 That hurt. I must make another call. 00:09:43.35,00:09:44.45 Oops? 00:09:44.91,00:09:48.85 Who are you? What do you want?[br]Why are you loitering in my hallway? 00:09:48.92,00:09:50.52 Speak, dummy! Speak! 00:09:50.85,00:09:53.62 - Why don't you speak?[br]- Scared. Can't talk. 00:09:55.36,00:09:56.39 All right. 00:09:57.76,00:09:59.16 Get a hold of yourself. 00:09:59.53,00:10:01.03 Take a deep breath. 00:10:02.03,00:10:03.37 Let it out slowly... 00:10:04.43,00:10:05.80 And tell me, who are you? 00:10:06.90,00:10:10.67 I'm Leo Bloom. I am an accountant.[br]I'm from Whitehall and Marx. 00:10:10.74,00:10:13.58 I was sent here to do your books,[br]and I'm terribly sorry... 00:10:13.64,00:10:15.51 ...I caught you with the old lady. 00:10:15.74,00:10:17.85 "Caught you with the old lady"? 00:10:18.51,00:10:20.55 Come in, Mr. Tact. 00:10:37.60,00:10:40.24 - So, you're an accountant?[br]- Yes, I am. 00:10:40.30,00:10:41.44 Then account for yourself! 00:10:41.50,00:10:43.37 Do you believe in God? Or gold? 00:10:43.44,00:10:45.34 Why are you looking up old ladies' dresses? 00:10:45.41,00:10:46.41 Bit of a pervert, eh? 00:10:47.81,00:10:49.51 Never mind. Do the books. 00:10:49.58,00:10:52.48 They're over there in that desk. Top drawer. 00:10:53.95,00:10:55.22 I'll take your coat. 00:10:55.72,00:10:57.45 - Thank you.[br]- You're welcome. 00:11:05.93,00:11:08.53 How dare you condemn me[br]without knowing all the facts! 00:11:08.63,00:11:09.53 Mr. Bialystock... 00:11:09.60,00:11:12.60 Shut up! I'm having a rhetorical conversation! 00:11:13.07,00:11:14.67 How humiliating. 00:11:15.04,00:11:16.57 Max Bialystock. 00:11:22.78,00:11:24.45 You know who I used to be? 00:11:25.18,00:11:29.25 Max Bialystock, King of Broadway![br]Six shows running at once! 00:11:30.65,00:11:32.45 Lunch at Delmonico's. 00:11:32.75,00:11:34.39 $200 suits. 00:11:37.63,00:11:38.73 You see this? 00:11:39.06,00:11:43.77 This once held a pearl as big as your eye![br]Look at me now. Look at me now! 00:11:45.53,00:11:47.97 I'm wearing a cardboard belt. 00:11:56.34,00:11:59.21 I used to have thousands of investors begging... 00:11:59.31,00:12:03.42 ...pleading to put their money[br]in a Max Bialystock production. 00:12:04.35,00:12:06.32 Look at my investors now. 00:12:09.79,00:12:10.73 Voilà. 00:12:10.79,00:12:15.73 Hundreds of little old ladies[br]stopping off at Max Bialystock's office... 00:12:16.10,00:12:19.83 ...to grab a last thrill on the way to the cemetery. 00:12:29.84,00:12:34.65 You have exactly 10 seconds[br]to change that look of disgusting pity... 00:12:34.72,00:12:37.12 ...into one of enormous respect. 00:12:37.19,00:12:39.52 One, two... 00:12:39.59,00:12:42.26 Do the books. 00:12:43.99,00:12:45.89 I appreciate that, sir. 00:12:57.07,00:13:00.54 Window's so filthy,[br]can't tell whether it's day or night out there. 00:13:12.72,00:13:15.52 That's it, baby! When you got it, flaunt it! 00:13:15.59,00:13:16.83 Flaunt it! 00:13:20.73,00:13:21.90 Cough. 00:13:22.60,00:13:23.77 Cough! 00:13:29.07,00:13:33.11 I assume you're making those cartoon noises[br]to attract my attention. 00:13:34.91,00:13:38.35 Am I correct in my assumption,[br]you fish-faced enemy of the people? 00:13:38.85,00:13:40.75 I hurt your feelings. 00:13:41.05,00:13:44.62 - Good! What is it?[br]- May I speak to you for a minute? 00:13:46.49,00:13:49.16 Go. You have 58 seconds. 00:13:49.22,00:13:54.03 - In glancing at your books, I noticed that...[br]- You have 48 seconds left. Hurry. 00:13:54.10,00:13:58.10 - I glanced at your books, I noticed...[br]- 28 seconds. You're running out of time. 00:13:58.17,00:14:00.97 - Tick tock, tick tock...[br]- Mr. Bialystock... 00:14:01.04,00:14:03.27 ...I cannot function under these conditions! 00:14:03.34,00:14:05.84 You're making me extremely nervous! 00:14:06.34,00:14:09.31 - What is that, a handkerchief?[br]- What? Nothing. That's nothing. 00:14:09.88,00:14:11.81 If it's nothing, why can't I see it? 00:14:13.18,00:14:16.15 My blanket! My blue blanket![br]Give me my blue blanket! 00:14:16.25,00:14:18.65 You... No! You... 00:14:19.85,00:14:22.39 Here. 00:14:22.46,00:14:23.86 Don't panic. 00:14:31.17,00:14:32.20 I'm sorry. 00:14:32.27,00:14:34.87 I don't like people touching my blue blanket. 00:14:35.70,00:14:39.57 It's not important. It's a minor compulsion.[br]I can deal with it if I want to. 00:14:40.08,00:14:42.78 It's just that I've had it ever since I was a baby... 00:14:42.84,00:14:45.28 ...and I find it very comforting. 00:14:52.92,00:14:55.36 They come here. They all come here. 00:14:55.62,00:14:58.56 - How do they find me?[br]- May I speak to you? 00:14:58.86,00:15:00.53 Yes, Prince Mishkin. 00:15:00.73,00:15:04.73 - What can we do for you?[br]- This is hardly a time for levity. 00:15:05.13,00:15:07.44 I've discovered a serious error... 00:15:07.50,00:15:09.97 ...in the accounts of your last play.[br]- Where? What? 00:15:10.07,00:15:12.81 According to the backers list, you raised $60,000. 00:15:12.94,00:15:15.41 But the play that you produced only cost $58,000. 00:15:15.48,00:15:17.31 That's $2,000 unaccounted for. 00:15:17.58,00:15:20.92 I went to a Turkish bath.[br]Who cares? The play was a flop! 00:15:20.98,00:15:23.79 - What difference does it make?[br]- What difference does it make? 00:15:23.85,00:15:26.69 That's fraud![br]If they found out, you could go to prison. 00:15:26.76,00:15:29.89 Who's gonna find out? It's only $2,000.[br]Bloom, do me a favor. 00:15:29.96,00:15:32.56 Move a few decimal points around.[br]You're an accountant. 00:15:32.63,00:15:36.63 You're in a noble profession.[br]The word "count" is part of your title. 00:15:36.73,00:15:37.73 That's cheating. 00:15:37.83,00:15:40.87 It's not cheating. It's charity. 00:15:41.17,00:15:42.84 Bloom, look at me. 00:15:43.41,00:15:44.87 Look at me! 00:15:45.77,00:15:47.54 I'm drowning. 00:15:48.81,00:15:52.88 Other men sail through life.[br]Bialystock has struck a reef. 00:15:54.18,00:15:57.22 I'm going under. 00:15:58.15,00:16:01.06 I'm being sunk[br]by a society that demands success... 00:16:01.12,00:16:02.92 ...when all I can offer is failure. 00:16:03.09,00:16:06.03 Bloom, I'm reaching out to you. 00:16:07.33,00:16:09.30 Don't send me to prison. 00:16:10.30,00:16:12.20 Help! 00:16:15.17,00:16:18.87 Help me, Bloom. Bloom, help me. 00:16:20.71,00:16:23.28 I'll do it! 00:16:23.51,00:16:26.48 - Thank you. I knew I could con you.[br]- That's all right. What? 00:16:26.55,00:16:28.65 Nothing. Do it. 00:16:29.02,00:16:31.35 Right. Let's see. $2,000. 00:16:32.19,00:16:33.39 $2,000. 00:16:34.36,00:16:37.76 That isn't much.[br]I'm sure I can hide it somewhere. 00:16:39.03,00:16:42.33 After all, the Internal Revenue Service[br]isn't interested in a flop. 00:16:42.40,00:16:45.17 Yes, right. Good thinking. You figure it out. 00:16:45.23,00:16:49.14 I'm tired. I'm gonna take a little nap.[br]Wake me if there's a fire. 00:16:49.20,00:16:53.41 Let's see if we add these we get, 10... 00:16:53.91,00:16:54.91 ...four... 00:16:59.21,00:17:00.45 Amazing. 00:17:01.12,00:17:02.78 It's absolutely amazing. 00:17:03.32,00:17:04.92 Under the right circumstances... 00:17:04.99,00:17:07.22 ...a producer could make[br]more money with a flop... 00:17:07.29,00:17:08.66 ...than he could with a hit. 00:17:11.49,00:17:12.93 Yes, it's quite possible. 00:17:12.99,00:17:16.43 If he were certain that the show would fail,[br]a man could make a fortune! 00:17:16.50,00:17:17.53 Yes? 00:17:17.77,00:17:20.47 - Yes what?[br]- What you were saying? Keep talking. 00:17:20.54,00:17:21.57 What was I saying? 00:17:21.64,00:17:23.64 That under the right circumstances... 00:17:23.71,00:17:25.94 ...a producer could make[br]more money with a flop... 00:17:26.01,00:17:27.51 ...than he could with a hit. 00:17:27.58,00:17:29.41 Yes, it's quite possible. 00:17:29.48,00:17:32.31 You keep saying that, but you don't tell me how. 00:17:32.38,00:17:34.68 How can a producer[br]make more money with a flop... 00:17:34.75,00:17:35.95 ...than he could with a hit? 00:17:36.02,00:17:38.82 It's simply a matter of creative accounting. 00:17:38.89,00:17:42.32 Let's assume, just for the moment,[br]that you are a dishonest man. 00:17:42.42,00:17:44.06 - Assume away.[br]- It's very easy. 00:17:44.13,00:17:46.36 You simply raise[br]more money than you really need. 00:17:46.43,00:17:47.43 What do you mean? 00:17:47.50,00:17:50.27 You did it yourself,[br]only you did it on a very small scale. 00:17:50.33,00:17:51.20 What'd I do? 00:17:51.27,00:17:54.47 You raised $2,000 more than you needed[br]to produce your last play. 00:17:54.54,00:17:57.01 So? What did it get me?[br]I'm wearing a cardboard belt! 00:17:57.07,00:17:59.94 That's where you made your mistake.[br]You didn't go all the way. 00:18:00.01,00:18:03.88 You see, if you were really a bold criminal,[br]you could have raised $1 million. 00:18:03.95,00:18:06.41 But the play only cost me $60,000 to produce. 00:18:06.48,00:18:07.45 And how long did it run? 00:18:07.55,00:18:08.82 - One night.[br]- You see? 00:18:08.88,00:18:10.29 Do you see what I'm trying to say? 00:18:10.35,00:18:12.99 You could have raised $1 million,[br]put on a $60,000 flop... 00:18:13.05,00:18:14.29 ...and kept the rest. 00:18:14.36,00:18:16.96 - But what if the play was a hit?[br]- Then you'd go to jail. 00:18:17.03,00:18:19.43 Once the play's a hit,[br]you have to pay the backers... 00:18:19.49,00:18:23.40 ...and with so many, there could never be[br]enough profits to go around. Get it? 00:18:26.47,00:18:28.30 So in order for this scheme to work... 00:18:28.37,00:18:30.77 ...we'd have to find a sure-fire flop. 00:18:30.87,00:18:33.11 - What scheme?[br]- "What scheme?" 00:18:33.27,00:18:35.61 Your scheme, you bloody little genius! 00:18:35.68,00:18:37.28 I meant no scheme. 00:18:37.35,00:18:39.65 I merely posed a little[br]academic accounting theory. 00:18:39.71,00:18:40.98 It was just a thought. 00:18:41.05,00:18:45.02 Worlds are turned on such thoughts. 00:18:46.89,00:18:50.33 Don't you see, Bloom?[br]Darling Bloom. Glorious Bloom. 00:18:50.39,00:18:51.46 It's so simple. 00:18:51.53,00:18:53.56 Step one, we find the worst play in the world. 00:18:53.66,00:18:54.60 A sure-fire flop. 00:18:54.66,00:18:58.27 Step two, I raise $1 million.[br]There's a lot of old ladies in the world. 00:18:58.33,00:19:00.07 Step three, you work on the books... 00:19:00.14,00:19:02.77 ...phony list of backers for the government. 00:19:02.84,00:19:06.21 You can do it, Bloom. You're a wizard.[br]Step four, we open on Broadway. 00:19:06.27,00:19:09.31 And before you can say "step five,"[br]we close on Broadway. 00:19:09.54,00:19:13.25 Step six, we take our $1 million,[br]we fly to Rio de Janeiro! 00:19:13.31,00:19:14.28 "Rio 00:19:14.38,00:19:16.92 - "Rio by the sea-o"[br]- Mr. Bialystock, wait a minute. 00:19:19.05,00:19:20.79 You're holding me too tight. 00:19:22.62,00:19:25.06 I'm an honest man. You don't understand. 00:19:25.13,00:19:28.43 No, you don't understand![br]This is fate! This is destiny! 00:19:28.50,00:19:30.90 This is kismet! There's no avoiding it. 00:19:30.97,00:19:34.20 Not more than five minutes ago,[br]I doctored your books! 00:19:34.27,00:19:37.14 That, sir, is the ultimate extent of my criminal life! 00:19:40.41,00:19:42.31 I want that money! 00:19:43.65,00:19:45.28 I fell on my keys. 00:19:46.05,00:19:50.02 You miserable, cowardly,[br]wretched, little caterpillar. 00:19:50.12,00:19:52.12 Don't you ever want to become a butterfly? 00:19:52.22,00:19:56.09 Don't you want to spread your wings[br]and flap your way to glory? 00:19:56.32,00:19:57.93 You're gonna jump on me. 00:19:58.36,00:20:01.13 You're gonna jump on me![br]I know you're gonna jump on me! 00:20:01.20,00:20:03.90 - Like Nero jumped on Poppaea.[br]- Who? 00:20:04.00,00:20:06.77 Poppaea! She was his wife.[br]She was unfaithful to him... 00:20:06.84,00:20:10.27 ...so he got mad and jumped on her[br]up and down, up and down... 00:20:10.37,00:20:12.44 ...until he squashed her like a bug! 00:20:12.51,00:20:15.78 - Please don't jump on me![br]- I'm not gonna jump on you! 00:20:15.84,00:20:17.08 I'm not gonna jump on you! 00:20:18.51,00:20:21.75 - Will you get a hold of yourself?[br]- Don't touch me! 00:20:24.52,00:20:26.89 I'm not gonna hurt you.[br]What's the matter with you? 00:20:26.96,00:20:30.56 I'm hysterical![br]I'm having hysterics. I'm hysterical. 00:20:30.86,00:20:34.43 I can't stop when I get like this.[br]I can't stop. I'm hysterical. 00:20:38.23,00:20:39.47 I'm wet! 00:20:40.04,00:20:41.37 I'm wet! 00:20:41.77,00:20:43.84 I'm hysterical, and I'm wet! 00:20:44.91,00:20:46.41 I'm in pain! 00:20:46.98,00:20:48.38 And I'm wet! 00:20:49.28,00:20:52.61 And I'm still hysterical![br]No, don't hit. It doesn't help. 00:20:52.68,00:20:56.32 - It only increases my sense of danger.[br]- What can I do? 00:20:56.38,00:20:59.75 - You're getting me hysterical.[br]- Go away. You frighten me. 00:20:59.82,00:21:01.66 - Where shall I go?[br]- Sit over there. 00:21:01.72,00:21:03.12 Okay. 00:21:04.96,00:21:06.56 Okay. 00:21:07.03,00:21:09.46 I'm over here. This better? 00:21:09.53,00:21:12.50 That's better. But you still look angry. 00:21:14.44,00:21:15.80 How's this? 00:21:17.07,00:21:18.21 Good. 00:21:18.47,00:21:19.87 That's good. 00:21:20.64,00:21:22.28 That's very nice. 00:21:23.88,00:21:25.78 I think I'm coming out of it now. 00:21:27.45,00:21:28.45 Yes. 00:21:28.82,00:21:30.72 I'm definitely coming out of it. 00:21:33.32,00:21:36.02 Thank you for smiling. That helped a great deal. 00:21:36.12,00:21:37.76 You know what they say: 00:21:37.86,00:21:40.43 "Smile and the world smiles with you." 00:21:42.26,00:21:44.87 This man should be in a straitjacket. 00:21:45.07,00:21:46.10 Feeling better? 00:21:46.17,00:21:49.60 Much, thank you, but I am a little lightheaded. 00:21:49.70,00:21:51.84 Maybe I should eat something. 00:21:52.07,00:21:53.44 Hysterical attacks have a way... 00:21:53.51,00:21:55.91 ...of severely depleting[br]one's blood sugar, you know. 00:21:55.98,00:21:58.48 They certainly do. 00:21:58.65,00:22:01.15 Come. Let me take you to lunch. 00:22:09.32,00:22:12.56 You know, it's very nice[br]of you to take me to lunch, Mr. Bialystock. 00:22:12.83,00:22:15.93 Call me Max. You know I don't[br]let everybody call me Max. 00:22:16.13,00:22:19.70 - It's only those people I like.[br]- Okay, Max. 00:22:19.97,00:22:22.94 - And you can call me Leo.[br]- I already have. 00:22:24.07,00:22:26.81 Where shall we go for lunch? 00:22:27.28,00:22:31.78 Max, I don't know, Max. What do you think, Max? 00:22:32.48,00:22:34.95 Leo, it's such a beautiful day... 00:22:35.05,00:22:37.52 ...why go to a dark, stuffy restaurant? 00:22:37.72,00:22:39.49 Let's dine al fresco. 00:22:39.69,00:22:42.96 - This is al fresco?[br]- The finest. Thank you. 00:22:44.36,00:22:48.16 Excellent.[br]Please tender our compliments to the chef. 00:22:48.23,00:22:51.70 - Please tender half a buck.[br]- Of course. Here you are, my good man. 00:22:51.87,00:22:54.97 I'm not your good man.[br]I happen to own this establishment. 00:22:55.04,00:22:56.37 Give me the change. 00:22:58.61,00:23:00.51 Everybody's a big shot. 00:23:01.91,00:23:05.05 Leo, what say we promenade through the park? 00:23:05.11,00:23:06.65 I'd love to, but it's nearly 2:00. 00:23:06.72,00:23:08.75 I should get back to Whitehall and Marx. 00:23:08.82,00:23:11.22 Nonsense.[br]As far as Whitehall and Marx is concerned... 00:23:11.29,00:23:13.39 ...you're working with Max Bialystock, right? 00:23:13.46,00:23:16.66 - Right.[br]- Then stick with Bialystock. 00:23:35.44,00:23:37.48 Lovely out here, isn't it? 00:23:37.75,00:23:40.98 I wish I could enjoy it. I'm so nervous. 00:23:41.32,00:23:43.32 What if someone from the office should see me? 00:23:43.42,00:23:46.49 Then you'd see them,[br]and why aren't they at the office? 00:23:48.96,00:23:50.43 That's right. 00:23:51.03,00:23:53.33 That's it, Leo. You're learning. 00:23:54.46,00:23:56.00 Having a good time? 00:23:56.53,00:23:58.83 I don't know. I feel so strange. 00:23:59.60,00:24:01.40 Maybe you're happy. 00:24:01.90,00:24:03.64 That's it. I'm happy. 00:24:07.11,00:24:09.08 What do you know about that? 00:24:09.68,00:24:10.88 I'm happy! 00:24:12.18,00:24:13.65 I'm happy! 00:24:17.49,00:24:21.76 There it is, Bloom.[br]The most exciting city in the world. 00:24:21.82,00:24:24.76 Thrills, adventure, romance. 00:24:25.36,00:24:28.56 Everything you ever dreamed of is down there. 00:24:29.43,00:24:33.13 Big black limousines. Gold cigarette cases. 00:24:33.20,00:24:36.14 Elegant ladies with long legs. 00:24:36.67,00:24:39.11 All you need is money. 00:24:39.74,00:24:41.61 Money is honey. 00:24:41.84,00:24:43.58 Money is honey. 00:24:44.08,00:24:46.48 Leo, he who hesitates is poor. 00:24:48.48,00:24:50.52 Don't let me influence you. 00:24:50.72,00:24:54.66 - It's your decision.[br]- But if we get caught, we'll go to prison. 00:24:54.72,00:24:58.99 You think you're not in prison now?[br]Living in a gray, little room? 00:24:59.56,00:25:04.20 Going to a gray, little job?[br]Leading a gray, little life? 00:25:04.80,00:25:05.80 That's right. 00:25:06.37,00:25:07.70 I'm a nothing. 00:25:08.80,00:25:11.74 I spend my life counting other people's money. 00:25:12.41,00:25:14.11 People I'm smarter than. 00:25:14.64,00:25:15.84 Better than. 00:25:17.28,00:25:18.88 Where's my share? 00:25:19.98,00:25:21.85 Where's Leo Bloom's share? 00:25:23.15,00:25:24.22 I want... 00:25:25.12,00:25:26.39 I want... 00:25:27.16,00:25:29.92 I want everything I've ever seen in the movies! 00:25:29.99,00:25:31.89 Leo, say you'll join me! 00:25:32.59,00:25:33.96 I'll do it! 00:25:35.03,00:25:38.30 My God, I'll do it! 00:25:38.37,00:25:39.70 I'll do it! 00:25:43.00,00:25:44.47 I'm Leo Bloom! 00:25:45.77,00:25:47.08 I'm me! 00:25:47.78,00:25:49.58 I can do whatever I want! 00:25:49.94,00:25:51.35 It doesn't matter! 00:25:51.91,00:25:53.31 I'm Leo Bloom! 00:26:17.61,00:26:20.48 Max, let's call it a night. It's 2:00 in the morning. 00:26:20.54,00:26:23.51 - I don't know what I'm reading anymore.[br]- Read. 00:26:23.58,00:26:26.15 We've got to find the worst play ever written. 00:26:30.85,00:26:33.42 "Gregor Samsa woke one morning... 00:26:33.66,00:26:37.03 "...to discover that he had been transformed... 00:26:37.09,00:26:39.06 "...into a giant cockroach." 00:26:39.93,00:26:41.43 It's too good. 00:26:45.80,00:26:47.27 Wait a minute. 00:26:48.07,00:26:49.57 Wait a minute. 00:26:50.61,00:26:52.24 I've read this play. 00:26:53.48,00:26:55.88 I'm reading plays I read this morning. 00:26:57.11,00:26:58.58 I can't go on. 00:26:58.88,00:27:00.18 It's too much. 00:27:01.28,00:27:04.72 Max, let's face it, we'll never find it. 00:27:08.86,00:27:10.46 "We'll never find it." 00:27:10.56,00:27:12.16 "We'll never find it." 00:27:15.50,00:27:16.77 "We'll never find it"? 00:27:16.83,00:27:18.20 "Rio 00:27:18.30,00:27:19.87 "Rio by the sea-o 00:27:19.93,00:27:21.37 "Bialystock and Leo 00:27:21.44,00:27:23.41 "Oh, me-o, Oh, my-o" 00:27:23.97,00:27:25.14 Leo... 00:27:26.17,00:27:27.41 Smell it. 00:27:27.64,00:27:29.61 See it? Touch it. 00:27:29.71,00:27:31.48 - What is it?[br]- "What is it?" 00:27:31.55,00:27:32.58 We've struck gold. 00:27:32.65,00:27:34.65 Not fool's gold, but real gold. 00:27:34.72,00:27:36.75 The mother lode. 00:27:37.79,00:27:39.25 The mother of them all. 00:27:39.72,00:27:41.36 Kiss it, kiss it. 00:27:41.62,00:27:42.96 You found a flop. 00:27:43.02,00:27:45.49 "A flop." That's putting it mildly. 00:27:45.56,00:27:47.96 We've found a disaster,[br]a catastrophe, an outrage! 00:27:48.03,00:27:51.60 - A guaranteed-to-close-in-one-night beauty.[br]- Let's see it. 00:27:51.67,00:27:54.90 This is freedom from want forever.[br]This is a house in the country. 00:27:54.97,00:27:56.77 This is a Rolls Royce and a Bentley. 00:27:56.84,00:27:59.91 This is wine, women, and song and women. 00:28:00.71,00:28:02.68 "Springtime for Hitler. 00:28:03.11,00:28:06.85 "A gay romp with Adolf and Eva[br]at Berchtesgaden." 00:28:10.12,00:28:12.32 It's practically a love letter to Hitler. 00:28:12.39,00:28:15.39 - This won't run a week.[br]- A week? Are you kidding? 00:28:15.49,00:28:19.63 - This play has got to close on page four.[br]- Who wrote it? 00:28:19.69,00:28:22.40 Who? Read, right there, read. 00:28:22.46,00:28:23.50 - "Franz...[br]- Franz. 00:28:23.60,00:28:25.00 - "...Liebkind.[br]- Liebkind. 00:28:25.07,00:28:26.17 - "100...[br]- 100. 00:28:26.23,00:28:27.30 - "...West...[br]- West. 00:28:27.40,00:28:28.74 - "...Jane street."[br]- Jane street. 00:28:28.80,00:28:30.01 Franz Liebkind. 00:28:30.21,00:28:32.17 100 West Jane Street. 00:28:41.08,00:28:44.22 - Who do you want?[br]- I beg your pardon? 00:28:44.29,00:28:45.22 Who do you want? 00:28:45.29,00:28:48.46 No one gets in the building[br]unless I know who they want. 00:28:48.52,00:28:49.99 I'm the concierge. 00:28:50.29,00:28:53.60 My husband used to be the concierge,[br]but he's dead. 00:28:53.80,00:28:55.66 Now I'm the concierge. 00:28:57.27,00:28:59.50 We are seeking Franz Liebkind. 00:28:59.87,00:29:01.40 The kraut. 00:29:01.74,00:29:04.54 He's on the top floor, apartment 23. 00:29:04.84,00:29:06.34 - Thank you.[br]- Thank you. 00:29:06.44,00:29:08.51 But you won't find him there. 00:29:08.71,00:29:10.78 He's up on the roof with his birds. 00:29:11.51,00:29:13.05 He keeps birds. 00:29:13.92,00:29:17.02 Dirty, disgusting, filthy... 00:29:17.09,00:29:19.12 ...lice-ridden birds. 00:29:20.36,00:29:23.46 You used to be able to sit out[br]on the stoop like a person. 00:29:24.09,00:29:26.43 Not anymore. No, sir. 00:29:27.46,00:29:28.63 Birds. 00:29:29.16,00:29:31.80 - You get my drift?[br]- We get it. 00:29:31.87,00:29:34.70 We get your drift. Thank you, madam. 00:29:35.44,00:29:38.67 I'm not a madam! I'm a concierge! 00:29:48.78,00:29:50.42 He's wearing a German helmet. 00:29:51.65,00:29:55.09 Don't say anything to offend him.[br]We need that play. 00:30:06.17,00:30:09.47 - Franz Liebkind?[br]- I was never a member of the Nazi party! 00:30:09.54,00:30:12.64 I'm not responsible! I only followed orders! 00:30:12.74,00:30:15.41 Who are you? Why do you persecute me? 00:30:15.48,00:30:19.31 My papers are in order.[br]I love my adopted country. 00:30:26.86,00:30:28.16 What do you want? 00:30:28.46,00:30:31.66 Relax, Mr. Liebkind.[br]We're not from the government. 00:30:31.73,00:30:34.56 - We came here to talk about your play.[br]- My play? 00:30:34.96,00:30:38.50 - You mean Springtime for You-know-who?[br]- Yes. 00:30:38.57,00:30:40.07 What about it? 00:30:40.77,00:30:43.91 We love it. We think it's a masterpiece.[br]That's why we're here. 00:30:43.97,00:30:45.67 We wish to produce it on Broadway. 00:30:47.11,00:30:48.38 Broadway. 00:30:49.81,00:30:51.58 Oh, joy of joys. 00:30:52.21,00:30:54.42 Oh, dream of dreams. 00:30:54.48,00:30:56.05 I can't believe it. 00:30:56.42,00:30:59.42 I must tell the birds. Birds! 00:30:59.49,00:31:00.69 Birds, do you hear? 00:31:00.79,00:31:03.29 Otto! Berthe! Hans! 00:31:04.36,00:31:08.50 Do you hear?[br]We are going to clear the Führer's name. 00:31:18.77,00:31:22.58 Mr. Liebkind, please. People can hear. 00:31:29.12,00:31:31.89 This is not a place to talk.[br]Come, we'll go to my flat. 00:31:32.19,00:31:33.79 An occasion like this... 00:31:33.89,00:31:35.49 ...calls for schnapps! 00:31:52.34,00:31:54.98 You know, not many people knew it... 00:31:56.04,00:31:59.18 ...but the Führer was a terrific dancer. 00:32:01.65,00:32:04.22 Really? I never dreamed that... 00:32:04.32,00:32:07.29 That is because that you were taken in... 00:32:07.79,00:32:10.23 ...by that verdammte Allied propaganda! 00:32:10.29,00:32:12.63 Such filthy lies! They told lies! 00:32:13.70,00:32:17.23 But nobody ever said a bad word[br]about Winston Churchill, did they? 00:32:17.33,00:32:19.30 No! "Win with Winnie!" 00:32:22.47,00:32:23.81 Churchill! 00:32:24.91,00:32:27.41 With his cigars. With his brandy. 00:32:27.51,00:32:31.81 And his rotten painting, rotten![br]Hitler, there was a painter. 00:32:31.88,00:32:35.65 He could paint an entire apartment[br]in one afternoon! Two coats! 00:32:38.42,00:32:41.29 Churchill. He couldn't even say "Nazi." 00:32:41.36,00:32:45.23 He would say, "Noses. Noses." 00:32:45.29,00:32:46.33 It wasn't Noses! 00:32:46.39,00:32:47.93 It was Nazis! 00:32:52.20,00:32:53.54 Churchill! 00:32:54.14,00:32:57.57 - Exactly why...[br]- Let me tell you this! 00:32:58.44,00:33:01.51 And you're hearing this straight from the horse! 00:33:01.58,00:33:06.38 Hitler was better looking than Churchill.[br]He was a better dresser than Churchill. 00:33:06.45,00:33:09.35 He had more hair! He told funnier jokes! 00:33:09.42,00:33:12.22 And he could dance the pants off of Churchill! 00:33:12.49,00:33:15.19 - Exactly why...[br]- Churchill! 00:33:15.26,00:33:17.96 Yes. Churchill! 00:33:18.33,00:33:21.36 That's exactly why we want to produce this play... 00:33:21.76,00:33:25.57 ...to show the world the true Hitler,[br]the Hitler you loved... 00:33:25.63,00:33:29.77 ...the Hitler you knew,[br]the Hitler with a song in his heart. 00:33:50.86,00:33:53.13 Here, Franz Liebkind, sign here... 00:33:53.43,00:33:56.03 ...and make your dream a reality. 00:33:56.87,00:33:57.50 Here it is! 00:33:57.57,00:34:01.17 Springtime for Hitler,[br]signed, sealed, and delivered. 00:34:01.50,00:34:03.94 - What's the matter?[br]- I'm not wearing this armband. 00:34:04.01,00:34:06.27 I don't care how big the deal is. 00:34:06.34,00:34:08.61 Okay. Take it off. 00:34:16.58,00:34:17.79 Taxi! 00:34:19.39,00:34:20.76 The Blue Gypsy. 00:34:21.42,00:34:23.12 Why are we going to the Blue Gypsy? 00:34:23.73,00:34:25.93 We are not going to the Blue Gypsy. 00:34:26.16,00:34:28.23 I am going to the Blue Gypsy. 00:34:28.30,00:34:30.73 I have a rendezvous with a lady of some means. 00:34:35.57,00:34:39.24 You see, my dear Bloom, phase one is complete. 00:34:39.31,00:34:42.41 The play is ours.[br]We are now entering phase two... 00:34:42.48,00:34:44.25 ...the raising of the money. 00:34:44.31,00:34:47.05 In the days to come,[br]you will see very little of me... 00:34:47.12,00:34:51.39 ...for Max Bialystock is launching himself[br]into little-old-lady land. 00:34:51.45,00:34:53.66 Adieu. Avanti! 00:35:05.03,00:35:07.57 You're incorrigible, Bialy. 00:35:07.70,00:35:12.24 - Here's to the success of your new play.[br]- Our new play, my love. 00:35:14.21,00:35:16.71 Bialy, I'm so sorry. 00:35:17.18,00:35:20.15 - Did I wet you?[br]- Think nothing of it, my dear. 00:35:20.42,00:35:23.12 A mere trifle. 00:35:23.49,00:35:25.22 Did you bring the checkie? 00:35:25.52,00:35:28.32 Yes, I have it right here in my purse. 00:35:28.99,00:35:33.16 And I made it out just like you told me.[br]To "cash." 00:35:33.23,00:35:35.50 That's a funny name for a play. 00:35:35.90,00:35:38.07 Think nothing of it, my dear. 00:36:18.64,00:36:21.31 - Thank you, my dear.[br]- Say it again, Bialy. 00:36:21.41,00:36:24.98 And I swear to you on my life,[br]you don't look a day over 65. 00:36:26.92,00:36:28.68 There you are. 00:36:30.35,00:36:32.92 - I love you.[br]- What? 00:36:33.86,00:36:35.22 I love you. 00:36:35.49,00:36:36.66 What? 00:36:37.39,00:36:38.66 I love you! 00:36:47.17,00:36:49.94 Go, Bialy-baby, go! 00:36:59.05,00:37:00.65 Who is it? 00:37:01.32,00:37:03.08 It's Max Bialystock. 00:37:03.32,00:37:07.09 Good. I thought it was a burglar. 00:37:07.36,00:37:09.56 Wait. I'll let you in. 00:37:49.46,00:37:51.10 Mrs. Sarah Cathcart. 00:37:51.50,00:37:53.57 She owns 50 percent of the profits. 00:37:55.10,00:37:56.97 Mrs. Virginia Resnick. 00:37:57.61,00:37:59.94 She also owns 50 percent of the profits. 00:38:01.88,00:38:03.85 Mrs. Eleanor Biddlecomb. 00:38:04.31,00:38:06.65 She also owns 50 percent of the profits. 00:38:07.82,00:38:09.58 Mrs. Alma Wentworth. 00:38:10.05,00:38:12.19 She owns 100 percent of the profits. 00:38:12.82,00:38:16.09 Leo, how much percentage of a play[br]can there be altogether? 00:38:16.16,00:38:18.76 You can only sell 100 percent of anything. 00:38:19.39,00:38:22.66 And how much[br]of Springtime for Hitler have we sold? 00:38:23.20,00:38:24.97 25,000 percent. 00:38:25.53,00:38:28.67 25,000 percent. 00:38:29.60,00:38:31.51 Give me that blue thing. 00:38:36.24,00:38:39.18 Where are you going?[br]We haven't finished signing the contracts. 00:38:39.25,00:38:41.05 I have to see that money. 00:38:50.83,00:38:52.53 Hello, boys. 00:38:53.33,00:38:56.00 If you only knew what I went through for you. 00:38:59.60,00:39:02.60 - What are you doing?[br]- I'm gonna buy myself a toy. 00:39:02.70,00:39:05.67 I worked very, very hard,[br]and I think I deserve a toy. 00:39:05.74,00:39:06.71 A toy? 00:39:06.98,00:39:08.11 A toy. 00:39:10.95,00:39:12.41 That's a toy? 00:39:12.81,00:39:17.52 She happens to be our new receptionist.[br]She goes with our new surroundings. 00:39:17.99,00:39:19.09 Ulla. 00:39:23.12,00:39:24.19 Ulla. 00:39:24.63,00:39:27.10 Ulla, I want you to meet[br]my associate and partner... 00:39:27.16,00:39:28.43 ...Mr. Leo Bloom. 00:39:30.03,00:39:31.03 I beg your pardon? 00:39:35.97,00:39:39.54 Have you gone mad?[br]A receptionist that can't speak English? 00:39:39.64,00:39:41.11 What will people say? 00:39:41.21,00:39:44.88 They'll say... 00:39:44.95,00:39:46.58 What is she going to do here? 00:39:47.38,00:39:49.02 I'll show you. 00:39:49.08,00:39:50.12 Ulla... 00:39:50.49,00:39:52.39 ...go to work. 00:39:52.82,00:39:54.59 Go to work. 00:40:20.82,00:40:23.52 Ulla, okay. Okay, Ulla. 00:40:23.79,00:40:25.25 Cream puff... 00:40:25.69,00:40:28.69 ...sweetie pie, pussycat, okay. 00:40:28.99,00:40:30.23 Ulla! 00:40:31.09,00:40:32.43 Stop work! 00:40:39.03,00:40:42.37 Would you believe it?[br]I met her at the public library. 00:40:44.64,00:40:45.74 Ulla. 00:40:47.98,00:40:50.35 Go to desk. Answer telephone... 00:40:50.41,00:40:53.85 ..."Bialystock and Bloom." 00:41:05.23,00:41:06.59 Nice girl. 00:41:07.70,00:41:09.06 Bloom. 00:41:09.36,00:41:12.97 - Take a cigar.[br]- Max, maybe we should both... 00:41:13.40,00:41:16.20 - What's that?[br]- Nothing. Go on. 00:41:26.38,00:41:27.95 Smart as a whip. 00:41:38.03,00:41:39.56 No. 00:41:40.73,00:41:42.66 No. 00:41:45.90,00:41:48.07 You Swedish tease. 00:41:51.01,00:41:52.44 You'll bury me. 00:42:00.82,00:42:02.55 Leo, what were you saying? 00:42:03.05,00:42:05.02 What? Max... 00:42:05.35,00:42:07.82 Maybe we should[br]go a little easier on the spending. 00:42:07.89,00:42:12.03 - I mean, these offices and all.[br]- Why? Take it when you can get it. 00:42:12.09,00:42:13.93 Flaunt it, baby! Flaunt it! 00:42:14.00,00:42:15.83 But if something should go wrong... 00:42:15.90,00:42:17.80 ...we could give back some of the money. 00:42:17.87,00:42:22.07 - I mean, it would look better in court.[br]- Stop talking like that, you white mouse. 00:42:22.77,00:42:24.24 Nothing is gonna go wrong. 00:42:24.31,00:42:27.21 As a matter of fact, today,[br]I have taken steps to make sure... 00:42:27.28,00:42:30.05 ...that Springtime for Hitler[br]will be a total disaster. 00:42:30.68,00:42:34.65 At 2:00, we have an appointment[br]with none other than Roger de Bris. 00:42:34.72,00:42:36.08 Roger de Bris? 00:42:36.52,00:42:39.29 What? Oh, the director. Is he good? 00:42:39.35,00:42:41.62 - I mean, is he bad?[br]- He stinks. 00:42:41.99,00:42:44.76 He's perhaps the worst director that ever lived. 00:42:44.83,00:42:48.86 He's the only director whose plays close[br]on the first day of rehearsal. 00:42:48.96,00:42:53.00 - Do you think he'll take the job?[br]- Only if we ask him. 00:42:53.47,00:42:56.27 It's late. I'll get the car. 00:42:59.07,00:43:00.11 Ja? 00:43:00.88,00:43:03.38 Call chauffeur. Get car. 00:43:03.48,00:43:05.78 Good. We go to motel? 00:43:05.85,00:43:07.62 No. We go. 00:43:08.15,00:43:11.55 You and Mr. Bloom go to motel? 00:43:11.72,00:43:13.79 No. No motel. 00:43:14.06,00:43:15.69 Get car. 00:43:15.92,00:43:18.23 "Get car." 00:43:19.69,00:43:20.93 "Get car." 00:43:34.71,00:43:36.44 Thank you, Rudolfo. 00:43:42.15,00:43:44.72 Now, don't let anything he says or does[br]upset you. 00:43:44.82,00:43:47.66 - He's a little peculiar.[br]- What do you mean? 00:43:47.89,00:43:49.19 Yes? 00:43:51.86,00:43:55.50 I am Max Bialystock.[br]This is my associate, Mr. Bloom. 00:43:55.60,00:43:57.90 We have an appointment with Mr. de Bris. 00:43:57.97,00:44:01.34 Yes, you are expected. Please do come in. 00:44:12.05,00:44:13.08 How do you do? 00:44:13.15,00:44:16.25 I am Carmen Giya,[br]Monsieur de Bris' private secretary. 00:44:16.35,00:44:18.15 Would you please remove your shoes? 00:44:21.69,00:44:24.33 White, white, white is the color of our carpet. 00:44:27.86,00:44:29.83 Will you please follow me? 00:45:24.18,00:45:25.38 Please. 00:45:34.89,00:45:36.46 We're not alone! 00:45:37.79,00:45:39.36 Please sit down. 00:45:40.29,00:45:41.43 Roger? 00:45:43.40,00:45:46.10 Messieurs Bialystock and Bloom, I presume? 00:45:47.00,00:45:48.04 Forgive the pun. 00:45:49.67,00:45:52.54 - What pun?[br]- Shut up. He thinks he's witty. 00:45:53.34,00:45:55.28 Good to see you again, Roger. 00:45:55.34,00:45:58.01 Did you get a chance to read[br]Springtime for Hitler? 00:45:58.11,00:46:01.01 Remarkable. Remarkable. 00:46:02.88,00:46:04.85 A stunning piece of work. 00:46:06.09,00:46:08.49 Max, he's wearing a dress. 00:46:09.52,00:46:10.69 No kidding. 00:46:10.79,00:46:15.10 I, for one, think it is a very important play. 00:46:17.10,00:46:21.10 Do you know,[br]I never realized that the Third Reich... 00:46:21.20,00:46:22.54 ...meant Germany? 00:46:22.80,00:46:26.21 I mean, it's drenched[br]with historical goodies like that. 00:46:28.31,00:46:29.54 Oh, dear. 00:46:30.14,00:46:31.88 You're staring at my dress. 00:46:32.25,00:46:33.88 I should explain. 00:46:34.15,00:46:36.62 I'm going to the choreographer's ball tonight. 00:46:36.78,00:46:40.49 - There is a prize for the best costume.[br]- And we always win. 00:46:40.55,00:46:42.72 I'm not so sure about tonight. 00:46:42.82,00:46:45.66 I'm supposed to be[br]the Grand Duchess Anastasia... 00:46:46.13,00:46:48.33 ...but I think I look more like Tugboat Annie. 00:46:48.43,00:46:49.46 - What do you think?[br]- I... 00:46:49.56,00:46:50.56 Now, be cruel. 00:46:50.73,00:46:53.00 Be brutal. Be brutal! 00:46:53.50,00:46:55.84 Because, heaven knows, they will. 00:46:56.47,00:46:58.97 Well? What do you think, Mr. Bloom? 00:47:03.34,00:47:07.28 - Where do you keep your wallet?[br]- It's gorgeous. 00:47:07.38,00:47:10.55 You couldn't have picked a better color.[br]It brings out your eyes. 00:47:10.65,00:47:13.82 Let's face it, Roger, that dress is you. 00:47:14.45,00:47:18.73 - Do you really think it brings out my eyes?[br]- We can't tell a thing without your wig. 00:47:18.79,00:47:21.76 As far as I'm concerned, you're only half-dressed. 00:47:21.83,00:47:26.60 If you're so worried about the wig,[br]get it, O Wicked Witch of the West. 00:47:28.34,00:47:30.67 Quick, light his cigarette. 00:47:30.74,00:47:33.01 - He likes you.[br]- I don't want to... 00:47:49.46,00:47:52.09 Didn't I meet you on a summer cruise? 00:47:57.36,00:47:59.70 I've never been on a summer cruise. 00:48:00.87,00:48:02.74 Quel dommage. 00:48:05.04,00:48:07.47 I see we're getting acquainted. 00:48:07.84,00:48:10.78 How would you like to[br]go back to teasing hair, big mouth? 00:48:11.11,00:48:12.55 Temper, Roger. 00:48:12.88,00:48:16.25 Roger, do you mind if we talk a little business? 00:48:16.32,00:48:20.42 Please. That is what we are here for. 00:48:20.72,00:48:24.76 I think this would be[br]a marvelous opportunity for you. 00:48:25.09,00:48:26.69 Be careful. That hurt! 00:48:27.56,00:48:30.23 Up to now, you've always[br]been associated with musicals. 00:48:30.33,00:48:33.73 Yes. Dopey showgirls with gooey gowns. 00:48:33.80,00:48:36.54 "Two, three, kick, turn, turn, turn, kick, turn!" 00:48:37.07,00:48:38.67 It's enough to make you puke. 00:48:38.77,00:48:39.77 Roger. 00:48:40.04,00:48:43.78 But now, at last, a chance to do straight drama. 00:48:44.24,00:48:47.48 Roger de Bris presents history. 00:48:48.62,00:48:52.42 Of course, I think we should add a little music... 00:48:52.85,00:48:55.42 ...and that whole third act has got to go. 00:48:56.02,00:48:59.43 They're losing the war. It's too depressing. 00:49:00.96,00:49:03.73 We shall have to put something in there. 00:49:05.97,00:49:08.60 - What?[br]- I see it! I see it! 00:49:08.70,00:49:12.77 A line of beautiful girls[br]dressed as storm troopers... 00:49:12.87,00:49:16.38 ...black patent leather boots, S-M.[br]- Love it. 00:49:16.48,00:49:18.45 All marching together! 00:49:18.55,00:49:21.25 "Two, three, kick, turn, turn, turn, kick, turn..." 00:49:21.31,00:49:22.78 It will work! 00:49:22.95,00:49:25.52 That is genius! Genius! 00:49:26.22,00:49:27.72 I speak for Mr. Bloom and myself... 00:49:27.82,00:49:30.16 ...when I say you're the only man in the world... 00:49:30.22,00:49:32.46 ...who can do justice to Springtime for Hitler. 00:49:32.53,00:49:35.16 Wait a minute. This is a very big decision. 00:49:35.26,00:49:38.10 It might affect the course of my entire life. 00:49:38.17,00:49:40.30 I shall have to think about it. 00:49:40.70,00:49:43.67 - I'll do it.[br]- Congratulations and thank you. 00:49:43.74,00:49:46.34 Get on the phone! Send out a casting call! 00:49:46.41,00:49:50.91 Call every agent in town![br]I want to see everybody, everybody! 00:50:06.06,00:50:07.36 Heil! 00:50:21.61,00:50:24.14 This is bedlam! 00:50:24.95,00:50:27.08 We must have some order! 00:50:31.99,00:50:35.52 Will the dancing Hitlers please wait in the wings? 00:50:35.69,00:50:37.79 We are only seeing singing Hitlers. 00:50:46.93,00:50:48.40 Arthur Picard. 00:50:52.87,00:50:55.61 Hello, Arthur. Tell us something about yourself. 00:50:55.71,00:50:59.95 I was the lead tenor[br]of the Albuquerque Opera Company... 00:51:00.01,00:51:01.58 ...for the last two seasons. 00:51:01.68,00:51:06.12 I just finished the road tour of Lilac Time,[br]and last season... 00:51:06.19,00:51:09.26 ...I was up for the lead[br]in the Broadway production... 00:51:09.36,00:51:10.99 ...of The Gypsy Lover. 00:51:11.09,00:51:12.06 What happened? 00:51:12.33,00:51:13.79 I didn't get it. 00:51:13.86,00:51:16.33 Arthur, what are you going to sing for us? 00:51:16.40,00:51:20.50 I would like to sing A Wandering Minstrel, I. 00:51:21.13,00:51:22.47 Very well. 00:51:33.58,00:51:34.95 Thank you! 00:51:36.48,00:51:37.95 Next, please! 00:51:38.25,00:51:40.59 Jason Green. Please. 00:51:44.19,00:51:46.66 Jason, and what have you been up to lately? 00:51:46.73,00:51:50.83 For the last 16 years,[br]I have been touring with the USO. 00:51:52.90,00:51:57.07 - And what are you going to sing for us?[br]- Have You Ever Heard The German Band? 00:51:57.14,00:51:58.14 No. 00:51:58.57,00:52:01.98 That's the name of the song I am going to sing. 00:52:05.41,00:52:06.88 You will play it! 00:52:31.20,00:52:32.27 Thank you! 00:52:36.04,00:52:38.98 The Little Wooden Boy. 00:52:43.78,00:52:45.42 Thank you! 00:52:50.66,00:52:51.96 Thank you! 00:52:53.76,00:52:56.26 - Does that mean that I don't get...[br]- I'm sorry. 00:52:56.36,00:52:57.83 You're sorry? 00:53:01.00,00:53:02.37 Thank you! 00:53:10.38,00:53:11.85 That's it. 00:53:18.09,00:53:20.49 - Hey, man.[br]- I beg your pardon? 00:53:21.32,00:53:24.56 Is this where they're auditioning[br]Boomerang, baby? 00:53:24.62,00:53:27.46 I'm afraid you wandered into the wrong theater. 00:53:29.33,00:53:32.50 Man, not again. Freak out. 00:53:33.40,00:53:37.34 Wait! Wait![br]This is Boomerang. This is Boomerang. 00:53:37.40,00:53:40.54 - What are you saying?[br]- Let's hear him. What have we got to lose? 00:53:40.64,00:53:42.01 All right. 00:53:42.08,00:53:43.24 Young man... 00:53:44.18,00:53:45.81 ...what is your name? 00:53:47.55,00:53:49.92 Man. My name? 00:53:54.22,00:53:56.56 Lorenzo! Lorenzo, baby. 00:53:56.82,00:54:00.69 Lorenzo St. Dubois, but my friends call me LSD. 00:54:00.76,00:54:04.36 - And what have you done, LSD?[br]- Man, about six months... 00:54:04.46,00:54:06.50 ...but I'm on probation, and I'm cool, man. 00:54:06.60,00:54:11.44 - I mean, what do you do best?[br]- Man, I can't do that here. 00:54:11.51,00:54:13.34 That's why they put me away, baby. 00:54:13.84,00:54:15.34 Sing, sing. 00:54:15.44,00:54:18.21 Thank you. Thank you so very much.[br]We're gonna sing. 00:54:18.31,00:54:21.65 If I may, I'd like to call on my group.[br]They kind of help me a little. 00:54:21.72,00:54:25.92 Group! Come on, fellas.[br]I would like to, sing this song. 00:54:26.32,00:54:27.95 It's about love... 00:54:28.62,00:54:29.69 And hate. 00:54:29.79,00:54:33.56 Psychedelically speaking,[br]I am talking about "the power." 00:54:44.54,00:54:46.01 "Love power 00:54:47.17,00:54:48.81 "I'm talkin' 'bout 00:54:48.88,00:54:50.44 "Love power 00:54:51.65,00:54:55.02 "The power of a sweet flower 00:54:55.95,00:54:58.65 "Is gonna rule the earth 00:55:00.22,00:55:02.89 "And there'll be a great rebirth 00:55:06.13,00:55:09.13 "Love is the flower that is mine 00:55:10.53,00:55:12.47 "When I'm walkin' with my darlin' 00:55:12.53,00:55:14.77 "And we're holdin' hands 00:55:15.24,00:55:16.97 "And life is fine 00:55:17.30,00:55:19.34 "'cause she understands 00:55:19.84,00:55:22.94 "Walkin' down the sunny street 00:55:24.01,00:55:26.01 "Givin' pretty flowers 00:55:26.11,00:55:29.18 "To the people that we meet 00:55:32.49,00:55:36.99 "And I give a flower to the big, fat cop 00:55:37.09,00:55:41.43 "He takes his club, and he beats me up 00:55:41.53,00:55:45.87 "I give a flower to the garbage man 00:55:45.93,00:55:50.17 "He stuffs my girl in the garbage can 00:55:50.24,00:55:54.41 "And I give it to[br]the landlord when the rent comes 'round 00:55:54.47,00:55:56.44 "He throws it in a toilet 00:55:56.54,00:55:58.61 "And he flush it down 00:55:58.71,00:56:00.71 "It goes into the sewer 00:56:00.81,00:56:02.72 "With the yuck runnin' through her 00:56:02.78,00:56:05.79 "And it runs into the river that we drink 00:56:05.89,00:56:08.02 "World, you stink 00:56:08.69,00:56:10.26 "Man 00:56:10.36,00:56:12.49 "It's later than you think 00:56:14.03,00:56:17.33 "So you got just one more chance 00:56:18.83,00:56:21.27 "Come on, baby, while I dance 00:56:31.68,00:56:33.81 "Love, love power 00:56:34.31,00:56:36.05 "I'm talkin' 'bout 00:56:36.12,00:56:37.68 "Love power 00:56:38.95,00:56:42.36 "The power of a little flower 00:56:44.02,00:56:46.26 "You don't think about those little flowers 00:56:46.33,00:56:48.40 "No. All you think about is guns 00:56:48.50,00:56:50.16 "If everybody in the world today 00:56:50.26,00:56:51.87 "Had a flower instead of a gun 00:56:51.97,00:56:53.30 "There would be no wars 00:56:53.37,00:56:55.77 "There would be one big smell-in 00:56:57.67,00:56:59.14 "Just a flower!" 00:57:01.61,00:57:02.81 Man... 00:57:05.71,00:57:06.91 ...my flower. 00:57:08.72,00:57:10.75 What'd you do to my flower, man? 00:57:11.18,00:57:14.49 You hurt it. Like everything else. 00:57:16.12,00:57:19.23 Everything else. No flower. 00:57:25.60,00:57:27.40 That's our Hitler! 00:58:03.44,00:58:04.94 Your Highness. 00:58:10.78,00:58:13.01 There's the Times' drama critic. 00:58:13.55,00:58:18.35 Watch closely as Max Bialystock[br]puts the last nail into the coffin. 00:58:18.69,00:58:20.15 Good evening. 00:58:20.62,00:58:21.52 Good evening, sir. 00:58:21.59,00:58:24.93 Always delighted to greet[br]the gentlemen of the press. 00:58:24.99,00:58:26.06 Here you are, sir. 00:58:26.16,00:58:29.23 Two on the aisle,[br]compliments of the management. 00:58:30.90,00:58:34.53 Wait... Wait a moment.[br]There seems to be some mistake. 00:58:34.67,00:58:37.50 There's a $100-bill wrapped around these tickets. 00:58:38.17,00:58:39.51 That's no mistake. 00:58:40.11,00:58:41.61 Enjoy the show. 00:58:42.24,00:58:45.28 Mr. Bialystock,[br]just what do you think you're doing? 00:58:45.91,00:58:47.48 I'm bribing you. 00:58:48.05,00:58:51.62 Just play ball,[br]there's a lot more where that came from. 00:59:16.81,00:59:18.55 Keep this buttoned. 00:59:19.35,00:59:22.05 Straight! Up! Up! Always up! 00:59:26.19,00:59:29.82 Gentlemen, it is magic time. Good luck. 00:59:30.52,00:59:31.86 Good luck. 00:59:34.49,00:59:36.76 Tonight, Broadway, tomorrow... 00:59:41.44,00:59:43.27 So much for Nazi failure. 00:59:52.68,00:59:53.95 He'll kill us. 00:59:55.18,00:59:57.72 Max, come on, the overture's started. 01:00:04.79,01:00:06.19 Max... 01:00:09.13,01:00:10.93 This is it! 01:00:11.10,01:00:12.83 Sorry. I'm a little nervous. 01:00:12.90,01:00:15.87 Relax. In two hours, our worries will be over. 01:00:20.57,01:00:22.04 "Germany was having trouble 01:00:22.11,01:00:24.04 "What a sad, sad story 01:00:24.11,01:00:25.48 "Needed a new leader 01:00:25.55,01:00:27.45 "To restore its former glory 01:00:27.51,01:00:29.55 "Where, where was he? 01:00:29.68,01:00:32.02 "Where could that man be? 01:00:32.09,01:00:34.69 "We looked around and then we found 01:00:35.22,01:00:38.09 "The man for you and me 01:00:38.46,01:00:41.40 "And now it's... 01:00:41.46,01:00:45.07 "Springtime for Hitler 01:00:45.13,01:00:47.70 "And Germany 01:00:48.97,01:00:53.84 "Deutschland is happy and gay 01:00:55.91,01:01:00.75 "We're marching to a faster pace 01:01:02.68,01:01:05.15 "Look out, here comes 01:01:05.25,01:01:08.09 "The master race 01:01:09.49,01:01:12.06 "Springtime for Hitler 01:01:12.16,01:01:14.96 "And Germany 01:01:16.40,01:01:21.23 "Winter for Poland and France 01:01:23.24,01:01:26.14 "Springtime for Hitler 01:01:26.21,01:01:29.08 "And Germany 01:01:29.44,01:01:31.24 "Come on, Germans 01:01:31.31,01:01:34.08 "Go into your dance 01:01:38.92,01:01:40.85 "I was born in Düsseldorf 01:01:40.92,01:01:42.39 "And that is why they call me Rolf" 01:01:45.23,01:01:47.19 "Don't be stupid, be a smarty 01:01:47.26,01:01:48.63 "Come and join the Nazi party!" 01:02:32.07,01:02:35.24 "Springtime for Hitler 01:02:35.31,01:02:37.78 "And Germany 01:02:39.61,01:02:40.91 "Goose step's 01:02:40.98,01:02:43.78 "The new step today 01:02:46.85,01:02:48.59 "Bombs falling 01:02:48.72,01:02:51.76 "From the skies again 01:02:54.19,01:02:59.13 "Deutschland is on the rise again 01:03:01.37,01:03:04.27 "Springtime for Hitler 01:03:04.34,01:03:06.97 "And Germany 01:03:08.58,01:03:11.28 "U-boats are sailing 01:03:11.35,01:03:12.38 "Once more 01:03:12.45,01:03:13.55 Well! 01:03:14.01,01:03:15.92 Talk about bad taste! 01:03:15.98,01:03:19.35 "Springtime for Hitler 01:03:19.45,01:03:22.49 "And Germany 01:03:23.56,01:03:25.66 "Means that 01:03:25.76,01:03:27.49 "Soon we'll be going 01:03:27.56,01:03:29.26 "We've got to be going 01:03:29.33,01:03:33.13 "You know we'll be going 01:03:33.20,01:03:38.07 "To war" 01:03:55.06,01:03:57.16 Let us repair to the bar across the street. 01:03:57.22,01:03:59.26 We don't want to be here during intermission. 01:03:59.33,01:04:01.03 They'll stone us to death. 01:04:19.58,01:04:20.95 "Man... 01:04:21.82,01:04:24.75 "I lieb you. I lieb you, baby. I lieb you! 01:04:25.49,01:04:26.79 "Now lieb me alone." 01:04:29.59,01:04:31.09 Harry, he's funny. 01:04:31.19,01:04:33.33 - Come on![br]- Come on! 01:04:36.93,01:04:38.33 "If you need me so much... 01:04:38.40,01:04:40.23 "...why don't you pay attention to me... 01:04:40.30,01:04:41.87 "...you big dictator?" 01:04:41.94,01:04:43.27 "You chicks! 01:04:43.34,01:04:45.54 "You chicks! You all alike! 01:04:45.61,01:04:46.57 "All you think about is... 01:04:46.64,01:04:48.54 "...lieben, lieben, lieben, lieben! 01:04:49.04,01:04:51.18 "Don't you forget, baby, I took an oath. 01:04:51.68,01:04:53.68 "Deutschland über alles!" 01:04:55.92,01:04:58.52 "So, cool it, while I map out my campaign." 01:05:03.02,01:05:04.73 "Gonna crush Poland 01:05:06.29,01:05:08.93 "And I'm gonna take over France 01:05:11.70,01:05:13.03 "Sieg heil, sieg heil!" 01:05:13.87,01:05:17.07 "Then we're gonna take over Poland 01:05:17.14,01:05:19.74 "And then I'm a-gonna crush France 01:05:20.57,01:05:24.21 "Baby, don't you know, mama 01:05:24.28,01:05:27.08 "Then I'm gonna cross that English Channel 01:05:28.25,01:05:30.12 "And then I'm gonna kick them cats 01:05:30.18,01:05:32.05 "In the pants, pow!" 01:05:44.56,01:05:46.97 Did you see the look on that woman's face? 01:05:47.03,01:05:48.94 When the guy started to sing... 01:05:49.00,01:05:50.70 "Springtime 01:05:50.77,01:05:52.54 "For Hitler 01:05:52.61,01:05:54.14 "And Germany" 01:05:58.35,01:06:02.78 Here's to the one and only performance[br]of Springtime for Hitler. 01:06:03.02,01:06:04.89 May it rest in peace. 01:06:10.39,01:06:14.16 Innkeeper! Innkeeper![br]Another round of drinks here. 01:06:15.26,01:06:16.56 As a matter of fact... 01:06:16.63,01:06:19.57 ...a round of drinks for everybody in the place. 01:06:23.50,01:06:25.04 Just think... 01:06:25.14,01:06:28.58 ...yesterday,[br]I was a meaningless little accountant... 01:06:28.64,01:06:32.08 ...and today I'm the producer of a Broadway flop! 01:06:34.01,01:06:36.22 Here's to failure. 01:06:36.28,01:06:40.92 - To failure.[br]- Thank you. It's very kind of you. 01:06:52.80,01:06:54.74 "Bitte schön, mein Führer." 01:06:55.77,01:06:58.27 "Man, you're a German!" 01:06:59.74,01:07:01.41 "We're all Germans!" 01:07:02.98,01:07:04.24 "That's right! 01:07:05.05,01:07:07.91 "That means we cannot attack Germany." 01:07:11.18,01:07:13.62 "I mean, I got all my friends here, you know? 01:07:15.26,01:07:16.92 "And what about me? 01:07:17.46,01:07:19.29 "And then there's the country club... 01:07:19.36,01:07:21.06 "...and the laughs every night. 01:07:21.36,01:07:22.60 "We got to do something. 01:07:22.66,01:07:23.93 "I got it! 01:07:24.13,01:07:27.20 "I've got it!" 01:07:27.27,01:07:28.37 "What have you got?" 01:07:28.47,01:07:31.07 "A medal. It fell down my pants, man. 01:07:31.37,01:07:33.01 "Get it out, baby. 01:07:33.47,01:07:35.18 "Danke schön, baby." 01:07:35.24,01:07:36.44 "Baby." 01:07:36.94,01:07:38.15 "Baby." 01:07:38.71,01:07:40.41 Why does he say this "baby"? 01:07:40.48,01:07:43.85 The Führer has never said "baby."[br]I did not write "baby." 01:07:43.92,01:07:45.79 What is it with this "baby"? 01:07:45.85,01:07:47.89 Will you please shut up? 01:07:47.95,01:07:50.49 You shut up. You are the audience. 01:07:50.59,01:07:53.43 I am the author. I outrank you! 01:07:54.90,01:07:57.93 Barkeep! Another drink for myself... 01:07:58.80,01:08:00.57 ...my associate, Mr. Bloom... 01:08:03.90,01:08:07.77 And don't forget[br]our good-natured inebriate over here. 01:08:16.32,01:08:18.05 Eternally grateful. 01:08:20.65,01:08:22.52 - A toast![br]- A toast! 01:08:22.59,01:08:23.82 A toast! 01:08:24.46,01:08:25.69 To what? 01:08:25.99,01:08:27.06 To... 01:08:29.56,01:08:31.97 To toast. I love toast. 01:08:32.03,01:08:34.57 - To toast.[br]- To toast. 01:08:41.07,01:08:41.94 Now... 01:08:42.64,01:08:44.58 I'll take the lead... 01:08:44.64,01:08:47.48 ...and I want you right behind me all the way! 01:09:13.11,01:09:14.37 Sing out! 01:09:19.35,01:09:21.55 All right, Piaf! 01:09:35.63,01:09:37.60 It's intermission! Quick! 01:09:37.73,01:09:40.30 Hide your faces. They'll tear us to pieces. 01:09:44.04,01:09:47.14 - Give us a couple of Manhattans.[br]- I'll have a Manhattan. 01:09:47.54,01:09:49.94 - Here you go, Frank.[br]- You getting it? Okay. 01:09:50.01,01:09:51.41 Two whiskey sours, please. 01:09:51.98,01:09:56.12 So far, that's about one of the funniest things[br]I've ever seen on Broadway. 01:09:56.18,01:09:59.65 - I never laughed so much in my life.[br]- Absolutely hysterical! 01:09:59.75,01:10:02.12 I thought I'd split my sides! 01:10:03.89,01:10:05.96 Take it easy. Don't panic. 01:10:06.06,01:10:07.86 There are a lot of plays on this street. 01:10:07.93,01:10:10.93 They aren't necessarily talking about[br]Springtime for Hitler. 01:10:11.00,01:10:13.57 Would you ever believe[br]you'd love a show called... 01:10:13.63,01:10:15.10 ...Springtime for Hitler? 01:10:17.30,01:10:18.71 Come on, let's get back! 01:10:18.77,01:10:22.11 If the second act is like the first,[br]this'll run for five years! 01:10:22.18,01:10:24.04 "Springtime for Hitler 01:10:24.11,01:10:25.81 "And Germany" 01:10:28.32,01:10:29.72 Gotta think. 01:10:30.18,01:10:31.52 Gotta think. 01:10:31.59,01:10:33.92 Mrs. Cathcart, 50 percent. 01:10:34.69,01:10:36.49 Mrs. Resnick, 50 percent. 01:10:37.09,01:10:38.56 Gotta think. 01:10:38.66,01:10:40.29 Mrs. Biddlecomb, 50 percent. 01:10:42.03,01:10:44.00 Mrs. Wentworth, 100 percent. 01:10:47.70,01:10:50.17 - Leo.[br]- No way out. 01:10:52.57,01:10:53.77 - Leo.[br]- No way... 01:10:53.84,01:10:54.91 Leo. 01:10:56.04,01:10:57.11 No way... 01:10:57.41,01:10:59.61 Listen, let's go to the theater... 01:10:59.68,01:11:01.18 ...and see what's really happening. 01:11:01.28,01:11:05.02 After all, we only heard from[br]a small portion of the audience. 01:11:05.52,01:11:07.99 Let's hear what the majority thinks. 01:11:08.22,01:11:10.49 - The majority?[br]- The majority. 01:11:12.43,01:11:14.63 Let's hear from the majority. 01:11:14.80,01:11:16.56 - Where's the majority?[br]- Majority. 01:11:16.63,01:11:19.10 - Let's hear the majority.[br]- The majority. 01:11:19.20,01:11:22.54 - See the majority? Where's the majority?[br]- The majority. 01:11:38.55,01:11:40.02 "One and one is two 01:11:40.12,01:11:41.59 "Two and two is four 01:11:41.66,01:11:44.49 "I feel so bad 'cause I'm losing the war" 01:11:49.50,01:11:51.43 Excuse me. Excuse me. 01:11:51.50,01:11:53.33 The play here is in progress! 01:11:53.40,01:11:56.24 You must be quiet! Swine! 01:12:01.48,01:12:04.48 "Man, we're losing everything! Everything! 01:12:04.54,01:12:07.21 "Where's my Goebbels? 01:12:07.28,01:12:09.12 "Get me my little Joe!" 01:12:09.22,01:12:10.55 "Send for Goebbels!" 01:12:10.62,01:12:12.89 - "Send for Goebbels!"[br]- "Send for Goebbels!" 01:12:12.95,01:12:15.16 - "Send for Goebbels!"[br]- "Send for Goebbels!" 01:12:20.56,01:12:21.53 "Heil, baby!" 01:12:21.63,01:12:23.80 "Baby! What's happening?" 01:12:23.86,01:12:26.80 "I just laid the morning propaganda[br]programs on the people." 01:12:26.87,01:12:29.34 "You're putting me on! What did they say?" 01:12:29.40,01:12:31.87 "I told the people we invaded England!" 01:12:31.94,01:12:34.91 "That's a groove, daddy! How did we come out?" 01:12:35.01,01:12:36.81 "We beat 'em, baby!" 01:12:36.88,01:12:39.15 "Groovy! That's my Joe! That's my little Joe. 01:12:39.21,01:12:40.68 "I love my little Joe. 01:12:41.85,01:12:42.95 "Joseph... 01:12:43.05,01:12:45.69 "...you are smoking[br]in the presence of the Führer." 01:12:46.05,01:12:47.62 "I'm sorry, big daddy." 01:12:50.72,01:12:51.99 "They try. 01:12:52.43,01:12:54.39 "Man, how they try." 01:12:55.50,01:12:56.46 Ja! 01:12:56.56,01:13:00.50 - What can I do for you?[br]- You will please be unconscious. 01:13:01.03,01:13:05.74 This is an outrage. It must stop.[br]It makes me so mad what they do. 01:13:05.81,01:13:07.71 Curtain must go down! Down! 01:13:08.51,01:13:09.88 What's happening? 01:13:15.75,01:13:20.12 I am the author of this play![br]You are the victims of a hoax! 01:13:20.19,01:13:24.09 These are not my words![br]The Führer has never said this "baby"! 01:13:24.16,01:13:28.93 The Führer was sweet![br]The Führer was kind! The Führer was good! 01:13:29.96,01:13:33.57 He loved me! Often, he would say to me: 01:13:33.63,01:13:34.77 "Franz..." 01:14:06.23,01:14:07.43 Boo-boo? 01:14:08.10,01:14:09.27 Boo-boo? 01:14:11.91,01:14:14.44 - Yeah?[br]- We make love? 01:14:15.31,01:14:18.05 No. We don't make love. 01:14:18.55,01:14:19.91 Go to work. 01:14:46.14,01:14:47.77 "Congratulations. 01:14:48.31,01:14:50.58 "It's the biggest hit on Broadway." 01:14:52.35,01:14:54.21 "Congratulations. 01:14:54.28,01:14:56.25 "Hitler will run forever." 01:14:58.09,01:14:59.69 "Congratulations." 01:15:04.39,01:15:07.26 Congratulations! 01:15:07.33,01:15:12.00 Have you seen the lines at the box office?[br]It's a torrent! It's an avalanche! 01:15:12.07,01:15:14.40 It's the biggest hit on Broadway! 01:15:14.47,01:15:17.24 You lousy fruit! You ruined me! 01:15:19.24,01:15:22.31 You're crazy! He's gonna kill me! Call the police! 01:15:22.41,01:15:25.18 Help! Murder! Rape! 01:15:29.28,01:15:32.69 Don't let anybody in. Got to think. 01:15:33.45,01:15:34.82 I got to think. 01:15:39.33,01:15:40.86 How could this happen? 01:15:42.20,01:15:45.47 I was so careful. I picked the wrong play... 01:15:46.43,01:15:48.90 ...the wrong director, the wrong cast. 01:15:49.70,01:15:51.51 Where did I go right? 01:15:57.28,01:15:58.65 What are you doing? 01:15:58.71,01:16:00.75 Don't try to stop me. I've made up my mind. 01:16:00.81,01:16:04.58 - What are you doing with the books?[br]- I'm turning myself in. It's the only way. 01:16:04.65,01:16:06.05 I'll cooperate with the police. 01:16:06.12,01:16:08.76 They'll reduce my sentence,[br]time off for good behavior. 01:16:08.82,01:16:11.53 Maybe I'll get a job in the prison library. So long. 01:16:11.59,01:16:12.86 Leo! 01:16:15.20,01:16:19.53 Take it easy. Relax. You're overwrought.[br]You don't know what you're doing. 01:16:19.60,01:16:22.24 You're acting out of panic. Give me those books! 01:16:22.30,01:16:26.27 - I never should have listened to you![br]- I never should have listened to you! 01:16:26.37,01:16:29.41 - How I hate you![br]- Double, double, double! 01:16:37.38,01:16:39.35 Fat! Fat! 01:16:41.62,01:16:42.79 You fatty! 01:16:43.39,01:16:45.46 Give me those books, you fat walrus! 01:16:45.53,01:16:47.89 - Never![br]- Give 'em quick! 01:16:48.10,01:16:51.90 - You fat fatty, give me those fat books![br]- No! 01:16:55.17,01:16:58.74 You have broken the sacred oath! You must die! 01:17:06.81,01:17:08.68 This is not good here. 01:17:09.12,01:17:10.92 I am not killing you. 01:17:11.15,01:17:14.02 Don't you understand? You must die. 01:17:14.35,01:17:15.96 Will you cooperate? 01:17:17.06,01:17:18.66 - Come in![br]- Come in! 01:17:19.79,01:17:22.10 I hear noise. You call? 01:17:22.83,01:17:24.20 Where are... 01:17:26.73,01:17:27.77 Boo! 01:17:28.44,01:17:29.77 I see you. 01:17:30.44,01:17:32.54 You like something? Coffee? 01:17:33.07,01:17:34.27 Coffee. 01:17:34.98,01:17:37.14 Yes! Good idea. 01:17:37.68,01:17:40.08 Ask the gentleman with the gun... 01:17:41.78,01:17:45.92 ...the gentleman who is shooting at us[br]and trying to kill us... 01:17:46.22,01:17:47.79 ...what he will have. 01:17:50.76,01:17:52.66 You like coffee? 01:17:53.83,01:17:56.70 Kaffee? Ja. Black, two sugars. 01:17:57.23,01:18:01.00 Two regular, one black, two sugar. 01:18:09.44,01:18:12.98 - Champagne?[br]- No, thanks. I have just ordered Kaffee. 01:18:17.72,01:18:20.82 Are you coming out[br]from behind this desk or not? 01:18:20.89,01:18:23.16 - Not![br]- Cowards! 01:18:23.36,01:18:25.86 Miserable, cringing cowards! 01:18:26.66,01:18:29.36 Clinging to life! Watch! 01:18:30.16,01:18:31.90 Watch and remember! 01:18:32.50,01:18:35.77 Franz Liebkind[br]will show you how to die like a man! 01:18:44.31,01:18:45.31 Please, sing. 01:18:47.25,01:18:49.55 Soon I will be with mein Führer. 01:18:49.65,01:18:51.99 And Göring! And Goebbels! 01:18:52.42,01:18:53.92 And Himmler! 01:18:53.99,01:18:56.56 I'm coming, boys! 01:19:00.36,01:19:03.03 Boy, when things go wrong... 01:19:08.34,01:19:12.77 Wasted a whole day[br]playing hide-and-seek with a crazy kraut! 01:19:15.94,01:19:19.21 - There, there.[br]- Where? Where? 01:19:20.35,01:19:22.92 You crazy lunatic,[br]what are you shooting at us for? 01:19:22.98,01:19:25.19 Why don't you use this where it'll do some good? 01:19:25.25,01:19:27.22 Why don't you shoot at the actors? 01:19:30.62,01:19:31.86 Franz... 01:19:32.46,01:19:34.43 Have I ever steered you wrong? 01:19:34.80,01:19:37.90 - Always.[br]- Never mind. Listen. 01:19:38.67,01:19:42.47 Every night, people are laughing[br]at your beloved Führer. Why? 01:19:42.74,01:19:45.47 It is that LSD. 01:19:45.87,01:19:47.94 Und his verdammte "babies"! 01:19:50.28,01:19:51.65 Here! 01:19:52.48,01:19:53.88 Buy bullets. 01:19:54.31,01:19:55.85 Go. Kill. 01:19:56.48,01:19:58.92 - Kill the actors.[br]- What? 01:19:58.99,01:20:01.59 - Shut up![br]- The actors. 01:20:01.86,01:20:03.76 I must destroy the actors. 01:20:04.93,01:20:07.79 Stop! This is insanity! Have you lost your mind? 01:20:07.86,01:20:10.56 How can you kill the actors? What do you mean? 01:20:10.63,01:20:12.77 Actors are not animals. They're human beings. 01:20:12.83,01:20:16.80 They are? Have you ever eaten with one?[br]Go! Go, kill! Forward! 01:20:17.80,01:20:20.61 - No![br]- Make up your minds! 01:20:21.31,01:20:24.38 What are you doing? We're trapped![br]It's either the show or us! 01:20:24.44,01:20:28.15 There's no way out![br]What can we do, blow up the theater? 01:20:44.33,01:20:45.60 Dynamite. 01:20:46.10,01:20:47.37 Dynamite. 01:20:52.21,01:20:54.41 - Fuse.[br]- Fuse. 01:21:03.18,01:21:05.72 And now for the master connection. 01:21:48.46,01:21:50.93 Don't shoot! It's the dynamite. 01:21:51.00,01:21:54.63 If you shoot it,[br]it will get mad at us and blow us all up. 01:21:55.00,01:21:59.04 That is good thinking.[br]I will put this dynamite back. 01:21:59.11,01:22:00.21 Good. 01:22:01.91,01:22:04.98 Next time I produce a play, no author. 01:22:09.92,01:22:11.75 - Max?[br]- What is it? 01:22:12.39,01:22:14.19 - Max?[br]- What? 01:22:14.25,01:22:17.09 Remember yesterday[br]in the office when we were fighting? 01:22:17.16,01:22:18.16 So? 01:22:18.89,01:22:21.93 I'm sorry I called you "fat, fat, fat." 01:22:29.77,01:22:31.34 Gentlemen. 01:22:31.71,01:22:35.14 We have here a technical problem. 01:22:35.48,01:22:40.05 I do not know whether this little devil here[br]is the quick fuse... 01:22:40.11,01:22:41.75 ...or the slow fuse. 01:22:42.12,01:22:44.25 I must find this out. 01:22:56.03,01:22:57.66 This is critical. 01:23:09.48,01:23:10.98 Ja, ja. You see this? 01:23:11.04,01:23:13.95 You see this? Hear what I have told you? 01:23:14.01,01:23:17.22 Ja. This is an example of smartness here. 01:23:17.28,01:23:21.82 I have said that this is the quick fuse,[br]and this is the quick fuse. 01:23:22.89,01:23:24.16 The quick fuse! 01:23:43.34,01:23:45.08 Has the jury reached a verdict? 01:23:46.61,01:23:49.15 - We have, your honor.[br]- How does the jury find? 01:23:49.95,01:23:52.92 We find the defendants incredibly guilty. 01:23:53.19,01:23:56.09 Do the defendants[br]have anything to say in their behalf... 01:23:56.16,01:23:58.49 ...before the court pronounces sentence? 01:23:59.93,01:24:02.60 I would like to say something, your honor. 01:24:02.66,01:24:06.43 Not on my behalf, but in reference[br]to my partner, Mr. Bialystock. 01:24:07.17,01:24:08.37 Proceed. 01:24:08.70,01:24:10.17 Your honor... 01:24:10.84,01:24:12.94 Ladies and gentlemen of the jury... 01:24:14.37,01:24:17.98 Max Bialystock is the most... 01:24:19.85,01:24:23.15 ...selfish man I ever met in my life. 01:24:23.65,01:24:25.12 Don't help me. 01:24:25.35,01:24:27.32 Not only is he a liar... 01:24:28.39,01:24:29.89 ...and a cheat... 01:24:31.22,01:24:34.39 ...and a scoundrel and a crook... 01:24:35.03,01:24:38.20 ...who has taken money from little old ladies... 01:24:38.80,01:24:42.14 ...but he's also talked people into doing things... 01:24:42.20,01:24:43.74 ...especially me... 01:24:44.91,01:24:49.08 ...that they would never in a thousand years[br]have dreamed of doing. 01:24:50.48,01:24:52.15 But, your honor... 01:24:53.18,01:24:54.98 ...as I understand it... 01:24:56.12,01:24:58.65 ...the law was created... 01:24:59.52,01:25:03.09 ...to protect people from being wronged. 01:25:05.23,01:25:06.69 Your honor... 01:25:07.59,01:25:11.60 ...whom has Max Bialystock wronged? 01:25:12.27,01:25:13.47 I mean... 01:25:14.07,01:25:16.04 ...whom has he really hurt? 01:25:16.27,01:25:17.47 Not me. 01:25:18.87,01:25:20.04 Not me. 01:25:20.41,01:25:21.61 I was... 01:25:24.11,01:25:25.48 This man... 01:25:28.25,01:25:30.58 No one ever called me Leo before. 01:25:31.39,01:25:33.52 I know it's not a big legal point... 01:25:33.92,01:25:37.79 ...but even in kindergarten,[br]they used to call me Bloom. 01:25:38.66,01:25:40.39 I never sang a song before. 01:25:40.49,01:25:41.56 I mean with someone else. 01:25:41.66,01:25:43.93 I never sang a song with someone else before. 01:25:44.93,01:25:46.30 This man... 01:25:47.73,01:25:49.10 This man... 01:25:50.27,01:25:52.24 This is a wonderful man. 01:25:53.97,01:25:56.08 He made me what I am today. 01:25:57.18,01:25:58.38 He did. 01:26:01.05,01:26:02.95 And what of the dear ladies? 01:26:04.12,01:26:07.62 What would their lives have been[br]without Max Bialystock? 01:26:09.19,01:26:10.79 Max Bialystock... 01:26:11.99,01:26:14.63 ...who made them feel young... 01:26:15.73,01:26:17.70 ...and attractive... 01:26:18.63,01:26:20.27 ...and wanted again? 01:26:24.34,01:26:26.54 That's all that I have to say. 01:26:31.88,01:26:33.35 Order. Order. 01:26:37.35,01:26:41.29 And may I humbly add, your honor,[br]that we've learned our lesson... 01:26:41.36,01:26:43.46 ...and that we'll never do it again. 01:26:51.93,01:26:54.13 "Prisoners of love 01:26:54.20,01:26:55.97 "Blue skies above 01:26:56.30,01:26:59.14 "Can't keep our hearts in jail" 01:27:05.95,01:27:07.85 No! 01:27:08.55,01:27:11.25 Now, come on, guys, let's put a little life in it. 01:27:14.05,01:27:15.69 "Prisoners of love 01:27:16.26,01:27:18.23 "Blue skies above 01:27:18.63,01:27:22.43 "Can't keep our hearts in jail 01:27:23.06,01:27:25.03 "Prisoners of love..." 01:27:26.30,01:27:28.97 You now own 20 percent of Prisoners of Love. 01:27:29.04,01:27:30.50 Congratulations. Yes, sir? 01:27:37.04,01:27:39.18 You now own 30 percent of Prisoners of Love. 01:27:39.25,01:27:41.25 Congratulations. Yes, sir? 01:27:42.92,01:27:44.65 The warden would like to make... 01:27:44.72,01:27:47.32 ...a little investment in your production. 01:27:53.06,01:27:55.23 Tell him he owns 50 percent of the show. 01:27:55.30,01:27:56.93 - Thanks![br]- My pleasure. 01:27:57.03,01:27:58.90 From the top, Franz, once more. 01:28:02.14,01:28:04.24 "Prisoners of love 01:28:04.30,01:28:06.21 "Blue skies above 01:28:06.57,01:28:08.61 "Can't keep our hearts in jail 01:28:08.71,01:28:10.48 Sing it out, men! 01:28:10.98,01:28:12.28 "Prisoners of love 01:28:12.35,01:28:14.61 Higher, you animals, higher! 01:28:14.68,01:28:17.48 We open in Leavenworth Saturday night! 01:28:18.65,01:28:21.05 "You can lock us up 01:28:21.12,01:28:22.99 "And lose the key 01:28:23.29,01:28:27.13 "But hearts in love are always free 01:28:28.03,01:28:30.00 "Prisoners of love 01:28:30.06,01:28:31.93 "Blue skies above 01:28:32.00,01:28:35.47 "'cause we're still prisoners of love 01:28:35.80,01:28:39.74 "You can lock us up and lose the key 01:28:39.84,01:28:42.01 "But hearts in love 01:28:42.08,01:28:43.84 "Will always be 01:28:47.15,01:28:49.62 "Prisoners of love 01:28:52.82,01:28:55.12 "Blue skies above 01:28:55.26,01:28:57.39 "'cause we're still prisoners 01:28:57.49,01:28:59.33 "We're still prisoners 01:28:59.39,01:29:04.33 "We're still prisoners of love"