Producers The
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00:00:34.73,00:00:35.73
Come here.
00:00:41.67,00:00:43.47
- Ta-ta.[br]- Ta-ta.
00:00:43.54,00:00:47.01
Don't forget the checkie.[br]Can't produce plays without checkie.
00:00:47.31,00:00:52.01
You can count on me, you dirty young man.
00:00:55.72,00:00:56.72
Good-bye.
00:00:56.82,00:01:01.06
Bye-bye. Good-bye. Bye.
00:01:01.52,00:01:03.99
Bye-bye. Old buzzard.
00:01:16.14,00:01:17.81
Hold me. Touch me.
00:01:18.21,00:01:22.58
Hold me. Touch me.
00:01:23.78,00:01:25.35
Hold me. Touch me.
00:01:36.06,00:01:37.26
Darling.
00:01:37.63,00:01:39.96
Hold me. Touch me.
00:01:40.03,00:01:41.86
Not in the hall.
00:01:53.58,00:01:57.01
I know she's in here.[br]I wonder where she's hiding.
00:01:57.28,00:01:58.21
Where are you?
00:01:58.98,00:02:01.55
Where are you, devil woman?
00:02:06.62,00:02:09.32
"Finders keepers"
00:02:12.39,00:02:15.03
Here I come, ready or not.
00:02:23.64,00:02:26.11
There you are, you little flirt.
00:02:54.74,00:02:56.57
What's the matter?
00:02:56.64,00:02:59.74
Papa no want to play with baby?
00:02:59.91,00:03:04.45
- I think Papa's neck is broken.[br]- What a sissy.
00:03:07.38,00:03:08.95
Meow.
00:03:10.29,00:03:12.25
Meow.
00:03:14.02,00:03:16.96
I wonder where old Tom is tonight?
00:03:18.36,00:03:19.46
Oy.
00:04:09.54,00:04:13.25
Bialy. Bialy, darling, did I hurt you?
00:04:13.35,00:04:18.59
- It's only a flesh wound, lamb chop.[br]- Don't worry, darling.
00:04:25.19,00:04:27.80
I'll kiss it and make it well.
00:04:29.70,00:04:31.00
Mr. Bialystock.
00:04:31.40,00:04:33.90
Mr. Bialystock? How do you do?
00:04:34.00,00:04:36.47
My God. I mean...
00:04:42.14,00:04:43.58
...excuse me.
00:04:43.88,00:04:47.02
You mean, "oops," don't you?[br]Just say, "oops," and get out!
00:04:48.98,00:04:50.42
Not...
00:04:50.49,00:04:52.39
- "Oops!"[br]- Oops.
00:04:55.72,00:04:58.76
I can't abide a peeping Tom.
00:04:59.46,00:05:04.30
One in the apartment[br]just opposite my bedroom window.
00:05:04.57,00:05:07.34
I swear, that man never takes his...
00:05:07.40,00:05:10.87
...field glasses off me, not for a minute.
00:05:12.57,00:05:15.01
- Feeling better?[br]- Yes.
00:05:15.08,00:05:16.18
Good.
00:05:20.18,00:05:21.85
Let's fool around.
00:05:40.00,00:05:44.14
Now I'll be the innocent little milkmaid...
00:05:44.21,00:05:47.21
...and you be the naughty stable boy.
00:05:50.91,00:05:52.71
This milk is so heavy.
00:05:53.21,00:05:55.12
I'll never reach the house.
00:05:55.78,00:05:59.39
Help me. Will someone help me?
00:05:59.45,00:06:00.59
Wait!
00:06:01.02,00:06:03.56
We can't play today.[br]I have too many appointments.
00:06:03.66,00:06:04.83
We can't play today?
00:06:04.89,00:06:07.36
Thursday! We'll play on Thursday.
00:06:07.46,00:06:10.37
We'll play "The Contessa and The Chauffeur."
00:06:51.14,00:06:55.28
- The best one![br]- Until Thursday then, Contessa mia.
00:06:56.11,00:06:57.58
Contessa mia.
00:06:58.28,00:07:02.48
No, darling, please, just a little.
00:07:03.52,00:07:06.22
Money. I need money.
00:07:06.29,00:07:09.76
All right.
00:07:09.92,00:07:11.93
The Contessa and the Chauffeur.
00:07:15.83,00:07:18.40
So the Count hired you this morning, Rudolfo?
00:07:18.50,00:07:20.84
Watch the road.
00:07:20.90,00:07:24.71
I can't take my eyes off you.[br]How can I drive when you drive me mad?
00:07:24.77,00:07:28.14
- Mad![br]- Rudolfo, you dirty pig.
00:07:29.31,00:07:30.31
Pull over.
00:07:55.50,00:07:57.94
That's enough. Good.
00:07:58.01,00:07:59.37
We'll do the rest on Thursday.
00:07:59.47,00:08:02.81
Now, that's a good girl. I'll get you your purse...
00:08:02.88,00:08:03.81
...and your gloves.
00:08:03.88,00:08:04.61
Thursday.
00:08:06.88,00:08:08.12
Thursday.
00:08:08.38,00:08:10.85
Until Thursday, then, you bawdy wench.
00:08:12.15,00:08:15.32
- Hold me. Touch me.[br]- Thursday.
00:08:15.39,00:08:18.36
And then we'll finish playing[br]the Contessa and Rudolfo?
00:08:18.43,00:08:20.33
First thing on Thursday.
00:08:21.13,00:08:22.70
And after that...
00:08:22.76,00:08:26.20
...we'll play "The Abduction[br]and the Cruel Rape of Lucretia"...
00:08:26.27,00:08:27.67
...and I'll be Lucretia.
00:08:28.20,00:08:31.34
And I'll be Rape. On Thursday. That's wonderful.
00:08:32.24,00:08:36.68
Lucretia, you forgot the checkie.[br]Can't produce plays without checkie.
00:08:38.45,00:08:40.72
I had it with me all the time.
00:08:42.88,00:08:46.25
Is it okay? I made it out to "cash."[br]You didn't say the play's name.
00:08:46.32,00:08:50.09
Fine. Good. Thursday.
00:08:50.16,00:08:54.33
Good-bye, my powder pigeon. Bye-bye.
00:08:54.40,00:08:56.83
- Ta-ta.[br]- Ta-ta.
00:08:57.03,00:08:58.60
Good-bye.
00:08:58.93,00:09:02.44
He who signs the lease, must pay rent.
00:09:02.57,00:09:04.07
That's the law.
00:09:04.41,00:09:05.34
Why, you're a thief.
00:09:05.41,00:09:08.18
How can you take the last penny[br]out of a poor man's pocket?
00:09:08.24,00:09:09.58
I have to.
00:09:09.91,00:09:11.38
I'm a landlord.
00:09:11.71,00:09:14.35
Lord, hear my plea. Destroy him.
00:09:14.45,00:09:18.82
- He maketh a blight on the land.[br]- Don't listen to him. He's crazy.
00:09:19.42,00:09:22.36
That hurt. I must make another call.
00:09:43.35,00:09:44.45
Oops?
00:09:44.91,00:09:48.85
Who are you? What do you want?[br]Why are you loitering in my hallway?
00:09:48.92,00:09:50.52
Speak, dummy! Speak!
00:09:50.85,00:09:53.62
- Why don't you speak?[br]- Scared. Can't talk.
00:09:55.36,00:09:56.39
All right.
00:09:57.76,00:09:59.16
Get a hold of yourself.
00:09:59.53,00:10:01.03
Take a deep breath.
00:10:02.03,00:10:03.37
Let it out slowly...
00:10:04.43,00:10:05.80
And tell me, who are you?
00:10:06.90,00:10:10.67
I'm Leo Bloom. I am an accountant.[br]I'm from Whitehall and Marx.
00:10:10.74,00:10:13.58
I was sent here to do your books,[br]and I'm terribly sorry...
00:10:13.64,00:10:15.51
...I caught you with the old lady.
00:10:15.74,00:10:17.85
"Caught you with the old lady"?
00:10:18.51,00:10:20.55
Come in, Mr. Tact.
00:10:37.60,00:10:40.24
- So, you're an accountant?[br]- Yes, I am.
00:10:40.30,00:10:41.44
Then account for yourself!
00:10:41.50,00:10:43.37
Do you believe in God? Or gold?
00:10:43.44,00:10:45.34
Why are you looking up old ladies' dresses?
00:10:45.41,00:10:46.41
Bit of a pervert, eh?
00:10:47.81,00:10:49.51
Never mind. Do the books.
00:10:49.58,00:10:52.48
They're over there in that desk. Top drawer.
00:10:53.95,00:10:55.22
I'll take your coat.
00:10:55.72,00:10:57.45
- Thank you.[br]- You're welcome.
00:11:05.93,00:11:08.53
How dare you condemn me[br]without knowing all the facts!
00:11:08.63,00:11:09.53
Mr. Bialystock...
00:11:09.60,00:11:12.60
Shut up! I'm having a rhetorical conversation!
00:11:13.07,00:11:14.67
How humiliating.
00:11:15.04,00:11:16.57
Max Bialystock.
00:11:22.78,00:11:24.45
You know who I used to be?
00:11:25.18,00:11:29.25
Max Bialystock, King of Broadway![br]Six shows running at once!
00:11:30.65,00:11:32.45
Lunch at Delmonico's.
00:11:32.75,00:11:34.39
$200 suits.
00:11:37.63,00:11:38.73
You see this?
00:11:39.06,00:11:43.77
This once held a pearl as big as your eye![br]Look at me now. Look at me now!
00:11:45.53,00:11:47.97
I'm wearing a cardboard belt.
00:11:56.34,00:11:59.21
I used to have thousands of investors begging...
00:11:59.31,00:12:03.42
...pleading to put their money[br]in a Max Bialystock production.
00:12:04.35,00:12:06.32
Look at my investors now.
00:12:09.79,00:12:10.73
Voilà.
00:12:10.79,00:12:15.73
Hundreds of little old ladies[br]stopping off at Max Bialystock's office...
00:12:16.10,00:12:19.83
...to grab a last thrill on the way to the cemetery.
00:12:29.84,00:12:34.65
You have exactly 10 seconds[br]to change that look of disgusting pity...
00:12:34.72,00:12:37.12
...into one of enormous respect.
00:12:37.19,00:12:39.52
One, two...
00:12:39.59,00:12:42.26
Do the books.
00:12:43.99,00:12:45.89
I appreciate that, sir.
00:12:57.07,00:13:00.54
Window's so filthy,[br]can't tell whether it's day or night out there.
00:13:12.72,00:13:15.52
That's it, baby! When you got it, flaunt it!
00:13:15.59,00:13:16.83
Flaunt it!
00:13:20.73,00:13:21.90
Cough.
00:13:22.60,00:13:23.77
Cough!
00:13:29.07,00:13:33.11
I assume you're making those cartoon noises[br]to attract my attention.
00:13:34.91,00:13:38.35
Am I correct in my assumption,[br]you fish-faced enemy of the people?
00:13:38.85,00:13:40.75
I hurt your feelings.
00:13:41.05,00:13:44.62
- Good! What is it?[br]- May I speak to you for a minute?
00:13:46.49,00:13:49.16
Go. You have 58 seconds.
00:13:49.22,00:13:54.03
- In glancing at your books, I noticed that...[br]- You have 48 seconds left. Hurry.
00:13:54.10,00:13:58.10
- I glanced at your books, I noticed...[br]- 28 seconds. You're running out of time.
00:13:58.17,00:14:00.97
- Tick tock, tick tock...[br]- Mr. Bialystock...
00:14:01.04,00:14:03.27
...I cannot function under these conditions!
00:14:03.34,00:14:05.84
You're making me extremely nervous!
00:14:06.34,00:14:09.31
- What is that, a handkerchief?[br]- What? Nothing. That's nothing.
00:14:09.88,00:14:11.81
If it's nothing, why can't I see it?
00:14:13.18,00:14:16.15
My blanket! My blue blanket![br]Give me my blue blanket!
00:14:16.25,00:14:18.65
You... No! You...
00:14:19.85,00:14:22.39
Here.
00:14:22.46,00:14:23.86
Don't panic.
00:14:31.17,00:14:32.20
I'm sorry.
00:14:32.27,00:14:34.87
I don't like people touching my blue blanket.
00:14:35.70,00:14:39.57
It's not important. It's a minor compulsion.[br]I can deal with it if I want to.
00:14:40.08,00:14:42.78
It's just that I've had it ever since I was a baby...
00:14:42.84,00:14:45.28
...and I find it very comforting.
00:14:52.92,00:14:55.36
They come here. They all come here.
00:14:55.62,00:14:58.56
- How do they find me?[br]- May I speak to you?
00:14:58.86,00:15:00.53
Yes, Prince Mishkin.
00:15:00.73,00:15:04.73
- What can we do for you?[br]- This is hardly a time for levity.
00:15:05.13,00:15:07.44
I've discovered a serious error...
00:15:07.50,00:15:09.97
...in the accounts of your last play.[br]- Where? What?
00:15:10.07,00:15:12.81
According to the backers list, you raised $60,000.
00:15:12.94,00:15:15.41
But the play that you produced only cost $58,000.
00:15:15.48,00:15:17.31
That's $2,000 unaccounted for.
00:15:17.58,00:15:20.92
I went to a Turkish bath.[br]Who cares? The play was a flop!
00:15:20.98,00:15:23.79
- What difference does it make?[br]- What difference does it make?
00:15:23.85,00:15:26.69
That's fraud![br]If they found out, you could go to prison.
00:15:26.76,00:15:29.89
Who's gonna find out? It's only $2,000.[br]Bloom, do me a favor.
00:15:29.96,00:15:32.56
Move a few decimal points around.[br]You're an accountant.
00:15:32.63,00:15:36.63
You're in a noble profession.[br]The word "count" is part of your title.
00:15:36.73,00:15:37.73
That's cheating.
00:15:37.83,00:15:40.87
It's not cheating. It's charity.
00:15:41.17,00:15:42.84
Bloom, look at me.
00:15:43.41,00:15:44.87
Look at me!
00:15:45.77,00:15:47.54
I'm drowning.
00:15:48.81,00:15:52.88
Other men sail through life.[br]Bialystock has struck a reef.
00:15:54.18,00:15:57.22
I'm going under.
00:15:58.15,00:16:01.06
I'm being sunk[br]by a society that demands success...
00:16:01.12,00:16:02.92
...when all I can offer is failure.
00:16:03.09,00:16:06.03
Bloom, I'm reaching out to you.
00:16:07.33,00:16:09.30
Don't send me to prison.
00:16:10.30,00:16:12.20
Help!
00:16:15.17,00:16:18.87
Help me, Bloom. Bloom, help me.
00:16:20.71,00:16:23.28
I'll do it!
00:16:23.51,00:16:26.48
- Thank you. I knew I could con you.[br]- That's all right. What?
00:16:26.55,00:16:28.65
Nothing. Do it.
00:16:29.02,00:16:31.35
Right. Let's see. $2,000.
00:16:32.19,00:16:33.39
$2,000.
00:16:34.36,00:16:37.76
That isn't much.[br]I'm sure I can hide it somewhere.
00:16:39.03,00:16:42.33
After all, the Internal Revenue Service[br]isn't interested in a flop.
00:16:42.40,00:16:45.17
Yes, right. Good thinking. You figure it out.
00:16:45.23,00:16:49.14
I'm tired. I'm gonna take a little nap.[br]Wake me if there's a fire.
00:16:49.20,00:16:53.41
Let's see if we add these we get, 10...
00:16:53.91,00:16:54.91
...four...
00:16:59.21,00:17:00.45
Amazing.
00:17:01.12,00:17:02.78
It's absolutely amazing.
00:17:03.32,00:17:04.92
Under the right circumstances...
00:17:04.99,00:17:07.22
...a producer could make[br]more money with a flop...
00:17:07.29,00:17:08.66
...than he could with a hit.
00:17:11.49,00:17:12.93
Yes, it's quite possible.
00:17:12.99,00:17:16.43
If he were certain that the show would fail,[br]a man could make a fortune!
00:17:16.50,00:17:17.53
Yes?
00:17:17.77,00:17:20.47
- Yes what?[br]- What you were saying? Keep talking.
00:17:20.54,00:17:21.57
What was I saying?
00:17:21.64,00:17:23.64
That under the right circumstances...
00:17:23.71,00:17:25.94
...a producer could make[br]more money with a flop...
00:17:26.01,00:17:27.51
...than he could with a hit.
00:17:27.58,00:17:29.41
Yes, it's quite possible.
00:17:29.48,00:17:32.31
You keep saying that, but you don't tell me how.
00:17:32.38,00:17:34.68
How can a producer[br]make more money with a flop...
00:17:34.75,00:17:35.95
...than he could with a hit?
00:17:36.02,00:17:38.82
It's simply a matter of creative accounting.
00:17:38.89,00:17:42.32
Let's assume, just for the moment,[br]that you are a dishonest man.
00:17:42.42,00:17:44.06
- Assume away.[br]- It's very easy.
00:17:44.13,00:17:46.36
You simply raise[br]more money than you really need.
00:17:46.43,00:17:47.43
What do you mean?
00:17:47.50,00:17:50.27
You did it yourself,[br]only you did it on a very small scale.
00:17:50.33,00:17:51.20
What'd I do?
00:17:51.27,00:17:54.47
You raised $2,000 more than you needed[br]to produce your last play.
00:17:54.54,00:17:57.01
So? What did it get me?[br]I'm wearing a cardboard belt!
00:17:57.07,00:17:59.94
That's where you made your mistake.[br]You didn't go all the way.
00:18:00.01,00:18:03.88
You see, if you were really a bold criminal,[br]you could have raised $1 million.
00:18:03.95,00:18:06.41
But the play only cost me $60,000 to produce.
00:18:06.48,00:18:07.45
And how long did it run?
00:18:07.55,00:18:08.82
- One night.[br]- You see?
00:18:08.88,00:18:10.29
Do you see what I'm trying to say?
00:18:10.35,00:18:12.99
You could have raised $1 million,[br]put on a $60,000 flop...
00:18:13.05,00:18:14.29
...and kept the rest.
00:18:14.36,00:18:16.96
- But what if the play was a hit?[br]- Then you'd go to jail.
00:18:17.03,00:18:19.43
Once the play's a hit,[br]you have to pay the backers...
00:18:19.49,00:18:23.40
...and with so many, there could never be[br]enough profits to go around. Get it?
00:18:26.47,00:18:28.30
So in order for this scheme to work...
00:18:28.37,00:18:30.77
...we'd have to find a sure-fire flop.
00:18:30.87,00:18:33.11
- What scheme?[br]- "What scheme?"
00:18:33.27,00:18:35.61
Your scheme, you bloody little genius!
00:18:35.68,00:18:37.28
I meant no scheme.
00:18:37.35,00:18:39.65
I merely posed a little[br]academic accounting theory.
00:18:39.71,00:18:40.98
It was just a thought.
00:18:41.05,00:18:45.02
Worlds are turned on such thoughts.
00:18:46.89,00:18:50.33
Don't you see, Bloom?[br]Darling Bloom. Glorious Bloom.
00:18:50.39,00:18:51.46
It's so simple.
00:18:51.53,00:18:53.56
Step one, we find the worst play in the world.
00:18:53.66,00:18:54.60
A sure-fire flop.
00:18:54.66,00:18:58.27
Step two, I raise $1 million.[br]There's a lot of old ladies in the world.
00:18:58.33,00:19:00.07
Step three, you work on the books...
00:19:00.14,00:19:02.77
...phony list of backers for the government.
00:19:02.84,00:19:06.21
You can do it, Bloom. You're a wizard.[br]Step four, we open on Broadway.
00:19:06.27,00:19:09.31
And before you can say "step five,"[br]we close on Broadway.
00:19:09.54,00:19:13.25
Step six, we take our $1 million,[br]we fly to Rio de Janeiro!
00:19:13.31,00:19:14.28
"Rio
00:19:14.38,00:19:16.92
- "Rio by the sea-o"[br]- Mr. Bialystock, wait a minute.
00:19:19.05,00:19:20.79
You're holding me too tight.
00:19:22.62,00:19:25.06
I'm an honest man. You don't understand.
00:19:25.13,00:19:28.43
No, you don't understand![br]This is fate! This is destiny!
00:19:28.50,00:19:30.90
This is kismet! There's no avoiding it.
00:19:30.97,00:19:34.20
Not more than five minutes ago,[br]I doctored your books!
00:19:34.27,00:19:37.14
That, sir, is the ultimate extent of my criminal life!
00:19:40.41,00:19:42.31
I want that money!
00:19:43.65,00:19:45.28
I fell on my keys.
00:19:46.05,00:19:50.02
You miserable, cowardly,[br]wretched, little caterpillar.
00:19:50.12,00:19:52.12
Don't you ever want to become a butterfly?
00:19:52.22,00:19:56.09
Don't you want to spread your wings[br]and flap your way to glory?
00:19:56.32,00:19:57.93
You're gonna jump on me.
00:19:58.36,00:20:01.13
You're gonna jump on me![br]I know you're gonna jump on me!
00:20:01.20,00:20:03.90
- Like Nero jumped on Poppaea.[br]- Who?
00:20:04.00,00:20:06.77
Poppaea! She was his wife.[br]She was unfaithful to him...
00:20:06.84,00:20:10.27
...so he got mad and jumped on her[br]up and down, up and down...
00:20:10.37,00:20:12.44
...until he squashed her like a bug!
00:20:12.51,00:20:15.78
- Please don't jump on me![br]- I'm not gonna jump on you!
00:20:15.84,00:20:17.08
I'm not gonna jump on you!
00:20:18.51,00:20:21.75
- Will you get a hold of yourself?[br]- Don't touch me!
00:20:24.52,00:20:26.89
I'm not gonna hurt you.[br]What's the matter with you?
00:20:26.96,00:20:30.56
I'm hysterical![br]I'm having hysterics. I'm hysterical.
00:20:30.86,00:20:34.43
I can't stop when I get like this.[br]I can't stop. I'm hysterical.
00:20:38.23,00:20:39.47
I'm wet!
00:20:40.04,00:20:41.37
I'm wet!
00:20:41.77,00:20:43.84
I'm hysterical, and I'm wet!
00:20:44.91,00:20:46.41
I'm in pain!
00:20:46.98,00:20:48.38
And I'm wet!
00:20:49.28,00:20:52.61
And I'm still hysterical![br]No, don't hit. It doesn't help.
00:20:52.68,00:20:56.32
- It only increases my sense of danger.[br]- What can I do?
00:20:56.38,00:20:59.75
- You're getting me hysterical.[br]- Go away. You frighten me.
00:20:59.82,00:21:01.66
- Where shall I go?[br]- Sit over there.
00:21:01.72,00:21:03.12
Okay.
00:21:04.96,00:21:06.56
Okay.
00:21:07.03,00:21:09.46
I'm over here. This better?
00:21:09.53,00:21:12.50
That's better. But you still look angry.
00:21:14.44,00:21:15.80
How's this?
00:21:17.07,00:21:18.21
Good.
00:21:18.47,00:21:19.87
That's good.
00:21:20.64,00:21:22.28
That's very nice.
00:21:23.88,00:21:25.78
I think I'm coming out of it now.
00:21:27.45,00:21:28.45
Yes.
00:21:28.82,00:21:30.72
I'm definitely coming out of it.
00:21:33.32,00:21:36.02
Thank you for smiling. That helped a great deal.
00:21:36.12,00:21:37.76
You know what they say:
00:21:37.86,00:21:40.43
"Smile and the world smiles with you."
00:21:42.26,00:21:44.87
This man should be in a straitjacket.
00:21:45.07,00:21:46.10
Feeling better?
00:21:46.17,00:21:49.60
Much, thank you, but I am a little lightheaded.
00:21:49.70,00:21:51.84
Maybe I should eat something.
00:21:52.07,00:21:53.44
Hysterical attacks have a way...
00:21:53.51,00:21:55.91
...of severely depleting[br]one's blood sugar, you know.
00:21:55.98,00:21:58.48
They certainly do.
00:21:58.65,00:22:01.15
Come. Let me take you to lunch.
00:22:09.32,00:22:12.56
You know, it's very nice[br]of you to take me to lunch, Mr. Bialystock.
00:22:12.83,00:22:15.93
Call me Max. You know I don't[br]let everybody call me Max.
00:22:16.13,00:22:19.70
- It's only those people I like.[br]- Okay, Max.
00:22:19.97,00:22:22.94
- And you can call me Leo.[br]- I already have.
00:22:24.07,00:22:26.81
Where shall we go for lunch?
00:22:27.28,00:22:31.78
Max, I don't know, Max. What do you think, Max?
00:22:32.48,00:22:34.95
Leo, it's such a beautiful day...
00:22:35.05,00:22:37.52
...why go to a dark, stuffy restaurant?
00:22:37.72,00:22:39.49
Let's dine al fresco.
00:22:39.69,00:22:42.96
- This is al fresco?[br]- The finest. Thank you.
00:22:44.36,00:22:48.16
Excellent.[br]Please tender our compliments to the chef.
00:22:48.23,00:22:51.70
- Please tender half a buck.[br]- Of course. Here you are, my good man.
00:22:51.87,00:22:54.97
I'm not your good man.[br]I happen to own this establishment.
00:22:55.04,00:22:56.37
Give me the change.
00:22:58.61,00:23:00.51
Everybody's a big shot.
00:23:01.91,00:23:05.05
Leo, what say we promenade through the park?
00:23:05.11,00:23:06.65
I'd love to, but it's nearly 2:00.
00:23:06.72,00:23:08.75
I should get back to Whitehall and Marx.
00:23:08.82,00:23:11.22
Nonsense.[br]As far as Whitehall and Marx is concerned...
00:23:11.29,00:23:13.39
...you're working with Max Bialystock, right?
00:23:13.46,00:23:16.66
- Right.[br]- Then stick with Bialystock.
00:23:35.44,00:23:37.48
Lovely out here, isn't it?
00:23:37.75,00:23:40.98
I wish I could enjoy it. I'm so nervous.
00:23:41.32,00:23:43.32
What if someone from the office should see me?
00:23:43.42,00:23:46.49
Then you'd see them,[br]and why aren't they at the office?
00:23:48.96,00:23:50.43
That's right.
00:23:51.03,00:23:53.33
That's it, Leo. You're learning.
00:23:54.46,00:23:56.00
Having a good time?
00:23:56.53,00:23:58.83
I don't know. I feel so strange.
00:23:59.60,00:24:01.40
Maybe you're happy.
00:24:01.90,00:24:03.64
That's it. I'm happy.
00:24:07.11,00:24:09.08
What do you know about that?
00:24:09.68,00:24:10.88
I'm happy!
00:24:12.18,00:24:13.65
I'm happy!
00:24:17.49,00:24:21.76
There it is, Bloom.[br]The most exciting city in the world.
00:24:21.82,00:24:24.76
Thrills, adventure, romance.
00:24:25.36,00:24:28.56
Everything you ever dreamed of is down there.
00:24:29.43,00:24:33.13
Big black limousines. Gold cigarette cases.
00:24:33.20,00:24:36.14
Elegant ladies with long legs.
00:24:36.67,00:24:39.11
All you need is money.
00:24:39.74,00:24:41.61
Money is honey.
00:24:41.84,00:24:43.58
Money is honey.
00:24:44.08,00:24:46.48
Leo, he who hesitates is poor.
00:24:48.48,00:24:50.52
Don't let me influence you.
00:24:50.72,00:24:54.66
- It's your decision.[br]- But if we get caught, we'll go to prison.
00:24:54.72,00:24:58.99
You think you're not in prison now?[br]Living in a gray, little room?
00:24:59.56,00:25:04.20
Going to a gray, little job?[br]Leading a gray, little life?
00:25:04.80,00:25:05.80
That's right.
00:25:06.37,00:25:07.70
I'm a nothing.
00:25:08.80,00:25:11.74
I spend my life counting other people's money.
00:25:12.41,00:25:14.11
People I'm smarter than.
00:25:14.64,00:25:15.84
Better than.
00:25:17.28,00:25:18.88
Where's my share?
00:25:19.98,00:25:21.85
Where's Leo Bloom's share?
00:25:23.15,00:25:24.22
I want...
00:25:25.12,00:25:26.39
I want...
00:25:27.16,00:25:29.92
I want everything I've ever seen in the movies!
00:25:29.99,00:25:31.89
Leo, say you'll join me!
00:25:32.59,00:25:33.96
I'll do it!
00:25:35.03,00:25:38.30
My God, I'll do it!
00:25:38.37,00:25:39.70
I'll do it!
00:25:43.00,00:25:44.47
I'm Leo Bloom!
00:25:45.77,00:25:47.08
I'm me!
00:25:47.78,00:25:49.58
I can do whatever I want!
00:25:49.94,00:25:51.35
It doesn't matter!
00:25:51.91,00:25:53.31
I'm Leo Bloom!
00:26:17.61,00:26:20.48
Max, let's call it a night. It's 2:00 in the morning.
00:26:20.54,00:26:23.51
- I don't know what I'm reading anymore.[br]- Read.
00:26:23.58,00:26:26.15
We've got to find the worst play ever written.
00:26:30.85,00:26:33.42
"Gregor Samsa woke one morning...
00:26:33.66,00:26:37.03
"...to discover that he had been transformed...
00:26:37.09,00:26:39.06
"...into a giant cockroach."
00:26:39.93,00:26:41.43
It's too good.
00:26:45.80,00:26:47.27
Wait a minute.
00:26:48.07,00:26:49.57
Wait a minute.
00:26:50.61,00:26:52.24
I've read this play.
00:26:53.48,00:26:55.88
I'm reading plays I read this morning.
00:26:57.11,00:26:58.58
I can't go on.
00:26:58.88,00:27:00.18
It's too much.
00:27:01.28,00:27:04.72
Max, let's face it, we'll never find it.
00:27:08.86,00:27:10.46
"We'll never find it."
00:27:10.56,00:27:12.16
"We'll never find it."
00:27:15.50,00:27:16.77
"We'll never find it"?
00:27:16.83,00:27:18.20
"Rio
00:27:18.30,00:27:19.87
"Rio by the sea-o
00:27:19.93,00:27:21.37
"Bialystock and Leo
00:27:21.44,00:27:23.41
"Oh, me-o, Oh, my-o"
00:27:23.97,00:27:25.14
Leo...
00:27:26.17,00:27:27.41
Smell it.
00:27:27.64,00:27:29.61
See it? Touch it.
00:27:29.71,00:27:31.48
- What is it?[br]- "What is it?"
00:27:31.55,00:27:32.58
We've struck gold.
00:27:32.65,00:27:34.65
Not fool's gold, but real gold.
00:27:34.72,00:27:36.75
The mother lode.
00:27:37.79,00:27:39.25
The mother of them all.
00:27:39.72,00:27:41.36
Kiss it, kiss it.
00:27:41.62,00:27:42.96
You found a flop.
00:27:43.02,00:27:45.49
"A flop." That's putting it mildly.
00:27:45.56,00:27:47.96
We've found a disaster,[br]a catastrophe, an outrage!
00:27:48.03,00:27:51.60
- A guaranteed-to-close-in-one-night beauty.[br]- Let's see it.
00:27:51.67,00:27:54.90
This is freedom from want forever.[br]This is a house in the country.
00:27:54.97,00:27:56.77
This is a Rolls Royce and a Bentley.
00:27:56.84,00:27:59.91
This is wine, women, and song and women.
00:28:00.71,00:28:02.68
"Springtime for Hitler.
00:28:03.11,00:28:06.85
"A gay romp with Adolf and Eva[br]at Berchtesgaden."
00:28:10.12,00:28:12.32
It's practically a love letter to Hitler.
00:28:12.39,00:28:15.39
- This won't run a week.[br]- A week? Are you kidding?
00:28:15.49,00:28:19.63
- This play has got to close on page four.[br]- Who wrote it?
00:28:19.69,00:28:22.40
Who? Read, right there, read.
00:28:22.46,00:28:23.50
- "Franz...[br]- Franz.
00:28:23.60,00:28:25.00
- "...Liebkind.[br]- Liebkind.
00:28:25.07,00:28:26.17
- "100...[br]- 100.
00:28:26.23,00:28:27.30
- "...West...[br]- West.
00:28:27.40,00:28:28.74
- "...Jane street."[br]- Jane street.
00:28:28.80,00:28:30.01
Franz Liebkind.
00:28:30.21,00:28:32.17
100 West Jane Street.
00:28:41.08,00:28:44.22
- Who do you want?[br]- I beg your pardon?
00:28:44.29,00:28:45.22
Who do you want?
00:28:45.29,00:28:48.46
No one gets in the building[br]unless I know who they want.
00:28:48.52,00:28:49.99
I'm the concierge.
00:28:50.29,00:28:53.60
My husband used to be the concierge,[br]but he's dead.
00:28:53.80,00:28:55.66
Now I'm the concierge.
00:28:57.27,00:28:59.50
We are seeking Franz Liebkind.
00:28:59.87,00:29:01.40
The kraut.
00:29:01.74,00:29:04.54
He's on the top floor, apartment 23.
00:29:04.84,00:29:06.34
- Thank you.[br]- Thank you.
00:29:06.44,00:29:08.51
But you won't find him there.
00:29:08.71,00:29:10.78
He's up on the roof with his birds.
00:29:11.51,00:29:13.05
He keeps birds.
00:29:13.92,00:29:17.02
Dirty, disgusting, filthy...
00:29:17.09,00:29:19.12
...lice-ridden birds.
00:29:20.36,00:29:23.46
You used to be able to sit out[br]on the stoop like a person.
00:29:24.09,00:29:26.43
Not anymore. No, sir.
00:29:27.46,00:29:28.63
Birds.
00:29:29.16,00:29:31.80
- You get my drift?[br]- We get it.
00:29:31.87,00:29:34.70
We get your drift. Thank you, madam.
00:29:35.44,00:29:38.67
I'm not a madam! I'm a concierge!
00:29:48.78,00:29:50.42
He's wearing a German helmet.
00:29:51.65,00:29:55.09
Don't say anything to offend him.[br]We need that play.
00:30:06.17,00:30:09.47
- Franz Liebkind?[br]- I was never a member of the Nazi party!
00:30:09.54,00:30:12.64
I'm not responsible! I only followed orders!
00:30:12.74,00:30:15.41
Who are you? Why do you persecute me?
00:30:15.48,00:30:19.31
My papers are in order.[br]I love my adopted country.
00:30:26.86,00:30:28.16
What do you want?
00:30:28.46,00:30:31.66
Relax, Mr. Liebkind.[br]We're not from the government.
00:30:31.73,00:30:34.56
- We came here to talk about your play.[br]- My play?
00:30:34.96,00:30:38.50
- You mean Springtime for You-know-who?[br]- Yes.
00:30:38.57,00:30:40.07
What about it?
00:30:40.77,00:30:43.91
We love it. We think it's a masterpiece.[br]That's why we're here.
00:30:43.97,00:30:45.67
We wish to produce it on Broadway.
00:30:47.11,00:30:48.38
Broadway.
00:30:49.81,00:30:51.58
Oh, joy of joys.
00:30:52.21,00:30:54.42
Oh, dream of dreams.
00:30:54.48,00:30:56.05
I can't believe it.
00:30:56.42,00:30:59.42
I must tell the birds. Birds!
00:30:59.49,00:31:00.69
Birds, do you hear?
00:31:00.79,00:31:03.29
Otto! Berthe! Hans!
00:31:04.36,00:31:08.50
Do you hear?[br]We are going to clear the Führer's name.
00:31:18.77,00:31:22.58
Mr. Liebkind, please. People can hear.
00:31:29.12,00:31:31.89
This is not a place to talk.[br]Come, we'll go to my flat.
00:31:32.19,00:31:33.79
An occasion like this...
00:31:33.89,00:31:35.49
...calls for schnapps!
00:31:52.34,00:31:54.98
You know, not many people knew it...
00:31:56.04,00:31:59.18
...but the Führer was a terrific dancer.
00:32:01.65,00:32:04.22
Really? I never dreamed that...
00:32:04.32,00:32:07.29
That is because that you were taken in...
00:32:07.79,00:32:10.23
...by that verdammte Allied propaganda!
00:32:10.29,00:32:12.63
Such filthy lies! They told lies!
00:32:13.70,00:32:17.23
But nobody ever said a bad word[br]about Winston Churchill, did they?
00:32:17.33,00:32:19.30
No! "Win with Winnie!"
00:32:22.47,00:32:23.81
Churchill!
00:32:24.91,00:32:27.41
With his cigars. With his brandy.
00:32:27.51,00:32:31.81
And his rotten painting, rotten![br]Hitler, there was a painter.
00:32:31.88,00:32:35.65
He could paint an entire apartment[br]in one afternoon! Two coats!
00:32:38.42,00:32:41.29
Churchill. He couldn't even say "Nazi."
00:32:41.36,00:32:45.23
He would say, "Noses. Noses."
00:32:45.29,00:32:46.33
It wasn't Noses!
00:32:46.39,00:32:47.93
It was Nazis!
00:32:52.20,00:32:53.54
Churchill!
00:32:54.14,00:32:57.57
- Exactly why...[br]- Let me tell you this!
00:32:58.44,00:33:01.51
And you're hearing this straight from the horse!
00:33:01.58,00:33:06.38
Hitler was better looking than Churchill.[br]He was a better dresser than Churchill.
00:33:06.45,00:33:09.35
He had more hair! He told funnier jokes!
00:33:09.42,00:33:12.22
And he could dance the pants off of Churchill!
00:33:12.49,00:33:15.19
- Exactly why...[br]- Churchill!
00:33:15.26,00:33:17.96
Yes. Churchill!
00:33:18.33,00:33:21.36
That's exactly why we want to produce this play...
00:33:21.76,00:33:25.57
...to show the world the true Hitler,[br]the Hitler you loved...
00:33:25.63,00:33:29.77
...the Hitler you knew,[br]the Hitler with a song in his heart.
00:33:50.86,00:33:53.13
Here, Franz Liebkind, sign here...
00:33:53.43,00:33:56.03
...and make your dream a reality.
00:33:56.87,00:33:57.50
Here it is!
00:33:57.57,00:34:01.17
Springtime for Hitler,[br]signed, sealed, and delivered.
00:34:01.50,00:34:03.94
- What's the matter?[br]- I'm not wearing this armband.
00:34:04.01,00:34:06.27
I don't care how big the deal is.
00:34:06.34,00:34:08.61
Okay. Take it off.
00:34:16.58,00:34:17.79
Taxi!
00:34:19.39,00:34:20.76
The Blue Gypsy.
00:34:21.42,00:34:23.12
Why are we going to the Blue Gypsy?
00:34:23.73,00:34:25.93
We are not going to the Blue Gypsy.
00:34:26.16,00:34:28.23
I am going to the Blue Gypsy.
00:34:28.30,00:34:30.73
I have a rendezvous with a lady of some means.
00:34:35.57,00:34:39.24
You see, my dear Bloom, phase one is complete.
00:34:39.31,00:34:42.41
The play is ours.[br]We are now entering phase two...
00:34:42.48,00:34:44.25
...the raising of the money.
00:34:44.31,00:34:47.05
In the days to come,[br]you will see very little of me...
00:34:47.12,00:34:51.39
...for Max Bialystock is launching himself[br]into little-old-lady land.
00:34:51.45,00:34:53.66
Adieu. Avanti!
00:35:05.03,00:35:07.57
You're incorrigible, Bialy.
00:35:07.70,00:35:12.24
- Here's to the success of your new play.[br]- Our new play, my love.
00:35:14.21,00:35:16.71
Bialy, I'm so sorry.
00:35:17.18,00:35:20.15
- Did I wet you?[br]- Think nothing of it, my dear.
00:35:20.42,00:35:23.12
A mere trifle.
00:35:23.49,00:35:25.22
Did you bring the checkie?
00:35:25.52,00:35:28.32
Yes, I have it right here in my purse.
00:35:28.99,00:35:33.16
And I made it out just like you told me.[br]To "cash."
00:35:33.23,00:35:35.50
That's a funny name for a play.
00:35:35.90,00:35:38.07
Think nothing of it, my dear.
00:36:18.64,00:36:21.31
- Thank you, my dear.[br]- Say it again, Bialy.
00:36:21.41,00:36:24.98
And I swear to you on my life,[br]you don't look a day over 65.
00:36:26.92,00:36:28.68
There you are.
00:36:30.35,00:36:32.92
- I love you.[br]- What?
00:36:33.86,00:36:35.22
I love you.
00:36:35.49,00:36:36.66
What?
00:36:37.39,00:36:38.66
I love you!
00:36:47.17,00:36:49.94
Go, Bialy-baby, go!
00:36:59.05,00:37:00.65
Who is it?
00:37:01.32,00:37:03.08
It's Max Bialystock.
00:37:03.32,00:37:07.09
Good. I thought it was a burglar.
00:37:07.36,00:37:09.56
Wait. I'll let you in.
00:37:49.46,00:37:51.10
Mrs. Sarah Cathcart.
00:37:51.50,00:37:53.57
She owns 50 percent of the profits.
00:37:55.10,00:37:56.97
Mrs. Virginia Resnick.
00:37:57.61,00:37:59.94
She also owns 50 percent of the profits.
00:38:01.88,00:38:03.85
Mrs. Eleanor Biddlecomb.
00:38:04.31,00:38:06.65
She also owns 50 percent of the profits.
00:38:07.82,00:38:09.58
Mrs. Alma Wentworth.
00:38:10.05,00:38:12.19
She owns 100 percent of the profits.
00:38:12.82,00:38:16.09
Leo, how much percentage of a play[br]can there be altogether?
00:38:16.16,00:38:18.76
You can only sell 100 percent of anything.
00:38:19.39,00:38:22.66
And how much[br]of Springtime for Hitler have we sold?
00:38:23.20,00:38:24.97
25,000 percent.
00:38:25.53,00:38:28.67
25,000 percent.
00:38:29.60,00:38:31.51
Give me that blue thing.
00:38:36.24,00:38:39.18
Where are you going?[br]We haven't finished signing the contracts.
00:38:39.25,00:38:41.05
I have to see that money.
00:38:50.83,00:38:52.53
Hello, boys.
00:38:53.33,00:38:56.00
If you only knew what I went through for you.
00:38:59.60,00:39:02.60
- What are you doing?[br]- I'm gonna buy myself a toy.
00:39:02.70,00:39:05.67
I worked very, very hard,[br]and I think I deserve a toy.
00:39:05.74,00:39:06.71
A toy?
00:39:06.98,00:39:08.11
A toy.
00:39:10.95,00:39:12.41
That's a toy?
00:39:12.81,00:39:17.52
She happens to be our new receptionist.[br]She goes with our new surroundings.
00:39:17.99,00:39:19.09
Ulla.
00:39:23.12,00:39:24.19
Ulla.
00:39:24.63,00:39:27.10
Ulla, I want you to meet[br]my associate and partner...
00:39:27.16,00:39:28.43
...Mr. Leo Bloom.
00:39:30.03,00:39:31.03
I beg your pardon?
00:39:35.97,00:39:39.54
Have you gone mad?[br]A receptionist that can't speak English?
00:39:39.64,00:39:41.11
What will people say?
00:39:41.21,00:39:44.88
They'll say...
00:39:44.95,00:39:46.58
What is she going to do here?
00:39:47.38,00:39:49.02
I'll show you.
00:39:49.08,00:39:50.12
Ulla...
00:39:50.49,00:39:52.39
...go to work.
00:39:52.82,00:39:54.59
Go to work.
00:40:20.82,00:40:23.52
Ulla, okay. Okay, Ulla.
00:40:23.79,00:40:25.25
Cream puff...
00:40:25.69,00:40:28.69
...sweetie pie, pussycat, okay.
00:40:28.99,00:40:30.23
Ulla!
00:40:31.09,00:40:32.43
Stop work!
00:40:39.03,00:40:42.37
Would you believe it?[br]I met her at the public library.
00:40:44.64,00:40:45.74
Ulla.
00:40:47.98,00:40:50.35
Go to desk. Answer telephone...
00:40:50.41,00:40:53.85
..."Bialystock and Bloom."
00:41:05.23,00:41:06.59
Nice girl.
00:41:07.70,00:41:09.06
Bloom.
00:41:09.36,00:41:12.97
- Take a cigar.[br]- Max, maybe we should both...
00:41:13.40,00:41:16.20
- What's that?[br]- Nothing. Go on.
00:41:26.38,00:41:27.95
Smart as a whip.
00:41:38.03,00:41:39.56
No.
00:41:40.73,00:41:42.66
No.
00:41:45.90,00:41:48.07
You Swedish tease.
00:41:51.01,00:41:52.44
You'll bury me.
00:42:00.82,00:42:02.55
Leo, what were you saying?
00:42:03.05,00:42:05.02
What? Max...
00:42:05.35,00:42:07.82
Maybe we should[br]go a little easier on the spending.
00:42:07.89,00:42:12.03
- I mean, these offices and all.[br]- Why? Take it when you can get it.
00:42:12.09,00:42:13.93
Flaunt it, baby! Flaunt it!
00:42:14.00,00:42:15.83
But if something should go wrong...
00:42:15.90,00:42:17.80
...we could give back some of the money.
00:42:17.87,00:42:22.07
- I mean, it would look better in court.[br]- Stop talking like that, you white mouse.
00:42:22.77,00:42:24.24
Nothing is gonna go wrong.
00:42:24.31,00:42:27.21
As a matter of fact, today,[br]I have taken steps to make sure...
00:42:27.28,00:42:30.05
...that Springtime for Hitler[br]will be a total disaster.
00:42:30.68,00:42:34.65
At 2:00, we have an appointment[br]with none other than Roger de Bris.
00:42:34.72,00:42:36.08
Roger de Bris?
00:42:36.52,00:42:39.29
What? Oh, the director. Is he good?
00:42:39.35,00:42:41.62
- I mean, is he bad?[br]- He stinks.
00:42:41.99,00:42:44.76
He's perhaps the worst director that ever lived.
00:42:44.83,00:42:48.86
He's the only director whose plays close[br]on the first day of rehearsal.
00:42:48.96,00:42:53.00
- Do you think he'll take the job?[br]- Only if we ask him.
00:42:53.47,00:42:56.27
It's late. I'll get the car.
00:42:59.07,00:43:00.11
Ja?
00:43:00.88,00:43:03.38
Call chauffeur. Get car.
00:43:03.48,00:43:05.78
Good. We go to motel?
00:43:05.85,00:43:07.62
No. We go.
00:43:08.15,00:43:11.55
You and Mr. Bloom go to motel?
00:43:11.72,00:43:13.79
No. No motel.
00:43:14.06,00:43:15.69
Get car.
00:43:15.92,00:43:18.23
"Get car."
00:43:19.69,00:43:20.93
"Get car."
00:43:34.71,00:43:36.44
Thank you, Rudolfo.
00:43:42.15,00:43:44.72
Now, don't let anything he says or does[br]upset you.
00:43:44.82,00:43:47.66
- He's a little peculiar.[br]- What do you mean?
00:43:47.89,00:43:49.19
Yes?
00:43:51.86,00:43:55.50
I am Max Bialystock.[br]This is my associate, Mr. Bloom.
00:43:55.60,00:43:57.90
We have an appointment with Mr. de Bris.
00:43:57.97,00:44:01.34
Yes, you are expected. Please do come in.
00:44:12.05,00:44:13.08
How do you do?
00:44:13.15,00:44:16.25
I am Carmen Giya,[br]Monsieur de Bris' private secretary.
00:44:16.35,00:44:18.15
Would you please remove your shoes?
00:44:21.69,00:44:24.33
White, white, white is the color of our carpet.
00:44:27.86,00:44:29.83
Will you please follow me?
00:45:24.18,00:45:25.38
Please.
00:45:34.89,00:45:36.46
We're not alone!
00:45:37.79,00:45:39.36
Please sit down.
00:45:40.29,00:45:41.43
Roger?
00:45:43.40,00:45:46.10
Messieurs Bialystock and Bloom, I presume?
00:45:47.00,00:45:48.04
Forgive the pun.
00:45:49.67,00:45:52.54
- What pun?[br]- Shut up. He thinks he's witty.
00:45:53.34,00:45:55.28
Good to see you again, Roger.
00:45:55.34,00:45:58.01
Did you get a chance to read[br]Springtime for Hitler?
00:45:58.11,00:46:01.01
Remarkable. Remarkable.
00:46:02.88,00:46:04.85
A stunning piece of work.
00:46:06.09,00:46:08.49
Max, he's wearing a dress.
00:46:09.52,00:46:10.69
No kidding.
00:46:10.79,00:46:15.10
I, for one, think it is a very important play.
00:46:17.10,00:46:21.10
Do you know,[br]I never realized that the Third Reich...
00:46:21.20,00:46:22.54
...meant Germany?
00:46:22.80,00:46:26.21
I mean, it's drenched[br]with historical goodies like that.
00:46:28.31,00:46:29.54
Oh, dear.
00:46:30.14,00:46:31.88
You're staring at my dress.
00:46:32.25,00:46:33.88
I should explain.
00:46:34.15,00:46:36.62
I'm going to the choreographer's ball tonight.
00:46:36.78,00:46:40.49
- There is a prize for the best costume.[br]- And we always win.
00:46:40.55,00:46:42.72
I'm not so sure about tonight.
00:46:42.82,00:46:45.66
I'm supposed to be[br]the Grand Duchess Anastasia...
00:46:46.13,00:46:48.33
...but I think I look more like Tugboat Annie.
00:46:48.43,00:46:49.46
- What do you think?[br]- I...
00:46:49.56,00:46:50.56
Now, be cruel.
00:46:50.73,00:46:53.00
Be brutal. Be brutal!
00:46:53.50,00:46:55.84
Because, heaven knows, they will.
00:46:56.47,00:46:58.97
Well? What do you think, Mr. Bloom?
00:47:03.34,00:47:07.28
- Where do you keep your wallet?[br]- It's gorgeous.
00:47:07.38,00:47:10.55
You couldn't have picked a better color.[br]It brings out your eyes.
00:47:10.65,00:47:13.82
Let's face it, Roger, that dress is you.
00:47:14.45,00:47:18.73
- Do you really think it brings out my eyes?[br]- We can't tell a thing without your wig.
00:47:18.79,00:47:21.76
As far as I'm concerned, you're only half-dressed.
00:47:21.83,00:47:26.60
If you're so worried about the wig,[br]get it, O Wicked Witch of the West.
00:47:28.34,00:47:30.67
Quick, light his cigarette.
00:47:30.74,00:47:33.01
- He likes you.[br]- I don't want to...
00:47:49.46,00:47:52.09
Didn't I meet you on a summer cruise?
00:47:57.36,00:47:59.70
I've never been on a summer cruise.
00:48:00.87,00:48:02.74
Quel dommage.
00:48:05.04,00:48:07.47
I see we're getting acquainted.
00:48:07.84,00:48:10.78
How would you like to[br]go back to teasing hair, big mouth?
00:48:11.11,00:48:12.55
Temper, Roger.
00:48:12.88,00:48:16.25
Roger, do you mind if we talk a little business?
00:48:16.32,00:48:20.42
Please. That is what we are here for.
00:48:20.72,00:48:24.76
I think this would be[br]a marvelous opportunity for you.
00:48:25.09,00:48:26.69
Be careful. That hurt!
00:48:27.56,00:48:30.23
Up to now, you've always[br]been associated with musicals.
00:48:30.33,00:48:33.73
Yes. Dopey showgirls with gooey gowns.
00:48:33.80,00:48:36.54
"Two, three, kick, turn, turn, turn, kick, turn!"
00:48:37.07,00:48:38.67
It's enough to make you puke.
00:48:38.77,00:48:39.77
Roger.
00:48:40.04,00:48:43.78
But now, at last, a chance to do straight drama.
00:48:44.24,00:48:47.48
Roger de Bris presents history.
00:48:48.62,00:48:52.42
Of course, I think we should add a little music...
00:48:52.85,00:48:55.42
...and that whole third act has got to go.
00:48:56.02,00:48:59.43
They're losing the war. It's too depressing.
00:49:00.96,00:49:03.73
We shall have to put something in there.
00:49:05.97,00:49:08.60
- What?[br]- I see it! I see it!
00:49:08.70,00:49:12.77
A line of beautiful girls[br]dressed as storm troopers...
00:49:12.87,00:49:16.38
...black patent leather boots, S-M.[br]- Love it.
00:49:16.48,00:49:18.45
All marching together!
00:49:18.55,00:49:21.25
"Two, three, kick, turn, turn, turn, kick, turn..."
00:49:21.31,00:49:22.78
It will work!
00:49:22.95,00:49:25.52
That is genius! Genius!
00:49:26.22,00:49:27.72
I speak for Mr. Bloom and myself...
00:49:27.82,00:49:30.16
...when I say you're the only man in the world...
00:49:30.22,00:49:32.46
...who can do justice to Springtime for Hitler.
00:49:32.53,00:49:35.16
Wait a minute. This is a very big decision.
00:49:35.26,00:49:38.10
It might affect the course of my entire life.
00:49:38.17,00:49:40.30
I shall have to think about it.
00:49:40.70,00:49:43.67
- I'll do it.[br]- Congratulations and thank you.
00:49:43.74,00:49:46.34
Get on the phone! Send out a casting call!
00:49:46.41,00:49:50.91
Call every agent in town![br]I want to see everybody, everybody!
00:50:06.06,00:50:07.36
Heil!
00:50:21.61,00:50:24.14
This is bedlam!
00:50:24.95,00:50:27.08
We must have some order!
00:50:31.99,00:50:35.52
Will the dancing Hitlers please wait in the wings?
00:50:35.69,00:50:37.79
We are only seeing singing Hitlers.
00:50:46.93,00:50:48.40
Arthur Picard.
00:50:52.87,00:50:55.61
Hello, Arthur. Tell us something about yourself.
00:50:55.71,00:50:59.95
I was the lead tenor[br]of the Albuquerque Opera Company...
00:51:00.01,00:51:01.58
...for the last two seasons.
00:51:01.68,00:51:06.12
I just finished the road tour of Lilac Time,[br]and last season...
00:51:06.19,00:51:09.26
...I was up for the lead[br]in the Broadway production...
00:51:09.36,00:51:10.99
...of The Gypsy Lover.
00:51:11.09,00:51:12.06
What happened?
00:51:12.33,00:51:13.79
I didn't get it.
00:51:13.86,00:51:16.33
Arthur, what are you going to sing for us?
00:51:16.40,00:51:20.50
I would like to sing A Wandering Minstrel, I.
00:51:21.13,00:51:22.47
Very well.
00:51:33.58,00:51:34.95
Thank you!
00:51:36.48,00:51:37.95
Next, please!
00:51:38.25,00:51:40.59
Jason Green. Please.
00:51:44.19,00:51:46.66
Jason, and what have you been up to lately?
00:51:46.73,00:51:50.83
For the last 16 years,[br]I have been touring with the USO.
00:51:52.90,00:51:57.07
- And what are you going to sing for us?[br]- Have You Ever Heard The German Band?
00:51:57.14,00:51:58.14
No.
00:51:58.57,00:52:01.98
That's the name of the song I am going to sing.
00:52:05.41,00:52:06.88
You will play it!
00:52:31.20,00:52:32.27
Thank you!
00:52:36.04,00:52:38.98
The Little Wooden Boy.
00:52:43.78,00:52:45.42
Thank you!
00:52:50.66,00:52:51.96
Thank you!
00:52:53.76,00:52:56.26
- Does that mean that I don't get...[br]- I'm sorry.
00:52:56.36,00:52:57.83
You're sorry?
00:53:01.00,00:53:02.37
Thank you!
00:53:10.38,00:53:11.85
That's it.
00:53:18.09,00:53:20.49
- Hey, man.[br]- I beg your pardon?
00:53:21.32,00:53:24.56
Is this where they're auditioning[br]Boomerang, baby?
00:53:24.62,00:53:27.46
I'm afraid you wandered into the wrong theater.
00:53:29.33,00:53:32.50
Man, not again. Freak out.
00:53:33.40,00:53:37.34
Wait! Wait![br]This is Boomerang. This is Boomerang.
00:53:37.40,00:53:40.54
- What are you saying?[br]- Let's hear him. What have we got to lose?
00:53:40.64,00:53:42.01
All right.
00:53:42.08,00:53:43.24
Young man...
00:53:44.18,00:53:45.81
...what is your name?
00:53:47.55,00:53:49.92
Man. My name?
00:53:54.22,00:53:56.56
Lorenzo! Lorenzo, baby.
00:53:56.82,00:54:00.69
Lorenzo St. Dubois, but my friends call me LSD.
00:54:00.76,00:54:04.36
- And what have you done, LSD?[br]- Man, about six months...
00:54:04.46,00:54:06.50
...but I'm on probation, and I'm cool, man.
00:54:06.60,00:54:11.44
- I mean, what do you do best?[br]- Man, I can't do that here.
00:54:11.51,00:54:13.34
That's why they put me away, baby.
00:54:13.84,00:54:15.34
Sing, sing.
00:54:15.44,00:54:18.21
Thank you. Thank you so very much.[br]We're gonna sing.
00:54:18.31,00:54:21.65
If I may, I'd like to call on my group.[br]They kind of help me a little.
00:54:21.72,00:54:25.92
Group! Come on, fellas.[br]I would like to, sing this song.
00:54:26.32,00:54:27.95
It's about love...
00:54:28.62,00:54:29.69
And hate.
00:54:29.79,00:54:33.56
Psychedelically speaking,[br]I am talking about "the power."
00:54:44.54,00:54:46.01
"Love power
00:54:47.17,00:54:48.81
"I'm talkin' 'bout
00:54:48.88,00:54:50.44
"Love power
00:54:51.65,00:54:55.02
"The power of a sweet flower
00:54:55.95,00:54:58.65
"Is gonna rule the earth
00:55:00.22,00:55:02.89
"And there'll be a great rebirth
00:55:06.13,00:55:09.13
"Love is the flower that is mine
00:55:10.53,00:55:12.47
"When I'm walkin' with my darlin'
00:55:12.53,00:55:14.77
"And we're holdin' hands
00:55:15.24,00:55:16.97
"And life is fine
00:55:17.30,00:55:19.34
"'cause she understands
00:55:19.84,00:55:22.94
"Walkin' down the sunny street
00:55:24.01,00:55:26.01
"Givin' pretty flowers
00:55:26.11,00:55:29.18
"To the people that we meet
00:55:32.49,00:55:36.99
"And I give a flower to the big, fat cop
00:55:37.09,00:55:41.43
"He takes his club, and he beats me up
00:55:41.53,00:55:45.87
"I give a flower to the garbage man
00:55:45.93,00:55:50.17
"He stuffs my girl in the garbage can
00:55:50.24,00:55:54.41
"And I give it to[br]the landlord when the rent comes 'round
00:55:54.47,00:55:56.44
"He throws it in a toilet
00:55:56.54,00:55:58.61
"And he flush it down
00:55:58.71,00:56:00.71
"It goes into the sewer
00:56:00.81,00:56:02.72
"With the yuck runnin' through her
00:56:02.78,00:56:05.79
"And it runs into the river that we drink
00:56:05.89,00:56:08.02
"World, you stink
00:56:08.69,00:56:10.26
"Man
00:56:10.36,00:56:12.49
"It's later than you think
00:56:14.03,00:56:17.33
"So you got just one more chance
00:56:18.83,00:56:21.27
"Come on, baby, while I dance
00:56:31.68,00:56:33.81
"Love, love power
00:56:34.31,00:56:36.05
"I'm talkin' 'bout
00:56:36.12,00:56:37.68
"Love power
00:56:38.95,00:56:42.36
"The power of a little flower
00:56:44.02,00:56:46.26
"You don't think about those little flowers
00:56:46.33,00:56:48.40
"No. All you think about is guns
00:56:48.50,00:56:50.16
"If everybody in the world today
00:56:50.26,00:56:51.87
"Had a flower instead of a gun
00:56:51.97,00:56:53.30
"There would be no wars
00:56:53.37,00:56:55.77
"There would be one big smell-in
00:56:57.67,00:56:59.14
"Just a flower!"
00:57:01.61,00:57:02.81
Man...
00:57:05.71,00:57:06.91
...my flower.
00:57:08.72,00:57:10.75
What'd you do to my flower, man?
00:57:11.18,00:57:14.49
You hurt it. Like everything else.
00:57:16.12,00:57:19.23
Everything else. No flower.
00:57:25.60,00:57:27.40
That's our Hitler!
00:58:03.44,00:58:04.94
Your Highness.
00:58:10.78,00:58:13.01
There's the Times' drama critic.
00:58:13.55,00:58:18.35
Watch closely as Max Bialystock[br]puts the last nail into the coffin.
00:58:18.69,00:58:20.15
Good evening.
00:58:20.62,00:58:21.52
Good evening, sir.
00:58:21.59,00:58:24.93
Always delighted to greet[br]the gentlemen of the press.
00:58:24.99,00:58:26.06
Here you are, sir.
00:58:26.16,00:58:29.23
Two on the aisle,[br]compliments of the management.
00:58:30.90,00:58:34.53
Wait... Wait a moment.[br]There seems to be some mistake.
00:58:34.67,00:58:37.50
There's a $100-bill wrapped around these tickets.
00:58:38.17,00:58:39.51
That's no mistake.
00:58:40.11,00:58:41.61
Enjoy the show.
00:58:42.24,00:58:45.28
Mr. Bialystock,[br]just what do you think you're doing?
00:58:45.91,00:58:47.48
I'm bribing you.
00:58:48.05,00:58:51.62
Just play ball,[br]there's a lot more where that came from.
00:59:16.81,00:59:18.55
Keep this buttoned.
00:59:19.35,00:59:22.05
Straight! Up! Up! Always up!
00:59:26.19,00:59:29.82
Gentlemen, it is magic time. Good luck.
00:59:30.52,00:59:31.86
Good luck.
00:59:34.49,00:59:36.76
Tonight, Broadway, tomorrow...
00:59:41.44,00:59:43.27
So much for Nazi failure.
00:59:52.68,00:59:53.95
He'll kill us.
00:59:55.18,00:59:57.72
Max, come on, the overture's started.
01:00:04.79,01:00:06.19
Max...
01:00:09.13,01:00:10.93
This is it!
01:00:11.10,01:00:12.83
Sorry. I'm a little nervous.
01:00:12.90,01:00:15.87
Relax. In two hours, our worries will be over.
01:00:20.57,01:00:22.04
"Germany was having trouble
01:00:22.11,01:00:24.04
"What a sad, sad story
01:00:24.11,01:00:25.48
"Needed a new leader
01:00:25.55,01:00:27.45
"To restore its former glory
01:00:27.51,01:00:29.55
"Where, where was he?
01:00:29.68,01:00:32.02
"Where could that man be?
01:00:32.09,01:00:34.69
"We looked around and then we found
01:00:35.22,01:00:38.09
"The man for you and me
01:00:38.46,01:00:41.40
"And now it's...
01:00:41.46,01:00:45.07
"Springtime for Hitler
01:00:45.13,01:00:47.70
"And Germany
01:00:48.97,01:00:53.84
"Deutschland is happy and gay
01:00:55.91,01:01:00.75
"We're marching to a faster pace
01:01:02.68,01:01:05.15
"Look out, here comes
01:01:05.25,01:01:08.09
"The master race
01:01:09.49,01:01:12.06
"Springtime for Hitler
01:01:12.16,01:01:14.96
"And Germany
01:01:16.40,01:01:21.23
"Winter for Poland and France
01:01:23.24,01:01:26.14
"Springtime for Hitler
01:01:26.21,01:01:29.08
"And Germany
01:01:29.44,01:01:31.24
"Come on, Germans
01:01:31.31,01:01:34.08
"Go into your dance
01:01:38.92,01:01:40.85
"I was born in Düsseldorf
01:01:40.92,01:01:42.39
"And that is why they call me Rolf"
01:01:45.23,01:01:47.19
"Don't be stupid, be a smarty
01:01:47.26,01:01:48.63
"Come and join the Nazi party!"
01:02:32.07,01:02:35.24
"Springtime for Hitler
01:02:35.31,01:02:37.78
"And Germany
01:02:39.61,01:02:40.91
"Goose step's
01:02:40.98,01:02:43.78
"The new step today
01:02:46.85,01:02:48.59
"Bombs falling
01:02:48.72,01:02:51.76
"From the skies again
01:02:54.19,01:02:59.13
"Deutschland is on the rise again
01:03:01.37,01:03:04.27
"Springtime for Hitler
01:03:04.34,01:03:06.97
"And Germany
01:03:08.58,01:03:11.28
"U-boats are sailing
01:03:11.35,01:03:12.38
"Once more
01:03:12.45,01:03:13.55
Well!
01:03:14.01,01:03:15.92
Talk about bad taste!
01:03:15.98,01:03:19.35
"Springtime for Hitler
01:03:19.45,01:03:22.49
"And Germany
01:03:23.56,01:03:25.66
"Means that
01:03:25.76,01:03:27.49
"Soon we'll be going
01:03:27.56,01:03:29.26
"We've got to be going
01:03:29.33,01:03:33.13
"You know we'll be going
01:03:33.20,01:03:38.07
"To war"
01:03:55.06,01:03:57.16
Let us repair to the bar across the street.
01:03:57.22,01:03:59.26
We don't want to be here during intermission.
01:03:59.33,01:04:01.03
They'll stone us to death.
01:04:19.58,01:04:20.95
"Man...
01:04:21.82,01:04:24.75
"I lieb you. I lieb you, baby. I lieb you!
01:04:25.49,01:04:26.79
"Now lieb me alone."
01:04:29.59,01:04:31.09
Harry, he's funny.
01:04:31.19,01:04:33.33
- Come on![br]- Come on!
01:04:36.93,01:04:38.33
"If you need me so much...
01:04:38.40,01:04:40.23
"...why don't you pay attention to me...
01:04:40.30,01:04:41.87
"...you big dictator?"
01:04:41.94,01:04:43.27
"You chicks!
01:04:43.34,01:04:45.54
"You chicks! You all alike!
01:04:45.61,01:04:46.57
"All you think about is...
01:04:46.64,01:04:48.54
"...lieben, lieben, lieben, lieben!
01:04:49.04,01:04:51.18
"Don't you forget, baby, I took an oath.
01:04:51.68,01:04:53.68
"Deutschland über alles!"
01:04:55.92,01:04:58.52
"So, cool it, while I map out my campaign."
01:05:03.02,01:05:04.73
"Gonna crush Poland
01:05:06.29,01:05:08.93
"And I'm gonna take over France
01:05:11.70,01:05:13.03
"Sieg heil, sieg heil!"
01:05:13.87,01:05:17.07
"Then we're gonna take over Poland
01:05:17.14,01:05:19.74
"And then I'm a-gonna crush France
01:05:20.57,01:05:24.21
"Baby, don't you know, mama
01:05:24.28,01:05:27.08
"Then I'm gonna cross that English Channel
01:05:28.25,01:05:30.12
"And then I'm gonna kick them cats
01:05:30.18,01:05:32.05
"In the pants, pow!"
01:05:44.56,01:05:46.97
Did you see the look on that woman's face?
01:05:47.03,01:05:48.94
When the guy started to sing...
01:05:49.00,01:05:50.70
"Springtime
01:05:50.77,01:05:52.54
"For Hitler
01:05:52.61,01:05:54.14
"And Germany"
01:05:58.35,01:06:02.78
Here's to the one and only performance[br]of Springtime for Hitler.
01:06:03.02,01:06:04.89
May it rest in peace.
01:06:10.39,01:06:14.16
Innkeeper! Innkeeper![br]Another round of drinks here.
01:06:15.26,01:06:16.56
As a matter of fact...
01:06:16.63,01:06:19.57
...a round of drinks for everybody in the place.
01:06:23.50,01:06:25.04
Just think...
01:06:25.14,01:06:28.58
...yesterday,[br]I was a meaningless little accountant...
01:06:28.64,01:06:32.08
...and today I'm the producer of a Broadway flop!
01:06:34.01,01:06:36.22
Here's to failure.
01:06:36.28,01:06:40.92
- To failure.[br]- Thank you. It's very kind of you.
01:06:52.80,01:06:54.74
"Bitte schön, mein Führer."
01:06:55.77,01:06:58.27
"Man, you're a German!"
01:06:59.74,01:07:01.41
"We're all Germans!"
01:07:02.98,01:07:04.24
"That's right!
01:07:05.05,01:07:07.91
"That means we cannot attack Germany."
01:07:11.18,01:07:13.62
"I mean, I got all my friends here, you know?
01:07:15.26,01:07:16.92
"And what about me?
01:07:17.46,01:07:19.29
"And then there's the country club...
01:07:19.36,01:07:21.06
"...and the laughs every night.
01:07:21.36,01:07:22.60
"We got to do something.
01:07:22.66,01:07:23.93
"I got it!
01:07:24.13,01:07:27.20
"I've got it!"
01:07:27.27,01:07:28.37
"What have you got?"
01:07:28.47,01:07:31.07
"A medal. It fell down my pants, man.
01:07:31.37,01:07:33.01
"Get it out, baby.
01:07:33.47,01:07:35.18
"Danke schön, baby."
01:07:35.24,01:07:36.44
"Baby."
01:07:36.94,01:07:38.15
"Baby."
01:07:38.71,01:07:40.41
Why does he say this "baby"?
01:07:40.48,01:07:43.85
The Führer has never said "baby."[br]I did not write "baby."
01:07:43.92,01:07:45.79
What is it with this "baby"?
01:07:45.85,01:07:47.89
Will you please shut up?
01:07:47.95,01:07:50.49
You shut up. You are the audience.
01:07:50.59,01:07:53.43
I am the author. I outrank you!
01:07:54.90,01:07:57.93
Barkeep! Another drink for myself...
01:07:58.80,01:08:00.57
...my associate, Mr. Bloom...
01:08:03.90,01:08:07.77
And don't forget[br]our good-natured inebriate over here.
01:08:16.32,01:08:18.05
Eternally grateful.
01:08:20.65,01:08:22.52
- A toast![br]- A toast!
01:08:22.59,01:08:23.82
A toast!
01:08:24.46,01:08:25.69
To what?
01:08:25.99,01:08:27.06
To...
01:08:29.56,01:08:31.97
To toast. I love toast.
01:08:32.03,01:08:34.57
- To toast.[br]- To toast.
01:08:41.07,01:08:41.94
Now...
01:08:42.64,01:08:44.58
I'll take the lead...
01:08:44.64,01:08:47.48
...and I want you right behind me all the way!
01:09:13.11,01:09:14.37
Sing out!
01:09:19.35,01:09:21.55
All right, Piaf!
01:09:35.63,01:09:37.60
It's intermission! Quick!
01:09:37.73,01:09:40.30
Hide your faces. They'll tear us to pieces.
01:09:44.04,01:09:47.14
- Give us a couple of Manhattans.[br]- I'll have a Manhattan.
01:09:47.54,01:09:49.94
- Here you go, Frank.[br]- You getting it? Okay.
01:09:50.01,01:09:51.41
Two whiskey sours, please.
01:09:51.98,01:09:56.12
So far, that's about one of the funniest things[br]I've ever seen on Broadway.
01:09:56.18,01:09:59.65
- I never laughed so much in my life.[br]- Absolutely hysterical!
01:09:59.75,01:10:02.12
I thought I'd split my sides!
01:10:03.89,01:10:05.96
Take it easy. Don't panic.
01:10:06.06,01:10:07.86
There are a lot of plays on this street.
01:10:07.93,01:10:10.93
They aren't necessarily talking about[br]Springtime for Hitler.
01:10:11.00,01:10:13.57
Would you ever believe[br]you'd love a show called...
01:10:13.63,01:10:15.10
...Springtime for Hitler?
01:10:17.30,01:10:18.71
Come on, let's get back!
01:10:18.77,01:10:22.11
If the second act is like the first,[br]this'll run for five years!
01:10:22.18,01:10:24.04
"Springtime for Hitler
01:10:24.11,01:10:25.81
"And Germany"
01:10:28.32,01:10:29.72
Gotta think.
01:10:30.18,01:10:31.52
Gotta think.
01:10:31.59,01:10:33.92
Mrs. Cathcart, 50 percent.
01:10:34.69,01:10:36.49
Mrs. Resnick, 50 percent.
01:10:37.09,01:10:38.56
Gotta think.
01:10:38.66,01:10:40.29
Mrs. Biddlecomb, 50 percent.
01:10:42.03,01:10:44.00
Mrs. Wentworth, 100 percent.
01:10:47.70,01:10:50.17
- Leo.[br]- No way out.
01:10:52.57,01:10:53.77
- Leo.[br]- No way...
01:10:53.84,01:10:54.91
Leo.
01:10:56.04,01:10:57.11
No way...
01:10:57.41,01:10:59.61
Listen, let's go to the theater...
01:10:59.68,01:11:01.18
...and see what's really happening.
01:11:01.28,01:11:05.02
After all, we only heard from[br]a small portion of the audience.
01:11:05.52,01:11:07.99
Let's hear what the majority thinks.
01:11:08.22,01:11:10.49
- The majority?[br]- The majority.
01:11:12.43,01:11:14.63
Let's hear from the majority.
01:11:14.80,01:11:16.56
- Where's the majority?[br]- Majority.
01:11:16.63,01:11:19.10
- Let's hear the majority.[br]- The majority.
01:11:19.20,01:11:22.54
- See the majority? Where's the majority?[br]- The majority.
01:11:38.55,01:11:40.02
"One and one is two
01:11:40.12,01:11:41.59
"Two and two is four
01:11:41.66,01:11:44.49
"I feel so bad 'cause I'm losing the war"
01:11:49.50,01:11:51.43
Excuse me. Excuse me.
01:11:51.50,01:11:53.33
The play here is in progress!
01:11:53.40,01:11:56.24
You must be quiet! Swine!
01:12:01.48,01:12:04.48
"Man, we're losing everything! Everything!
01:12:04.54,01:12:07.21
"Where's my Goebbels?
01:12:07.28,01:12:09.12
"Get me my little Joe!"
01:12:09.22,01:12:10.55
"Send for Goebbels!"
01:12:10.62,01:12:12.89
- "Send for Goebbels!"[br]- "Send for Goebbels!"
01:12:12.95,01:12:15.16
- "Send for Goebbels!"[br]- "Send for Goebbels!"
01:12:20.56,01:12:21.53
"Heil, baby!"
01:12:21.63,01:12:23.80
"Baby! What's happening?"
01:12:23.86,01:12:26.80
"I just laid the morning propaganda[br]programs on the people."
01:12:26.87,01:12:29.34
"You're putting me on! What did they say?"
01:12:29.40,01:12:31.87
"I told the people we invaded England!"
01:12:31.94,01:12:34.91
"That's a groove, daddy! How did we come out?"
01:12:35.01,01:12:36.81
"We beat 'em, baby!"
01:12:36.88,01:12:39.15
"Groovy! That's my Joe! That's my little Joe.
01:12:39.21,01:12:40.68
"I love my little Joe.
01:12:41.85,01:12:42.95
"Joseph...
01:12:43.05,01:12:45.69
"...you are smoking[br]in the presence of the Führer."
01:12:46.05,01:12:47.62
"I'm sorry, big daddy."
01:12:50.72,01:12:51.99
"They try.
01:12:52.43,01:12:54.39
"Man, how they try."
01:12:55.50,01:12:56.46
Ja!
01:12:56.56,01:13:00.50
- What can I do for you?[br]- You will please be unconscious.
01:13:01.03,01:13:05.74
This is an outrage. It must stop.[br]It makes me so mad what they do.
01:13:05.81,01:13:07.71
Curtain must go down! Down!
01:13:08.51,01:13:09.88
What's happening?
01:13:15.75,01:13:20.12
I am the author of this play![br]You are the victims of a hoax!
01:13:20.19,01:13:24.09
These are not my words![br]The Führer has never said this "baby"!
01:13:24.16,01:13:28.93
The Führer was sweet![br]The Führer was kind! The Führer was good!
01:13:29.96,01:13:33.57
He loved me! Often, he would say to me:
01:13:33.63,01:13:34.77
"Franz..."
01:14:06.23,01:14:07.43
Boo-boo?
01:14:08.10,01:14:09.27
Boo-boo?
01:14:11.91,01:14:14.44
- Yeah?[br]- We make love?
01:14:15.31,01:14:18.05
No. We don't make love.
01:14:18.55,01:14:19.91
Go to work.
01:14:46.14,01:14:47.77
"Congratulations.
01:14:48.31,01:14:50.58
"It's the biggest hit on Broadway."
01:14:52.35,01:14:54.21
"Congratulations.
01:14:54.28,01:14:56.25
"Hitler will run forever."
01:14:58.09,01:14:59.69
"Congratulations."
01:15:04.39,01:15:07.26
Congratulations!
01:15:07.33,01:15:12.00
Have you seen the lines at the box office?[br]It's a torrent! It's an avalanche!
01:15:12.07,01:15:14.40
It's the biggest hit on Broadway!
01:15:14.47,01:15:17.24
You lousy fruit! You ruined me!
01:15:19.24,01:15:22.31
You're crazy! He's gonna kill me! Call the police!
01:15:22.41,01:15:25.18
Help! Murder! Rape!
01:15:29.28,01:15:32.69
Don't let anybody in. Got to think.
01:15:33.45,01:15:34.82
I got to think.
01:15:39.33,01:15:40.86
How could this happen?
01:15:42.20,01:15:45.47
I was so careful. I picked the wrong play...
01:15:46.43,01:15:48.90
...the wrong director, the wrong cast.
01:15:49.70,01:15:51.51
Where did I go right?
01:15:57.28,01:15:58.65
What are you doing?
01:15:58.71,01:16:00.75
Don't try to stop me. I've made up my mind.
01:16:00.81,01:16:04.58
- What are you doing with the books?[br]- I'm turning myself in. It's the only way.
01:16:04.65,01:16:06.05
I'll cooperate with the police.
01:16:06.12,01:16:08.76
They'll reduce my sentence,[br]time off for good behavior.
01:16:08.82,01:16:11.53
Maybe I'll get a job in the prison library. So long.
01:16:11.59,01:16:12.86
Leo!
01:16:15.20,01:16:19.53
Take it easy. Relax. You're overwrought.[br]You don't know what you're doing.
01:16:19.60,01:16:22.24
You're acting out of panic. Give me those books!
01:16:22.30,01:16:26.27
- I never should have listened to you![br]- I never should have listened to you!
01:16:26.37,01:16:29.41
- How I hate you![br]- Double, double, double!
01:16:37.38,01:16:39.35
Fat! Fat!
01:16:41.62,01:16:42.79
You fatty!
01:16:43.39,01:16:45.46
Give me those books, you fat walrus!
01:16:45.53,01:16:47.89
- Never![br]- Give 'em quick!
01:16:48.10,01:16:51.90
- You fat fatty, give me those fat books![br]- No!
01:16:55.17,01:16:58.74
You have broken the sacred oath! You must die!
01:17:06.81,01:17:08.68
This is not good here.
01:17:09.12,01:17:10.92
I am not killing you.
01:17:11.15,01:17:14.02
Don't you understand? You must die.
01:17:14.35,01:17:15.96
Will you cooperate?
01:17:17.06,01:17:18.66
- Come in![br]- Come in!
01:17:19.79,01:17:22.10
I hear noise. You call?
01:17:22.83,01:17:24.20
Where are...
01:17:26.73,01:17:27.77
Boo!
01:17:28.44,01:17:29.77
I see you.
01:17:30.44,01:17:32.54
You like something? Coffee?
01:17:33.07,01:17:34.27
Coffee.
01:17:34.98,01:17:37.14
Yes! Good idea.
01:17:37.68,01:17:40.08
Ask the gentleman with the gun...
01:17:41.78,01:17:45.92
...the gentleman who is shooting at us[br]and trying to kill us...
01:17:46.22,01:17:47.79
...what he will have.
01:17:50.76,01:17:52.66
You like coffee?
01:17:53.83,01:17:56.70
Kaffee? Ja. Black, two sugars.
01:17:57.23,01:18:01.00
Two regular, one black, two sugar.
01:18:09.44,01:18:12.98
- Champagne?[br]- No, thanks. I have just ordered Kaffee.
01:18:17.72,01:18:20.82
Are you coming out[br]from behind this desk or not?
01:18:20.89,01:18:23.16
- Not![br]- Cowards!
01:18:23.36,01:18:25.86
Miserable, cringing cowards!
01:18:26.66,01:18:29.36
Clinging to life! Watch!
01:18:30.16,01:18:31.90
Watch and remember!
01:18:32.50,01:18:35.77
Franz Liebkind[br]will show you how to die like a man!
01:18:44.31,01:18:45.31
Please, sing.
01:18:47.25,01:18:49.55
Soon I will be with mein Führer.
01:18:49.65,01:18:51.99
And Göring! And Goebbels!
01:18:52.42,01:18:53.92
And Himmler!
01:18:53.99,01:18:56.56
I'm coming, boys!
01:19:00.36,01:19:03.03
Boy, when things go wrong...
01:19:08.34,01:19:12.77
Wasted a whole day[br]playing hide-and-seek with a crazy kraut!
01:19:15.94,01:19:19.21
- There, there.[br]- Where? Where?
01:19:20.35,01:19:22.92
You crazy lunatic,[br]what are you shooting at us for?
01:19:22.98,01:19:25.19
Why don't you use this where it'll do some good?
01:19:25.25,01:19:27.22
Why don't you shoot at the actors?
01:19:30.62,01:19:31.86
Franz...
01:19:32.46,01:19:34.43
Have I ever steered you wrong?
01:19:34.80,01:19:37.90
- Always.[br]- Never mind. Listen.
01:19:38.67,01:19:42.47
Every night, people are laughing[br]at your beloved Führer. Why?
01:19:42.74,01:19:45.47
It is that LSD.
01:19:45.87,01:19:47.94
Und his verdammte "babies"!
01:19:50.28,01:19:51.65
Here!
01:19:52.48,01:19:53.88
Buy bullets.
01:19:54.31,01:19:55.85
Go. Kill.
01:19:56.48,01:19:58.92
- Kill the actors.[br]- What?
01:19:58.99,01:20:01.59
- Shut up![br]- The actors.
01:20:01.86,01:20:03.76
I must destroy the actors.
01:20:04.93,01:20:07.79
Stop! This is insanity! Have you lost your mind?
01:20:07.86,01:20:10.56
How can you kill the actors? What do you mean?
01:20:10.63,01:20:12.77
Actors are not animals. They're human beings.
01:20:12.83,01:20:16.80
They are? Have you ever eaten with one?[br]Go! Go, kill! Forward!
01:20:17.80,01:20:20.61
- No![br]- Make up your minds!
01:20:21.31,01:20:24.38
What are you doing? We're trapped![br]It's either the show or us!
01:20:24.44,01:20:28.15
There's no way out![br]What can we do, blow up the theater?
01:20:44.33,01:20:45.60
Dynamite.
01:20:46.10,01:20:47.37
Dynamite.
01:20:52.21,01:20:54.41
- Fuse.[br]- Fuse.
01:21:03.18,01:21:05.72
And now for the master connection.
01:21:48.46,01:21:50.93
Don't shoot! It's the dynamite.
01:21:51.00,01:21:54.63
If you shoot it,[br]it will get mad at us and blow us all up.
01:21:55.00,01:21:59.04
That is good thinking.[br]I will put this dynamite back.
01:21:59.11,01:22:00.21
Good.
01:22:01.91,01:22:04.98
Next time I produce a play, no author.
01:22:09.92,01:22:11.75
- Max?[br]- What is it?
01:22:12.39,01:22:14.19
- Max?[br]- What?
01:22:14.25,01:22:17.09
Remember yesterday[br]in the office when we were fighting?
01:22:17.16,01:22:18.16
So?
01:22:18.89,01:22:21.93
I'm sorry I called you "fat, fat, fat."
01:22:29.77,01:22:31.34
Gentlemen.
01:22:31.71,01:22:35.14
We have here a technical problem.
01:22:35.48,01:22:40.05
I do not know whether this little devil here[br]is the quick fuse...
01:22:40.11,01:22:41.75
...or the slow fuse.
01:22:42.12,01:22:44.25
I must find this out.
01:22:56.03,01:22:57.66
This is critical.
01:23:09.48,01:23:10.98
Ja, ja. You see this?
01:23:11.04,01:23:13.95
You see this? Hear what I have told you?
01:23:14.01,01:23:17.22
Ja. This is an example of smartness here.
01:23:17.28,01:23:21.82
I have said that this is the quick fuse,[br]and this is the quick fuse.
01:23:22.89,01:23:24.16
The quick fuse!
01:23:43.34,01:23:45.08
Has the jury reached a verdict?
01:23:46.61,01:23:49.15
- We have, your honor.[br]- How does the jury find?
01:23:49.95,01:23:52.92
We find the defendants incredibly guilty.
01:23:53.19,01:23:56.09
Do the defendants[br]have anything to say in their behalf...
01:23:56.16,01:23:58.49
...before the court pronounces sentence?
01:23:59.93,01:24:02.60
I would like to say something, your honor.
01:24:02.66,01:24:06.43
Not on my behalf, but in reference[br]to my partner, Mr. Bialystock.
01:24:07.17,01:24:08.37
Proceed.
01:24:08.70,01:24:10.17
Your honor...
01:24:10.84,01:24:12.94
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury...
01:24:14.37,01:24:17.98
Max Bialystock is the most...
01:24:19.85,01:24:23.15
...selfish man I ever met in my life.
01:24:23.65,01:24:25.12
Don't help me.
01:24:25.35,01:24:27.32
Not only is he a liar...
01:24:28.39,01:24:29.89
...and a cheat...
01:24:31.22,01:24:34.39
...and a scoundrel and a crook...
01:24:35.03,01:24:38.20
...who has taken money from little old ladies...
01:24:38.80,01:24:42.14
...but he's also talked people into doing things...
01:24:42.20,01:24:43.74
...especially me...
01:24:44.91,01:24:49.08
...that they would never in a thousand years[br]have dreamed of doing.
01:24:50.48,01:24:52.15
But, your honor...
01:24:53.18,01:24:54.98
...as I understand it...
01:24:56.12,01:24:58.65
...the law was created...
01:24:59.52,01:25:03.09
...to protect people from being wronged.
01:25:05.23,01:25:06.69
Your honor...
01:25:07.59,01:25:11.60
...whom has Max Bialystock wronged?
01:25:12.27,01:25:13.47
I mean...
01:25:14.07,01:25:16.04
...whom has he really hurt?
01:25:16.27,01:25:17.47
Not me.
01:25:18.87,01:25:20.04
Not me.
01:25:20.41,01:25:21.61
I was...
01:25:24.11,01:25:25.48
This man...
01:25:28.25,01:25:30.58
No one ever called me Leo before.
01:25:31.39,01:25:33.52
I know it's not a big legal point...
01:25:33.92,01:25:37.79
...but even in kindergarten,[br]they used to call me Bloom.
01:25:38.66,01:25:40.39
I never sang a song before.
01:25:40.49,01:25:41.56
I mean with someone else.
01:25:41.66,01:25:43.93
I never sang a song with someone else before.
01:25:44.93,01:25:46.30
This man...
01:25:47.73,01:25:49.10
This man...
01:25:50.27,01:25:52.24
This is a wonderful man.
01:25:53.97,01:25:56.08
He made me what I am today.
01:25:57.18,01:25:58.38
He did.
01:26:01.05,01:26:02.95
And what of the dear ladies?
01:26:04.12,01:26:07.62
What would their lives have been[br]without Max Bialystock?
01:26:09.19,01:26:10.79
Max Bialystock...
01:26:11.99,01:26:14.63
...who made them feel young...
01:26:15.73,01:26:17.70
...and attractive...
01:26:18.63,01:26:20.27
...and wanted again?
01:26:24.34,01:26:26.54
That's all that I have to say.
01:26:31.88,01:26:33.35
Order. Order.
01:26:37.35,01:26:41.29
And may I humbly add, your honor,[br]that we've learned our lesson...
01:26:41.36,01:26:43.46
...and that we'll never do it again.
01:26:51.93,01:26:54.13
"Prisoners of love
01:26:54.20,01:26:55.97
"Blue skies above
01:26:56.30,01:26:59.14
"Can't keep our hearts in jail"
01:27:05.95,01:27:07.85
No!
01:27:08.55,01:27:11.25
Now, come on, guys, let's put a little life in it.
01:27:14.05,01:27:15.69
"Prisoners of love
01:27:16.26,01:27:18.23
"Blue skies above
01:27:18.63,01:27:22.43
"Can't keep our hearts in jail
01:27:23.06,01:27:25.03
"Prisoners of love..."
01:27:26.30,01:27:28.97
You now own 20 percent of Prisoners of Love.
01:27:29.04,01:27:30.50
Congratulations. Yes, sir?
01:27:37.04,01:27:39.18
You now own 30 percent of Prisoners of Love.
01:27:39.25,01:27:41.25
Congratulations. Yes, sir?
01:27:42.92,01:27:44.65
The warden would like to make...
01:27:44.72,01:27:47.32
...a little investment in your production.
01:27:53.06,01:27:55.23
Tell him he owns 50 percent of the show.
01:27:55.30,01:27:56.93
- Thanks![br]- My pleasure.
01:27:57.03,01:27:58.90
From the top, Franz, once more.
01:28:02.14,01:28:04.24
"Prisoners of love
01:28:04.30,01:28:06.21
"Blue skies above
01:28:06.57,01:28:08.61
"Can't keep our hearts in jail
01:28:08.71,01:28:10.48
Sing it out, men!
01:28:10.98,01:28:12.28
"Prisoners of love
01:28:12.35,01:28:14.61
Higher, you animals, higher!
01:28:14.68,01:28:17.48
We open in Leavenworth Saturday night!
01:28:18.65,01:28:21.05
"You can lock us up
01:28:21.12,01:28:22.99
"And lose the key
01:28:23.29,01:28:27.13
"But hearts in love are always free
01:28:28.03,01:28:30.00
"Prisoners of love
01:28:30.06,01:28:31.93
"Blue skies above
01:28:32.00,01:28:35.47
"'cause we're still prisoners of love
01:28:35.80,01:28:39.74
"You can lock us up and lose the key
01:28:39.84,01:28:42.01
"But hearts in love
01:28:42.08,01:28:43.84
"Will always be
01:28:47.15,01:28:49.62
"Prisoners of love
01:28:52.82,01:28:55.12
"Blue skies above
01:28:55.26,01:28:57.39
"'cause we're still prisoners
01:28:57.49,01:28:59.33
"We're still prisoners
01:28:59.39,01:29:04.33
"We're still prisoners of love" |
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