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Ranch The 2004 Unrated Uncut Edition

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l hear her.
-Nice going, ace.|-lt sounded like her walk.
-Whatīs this horror show?|-ltīs a bridal shower for Shayna.
-You can get in on it if you want to.|-Yeah, right.
Yetta, any chicken left from last night?
līll make you a sandwich.
Make it to go.
ls Shayna coming or what?
Come on, give it to me.
Oh, Shayna. Oh, yeah.
Oh, God.
līm going to be back in Nevada in three|or four weeks for that electronics show.
l want to see you again.
līm not going to be here.|Todayīs my last day.
You going to the BunnyRanch|or something?
No, līm retiring.
There you go, man.
Listen, the next time you come back here|to party...
ask for Kim or Taylor,|and theyīll take great care of you.
Why donīt you go check out|one of our souvenir T-shirts?
-Okay, maybe l will.|-Take care of yourself.
You, too.
Kimīs been looking for you.
-She in her room?|-Kitchen, l think.
Now, thatīs an ass.
-Hey, guys.|-Shayna!
-Oh, shit!|-Whatīs going on?
Over there. Pull down that screen.
You can keep looking, you ainīt gonna find|buried treasure down there.
Are you sure we havenīt met before?|You look so damn familiar.
līm sure.
Coming back from a break?
Just starting, then?
lf you need someone to practice on....
l crack myself up.
Just dry a few minutes.
Now. What do you say?
Cotton Candy or Red Vine Red?
-Do you have clear?|-Sure.
Clear? Whose kid are you?
Red is bold, babycakes.
lt says īLook here.ī And weīll match.
-Daddy will hate it.|-Even better.
She doesnīt like it|when l antagonize her father.
Especially since heīs recovering|from a very delicate operation.
They tried to remove the stick up his ass|but they couldnīt get it out.
līm gonna go wait in the car.
-Where do you think youīre going?|-Away from you.
Chelsea, it was a joke.
You say mean stuff about him,|and in an hour youīre gonna drop me off...
and l have to live there|for the next three weeks.
l know. līm sorry. Please, just....|l promise līll behave. Come on.
Look, you get whatever color you want.
You want clear, thatīs fine. ltīs great.
Red, please.
Other David thought|you girls might need refills.
No, Mary, wait. Stay.|Have a piece of cake. Yetta?
-Coming right up.|-Okay, thanks.
And, you guys, thank you so much.|This was so sweet.
līm sorry l canīt invite everyone|to the wedding...
but we kept the guest list really tiny.
Actually, l wanted to elope,|but Evanīs really close with his family.
So basically, anybody whoīs related|to Mr. Wonderful...
people you probably donīt even know,|īHey, right this way.ī
But us, who you worked with|for how many years?
īNo, līm getting married, līm not going to be|a hooker anymore, fuck them.ī
Em, shut up.
So, how did you two meet, you know,|you and Evan?
-Right, you werenīt here yet, were you?|-No.
Actually, it was at the x-ray machine|at the Reno airport.
l was going to San Diego on my week off,|and he was going home to Detroit.
l told him l was a stewardess.|Flight attendant.
And he still thinks that.
Three weeks on, one week off.
Company, girls.
-Bye, Shayna.|-Bye.
Come on. One last lineup for the road?
līll miss you.
Hi, welcome to the Diamond Ranch.|Weīve some beautiful girls for you today.
Come on in.
Right this way.
Why donīt you sit down on the couch?
līm Janey.
Rickie Lee.
Hi, līm Lavender Rose.
Her. līll take her.
All right, then. Rickie Lee. Thank you, girls.
Hey, daddy. Letīs party.
Another satisfied pedophile.
līm so excited you picked me.
-Keep the change.|-Thank you.
-You want me to help you in?|-l got it.
Are you sure l donīt know you?
You donīt.
Hi. Can l help you?
l donīt know. Can you?
-Hi, Dad.|-Hey, sweetie.
l thought you were bringing her home|before lunch.
ltīs my fault. l lost track of time.
For someone who gets paid by the hour,|youīd think youīd be more attuned to that.
Come here, you.
l will talk to you later.
You have fun at the party tomorrow.
Wish Elizabeth happy birthday for me.
l will. Love you.
Love you more.
Wait a sec.
Go on inside.
Yeah, the nails? That was me, too.
Whatīs next, a G-string?
Do you want to know|the smartest thing l ever did?
Not marry you.
l forgot.
l donīt need it.
The Fortune magazine said house painters|are in the top two percentile of earnings.
Were you always such a bitch|or is this new?
ltīs child support. Just take it.
līd just as soon not go to Macyīs,|buy her a coat...
pay for it with the money you made|giving some asshole a blowjob.
Do you not understand that what l do|l do for her?
l want our kid to have every god damn thing|l didnīt have.
l want her to have a new coat every year...
and piano lessons, and l donīt know,|a fucking horse if she wants one.
When it comes to college,|l want to be able to say:
īHere, baby girl,|you go wherever you want.ī
You know what?|Let her go to community college...
and have a mother whoīs a mother,|not a prostitute.
You are such a clueless bastard.
Nice car. ls it new?
Whoīd you say youīre in this for?
īCookies and milk.ī
īAll day sucker.ī Whatīs that?
So, what do you feel like?
Maybe you could blow me?
And l could...
fuck you after.
ls $150....
ls that about right?
ls that all you think līm worth?
So thatīs Velvet....
Knight, with a īk.ī
You know, l had a cat named Velvet once.
Lady, whose pussy we talking about,|mine or yours?
Do me a favor.|Save that kind of language for the clients.
You donīt like it so much,|whatīre you doing being a madam anyways?
The truth?|lt was the best-paying job l could find.
Yeah. Same here.
$400. Half and half.
-$400 for a blowjob and a straight lay?|-Yeah.
-Thatīs a lot.|-Not for me.
-Here you go.|-Thanks.
So you know what a īhalf and halfī is?|l guess youīve worked before.
Not in Nevada. ln LA. Last couple of years.
Time for a change of scenery, you know?|Hereīs this all.
You people are strict here.|Licenses, checkups every week.
Let me tell you how it goes here.
The girls are on for three weeks,|working 10 to 12-hour shifts every day.
Then theyīre off for a week.
Sometimes, we have girls|who just work weekends...
and the house gets half of everything|you make.
Sounds all right.
līm sorry.
ls it possible that weīve met before?
Because you look awfully familiar.
Yo Brooklyn, that TV show|bunch of years back?
Vonetta Knight, of course.|You play the sister.
My son and l watch the reruns|on Nickelodeon.
Let me ask you something.
That Rashad?|Played my little brother on the show.
How old you think he was|when l was on it? How old?
-Thirteen? Fourteen?|-Nineteen.
Nineteen years old, almost twenty.
But his asshole daddylmanager|wants everybody to think heīs some kid.
So one day, me and Rashad|are getting on in the dressing room...
daddy walks in,|old man just about has a stroke.
Next week, the script comes out|and my characterīs dead in a car wreck.
l got them the highest rating ever,|those motherfuckers!
Excuse me.
So why did you stop? You were good.
īCause daddy goes round town...
telling everybody|līm some piece of garbage.
Job ends and suddenly l canīt get arrested...
except on Hollywood Boulevard,|but thatīs another story.
Anyhow, those charges didnīt stick.
līm sorry that happened to you.
Yeah, well.
Look, hereīs what.
End of every show...
weīd all come out and the audience|would give us a standing ovation.
lt didnīt matter, every single week,|standing īO.ī
And when līm with a john|and l do my sex thing, l watch him.
l watch him get hard.
His dick is standing straight up|because of me.
So. You got room for me?
-You want this?|-You donīt?
līm lucky to be getting away|with flight attendant.
l donīt think heīll buy lion tamer|on top of that.
You going to tell him ever?
Why would l?
ltīs who you are.
ltīs who l was.
You must have some on-off switch|somewhere that l never saw.
Whereīs it, on your ass?
No, wait, līve seen your ass.
Yeah, and so has half the population|of Nevada.
And l donīt think my fiancé|needs to know that.
But arenīt you gonna wonder|how he would feel if he knew?
Yeah, līm going to wonder.
You know what else līm going to do?
līm gonna keep my big mouth shut.
The past is the past, Tay...
and this is my future.
but if l fall in love again someday,|God forbid...
and the guy gives me attitude|īcause this is how l make my living...
fuck that. Thatīs a deal breaker.
l better get in on this lineup.
You are going to make a beautiful bride.
Come back and visit us once in a while,|will you?
Probably not.
You know where the plates are?
That one on the right.
So Mary let you stay?
līm Velvet.
Good for you.
So what do you think of this place?
Everybody else seems nice.
Bunch of jerks.
What? līm not here to make friends.|līm here to make money.
Figure another year or two,|l got enough cash, līm out of here.
What are you gonna do?
Get out of this ratīs ass of a city.
Get a house somewhere.|A house-house, not a whorehouse.
Get a foster kid, maybe. Two more years.|Three, at the most.
You do pretty good then?
l do fucking great.
Stupid bitch, Emily, with the tattoos,|thinks her little pussyīs made of gold.
l book twice as much as she does.
Oh, and by the way, cupcake...
you want to keep yourself away|from my regulars, you got it?
Donīt you worry.
Anything that goes into you,|l donīt want going into me.
Then weīll get along just fine.
-Youīre here!|-l know.
Finally. l canīt believe it.
l know. l missed you so much.
So you still want to marry me,|or have you gotten over that silly idea?
You bet.
Letīs go get my bags.
Wait. lsnīt there anybody you need|to say goodbye to?
Any of the crew? The other stewardesses?
No, all l want to do is get to the hotel and....
That could work.
Kim, get this.
ln Ancient Greece, the only women|allowed to own property were prostitutes.
Probably the only ones who could afford to.
Yeah, maybe.
What you got there?
Thatīs what you read for fun?
Youīll get used to it.
Just donīt play any trivia games with her.|Or make bets.
l got to ask you.|Who do l talk to about clean sheets?
Franny takes care of all the laundry.
But donīt let the guys under the sheets|or youīll be changing them all day.
Use one of those towels in your closet,|trick towels.
That was your first john just now, wasnīt it?|Howīd that go?
Guy tells me he wants to do it like a dog.
l figure he means doggy style.
He breaks out a collar, a leash,|l end up scratching him behind the ears...
and rubbing him on his belly|till he goes off.
What the hell is that?
You know, in LA...
you get in the back of a dudeīs car,|suck him off, and thatīs that.
l used to beat off my cousinīs dog.
Scrappy. He was a show dog.|A Jack Russell Terrier.
Wouldnīt that make him|a īJack-offī Russell Terrier?
One for the new girl.
My aunt and uncle|wouldnīt let him fuck, ever.
Except with another show dog, like,|once a year. He was always so frustrated.
-He told you that?|-No, l could tell.
Taylor, thereīs a customer asking for you.|He said Bicycle Jimmy sent him.
Thanks. Later.
Man, another crappy day in the desert.
And l always thought California weather|was amazing.
-This is like heaven.|-No shit.
Wait. You need sunscreen.
Here, let me.
Youīre not going to try and cop a feel,|are you?
Howīs that?
līm sorry my mother made such a big deal|about you staying at the house.
Sheīs old-fashioned, is all.
She doesnīt believe in sex before marriage.
l donīt even think she believes in sex|during marriage.
Want me to tell her what sheīs missing?
-Wait a sec.|-We have time.
My sisterīs flight doesnīt get in|for another hour.
Probably be late, anyway.
Whatīs wrong?
something we have to talk about.
Oh, God.
What? ltīs not bad.
l mean, itīs bad, but itīs not....
Nobodyīs dead or anything.
l got laid off.
-When?|-About two weeks ago.
The whole midsize line,|theyīre not making them anymore.
Sedans and station wagons. Just like that.
-Assholes.|-Oh, honey.
Every time we talked on the phone,|l wanted to tell you.
l hated lying when youīd ask me|how work was.
But l thought itīd be better in person.
-Are you pissed?|-No.
ltīs not your fault.
Anyway, l was thinking,|till l find something...
maybe you can transfer out here.
l donīt think l could transfer that easy.
Because things like that|take a lot of time to come through.
Could you get your old route back?|While līm looking?
l donīt know.
-līm sorry to dump this on you.|-No, itīs fine.
līm gonna go take a shower.
Youīre not feeling like|this changes everything, are you, hon?
My friend Jimmy says that...
you give the best head|of anybody heīs ever met.
-Tell him l said thanks for the referral.|-Yeah.
l donīt suppose l could get you to swallow,|could l?
līd make it worth your while.
Sorry. Youīve got to keep|the condom on the whole time.
l know. But, damn! l mean...
all day long,|līm in there and līm marrying people and....
Thatīs good.
Anyway, all day long līm pronouncing them|īMan and wife, baby, man and wife.ī
And l just keep trying to guess...
is this one gonna let him come|in her mouth? Or that one?
Here. līll be right in.
My girlfriend hardly ever gives me head.
She never lets me get off in her mouth.|Says it tastes funny.
What you can try for that is pineapple juice.
l read that it makes your jizz taste better.
Yeah, but wonīt that sting?
Honey, you drink it,|you donīt soak your dick in it.
So, the owner of this place?
Heīs some kind of slick, rich,|White pimp wannabe?
Whatīd l say?
The owner is my uncle.
-Shit. Sorry.|-Donīt worry about it.
But for the record, no, he isnīt one of those.
His uncle is named David.|Thatīs why heīs the Other David.
The boss is okay.
You got to keep booking|or youīre out, thatīs for sure.
But they take pretty good care of us.
Other David takes|especially good care of us.
Hint, hint.
Seven in the side pocket, baby.
ltīs sure shot.
Thereīs no way those guys are partying.
But you know, when theyīre humping|their pillows tonight...
theyīll be picturing you and me.
Am l right, Austin?
Guess so.
Hey, Austin, this is Velvet. Sheīs new.
Maybe youīll try her out soon.
Howīs it hanging?
Good. ltīs good.
He comes in every day,|nurses one beer for hours...
then once every two weeks,|on payday, he parties.
You can tell itīs payday|when his hairīs clean.
Good to know.
Excuse me.
Mary, are you kidding me?|līm in the middle of something here.
Your daughterīs on the phone.|Sheīs crying. Says itīs urgent.
Something about her dad|wonīt let her go to a party.
-Give me 30 seconds.|-Okay.
Where do you go to school?
Colorado State. Same as my sister did.
Sheīs the brains in our family.
Your mother wonīt let me|help her do anything.
You know, l was thinking about you|the other afternoon.
l was watching one of those health channels|on the cable...
and they did a whole show about jet lag.
You ever have any trouble with that,|all that flying around?
lt bothered me at first, yeah.
But you get used to it.
You must meet so many interesting|people with job like that.
l did, yeah.
Athletes. Actors. A couple of politicians.
-Look what we got.|-Here, let me get that.
Thereīs tuna salad, egg salad,|and some turkey.
Guy l work with,|his daughter is a stewardess.
Mannyīs kid.
l remember her. Tall, long black hair.
-Tramp.|-Nice, Ma.
līm only saying whatīs true.|The girl slept her way across the country.
Maybe it was the jet lag.
We need more lemonade.
Whereīs your brother?
Heīs upstairs, l think.
Tommy. Weīre eating. Come on down.
Sorry. l was just getting things set for later.
Shayna, you donīt mind, do you?
Me and the guys|kidnapping Evan for the night?
No, who am l to get in the way|of a good bachelor party?
Just so you know,|weīre skipping the whole strip club thing.
-l should hope so.|-Kidding me?
You could get a disease|just looking at some of those skanks.
Sorry, Ma.
Not that either of us would know|about this firsthand.
Thank goodness for small favors.
Thanks, Ma.
-līll see you both tomorrow.|-See you tomorrow.
And get some sleep tonight.
-That was a boatload of fun.|-What?
Oh, good. l thought youīd gone|into a coma there.
ltīs the day before her wedding.|Sheīs just a little tense.
You are.
Thank you.
Why are you marrying me?
Why do you love me?
Let me see. Because youīre hot?
līm kidding.|l mean, you are, but thatīs not....
l have this uncle.
Uncle Lou, heīs quite a character.|Youīll meet him tomorrow.
Whenever he talks about a woman|he really likes...
he calls her a good girl.
īThat Audrey Hepburn, sheīs a good girl.ī
Anyway, after that first weekend|you and l spent together...
l called him up and l said:
īl finally understand|what youīre talking about Uncle Lou.
īl met a good girl.ī
līm so glad Chelsea made it.
Elizabeth would have been crushed|if she wasnīt here.
līm sorry weīre so late.|There was a mix-up with Chelseaīs dad.
So nice to meet you finally.
Yeah, you, too.
-What time do you want me to pick her up?|-No, stay. Please.
-l canīt.|-At least have a cup of coffee.
-Okay.|-Come on.
Everybody, this is Chelseaīs mom.
-Sorry, l donīt know your first name.|-Taylor.
We were beginning to think|you didnīt really exist.
This is me.
-līm Gail, Melodyīs mom.|-Hi.
Thatīs lnez and Patty. lnez is|Brittanyīs mom, and Pattyīs got the twins.
-Howīs it going?|-Good.
Found it.
Hon, this is Taylor.
-Nice to meet you.|-Nice to meet you, too.
l should get this out|to the karaoke machine. Excuse me.
-Can l ask you a question, Taylor?|-Yeah.
l mean, itīs none of my business|and itīs probably not even true...
but did l hear correctly|that you work at the Diamond Ranch?
For Godīs sake.
No, itīs okay. That is where l work.
As a....
As a what?
A prostitute?
What do you do, lnez?
l teach yoga.
-You charge by the hour?|-Yeah.
The more clients,|the more money you make?
-Thatīs very cute.|-l wasnīt trying to be. ltīs the same concept.
Probably some of the same positions,|now that l think about it.
Would you excuse me, please?
Apple doesnīt fall far|from the tree, apparently.
Iīll say it again
Iīve got a 20 dollar goldpiece
That says thereīs nothing I canīt do!
I can make a dress out of a feedbag|And I can make a man out of you
īCause Iīm a woman
ltīs nothing. Theyīre kids.
She probably doesnīt even know|what sheīs even singing about.
Feed the baby, grease the car|And powder my face at the same time
thanks for not busting me back there.
l would never do that.
Rory would die if she knew.
l can still come and see you,|though, canīt l?
līll be back to pick up Chelsea|in about an hour.
Iīll say it again
-Dude, come on.|-līm tying my shoe, give me a break.
What the fuck for?|ltīs gonna be off in, like, a minute.
Go for it. ltīll put some hair on your chest.
Whatīs to think about?|Take the gorgeous one.
Give me a minute.
ltīs a birthday present from me to him.
And you know what a good brother l am?|līm not even banging one of them myself.
l only saved up enough money for him to.
Very nice of you.
līll take her. Jean jacket.
ltīs your dick.
All right, then, Emily. Thank you, girls.
līll be waiting at the bar, bro.|Knock yourself out.
-Mary, your sonīs here.|-Really?
Hi, sweetie. What are you doing here?|ls everything all right?
l donīt know where my house key is.|l think l lost it at the park.
līll go get mine. Be right back.
what are you thinking you might like?
l donīt want to do this.
Are you not very experienced,|Scotty, is that it?
ltīs all right. līll teach you.
Learn on me.
-Baby, are you a virgin?|-No.
Are you gay?
-Fuck you!|-Hey, any time youīre ready.
l didnīt hear a yes or a no.
You having a little chat with yourself?
Yes, okay? Yes, līm a fag.|There, l said it, you happy now?
So whatīs the deal,|your brother doesnīt know?
ltīs none of his business.
-Thatīs fair.|-No, wait, līll pay you for this, okay?
Just let me stay in here|till itīs been long enough time.
What the hell.
ltīs not the worst lie līve ever been part of.|Not by a long shot.
You do use condoms, right?|When youīre with a guy?
-Every time?|-Yes.
Just making sure.
Okay, one of these.
And a T-shirt, the black one.
And a couple of these.
Thatīs $27 even.
-Can l get a beer?|-Yeah, sure.
Thought līd get the kid|a couple of souvenirs.
Not that heīs ever gonna forget this, right?
Thatīll be $4.
Thanks, bud.
Scottyīs probably banging that chick|pretty good by now.
Diamond Ranch.
Yeah, hold just a sec.
Austin, itīs for you.
Jesus, whatīs with the sirens?
You want me to get you a beer?|You want me to put some music on?
līm okay.
You play guitar?
l always meant to learn how.
l had a boyfriend in a band.|l used to go on tour.
-Sing backup sometimes.|-Cool.
l had this fantasy|that somebody would discover me.
īWhoīs that babe in the back?ī
l guess when youīre drunk|out of your mind...
most of the time|youīre not such a hot investment.
l guess not.
līm named for a song.
-Not really, but what l use for work.|-How come?
Because some of us|donīt use our real names.
Anyhow, l picked Emily.
ltīs from this record my sister|would listen to when l was a kid.
l donīt know that song.
Youīre the natural snow
The unstudied sea
Youīre a cameo
-Keep going.|-No.
-That was pretty.|-Thanks.
My uncle, my momīs brother...
he produces shows at the Hilton in Reno.|Theyīre always looking for singers.
l could give him your tape.|Do you have one?
Someplace. Listen, you donīt have|to do me any favors or anything.
-līm not going to rat you out to your brother.|-Thatīs not why l said it.
Peter, wait.
God damn it, Taylor, l knew it.|Sheīs in there?
-Yes, she is.|-Let go.
Wait, donīt go and embarrass her|in front of her friends.
Sheīs not even supposed to be at that party.|l told her.
She talked back to you one time,|big fucking deal.
-Donīt you tell me how to raise my daughter.|-Whoa.
-Our daughter.|-My daughter, three out of every four weeks.
Or has that fact conveniently|escaped your mind?
No. Look, l appreciate|how you take care of her.
You appreciate it?|What am l, the baby-sitter?
Did l say that?
l was trying to teach her something.|And you just swooped right in.
-Regular goddamn Mary Poppins.|-Hey, pal, līm not the baby-sitter, either.
And what was so important that|you couldnīt let her go to a stupid party?
-You want to know?|-Yeah, l want to know.
Every day she gets more and more like you.|And that scares the shit out of me.
So you can go.
līll wait for her out here.
l wonīt embarrass her. l wonīt punish her.
There you are. You hiding back here?
Yeah, kind of. Whatīs up?
līm supposed to let you know|that Mister Tits is here...
and he canīt wait to see you.
His words, not mine.
Lucky me.
But he does pay me a fortune.
And all l have to do|is let him snort a little coke off my boobs.
Hey, l donīt need the details.
Sorry. Sometimes l forget|youīre not one of the girls.
-Thanks.|-You know what l mean.
-Hey, did you hear about Austin?|-No, what?
His house burned down, electrical fire.|He lost everything.
īAnd at that moment my love juices|exploded into her...
īand l let out a loud moan|of complete and utter ecstasy.
īAnd l have to say līm pretty sure...
īshe enjoyed it as much as l did.ī
Every one of them writes that.|God bless them, if they only knew.
Yetta, can l get a bowl of soup|with some poison please?
-Rough day?|-Kind of, yeah.
-Whatīre you up to?|-Reading my reviews.
The brothel website?
Can l ask you a favor?|This is just, you know, for play.
-Can you help me type a résumé.|-Come on, first Shayna, now you.
No. līm not going anywhere.|ltīs just to see, hypothetically...
what else l might be qualified for.
lf you leave, līll hunt you down and kill you.
līll keep that in mind.
Okay, līve never done one of these.|l guess you put down your education first.
-Did you go to college at all?|-Fuck me, l never even finished high school.
Letīs skip that part then.
What do you think|would be your best qualifications?
Professionally speaking.
l give excellent head.
-Skilled at oral presentations.|-l like that.
-Exceptional manual dexterity.|-Keen negotiator.
-Works well in group situations.|-Leaving out the words īorgy room.ī
-Flexible. Stimulating.|-Youīre good.
Would 69 be considered multitasking?
l donīt see why not.
-Whatīs up?|-Nothing much.
Anybody in the mood for a threesome?|l got a live one with deep pockets.
You take it.|Would you mind leaving this here?
No, turn it off when youīre done.
Another ebony-and-ivory fantasy.
līm down with that.
Fucking joke.
-Get you another rum and Coke?|-Thanks.
So what kind of ladies|you got working here?
līm thinking l might like to party.
Do you want me to call a lineup?
No. līd feel bad for the ones l didnīt pick.
Theyīre used to it. ltīs part of the job.
-So whatīs your type?|-Female and breathing.
You might want to be a little more specific.
Well, between you and me,|l really like the colored girls.
The blacker the better. And tall.|Give me a set of long dark legs...
and līm a happy man.
Youīre in luck. Weīve got a girl just like that,|started this week.
l like her already. ls she on tonight?
Yeah, she should be out any minute.
Let me ask you, though, whatīs it gonna|cost me to party with this Velvet?
l donīt know. Thatīs between you and her.
Hey, Velvet, want to come here a minute?
-Hey, whatīs going on?|-līve got a guy whoīd like to meet you.
You thought youīd get away from me?
What the fuck do you think youīre doing?
Why, you didnīt think|l was going to find out?
You didnīt think my other bitches|were going to give you up?
-līm sorry.|-l will fucking kill you.
You donīt even think about it.
Come on, bitch.
Leave her alone.
-Lady, what, are you serious?|-l mean it, let go of her.
Fucking crazy!
Leave her alone and get out of here. Now!
Are you okay?
Damn it, l should have known|this guy was up to something.
How could you have?
This is still bleeding.
ltīs deep,|but l donīt think youīll need stitches.
Let me in there one more time.
līve got some Percocets in my room|if you need them.
l think aspirin will be fine, thank you.
Okay, there.
What was that?
Must have been the loss of blood.
No, seriously.
Seriously, l have wanted to do that since...
-well, how long have you worked here?|-Three years.
Then 2 years, 11 months, and 29 days.
What was wrong with me the first day?
Here you go.
-Cold.|-lce does that.
-Does it hurt?|-Yeah.
-Fuck.|-He was your pimp?
A bastard from the first day l met him.
Keep that on here.
Thanks for keeping me company.
l know līm probably|not the most popular person now.
Well, itīs funny. l feel like l know you.
l guess because l used to watch you|on your show.
Not because we both just fucked|the same guy together?
No, l think it was the show.
l always though it was funnier|if l had a little bit of a buzz on.
Yeah, me, too.
-You ever have a pimp?|-No, l didnīt need one.
This is a family business for me.
-So, youīre related to that David guy?|-No.
My grandmother worked at the Mustang|Ranch back when it first opened.
My mom still puts in a couple days|a month over at the BunnyRanch.
So me doing this was pretty much a given.
Even with you being a dyke?
He paid me to kiss you.
l donīt mean that shit before,|l mean you with that Emily.
-l see you looking at her all moony-eyed.|-Can we drop this?
l donīt get it.
You can talk about giving a dog a hand job,|no problem...
but you canīt say, maybe you like a girl.
She doesnīt know.
Please donīt tell anyone.
l wonīt.
-Donīt get too drunk, okay?|-Donīt worry. Anyway, Tommyīs driving.
Speaking of which, l told the limo driver|to pick you two up at the hotel at noon.
-Have fun.|-Good night.
He is such a nice guy.
Yeah, l guess opposites do attract.
So what do you want to do?
Go back to the room and watch|pay-per-view? Get a massage?
Beth Ann?
l need to talk to you for a minute.
This probably isnīt fair to do to you,|but l just....
l need to say this out loud to somebody.
What is it?
Remember Lindsay? She was my roommate|in college, junior year?
Crazy Lindsay, yeah, what about her?
She worked in a brothel every weekend|in Nevada.
-A whorehouse?|-Yeah.
What does this have to do with you?
One time, Super Bowl weekend, she knows|itīs going to be busy after the game...
and she says l can go with her.
No. You didnīt.
Well, this was after Teddy|had broken up with me.
And you know what a hard time l was|having with that. l just needed somebody...
to make me feel like l was worth being with.
l made $2,000 in, like, a day and a half.
And l was practically failing|my classes anyway...
because youīre the smart one.
l never finished college.
And l was never a flight attendant.
-Come on.|-Beth Ann, l know has to be--
-This isnīt funny.|-ltīs true.
-Stop it!|-Please. l didnīt plan this.
-This is just how it worked out.|-Youīre a prostitute?
l was, but l was going to quit.
-How many guys?|-l donīt know.
-Like hundreds?|-Probably.
-l feel nauseous.|-Please, donīt throw up.
-l can handle almost anything but that.|-No, l need to get out of here.
-Sweetie, are you okay?|-Donīt!
l donīt know where to put this in my brain.
Every day, Mommy used to call|the airline to see when your plane got in.
Even when she was sick, even when|she was dying, she made me promise...
-to check if your flights landed okay.|-līm sorry.
-l wanted to tell you so many times.|-Why didnīt you?
-Evan doesnīt know, does he?|-No.
-You have to tell him.|-l canīt.
Heīs marrying you.
ltīs like you said, he is a nice guy.|Why do this to him?
And, my God, you saw his family.
His mother thinks|if youīre a stewardess youīre a whore.
She would die if he told her.
l have a chance to be happy.
This isnīt only about you.
-Beth Ann, l need you, donīt--|-Youīre disgusting.
l hope nobody sees us.
l remember when l started here,|they said that they discourage....
Fuck, what do they call it?
īlntra-house fraternizing.ī
Yeah, l guess īdonīt shit where you eatī|didnīt sound classy enough.
Well, l wouldnīt worry about it.|l kind of got an in with the management.
Youīre so pretty.
-How many of those have you had there?|-l mean it, you are.
-You know what you taste like?|-What?
Miller Lite.
Hey, did you know|that if a guy drinks a beer...
and then eats a girlīs pussy,|he can give her a yeast infection?
Taylor told me that.
-Donīt.|-Donīt what?
ltīs not a work night.
-ln other words, donīt be such a whore.|-l didnīt say that.
l know.
l know you didnīt.
l donīt know|why l thought we could do this.
Come on, no, l didnīt mean anything.
What, weīre going to date...
and then youīre going to watch me|take other guys to my room all night?
līm going to say, īl need a Long lsland|lced Tea for my john back thereī...
and thatīs going to be okay?
l donīt know. Yeah. līll make it be okay.
How the hell are you going to do that?
-l couldnīt do that.|-l donīt know. But l will.
Emily, līm crazy about you.|l want to make this work.
You know what?
You are one of the sweetest,|kindest men līve ever met.
And, baby...
you deserve a whole lot|better than for your girlfriend to be me.
Can l talk to you?
Yeah, come on in.
-Did l wake you up?|-No, l couldnīt fall asleep.
līm really sorry. l didnīt think heīd find me.|At least, not so quick.
līll pay for that lamp, the one you shot.
l bet thatīs the first time you ever heard that.
Howīs your lip?
Lucky we working girls got that rule|about no kissing the customers because....
Did he hurt you?|Before, when you were together?
All the time.
You sharing?
Yeah, līll get you a glass.
Please donīt fire me.
l know thatīs what you must be thinking|right now.
-Please.|-l donīt know, Velvet.
lt might not be safe for you to stay.
Safer than me being out on the streets|with him looking for me.
l mean, for everybody else.
Look, you can spend the night|on the couch.
-l heard talking.|-Everythingīs okay.
Ray, this is Velvet.
Hey, Ray.
Do me a favor. Get pillows|and a blanket from the closet.
-Why? Sheīs sleeping here?|-Tonight.
-What, is this a whorehouse now, too?|-Just do what l asked you to do.
Go on.
ltīll be more comfortable|with the pillows off.
Em, you going to the doctor?
-līm sorry, what?|-The doctor.
-The vans are leaving in a little bit.|-All right.
Shaynaīs getting married today.|Couple of hours.
l know. l was just thinking about her.
Did you and Other David|have an okay time last night?
ltīs not going to be anything.|l thought it would be, but...
actually it was a fucking disaster!
How the fuck do you have a relationship?
How do you do this job|and have a boyfriend or a husband?
Do you have to make up some bullshit story|like Shayna did, is that the only way?
No, l donīt think so.
Maybe youīll find somebody who gets it.
Who understands this, you know...
and who loves you for who you are.
The whole package.
Yeah, where the hell am l going to find that?
Beth Ann?
-l help to you?|-Yeah, thanks.
Could l ask you a question?|Because l need an objective opinion.
līm getting married today, apparently.
Thereīs something he doesnīt know|about me. And itīs something big.
And some people might think|l donīt deserve to marry him.
But līm not a horrible person, līm not.
And, you know, people keep secrets|all the time, right?
What do you think l should do?
Thatīs fine.
Good, Boris is here.|l could use more leather armbands.
-Let me get some cash, līll meet you.|-Okay.
Tay, you coming?
-Not right now.|-Okay.
l felt funny waiting inside.|They said youīd be back soon.
-Do you have a few minutes?|-Yeah.
Kim, you got a second?
Velvetīs looking for you.|She wants to say goodbye.
-Whatīs she saying goodbye for?|-Why do you think?
-Whereīs Mary?|-Kitchen.
-What are the odds heīll come back here?|-Probably very high.
Okay, so we call the sheriff.|Sheīs a TV star, itīll be good for business.
Kim, she got fired after one season|on a sitcom.
You know, itīs not exactly like Halle Berry|showed up and asked for a job.
Halle Berry showed up and asked for a job?
Yeah, she did,|and l told her she could have your room.
-l thought you were coming right out.|-Maryīs firing Velvet.
Come on, Mom, canīt she stay|and play with us? Canīt she, please?
līm supposed to keep this place|safe for you.
Besides, how would l explain this to David?
Donīt tell him about it, thatīs how.
You donīt think Other David called him|as soon as he got out of here last night?
l can pretty much guarantee you|that didnīt happen.
līll see you out there.
Think about this.|Velvet had this life that was happy...
she was doing her show,|everything was working out for her...
and then all of a sudden,|thatīs over with and sheīs alone.
Do you have any idea|how horrible that must feel?
You mean like when my husband died...
and he left me and Ray all alone|with no money and no life insurance?
Yeah, līm familiar with that feeling.
līm sorry. Mary, l didnīt know that.
-Any more trouble, sheīs out of here.|-Thank you.
-So this is your room then?|-Yeah.
ltīs cozy.
ltīs the accessories that really|make the difference, donīt you think?
-Please donīt make fun of me.|-līm not.
This is difficult for me to ask you.
But l came here to ask, so....
Could you help me be better at sex?
līm sorry?
l donīt think līm making my husband|happy anymore.
līm scared that he might|look for someone else.
lf he hasnīt already.
And l thought, maybe,|you as a professional....
Of course, līll pay you for your time.
Oh, no, was that a terrible thing to ask you?
You mean as opposed to, like,|asking for my special recipe for meatloaf?
līm sorry, l had no business.
No, wait, hang on a second. Donīt go.
You didnīt insult me. ltīs flattering. Kind of.
-Youīre just catching me on a really bad day.|-Why? Whatīs wrong?
Okay, hereīs the way that l figured it.|Chelseaīs in school all day.
We talk every night,|and the week l have with her every month...
itīs me and her, nobody else, thatīs it.
l thought that l could do this job|and still be a good mother.
You know?
And l could still be a good influence on her.
What an idiot.
You must be doing something right.
Chelseaīs crazy about you.|She talks about you all the time.
Yeah? Does she say|that her motherīs a fucking whore?
Yes, līm back.
l just wanna thank the Academy|for this great honor.
Girl, līm glad youīre staying.|We need more sisters around here.
Thank you, baby.|l wonīt forget what you did.
-What do you think, Boris?|-Nice. Sexy.
Very sexy. Does it push my tits up enough?
-l get you a smaller size.|-Thanks.
-Did you ask her yet?|-No, but l will now.
Rickie Lee.
Weīre taking up a collection to help Austin|get back on his feet.
-You heard about the fire, right?|-Yeah.
Each of us is going to do a trick|for him today. How about it, you in?
Sure, līll just pull a rabbit out of my snatch.
God, forget l fucking asked.
-Smaller size.|-Thanks.
Boris, did you get those saddle shoes|l asked you for?
You said youīd get them for me this week.
-lnside the truck, līll check.|-Thank you.
Selfish bitch.
You got something to say to me, Emily,|say it.
You wonīt give any money for Austin,|but youīll spend it on that sick little-girl act.
You think l give a shit?
You think l give a shit|what you think of me?
l donīt think you give a shit about|anything or anybody...
except those sleazeballs|youīre so busy getting off.
-Listen, twat-face--|-līll fucking....
Emily, stop it!
Let me tell you something.
lf some asshole wants to fuck a little girl...
līd just as soon it be me|and not his 10-year-old daughter.
-Sure l canīt get you anything else?|-līm good.
The usual.
-You looking to party?|-līm waiting for Emily.
-līm better.|-līm gay.
līve got a Cub Scout uniform l could wear|if that would do it for you.
No, thanks.
For somebody who doesnīt sleep with girls,|you spend a lot of time at a whorehouse.
-What?|-One of the singers in the show...
at the Hilton,|theyīre doing this ī60s revival thing....
Janis Joplin girl got strep. My uncle|heard your tape, he wants you to audition.
-Get out of here.|-ltīs only temporary--
-ls this for real?|-Yeah.
Get out of here. Oh, my God. l love you.
-Whatīs going on?|-l got an audition, singing, in Reno.
Thatīs fantastic.
Oh, my God, l could fuck you|till the cows come home.
-Please donīt.|-Here we go.
To Emily.
To Emily.
l, Shayna, take you, Evan,|to be my husband.
To have and to hold from this day forward.
For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer.
In sickness and in health, to love|and to cherish, until death do us part.
Before God and|in the presence of this congregation...
Evan and Shayna have made|their solemn vows to each other.
Therefore, l proclaim that they are now|husband and wife.
Evan, you may kiss your bride.
-What are you doing?|-Living vicariously.
Give it a shot.
You ready?
Youīre not going to hurt it.
You donīt like it much here, do you?
l donīt know. Not yet. Getting there.
l love it here. Men fuck me,|and then they pay me, itīs unbelievable.
You can make an ugly guy feel handsome.|You can make an old guy feel young.
The power of the pussy, right?|And the money. Oh, man.
Hookers make pretty much|the same hourly rate that lawyers do.
-l mean, beat that with a stick.|-Taylor, why are you telling me all this?
Because l have to leave.
Peter? Chels?
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. That son of a bitch.
Hello, Diamond Ranch.
No, līm sorry.|She doesnīt work here anymore.
l know.
But if you come in,|we have a number of very beautiful girls...
and līm sure youīll find someone|you can be satisfied with. Okay.
Arenīt you going to congratulate the bride?
Oh, Shayna.
RU Ready
Rabbit Proof Fence
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