Sex Is Comedy
At low tide it's different. not what I imagined!
Shit, I give up. I forgot about the tide.
To hell with what I imagined,
the sea's always beautiful.
It's something else. More desolate. We'll need fewer extras.
Shit. the extras!
No. it's better! If I'd seen it like this. I'd have known that.
All we need are two shots.
The sea's a long way away.
Just what I suspected! Things were going too well.
You OK? Not cold?
Jeanne. for me it's not OK. Her lips have gone blue.
We're not ready for the actors. To your dressing rooms!
The extras, too! Keep warm!
To your dressing rooms! Keep warm!
They do what they want, they don't listen.
She's not so bad. But him! Now he won't wear foundation!
I don't give a damn! Make him up!
You heard how he talks to me?
I'll tell him his make-up is continuity.
You have to remove it at night, and use cream.
You should've said it sooner. now it's continuity!
My male actors always wear make-up.
It's continuity, don't argue!
Go ahead. Anna.
Let her do her work.
The extras! Can I have another minute of your attention?
I know. it's cold and hard work.
but please remove your woollies!
Don't forget, you're at the beach,
it's sunny, you're lounging around,
having fun, playing soccer, everything's fine...
But we have to hurry because of the sun!
No. it's not too soon! The extras are undressed!
They're turning blue! So let's go!
If he can freeze. she can freeze!
Anyway, that's how it is!
An actor has to be like a fakir.
You walk on red hot coals. and don't get burnt!
Go on, we're going to shoot! Out of the way!
Bart created a hot Caribbean light. Great. no?
Yes, it's perfect.
But the extras are a pain!
They won't undress? Get rid of them!
I don't want them!
Get rid of them!
There! It's better without them!
Quiet, shooting now, everyone in place,
The way you look at her!
It's idiotic, you're awful!
Your smile is all twisted. Like this!
You seem fonder of the crew than her!
Is this helping me?
No, but I have to tell you.
Where's that bum think he's going?
Why shoot if they're lousy?
We can't dawdle! Look at the weather!
They can't even kiss right!
I'll go speak to him.
- You smile up here! - I can't see myself!
We can see you're only kissing her
because it says so in the script!
That mustn't show in the movie.
In real life, people kiss because they want to!
- This isn't real life. - You're an actor!
An actor has to look real. not like an actor!
She doesn't want me to kiss her. she told me!
You have to kiss her. You read the part?
Later you're supposed to make love!
Forget that he's talking crap.
You shouldn't even talk to him.
You're dying for him to kiss you.
And you know he'll do it, even though it's absurd,
so when he does it, you...
Don't stop for your lines! To hell with what I wrote!
I want you to kiss interminably.
But he won't kiss me.
He says you won't! I believe you.
I kissed him.
I don't care, I know it's my work!
In love scenes. boys are shier than girls,
so you go it...
The camera's on you, but he could wreck the scene.
He kisses badly.
Not as well as my boyfriend.
So you kiss her badly?
Dunno. I only kiss girls who want to!
Kiss her so she enjoys it, OK?
At least so l. as a spectator, enjoy it!
Go on. kiss now! Let us see. Go on!
Go on, hurry!
- I get in position? - Yes, I'm waiting!
Not little pecks, kiss her properly.
I want it to last. it must be interminable.
Looks like a corpse!
Let's shoot it.
I'll take that.
- We can go now. - Yes, but right away.
- We're losing the light! - I was rehearsing.
Shooting now! Everyone in place, please!
We're running out of time.
Look at those two idiots!
That's not how you smooch!
Watch out! The equipment!
Crazy country: rain and sunshine at once!
That's the Atlantic coast!
I said let's get it in the can fast!
Get what in the can? You saw that kiss?
It's her! She's turning her head away!
Leo. this is serious:
they're doing it to dodge the sex scene!
They won't do the love scenes.
But without that, I've got nothing.
Here's Mr Two-Faced!
She can't go in the sea. Her mother phoned me at 2AM.
Her mother? She's 18?
Doctor's orders: only up to her knees!
My script says she swims!
If a doctor says she can't, we've got an insurance claim.
Want to make a claim? No? Then I'll shoot.
- And the skinny dip? - Don't say "skinny dip"!
That's not my language! Or how I talk to actors!
Up to there, you're OK.
Right, a horrible shot!
A girl in a swimsuit, cut off there is awful!
If she can't take the icy water, it's my problem!
It's up to her and me! Not you!
It's not for the production manager!
I'll make her swim!
Whatever he and his cronies say:
I'm not nuts.
The actors, pals or not, I can control.
I'm always in control.
They're my actors!
When I seem furious. I'm not really angry.
Maybe I am, but it's good for the role.
That's how the movie has to be shot.
Don't worry, I won't harm the movie!
I'm not worried.
You should be.
I never know what I'll do. it's terrifying.
I don't know how I manage.
It's always a last minute thing.
I love post-industrial garbage dumps.
I dote on whatever mangles the landscape.
Did you break your foot?
I put my foot down!
It broke itself. A metaphor for this film.
Anyway, the cane is fabulous.
- lsn't it? - Very 17th century!
The very same garden as at the villa.
We did our best.
Scary! We just finished it in time.
Even the plants are the same!
I love studios.
That reflection will be a pain.
Jeanne, you have to decide.
Bart needs to know the set up.
I want to see the bedroom door to link things,
then we move in closer.
No, in fact the opposite.
We pull back as she goes toward the bedroom.
Or I do it in two shots.
That'll take more time.
Can we do it in one shot?
No problem! We get rid of a wall.
Will that take long?
We'll split it there and there...
- I'll help you. Shall I pour? - No!
You broke your foot?
I put my foot down! To save this film!
- You in pain? - Forget it!
I'm on the set. so I'm not out sick!
You'll see. the mood's different.
In a studio, you're in control.
Not like outside. where the weather's king.
A studio's like a church. A place of speech.
The movie's speech. Not your smutty jokes!
You find jokes vulgar: they relax me.
I feel loved by the grips and electricians.
I really need to be loved by them.
The love scenes are coming up.
"Male jokes" soon get out of hand.
I need to love you, to film you!
You wiggle your ass for the crew: I want to puke!
- I mean no harm. I'm very shy. - Not at all!
You waste your charm. There's none left for the camera!
I said you looked ugly on the beach...
- Screw beauty! - That's not what I meant!
I mean moral ugliness!
An actor who isn't in the shot!
His flesh is there. but not his soul.
You can have the best light, the best cameraman.
if the actor doesn't give you his inner light,
you film dead flesh. The corpse of a film!
I won't use the angle on you, or very little.
OK, that's what editing is for,
so it doesn't really matter.
You think the Actress is hopeless,
but what she gave me is magnificent!
She turns her green eyes on you:
it's like she's burning with desire for you.
That shot will make the scene!
It'll do wonders for her character.
Your Actress is hopeless! She's not an actress!
I'm interested in myself: I'm unique.
You're unique? How can you say that?
If I'm ill at ease, screw your film.
But I'm well-paid, so I'm happy.
Don't say it's just for the money.
No, I'm glad to do your film, and glad to be well-paid.
You insulted me on the beach! You enjoy that!
No. I don't!
When I see the scene's bad, I panic.
I don't realize what I'm saying.
Awful things! They freeze me up.
I want you to be as I see you.
- I can't see myself! - You must sense it!
Flirting with everyone, as if you wanted to bed them!
I'm furious it won't be in the film.
But we got it once: the scene in the dunes is great!
You're the way I like you, and you have dimples.
An ironic counterpoint to the scene's sentimentality.
A thing and its opposite.
But in the dune scene. something happened.
You let yourself go.
You stopped protecting yourself,
worrying if you were obscene.
Fear of being obscene, makes one obscene.
The camera frames what one sees. doesn't see.
or thinks one sees.
And the emotion you convey.
Emotion is never dirty or obscene. It's grace.
Sorry to interrupt your intimate conversation...
It's not intimate.
I watched you from afar, I didn't dare come over.
How did we look?
You have a weird relationship with your Actor,
so passionate, like two wildcats.
No one dares interfere. as you go at each other.
It started badly, but I think we'll get over that.
He's horribly proud!
- One more? - No. that's it.
Which do we print?
The last one for sure. and...
- There's Take 4. - Did you like it?
Not bad. Smilier.
I'm not wild about smiles.
That one too, can't do any harm.
2. 4 and the last one!
He has to try on his fake penis.
I'm in no hurry for that!
Knowwhat I call him?
He just stands in front of the camera for a take.
He's such a whore on the set!
A tramp, who wiggles his ass.
It's always that way: at first you're enthusiastic
about your male leads, you pick them for their looks.
Then they let you down, you reject them.
Last time. it was the same.
I felt it was very different.
No. the same.
You look at boys the way men look at girls:
for consumption, not human qualities.
I always film machos. What can I do?
Rhett Butler. in "Gone with the Wind". was the ultimate macho.
I think we can only love the men we despise.
Antagonism is a tonic for desire.
Right, human qualities can't match desire.
Yes, but desire is a human quality.
Yes! It's a human quality!
- Is it ready? - No.
It's not holding on him naturally.
At home I tried it on myself for an hour.
Playing guinea pig. It worked fine. But on him...
His penis is slightly bent. You want it bent or straight?
Straight is prettier.
How bent is it? 35 degrees?
It won't hold, it droops.
- But you'll manage? - Yes, I have to perfect it.
It could rest on his pubes,
we'd have to shave them.
You can't, they're continuity.
I need 20 minutes. Will I manage?
I think I will.
- I leave you alone? - Yes. I'd rather.
It's hard. I'm sorry.
No, it's just work.
No, I feel lousy. I want to puke.
A man has touched my cock twice. I'm not used to it!
- Want a beer? - No.
You do! I'll get you one. Drink. don't think!
The scene'll go all by itself.
When you do it, it won't be a chore.
It's simple: you just do it.
I know. It's a challenge for me. I still want to puke!
You should come with us.
I'll be here tomorrow. I won't run off.
Afraid I'll run off?
I won't run off. I'm paid to do the film.
Next week. he's at the inn with us. He'll be fine.
You won't dine with us?
No. I'm tired.
I have to go over my lines.
And phone my boyfriend.
Don't worry, I'm fine.
Well, good night!
She's cooped up in her room, he's not even here.
If they don't want me to talk to them. I won't.
I phoned the hotel.
He's not out drinking, he's already back.
A bottle of champagne?
...But your kind of scenes don't make things easier.
You said it.
That's the problem.
An intimate scene...
A "nude scene", as they say...
I hate that expression!
...always frightens them a lot more,
even though, paradoxically,
it's what made them want to do the film!
They can't admit it to themselves.
Once they've got the part, and have to do the scene.
and admit they wanted to do it,
and that they wanted to be watched doing it,
then the fear sets in.
Then they try and blame you:
"You revel in this kind of scene!" You trapped them!
Because they see the scene as they'd direct it.
As something dirty. As if I didn't exist!
Whereas I like purity.
But the dunghill kind. Or it's not purity, it's dumb.
But where they have a point is,
no one faults you for a bad restaurant scene.
you were in a lousy movie, doesn't matter!
But your ass,
in a sex scene, is your ass!
And they always trigger the hostilities!
Let's hit the sack.
You know, I think they have to hate me to act well.
Once they don't care if I love them,
they can face my look, my judgment,
without being afraid to disappoint me.
I'll go up to him,
I'll stand in front of him and stare at him.
so he understands it's my right.
So he sees he can't dodge me, or the role.
There's a lot of lines. A guy can't get it up just like that.
So we had a fake one made. to ease things!
But he could have said:
"l can't get it up for your film". Rather than have a cast made.
To think I didn't dare ask him!
Yes, you palmed it off on me, as usual!
And he accepted meekly, as if it was normal.
Actors amaze me.
But for the girl, I think it's much better.
The fact that it's not a real cock is more... reassuring.
Really? You think it's more politically correct?
- Is it ready? - Yes.
It's perfect! Looks just like a real one.
Take it easy, Jeanne.
It's tough for him.
Supposedly he has a huge one, 9 inches!
But he may have asked Willy to cheat.
If that's his real size, I'm jealous.
I'll try to get the truth from Willy.
Great. she'll look like a rag doll in tears.
It's funny, you never look at the big one.
Yes. I do.
No, your look's always there.
Because I'm not at the right height.
The big one's useless: you don't look at it.
Still. it's better.
My dad's arriving in two days.
I have to be 2 extra nights in Lisbon. or I'll miss him.
He can't come here.
You're pretty crafty.
You make promises and don't keep them.
I had an awful dream last night, I hardly slept.
I had a cock that reached to the sky.
I'd become tiny.
It was awful. one of those dreams that seem real.
I woke up all the time, sweating, unable to move.
With that thing, stuck in my belly.
Like a stake for a vampire.
But the real vampire was my penis.
I no longer existed!
I've never had a dream like that. It was awful.
Are we lunching together?
He's already seated on the bed?
We'll do time-lapses, we can't shoot it all!
He brought her here to show her the house.
his parents are away, he's on the bed.
That's just it. It's too obvious!
If I was her, I'd just stand there...
You say to me:
"Don't just stand there!"
She comes forward...
You be the girl, I'll be the boy.
Right down to it?
Sure, they're on a bed, after all!
Then this dummy speaks: she's scared.
Speech is the best chastity belt.
And she sticks her elbows into him. Girls are great at that.
As you move in, the elbow jabs your ribs. Very painful.
Yes, but they're smooching.
Sure they are, but nothing more.
Then what does he do?
He does this...
Goes straight for her tits?
I'll play along, but don't blame me if I get a hard-on.
Stop showing off, you're not hard.
I'm desperately doing mental equations,
thinking of my tax return, the shooting schedule...
Liar, you don't have a hard-on!
I told you, I'm thinking about my tax return!
It'd be very embarrassing if I got a hard-on here.
Especially as my skinny look is misleading.
Stop boasting that you have a big one.
Too bad you're not hard, at least we'd find out!
The shot's worked out.
Those who whisper that I sleep with my assistant: not at all.
I know some of you whisper that I sleep with my assistant.
- Where's the art-director? - I'm here!
Put a board under the mattress. It's not a bed, it's an octopus.
You can't do a love scene on a soft bed. it's absurd.
For movies, you need hard beds!
We'll find one.
You OK? Not too worried?
No. I'm fine.
It's the Actor's place. Unless he's not coming...
No problem! I'll go elsewhere.
Are we eating together?
He wants you alone.
You lunching with me?
She hates me.
I'd kill her if I could.
No. she's nice.
Hardly fascinating, but nice.
She's an idiot!
Yesterday she said horrible things.
She's out to humiliate any guy within range.
You didn't call me this weekend?
You gave me a wrong cell phone number.
You didn't call the hotel?
And you think I gave you a wrong number?
You want total obedience. or you get destructive.
Once the movie's over.
we'll be total strangers.
I don't wish it. but it usually happens.
I don't want it to happen.
You must trust me. respect my freedom.
I can't hole up in the inn, I need to go out, alone.
But you behave like a very social animal!
The crew's my second family!
I spent my childhood on film sets with my dad.
You want to meet him?
You'll like him.
He's more stylish than me, more handsome.
I like having greasy hands, or working the soil.
I hate possessions, clothes, I want to own nothing.
I'm not into money: money is power.
Owning nothing is freedom.
I can't stand your bossiness: you're a tyrant.
I hate that! And how you speak to people!
I'm making a film!
My relationship with you is sheer agony!
The same goes for me!
I've never felt as bad as on your film.
But I'm glad you chose me. I thought you'd take
the guy I tested with: he's more handsome.
A lot more handsome!
All those I considered.
there were three.
were all more handsome. But you're...
You're a hustler!
You can make people think you're handsome!
But I have to drag it out of you.
I can't stand being shouted at.
I found a calendar I had when I was 5.
You realize, 5 years old!
I'd put a cross on certain days. There were 5...
There were only 5 days...
5 days when what?
When my stepmother didn't beat me.
So when I'm shouted at, I go nuts!
It's not meanness, it's anxiety.
Aren't you hungry? You've hardly eaten anything.
Neither have you.
An empty stomach's good for the scene. So I'm light.
Take off your socks! A boy in socks looks silly.
I won't take them off!
Yes, you will.
Not my socks. I'm fine this way. Basta!
I decide that!
Tomorrow they go! You can't be naked in socks!
I'll take off my shoes. But my socks is too much.
I must be dreaming!
This guy's driving me nuts!
If I can't make him take off his socks...
He's an asshole... I already hate him!
Why won't you take off your socks?
Ashamed of your feet? Are they abnormal?
Barefoot isn't bareass.
I'm a fetishist.
If I don't keep on my socks, I think I'll die.
Just tell yourself it's OK to remove them.
I said I'm a fetishist. I can't be reassured.
What'll you do tomorrow?
Just trust me.
- He keeps his socks on? - Yes. he does.
- There he still has them on. - I agreed to it.
Let's all be quiet, please.
Chew on the medal.
- Roll it! - Rolling.
- Clapper! - 22/9 Take 8!
"Don't just stand there!"
"Let's not stay in the bedroom."
Your lines! Let's go!
"You don't like it in here?"
I like the ambiguity...
Move in closer... Camera moves in!
That's not fast enough...
We should've done it when I said so...
But it's not bad.
That's not the right position, sit up!
"lf anything happens to me, I'll be to blame."
"What could happen?"
Kiss her properly!
You've already kissed, this is teenage love!
Like in a disco. or a car.
on the sand. on the beach...
Life is being good to you.
The elbow goes on her breast, we move in closer.
his hand on her breast...
Use your elbow, I want to see it...
The elbow's to protect the body!
Now your hand slides down her body...
He floors me!
Your face looked wonderful.
as you leaned over him, I saw your emotion, your innocence...
Then you turned your head to get the cigarette,
but it was totally mechanical.
I lost your expression, your emotion, your innocence,
all the magic I had when you were looking at him.
Let's do it again... Stay like that.
Take the cigarette much later. OK?
But first. I want that look.
You never kissed anyone, asshole?
I love teen years!
She's going to get it.
Yes. but she wants that. As long as he's responsible for it.
That's young girls for you!
Jeanne will take this very badly!
You making a big mistake, pal!
You said he needn't stay at the inn?
I did not. I said it was OK until tonight.
Shall I call him at the hotel?
No. I don't want to talk to him!
But he'll hear from me!
But what do I do?
Send my 2nd assistant to move him by force?
He can do what he wants! I don't care!
I said Jeanne isn't with me! I can't disturb her!
Call her in her room!
All I know is she's furious! Call her and settle it with her!
I won't talk to him.
Some days I hate playing go-between!
You pick actors, because you love them.
But once they've got the role, they change.
Because now you can't fire them, so they get even.
You treat them like princes and princesses.
But they want to be loved for what they are.
So once they've been chosen and have power,
and even the dumbest understand that...
the film becomes their hostage.
They're in front of the camera, you can't do a thing about it.
It's really painful.
I say I hate them, but deep down I love them.
I hate them for not loving me.
You think they do the film out of love. but...
I don't know... Out of vanity? Why do they do the film?
And there's their cowardly side.
When you get tough with them, though you have no real power,
they're the first to be hateful, to trigger the hostilities.
And when they back down, you despise them.
Though you'd really like to love them.
I'm talking about actors, not actresses.
With them I get along, even when we don't like each other.
The violence. the power trip, is masculine.
But it's when you put them down that they're dazzling,
as if they needed it.
Because an actor is female.
He has to be. to be an actor.
And sharing your emotion with them is a mistake.
A director is a predator, you drag the emotion out of them!
It becomes yours, your name's on the film.
The actors are the film's basic material.
That's how it is: humanly it's appalling.
It's like I'm going to my own hanging.
Think they'll take their clothes off?
He wouldn't take his socks off: that's not promising!
In other people's films actors undress, don't they?
All of them!
Even for lousy scenes.
They do shower scenes that are sheer titillation!
But for me, they won't do it!
I'll do it in one shot.
I'll shoot the whole scene in one shot.
So they can't escape me.
Once they're naked, they can't get dressed.
It's the only solution.
1 5 pages! How will you manage?
I can! I can do it!
We'll shoot the scene in one shot. We'll put cue-boards everywhere.
The whole scene?
We'll cut that blonde.
I need a flag for that poly.
You don't look happy.
I can't complain. I'm well-paid.
What is it?
You want to tell me something?
I'll tell you later.
Tell me now, it's simpler.
It doesn't matter.
What is it?
No, but the script never says he's naked.
He takes off his pants, but not his shorts.
I know, I wrote that, it was silly!
I should have re-read it.
A guy with a hard-on sticking out of his shorts?
It'll look farcical.
I want to know:
it also says his cock is seen in shadowplay.
It won't be in shadowplay.
That's a figure of speech.
For people who make decisions after reading scripts.
It says "shadowplay".
To hell with what I write!
Cinema is who plays it.
Films change depending on the actor.
In any case, he doesn't keep on his shorts.
But I'd like him to keep on his shirt.
Naked bodies bore me.
We'll try things out...
We'll try them and then see...
Jeanne. Iunch break.
I'll skip lunch, I don't want to see them.
No point in re-reading it.
The scene makes no sense to me now.
I doubt they'll lunch: they're rehearsing.
They're going over their lines.
I'm glad to hear that.
Give me the car keys just in case,
but I'll go for a walk.
I'd be on the set at 12:01 on the dot.
This is happiness.
Want to hear the latest?
He didn't come to lunch. She came for 20 minutes.
Did they say anything, did they ask for me?
No, they seem calm.
Their bodies are made-up?
I reminded her this morning.
So they know? And they agree to it?
I can't believe it.
Nowwhat do we do?
I don't know.
I have to figure it out myself.
I need to be alone. too.
The set's restricted to the director's staff! Go away!
You throw me out when you light it!
I need to figure what I wrote,
to go over my scene.
Later. we'll rehearse. Endlessly!
You leave. too.
But I'm doing the scene with you!
No! I have a right to be alone!
You respect a writer's need to be alone! I need it. too!
I'll be in a corner. in case you need me.
No! Go away!
I don't want a glimpse of you!
Why did you leave?
My boss said: everyone out!
Not you, I need you.
I'm very flattered.
I don't know where to begin.
I'm totally lost.
When I wrote it. the scene made sense.
Last night, I reread it and it fell apart.
I reread it 15 times!
Nothing, it meant nothing!
You be the girl!
I know what boys do...
They're totally predictable.
The girl's the answer.
So first I have to know what he'll do.
It's the body movements, never the words.
Words are lies. bodies are truth.
Now I have to invent the truth.
She's lying on the bed...
She puts an arm on her forehead,
you're dreaming, open-eyed...
He's undressing, but you don't want to know it.
Her feet are together... Yes, together.
That's not together, that's crossed.
Now he can do what girls like... nothing...
Remember, she's a virgin!
Surrender! Or he'll look dumb with his ass sticking out.
That's no good...
No, girls let boys do things.
Because it forces boys to do them.
What does she say now? Say it!
"l love you, but..."
That awful "but"!
And she twists around...
which brings her here...
That'll be nice for the camera.
Now we can see he's getting nowhere.
You're such bitches!
Not at all!
It's the conflict between her desire. She wants him...
And her view of her own dignity.
Is getting laid by a boy good for her self-image?
Sex is what people do most and admit least.
Can you ask Rose to come in?
She's the size of the Actress.
She'll be the girl. You, for once, the boy.
Ask Rose to come to the set, please?
As fast as you can, thanks.
It's all so precise and complex...
If only girls were more normal!
All this to get laid for the first time!
They're all out there waiting!
We were holed up 1 hr 26 minutes!
No? It felt like 20 minutes.
1 hr 26!
Now we'll rehearse it till the moves are perfect.
And none of those terrycloth robes
that are so dear to actors!
I want to see bodies.
Bodies can't move in bathrobes.
And they're no help for the lighting.
Wear shorts or swimsuits.
It won't be indecent.
You won't be cold. the lights'll be on.
If they're cold, do we have heating?
OK, we got it.
- We rehearsing? - Yes.
Will the fake penis stay on? He'll move a lot.
I had a fake one made so the erection isn't a problem.
But we must be discreet.
We'll see it clearly at first, but it mustn't intrude.
OK. we'll see.
We have to try it out with the camera. No problem.
But I need an hour for the lighting.
There are changes there...
Lots of changes!
I want this one.
Isn't it a bit much?
No, I'll try it on and see if it's OK.
We can always change it.
Why the different sizes? I thought it was a real cast.
Here it is.
Medium size. French norms.
I'm extra large, so...
Can we talk when you have time?
I always have time for actors. We can talk now.
No later, when you have time.
I said I have time. We can talk now.
No outside. come outside.
I don't want the others to hear.
I never thought we'd work this way.
You work it all out, I just copy Leo.
When you threw me out, I thought I'd die.
I'm not an actor who mimes others.
it's how I feel about the role.
Of course it is!
Your body's playing the role.
And your body has its own shape and movements!
You're the one I'm filming,
you'll be doing it.
At least, let me watch you imagining the scene.
Excluding me was sheer violence.
You refuse to understand.
I needed to be alone.
The film's hard for me. too.
It's no trifle. I'm at stake here.
If you're bad, you'll say I'm to blame.
That the film's hopeless.
You'll say it's not your film.
With Leo and Rose. I'm like alone.
I know Leo doesn't count. that's why I'm not mad at you.
Trust me. You want me to trust you, but trust me!
I know the fake penis is an ordeal.
I'm fine. What about her? Does she know I'm wearing one?
No. I wanted to talk to you both.
I wanted us all to meet at the inn and talk. You refused.
No, I didn't. I told you.
Lies. Doesn't matter. that's how it is.
Each film is different. this one relies on silence.
Not speaking to the actors can be a way.
You must talk to her.
She doesn't know I'll be naked. she won't agree.
She says total nudity isn't in her contract.
- I hate actors who talk contracts! - She's calling her agent.
Let her! As long as she doesn't talk to me!
Yes. but she does to me!
In the make-up trailer! Ask the girls!
Until she tells me, things are fine.
I'm aware of everything. But I disregard what I'm not told.
I know my job. I've always done it this way.
I've dodged you both all morning.
I didn't come to make-up. When I do, you're both distant.
So self-important, selfish, vain.
Checking yourselves in the mirror, giving orders!
As if you owned the world, and that was fine.
I can't wait till it's over!
Unless assistants go get you, you're never on time!
You're so unprofessional. You're mindless!
You act like children. it's all you know!
I've had it, I'm not your mom. I hate mothering actors!
Actors are well-paid, because it's hard work!
I think we're expected.
Get on top of her.
Stop acting like a toad!
He'll be a pain, he'll never get it right!
That looked terrible! For us it was awful!
Now show me! It's very precise.
That's crap! I'll do it as I feel it! I'm not a machine.
The feelings come later. Let's do a run through.
You be the boy.
Like this. OK?
She turns this way.
And grabs him with her arm, like this...
The more her back's against him,
the tighter they'll be.
She's strangling me, what a grip!
See? That way he can't get away.
That's girls for you!
Then I'm not a girl, I'm easier.
Not your first time? How was your first time?
A disaster. I'd chosen a boy who was lousy.
Not like my sweetheart.
Anyway, his character's freaking out,
For her it's crystal-clear. For him. it's horrible!
He shouldn't be so obsessed with balling her!
Anyway he's quite nice, really.
OK. You want me to play it nice?
Not like a bastard. Since he ends up being one.
Play it the other way round.
Be tender. considerate. moved by her.
So I play it as a nice guy?
Let's go, I'll do the scene.
Let's shoot it! Anyway, let's try.
We may not get it, but... Go see Willy!
I should've told you, but I couldn't.
The Actor must have a hard-on. I had a fake penis made. You knew?
- No. - I'm telling you.
It's rough, but on the screen it'll hardly show.
And there'll be no contact. it's a fake one.
If he touches you, it's a plastic cast. his cock's inside.
Whatever touches you is plastic.
Good. Between takes, he paws me, he doesn't respect me.
He's an idiot.
Will I be naked?
More or less.
She definitely isn't wearing panties.
But she should be partly clad: so keep on your dress.
We'll raise it. of course. but it's on you.
Go get changed.
- Is it OK? - Yes.
In the end we used the biggest.
Try this on.
I have to see it. It's the only way to know.
Anyway, I told her. Sure she won't do it?
At noon she said no total nudity: it wasn't in the script.
It was. come on!
I told her she'd be naked. Wasn't I explicit?
She said she wouldn't do it.
That's because it's tough.
She thinks she'll be bad. But on the set. she'll do it.
Say what you want about her, she's gutsy.
She takes risks, she's not a pain.
With a tank top, it looks silly.
A naked torso is lovely!
Maybe you'll wear pants, we'll see.
When your hair's done, it'll be perfect.
Should I put on my pants?
No. wear a T-shirt and sweater.
T-shirt and sweater!
He can't concentrate.
I don't want to see that!
Nothing at all!
It's subliminal! No huge cock out front!
We only see his hard-on as he lies down! Again!
Let's all be quiet, please!
And muzzle the dog!
- Speed! - Clapboard.
36/6/ Take 3.
Now you can't see a thing!
Don't overdo it! Cut!
What is it?
We didn't see the cock! It must show and not show!
Down with censorship!
The asshole bit me in the neck!
Let's be very quiet, please! Shooting now!
- Speed. - Clapper!
36/6/ Take 7!
Telling him to spit didn't help.
But the anxiety's giving him a great look.
As to her!
The Velcro's coming off!
I overexposed my dong!
Thanks for the break!
The actors needed it.
So did the crew.
How about this for shadowplay!
She doesn't turn him on! He can't get it up for her!
No, only for the grips!
This is for you!
Don't look at him..
Everyone bareass! All together now!
I've had enough, I want to shoot now!
- Stay away! - Could I be naked, with gloves?
- Hey? - Don't touch me!
You want some?
The scene's good. You reassured?
It's OK with me.
You don't have to walk around bareass.
- I don't mind. - But I do!
Shit! He's really good!
But she's not coming across.
It's good, but not good enough.
Dazzle me on the monitor. so I feel like an intruder!
I have no right to watch this scene!
It's very intimate!
I must be breathless. watching you is indecent!
When you cry, it's OK. But those are empty tears.
She's crying, naked in a guy's arms,
she really wants to make love to him.
but she can't. she's in her own prison!
Be more freaked from the start!
She's a virgin, it really freaks her.
She acts up, to freak him too.
So he knows it's serious. he won't just get her.
What if you screamed? Go on!
There!... Open your eyes!
That's better. Now they're clear.
We can shoot it.
"lf you were nice..."
"lf I was nice..."
"All girls do it from behind..."
"All girls do it?"
"So they can say it doesn't count..."
That was fabulous!
You're in good spirits!
Yes. I am. I think life's hilarious.
SNL Best Of Eddie Murphy 1998
S Diary 2004
Sahara (with Michael Palin) ep1
Sahara (with Michael Palin) ep2
Sahara (with Michael Palin) ep3
Sahara (with Michael Palin) ep4
Sahara (with Michael Palin) video diary bonus
Sahara interview with Michael Palin
Salaam Bombay CD1
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Salaam Cinema 1995
Salems Lot 2004 CD1
Salems Lot 2004 CD2
Salesman - Albert and David Maysles (1969)
Salo Or The 120 Days Of Sodom
Salton Sea The
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Samsara 1991 CD1
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Samurai - Miyamoto Musashi - 03 - Duel at Ganryu Island
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Samurai Assassin 1965
Sanbiki No Samurai 1964
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Sands of Iwo Jima
Santa Claus 2
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Satans Brew 1976
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Satyajit Ray - Apu Trilogy 2 Aparajito (1957)
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Savage Innocents The 1959
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Saving Silverman (R Rated Version)
Say It Isnt So 2001
Scalphunters The (1968)
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Scarecrow - (Kakashi) 25fps 2001
Scarlet Empress The (1934)
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Scary Movie 2
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Sex and Lucia (Unrated Spanish Edition)
Sex and Zen
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Shadow The Universal
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Shall We Dance
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Shaolin Soccer UnCut (2001) CD1
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Sherlock Holmes And The Voice Of Terror 1942
Sherlock Holmes Faces Death 1943
Sherlock Holmes Returns
Sherlock Holmes The Eligible Bachelor
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Shes All That
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Shield The 2x01 - The Quick Fix
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Shijushichinin No Shikaku (1994 aka 47 Ronin)
Shiki-Jitsu (Hideaki Anno 2000)
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Shiver Of The Vampires The
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Shogun 1980 Part 1
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Shop Around The Corner The 1940
Short Circuit 2
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Short Film About Killing A (1988)
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Shot In The Dark A
Show Me Love
Shredder (Greg Huson 2003)
Shriek if You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th
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Sib - The Apple
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Silver Streak 1976
Simon and Garfunkel - The Concert in Central Park
Simon of the Desert
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Simpsons 01x06 - Moaning Lisa
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Simpsons 01x08 - The Telltale Head
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Simpsons 01x12 - Krusty Gets Busted
Simpsons 01x13 - Some Enchanted Evening
Simpsons The 05x01 - Homers Barbershop Quartet
Simpsons The 05x02 - Cape Feare
Simpsons The 05x03 - Homer Goes To College
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Simpsons The 05x07 - Barts Inner Child
Simpsons The 05x08 - Boy Scoutz N The Hood
Simpsons The 05x09 - The Last-Temptation Of Homer
Simpsons The 05x10 - $pringfield
Simpsons The 05x11 - Homer The Vigilante
Simpsons The 05x12 - Bart Gets Famous
Simpsons The 05x13 - Homer And Apu
Simpsons The 05x14 - Lisa Vs Malibu Stacy
Simpsons The 05x15 - Deep Space Homer
Simpsons The 05x16 - Homer Loves Flanders
Simpsons The 05x17 - Bart Gets An Elephant
Simpsons The 05x18 - Burns Heir
Simpsons The 05x19 - Sweet Seymour Skinners Baadasssss Song
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Stargate SG1 1x01 Children of the Gods
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Stargate SG1 1x06 Cold Lazarus
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Stargate SG1 1x08 Brief Candle
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Stargate SG1 1x11 Bloodlines
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Stargate SG1 1x14 Singularity
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Stargate SG1 1x18 Tin Man
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Stargate SG1 1x20 Politics
Stargate SG1 1x21 Within the Serpents Grasp
Stargate SG1 2x01 The serpents lair
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Stargate SG1 2x03 Prisoners
Stargate SG1 2x04 The gamekeeper
Stargate SG1 2x05 Need
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Stargate SG1 2x07 Message in a bottle
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Stargate SG1 2x11 The tokra part 1
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Stargate SG1 2x13 Spirits
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Stargate SG1 2x19 One false step
Stargate SG1 2x20 Show and tell
Stargate SG1 2x21 1969
Stargate SG1 3x01 Into The Fire II
Stargate SG1 3x02 Seth
Stargate SG1 3x03 Fair Game
Stargate SG1 3x04 Legacy
Stargate SG1 3x05 Learning Curve
Stargate SG1 3x06 Point Of View
Stargate SG1 3x07 Deadman Switch
Stargate SG1 3x08 Demons
Stargate SG1 3x09 Rules Of Engagement
Stargate SG1 3x10 Forever In A Day
Stargate SG1 3x11 Past And Present
Stargate SG1 3x12 Jolinars Memories
Stargate SG1 3x13 The Devil You Know
Stargate SG1 3x14 Foothold
Stargate SG1 3x15 Pretense
Stargate SG1 3x16 Urgo
Stargate SG1 3x17 A Hundred Days
Stargate SG1 3x18 Shades Of Grey
Stargate SG1 3x19 New Ground
Stargate SG1 3x20 Maternal Instinct
Stargate SG1 3x21 Crystal Skull
Stargate SG1 3x22 Nemesis
Stargate SG1 4x01 Small Victories
Stargate SG1 4x02 The Other Side
Stargate SG1 4x03 Upgrades
Stargate SG1 4x04 Crossroads
Stargate SG1 4x05 Divide And Conquer
Stargate SG1 4x06 Window Of Opportunity
Stargate SG1 4x07 Watergate
Stargate SG1 4x08 The First Ones
Stargate SG1 4x09 Scorched Earth
Stargate SG1 4x10 Beneath The Surface
Stargate SG1 4x11 Point Of No Return
Stargate SG1 4x12 Tangent
Stargate SG1 4x13 The Curse
Stargate SG1 4x14 The Serpents Venom
Stargate SG1 4x15 Chain Reaction
Stargate SG1 4x16 2010
Stargate SG1 4x17 Absolute Power
Stargate SG1 4x18 The Light
Stargate SG1 4x19 Prodigy
Stargate SG1 4x20 Entity
Stargate SG1 4x21 Double Jeopardy
Stargate SG1 4x22 Exodus
Stargate SG1 5x01 Enemies
Stargate SG1 5x02 Threshold
Stargate SG1 5x03 Ascension
Stargate SG1 5x04 Fifth Man
Stargate SG1 5x05 Red Sky
Stargate SG1 5x06 Rite Of Passage
Stargate SG1 5x07 Beast Of Burden
Stargate SG1 5x08 The Tomb
Stargate SG1 5x09 Between Two Fires
Stargate SG1 5x10 2001
Stargate SG1 5x11 Desperate Measures
Stargate SG1 5x12 Wormhole X-Treme
Stargate SG1 5x13 Proving Ground
Stargate SG1 5x14 48 Hours
Stargate SG1 5x15 Summit
Stargate SG1 5x16 Last Stand
Stargate SG1 5x17 Failsafe
Stargate SG1 5x18 The Warrior
Stargate SG1 5x19 Menace
Stargate SG1 5x20 The Sentinel
Stargate SG1 5x21 Meridian
Stargate SG1 5x22 Revelations
Stargate SG1 6x01 Redemption Part 1
Stargate SG1 6x02 Redemption Part 2
Stargate SG1 6x03 Descent
Stargate SG1 6x04 Frozen
Stargate SG1 6x05 Nightwalkers
Stargate SG1 6x06 Abyss
Stargate SG1 6x07 Shadow Play
Stargate SG1 6x08 The Other Guys
Stargate SG1 6x09 Allegiance
Stargate SG1 6x10 Cure
Stargate SG1 6x11 Prometheus
Stargate SG1 6x12 Unnatural Selection
Stargate SG1 6x13 Sight Unseen
Stargate SG1 6x14 Smoke n Mirrors
Stargate SG1 6x15 Paradise Lost
Stargate SG1 6x16 Metamorphosis
Stargate SG1 6x17 Disclosure
Stargate SG1 6x18 Forsaken
Stargate SG1 6x19 The Changeling
Stargate SG1 6x20 Memento
Stargate SG1 6x21 Prophecy
Stargate SG1 6x22 Full Circle
Stargate SG1 7x01 Fallen
Stargate SG1 7x02 Homecoming
Stargate SG1 7x03 Fragile Balance
Stargate SG1 7x04 Orpheus
Stargate SG1 7x05 Revisions
Stargate SG1 7x06 Lifeboat
Stargate SG1 7x07 Enemy Mine
Stargate SG1 7x08 Space Race
Stargate SG1 7x09 Avenger 2 0
Stargate SG1 7x10 Birthright
Stargate SG1 7x10 Heroes II
Stargate SG1 7x11 Evolution I
Stargate SG1 7x12 Evolution II
Stargate SG1 7x13 Grace
Stargate SG1 7x14 Fallout
Stargate SG1 7x15 Chimera
Stargate SG1 7x16 Death Knell
Stargate SG1 7x17 Heroes I
Stargate SG1 7x19 Resurrection
Stargate SG1 7x20 Inauguration
Stargate SG1 7x21-22 The Lost City I n II
Starship Troopers (Special Edition)
Starship Troopers 2
Story Of A Kiss
Strange aventure de Docteur Molyneux
Street Of Love And Hope (Nagisa Oshima 1959)
Street of shame (Akasen chitai)
Streetcar Named Desire A
Summer Tale A 2000
Sunday Lunch (2003)
Super 8 Stories
Superman IV - The Quest for Peace
Surviving the Game
Swedish Love Story A (1970) CD1
Swedish Love Story A (1970) CD2
Sweetest Thing The (Unrated Version)
Swordsman III - The East is Red
Sylvester - Canned Feud (1951)
Sylvester - Speedy Gonzales (1955)
Sylvester and Elmer - Kit for Cat (1948)
Sylvester and Porky - Scaredy Cat (1948)
Sylvester and Tweety - Canary Row (1950)
Sylvester and Tweety - Putty Tat Trouble (1951)
Sylvester and Tweety - Tweetys SOS (1951)