Sex lives of the potato menClick here to download subtitles file for the movie "Sex lives of the potato men"Get Paid for using YouTube!
(Footsteps) (Vehicle door opens and closes) (Engine fails to start) (Engine fails again) (Engine fails yet again) (Engine starts) MOTORHEAD: Ace Of Spades If you like to gamble I tell you, I'm your man You win some, lose some Is's all the same to me The pleasure is to play It makes no difference what you say I don't share your greed The only card I need is the Ace of Spades The Ace of Spades Playing for the high one Dancing with the devil Going with the flow Is's all a game to me (Song drowns out dialogue) Seven or eleven Snake eyes watching you Double up or quit Double stake or split The Ace of Spades, the Ace of Spades You know I'm born to lose And gambling's for fools But that's the way I like it, baby I don't want to live forever And don't forget the Joker Pushing up the ante... Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Read 'em and weep The dead man's hand again I see it in your eyes Take one look and die The only thing you see You know it's gonna be The Ace of Spades, the Ace of Spades (Ketchup splutters) I'm going to the toilet. See you next Tuesday, then. Oh, it's a great feeling, Dave,|when your wife fuck s off and leaves you. Is's like a dream come true. My life now is one big fanny festival. I don't care if they're black, white,|yellow or purple. I'd shag anyone. Purple? Who's purple? Martians? - They're green!|- Are they? - Would you shag a Martian?|- Yeah. Would you? Might as well, I can't remember|t'last time I shagged a human being. SUPER PREACHERS: Good Karma Have you heard this -|this...fucking sandwich he's got? Tell him. Well, Linda used to put strawberry jam|on her twat. So I'd lick her out. - Blimey!|- Listen to this, Ferris. Now I'm just addicted to the taste.|Fanny juice and strawberries. He's got fucking strawberry jam|and fish paste sandwiches. Fucking hell, Tolly. Is's the nearest I can get to the flavour. Go on, have a bite. Is's fucking horrible. No, thank s. Try it. Tolly, I ain't eating a sandwich|that tastes like Linda's twat. It really doesn't, though.|And that's the problem. Can't quite get the flavour right. Erm...Kings Heath, you know, paint factory. That's them. And Lozells Road.|You know about that, don't you? You've already give 'em us. Have I?|Must've done. Sorry. It was a late night. Were you up all night watching porn channels? No, I went round to see Ruth at her flat. Drank a lot of wine, played chess,|talked about book s all night. You know what it's like. Anyway, you've er...|you've got the things, so er... Yeah. Good stuff. I went out this bird once, right. She used to lick my arse. Like, stick her tongue...right up my arse. Which is great,|but then she'd try and snog me. Which is like...fucking...|swings and roundabouts, that is. You can't fucking win. {y:i}I'd hate to think what she has|{y:i}in her sandwiches. Shit, probably. {y:i}WOMAN:|{y:i}How's my favourite son-in-law? You know what it's like, Joan,|when you've got all your fingers in a big pie. I can't find my bag.|Have you seen my bag? God, Joan, where's your jumper? In the kitchen. You look nice. Why don't you pull your trousers down? Er... {y:i}- Do you want me to help you?|{y:i}- No, no. I can manage. That's a very lengthy type of sausage. Yeah. Don't get many complaints. {y:i}You krow about my bad knees|{y:i}and my arthesis. I'm on steroids and that.|Why don't I just plonk myself on the table? Yeah, that could work. (Sighs) My mother-in-law gave me a|blow job last night. Mine gave me a fishing rod once. At the end she wiped herself down|with toilet paper and put it in the ashtray. And then I was trying to have a fag|and that was the worst bit. You know, flicking the ash|onto the wet toilet paper. She's 50, you know, Joan. I've never seen varicose veins that big. Is's a tricky one, that, Ferris. You don't want to upset her|or you'll have nowhere to live. I can't afford to move out.|Is's going to keep on happening. Well, there's only way out of that situation. What's that? I don't know. I'm just saying.|There's probably only one way out of it. {y:i}But I don't know what it is. I don't pay any rent. Free food, you know. No bills.|I'm laughing, really. But I can't go on living with|my mother-in-law for ever. If I was still married, then... Well, I am still married legally,|but...you know what I mean. At least you're getting blow jobs! {y:i}Two years ago was last|{y:i}before I had off Vicky I don't know what I've done wrong. I'm scared to go home these days. If I wasn't so lazy,|I'd become a workaholic. (Fruit machine bleeps) - Is's the potato men.|- Hiya, Phil. {y:i}- How's it going?|{y:i}- Not bad, not bad. Still working for Stan? No. There's a few things in the pipeline, though. And I'm thinking of setting up|a market stall selling broken biscuits. - Is's all happening, then.|- Yeah. So er...you still scared of wasps? He's frightened to death of wasps. I'm not scared of 'em.|If they fucking sting you, you know about it. I bought this candy floss once, right.|About ten fucking wasps attacked it. I'm like, "Fuck off, out of it." Just got all tangled up in it. Couldn't eat it. Fucking wasps - cunts. A wasp sting can kill you. - That's right.|- No, it's not. It is. Is's well-known, wasp sting. They can trigger, you know, death in a person. Yeah, but if you didn't have wasps,|you wouldn't have honey, so... No, that's bees. Bees make honey. Well, same thing.|Little fucking stripy jumpers on. Fuck 'em! Bees make honey? Since when? Are you fucking serious? Bees and wasps, they invented honey. {y:i}DAVE:|{y:i}That's how they became famous Actually, it's just honey bees that make honey. Honey bees! On jars of honey,|there's always pictures of bees. {y:i}FERRIS: Yeah I know I thought. I thought honey was just treacle with bees in it. You what? Don't they just mix a few bees up in the treacle?|Flavour it up a bit? I don't know. - Fucking hell, you don't eat bees.|- How do bees make honey, then? Phil. They eat flowers, I think. And something to do with eating the flowers|produces a honey effect when they spit it out. All insects make sweet substances. Bees make honey and ants make sugar. - Do they fuck!|- They fucking do, don't they, Phil? No. I thought they did. Why didn't you pick Katie up from my mum's? Was I meant to? You smell like a pub. Yeah, well, it just gets in your clothes,|the smoke and the beer smell. Did you put that flannel on the telly? I had a dirty face and erm...|I don't know how it got there. {y:i}I'm running round after a child all day. I'm not running round after you as well. You're the one who wanted a kid.|And now you've got one, it's like it's my fault. I wanted a family. And this isn't a family. Because...you're a fucking idiot. Look, I don't even know what I'm arguing about. {y:i}It's very basic Dave. Is's about being in the house now and again. Being a proper dad. What's wrong with you? You know, we're just going round in circles here. {y:i}- You're not behaving like a human being.|{y:i}- No I know. But who does? You've got to be realistic. {y:i}You might think this is normal,|{y:i}but I don't. And I'm not going to carry on living like this. If I was a monkey, a male monkey, I wouldn't even be here having this argument. I'd be down the pub, getting drunk... (Vacuum cleaner whirs)|- ..shagging loads of female monkeys. That's a natural state of affairs|for a male in any species. This situation here, it's a relatively modern one. And goes totally against nature. I'm telling you,|society's under a lot of strain right now. (Vacuum cleaner off) Dave? I can't go on any more with this.|You'll have to get out of here. Twelve months ago today, I met Ruth.|Is's our anniversary. She's probably forgot, but... I'm going to take her out|for a nice, expensive, slap-up meal. Champagne, you know. Starters. Puddings. Linda never remembered|our wedding anniversary. Or my birthday. I think it was the heroin. Is's hard to keep the romance in a relationship. Men like you and me, Tolly,|we're a dying breed. I used to put strawberry jam on her twat. Yeah. Dying breed, Tolly, dying breed. Ruth? - Oh.|- You look lovely. Your hair... Sorry, what did you want? I got you these. Don't take this the wrong way.|If you don't leave me alone,|I will call the police. Why? {y:i}- For the last time Jeremy, go away!|{y:i}- All couples have arguments. We are not a couple any more. How can you go from being...really liking me|to not wanting to see me? I don't get it. To be honest, I didn't like you|that much at any point, so... You've got a new boyfriend, haven't you? Just tell me. I'm going to walk away. Leave me alone. {y:i}- I'll always love you, Ruth.|{y:i}- Fuck off! {y:i}- Give us a ring.|{y:i}- Fuck off, Jeremy! Any time. I like your outfit, by the way. It look s really nice on you. Women, eh? DELIBES: Flower Duet from Lakme {y:i}JEREMY: Like a leaf falling from a tree|{y:i}I fell for you. {y:i}Gradual. Then suddenly. {y:i}My insides melt. {y:i}Your eyes, eyebrows, nose, mouth.|{y:i}Everything leading to now. {y:i}In the lake my shattered reflection. {y:i}The mirror pieces of heartbreak {y:i}Be still then passion. {y:i}She has turned away like the winter. {y:i}My inberrating love {y:i}As it warms|{y:i}the clear shafts of sunlight penetrate {y:i}your moist fanny with my|{y:i}stiff meaty love-rocket (Gasps) Fucking bitch! {y:i}TOLLY: Like I say|{y:i}you can stay here as long as you like. {y:i}DAVE: Yeah cheers Tol Sad, you know, when you've been|with someone a long time. Well, she should have thought of that|before she nagged me to death. I'm a youg man. I'm only 31 , 32. I don't need it. You know what I mean? I still ain't got over, you know,|when Linda left me. You know what my first thought was? "Great, I can shag loads of birds now." But, like, my second thought was, "Who?" Who can I shag?|Who exactly am I going to be shagging? All kinds of thoughts go racing|through your mind. Linda was shagging|a mental patient behind my back. I remember, yeah. I tell you what, I'm going to be sliding down|a very steep learning curve. No doubt about it. But from now on, that's it. Is's just going to be fanny,|blow jobs, big tits and... you know, beer. That's the kind of lifestyle I want. - Sandwich?|- Cheers, mate. THE CORAL: Dreaming Of You What's up with my heart when it skips a beat? {y:i}Skips a beat. Can't feel no pavement right under my feet {y:i}Under my feet. {y:i}Up in my lonely room|{y:i}Wah-oooh When I'm dreaming of you {y:i}Oh, what can I do?|{y:i}Wah-oooh I still need you, but I don't want you now... All right, mate, is er...Poppy in? No, she's not. (Sighs) That's a shame. Is she all right, though? Who are you? Sorry, mate. I'm Dave. I'm an old friend of Poppy's.|What time are you expecting her back? Not till late. She's at work. Can you give her a message? What? - Have you got a pen and a bit of paper?|- Look, just tell me. - You must have some paper.|- Oh, Jesus Christ! This is important! All right, the message is from me, Dave. That's D-A-V-E. Just say, with respect to the threesome - yeah?|Just put threesome. With respect to the threesome, it's a thumbs-up. Is's just that she asked me|if I'd be interested but, you know, I was still with my wife at the time, so er... Mind you, I'm going back a bit now. I've not seen Poppy for a couple of years. You know, she could be... - You're not her husband, are you?|- No. - This is her mam's house, in't it?|- Yeah. - Who are you, then?|- I'm her brother. Ooh, nice one. Brother. How did that come about, then? What do you mean? Yeah, if you could pass the message on,|that would be great. I'll just write my number down. There you go. How's your mam, anyway? She died last year. What a shame. Anyway, get Poppy to give us a ring|as soon as she gets back cos I've just split up with my wife. Last night, actually. Is's taking me a while to adjust, so a threesome|with your sister would be superb right now. Tell her it's urgent! BUZZCOCKS: Orgasm Addict Well, you tried it just for once,|found it all right for kick s But now you found out|that it's a habit that stick s And you're an orgasm addict You're an orgasm addict Sneaking in the back door|with dirty magazines Now your mother wants to know|what all those stains on your jeans are. And you're an orgasm addict You're an orgasm addict Ah-ha, ah-ha, ah-ha Ah-ha, ah-ha, ah-ha You get in a heat, you get in a sulk But you still keep a-beating|your meat to pulp... Yeah? Wow. What else are you wearing? Oh, God! Really? {y:i}What? What am I wearing? Erm...a brown jumper.|A pair of trousers I got off my dad. They didn't fit him.|He got them out the catalogue and didn't send them back, so I had them. Linda, my ex-wife,|she used to quite like me in these trousers. Yeah, she just pissed off one day. Never rung me or anything. I've heard she's been done|for shoplifting, which... Hello? Hello? Have you finished, Tolly?|You're putting me off my breakfast. Excuse me, mate. How much are your plastic twats? - Fifty quid.|- Right. What do you use to erm...|What do you put inside it? Your cock. No, I meant to make it all slippery. Do you put, like,|margarine in it or something? There's tubes of KY Jelly.|Next to the vibrators. Yeah, but it doesn't taste|of anything, does it? You're not supposed to eat it, mate. No, no. Obviously. {y:i}But is there anything else? Is there anything that's got a more...|proper fanny flavour? Yeah. A proper fanny. {y:i}ANSWERPHONE: Leave your message now|{y:i}( Beep) {y:i}All right guys. My name's Nigel Tolly My mates call me Tolly. I'm average, 26, divorced. I look er...OK. Normal. I haven't got a moustache, anything like that. I like takeaway meals, renting videos|and I used to have a motorbike. Sold it to a mate of mine. He didn't look after it. Still, that's another story. I have my own...apartment. {y:i}With future fridge et cetera {y:i}Gas central heating. I'm really looking for a girl|who enjoys dirty sex acts. Any size, any age, any colour. No sex-change people.|I must specify that. And I like putting jam on people.|I've got to get that across. Is's very important. So please send photos to my box number or leave a message if you want|strawberry jam put on your areas. I will, of course,|buy you a drink and a meal. That's about it, girls.|Get dialling now. OK. Three women at once. And I bet he's got a few cans of beer|in that fridge for later on. My cousin's been killed in a car crash. - Has he?|- Yeah. Nice bloke, he was.|He lent us £500 the other week. I won't have to pay that back now, will l? No, if somebody dies,|it's their fault, in't it? Yeah.|Shame for his wife and kid, and that, but for me personally...it's worked out all right. {y:i}DAVE:|{y:i}Here we are look. - Nice.|- All right, girls? Fuck off! THE SPECIALS: A Message To You, Rudy Oh, come on, Ferris.|Just get it over with. Tell him his dad's dead or|I'm going to be late. I can't do it, Dave. All right. Leave it to me. I'm pretty good at this sort of thing. Stop your messing around Better think of your future... Do you know your dad used to be alive? Well, he's not any more. Creating problems in town... Rudy... Where's Mummy? Good point. Where's his mum? She's in a coma. A message to you... Do you want an ice cream? Come on, then. VERDI: Brindisi from La Traviata {y:i}Dear Ruth you cowbag {y:i}I know you are enjoying this situation. {y:i}Messing me about and getting|{y:i}all this attention. {y:i}I noticed you've now changed|{y:i}all your telephone numbers {y:i}your mobile, your home number|{y:i}and your extension at work {y:i}as well as your email addresses|{y:i}and both fax numbers. {y:i}When they ask you why|{y:i}I can just imagine you saying. {y:i}"There's this man who's obsessively|{y:i}in love with me you know how it is." {y:i}I bet you let everyone know about me|{y:i}because it makes you look really good {y:i}in demand Wanted by me! {y:i}Well you'd better make the most of it. {y:i}You've got the kind of face|{y:i}that isn't going to age very well. {y:i}Fat cheeks and piggy eyes {y:i}in a couple of years you'll|{y:i}be ringing me up. {y:i}You'll be desperate and I'll say|{y:i}"You had your chance darling but you blew it. {y:i}Now go away and be ugly and fat. {y:i}And honey" {y:i}You'll keep this letter in a box as a souvenir|{y:i}of the times when you could attract me! {y:i}You know this is true. {y:i}And that new boyfriend of yours|{y:i}I know for a fact he's seeing somebody else. {y:i}All the best Jeremy. RUTH: Just sniffs. Sniffs the grass. In a minute,|he'll see something he wants to play with. Come on, baby. Yeah. - (Laughs)|- Yeah. (Dog bark s) Oi! Fuck off! Fuck off! (Dog bark s) RUTH: Bobby! BOYFRIEND: Bobby! Bobby! Bobby! (Evil chuckle) OK. I'm going to chop|your fucking head off, mister. Send you back in a fucking carrier bag.|See how she likes that. Don't move. There. How do you like this situation, then, eh? You scared? You fucking scared? Are you? Right. This was a really stupid thing to do. SUPER PREACHERS: I Feel Happy All right. Put your hands up if you're going to shag|two women this afternoon. {y:i}FERRIS:|{y:i}Are you? Just got a message from Poppy.|Can't believe it. I'm having a threesome today. Can I come? {y:i}- No|{y:i}- Wouldn't be a threesome then. No, but... - Congratulations, mate.|- Cheers. - Yeah, nice one, Dave.|- Cheers, Tol. I can't believe it. A threesome! {y:i}FERRIS:|{y:i}You deserve it mate. Yeah, I do, don't I? {y:i}DAVE: They want to sort|{y:i}the parking out round here. Is's hopeless.|You should have permit parking or something. Go in there with Kevin.|I'll only be a minute. Right. Kevin? Who's Kevin? Is's a threesome, Dave.|You need three people. Yeah, but I thought it would be me|and two women. Yeah, I bet you did. - All right, mate?|- All right. Where did you park? Actually, I... I got the bus. My car's off the road at the minute.|I had er...a bump. I've been driving round for ages. - I haven't kept you waiting, have I?|- No. I got here early. You know,|I like to soak up the atmosphere. (Dogs bark outside) Turn off the mobile. Yeah. How do they work, these things? I wouldn't want to hazard a guess. Is's like space age. Is's all them aerials. You see 'em on|the motorway. Is's like a network. Like the radio. Yeah, but the radio - how does that work? {y:i}How does music travel through the air then get into the radio|and come back out again? I-I-I'd imagine it's the same system|as the phones. Could be, yeah. I saw that Adrian Chiles in the pub|and I asked him about it. He didn't have a clue,|and he's on the BBC. Lives near Redditch. Lovely house. He's quite a nice bloke, actually. Told us that he's loaded, like. He said he doesn't get out of bed|for less than two grand. He just stays in bed if no-one pays him? Yeah. Think so. His pyjamas must stink. Actually, there was a funny smell in that pub. (Bed thuds) I reckon this bed's seen a bit of action. All the joints are loose. You need an Allen key. Tighten 'em up, and it'll be right as rain. {y:i}POPPY:|{y:i}Hello boys! You haven't got an Allen key, have you? I've got vibrators, dildos, handcuffs... Is's just...we really need an Allen key. What for? - Well...|- Dave! Don't worry about it. Let's... {y:i}DAVE:|{y:i}Right yeah! - No problem.|- Fancy a spit roast? Yeah! I do. I've only had a sandwich for my dinner. Everybody was kung fu fighting Those cats were fast as lightning In fact, it was a little bit frightening But they fought with expert timing There were funky Chinamen From funky Chinatown They were chopping them up They were chopping them down Is's an ancient Chinese art And everybody knew their part From a feint into a slip And a kicking from the hip Everybody was kung fu fighting... I like cauliflower and I like cheese... ..but I don't like cauliflower cheese. Same with me. I like apples and I like toffee|but I don't like toffee apples. But then...I don't like actual tomatoes, but I love tomato sauce. Is's just weird. Are you two going to shut up, or what? Sorry, love. - Is's Dave.|- Cheers, mate. I don't care who it is,|just shut up and concentrate. I'm doing all the work here. Let's just get it finished. I can't "finish" just like that.|I need some stimulation. Come on, Dave. Let's step it up a gear. Have you got any porn mags? Just put some elbow grease into it. (Bed creak s) {y:i}DAVE:|{y:i}Aye! There you go! (Dogs bark in distance) {y:i}JOAN: Ferris is that you?|{y:i}- Yeah. Come here a minute. Erm... {y:i}Look at this - What?|- I want to show you something. - What is it?|- I won't bite you! I got my photos back. Oh. Oh, right. What do you think of that? What is it, the moon?|Look s like the surface of the moon. How can it be the moon?|I haven't been to the moon, have l? - I don't know.|- Is's my arse. - Oh, right.|- I got one of them throwaway cameras. Here y'are. Guess what that is. - Oh, Jesus.|- Might get that one enlarged. Listen, Joan, I've got to... Don't you want to take your trousers down? - No.|- Why not? Is's cold. I'll put the fire on. There's a hell|of a draught coming from this door. {y:i}I've got a new bra. Look, Joan, the thing is,|I-I like living here and everything, it's just that I don't want to... {y:i}That is a nice bra. Shall we strangle the hamster? All right. Just once more, then. SUPER PREACHERS: I Feel Happy A-ha-ha|Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah A-ha-ha|Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I don't know if we can get higher But tell me why you're dressed in black Life is short and full of flowers If you know you'll reach the sky I feel happy Yeah, yeah, yeah I feel happy Yeah, yeah, yeah - All right, mate?|- All right. (Laughs) What happened here? - Crazy paving.|- This ain't crazy paving, Ferris. This is just shit. I was trying to...you know. You haven't got, like, any artistic|vision here, have you? Is's just a random fucking big mess. Is's crazy paving.|You just bung slabs down on the floor. No. I think you've focused too much|on the crazy aspect and not enough on the paving side of it. Have you come round|to have a go at my crazy paving? - No, but...|- What do you want, then? Nothing. You're standing on my string. What type of concrete are you using?|Cos you know there's different types. You're getting on my nerves. I'm just saying,|there's different types of concrete! Use the wrong one and...you're fucked! Is's just ordinary concrete. Tolly is driving me round the twist. He never stops wanking.|I just had to get out of there. You want to try living here, with Joan. 24 hours a day,|it's either blow jobs or crazy paving. Look at us.|Half eleven on a Saturday morning. It isn't right. We're youg blokes. We shouldn't be stood here like this.|We should be living lives to the full. We should be down the pub. Threesomes are a great innovation,|no question of that. Is's the other bloke being there that,|you know... I'd rather it were me and two women,|but that's more difficult to organise. Yeah, women get a bit narked|when you try and involve another bird. They take umbrage. I don't want to sound like|a complete poof, but... I used to like talking to my wife. Did you? I know it's weird, but her little face chatting away|and then you say something. You know, like...|pretending that you're listening. Is's nice when a woman looks|at you like that, you know. Appreciative. That's what I'm going to miss. Are you all right, mate? Yeah, yeah. I'm just at that stage|in my life where I just feel, you know... really...hungry. {y:i}OPERATOR:|{y:i}Please enter your four-digit number. {y:i}Welcome to the Sexy Singles call exchange. {y:i}Your personal fun box is empty. {y:i}TOLLY:|{y:i}I want one of them golden showers. {y:i}I want you to like piss on me, {y:i}then I want to do a 69 but first I want to put some of this strawberry jam|on your twat so I can lick it off. Then I want another girl with a strap-on dildo|shaggin' me up the arse while you're doing yourself with a vibrator and then you both toss me off.|How much will that be? Well, let's see. {y:i}Where's my price list? {y:i}Customer providing own jam ..double toss off... plus VAT... Let's call it 200. £200? {y:i}- That's cheap|{y:i}- Bloody hell. How much did you want to spend? What do you get for 20 quid? I'll show you my tits. That's 20 quid?|I can get 13 pints of beer for 20 quid. - Go on, then.|- All right, then, I will. And I'll toss myself off, for free.|Thank you very much. Don't forget your jam. Oh, yeah. Thank s, love. Can I see your arse for a fiver? - No.|- All right. Ta-ra, then, love. Ta-ra a bit. You coming for a pint? Can't, mate.|I'm going down the hospital. I'm taking Matthew to see his mum. - The one in the coma with the big tits?|- Yep, that's her. I bet there's some cracking nurses there. There is, mate. That's why I'm going. You know what nurses are like. Buy 'em a drink and some chips|and they'll do anything. She's much thinner than before. I don't think they eat much in a coma. They don't eat anything, do they? I thought it was, like,|astronaut food down a pipe. Yeah, that's it. That's it, I think. - You reckon they're quite big?|- Oh, yeah. DAVE: Not bad.|TOLLY: Nice. I need the toilet. What do you want? Number 1 or number 2? Number 3. Come on, Matthew. I'll take him to get some sweets. All right, mate. (Clink of crockery ) - All right, love?|- Yeah, thanks. You? You remember Ferris, don't you, Mum? - Who?|- Ferris. Julie's husband. The wedding. Hello, Rose. How are you doing? (Horn beeps)|- Your taxi's here, Mum. Ferris. Oh, yes. Ferris. Got everything?|Have you got your stick? Joan says you've got a big cock. {y:i}- Mum!|{y:i}- What? Show it to her, Ferris. - What?|- Show her your thing. No! Ferris! She doesn't get out much,|she's practically bedridden. Oh, come on, Ferris. - Joan!|- Don't be such a spoilsport, Ferris. You've had a lot of generosity from|this family, living here rent-free. I don't ask for much in return. Well, hurry up. Wow! I told you. When it's stiff it's like a rolling pin. - Can I touch it?|- Yeah, go on, have a feel. Ohhh! If I was 50 years youger... - Put it in your mouth.|- Joan! I can't get down there with my back. Stand on a chair, Ferris. I'm not standing on a chair. {y:i}MAN: Taxi for Rose {y:i}(Zips up )|{y:i}JOAN: Just coming love. {y:i}ROSE: Has he gone to get a chair?|{y:i}- No he's. Let's get you home.|They'll be wondering where you've got to. {y:i}ROSE:|{y:i}It's shepherd's pie tonight. {y:i}JOAN:|{y:i}Ooh lucky you! You can't stay here long. No, I know.|Is's only for a couple of nights. I was thinking of buying my own place, but if I just move them jars of gherkins|out the way, I could sleep on that shelf. {y:i}Well, if I'm going to do you a favour, there might be a favour you can do for me. All right, then, yeah. No problem. Mop that floor, you bitch. I feel like a right cunt doing this. Keep going. Keep going! DEXY'S MIDNIGHT RUNNERS:|One Way Love (Girl grunts) That's pretty clean now. Go and find Oh! The kind of girl Who think s you're the only Guy in the world No more half kisses That's bad enough No more teardrops No more one-way love One-way love Is's harder for someone Who likes to love fast You know that kind of love Will never last If she's fast and furious That can be rough You'll never have one-way love One-way love... MICHAEL HOLLIDAY: Starry-eyed Why am I so starry-eyed? Do us your trick, Bobby. Go on. (Laughs) Clever boy. Go on, do us another one. {y:i}( Laughs) Where'd you learn to do that? {y:i}I love you Bobby|{y:i}You're just such a smashing little dog. I'm sorry I tried to kill you. I wouldn't do it now. I just really want to...you know, go to the park|with you and spend all my time with you. I love you, Bobby. You're just a fantastic little dog, aren't you?|Bobby? Bobby! Bobby, come back. Bobby, where are you going? Bobby! {y:i}When we touch I hear angels sing|{y:i}Starry-eyed When we kiss I hear wedding bells ring... This is Bobby. Say hello. All right, mate? - You know what you get from a dog?|- Dog shit. Unconditional love. Is it yours? Actually, it's Ruth's. She's away. She's in...Switzerland. So I'm looking after little Bobby. Well, don't, you know, while she's away. Don't start shagging it, cos she'll find out. They always find out. I know why I'm starry-eyed Starry-eyed and mystified All my dreams are coming true Just because I'm so in love with you Oh, hello! What's his name? Er, Bobby. Like Bobby Dazzler. Aw. Say hello, Bobby. Say hello to erm... I'm Shelley. This is Crystal. Hello, Crystal. (Dogs pant and whine)|- Don't do that, Crystal. - Bobby, stop it!|- Crystal, stop it! Bobby, stop it! I lived in...Africa for a while. Out there you soon learn to respect|wild animals, you know. Lions, tigers, hippos. Whereabouts in Africa were you? The er...safari district. Right. Yeah. I'd love to go on a safari. It was Kenya, where I was. You'd love it there.|Is's like solid jungle, you know. You open your curtains in the morning|and there's giraffes everywhere. I love animals. So do I. They're great. {y:i}RUTH:|{y:i}Bobby! {y:i}SHELLEY: Are you a Capricorn?|{y:i}RUTH: Bobby! RUTH: Bobby!|- What is it? Shit. Sorry, what... what is it? RUTH: Jeremy!|BOYFRIEND: Oi! You! - Be nice to go out for a drink or something.|- Yes. - Nice to meet you. Bye.|- Bye. - That man stole my dog.|- Did he? (Bottles clank) (Heavy grunting) FERRIS: What are you doing? - Is's the gherkin man.|- What's this all about? Take no notice of him,|he's just the potato man. What's he doing up there? Trying to get some sleep,|so just deliver your gherkins and piss off. Don't tell me to piss off or I'll come up|and smack your face in for you. - You don't have to get all...|- Forget him, he's just a prat. I'm not taking any lip from a potato man. {y:i}GIRL:|{y:i}I know it's OK You signed for them gherkins, love? {y:i}Hang on a minute.|{y:i}That's my shelf! Oi! Potato man! You been messing about with my gherkins? No. This is... this is the vinegar shelf. I don't think so. They're just shelves.|Can everybody just leave it? Listen, potato boy, you keep your|hands off my gherkins, all right? - See you in a fortnight, love.|- Yeah. OK. What's all that about? Look what you've done now.|You've upset the gherkin man. Do you know what?|This is all bollocks. You treat this place like an hotel. Is's about time you realised, Ferris,|this is a chip shop, and don't you forget it. - Well, if that's how you want it, then...|(Door slams) SUPER PREACHERS: I Feel Happy I got flowers, I got chocolates for a special girl. - What are you after?|- Nothing. I thought we could go for a walk. I haven't really had time to|talk to you that much. So that's your game, is it?|Talking. I thought it'd be nice|- just me and you. Have a nice...conversation.|Go for a quick walk round the park. I hardly know you. I'm not going to go|walking round the park with you. All right, then, forget it. I'm having a few people round next week|for group sex, if you're interested. No, I... I think I'm busy that day. What day is it? Tuesday. No, I... I don't think so, you know. Please yourself. Right, well, I'd...better make a move. - Yeah, see you.|- Yeah. {y:i}DAVE:|{y:i}I've always fancied you. - Have you?|- Yeah. You've got your own house, haven't you? Yes. How many bedrooms you got? Three. Why? I bet it's...nice and clean,|isn't it? I've only got half an hour, you know! Right. OK. Well... I thought, you know,|we'd...start with some penis work. Like what? How does a blow job sound? I don't do that. Course you do. No, I don't like it. But it's great.|Is's...standard procedure. {y:i}Would you do it? Yes, I would.|If it'd make the other person happy. Well, not me. What if I put strawberry jam on it? You're only a potato man.|I won't do anything weird. What do you mean, only a potato man? You've really spoilt the atmosphere now. You smell of chips|but I weren't going to say anything. You're a stupid idiot. Your hair smells of pickled onions. Well, you've got a horrible face. I'm not going to get anything|out of you, am I? Not now, no. I'm sorry, love. Look...I'll settle for a hand job. You'll be lucky. - Well, how about some free chips?|- Piss off, Dave. So what do you reckon my chances are|with whatsit? I wouldn't get your hopes up, Dave. She's only been out the coma|a couple of week s. She'll still be pissed off about|her husband being dead and that. So you're saying play it cool,|sort of thing. Yeah, I can do that. Is's lovely and clean, innit? - Is's a nice house you've got here, Helen.|- Thanks. Steve was pretty good|with the decorating. That was one of his things. I'm sorry for you about|what happened to him. A motorway pile-up, it's terrible. I heard it was a really|nice car an' all. What was it, a Renault? Thought we'd just come round,|see how you are. {y:i}If there's anything we can do. Well, thanks for the potatoes. {y:i}DAVE: There's plenty more|{y:i}where they come from. We'll see you all right.|Don't you worry. Oh, and that £500 you owe us, Ferris, {y:i}I could really do with it right now! If you've got it, that is. Course, yeah. It must be really difficult|for you right now. But no use crying over spilt milk,|is there? You've got to...|You need a man about the place. Yeah, well, Phil's been very good to me|the past few weeks. Phil? Phil who? All right, lads? {y:i}DAVE: What are you doing here?|{y:i}- I live here. Since when? Phil delivers biscuits to the hospital.|That's how we met. Fancy a biscuit, Dave? Ferris? No. So, how's life been treating the potato men? - Look out, Phil, there's a wasp!|- Where? Ferris, the gherkin man means nothing to me. I was just trying to make you jealous. Seeing you with that other girl made me realise|you're not a bad bloke. Well, I didn't even know her name, to be honest.|That was just a... I can see us making a go of it. Not just shagging in this crappy old storeroom|all the time. I'm talking about something more. Like what? We could do it lying down. On a bed. I like the sound of that. My husband's away for a few days. Why don't you come back to the house tonight?|We've got a big double bed, fluffy carpets. If you bring some cans of beer,|I'll bring some leftover pies and we'll make a night of it. Ace. (Girl grunts) This is better than|that stinky old stockroom, innit? Yeah, it's all right. When's your husband back? Oh, not for ages. Monday, I think.|Is's a long drive from Poland. - What's he doing there?|- Smuggling. - Smuggling?|- Yeah, smuggling...motorbikes. Is he? I'm thinking of buying a moped. MAN: Shit! Fucking hell! - I thought he was in Poland.|- Erm... Listen, Ferris. You breathe one word of this to anybody,|you're dead. Right? OK. I'll...|I'll just get dressed and go and... You ain't going anywhere.|You finish what you started. - How do you mean?|- Come on. Get on with it. Shag my wife, Ferris,|or you're in big trouble. Don't make me come out there, Ferris!|I'm warning you! I hope my husband doesn't catch us. - This is out of order.|- Shut up, Ferris. {y:i}- You said he was in Poland|{y:i}(Grunting in wardrobe) He's in the fucking wardrobe. If he finds out,|he's going to punish me real bad. You and me are finished,|I'm telling you. Oh, use me. Use me! Like the slutty wife I am. (Husband grunts) That should fucking do it. - Am I being held prisoner?|- No! Well... A little bit. But it's just a game. - Is it?|- (Husband slams fist) Look! Any more shit from you, sunshine, and I'll drown|you in the bath like I did that sackful of kittens. {y:i}That really turned me on. What? Is's a game. You're not going to drown me, are you? I'll punch you in the fucking face|if you don't shut it. I thought you liked having sex with me. Not like this. This is... {y:i}GIRL:|{y:i}This is how I like it. Next time, we'll do whatever you want.|I'll do anything you want. - Think of something.|(Power tools whir) There is one or two things I|wouldn't mind trying. I've got some right stuff in store for you|over the next few week s, Ferris. Oh, yes. Some really fucked-up shit. Get him down in the basement. Come on. (Grunts and laughs) - What do you keep in the basement?|- Come on. - Have you got a pool table?|- (Husband laughs) (Girl grunts) If I can't see you, you can't see me. If my husband walk s in here now|and catches us, we're dead. If the rope breaks, we're dead. HUSBAND: Oh! Who wants salt and vinegar? Oh, God. No. Ahhhh! FERRIS: Fu...|(Splash) I had to park bloody miles away. And they've dug up Old Ford Road again. Got the Allen key, by the way. (Chatter) No wonder I couldn't get parked. (Poppy moans) (Men pant heavily ) We could do with a couple more girls|in here, couldn't we? Yeah. Where did you park, then? Right outside. Got here early. Is that your Ford Galaxy out there,|the blue one? - Yeah.|- What's it like? All right? Is's a decent motor. Feels safe,|know what I mean? For the kids, and that. (Poppy's moaning intensifies) - Is there any more beer left?|- No. Is's all gone. - There's wine.|- Wine? Who drink s fucking wine? How much longer you going to be, mate?|There's people queuing up here. What number you got? 5. Well, you're all right. 11. Is's typical. What have we come here for? This is where I met Vicky.|Is's a good night in here on a Saturday. FERRIS: But it's only quarter past one. DAVE: Is's like a trip down|memory lane for me. Or it would be if I could remember|anything about it. I'd had a few that night. Never going to pick up any birds|in here, mate. It'll be all right. We'll have a couple of pints|and then...it will pick up a bit later. Backing track to Come On, Eileen Come on, Eileen! These people round here Wear beaten-down eyes... ..resigned to what their fate is My mother cried! {y:i}No never. We are far too youg and clever|Much too youg and clever Come on, Eileen Too-ra loo-ra, too-ra loo rye aye Come on, Eileen Come on, Eileen I swear now, Eileen At this moment|Dirty! You mean everything|Everything Pretty white dress Oh, you're verging on...dress Oh, you're dirty! Oh, come on, Eileen {y:i}That pretty red dress. {y:i}Oh, I swear...|{y:i}Tell me yes. Oh, you're dirty Oh, come on, Eileen...dirty {y:i}DAVE: You all right then?|{y:i}VICKY: Yeah The washing machine,|there's still water coming out of it. Probably a...leak... of some kind. How have you been? Great. Everything's great. You know, things are really starting to... {y:i}They're continuing to be great {y:i}So er You all right, then? Yeah. You all right? Yeah. Great. Everything's...great. You know, if you want me back,|I can move in straightaway. Let's just leave things as they are. Whatever it is you want me to do,|I'll do it. At Tolly's there's never anything to eat. {y:i}He's dirty I want to come home. I don't want to live with Tolly.|I want to live with you and Katie. Well, you can't. Why not? Is's not as simple as that. You know the person I feel|sorry for in all this... is me. Hello. Whatever that woman told you|about me, it's not true. You stole her dog. (Laughs nervously ) That boyfriend of hers,|he's not right in the head. I never stole any dog. That's...no... Actually, yes, I did steal the dog, but...you...can't know|what I went through with all that. I've got my own dog now. She messed me about rotten.|I was just trying to get my own back. I know what you're thinking, but... you don't know what I've been through|with that woman. {y:i}- Come on, Spike.|{y:i}- No I...I do I do know what you've been through.|I know exactly how you feel. Do you? How do you mean? {y:i}SHELLEY: He'd been seeing her for five weeks.|{y:i}I didn't ever twig. I just thought, "That's not right." Then I found out he was taking her|to Paris for the weekend. (Sighs) I still had the keys to his house so... I went round there... {y:i}I went into the kitchen and|{y:i}I'd got some of {y:i}Crystal's you know dog mess|{y:i}that I'd collected in the park. {y:i}And before that I'd collected quite|{y:i}a lot from other dogs. {y:i}I put some in the bienden {y:i}added some water and erm. (Whirs) {y:i}Colli had this high-powered waterpistol. {y:i}And I knew it was a mad thing to do but {y:i}after the way he treated me|{y:i}I just didn't care. {y:i}I just thought "Fuck him." I did every room in the house. That was a year ago.|You can still smell it. Yeah, well, nothing smells quite like|a house full of dog shit. With erm... With Ruth... {y:i}I told her I was a dentist. {y:i}Kept it up for months. {y:i}She thought it was great. {y:i}I told her I had my own|{y:i}dental practice. {y:i}And her mam and dad|{y:i}were pretty impressed as well. {y:i}But when she found out I worked in the|{y:i}potato distributior business which is what I do {y:i}she went spane. {y:i}Called me a liar|{y:i}which is fair enough I suppose, {y:i}A few days later she rang me up|{y:i}but that was that. {y:i}I tried to talk to her but|{y:i}she wasn't having any of it. I don't care any more anyway. I'm a potato man. That's what I do. Doesn't make me a bad person. Would you like to see my horse? (Grunting and groaning) Phew! - Well, well!|(Horse neighs) {y:i}OPERATOR:|{y:i}Your fun box has one new message. {y:i}WOMAN:|{y:i}Hiya Tolly my name's Gloria. {y:i}I really like your message.|{y:i}You sound like you're up for a laugh. Fucking yes! Yes! (Rings bell) This is very nice, Gloria,|thanks for this. Good idea, get to know each other.|I haven't been to a party for ages. - How come?|- Dunno. Don't get invited to any. Gloria, hello! Come on in,|nice to see you! Told you I'd make it! - Nice to see you.|- All right, mate. Been swimming? - Eh?|- Don't matter. - Is this what I think it is?|- Depends. What do you think it is? Is's obviously some sort of towel party. Is's a sex party. Fucking hell! Honestly? Hey, I've heard about these.|Is's like, anything goes. Is's like a big orgy. Brilliant! What a sight Is's got a certain style Hits the spot Hits it right Take your chance Don't miss out, it's so near Grab it, now's the time, cos it's here Plat du jour Served right up for you One tasty dish Is's a cure Keep on track And now it's right on stream lt'll keep you Ahead of the pack Don't miss out {y:i}GLORIA:|{y:i}How was that then? Was that what you wanted? Yeah, it was great, yeah. Thanks. You don't sound very happy about it. No, I'm just, you know. - Do you want to do it some more?|- No, that was... That was it. I could do with a cup of tea,|actually. All this jam. Sleeping here now, are you? {y:i}FERRIS:|{y:i}Yeah That chip shop -|I got my fingers burnt there, mate. - Did you?|- Yeah. Look. Trying to get a pound coin|out the fat-fryer. - Bet it hurt.|- Did. And I nearly got beat|up by big fat Gordon. I've warned you about him. He catch you with his missus, did he? Yeah, something like that. You want to keep a low profile. I'm gonna. Anyway, have a look at this. (Beeps horn) - What do you reckon?|- Oh, magic. Funky moped. I see what's going on here. You've had enough of women for|t'time being and it's going to|be you and the moped for a bit, so you're... you're expressing yourself|in a different way. No, mate. This is a fanny magnet. I'm gonna be knee-deep in pussy|with this thing. {y:i}- What did it cost you?|{y:i}- Nothing. I borrowed it off a mate of mine. I'm thinking of buying it, though. You reckon I should get one? (Starts engine)|- Is's up to you. Give us a go, then. - That's the accelerator.|- Yeah, I know. - Is's nice, innit?|- Yeah. Oh, fuck! Dave! Dave! Fuck! DEXY'S MIDNIGHT RUNNERS:|There, There, My Dear Just say a situation occurred|that was out of your hands. You know, human error. Police horse sat on it. That'll do. He's 24. He'll understand. You should pay for the repairs. Here he comes. Just act normal. - All right, Ferris?|- All right, Beans. So what do you think, then?|You buying my moped? Erm... What do you think, Dave? I'm going for a piss. Is's hardly done any miles.|Is's a bargain. Yeah. All right, then, I'll have it. Nice one, Ferris.|I'll see you later on in the week. I've got to get off, I'm with Debs. - Yeah, I'll settle up with you when I see you.|- Sorted. Piss off, Dave. Leaving me to sort it out. I want a word with you. Outside. She's in the back seat. You want me to give her one? Yeah. Where are you going to be? Never you mind. What you waiting for? Want some of this?|Eh? Get in there. Come on! I'm going to have flat beer because of you. If my husband finds out about us...|in the back of his car doing it doggy-style, he'll put me across his knee. FERRIS: This is the last time|I'm doing this. GlRL: Use me. Use me. {y:i}- You're using me.|{y:i}- Shut up, Ferris, you tart. Just think of my big fat husband. And what he'll do to me if he finds out. My big...fat...husband. Right. That's it. I've had enough of this. Ferris? - Ferris!|(Grunting from car boot) Dave. {y:i}Come here! What do you think you're doing? Tell him, Dave.|Tell him to leave me alone. This ain't nowt to do wi' me, Ferris. Get back in the car, you. Dave, I'm asking you to help me. - What are you doing, Gordon?|- None of your business. Dave! What? I don't even know what's going on! {y:i}- Keep your mouth shut, Ferris.|{y:i}- No Gordon! I don't care if you beat me up,|I'm not doing this any more. - We'll see about that.|- No. If I carry on doing this,|stuff like this, it's going to put me off sex for life,|and that's not going to happen. OK? My sex life...is all I've got. - I'm not doing it, Gordon.|- Yeah, you tell him, Ferris. And if you've got a problem with that,|me and Dave are going to beat you up,|aren't we, Dave? Dave? Yeah, that's right.|D-Don't mess with the potato men. You're a pair of fucking idiots! Yeah, well, you're locked in|the boot of your car. You'd better let him out or he'll go mad. Yeah, I suppose so. You dickhead! I opened the boot|to show there's no hard feelings! Why don't you both just fuck off? All right, we will! Come on, Dave. Gordon's bottle went, didn't it? It was when you said,|"Don't mess with the potato men." Yeah, I wish I hadn't said that now.|Sounds stupid. You're going to have to get|that moped repaired. - Yeah, I'll pay for it.|- Good. I'm still thinking of buying it. {y:i}Fuck it, I am going to buy it.|{y:i}I'm buying a moped. - Is's got a big dent in it.|- Don't care. I'm buying a moped. Joan? What's going on? - Not you again?|- What do you want, Ferris? Nothing. I thought you might like|to see my moped. He's got a massive cock. (Chatter) (Chink s glass) {y:i}Thank you Er. Thank you. Thank s. Erm... I just want to say thank s for coming|at short notice to this occasion to celebrate that|me and Shelley have got engaged. (Half-hearted cheer) Erm... Is's been a whirlwind romance. We're both madly in love. Shelley's what I've been looking|for all my life. And she's got|what she's always been looking for - a potato man. (Tolly cheers) Seriously... Er...thank s. Erm... Here's to me and Shelley. ALL: Cheers. There's plenty of crisps and nuts|if you er...want to er... (Guests chatter animatedly ) A bit of all right, that Shelley,|isn't she? She keeps looking over here. I think she fancies me. Don't be stupid. Why can't I find a nice sensible|girl like that? Yeah, I know. Is's not fair, is it? I'm moving my stuff into Tolly's tonight. Yeah, you'll like it.|He's er... He's got a nice place. Is's good timing for me,|you moving out and that. I needed to move on. Start a new chapter. Make a fresh start. - Sleeping in the van?|- Yeah. Be all right. Is's only for a couple of nights, though,|cos I think I've found somewhere new. Is's temporary,|but it's better than the van. Where's that, then? Where? {y:i}Bluey-green's always been|{y:i}my favourite colour. Is's very er... Is's very nice, Joan. And it's see-through. Yeah, that reminds me,|I'm going to have to trim that hedge. Ready for another one? Not really. I've really got to have a decent break|between each one or I'll injure myself. I'll do a bit of crazy paving for an hour. Sod, the crazy paving, I've got needs! Joan, honestly, I'm drained. I need to get some fresh air. What about a quick shower? {y:i}No thanks! Hello, chicken! What are you doing? Is's so you don't have to walk on t'grass.|Is's called crazy paving. Is's funny-looking. {y:i}DAVE:|{y:i}It's nice! Ferris told me you were here. {y:i}He came rourd to see me He's worried about you. {y:i}- Is he?|{y:i}- Yeah And he hates living at Tolly's place. All them horrible smells...and rats. He's got rats. Could do with a bit of a clean-up,|that place. If you come back,|I'm not standing for any nonsense. I know. You're a dad.|And that's what you've got to be. Yeah, th-that's what I want to do. And you've got to help me. I will, I swear. Come on, Katie. We've got to go. You coming? SUPER PREACHERS: Hands Up Hands up! Hands up! I was about 13, I think. Late starter. 12. I was 12. What about you, Tolly?|When did you have your first wank? Oh, er... Half past seven. Then another one about...quarter to nine. Here's your film back, mate. - What's that? Lord Of The Rings?|- No, Spunk Guzzlers Drenched In Piss. Cheers. {y:i}FERRIS: Porn. You can't beat it. They spend millions making normal films|with special effects and that. I reckon 99% of people would rather watch|hardcore porn than any other type of film. I think you're right. If you were on a|desert island and could only have one film, you're not going to want|Return Of The Fucking Jedi, are you? {y:i}You want one with a bird in it with a nice juicy fanny and|a big pair of tits. Is's common sense, isn't it? You know what I'd like? I'd like to be able to detach my knob,|take it right off, then I could get both ends|sucked at once. I'd like to get a giant panda,|kill it, then fuck it. Why do you want to do that? Dave, if you don't kill it,|it's going to bite you! They, like, maul you, pandas. I think it's all that black-and-white fur|and that great big arse. Has anyone seen my dog? DEXY'S MIDNIGHT RUNNERS:|Come On, Eileen Come on, Eileen Come on, Eileen Poor old Johnny Ray Sounded sad upon the radio Moved a million hearts in mono Our mothers cried And sang along, who'd blame them? {y:i}You're grown|{y:i}You're grown up {y:i}So grown|{y:i}So grown up Now I must say more than ever {y:i}Come or Eileen Toora loora, toora loo rye aye We can sing just like our fathers Come on, Eileen {y:i}Oh, I swear|{y:i}Well he means At this moment You mean everything With you in that dress My thoughts I confess Verge on dirty Oh, come on, Eileen Come on, Eileen These people round here Wear beaten-down eyes|sunk in smoke-dried faces So resigned to what their fate is {y:i}But not us|{y:i}No never. {y:i}No, not us|{y:i}No never. We are far too youg and clever {y:i}Remember Go, toora loora, toora loo rye aye Eileen, I'll hum this tune for ever Come on, Eileen {y:i}Oh, I swear|{y:i}Well he means Oh, come on, let's take off everything That pretty red dress {y:i}Eileen|{y:i}Tell him yes Oh, come on, let's Oh, come on, Eileen That pretty red dress {y:i}Eileen|{y:i}Tell him yes Oh, come on, let's Oh, come on, Eileen, please {y:i}Come or Eileen too loo rye aye {y:i}Come or Eileen too loo rye aye {y:i}Now you are grown|{y:i}Toora {y:i}Now you have shown|{y:i}Toora too loora Oh, Eileen {y:i}Said, you're grown|{y:i}Come or Eileen too loo rye aye {y:i}So grown|{y:i}Come or Eileen too loo rye aye {y:i}Now I must say more than ever|{y:i}Toora toora too loora Things round here will change {y:i}I said, toora loora|{y:i}Come on Eileen too loo rye aye {y:i}Toora loo rye aye|{y:i}Come or Eileen too loo rye aye {y:i}Toora toora too loora Come on, Eileen {y:i}Oh, I swear|{y:i}Well he means At this moment You mean everything With you in that dress My thoughts I confess Verge on dirty Oh, come on, Eileen Come on, Eileen |
SLC Punk SNL Best Of Eddie Murphy 1998 SWAT S Diary 2004 Saathiya CD1 Saathiya CD2 Saaya CD1 Saaya CD2 Safe Sahara (1943) Sahara (with Michael Palin) ep1 Sahara (with Michael Palin) ep2 Sahara (with Michael Palin) ep3 Sahara (with Michael Palin) ep4 Sahara (with Michael Palin) video diary bonus Sahara interview with Michael Palin Saint Clara Salaam Bombay CD1 Salaam Bombay CD2 Salaam Cinema 1995 Salems Lot 2004 CD1 Salems Lot 2004 CD2 Salesman - Albert and David Maysles (1969) Salo Or The 120 Days Of Sodom Salon Salton Sea The Salvador (1986) Salvatore Giuliano (Francesco Rosi 1961) CD1 Salvatore Giuliano (Francesco Rosi 1961) CD2 Samourai Le Samsara 1991 CD1 Samsara 1991 CD2 Samurai - Miyamoto Musashi - 03 - Duel at Ganryu Island Samurai 2 (1955) Samurai 3 - Duel At Ganryu Island 1956 Samurai Assassin 1965 Samurai Fiction Sanbiki No Samurai 1964 Sand Pebbles The CD1 Sand Pebbles The CD2 Sands of Iwo Jima Sanjuro (1962) Santa Claus 2 Sante Trap The Saragossa Manuscript The (1965) CD1 Saragossa Manuscript The (1965) CD2 Satans Brew 1976 Saturday Night Fever CD1 Saturday Night Fever CD2 Satyajit Ray - Apu Trilogy 2 Aparajito (1957) Saudade Saulabi Sauvage Innocence 2001 CD1 Sauvage Innocence 2001 CD2 Savage Innocents The 1959 Savage The (2003) Save The Green Planet (2003) CD1 Save The Green Planet (2003) CD2 Saved 2004 Saving Private Ryan CD1 Saving Private Ryan CD2 Saving Private Ryan CD3 Saving Silverman (R Rated Version) Saw 2004 Say It Isnt So 2001 Scalphunters The (1968) Scanners 1981 CD1 Scanners 1981 CD2 Scar The (1976) CD1 Scar The (1976) CD2 Scaramouche CD1 Scaramouche CD2 Scarecrow - (Kakashi) 25fps 2001 Scarface Scarlet Diva Scarlet Empress The (1934) Scarlet Empress The - Criterion Collection Scary Movie Scary Movie 2 Scene At The Sea A (Japanese) Scenes From A Marriage (1973) CD1 Scenes From A Marriage (1973) CD2 Scenes from a Marriage CD1 Scenes from a Marriage CD2 Scenes from a Marriage CD3 Scenes from a Marriage CD4 Scenes from a Marriage CD5 Scenes from a Marriage CD6 Schippers van de Kameleon CD1 Schippers van de Kameleon CD2 School Of Flesh The School of Rock Schpaaa Schussangst (2003) Science Fiction Scooby-Doo - A Gaggle of Galloping Ghosts Scooby-Doo - Thats Snow Ghost Scooby-Doo - The Headless Horseman of Halloween Scooby-Doo - Vampires Cats and Scaredy Cats Scooby-Doo - Which Witch is Which Scooby-Doo 2 Monsters Unleashed Scooby-Doo and the Legend of the Vampire Scooby Doo Project The Scorched Scorcher Score The Scorpio Scorpion King The Scream 3 CD1 Scream 3 CD2 Screwed Scrooged (1988) Seance Second Nature Secondhand Lion Seconds (1966) Secret Admirer Secret Agents 2004 Secret Agents Into the Heart of the CIA Secret Ballot 2001 Secret Lives of Dentist The Secret Tears Secret Window 2004 Secret life of Walter Mitty The (1947) Secret of My Success 1987 CD1 Secret of My Success 1987 CD2 Secret of the Ooze The Secret of the Sword Secretary (2002) Secrets of Women Seducing doctor Lewis See Spot Run See no Evil Hear no Evil Seinfeld Seinfeld Chronicles The Sense and Sensibility (1995) Sentinel The Seppuku (aka Harakiri) CD1 Seppuku (aka Harakiri) CD2 September Serpents Egg The Serpico Serving Sara Setup The (Robert Wise 1949) Seven (1995) CD1 Seven (1995) CD2 Seven Brides for Seven Brothers Seven Days in May (1963) Seven Samurai (1956) Seven Year Itch The Seven Years in Tibet CD1 Seven Years in Tibet CD2 Seventh Seal The - Criterion Collection Seventh Sign The Sex Is Comedy Sex Lies And Videotape CD1 Sex Lies And Videotape CD2 Sex and Lucia (Unrated Spanish Edition) Sex and Zen Sex and the City 3x13 - Escape From New York Sex and the City 3x14 - Sex And Another City Sex and the City 3x15 - Hot Child in the City Sex and the City 3x16 - Frenemies Sex and the City 3x17 - What Goes Around Comes Around Sex and the City 3x18 - Cock A Doodle Do Sex is zero Sex lives of the potato men Sexo Con Amor 2003 Sexy Beast Sexy Beast 2000 Seytan 1974 Shadow The Universal Shadow of a Doubt Shadow of the Vampire Shadows In Paradise Shadows and Fog Shaft 1971 Shakespeare In Love Shall We Dance Shallow Grave Shallow Hal Shampoo Shane CD1 Shane CD2 Shanghai Knights CD1 Shanghai Knights CD2 Shanghai Triad Shaolin Soccer UnCut (2001) CD1 Shaolin Soccer UnCut (2001) CD2 Shaolin Temple CD1 Shaolin Temple CD2 Shaolin Temple The 1979 Shape Of Things The Sharasojyu Shark Tale CD1 Shark Tale CD2 Sharp Guns (2001) Shaun of the Dead (2004) She Creature Shelter Island 2003 Sherlock Holmes - Hound of the Baskervilles Sherlock Holmes - The Eligible Bachelor Sherlock Holmes - The Last Vampyre Sherlock Holmes - The Master Blackmailer Sherlock Holmes - The Pearl Of Death 1944 Sherlock Holmes - The Sign of Four Sherlock Holmes 1x01 - A Scandal In Bohemia Sherlock Holmes 1x02 - The Dancing Men Sherlock Holmes 1x03 - The Naval Treaty Sherlock Holmes 1x04 - The Solitary Cyclist Sherlock Holmes 1x05 - The Crooked Man Sherlock Holmes 1x06 - The Speckled Band Sherlock Holmes 1x07 - The Blue Carbuncle Sherlock Holmes 1x08 - The Copper Beeches Sherlock Holmes 1x09 - The Greek Interpreter Sherlock Holmes 1x10 - The Norwood Builder Sherlock Holmes 1x11 - The Resident Patient Sherlock Holmes 1x12 - The Red Headed League Sherlock Holmes 1x13 - The Final Problem Sherlock Holmes And The House Of Fear 1945 Sherlock Holmes And The Spider Woman 1944 Sherlock Holmes And The Voice Of Terror 1942 Sherlock Holmes Faces Death 1943 Sherlock Holmes Returns Sherlock Holmes The Eligible Bachelor Sherlock Holmes The Scarlet Claw 1944 Sherlock Holmes in Washington 1943 Shes All That Shes So Lovely Shes out of control Shes the One Shield The 2x01 - The Quick Fix Shield The 2x02 - Dead Soldiers Shield The 2x03 - Partners Shield The 2x04 - Carte Blanche Shijushichinin No Shikaku (1994 aka 47 Ronin) Shiki-Jitsu (Hideaki Anno 2000) Shin Zatoichi monogatari (1963) Shine (1996) Shinjuku - Triad Society (Takashi Miike 1995) CD1 Shinjuku - Triad Society (Takashi Miike 1995) CD2 Shinning The Ship of Fools CD1 (Stanley Kramer 1965) Ship of Fools CD2 (Stanley Kramer 1965) Shiri Shiryour gari Shiver Of The Vampires The Shocking Asia CD1 Shocking Asia CD2 Shoeshine Shogun 1980 Part 1 Shogun 1980 Part 2 Shogun 1980 Part 3 Shogun 1980 Part 4 Shogun 1980 Part 5 and 6 Shogun 1980 Part 7 and 8 Shogun 1980 Part 9 and 10 Sholay Shop Around The Corner The 1940 Short Circuit 2 Short Cuts CD1 Short Cuts CD2 Short Film About Killing A (1988) Short Film About Love A (1988) Short Film About Love A 1988 Shot In The Dark A Show Me Love Show Time Shower Showtime Shredder (Greg Huson 2003) Shree 420 Shrek Shrek 2 Shriek if You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th Shuang tong (2002) Shutter (2004) Sib - The Apple Sibiriada CD1 Sibiriada CD2 Sibling Rivalry Siburay Bate Cafe Sicilian The 1987 CD1 Sicilian The 1987 CD2 Siege The (1998) Siegfried I Siegfried II Siegfried III Signs Silence of the Lambs The Silencers The (Phil Karlson 1966) Silent Trigger 1996 Silent Warnings Silk Stockings Silmido CD1 Silmido CD2 Silver City Silver Hawk Silver Streak 1976 Simon and Garfunkel - The Concert in Central Park Simon of the Desert Simone CD1 Simone CD2 Simpsons 01x01 - Simpsons Roasting Over An Open Fire Simpsons 01x02 - Bart The Genius Simpsons 01x03 - Homers Odyssey Simpsons 01x04 - Theres No Disgrace Like Home Simpsons 01x05 - Bart the General Simpsons 01x06 - Moaning Lisa Simpsons 01x07 - The Call of the Simpsons Simpsons 01x08 - The Telltale Head Simpsons 01x09 - Life on the Fast Lane Simpsons 01x10 - Homers Night Out Simpsons 01x11 - The Crepes Of Wrath Simpsons 01x12 - Krusty Gets Busted Simpsons 01x13 - Some Enchanted Evening Simpsons The Simpsons The 05x01 - Homers Barbershop Quartet Simpsons The 05x02 - Cape Feare Simpsons The 05x03 - Homer Goes To College Simpsons The 05x04 - Rosebud Simpsons The 05x05 - Tree House Of Horror Simpsons The 05x06 - Marge On The Lam Simpsons The 05x07 - Barts Inner Child Simpsons The 05x08 - Boy Scoutz N The Hood Simpsons The 05x09 - The Last-Temptation Of Homer Simpsons The 05x10 - $pringfield Simpsons The 05x11 - Homer The Vigilante Simpsons The 05x12 - Bart Gets Famous Simpsons The 05x13 - Homer And Apu Simpsons The 05x14 - Lisa Vs Malibu Stacy Simpsons The 05x15 - Deep Space Homer Simpsons The 05x16 - Homer Loves Flanders Simpsons The 05x17 - Bart Gets An Elephant Simpsons The 05x18 - Burns Heir Simpsons The 05x19 - Sweet Seymour Skinners Baadasssss Song Simpsons The 05x20 - The Boy Who Knew Too Much Simpsons The 05x21 - Lady Bouviers Lover Simpsons The 05x22 - Secrets Of A Successful Marriage Sin 2003 Sin noticias de Dios Sinbad - Legend Of The Seven Seas Since Otar Left 2003 Since You Went Away CD1 Since You Went Away CD2 Sinful Nuns of Saint Valentine Singin in the Rain Singing Detective The Singles (2003) CD1 Singles (2003) CD2 Sink The Bismarck Sinnui yauman Sinnui yauman II Sirens 1994 Sirocco 1951 Sissi 1955 Sister Act Sister Act 2 - Back in the Habit CD1 Sister Act 2 - Back in the Habit CD2 Six Days Seven Nights Six Degrees of Separation (1993) Six Feet Under Six String Samurai Six Strong Guys (2004) Sixteen Candles CD1 Sixteen Candles CD2 Sixth Sense The Skammen (Shame Bergman 1968) Skazka o tsare Saltane Skulls The Skulls The (Collectors Edition) Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow Slap Shot Slap Shot 2 Slaughterhouse Five Sleeper Sleeper 1973 Sleepers (1996) CD1 Sleepers (1996) CD2 Sleepless in Seattle Sleepover Sleepwalkers 1992 Sleepy Hollow 1999 Sleuth (Mankiewicz 1972) CD1 Sleuth (Mankiewicz 1972) CD2 Sliding Doors 1992 Sling Blade CD1 Sling Blade CD2 Small Change (FranÇois Truffaut 1976) Small Time Crooks 2000 Smell of Fear The Smokey and the Bandit Smoking Room Snake Of June A (2002) Snake Pit The Snatch Snatch - Special Edition Sneakers 1992 Sniper 2 Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs 1937 Snowboarder Snowfever (2004) So Close 2002 Soapdish Sobibor 14 Octobre 1943 Socrate Sol Goode Solaris (Solyaris) Solaris (Tarkovsky) CD1 Solaris (Tarkovsky) CD2 Solaris - Criterion Collection Solaris 2002 Solaris 2002 - Behind the Planet Solaris 2002 Inside Soldaat Van Oranje 1977 CD1 Soldaat Van Oranje 1977 CD2 Soldier CD1 Soldier CD2 Soldiers Story A (Norman Jewison 1984) Solomon and Sheba CD1 Solomon and Sheba CD2 Sombre 25fps 1998 Some Kind of Monster CD1 Some Kind of Monster CD2 Someone Special Something The Lord Made CD1 Something The Lord Made CD2 Somethings Gotta Give CD1 Somethings Gotta Give CD2 Son In Law Son The Sonatine Song of the South Sophies Choice Sorority boys Sorum Sose me Soul Guardians The (1998) CD1 Soul Guardians The (1998) CD2 Soul Keeper The (2003) Soul Plane Soul Survivors Sound of Music The South Park - Bigger Longer and Uncut South Park 01x01 - Cartman Gets An Anal Probe South Park 01x02 - Weight Gain 4000 South Park 01x03 - Volcano South Park 01x04 - Big Gay Als Big Gay Boatride South Park 01x05 - An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig South Park 01x06 - Death South Park 01x07 - Pinkeye South Park 01x08 - Jesus VS Satan South Park 01x09 - Starvin Marvin South Park 01x10 - Mr Hankey the Christmas Poo South Park 01x11 - Toms Rhinoplasty South Park 01x12 - Mecha Striesand South Park 01x13 - Cartmans Mom is a Dirty Slut Soylent Green 1973 Spacehunter 1983 Spanish Prisoner The CD1 Spanish Prisoner The CD2 Spark the Lighter Spartacus 2004 CD1 Spartacus 2004 CD2 Spartacus Fixed 1960 Spartan 2004 CD1 Spartan 2004 CD2 Spawn (1997) Spawn (Directors Cut) Species 3 CD1 Species 3 CD2 Speed 2 - Cruise Control Spellbound (Hitchcock 1945) Spetters 1980 Spider-Man CD1 Spider-Man CD2 Spider (2002) Spider Man 2 CD1 Spider Man 2 CD2 Spies Like Us 1985 Spirit of the Beehive Spirited Away CD1 Spirits of the Dead 1968 CD1 Spirits of the Dead 1968 CD2 Splash Spoilers The Spongebob Squarepants The Movie Springtime In A Small Town Spun (Unrated Version) Spy Game Spy Hard Spy Who Came In from the Cold The Spy Who Loved Me The Spy Who Shagged Me The - New Line Platinum Series Spygirl CD1 Spygirl CD2 Square Peg Squirm St Johns Wort - (Otogiriso) 25fps 2001 Stage Beauty 2004 Stage Fright 1950 Stagecoach Stalag 17 Stalker 1979 CD1 Stalker 1979 CD2 Star Trek Generations CD1 Star Trek Generations CD2 Star Wars - Episode II Attack of the Clones Star Wars - Episode IV A New Hope Star Wars - Episode I The Phantom Menace Star Wars Episode 4 (A New Hope) CD1 Star Wars Episode 4 (A New Hope) CD2 Star Wars Episode 5 (Empire Strikes Back) CD1 Star Wars Episode 5 (Empire Strikes Back) CD2 Star Wars Episode 6 (Return of the Jedi) CD1 Star Wars Episode 6 (Return of the Jedi) CD2 Stargate SG1 1x01 Children of the Gods Stargate SG1 1x02 The enemy Within Stargate SG1 1x03 Emancipation Stargate SG1 1x04 The Broca Divide Stargate SG1 1x05 The First Commandment Stargate SG1 1x06 Cold Lazarus Stargate SG1 1x07 The Nox Stargate SG1 1x08 Brief Candle Stargate SG1 1x09 Thors Hammer Stargate SG1 1x10 The Torment of Tantalus Stargate SG1 1x11 Bloodlines Stargate SG1 1x12 Fire and Water Stargate SG1 1x13 Hathor Stargate SG1 1x14 Singularity Stargate SG1 1x15 The Cor AI Stargate SG1 1x16 Enigma Stargate SG1 1x17 Solitudes Stargate SG1 1x18 Tin Man Stargate SG1 1x19 There but for the Grace of God Stargate SG1 1x20 Politics Stargate SG1 1x21 Within the Serpents Grasp Stargate SG1 2x01 The serpents lair Stargate SG1 2x02 In the line of duty Stargate SG1 2x03 Prisoners Stargate SG1 2x04 The gamekeeper Stargate SG1 2x05 Need Stargate SG1 2x06 Thors chariot Stargate SG1 2x07 Message in a bottle Stargate SG1 2x08 Family Stargate SG1 2x09 Secrets Stargate SG1 2x10 Bane Stargate SG1 2x11 The tokra part 1 Stargate SG1 2x12 The tokra part 2 Stargate SG1 2x13 Spirits Stargate SG1 2x14 Touchstone Stargate SG1 2x15 The fifth race Stargate SG1 2x16 A matter of time Stargate SG1 2x17 Holiday Stargate SG1 2x18 Serpents song Stargate SG1 2x19 One false step Stargate SG1 2x20 Show and tell Stargate SG1 2x21 1969 Stargate SG1 3x01 Into The Fire II Stargate SG1 3x02 Seth Stargate SG1 3x03 Fair Game Stargate SG1 3x04 Legacy Stargate SG1 3x05 Learning Curve Stargate SG1 3x06 Point Of View Stargate SG1 3x07 Deadman Switch Stargate SG1 3x08 Demons Stargate SG1 3x09 Rules Of Engagement Stargate SG1 3x10 Forever In A Day Stargate SG1 3x11 Past And Present Stargate SG1 3x12 Jolinars Memories Stargate SG1 3x13 The Devil You Know Stargate SG1 3x14 Foothold Stargate SG1 3x15 Pretense Stargate SG1 3x16 Urgo Stargate SG1 3x17 A Hundred Days Stargate SG1 3x18 Shades Of Grey Stargate SG1 3x19 New Ground Stargate SG1 3x20 Maternal Instinct Stargate SG1 3x21 Crystal Skull Stargate SG1 3x22 Nemesis Stargate SG1 4x01 Small Victories Stargate SG1 4x02 The Other Side Stargate SG1 4x03 Upgrades Stargate SG1 4x04 Crossroads Stargate SG1 4x05 Divide And Conquer Stargate SG1 4x06 Window Of Opportunity Stargate SG1 4x07 Watergate Stargate SG1 4x08 The First Ones Stargate SG1 4x09 Scorched Earth Stargate SG1 4x10 Beneath The Surface Stargate SG1 4x11 Point Of No Return Stargate SG1 4x12 Tangent Stargate SG1 4x13 The Curse Stargate SG1 4x14 The Serpents Venom Stargate SG1 4x15 Chain Reaction Stargate SG1 4x16 2010 Stargate SG1 4x17 Absolute Power Stargate SG1 4x18 The Light Stargate SG1 4x19 Prodigy Stargate SG1 4x20 Entity Stargate SG1 4x21 Double Jeopardy Stargate SG1 4x22 Exodus Stargate SG1 5x01 Enemies Stargate SG1 5x02 Threshold Stargate SG1 5x03 Ascension Stargate SG1 5x04 Fifth Man Stargate SG1 5x05 Red Sky Stargate SG1 5x06 Rite Of Passage Stargate SG1 5x07 Beast Of Burden Stargate SG1 5x08 The Tomb Stargate SG1 5x09 Between Two Fires Stargate SG1 5x10 2001 Stargate SG1 5x11 Desperate Measures Stargate SG1 5x12 Wormhole X-Treme Stargate SG1 5x13 Proving Ground Stargate SG1 5x14 48 Hours Stargate SG1 5x15 Summit Stargate SG1 5x16 Last Stand Stargate SG1 5x17 Failsafe Stargate SG1 5x18 The Warrior Stargate SG1 5x19 Menace Stargate SG1 5x20 The Sentinel Stargate SG1 5x21 Meridian Stargate SG1 5x22 Revelations Stargate SG1 6x01 Redemption Part 1 Stargate SG1 6x02 Redemption Part 2 Stargate SG1 6x03 Descent Stargate SG1 6x04 Frozen Stargate SG1 6x05 Nightwalkers Stargate SG1 6x06 Abyss Stargate SG1 6x07 Shadow Play Stargate SG1 6x08 The Other Guys Stargate SG1 6x09 Allegiance Stargate SG1 6x10 Cure Stargate SG1 6x11 Prometheus Stargate SG1 6x12 Unnatural Selection Stargate SG1 6x13 Sight Unseen Stargate SG1 6x14 Smoke n Mirrors Stargate SG1 6x15 Paradise Lost Stargate SG1 6x16 Metamorphosis Stargate SG1 6x17 Disclosure Stargate SG1 6x18 Forsaken Stargate SG1 6x19 The Changeling Stargate SG1 6x20 Memento Stargate SG1 6x21 Prophecy Stargate SG1 6x22 Full Circle Stargate SG1 7x01 Fallen Stargate SG1 7x02 Homecoming Stargate SG1 7x03 Fragile Balance Stargate SG1 7x04 Orpheus Stargate SG1 7x05 Revisions Stargate SG1 7x06 Lifeboat Stargate SG1 7x07 Enemy Mine Stargate SG1 7x08 Space Race Stargate SG1 7x09 Avenger 2 0 Stargate SG1 7x10 Birthright Stargate SG1 7x10 Heroes II Stargate SG1 7x11 Evolution I Stargate SG1 7x12 Evolution II Stargate SG1 7x13 Grace Stargate SG1 7x14 Fallout Stargate SG1 7x15 Chimera Stargate SG1 7x16 Death Knell Stargate SG1 7x17 Heroes I Stargate SG1 7x19 Resurrection Stargate SG1 7x20 Inauguration Stargate SG1 7x21-22 The Lost City I n II Starship Troopers (Special Edition) Starship Troopers 2 Story Of A Kiss Strada La Strange aventure de Docteur Molyneux Street Of Love And Hope (Nagisa Oshima 1959) Street of shame (Akasen chitai) Streetcar Named Desire A Style Wars Suicide Regimen Sukces 2003 Summer Tale A 2000 Sunday Lunch (2003) Super 8 Stories Superman IV - The Quest for Peace Surviving the Game Swedish Love Story A (1970) CD1 Swedish Love Story A (1970) CD2 Sweetest Thing The (Unrated Version) Swept Away Swordsman III - The East is Red Sylvester - Canned Feud (1951) Sylvester - Speedy Gonzales (1955) Sylvester and Elmer - Kit for Cat (1948) Sylvester and Porky - Scaredy Cat (1948) Sylvester and Tweety - Canary Row (1950) Sylvester and Tweety - Putty Tat Trouble (1951) Sylvester and Tweety - Tweetys SOS (1951) |