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South Park 01x06 - Death

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Now blow out the candles, Grandpa.
- How's it feel to be 1 02, Paps? - Shoot me.
- Make a wish, Grandpa. - I wish I were dead.
- That's silly. - I'm not being silly, kill me.
- I'd do it myself, but I'm too old. - Who wants ice cream with their cake?
- I will. - It's 8:00. My favorite TV show is on.
That show's for babies. It's so stupid.
Can I eat in the living room, Mom?
All right, but take your grampy with you.
- Damn it! - Language!
Back to Terrance and Phillip.
- Hey Terrance, I think I have to fart. - Wait, before you do, pull my thumb.
Damn it!
- Want to make a dollar, Billy? - My name's not Billy, it's Stan.
- Damn it, do you want a dollar or not? - Sure.
- You just have to do one thing for me. - I'm not gonna kill you.
- Why not? - I'll get in trouble.
- I killed my grandpa when I was young. - Leave me alone, Grandpa.
What has our youth come to?
Kids won't even kill their grandparents.
Hey, Terrance, now that you farted I think I might fart too.
You farted.
Kyle, what are you watching?
- Phillip, would you like a flower? - I sure would.
All right then, here's a tulip.
- What is this? It's horrible. - It's Terrance and Phillip.
- Take that, you stupid dick. - What did he say?
- You're an asshole, Phillip. - What?!
You are not to watch that show anymore.
- It's immature toilet humor. - But everybody watches it.
Really, is that so?
- Looks like you're about to fart. - You're exactly right, Terrance.
- Sweet. - Eric, dear...
...I just got a call from your friend Kyle's mother.
She said that this show is naughty and might make you a potty-mouth.
That's crap. Kyle's mom is a f* * *ing Jew.
Okay, hon.
- I'm not going to kill you, Grandpa. - Ingrate!
- Good night, Grandpa. - You son of a whore!
What was that for?
Your stupid mother made me miss Terrance and Phillip.
What's the idea of having your mom call all our moms?
- She did it on her own. - Why does this happen every month?
It seems like every month, Kyle's mom gets a hair up her ass...
...and I always get screwed by it. - Children...
- A certain student's mother called. - I wonder who that could have been?
She informed me that some of you might be watching Terrance and Phillip.
That show is bad, Mr. Garrison. That's right, Mr. Hat.
Shows like that are called "toilet humor."
They don't expand your minds.
Children, these kinds of shows are senseless, vile trash.
Kenny, why are you late to class?
Okay, Kenny, be seated.
The reason the parents of South Park are upset is because...
Yes, Kenny, what is it?
You just came from the bathroom.
Okay, okay, go ahead.
You enjoy the show even though it isn't based in reality.
There's more to life than two men farting.
Throughout history, there have always been very bad shows.
Usually they get canceled.
You should be enlightening your mind with more intelligent entertainment.
- Smells like you slaughtered a cow. - Pay attention!
I'm requesting that you don't watch Terrance and Phillip anymore.
- What? - Not watch Terrance and Phillip?
That's right. Are there any questions? Yes, Stanley?
Is it okay to kill somebody if they want you to?
- What? - My grandpa is asking me to kill him.
- Sometimes I wonder if I should. - Then you should.
- Really? - Yeah. A guy named Jack Laborkian...
...goes around and murders people that ask him to.
Maybe we could get him to kill Kyle's mom.
Is it okay to assist somebody with suicide?
Stan, I'm not touching that one with a 20-foot pole.
We're gonna miss Terrance and Phillip. I think I'm already having withdrawal.
Don't worry, dude, we can watch it at my house.
Won't your grandpa be there?
Just kill him. Maybe he'll give you money.
- Hello there. - Hey, Chef.
- How's it going? - Bad.
- Why bad? - Is it okay to kill your grandpa?
You can't kill my grandpa, he's already passed on.
- No, I mean kill my grandpa. - I don't think that's okay.
- I think that's illegal. - See, I told you.
What if he really wants to die, and he's just asking for help?
Yeah, like assisted suicide. What about that?
I don't wanna touch that with a 40-foot pole.
Why won't anybody talk about this?
I was not aware of this horrible show until recently.
I have a clip to demonstrate what I mean.
- Phillip, guess what? - What?
Now apparently, that's supposed to be funny.
He farted right on his head.
Not allowing our kids to watch this show is not enough.
We need to boycott the entire network. All those in favor?
I think I've caught a touch of the flu from Kenny.
- I've got the green-apple splatters. - Green-apple splatters.
Hi, Grandpa, I brought my friends over.
Billy, help me stick this fork in the outlet.
- No, Grandpa. - Kill me, goddamn it.
- I can't even kill a deer. - Have your friends do it.
- You kill me. - I would never kill somebody...
...unless they pissed me off. - Is that a fact?
Let me tell you something, porky...
...your mom was over here earlier, and I humped her like a bitch.
That's right.
And I dug up your great grandma's skeleton and had my way with her.
- Choice piece of ass. - Piece of crap, I'll kill you!
- That's the spirit, tubby. - Come on.
- Don't talk about my mom like that! - Let's watch TV.
I ever tell you how I boofed your dad, fatso?
- I can't believe that son of a bitch! - Have some Snacky Cakes.
- Dude, Snacky Cakes? - What do I do?
- He really wants to die. - It's okay.
- Ask the Lord for guidance. - Yeah.
And now back to Jesus and Pals.
Yea, believe in me and ye shall find peace. First caller?
- Is this Jesus? - Yes. You need to turn your TV down.
- Sorry. This is Martin... - From Aspen Park.
- How did you know that? - Because I'm the son of God, brainiac.
- I have a cousin who cheated on the SATs...
Tell little Gregory that cheating is lying, and lying is wrong.
Okay. Thanks for the advice, Jesus.
- Next caller. - Jesus?
- Yes, my son. - Is it okay to kill somebody...
...if they ask you to, like assisted suicide. Is that okay?
- My son... - Yes?
...I'm not touching that with a 60-foot pole.
- Goddamn! - I heard that.
- What's wrong with everybody? - Hey, Terrance and Phillip is on.
- Think we'll get in trouble? - Don't be a butthole.
Your mom's a bitch, but we shouldn't suffer.
Don't call my mom a bitch, Cartman!
Bitch. Your mom is a bitch.
Back to Terrance and Phillip.
- Phillip, would you like some beans? - Yeah, I love beans.
- I bet I know what's coming. - Billy, would you hold this for me.
Okay, Grandpa, just get out of the way.
- Those beans might make me fart. - Well, don't fart on me.
Dude, he's gonna fart on his head again.
Hey, you're gonna miss it, Kenny.
- You're such an asshole, Terrance. - I sure am.
- Kenny, you're gonna miss the fart. - What the hell are you doing?
We're not watching Terrance and Phillip, I swear.
No, I mean what the hell are you doing to Grandpa?
Tug a little harder, Billy.
You jerk! You were trying to kill Grandpa.
- I'm telling Mom. - Damn it, I was so close.
Four boys from South Park, Colorado...
...tried to viciously murder an innocent grandfather.
Boys, what drove you to the edge and changed you into demonic bastards?
We were watching Terrance and Phillip and...
Terrance and Phillip? So that show is to blame.
These boys' minds have been tainted by the garbage on television...
...and we are fed up.
Oh, God. Oh, God.
We have to stop this smut from airing.
We will march to the network and protest until our demands are met.
New York, here we come!
We are spreading the word to this establishment...
...that we demand better television for our children.
We want more quality television like Full House.
- I think you gave me the stomach flu. - No, it was that little Kenny bastard.
- Mary, you making gravy in there? - I just had a brown baby boy.
- This is sweet without parents around. - I hope they protest TV shows forever.
- Billy, I wanna show you something. - Do I have to?
Yes, you do, you little pecker!
The reason you won't kill me... because you don't understand how I feel.
Now I've found a way to show you what it feels like to be Grandpa.
What are you doing?
- What are they doing? - I don't know.
You're about to see what it's like to be as old as me. Are you ready?
I guess.
- Okay, you can let me out now. - Not just yet.
Let me out, Grandpa!
I can't take it. This music is terrible.
It's cheesy, but lame and eerily soothing too.
That's it. Now you know how it feels to be Grandpa.
Grandpa, I had no idea how bad it was for you.
- Now I understand. - So now will you kill me, Billy?
Sure, I will, Grandpa. I will.
- Our protest isn't working. - It'll work. It has to.
It's the president of the network.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm John Warson.
I've prepared a statement for you on behalf of the network.
F* *k you.
Thank you. If there are any questions... may direct them to that brick wall over there.
Hey, you will not get away with this!
That does it, no more Mr. Nice Protesters.
It's time for plan B.
Carol, where are the porta potties?
Over there. You need to drop some friends off at the pool?
Yes indeedy.
Okay, all you have to do is sit there.
- You got the cow all tied up? - All done.
Okay, come on, guys.
- Why don't we shoot him? - It has to look natural...
...or else we'll get busted. - Yeah, stupid.
That's good, Billy, a little higher now.
The network is not taking us seriously.
In the past, people have had to die for what they believed in.
We are prepared to do the same. Ready?
Mr. McCormick, you shall be a martyr to us all. Godspeed.
We will not let these corporate half-wits ruin our children's minds.
We will all follow suit, one by one if that's what it takes.
- Are you ready, Grandpa? - Does a pope crap in the woods?
Code six. 1 05 northbound, Route 52.
Carry on.
Okay, here we go. Bye, it was nice knowing you.
Cut the damn rope, already!
What is that?
It looks like Death.
It's about time, you lazy-ass son of a whore!
Come on, let's go! What the...?
- Hey, he's coming towards us. - Why is Death coming after us?
- Help! - Run, run, run!
What are we gonna do?
As the day progresses, more South Park residents...
...slingshot their bodies into the side of the Toon Central building.
Toon Central is now under incredible pressure...
...and has already lost 20% of their sponsors.
- Here, I think it's your boy. - Thanks.
What is it? Did you break something?
Mom, Death is here! He's trying to take us away!
You need to leave Mommy alone.
I'm doing something important for your well-being.
- But, Mom...! - Talk to your father.
- Is the heat on? - Death's coming!
Keep it under 70. Take care of Grandpa.
If parents worried less about what their kids watch on TV...
...and worried more about their kids' lives, things would be better.
Parents get offended because they rely on TV as a babysitter and educator.
- Totally, dude. - Good point.
Quick, jump through the window!
Come back here, you pompous son of a pansy!
Don't let him touch you, or you'll die.
I'm over here, son of a whore!
Terrance, what color is the wind?
I don't know. Why don't you check?
You farted! Oh, my!
Know what my space suit smells like?
- No, Terrance, why don't you tell me? - Well, it smells like a dirty fart.
Hey, look!
There's one.
The die-hard South Park parents...
...are still killing themselves in front of the Toon Central building.
Worse yet, the stomach flu that is going around is...
Wait. The president of the network is going to make a statement.
- Wait, wait. - Ladies and gentlemen...
...your Nazi-ass tactics of trying to stink us out with your rancid feces...
...has worked.
We will be taking Terrance and Phillip off the network...
...and replacing it with She's the Sheriff, starring Suzanne Somers.
Now get away from here and take your diarrhea with you.
Now, at last, we can return to normality.
- Hey, Phillip. - Yes, Terrance?
- Is there a penny stuck in my butt? - I don't know, let me check.
Don't look there, Phillip, you're gonna get farted on.
We interrupt this program to bring you loud static.
Oh, my God, they killed Kenny! You bastard.
I guess Death was just coming after Kenny.
Hey, you were supposed to kill me.
That's not fair, goddamn it!
My grandpa asked me to kill him, and I did it.
- Grandpa? - That's right, Billy.
My name's not Billy, Grandpa. Why do you look all haggard?
I asked you to kill me, Billy, but I was wrong.
- Now I'm spending eternity in limbo. - Limbo?
I was wrong to put you in that position.
Just like you're wrong to put little Billy in it.
You're so obsessed with ending your life, you're not thinking about his.
- Wait to die of natural causes. - But I've been waiting for 25 years!
Let nature run its course or else end up in limbo.
Natural causes, Billy, natural causes.
Come on you guys, let's go home.
- Here they are. - We did it, son.
- We won a battle for your well-being. - What?
We got Terrance and Phillip canceled.
- You son of a bitch, your mom sucks! - But look what they put on.
- And now back to She's the Sheriff. - No! God, no!
- You were behind all the shenanigans. - You're the stupid ho who started it.
What did he say?
- Up yours, butt-munch. - What?!
Come on, everybody, back to New York.
Hey, Stan, now what are we gonna do for entertainment?
- We could start breathing gas fumes. - My uncle says smoking crack is cool.
Why don't we go watch those porno movie thingies?
- What are you doing, Grandpa? - I'm going to Africa.
Over 400 people are eaten naturally by lions in Africa every year.
That's my silly grandpa.
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South Park 01x03 - Volcano
South Park 01x04 - Big Gay Als Big Gay Boatride
South Park 01x05 - An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig
South Park 01x06 - Death
South Park 01x07 - Pinkeye
South Park 01x08 - Jesus VS Satan
South Park 01x09 - Starvin Marvin
South Park 01x10 - Mr Hankey the Christmas Poo
South Park 01x11 - Toms Rhinoplasty
South Park 01x12 - Mecha Striesand
South Park 01x13 - Cartmans Mom is a Dirty Slut
Soylent Green 1973
Spacehunter 1983
Spanish Prisoner The CD1
Spanish Prisoner The CD2
Spark the Lighter
Spartacus 2004 CD1
Spartacus 2004 CD2
Spartacus Fixed 1960
Spartan 2004 CD1
Spartan 2004 CD2
Spawn (1997)
Spawn (Directors Cut)
Species 3 CD1
Species 3 CD2
Speed 2 - Cruise Control
Spellbound (Hitchcock 1945)
Spetters 1980
Spider-Man CD1
Spider-Man CD2
Spider (2002)
Spider Man 2 CD1
Spider Man 2 CD2
Spies Like Us 1985
Spirit of the Beehive
Spirited Away CD1
Spirits of the Dead 1968 CD1
Spirits of the Dead 1968 CD2
Spoilers The
Spongebob Squarepants The Movie
Springtime In A Small Town
Spun (Unrated Version)
Spy Game
Spy Hard
Spy Who Came In from the Cold The
Spy Who Loved Me The
Spy Who Shagged Me The - New Line Platinum Series
Spygirl CD1
Spygirl CD2
Square Peg
St Johns Wort - (Otogiriso) 25fps 2001
Stage Beauty 2004
Stage Fright 1950
Stalag 17
Stalker 1979 CD1
Stalker 1979 CD2
Star Trek Generations CD1
Star Trek Generations CD2
Star Wars - Episode II Attack of the Clones
Star Wars - Episode IV A New Hope
Star Wars - Episode I The Phantom Menace
Star Wars Episode 4 (A New Hope) CD1
Star Wars Episode 4 (A New Hope) CD2
Star Wars Episode 5 (Empire Strikes Back) CD1
Star Wars Episode 5 (Empire Strikes Back) CD2
Star Wars Episode 6 (Return of the Jedi) CD1
Star Wars Episode 6 (Return of the Jedi) CD2
Stargate SG1 1x01 Children of the Gods
Stargate SG1 1x02 The enemy Within
Stargate SG1 1x03 Emancipation
Stargate SG1 1x04 The Broca Divide
Stargate SG1 1x05 The First Commandment
Stargate SG1 1x06 Cold Lazarus
Stargate SG1 1x07 The Nox
Stargate SG1 1x08 Brief Candle
Stargate SG1 1x09 Thors Hammer
Stargate SG1 1x10 The Torment of Tantalus
Stargate SG1 1x11 Bloodlines
Stargate SG1 1x12 Fire and Water
Stargate SG1 1x13 Hathor
Stargate SG1 1x14 Singularity
Stargate SG1 1x15 The Cor AI
Stargate SG1 1x16 Enigma
Stargate SG1 1x17 Solitudes
Stargate SG1 1x18 Tin Man
Stargate SG1 1x19 There but for the Grace of God
Stargate SG1 1x20 Politics
Stargate SG1 1x21 Within the Serpents Grasp
Stargate SG1 2x01 The serpents lair
Stargate SG1 2x02 In the line of duty
Stargate SG1 2x03 Prisoners
Stargate SG1 2x04 The gamekeeper
Stargate SG1 2x05 Need
Stargate SG1 2x06 Thors chariot
Stargate SG1 2x07 Message in a bottle
Stargate SG1 2x08 Family
Stargate SG1 2x09 Secrets
Stargate SG1 2x10 Bane
Stargate SG1 2x11 The tokra part 1
Stargate SG1 2x12 The tokra part 2
Stargate SG1 2x13 Spirits
Stargate SG1 2x14 Touchstone
Stargate SG1 2x15 The fifth race
Stargate SG1 2x16 A matter of time
Stargate SG1 2x17 Holiday
Stargate SG1 2x18 Serpents song
Stargate SG1 2x19 One false step
Stargate SG1 2x20 Show and tell
Stargate SG1 2x21 1969
Stargate SG1 3x01 Into The Fire II
Stargate SG1 3x02 Seth
Stargate SG1 3x03 Fair Game
Stargate SG1 3x04 Legacy
Stargate SG1 3x05 Learning Curve
Stargate SG1 3x06 Point Of View
Stargate SG1 3x07 Deadman Switch
Stargate SG1 3x08 Demons
Stargate SG1 3x09 Rules Of Engagement
Stargate SG1 3x10 Forever In A Day
Stargate SG1 3x11 Past And Present
Stargate SG1 3x12 Jolinars Memories
Stargate SG1 3x13 The Devil You Know
Stargate SG1 3x14 Foothold
Stargate SG1 3x15 Pretense
Stargate SG1 3x16 Urgo
Stargate SG1 3x17 A Hundred Days
Stargate SG1 3x18 Shades Of Grey
Stargate SG1 3x19 New Ground
Stargate SG1 3x20 Maternal Instinct
Stargate SG1 3x21 Crystal Skull
Stargate SG1 3x22 Nemesis
Stargate SG1 4x01 Small Victories
Stargate SG1 4x02 The Other Side
Stargate SG1 4x03 Upgrades
Stargate SG1 4x04 Crossroads
Stargate SG1 4x05 Divide And Conquer
Stargate SG1 4x06 Window Of Opportunity
Stargate SG1 4x07 Watergate
Stargate SG1 4x08 The First Ones
Stargate SG1 4x09 Scorched Earth
Stargate SG1 4x10 Beneath The Surface
Stargate SG1 4x11 Point Of No Return
Stargate SG1 4x12 Tangent
Stargate SG1 4x13 The Curse
Stargate SG1 4x14 The Serpents Venom
Stargate SG1 4x15 Chain Reaction
Stargate SG1 4x16 2010
Stargate SG1 4x17 Absolute Power
Stargate SG1 4x18 The Light
Stargate SG1 4x19 Prodigy
Stargate SG1 4x20 Entity
Stargate SG1 4x21 Double Jeopardy
Stargate SG1 4x22 Exodus
Stargate SG1 5x01 Enemies
Stargate SG1 5x02 Threshold
Stargate SG1 5x03 Ascension
Stargate SG1 5x04 Fifth Man
Stargate SG1 5x05 Red Sky
Stargate SG1 5x06 Rite Of Passage
Stargate SG1 5x07 Beast Of Burden
Stargate SG1 5x08 The Tomb
Stargate SG1 5x09 Between Two Fires
Stargate SG1 5x10 2001
Stargate SG1 5x11 Desperate Measures
Stargate SG1 5x12 Wormhole X-Treme
Stargate SG1 5x13 Proving Ground
Stargate SG1 5x14 48 Hours
Stargate SG1 5x15 Summit
Stargate SG1 5x16 Last Stand
Stargate SG1 5x17 Failsafe
Stargate SG1 5x18 The Warrior
Stargate SG1 5x19 Menace
Stargate SG1 5x20 The Sentinel
Stargate SG1 5x21 Meridian
Stargate SG1 5x22 Revelations
Stargate SG1 6x01 Redemption Part 1
Stargate SG1 6x02 Redemption Part 2
Stargate SG1 6x03 Descent
Stargate SG1 6x04 Frozen
Stargate SG1 6x05 Nightwalkers
Stargate SG1 6x06 Abyss
Stargate SG1 6x07 Shadow Play
Stargate SG1 6x08 The Other Guys
Stargate SG1 6x09 Allegiance
Stargate SG1 6x10 Cure
Stargate SG1 6x11 Prometheus
Stargate SG1 6x12 Unnatural Selection
Stargate SG1 6x13 Sight Unseen
Stargate SG1 6x14 Smoke n Mirrors
Stargate SG1 6x15 Paradise Lost
Stargate SG1 6x16 Metamorphosis
Stargate SG1 6x17 Disclosure
Stargate SG1 6x18 Forsaken
Stargate SG1 6x19 The Changeling
Stargate SG1 6x20 Memento
Stargate SG1 6x21 Prophecy
Stargate SG1 6x22 Full Circle
Stargate SG1 7x01 Fallen
Stargate SG1 7x02 Homecoming
Stargate SG1 7x03 Fragile Balance
Stargate SG1 7x04 Orpheus
Stargate SG1 7x05 Revisions
Stargate SG1 7x06 Lifeboat
Stargate SG1 7x07 Enemy Mine
Stargate SG1 7x08 Space Race
Stargate SG1 7x09 Avenger 2 0
Stargate SG1 7x10 Birthright
Stargate SG1 7x10 Heroes II
Stargate SG1 7x11 Evolution I
Stargate SG1 7x12 Evolution II
Stargate SG1 7x13 Grace
Stargate SG1 7x14 Fallout
Stargate SG1 7x15 Chimera
Stargate SG1 7x16 Death Knell
Stargate SG1 7x17 Heroes I
Stargate SG1 7x19 Resurrection
Stargate SG1 7x20 Inauguration
Stargate SG1 7x21-22 The Lost City I n II
Starship Troopers (Special Edition)
Starship Troopers 2
Story Of A Kiss
Strada La
Strange aventure de Docteur Molyneux
Street Of Love And Hope (Nagisa Oshima 1959)
Street of shame (Akasen chitai)
Streetcar Named Desire A
Style Wars
Suicide Regimen
Sukces 2003
Summer Tale A 2000
Sunday Lunch (2003)
Super 8 Stories
Superman IV - The Quest for Peace
Surviving the Game
Swedish Love Story A (1970) CD1
Swedish Love Story A (1970) CD2
Sweetest Thing The (Unrated Version)
Swept Away
Swordsman III - The East is Red
Sylvester - Canned Feud (1951)
Sylvester - Speedy Gonzales (1955)
Sylvester and Elmer - Kit for Cat (1948)
Sylvester and Porky - Scaredy Cat (1948)
Sylvester and Tweety - Canary Row (1950)
Sylvester and Tweety - Putty Tat Trouble (1951)
Sylvester and Tweety - Tweetys SOS (1951)