South Park 01x09 - Starvin Marvin
Starvin' Marvin
- That was awesome.
- Would you boys like Cheesy Poofs?
Move! The Terrance & Phillip
Thanksgiving Special is on.
- Sure.
- Yeah, we want Cheesy Poofs.
Terrance, looks like a good place
to start a colony.
It sure does, Phillip. No one
will repress our religion here.
- You stained my hat!
- Did you see that? That was sweet.
Coming up next on the special,
Phillip farts on Terrance and laughs.
- Cool!
- Now a word from our sponsor.
In Africa, children are dying, not
from disease or war but from hunger.
I'm Sally Struthers.
These children are in desperate need.
- Who's that fat chick?
- Sally Struthers.
She was on Full House.
Here in the middle of Africa,
food is extremely scarce.
She's not having
trouble finding food.
- She's fatter than Cartman.
- Yeah. Hey!
- Just $5 a month can sponsor a child.
- That's stupid. Who'd want to do that?
Sponsor now, and we'll send you
a Teiko sports watch as a free gift.
- Kick-ass!
- Sweet!
- I know my mom's credit-card number.
- Is it waterproof?
- Hello, is this Sally Struthers?
- What did she say?
- Shut up, butt pirate!
- Ass-rammer.
- We wanna adopt a starving Ethernopian.
- When do we get the watch?
- Just a second, fat-ass!
- You vas deferens.
Hello? No, it's a... Vas deferens?
- Ask if we get the watch right away.
- Do we get the watch right away?
- She says we do.
- Cool.
I get to wear it first.
- I can't wait to get our Teiko watch.
- But I get to wear it first.
To honor this special time of year,
we'll be doing a canned-food drive.
Anybody know what a
canned-food drive is? Yes, Eric.
When they cut up a chick's stomach
to get a baby out?
That's a cesarean section.
That's okay. There are no stupid
questions, just stupid people.
It's when we collect food for people
who can't afford food on Thanksgiving.
- You mean like Kenny?
- Exactly.
Mr. Garrison, why do poor people
always smell like sour milk?
I don't know, Eric. They just do.
I want everyone
to bring a can of food.
The mayor will divide it up amongst
Kenny's family and other poor people.
- I won't bring food. Screw them!
- How about helping the less fortunate?
Do you hear something?
I think I hear flower children calling.
This is the one time of year
to care about people who can't eat.
Isn't it enough that I pay taxes?
What about the poorhouses I pay for?
Many would rather die than go there.
They should,
and decrease the population.
That's enough Dickens for one day.
- On with our lesson, right, Mr. Hat?
- Right, Mr. Garrison.
Engelbert Humperdinck was the first
man on the moon. Who was the second?
What the hell is going on?
You don't see that every day.
Now, once we have all
the canned foods collected...
...we'll need some clever way
to distribute them to the poor.
It should be something festive.
Mayor, we've got a very big problem.
You're that insane
genetic engineer, right?
Yes, and I may have made
a horrible mistake.
I was genetically engineering
turkeys for Thanksgiving...
...to provide food for the needy.
Something went wrong,
the turkeys broke free.
The worst part is,
they're really pissed off.
Naturally.
Oh, do go on.
We have to stop them, or they could
destroy everything. Time is short.
- You were saying?
- They act normal, but they're evil.
Oh, my.
- You're not taking me seriously.
- Why would you say that?
- Did it come?
- Is it here?
I get to use it first, you guys.
- Did our digital sports watch come?
- Not yet, hon.
- Damn.
- Hey, look, you guys.
Now back to part two of The Terrance
& Phillip Thanksgiving Special.
- I sure am cold, Phillip.
- Yes, and hungry too.
- Being a pilgrim totally sucks ass.
- Gosh, I hope we don't starve.
A squeaker!
The digital sports watch is here!
What the hell?
- That's not a digital sports watch.
- It looks like an Etheropian.
They accidentally sent him
instead of the watch.
Maybe they took it literally
when we said we'd adopt a kid.
- That was cool.
- How'd he make those clicking sounds?
What's your name, dude?
- I think he said his name is Marvin.
- Yeah, Starvin' Marvin.
Nice to meet you.
- Hey, Mom.
- Yes, hon?
We found an Etheropian.
Can we keep him?
- Sure, hon.
- Sweet.
- Let's bring him to school.
- I want you to meet my brother.
He's my son. I adopted him.
- It was my mom's card.
- We'll switch off.
He'll stay here.
Then with Stan, then me.
- Not with Kenny. His family's too poor.
- Totally.
Look how the leaves fall so delicately
on the surface of the pond.
It's so beautiful.
Not as beautiful as you.
Darling, look. Thanksgiving turkeys.
They're so beautiful.
Not as beautiful as you.
Look at the way they foam at the mouth
like beautiful suds of beer.
Not as beautiful as...
This is a great way
to experience America.
This is an all-you-can-eat buffet.
You can eat all you want for $6.99.
That's why we all come on Tuesdays.
Except for Kenny's family.
To them, $6.99 is two years' income.
Why is your family poor?
Is your dad an alcoholic too?
You see, Starvin' Marvin,
these are called appetizers.
Appetizer.
This is what you eat before you eat
to make you more hungry.
Food's here.
That's it for the appetizers.
No, that's my potpie.
This is the time of year
you're supposed to share.
You're right.
You gonna eat your cobbler?
No, you don't want all that.
Why don't you share it with me?
Let me just have some of that.
I'm a little disappointed
in your Thanksgiving spirit.
Only a few cans have been donated
to our food drive.
And can't we do a little better
than creamed corn...
...creamed corn and creamed corn?
Bring in more diverse food...
...or else Kenny's family will have
a pretty corny Thanksgiving.
Corny Thanksgiving!
Anyway, some of you have brought
something special for show-and-tell.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, we did.
All right, boys.
Show us what you've brought.
This is our new Ethernopian:
Starvin' Marvin.
He can do cool stuff
with his voice. Show them.
No, Starvin' Marvin,
that's Kenny's creamed corn.
That's a bad Starvin' Marvin!
What the hell are you doing?
This is horribly wrong.
- How did you get him?
- He came instead of the sports watch.
- From the commercial?
- Yeah, that one.
- I want a Starvin' Marvin.
- Me too.
- Yes, I'll pay $50 for one.
- I want one!
You're too young to take care of him.
I'll call the Red Cross
and have him returned.
We shouldn't have brought him here.
Thank you very much.
You can pick him up tonight. Bye.
- I hope you've learned your lesson.
- No.
- You can't care for him.
- I thought we were supposed to.
But you don't get involved
with the child.
You send money,
and they write you a letter.
He didn't grow up
in a normal place like here.
- Why can't he live here now?
- Because he can't.
- Because why?
- Because 8-year-olds can't be parents!
- Then you take care of him.
- I can't. I'm very busy.
I send my $5 a month, see?
- This sucks, he's our friend.
- Back to the poor country with you.
Watch what you say.
You might be poor and hungry someday.
Yeah, right.
I knew you were
the only person who'd listen.
Let's get it over with.
This gives me the booboo-jeebies.
Look here in my microscope.
Tell me what you see.
I see an extreme close-up...
...of Vanessa Redgrave's
private parts.
Now tell me what you see.
Well, I'm no biologist...
...but it looks like turkey DNA.
- Precisely.
- Look how rapidly it's dividing.
- What's it mean?
The turkeys are growing exponentially.
If we don't destroy them,
they'll take over the town.
- Maybe the world.
- Oh, fudge!
Let me see that
Vanessa Redgrave thing again.
Sure.
We're looking for
a starving African child...
...who was accidentally sent here
instead of a Teiko sports watch.
Hey, what's going on? Let go of me!
I'll kick you in the nuts!
Here's your sports watch, son.
Sorry for the mix-up.
Now you're pissing me off!
Sweet.
- So how does this thing work?
- It's based on the cash grab.
Instead of money,
cans are in the capsule.
The pov catches as many as he can.
- "Pov"?
- Poverty stricken citizen.
Oh, brilliant.
- What the hell is this?
- I don't know, mayor.
- It's not on the program.
- They're increasing in number.
These are the turkeys
I warned you about.
It's true, mayor. Those turkeys
just ripped apart my cafeteria.
You won't get away
with this, you bastards!
Those are some pissed off turkeys.
Okay, people, don't panic!
Bring out the defense squad!
We need more than that.
They'll come back in larger numbers.
- Phillip, could you pass the beans?
- Beans?
Looks like we'll be at war
with these Indians soon.
Wait, wait, wait.
Here it comes.
I crapped in my pants!
I think you got some spat
on Chief Running Wolf.
I spatted his face.
Now he's a smelly Indian.
We'll be back to part 1 4
of Terrance & Phillip...
...right after this.
Hunger is an enemy
that we all must fight.
These children desperately
need your support.
Somebody get me out of here!
This sucks!
So please call
and adopt a child today.
I'm seriously getting pissed off!
- You want more Cheesy Poofs?
- Yeah, I want the Cheesy Poofs.
Okay.
Sweet.
This is serious bullsh *t!
There has to be a Happy Burger
around here.
Excuse me, I am a lost little boy.
Could you help me?
Well, screw you too!
Who let these flies in here? Hasn't
anybody heard of insect repellent?
All right, everyone, it's time
to give out canned food to the poor.
- Where's Cartman?
- I don't know.
Do you know where he is?
Looks like we have
the turkey problem under control.
It's time to embrace the spirit
of giving with the canned-food grab.
Come on, hurry up.
Grab a lot, son.
Happy, happy Thanksgiving.
Let her rip!
Come on, grab those cans, little boy!
- Come on, Kenny!
- Come on, son!
Now, let's see all the goodies you're
going to take home to your family.
It looks like he got
a can of string beans.
- What the...?
- Dude, the mutant turkeys are back.
Okay, people, move along.
Nothing to see here, you looky-Ioos.
- I told you, but you didn't listen.
- Gather around and listen good.
Go to your homes and arm your...
- What the hell are you supposed to be?
- That's not important right now.
What's this thing supposed to be?
It doesn't look like anything.
- Chef, the turkeys.
- All right.
Listen up and listen good.
Go to your homes and arm yourselves
with whatever you can.
We'll meet back here
in 1 5 minutes. Hurry.
We won't let our Thanksgiving
be ruined by a bunch of turkeys.
Dang, you guys.
Seriously, I'm hungry.
I have to eat.
Sweet, the Red Cross.
I'll have fried chicken
and mashed potatoes, please.
Sorry, we're out of food.
We ran out of funding.
We couldn't get enough sponsors,
so we gotta pack it up.
I'm not an Ethernopian.
I gotta get home!
Sorry, we just don't have any funds.
Here, have a Teiko sports watch.
Weak!
People, we all have to do our part
against the evil turkeys.
- There's too many of them.
- Come on.
- Where is that Thanksgiving spirit?
- We can't stop them.
Today, you fight for your city.
You fight for your honor.
These turkeys will continue to push...
...until they have taken
everything from us.
These fudged-up turkeys from the
crustaceous era can take our lives...
...but they can never take
our freedom!
Here you go, turkeys.
Does my hair look okay?
Can't go on.
Need appetizer.
I'm sorry, God.
I'm sorry I mocked poor people.
I'm sorry I wasn't more sensitive.
Please.
Please, God.
My God has forsaken me.
I wonder what's in here?
Snacky Cakes!
- Sally Struthers?
- Who the hell are you?
- Give me that cake!
- No, this is my cake.
- Sally Struthers, give me that cake.
- No, you can't have any.
You guys, Sally Struthers is
holding food from us!
Stay close, children.
- Oh, my God, they've killed Kenny!
- You bastards!
The last three are getting away!
Shoot them!
- We did it!
- My God, what have we done?
We've saved Thanksgiving.
But those poor turkeys,
they're all dead.
Every turkey dies.
Not every turkey truly lives.
As horrible as they were,
they felt like a part of me.
Perhaps I shouldn't toy with
God's creations. Perhaps I should...
We're looking for
a starving Ethiopian boy...
...who was accidentally delivered
instead of a Teiko sports watch.
Have you seen anyone like this?
That could be a hundred kids
in this town, mister.
There you are.
Are you ready to go home now?
- It sucks he has to leave.
- I like him a lot more than Cartman.
I've learned something today.
It's easy not to think of images
on TV as real, but they are.
That's why it's easy to ignore those
commercials, but people on TV are real.
That means MacGyver's real too.
We're terribly sorry about the mix-up.
We'll get you home immediately.
That's right, you will.
Move it povs, I'm an American!
Lord, on this day of thanks,
we extend our deepest gratitude...
...for this incredible bounty of green
beans you have bestowed upon us.
Though you, for some reason, found it
necessary to take our son...
...and though you find pleasure
in watching us suffer...
...still, we give thanks. Amen.
Amen.
Does anybody have a can opener?
Goddamn it.
|
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Stargate SG1 1x17 Solitudes Stargate SG1 1x18 Tin Man Stargate SG1 1x19 There but for the Grace of God Stargate SG1 1x20 Politics Stargate SG1 1x21 Within the Serpents Grasp Stargate SG1 2x01 The serpents lair Stargate SG1 2x02 In the line of duty Stargate SG1 2x03 Prisoners Stargate SG1 2x04 The gamekeeper Stargate SG1 2x05 Need Stargate SG1 2x06 Thors chariot Stargate SG1 2x07 Message in a bottle Stargate SG1 2x08 Family Stargate SG1 2x09 Secrets Stargate SG1 2x10 Bane Stargate SG1 2x11 The tokra part 1 Stargate SG1 2x12 The tokra part 2 Stargate SG1 2x13 Spirits Stargate SG1 2x14 Touchstone Stargate SG1 2x15 The fifth race Stargate SG1 2x16 A matter of time Stargate SG1 2x17 Holiday Stargate SG1 2x18 Serpents song Stargate SG1 2x19 One false step Stargate SG1 2x20 Show and tell Stargate SG1 2x21 1969 Stargate SG1 3x01 Into The Fire II Stargate SG1 3x02 Seth Stargate SG1 3x03 Fair Game Stargate SG1 3x04 Legacy Stargate SG1 3x05 Learning Curve Stargate SG1 3x06 Point Of View Stargate SG1 3x07 Deadman Switch Stargate SG1 3x08 Demons Stargate SG1 3x09 Rules Of Engagement Stargate SG1 3x10 Forever In A Day Stargate SG1 3x11 Past And Present Stargate SG1 3x12 Jolinars Memories Stargate SG1 3x13 The Devil You Know Stargate SG1 3x14 Foothold Stargate SG1 3x15 Pretense Stargate SG1 3x16 Urgo Stargate SG1 3x17 A Hundred Days Stargate SG1 3x18 Shades Of Grey Stargate SG1 3x19 New Ground Stargate SG1 3x20 Maternal Instinct Stargate SG1 3x21 Crystal Skull Stargate SG1 3x22 Nemesis Stargate SG1 4x01 Small Victories Stargate SG1 4x02 The Other Side Stargate SG1 4x03 Upgrades Stargate SG1 4x04 Crossroads Stargate SG1 4x05 Divide And Conquer Stargate SG1 4x06 Window Of Opportunity Stargate SG1 4x07 Watergate Stargate SG1 4x08 The First Ones Stargate SG1 4x09 Scorched Earth Stargate SG1 4x10 Beneath The Surface Stargate SG1 4x11 Point Of No Return Stargate SG1 4x12 Tangent Stargate SG1 4x13 The Curse Stargate SG1 4x14 The Serpents Venom Stargate SG1 4x15 Chain Reaction Stargate SG1 4x16 2010 Stargate SG1 4x17 Absolute Power Stargate SG1 4x18 The Light Stargate SG1 4x19 Prodigy Stargate SG1 4x20 Entity Stargate SG1 4x21 Double Jeopardy Stargate SG1 4x22 Exodus Stargate SG1 5x01 Enemies Stargate SG1 5x02 Threshold Stargate SG1 5x03 Ascension Stargate SG1 5x04 Fifth Man Stargate SG1 5x05 Red Sky Stargate SG1 5x06 Rite Of Passage Stargate SG1 5x07 Beast Of Burden Stargate SG1 5x08 The Tomb Stargate SG1 5x09 Between Two Fires Stargate SG1 5x10 2001 Stargate SG1 5x11 Desperate Measures Stargate SG1 5x12 Wormhole X-Treme Stargate SG1 5x13 Proving Ground Stargate SG1 5x14 48 Hours Stargate SG1 5x15 Summit Stargate SG1 5x16 Last Stand Stargate SG1 5x17 Failsafe Stargate SG1 5x18 The Warrior Stargate SG1 5x19 Menace Stargate SG1 5x20 The Sentinel Stargate SG1 5x21 Meridian Stargate SG1 5x22 Revelations Stargate SG1 6x01 Redemption Part 1 Stargate SG1 6x02 Redemption Part 2 Stargate SG1 6x03 Descent Stargate SG1 6x04 Frozen Stargate SG1 6x05 Nightwalkers Stargate SG1 6x06 Abyss Stargate SG1 6x07 Shadow Play Stargate SG1 6x08 The Other Guys Stargate SG1 6x09 Allegiance Stargate SG1 6x10 Cure Stargate SG1 6x11 Prometheus Stargate SG1 6x12 Unnatural Selection Stargate SG1 6x13 Sight Unseen Stargate SG1 6x14 Smoke n Mirrors Stargate SG1 6x15 Paradise Lost Stargate SG1 6x16 Metamorphosis Stargate SG1 6x17 Disclosure Stargate SG1 6x18 Forsaken Stargate SG1 6x19 The Changeling Stargate SG1 6x20 Memento Stargate SG1 6x21 Prophecy Stargate SG1 6x22 Full Circle Stargate SG1 7x01 Fallen Stargate SG1 7x02 Homecoming Stargate SG1 7x03 Fragile Balance Stargate SG1 7x04 Orpheus Stargate SG1 7x05 Revisions Stargate SG1 7x06 Lifeboat Stargate SG1 7x07 Enemy Mine Stargate SG1 7x08 Space Race Stargate SG1 7x09 Avenger 2 0 Stargate SG1 7x10 Birthright Stargate SG1 7x10 Heroes II Stargate SG1 7x11 Evolution I Stargate SG1 7x12 Evolution II Stargate SG1 7x13 Grace Stargate SG1 7x14 Fallout Stargate SG1 7x15 Chimera Stargate SG1 7x16 Death Knell Stargate SG1 7x17 Heroes I Stargate SG1 7x19 Resurrection Stargate SG1 7x20 Inauguration Stargate SG1 7x21-22 The Lost City I n II Starship Troopers (Special Edition) Starship Troopers 2 Story Of A Kiss Strada La Strange aventure de Docteur Molyneux Street Of Love And Hope (Nagisa Oshima 1959) Street of shame (Akasen chitai) Streetcar Named Desire A Style Wars Suicide Regimen Sukces 2003 Summer Tale A 2000 Sunday Lunch (2003) Super 8 Stories Superman IV - The Quest for Peace Surviving the Game Swedish Love Story A (1970) CD1 Swedish Love Story A (1970) CD2 Sweetest Thing The (Unrated Version) Swept Away Swordsman III - The East is Red Sylvester - Canned Feud (1951) Sylvester - Speedy Gonzales (1955) Sylvester and Elmer - Kit for Cat (1948) Sylvester and Porky - Scaredy Cat (1948) Sylvester and Tweety - Canary Row (1950) Sylvester and Tweety - Putty Tat Trouble (1951) Sylvester and Tweety - Tweetys SOS (1951)
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