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True Confessions

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(radio) After two days in the California desert
in temperatures above 1 1 0 degrees,
President Kennedy is flying to Washington tonight
for a major speech on international economic policy
before officers and directors of the World Bank tomorrow morning.
Bill Lawrence, ABC, Palm Springs, California.
- How are you? - May l help you?
l'm Father Duarte, the assistant pastor.
- l'm looking for Monsignor Spellacy. - And who might you be?
- l might be his brother. - Mr Spellacy! Eduardo Duarte.
l'm helping the monsignor out until he's a hundred per cent.
- He's not a hundred per cent? - Just a matter of time, Mr Spellacy.
As soon as l fix the carburettor on the car, l'm gonna repaint the thermometer.
We're having a building-fund drive. St Mary's will be the flower of the desert.
Hello, Tommy.
l'm sorry, Monsignor, for monopolising your brother. l just get carried away.
That's all right, Father Eduardo.
How are you, Tommy?
Father Duarte said you weren't a hundred per cent.
Ah, well, who is, Tommy? Who is?
Who is?
This morning after Mass, Mr McHugh comes to see me.
Nice man, Mr McHugh.
When you're a pastor, no one ever stops by to tell you everything is just swell.
When Mr McHugh stops by, it's not to help Father Eduardo paint the thermometer.
No, no.
He tells me that his daughter, a nun, is leaving the convent
- to become a professional bowler. - What?
l'm not kidding - a professional bowler.
l didn't know they had alleys in the convents these days.
So l, uh... said to him l'd say a Mass for her.
Maybe that'll help her bowl a perfect string.
How are you, Des?
Oh, it's a well-known fact the lrish have more haemorrhoids than other people.
Look, Des. l asked you a simple question. Give me a straight answer.
How are you?
l'm gonna die, Tommy.
You're not kidding.
The arteries to the pump are shot.
(? choir singing)
? Dominus vobiscum
? Et cum spiritu tuo
(? choir sings ''Ave Maria'')
(continues to celebrate Mass in Latin)
Handkerchief, Jack.
Cough drops.
..mysterium fidei,
qui pro vobis et pro multis effundetur in remissionem peccatorum.
Haec quotiescumque feceritis, in mei memoriam facietis.
(bell rings)
(bell rings)
? Dominus vobiscum
? Et cum spiritu tuo
(? choir sings)
- You need a new radiator. - l need a new car.
Got my eye on one, believe me.
An Olds 98. lf l hold up a gas station, maybe l can get a down payment.
Hello, fatty.
lt's been a while since l've been in a five-dollar cathouse.
l busted this joint once when l was in Vice.
They had a girl, l swear she had two left tits.
Let's go. LAPD.
Down at the right, on the end.
What do ya want for five bucks?
Hey... Been a long time.
This is quite a comedown from your place in Hollywood, Brenda.
l used to watch my girls do you, fatso.
- You never took off your pants. - lf l did, they'd be standing in line.
- Why'd you call? - Down here.
- Tom, you wanna play carnival? - l don't know that one.
l sit on your face and you try to guess my weight.
(Brenda) Heart attack, when he was committing a mortal sin.
- Still warm. - Yeah.
A priest.
A pastor, no less.
St Bernadette's in Redondo Beach.
l know him. Father Mickey.
Mickey Gagnon. St Bernadette's.
He used to run a swell game of bingo. What's he doin' in a joint like this?
Getting his ashes hauled is a good bet.
A whiz at bingo. A real pain in the ass at confession.
- Give. - l didn't take nothin'.
Give it to me... now!
lf you picked your nose, he'd give you a rosary for penance.
A swell pair of shoes.
Here you go, come on.
- How long was he here? - lt was the second one that did it.
What were you thinking?
lt's gonna make a big hit with your brother, the monsignor.
(? band plays)
She looks like a jelly doughnut, doesn't she?
That's hardly a judicious thing for a lawyer to say about a young bride.
Wearing white with something already in the toaster.
Jack, l wanna tell you. That's a little girl who'd bring a tear to her father's eye.
He was talking about the colour of her dress. Off-white, l think you said, Dan?
Jack, you're not losing a daughter, you're gaining a bathroom.
- Did the cardinal like the wedding? - He's sorry he had to leave.
- He's getting on in age. - He looks a hundred, if you ask me.
When he goes, we know who we'd like to replace him, right, Jack?
- How about some dessert? - Sure.
How'd you like all the flowers, Monsignor?
- Very nice. - Set me back four grand.
That's a lot of goddamn roses. And every one will be in a Catholic hospital tonight.
lf you got any left over, Jack, there's the orphanage.
- How's the champagne, Monsignor? - Vintage.
French vintage. None of that California shit. Excuse my English.
Hey, l'll send you a case. His Eminence, too.
The cardinal ever go to the track? Maybe he'll be my guest. l'll give him some tips.
lf Jack gives you a tip, you can bet the Sistine Chapel on it, Des.
That's how l met the monsignor, Counsellor. At Santa Anita.
l gave him a tip. Orchestra Leader. Fourteen to one, huh?
That's right.
- You got a way with long shots. - He won by six lengths.
- Did he? - Yeah. You want some more champagne?
Hey, you!
You two talk while l make sure everyone's having a good time, huh?
l'm fine, thank you.
Fourteen to one, huh? Must have been a boat race.
Of course. That's why you could bet the Sistine Chapel on it.
(Tom) You look like shit.
How's your wife?
She left... with her tuna-fish casserole recipe. Her one dish.
And your brother, the monsignor?
l used to listen to him on the radio, when l was in the joint. The religious hour.
l bet he said a novena for you every time you and l screwed.
What's on your mind, Brenda?
You ever notice how when you get old your feet swell up?
l started noticing things like that in the joint.
Your feet swell up, your toenails get ridges...
Well, maybe you oughta write a book about it.
You ever tell your brother in confession that Jack was paying you off?
Or maybe he doesn't know what a bagman is.
They don't teach them things like that at the seminary.
What are you trying to say?
You ever wonder why Jack fixed it so that you didn't get indicted and l did?
Jack wouldn't know me if he saw me.
Forget you. lt was all that business he was doing with your brother.
All those Catholic schools he was building. You couldn't go on trial.
So he put in the fix downtown. Somebody had to take the fall. Me.
Anything else?
Yeah. Get that stiff outta here. Once a bagman, always a bagman.
Sorry about that.
- You know my temper. - l need you like l need another fuck.
(? band plays)
Jack's got this grand new development, Des. Rancho Rosa, it's called.
He wants to give a little piece to His Eminence for a school. lsn't that grand?
- Rancho Rosa? - Mm.
l hear he's having trouble selling his lots. The city won't put a school in.
- ls that true? - My God, you're suspicious.
- Peg? - Monsignor.
- Mrs Campion, how are you? - lt was a beautiful Mass.
l wanted to thank you for everything. lt's a beautiful wedding.
l wanted to tell you how much l appreciate all your... patience and time.
lt was an honour and l, uh...
l know that you'll be very happy, Georgette. l'm sure of that.
- Monsignor, you know why l got married. - Yes, l do.
But l wouldn't worry about it. l think it'll be fine.
l think you've done the right thing. And you have my blessing.
Thank you, Monsignor.
Sonny's gotten awful grand since he became a supervisor.
l remember when you could rent him by the day.
After being turned down everywhere else, Jack makes this generous offer to us.
- What would you call that, Des? - l'd call that a pair of grape scissors.
Have some champagne. Try that chocolate stuff, too.
Not the peanuts. Bad for the bowels.
l think l'll just have this.
l hear Jack's overextended. The banks want to call in his paper.
Ohh... You're a cool one, Des, you really are.
All right. Maybe l can persuade Jack to let his company build the school at cost.
- How's that? - Very nice.
You know what would even be nicer? lf you threw in your fee from Jack.
Looks like a leprechaun, thinks like an Arab.
Hey, look out!
- Hey, Des. - Hi, Tommy, how are you?
- Good. - Nice to see you. Sit down.
- Nice picture of Ma. - Yes, isn't it?
Why don't you visit the next time l go? She'd like to see you.
Last time, she talked to me about how much time l'll spend in purgatory.
Life plus 99 years.
She still eating cereal with her fingers?
Ma thinks the early martyrs didn't have spoons in the catacombs.
Well, tell her they didn't have lnstant Cream of Wheat, either.
You look good.
l can't complain. l got my health, my wealth.
What about yourself?
l can't complain. His Eminence gives me a lot of work, but otherwise l'm OK.
l can see that.
That's a sweetheart.
l hear you fixed him up with an audience with the Pope.
l made some arrangements, yeah.
l bet you did.
He ever tell you about Dominic LoPresti, that little ginzo?
He tried to move in on Jack's construction business.
So he sticks him in a laundry dryer over at Lincoln Heights.
- Shrinks the poor bastard to 21 pounds. - ls that a fact?
l don't know the Holy Ghost for a fact, but you're in the Holy Ghost business.
So you tell me about the Holy Ghost, l believe you.
Which means that l should believe you.
No. Meaning... you wanna fall into shit and think it's clover, then don't believe me.
Tom, l have to go.
- You know Father Gagnon? - Yes, l do.
He's the pastor at St Bernadette's.
A whiz at bingo, they tell me.
Well... Could've been a house call.
When was the last time you hung your pants over a chair making a house call?
That's not the way they teach it at the seminary.
He's out of there. That's all that counts.
l'll have to tell the cardinal.
Give him a great sendoff. Candles, incense, the works.
l owe you one. Lunch?
As long as your boss picks up the tab.
- Thanks, Tom. - See you later.
(car starts)
She had a nice pair of charlies. You don't often see a set of charlies that nice.
(Tom) A lot of good they're gonna do her now.
How long has she been dead?
Uh... 10... 1 2 hours, maybe. l don't know.
- l think the butler did it. - Don't you ever get tired of saying that?
Let's see the other half.
Hear the fights last night? Mercury Johnson, Vinnie Avila. l was there.
Like punching fog, trying to hit Mercury. Vinnie should've had a tyre iron.
- He was supposed to go in the water. - He did. l got wet, ninth row ringside.
Make sure you get some tight shots on that tattoo.
lt's a nice touch, huh? Rose tattoo.
There's another nice touch. They found a candle stuck up her joy trail.
Ask your brother, the monsignor, what it means, a church candle there.
Des has got an answer for everything.
l got it, Tommy.
Get the tattoo. Did you get the tattoo?
- l'm gonna take another. - Terrific.
You got something for the first edition, Tom? Looks like a werewolf got to her.
- Or a vampire. - Well, that's an angle, Howard.
You mentioned the monsignor, Tom. He's very tight with the cardinal.
lt would be a wonderful story if His Eminence said the funeral Mass, Tom.
l can get him an exclusive on what it all means, the death of this cunt.
Howard, we don't have an lD yet, so we don't know if she's a Catholic cunt or not.
- We can work that out later, Tommy. - lf you want the cardinal, it's a factor.
l don't see any blood. You cut somebody in half, there oughta be a little blood.
Well, she was probably cut somewhere else. Probably in a bathtub.
- One stretcher. - Don't give me a hard time.
- l don't care what you wanna do. - (whistles) Hey, what's goin' on?
This asshole wants her on two stretchers.
- Because she's in two fuckin' pieces. - l'm telling you, it's one fuckin' body!
And if she was in 1 4 pieces, you'd want 1 4 stretchers.
- That's what l'm tellin' ya, asshole. - Hey, all right, hold on.
Do as he says. Two stretchers.
l hope this broad leaks all over the goddamn grass!
And get me a list of sex crimes with the same MO.
(man) That'll take a while, Sergeant.
What do you mean? She was cut in two.
Do you think it's an epidemic, like the flu?
(Mexican music )
l feel such a damn fool.
Steve, l think we better go.
Your Eminence.
Vaya con Dios.
l never could stand that man. Mea culpa... mea culpa.
Tell me, Desmond, this proposal from Mr Amsterdam to give us land for a school.
- What does he want to get out of it? - l suspect solvency.
How many contracts have we let to the Amsterdam Construction Company?
Over the last few years, about, um... lt's been about 1 7 million dollars.
lt would have cost around 22.
Mm-hm. For someone not so anxious to buy a good name.
lt's wonderful, isn't it?
lt makes it easy to believe in the infinite power of repentance.
l keep hearing stories.
Mm. About shortages.
Mm-hm. And other things.
Ah, yes.
Once the Rancho Rosa situation is resolved,
we should re-evaluate Mr Amsterdam's contribution to the archdiocese.
Perhaps we should think about phasing him out.
l see.
Vaya con Dios, huh?
l see.
Ah! Nothing like a stiff for making me crave Chinese food.
- ls there something funny about that? - There's nothing funny about that, Frank.
Hey, who is your friend?
l busted this joint 1 4 times when l was in Vice.
- Now l eat in here all the time. - l can see why.
He's helping me build my motel in Culver City.
l retire in two years. You know what you get from the police after 20 years.
- lf you're smart, you get Chink partners. - Exactly.
You should be thinking ahead, too.
l'm not smart any more.
What about this girl?
What girl?
The one in two pieces, Frank.
Tyre marks. That's our best bet.
Which doesn't give us much.
More partners?
You know... you know who we're gonna pull in on this one?
Panty-sniffers, weenie-flashers, guys who fall in love with their shoes,
guys who belt their hog on the No.43 bus.
Think l'm gonna lose sleep over who took this broad out?
Pissing strawberries and cream, you think that.
She's a nine-to-five stiff, Tom. No overtime.
You know how we'll break this? One day they'll bring in a guy who ran a red light.
''l killed the girl'' he'll say. ''The girl with the rose tattoo on her ass.''
''Which one is that?'' we'll say. That's how we'll break it.
- What do you think? - About 300 grams.
- l missed it. - You're fired.
That's the fourth one in three days you've missed.
She sure looks better in one piece.
..and separation and loss of scalp, along with a skull fracture.
There appear to be wood splinters in the scalp lacerations...
Fazenda, Lois.
Fazenda... Polack?
Her brain tissue is macerated and dark red in colour.
Date of birth: February 10th, 1 926.
Makes her 22.
22 next Tuesday.
l don't think she's gonna blow out the candles.
Death occurred no later than 1 2 hours prior to discovery.
She also had undigested food in her stomach. Egg rolls.
- Oh, do it to somebody sideways. - Egg rolls. l analysed the food.
l have nothing against him personally, Your Eminence.
No, l know you don't, Seamus. But Desmond is a very good chancellor.
l think he's a better accountant than a chancellor, sir.
- Seamus was listing your shortcomings. - Oh, it's a long list, Your Eminence.
The monsignor learned it by heart when l was his curate.
l think l am owed an explanation
as to why l am being replaced as chairman of the building fund.
- Now, l'm owed that, eh? - Yes. Of course you are, Seamus.
We just felt that perhaps you, uh... couldn't take that much of a load.
We're very grateful to you, Seamus. Very grateful indeed.
l marvel at your energy, but... Excuse me.
l mean, a man of your years...
l'm a year younger than you are, Your Eminence.
Oh, you are, are you?
Well, the race is to the swift, huh?
We thought Monsignor Fitzgerald would take over the building fund.
l'm not fond of raising money, but l think it's idiotic to turn that job over to him.
- Now, now, now, Seamus. - His eyes twinkle.
You show me a priest whose eyes twinkle all the time and l'll show you a moron.
That's enough, Seamus.
But l cannot buy a new furnace, l cannot buy new desks for the school,
l can't even buy insurance for the car without his permission.
What's this we call that, Desmond?
- Central purchasing, Your Eminence. - Ah.
l see. Well, l thought the priority was saving souls.
l don't need you to tell me our priorities.
When l took over this archdiocese, it was virtually broke.
The banks now lend us money, due mainly to Monsignor Spellacy here.
Well, if he has his way, there'll be pay toilets in the rectory next.
Seamus... l've known you for - what is it? - 50 years now.
And you were always a pain in the neck.
Now, you've had your say. Good afternoon.
Nothing today without a reservation, l'm afraid.
Monsignor Spellacy's table.
l understood that Monsignor Spellacy was lunching with Mr Amsterdam.
Well, you made a mistake, fuckhead.
Right this way, sir.
- l'd like to talk to you. - OK, l'll talk with you soon.
- l'll have a better table soon, Monsignor. - That's perfectly all right.
l'll have a Rob Roy, straight up, twist. And, Tommy, what would you like?
A Schlitz, straight up, no twist... as long as His Eminence is paying.
(plates clatter)
- l'm so sorry, Monsignor. - That's all right.
- The usual, Monsignor? - Yes, please.
- Tommy, what would you like? - Well, the usual will be fine for me, too.
- Whatever it is. - You'll find out.
His Eminence was very grateful for what you did for Father Gagnon.
lt's nothing. Any time, any time.
Oh, yes, l saw this before.
lt's a very nice photo.
You get your face in the paper often enough, Des, for a priest.
- For a Mick priest from Boyle Heights. - No, you always were a harp with class.
What will you call yourself when you become pope?
l don't know. l thought about it. Maybe l'll call myself Gelasius ll.
lt has a nice little ring to it, don't you think?
Or it could be something simpler. Thomas, after you.
There's never been a Pope Thomas. Thomas l.
Thomas l, l like that. lt's nice and common.
A constant reminder to me that the flesh is weak.
Don't give me that pious crap. Not after that raffle at the Holy lnnocents last year.
Fixing it so that Sonny O'Meara's daughter got that new Studebaker.
No wonder you gave him such a big hello.
What did you get out of that?
Sonny's vote on the planning commission.
lt got the property condemned for the new school at Holy lnnocents.
lf you'd mentioned Cornelia Cronin, you'd have saved yourself a Studebaker.
Corky, they call her.
She's a bookkeeper for him and she broke her back on Sonny's boat
when Mrs Sonny was making a retreat.
He prays better on a boat, Sonny, is what l hear.
Corky gets $500 a month for life...
- Excuse me, sir. - ..for the limp.
- This is on my tab, waiter. - Yes, sir.
lt's all right, Jack.
No, Monsignor. Your money's no good here.
l'm sorry. Jack, this is my brother, Tom.
- Jack Amsterdam. - How are you?
l haven't had the pleasure.
He's got the family resemblance. That's nice.
lt's nice to have an older brother. l wish l'd had an older brother.
l don't hear from you about Rancho Rosa.
We're doing some new surveys, Jack. We'll talk about it soon.
l see. His Eminence get the invitation to my fund-raiser at St Veronica's?
- Tell him l'm counting on him. - l will.
- Nice to meet ya. - Likewise.
He's a winner, your brother.
And only the winner goes to dinner.
l like that. You hear that, Monsignor?
Only the winner goes to dinner. Runs in the family, brains.
l used to work for you.
Oh, yeah? When was that?
When you ran whores, l was your bagman in Wilshire Vice.
l did the payoffs for Brenda.
l'm sure you remember Brenda.
Of course, that was before you started doing fund-raisers for St Veronica's.
l gotta be going. Your brother is a little disturbed. You oughta watch out for him.
Any messages for me?
(Frank) Hey, Tommy.
- How are ya? - Good.
Anything for me?
l want you to check out all the butcher shops, knife shops and medical suppliers.
Jesus, Tom.
(phone rings)
Sergeant Spellacy.
Uh, could you hold for a minute, please?
- Check out the garages yet? - Know how many garages there are?
1 500.
Sergeant Spellacy, may l help you?
Yes, ma'am. We do want to find that girl's killer. And you are who?
Mrs Finley?
And you're from Culver City now, but you used to live in...
Guin, Alabama.
Now, l do what? l hard-boil an egg and l put it in the victim's right hand.
Would you please mess up your own desk, Frank?
l don't have to ask how lunch with the monsignor went.
Then l close the casket. l got that.
Then in seven days the murderer will confess. l've got that.
Yes, ma'am. lt's something you used to do in Guin, Alabama.
Yes, ma'am. Thank you, ma'am.
- You ever read the brassiere ads? - No.
l read 'em all the time. l can pick 'em out.
l walk down the street, l see a girl,
l see the straps through her blouse,
and l know it's a Latrique Playtex Breathe-Easy with matching garter belt.
That's a good thing to know, Frank.
- You wanna have a drink? - No, l'm goin' home.
- All right. Call me. - You bet.
(radio) ..the killer of the ''virgin tramp'' continues
as police of a dozen cities in California join the manhunt.
The victim, Lois Fazenda, was revealed by police to have been a romance-seeker.
? You'll wonder where the yellow went
? When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent
Langendorf bread...
- (children) ..Mother of God, pray for us... - (music on radio)
(Des) ..the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
(children) Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners,
now and at the hour of our death. Amen.
(Des) Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
(children) Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners,
now and at the hour of our death. Amen.
(Des and children recite ''Hail Mary'' three more times)
(Des) Glory be to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Ghost.
(children) As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end.
(Des) This programme is maintained only by your contributions.
At any sacrifice, it must continue.
This is Monsignor Spellacy thanking you
and inviting you to be with us daily as we pray the rosary for peace.
May the blessing of Almighty God, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost,
descend upon you and remain for ever. Amen.
(prays in Latin)
(Tom) Bless me, Father, for l have sinned. l accuse myself of impure actions.
l curse a lot, l got a bad temper,
and, uh...
ls that all?
The other day, l embarrassed my brother in public.
For these and all the sins of my past life, l am heartily sorry.
For your penance, say ten Hail Marys, ten Our Fathers and make an act of contrition.
(Des gives absolution in Latin)
- Go in peace. - Thank you, Father.
- (Tom) ls this the only one Vice has got? - (Frank) Yep.
What'd that guy say? She'd been an Arab extra at Warner Brothers, huh?
- ln Casablanca? - Right.
(Frank) Oh, Jesus. My God. Look at that.
You're spilling your coffee.
(Frank) Her parents are shipping the body back to St Louis.
(Tom) Right.
What a waste.
Who is that?
lsn't that the girl who gave Father Mickey the great sendoff?
(Frank) Lorna. Lorna Keane.
l paid to get half and half. l should get half and half.
But you only did half. You think this is a white sale?
- But she was... - Can l help you, Officer?
Here's your hat. Coat.
Now, come on. Let's go. Out. Hey, out!
- You make a good bouncer. - Thanks.
So... how are ya?
Swell. ln the pink. l've got a box at Santa Anita this season.
Listen, Brenda, l'm sorry about before. l got a little carried away.
- Truce? - Sure.
l wanna talk to that girl, Lorna. ls she around?
- l got rid of her. - Why?
l don't like priests dying in my house. lt's not good for business.
She made a stag film. You know where she went?
Well, maybe she went to New York. Why don't you ask Walter Winchell?
l wanna find out who made this film.
And l thought this was a social call.
A guy named Standard. Leland K Standard.
He uses a lot of my girls.
Lois Fazenda. Did you ever know her?
Any of your girls talk about a cutter?
Hard to find a girl that hasn't been cut. lt's part of the risk they take.
That's what l want to hear, a lot of deep shit about how tough it is bein' a hooker.
Come on.
All that time l was in the joint.
Never heard from you. Not once.
Brenda, what do you expect from me?
Could've sent a card.
l sent you a card. l sent you a Christmas card.
With Santa Claus on it.
All right.
- Standard. 207. - Right. Let's go.
(woman screams)
Open up! Police officers, LAPD.
- Open up! - Police department.
Open up! Police department.
Tommy, be careful!
Freeze, you son of a bitch!
Here, drink some water. Stop crying.
Blow your nose, all right?
- You all right? - l'm fine. He got away with my cuffs.
Put out an APB on that son of a bitch. Get some patrol cars to shake down the area.
- That wasn't Standard. - Then who the hell was it?
- Loan shark. How much did he owe? - Um, 4,000 not including the vig.
Here. That's Standard.
That's swell. Then where the hell is he?
- She says he's dead. l'm checking it. - Dead?
(Frank) What? Yeah.
Auto accident? A week ago Wednesday.
Son of a bitch totalled his car. Brand-new Ford.
DOA, General Hospital, 5.1 4am.
Who are you? What do you do?
Me? l do awful good French.
Do you remember why you became a priest?
l had a vocation.
That's what we all say, isn't it?
A vocation to love God, help the poor, solace the sick and dying.
ls that it?
Why do you still come back to me for confession after all these years?
- What do you get out of it? - lt's good for my soul.
But l have the sin of pride. l always have.
And l recognise it in you.
Because you like power.
You like to use power. l've told you that.
l agree with you, but how could you get things done without using it?
lf our business is saving souls, we need a place to save them.
Someone has to take care of that.
- So you're always saying. - l know, but... what other choice is there?
Well, l don't know.
But just don't sell yourself short.
Next time l ask you for a nine iron, give me a nine iron.
(man) Last time you birdied the hole with a seven, Dan.
Was l playing with you? Mind your own business, would you?
l keep reading about your brother, the policeman, Des,
in the newspapers about this ''virgin tramp'' business.
lt's the Virgin Mary they should be writing about. Don't you think so, Des?
That's right.
People are bored, the war's over. They need something to sink their teeth into.
But... he's a grand policeman. That's what they tell me.
ls he making any progress, l wonder?
We've got to unload Jack.
- Jack hasn't done anything illegal, Des. - No, only profitable.
lt's a full-time job, looking the other way. He's gotta go and that's it.
l don't think you want to get on the wrong side of him.
Why don't you leave that up to me?
Wasn't there a run-in recently between Jack and your brother, the policeman?
What about it?
You let Jack go now, what'll it look like? What about Rancho Rosa?
Forget Rancho Rosa. lt's not gonna happen.
That's gonna be very difficult, Des.
A little more difficult than it was for you to pension off Cornelia Cronin...
otherwise known as Corky.
That was a Christian thing to do, Sonny.
l might get Neddy Flynn to bid against Jack
on that contract for the orthopaedic wing of St John's Hospital.
Perfect. Neddy loves getting his bones broken, l hear.
Oh, no. There's lots of grand ways to handle it, Dan,
so as Jack's feelings don't get hurt, is what l mean.
We could give him a dinner.
Yeah... Catholic Layman of the Year.
That's grand. That's just grand.
- May l help you, young man? - Mrs Phil Spellacy. l know the way.
- Wait. She's receiving Communion. - May all your sons be Jesuits, Sister. Spiritus Sancti, descendat super te et maneat semper. Amen.
Who is that come in, Monsignor?
- ls that you, Tom? - Yeah.
Brought me something?
- Good to see you. How are you? - Bad breath, Thomas.
- Are you still constipated? - Every day.
The monsignor here recommends the castor oil.
And listen to the monsignor, Thomas.
You remembered my favourite colour. What's this orange bow on here?
He has grand grammar.
Always had to wash your mouth out with soap. The dirty words.
Ma, let's forget about that, OK?
Wouldn't it be grand if you had turned out to be a nun like the younger one?
l'm a priest, Ma. l think l'm a priest.
And a swell one, too.
Tom, has Moira received first Holy Communion?
About 1 2 years ago, Ma.
That's grand, Tom.
Spell out the holy days of obligation.
And start at the beginning. There's a rap on the knuckles if you don't.
What's the beginning?
- Well... lmmaculate Conception. - Try lmmaculate Conception.
(Tom sighs)
- l-m-m-a... - lmmaculate.
- That's the hard part. - ..c...
- Conception's easy if you know your C's... - Will you let me finish?
..u-l-a-t-e. OK?
- You're a much better speller now, Tom. - l hope so.
You used to have trouble with your vowels - A, E, l, O, U, sometimes Y.
Conception, Thomas. Mind your C's.
Hello, Sister.
A grand speller like yourself. l'll take you back to the chancery.
That's c-h-a-n-c-e-r-y.
Yeah, you're right.
l remember at Uncle Eddie's wake when Aunt Jenny asked Pa
what Uncle Eddie was really like after all because he knew him so well.
Pa looks down at Eddie's casket and looks up at Jenny and says
''Well, he was a good shoveller, Jenny.''
''Not a fancy shoveller, mind you, but a good shoveller.''
High praise from the old man.
One thing about the old man, he never missed a wake.
Free booze and plenty of it.
- Ever feel like doing something? - Sure, let's do that. Let's...
Maybe Saturday?
Saturday? l have my golf game on Saturday, but...
Oh... OK.
- l'll cancel it if it's the only day you have. - No, it's OK.
l won't interfere with your golf game.
- l'll change it. - No, just forget about it.
- Tommy, l can change it. - No. Just forget it. OK?
Another time.
But l just... l'll, uh...
Never mind.
lt would behove you, Seamus, to remember l'm running this archdiocese,
- not Monsignor Spellacy. - l respect that, Your Eminence.
lt's just that this archdiocese has become so... l don't know.
Every day l feel less like a priest
and more like an employee of a construction company.
l want you at that luncheon, Seamus.
(Seamus) l could pick up a few pointers about the cement business.
- Yes, Seamus. - As you wish, Your Eminence.
Sit yourself there, Desmond. Sit yourself.
l'm afraid he'll have to go.
- Do you mean... - l mean he'll have to be replaced.
Don't look as if you never heard the word before.
l think you're making a mistake, Your Eminence.
Oh, is that so?
l don't mean to be disrespectful, but l think that he's... a good priest.
He runs the best parish in the archdiocese and he's a good man.
Yes, of course he's a good man. But the fact is we need... younger pastors.
That's the long and the short of it.
Men who will do what they're told.
For the good of the Church.
For the good of Holy Mother Church, that's exactly what l mean.
So, uh... will you just find out what his needs are?
l'm sure you'll find a place for him, Monsignor.
And perhaps it will be a lesson to some of the other pastors.
- As you wish, Your Eminence. - (chuckles)
You know, you said that exactly like him.
You may as well know it now as never.
You'll find you'll have a few unpleasant things to do when you become a bishop.
You know, of course, there's an opening for an auxiliary bishop.
l've recommended you.
And l strongly suspect that Rome will accept the recommendation.
And then, perhaps, you'll find an ambitious young monsignor...
to do the dirty work for you.
- That's all, thank you. - Thank you, Your Eminence.
There's an opening for a chaplain at St Francis Hospital.
l can't think of anything better.
Well, there's the parish in the desert. St Mary's.
- But that's in the middle of nowhere. - l like the desert.
Well then, consider it done.
Thank you, Monsignor. Thank you.
- Goodbye, Monsignor. - Goodbye, Monsignor.
l'm sorry.
Goodbye, Desmond.
- Are you dating Sabu, the elephant boy? - No comment.
- When's the last time you saw him? - No comment.
- Here ya are. - Thank you.
Was that June Haver or June Havoc?
- l don't know. - l always get them mixed up.
My baby always wanted to be a movie star. She had the smile for it.
- She wore braces till she was 1 7. - She loved Bing Crosby.
- Going My Way was her favourite movie. - And a retainer after that.
Only at night, the retainer. Never, never, never on dates.
Ten o'clock she'd be home, date nights. Then she'd pop the retainer back in.
She wrote poems. See, that's the kind of girl Lois was.
She wrote this.
''Remember me...
and keep in mind a faithful friend is hard to find.''
''But when you are good and true,
trade not the good ones for the new.''
When did, uh...
- (father) Lois. - Lois.
How did you get ahold of this?
She left it... last time she was home.
- When was that? - Thanksgiving. She was up for a part.
Yeah, that's when it was.
l'd like to keep the poem, if you don't mind. Handwriting can be very useful.
- She might have written to the... - The son of a bitch that killed her.
Shit's gonna hit the fan.
l've been over his bills, and every bill on every phone where she lived for a year.
53 times she called him.
So he was screwin' her.
She did that a lot. That's what she did for a living, somebody said. So?
Does he make you nervous, Frank?
Have you thought about your brother, the monsignor?
l've thought about him a lot.
Sergeant Spellacy.
l'd love to see you drop him, but not on this.
- He was screwing her, wasn't he? - Yes, but he didn't kill her.
- We're gonna find that out, aren't we? - Jack's old.
- He's gonna die soon. He's got cancer. - Yeah?
- You didn't know that, did you? - No.
Well, check it out.
He shook hands with the Pope. How many pimps do that?
Well, that's some big deal.
He's crazier than you are. He's crazy enough to be dangerous.
Yeah? Well, thank you very much.
Well... just think of it as my going-away present.
l'm leaving town.
You're what?
- Yeah, l'm leaving town. - Why?
l did a scrape a couple of days ago. l made a mistake.
l nicked her. She haemorrhaged.
- Well, did she die? - Nah.
She's one of my old girls. She'll keep her mouth shut. lt's one of those things.
You never used to do scrapes, did ya?
lt happens. You get old.
So... where do you think you'll go?
Reno. l don't know.
l can give you a reference, or something.
l never had any trouble buying cops.
l just wanted to say goodbye.
lt's nice to have somebody to say goodbye to.
Who have l got? A lieutenant governor?
Am l gonna call him up and say ''Hey, remember me? You used to be a regular''?
(lrish accent) Pat says to Mike ''Why are you diggin' a hole?''
Mike says to Pat ''l'm not digging a hole. l'm digging the dirt and leaving a hole.''
Speaking seriously, l remember that day, and it was not so long ago,
when the creditors were banging at the doors of this archdiocese,
when, as the saying goes, we didn't have a pot to... spit in...
..when we had buildings to build, churches, schools, convents, hospitals,
and not a copper penny to build them with.
That was when His Eminence asked our designee as Catholic Layman of the Year
if he could help us out. l think all of you know what he said.
''Yes'' said Jack Amsterdam.
And if l might add a personal note...
Brenda was right.
Amsterdam was in St John's Hospital the night Fazenda was killed.
(Des) ..has promised to do, and that's beat me in golf.
Gentlemen, the Catholic Layman of the Year, Jack Amsterdam.
How's your drink? Scotch?
You'll never get a sash, Frank.
You're not a pimp. You gotta be a rich pimp to get a sash like that.
You're a cop, not a pillar of the community.
Don't worry about him... Jack?
- Monsignor, you being taken care of? - Sonny's getting our coats.
By the way... have you made a decision on Rancho Rosa yet?
We haven't, Jack, but we're gonna do some serious re-evaluation.
We should talk about it at another time.
- Des, how you doing? - Hi, Tommy. Good to see you.
- This is Dan Campion. - Right.
What l wonder is, if you were wearing this when you were banging Lois Fazenda.
- You're a real asshole, you know. - Jack! Jack!
- What are you doing? - Get back! Tommy, get back!
What the hell are you doin' jumpin' in there? Knock it off!
Knock it off!
(Campion) Get him out of here.
Come on, let's go.
Let go of me, will ya? Get your hands off me!
- You rotten bastard! - (Campion) That's enough!
Get out of my way.
You hear me? You son of a bitch!
Come on back!
All right, all right. Come on, Dan.
Corpus Domini nostri Jesu Christi custodiat animam tuam in vitam aeternam.
Corpus Domini nostri Jesu Christi custodiat animam tuam in vitam aeternam.
Corpus Domini nostri Jesu Christi custodiat animam tuam in vitam aeternam.
Too much wine in the chalice again this morning, Mr Toomey.
Yes, Monsignor. Sorry, Monsignor.
l don't need a stiff pick-me-up in the morning.
- Sorry, Monsignor. - lt's all right.
Now run along, boys.
Future missionaries, Des. Future of the Church, if you ask me.
God help the Church.
You know how to handle 'em. l don't think there's anything you can't handle.
What's on your mind, Dan?
A little breakfast. Creamed chipped beef on toast down at the Biltmore.
Sorry, no, l can't. l'm busy, Dan, today.
- Well, l can have a word with you? - Sure.
- Here? - Why not?
l was, uh... thinking about your brother, the policeman.
He's got a hell of a temper.
He was an altar boy, was he?
That wasn't his line, no.
l suppose he's still working on that girl's murder, the virgin something or other?
- Tramp. - That's it.
- You remember her, don't you, Des? - Remember who, Dan?
That girl.
We met her, don't you remember? You and l?
We were coming back from Del Mar last summer. We went to the track.
She was hitchhiking. We picked her up... gave her a ride, l mean.
She was Christian Science. You asked her about it.
She was sitting in the back seat.
Christian Science...
You mean the one who didn't know who Mary Baker Eddy was? That was her?
That's right.
Well, we...
We got to be friends, she and l.
Des, if it comes out we were friendly, it's gonna be embarrassing.
l was in San Diego the night she was killed.
Peg and l were at the regional meeting of the Knights of Columbus.
l'm clean.
You have to have a talk with your brother.
Des... it's Jack l'm worried about.
He knew her, too.
- We had a talk, Jack and l. - Oh, you did? Really?
l suppose you said l was a friend of Miss Fazenda's.
- l didn't put it exactly like that. - No, of course not.
- Jack thinks your brother's crazy. - He very well might be right.
Des, l'm 57 years old!
You're worried about getting your picture in the paper when you're questioned.
Just remember, Monsignor. You were there when we met her.
Yes, we met her. You fucked her.
She really got around the archdiocese, your pal with the tattoo.
The lawyer, right? The Catholic Layman of the Year?
She comes home from the track with the monsignor himself.
There's gonna be an awful lot of red faces if this policeman does his duty.
That wasn't the only reason l came to see you.
Sure, Des.
- l'm sorry you don't understand that. - Well, whatever you say.
l just wanna... wanted to also talk.
- Why is that? - Because you're my brother.
lf l can't talk to you, l can't talk to anyone.
Something's gotta change in my life. l'm not...
l'm tired of fixing things. l'm tired of, uh... being involved with...
- Wanna eat something? A piece of pie? - No, l don't want anything.
Watch your heads.
Come on, girls, let's go.
lt was just a way of making a buck, that movie. That's all it was.
l never even saw it.
What about her?
l never even saw her before that movie.
And l never saw her since.
All l remember is that tattoo.
She said she got it from some guy down in Long Beach.
Didn't cost her nothin', just a piece of ass.
Boy, did Standard like that tattoo.
He was a freak, Standard. He belonged in a zoo.
Where was the zoo?
Out in El Segundo. An old army barracks.
lt was like a goddamn freak show out there.
(Tom) All right, look at this.
(Frank) Mm. That's Standard.
When did he die...
compared to when she died?
- (Frank) lt's the night before. - He had 1 1 hours to kill her.
Son of a bitch. He killed her, dumped her at the lot, then he totals the Ford.
Son of a bitch.
(phone rings)
Sergeant Spellacy, Homicide.
Where are ya?
l'll be right there.
- What happened? - Gas.
She just turned it on. She had enough gas in her room to blow up half of East LA.
lt's over here.
That's it.
One of the girls said the last person she called was Jack Amsterdam.
l don't know what she wanted, but l'd say she didn't get it.
- Let's get him, Frank. - She's a suicide.
- Then we'll get him for the Fazenda girl. - Standard killed her.
- You know Jack didn't do it. - His lawyer will get him off, won't he?
You can't do it. You're just trying to settle up an old score.
lt's your brother's ass, too. Are you tryin' to prove that he's just like you? He is.
(prays in Latin)
- (coughing) - (Des continues)
- Are you all right? - Cut the crap. l don't have all day.
lt's been 20 years since my last confession. l had a lot of things to do.
- You're not gonna say anything? - You're supposed to tell me.
Well... l'm a married man,
but l gotta admit l knew a few girls in my time.
Nothing else?
- l got into some arguments. - How do you define arguments?
- Who the hell are you to ask? - l'm your confessor.
Yes, in here, but you wheel and deal out there.
- You're in here now. - Yeah, l know.
- ls that all? - Yeah, that's all.
- Are you sorry for your sins? - Sure, l'm sorry for my sins.
Pray a rosary and make a good act of contrition.
l don't know why you did that to me. l thought we were friends.
You did that Rancho Rosa deal, then you paid me off with that green sash.
And another thing, about your brother... Spiritus Sancti. Amen. Go in peace.
Open that screen. Open it up!
You keep him off my fuckin' back. He's trying to drop that whore on me.
l can't help it if he was on the take. Nobody twisted his arm.
You tell him it'll be your ass in the sling.
Not mine, l'm clean. Not his, yours.
You're a priest. A priest!
And you knew that whore and you never told anyone.
You ask your brother how that's gonna look in the newspapers.
Who absolves you?
Huh? Who absolves you?
l got a family. There's a scholarship named after me.
l met the Pope, for Christ's sakes!
You understand, you hypocrite?
(Des prays in Latin)
What are you doing giving absolution to that Mick pimp?
- l wanna know that. - (Des sighs)
- You want me to hear your confession? - l've got nothing to tell.
Oh, yeah, all right.
Your pal, Jack, is kinda in the shit is the reason l'm here. We're gonna pick him up.
l don't want to embarrass you or the cardinal.
He's in a state of grace and l'll let him enjoy it. All right?
l thought you'd want to be prepared. l won't do anything behind your back.
Yes, thank you.
Thank you very much.
This is for the Fazenda girl?
Yes. He passed her around like a piece of candy while you were out playing golf.
- Did he do it? - Catholic Layman of the Year.
- Did he do it, Tommy? - Highest honours...
Tommy, did he do it?
l don't care whether he killed her! l don't give a shit!
l just don't care!
That's it.
And l don't care whether you go down with him or not.
Neither do l.
(Tommy leaves)
(whispers) Neither do l.
Give us a break, fellas, give us a break.
l'm gonna die, Tommy.
The arteries to the pump are shot.
Sit down.
lt's all right. l'm ready.
As they say, my bags are packed.
l'll, uh...
l'll sing...
l'll sing an lrish song at your funeral.
With my voice...
l'll wake you up again.
lt's OK.
lt must have been hard, Des.
No, it wasn't.
l never had a great gift for loving God,
and Seamus told me that that was... not a drawback
as long as l could make myself useful.
He taught me the meaning of being a priest.
And there's a kind of peace in that.
lt's my fault, Des, all of it. Every bit of it. l'm sorry.
No, Tommy. You were my salvation actually.
You made me remember things that l had forgotten.
l thought l was someone who l wasn't.
l saved a plot over there.
l hope when the time comes that...
Out here? ln the middle of all this goddamn sand?
l don't know. l don't know. (laughs)
l tell you, it's, uh...
l guess it's, uh...
l guess one place is about as good as another.
(Tom) This is it. (laughs) This is it.
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