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Ugly Dachshund The CD1

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[Fanfare plays]
[Up-tempo music plays]
[Rooster crows]
7-8-9, uh... 7-8-9...
Fran, I'm calling the doctor. Everything all right?
FRAN: Yes, dear, but we'd better hurry.
Yeah, all right, honey, just remain calm.
DR. PRUITT: Hello?
- Hello? Yeah, Doc... - Hello? Who's calling?
Hang on just one second.
DR. PRUITT: Hello? Hello? Who is this?
Doc, it's Mark Garrison.
- I hate to wake you up but... - Is she feeling any pain?
Yeah, it's starting. She thinks it'll be pretty soon now.
DR. PRUITT: I think you'd better get over here.
We're on our way, Doc. Thanks.
DR. PRUITT: Bye, Mark.
Hey, honey, I got Doc Pruitt.
I'm gonna bring the car around front.
FRAN: All right, dear.
Morning, Mr. Garrison. You're up pretty...
[Engine revs, tires squeal]
[Tires squeal]
Take it easy, now... steady.
I'll get the door for you, Mr. Garrison.
No, I got it.
So this is the morning, huh, Mrs. Garrison?
Don't worry about a thing, Mrs. Garrison.
Just let me know when you want to hike your order.
[Tires squealing]
You're not worried, are you, honey?
No, but I wish we were there.
[Engine revs]
Only a couple minutes more now, honey.
[Siren wails]
Oh, boy.
That's just great.
Mark, we can't stop now.
The hospital!
[Siren wails]
Well, now, that's what I call service.
[Tires squeal]
Okay, on the ball! We got a special delivery.
All right, let's get going! Come on, go get a stretcher.
Well, how do you like that?
[Engine revs]
Be careful, sweetheart.
All right, what's the big i...
Oh, Officer, I can't thank you enough.
We never would have made it in time without you.
Yeah, thanks a lot, Officer.
Oh, Dr. Pruitt!
Now, now, everything's going to be all right.
Don't worry. I'll take her.
[Door closes]
- A dog? - [Whistles]
Well, yeah. Yeah. I thought you knew, Officer.
You see, this is the first time my wife's had pups.
I mean, the dog has had pups, and I... she gets...
[Both laugh]
- Well, how do you like that? - Yeah, yeah.
[Laughter continues]
Boy, wait till the boys hear about this one.
A dog. [Laughs]
I certainly appreciate everything you've done, Officer.
My wife was pretty nervous.
You know how women get at a time like this.
Yeah, don't they always?
Yeah. Couldn't see it myself... coming to the hospital and all.
Way I remember it, dogs were, uh...
they had their puppies at home in a...
in a basket or a closet.
Yeah, mine had hers in a bureau drawer...
right in my shirts.
- Is that a fact? [Chuckles] - Yeah.
How about that?
Thanks for your trouble, Officer.
No trouble at all. Now, just a minute here, now.
Let's see what we got here. We got 60 in a 35...
- Now, wait a minute, I don't... ...crossing a center line...
- I followed it around, honest. ...running a boulevard stop...
I did stop! I did, I did!
No, sir, you only slowed down.
We got doing 50 miles an hour in a hospital zone.
Well, I'm sure I wasn't doing any more than, uh, 40.
- 40? - Yeah.
40 miles per hour in a 25-mile zone.
Do you have a driver's license, sir?
- Oh... - [Laughs]
- Left it home. - Yeah.
It's understandable in an emergency like this.
By golly, a fellow gets up in the morning,
puts the first clothes on he can find, never checks his pockets.
- [Laughs] Happens every time. - Mm-hmm.
No operator's license.
This your car, sir?
Well, of course it's my car.
What's your name, sir?
Mark Garrison.
Your address?
336 North Bowling Green Drive.
- Your business address? - The same.
I work at home. I'm an artist.
Engine number?
Engine number?!
Now, why in the world would I know the engine number?
Okay, it's your car. I'll take your word for it.
- [Chuckles] - [Sarcastically] Thanks.
Sign here, please.
You forget something, maybe?
"No... parking."
I'd move the car, Mr. Garrison. [Laughs]
FRAN: Oh, wonderful, Doctor!
Mark! Mark, we made it just in time!
Danke had a puppy.
Oh, that's great, honey. That's just great.
[Motorcycle engine turns over]
FRAN: Bye!
Oh, wasn't he sweet?
You know, Mark, policemen must have
a benevolent fund or something.
Couldn't we give a donation?
I'm giving, honey. Believe me, I'm giving.
Mrs. Garrison? Two more... I think that'll be all.
Mark, three puppies... I can't wait to see them!
I'll be in as soon as I move the car.
- When can we take them home? - Tomorrow.
That'll give the pups a chance to get a good start.
All right.
- Hey, Doc? - Hmm?
Those three puppies... all females, right?
Yeah, right.
My luck's holding.
[Car door closes]
[Engine turns over]
Gertrude Van Dankelein.
[Clicks tongue] Ugh.
Martha Van Dankelein...
You call me, honey?
Oh, no, I'm just trying to think of names for the puppies.
What's the hurry?
They have to be registered so they can get their papers.
You can't begin to get them in shows
until you get their papers.
And you laughed when Jim Carstairs
enrolled his son at Yale the day after he was born.
Winifred Van Dankelein...
- [Yawns] - Matilde.
[Sighs] It's been a long day, honey.
I mean, a very long day.
Hildagarde, Dagmar, Ermentrude.
Good night, love.
Huh? Oh, good night, honey.
Mark... what do you think of these...
Freda, Esmerelda, Ludmila?
Daphne, Dora, Diana?
Yes, dear.
Isolda, Alberta, Brunhilda?
Heidi? Clotilde? Wilhelmina?
Don't question it, Doc.
I want to get some sleep tonight.
Huh? Get... oh, yeah, I get it. [Laughs]
Are the pups ready?
Yeah, I'll get them for you in a minute.
There's one thing I've got to do first.
- All right, no hurry. - [Laughing]
Clotilde... oh, my, my.
[Barking, yipping]
Quiet, quiet.
Okay, girl.
Great Dane, huh?
[Muffled grunting]
Easy now, easy now, fella.
Easy now. Easy now, little fella.
Easy now. I got you.
I've got you.
That's my idea of a real dog.
Ah, the greatest.
And Duchess there
is the best Dane I've ever owned.
- She's yours, huh? - Uh-huh, she sure is.
Just between the two of us, Doc,
I'd give my back teeth to have a dog like that.
Okay, all right, all right.
- [Yipping] - All right, don't get excited.
I'm getting to you.
Okay, all right, take it easy, take it easy.
Yeah. All right.
All right.
All right, come on, now. Come on, come on.
What's the matter with this one?
Oh, nothing yet, nothing yet. [Chuckles]
Looks like he's not hungry.
Oh, he's hungry, all right.
He's just not taking to the formula, that's all.
All right, come on.
Why don't you put him back with his mother?
No, no, that wouldn't work.
Why not?
Well, it's a case of too much litter and too little milk.
Duchess just picked him out and pushed him away.
Pushed him away? Her own pup?
Well, they do that sometimes.
It's funny, the tricks nature plays, huh?
Now, you take that dachsie of yours, Danke.
- Oh, she's got too much milk. - Yeah.
Why, she could feed her three pups and...
- Uh, oh, no, no, Doc. - Oh, well, now...
just so the dachsie could wet-nurse him?
Mnh-mnh, not interested, sorry.
Oh, no, wait, don't get me wrong, now.
I'm not trying to sell him.
I'd be glad to give him away just to keep him alive.
No, no, absolutely not, Doc. Mnh-mnh.
Well, I guess you're right.
No place for a Great Dane
with a family that likes dachsies, anyway, huh?
Here, see what you can do with him.
- Well, d... - I'll go get your pups.
- [Barking softly] - Oh, well, okay.
One drop at a time.
Oh, yeah, okay.
Well, now, wait, wait. Hold on, there, fella.
Hold on, there. Come here, come here.
Hey, come on, take some of this, now.
Come on, now, get it down.
That's one.
[Horn honking]
Oh, Mark, I thought you'd never get here!
Fran, wait just a minute.
Oh, Danke, I bet you're glad to be home again, huh?
Look, Fran, there's something I have to tell you.
Oh, my three little darlings...
- [Barking softly] - Danke!
- Mark, she had another puppy. - [Chuckles]
- Well, yes, sort of. - Why didn't Doc Pruitt call us?
Uh, well, he... honey, this dog here...
Oh, isn't she funny-looking?
She's a he.
What do you mean, funny-looking?
- Well, different... - Well, yeah, it's different.
But, well, I guess it's because he was born later, huh?
Mark, it's getting too chilly for the puppies out here.
Why don't you bring them in? I'll warm some milk for Danke.
Fran, honey, I have to tell you this...
You know, Mark, you really ought to be nicer to Danke now.
- Why? - For having a boy puppy.
He's what you always wanted, isn't he?
Yeah... he sure is.
Come on in, fella. Dinner's ready.
Butch! Come here, Butch! Come here, fella!
[Dogs barking softly]
Hi, how are things in the nursery?
Good, good.
Mark, do you think that puppy's all right?
Which one?
The male. Something seems wrong to me.
Well, what's the matter with him?
Haven't you noticed his head and his feet
are all out of proportion?
Mark, he is positively ugly.
Well, I... I wouldn't say that he was ugly.
Well, I suppose he'll change when he grows up.
Oh, yeah, yeah, he...
he'll change, dear, he certainly will.
Hey, what do you think it should be?
What do I think what should be?
His name. We gotta have a name for him.
Oh, I don't know. You pick it. I've run dry.
Yeah, okay. How about, um...
But, Mark, nothing like, um, Sport or Butch or Rover.
I mean, that dog has champion bloodlines.
Well, it should be a name with some kind of... dignity.
How about Brutus?
[Laughing] Brutus?
Yeah, that has dignity and nobility to it.
I mean, it has a... a... uh, solidity and strength about it.
It's, uh... Brutus.
You know?
I like that.
Well, it's up to you, dear, but, frankly,
it doesn't sound much like a dachshund to me.
Oh, no, no, it doesn't sound like a, uh...
Sounds like a champion, though.
[Telephone rings]
- Hello? - DR. PRUITT: Hello, Mark.
Oh, hello, Doc.
- How are the dachsies? - Well, they're just fine, Doc.
- And the Dane? - Yeah, no, he's great, too.
No feeding problems at all. No, no, no objections.
How's Mrs. Garrison taking it?
As a matter of fact, I haven't told her yet, Doc.
- She's not blind. - Well, I know she's not blind.
He must be getting pretty big by now.
I figure I've still got a couple of days.
They're not even out of the basket yet, Doc,
I want to give her a chance to like it, you know?
FRAN: Mark!
Um... uh, uh, uh, the preliminary sketches
I'm working on right now, Mr. Dayton,
and I should have them by the end of the week.
Thank you. I'll see you then. Bye.
Am I interrupting you?
Uh, no, no, dear, Nothing important.
Harry Dayton is a little nervous
about that cover I'm doing for his magazine.
Oh, is this it?
Uh, well, that's one of my ideas, yeah.
Why, those are the dachsies, huh?
- Uh-huh. - Well, that's sweet.
But, uh, what is that big thing
they're staring at so adoringly?
Well, that... that's a, uh...
I haven't decided yet, actually.
It's... it's a larger animal of some kind,
you know, for contrast.
Oh, yeah, that's... that's a good idea.
You know, a... a Great Dane might be effective.
- You really think so? - Mm-hmm...
but you should be using Danke and the puppies for models.
[Chuckling] They're a little too small for that yet, dear.
[Chuckling] Well, you haven't noticed
how fast they're growing.
Come on, girls.
Well, how about that? They're out of the basket.
And Brutus...
Well, will you look at him, huh?
Hey, look at the way he's...
...he's growing.
- [Fran chuckles] - Kind of like a weed, huh?
Or like a Great Dane.
Now, just hang on a minute...
Just hold on there, now, for a minute, Fran.
I can explain everything.
Like you've been explaining for the last couple of weeks?
"There's nothing wrong. He's not different.
It's just that he was born later."
- I didn't say that. You did. - Well, what do you say now?
You still gonna tell me that's a dachshund?
I didn't say that, Fran.
Not once did I say that was a dachshund.
No, no.
You were sneaky about it. You took advantage of me, Mark.
I never thought you could be that deceitful and sneaky.
Oh, now, come on.
You could have come out like a man
and told me you were gonna bring that dog home
instead of hiding it,
smuggling it in with the puppies, Mark.
Sneaky, sneaky, sneaky!
Okay, okay! I'm sneaky, but...
Mark, I really never thought that you could do something...
that... sneaky!
Well, If you'll give me just a minute, I'll tell you.
- I don't believe you. - You haven't heard me yet!
Well, I'm never gonna believe you again.
- Oh, I'm sorry. - Well, for goodness sakes.
I'll fix it.
- Fran... Fran, if I hadn't... - [Brutus yipping]
- Come here, little fella. - [Whines]
If I hadn't brought this poor little puppy home,
he would have starved.
- Starved? - That's right.
Came from a big litter, couldn't get enough to eat,
and... and, Fran, his own mother pushed him away.
- No! - That's right.
Oh, poor Brutus.
When Danke had her pups, well, she had too much milk, so, uh,
Dr. Pruitt asked if she couldn't wet-nurse him
till he was weaned, that's all.
I tell you, I... I just didn't have the heart to refuse,
I really didn't, and I'm sure you wouldn't have, either.
Oh, of course not.
Oh, poor Brutus,
I'm sorry for all the nasty things I said.
Then you agree I did the right thing, hmm?
Oh, Mark, don't you think I have any heart at all?
I'm sorry, darling, I should have known.
Then we can keep him, huh?
Certainly not. He's been weaned.
He and Doc Pruitt will get along just fine now, sweet baby.
Come on, Danke! [Claps]
- Come on, girls. - [Barking]
He's a fine little fella, Doc.
Hope you find a good home for him, huh?
- Hey, Doc? - Hmm?
His name's Brutus.
[Engine turns over]
- Mark? - Uh-huh?
Here's your lunch.
Oh, okay, just, uh, set her down there.
- How's it going? - Terrible, terrible...
haven't had a decent idea all morning.
Working, working away... nothing happening.
Four weeks and you're still angry, hmm?
Angry about what?
That is ridiculous!
You see? You see? You are angry.
Fran, I'm not a child, you know.
I mean, when I say I'm not angry, I'm not angry.
You forgot the cream.
Do you know how you have been acting lately, hmm?
So cold and distant.
You hardly ever talk to me, you never smile.
[Sighs] That bad, huh?
[Chuckling] Worse.
- I am a heel. - Mmm...
I apologize.
And I don't have any more problems about dogs.
- Okay? - Okay.
- [Whining] - Mmm... mmm...
To make it official, we are gonna spruce up tonight.
We're gonna go out on the town, we're gonna see a show,
gonna have dinner, put our glad rags on.
Well, I, uh, I have a class tonight.
Mmm, a class in what?
In grooming.
Are you kidding? You look beautiful.
Uh, for dachshunds.
Well, we could celebrate tomorrow.
You know, tomorrow is your birthday.
That's really something to celeb...
You're angry again, right? Huh?
No, I'm not angry. See, I'm smiling.
Okay, tomorrow it is.
But right now, why don't you get out of here,
let me eat my lunch, and get some work done, hmm?
[Barking, whining]
[Whining, barking]
Fran, I brought the car around front!
[Fran humming "Happy Birthday"]
Hey, what's going on? It's darn near 6: 15.
A birthday calls for champagne.
That's very nice of you, dear, but we don't have time.
They won't hold our table past 7:00.
Oh, we have plenty of time...
all evening... because we're staying home.
We're what?
I thought we'd have a private party of our own.
Yeah, but, honey, what about the reservations?
And I got tickets for the Philharmonic.
Oh, Mark, it'll be so much nicer here...
just us, so cozy.
Oh... [Chuckling]
On second thought, that's not a very bad idea.
[Chuckling] I thought you might say that.
To you, my dear.
Besides, we couldn't possibly celebrate
without the dachsies.
- [Coughing] - Oh, Mark!
Mark, are you all right?
Without the what?!
Well, Danke and the girls.
After all, Mark, it is a family affair,
and they are family.
They're dogs, honey!
- Mark, you know what I mean. - No, I don't.
- Look, it's my birthday, right? - Right.
That makes me king for the day, right?
Means I can do whatever I want to do, right?!
- Right. - All right!
I don't want to do anything with the dachsies.
Oh, Mark, now, I planned such a wonderful evening.
Don't spoil it.
You come over here, Mark, and you sit down.
You just relax, and... and you drink your champagne.
I'll be right back.
Come on, girl.
Hurry, now.
Come on. [Chuckles]
- That's it! - [Whining]
[Barking, yipping]
Come on, Danke.
You're holding up the party.
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday, dear Mark
Happy birthday to you
- Mmm. - All right, girls.
- [Growling softly] - Come on, now, line up. Go on.
Will you blow out your candle?
There, now your wish will come true.
Now you can open your presents.
Here, this one's from Wilhelmina.
Wilhelmina, well...
I wonder what could be in this necktie box.
[Fran chuckles]
Well, imagine that... a necktie.
She picked it out herself.
Well, uh, my favorite colors.
Goes with anything, doesn't it?
Uh, and this is from Heidi.
From Heidi.
[Whining, growling continue]
A soup spoon?
It's a pipe.
Here we go.
It's the latest kind.
Yeah... you should have told Heidi...
I stopped smoking two months ago.
Oh, I... I forgot.
Well, uh, this is from Chloe.
From Chloe, mm-hmm.
Well, let's see what we have here.
Just what I always wanted... a box.
Well, open it!
["Oh, Where, Oh, Where Has My Little Dog Gone?" plays]
Oh, that's the wrong tune.
Uh, the one in the store played "The Blue Danube."
this is from Danke.
From Danke? Well...
You like it?
I have no idea.
Well, don't you know what that is?
Should I?
Well, Danke didn't know what to buy you,
so she took her favorite bone and had it bronzed.
Well, Mark, you could use it for a paperweight.
A bronzed bone?
Well, don't you think that's a cute idea?
there comes a time in every man's life
when he has got to stand up and be counted,
and my time is right now.
Mark, if you're gonna count, count to ten.
I'm only gonna say this once, Fran.
I have had it with those walking wieners!
[Growling softly]
I have had it!
I was willing to put up with Danke.
"Danke this, Danke that.
Danke wins a two-cent piece of ribbon."
You'd think it was a Nobel Prize.
But I refuse to go through the same routine
with those pups. I refuse to...
I refuse to let them run my life.
I will not have it anymore, Fran.
Keep them out of my way,
or they're really gonna wind up sausages.
And thank you for a very happy birthday.
Now, just one minute!
Just one minute, Mark Garrison!
You are the most selfish, thoughtless, inconsiderate...
I'm selfish?!
...ungrateful man I have ever met!
That is the most ridiculous accusation that...
Will you get your whatever-it-ls off my bed?
I want to relax!
That just happens to be my birthday present to you,
and you can just move it yourself!
Well, thank you very much... for... for...
What in...
He... look at your hands!
Man, have you grown!
Oh, boy.
I, um...
...don't know how you put up with me.
I'm so blind.
FRAN: And selfish!
MARK: That's right, yes. FRAN: And nasty!
And mean.
And I just know I'm gonna hate myself.
Come on, Danke, we'll try on your sweater.
Oh, Brutus, now, you know better than that.
Go back where you belong. Go on. Go on.
- [Growling] - [Yipping]
Danke, come!
Come on.
That's my girl. Try on your sweater.
Yes, let's see if it fits, huh?
You'll be the prettiest girl on the whole block.
- Fran! - Hmm?
Burp a baby for me, will you?
Burp a baby. I need it for a sketch.
Are the hands this way or that way?
I don't know. I don't know, Mark.
Well, here, show me with Danke.
- Oh, Mark, come on. - No, it'll just take a minute.
Stand up, here. Stand up. Pat her.
There, that's the way.
- [Danke burps] - Gesundheit.
- [Laughs] - Yeah, that... that's, uh...
Hey, come out and pose for me, would you?
- It'll just take a second. - Oh, Mark, come on!
- I have to finish that sweater. - Just come out to the studio.
[Indistinct conversation]
[Barking, growling softly]
[Keys plinking]
[Keys plinking]
[Keys playing]
[Growling continues]
[Notes playing]
[Keys plinking]
[Muffled barking]
Oh, Brutus!
Mark, look what he's done.
Now, wait a minute... how do you know he did it?
You're not gonna blame it on those little angels, Mark.
Just look at them.
You can tell they had nothing to do with it.
One dog couldn't possibly have done all of this.
No, not normally one dog...
Besides, there's no real harm done, honey.
It's just a little yarn, that's all.
Just relax, now. I can pick it all up...
if I can find where it begins.
Uh, Look out!
Mark, don't move!
Mark! Aah!
[Sarcastically] Just... a little yarn.
- FRAN: One, two, three, smile! - [Brutus barking]
Oh, that is beautiful.
Hold still.
Hold still, Brutus.
Ready? One, two...
- [Barking] - What happened, you silly, huh?
Watch out. Watch out.
Oh, watch out.
- Come on, Danke, you look silly. - All right, all right.
Chloe, stay, stay. You're gonna slip. Watch it.
Everybody, smile.
- Ready? Now... - Get over here.
- Take a break, huh? - One...
- Wait a minute. Okay. ...two...
- Take it easy. - [Barking]
Oh, Brutus!
Mark, will you look what he's done?
Yeah, well, he just wants to play with them.
Oh, he always wants to play with them.
He won't leave them alone for a minute.
Do you think he really believes he's their brother?
- Well, I hope not. - [Doorbell rings]
Would you get that, honey? I want to finish this roll.
Mmm, yeah, yeah.
[Barking continues]
Come on, girls, come on.
Come on.
Well, good morning, Mr. Garrison.
You remember me.
Um... oh, oh, yeah.
$ 110 worth, in fact.
Yeah, you sure piled them up that morning, didn't you?
Yeah, I certainly did.
- You know something? - What?
So far, nobody in the department yet
has written that many violations in one day.
- Is that a fact? - I hold a record.
I'm certainly happy I could help you out there.
Is there something I can do for you, Officer, uh...
- Carmody. - Carmody.
- But it's, uh, Sergeant now. - Sergeant?
I'm not just on highway patrol anymore.
- No? - I'm on special detail.
- Uh-huh. - Now, have you noticed
any suspicious-looking characters around here lately?
Have you had any problems at night?
Uh, no, no. Why?
Well, there's been a lot of petty theft going on
in this neighborhood.
It looks like it's the work of one man.
We call him the "cat burglar."
You're supposed to say,
"Who in the world would want to steal a cat?"
- I am? - Well, everybody does.
Oh, well, I guess my sense of humor's not what it should be.
[Chuckles] But anyway, this fellow sneaks in,
grabs the first thing he can lay his hands on,
and sneaks right out again.
So you keep your eyes wide open.
Oh, I certainly will, yes, yes.
Uh, thank you for the warning, Offic... uh, Sergeant.
And it's been nice talking to you.
Yeah, it's been nice, uh... it's good to see you.
Give my regards to the missus.
Yes, yes.
And the family.
Arf! [Laughing]
- [Engine turns over] - "And the family." Ha!
Come on, now, Chloe, up you go.
Come on, that's my girl, yes.
Everybody, look at me now.
- [Whining] - Don't move, Brutus,
or you'll distract them.
Who was that, dear?
It was the police.
They're looking for a cat burglar.
[Chuckling] Isn't that silly?
Who'd steal a cat?
You know who that was out there?
Do you remember the cop on the motorcycle
that escorted us to the hospital?
Oh, that nice patrolman... Finnegan.
Yeah... no, no, Carmody, and he's a sergeant now.
Made sergeant on my money. [Chuckles]
Every time I think about that morning, I...
Brutus, no!
- [Dachshunds barking] - Oh, no...
Hey, what are you hitting me for?!
It took me 15 minutes to get them in that pose.
Now look what he's done.
Well, honey, it... it's just an old wheelbarrow.
Well, then you clean it up.
Come on, Danke, we'll go make lunch.
Come on, baby. Oh. That's my girl.
Hey, Fran! Look at this!
He's learned to... learned to fetch already!
Oh, marvelous, just marvelous.
Good boy. Let me have it now.
Let go of it, let go.
- [Growling] - Let go, Brutus.
Let go.
Let... let go of the wheel.
[Growling continues]
Brutus, let go of the wheel.
Let go...
Aah! Aah! Aaah!
Well, now, maybe you could stand a few improvements.
What happened?
Nothing. I just sat down in the lily pond, that's all.
I'm gonna change clothes.
Honestly, Mark, you're getting to be as clumsy as Brutus.
[Barking continues]
[Barking continues]
[Barking continues]
[Barking continues]
FRAN: Mark!
Well! Now are you satisfied, hmm?
Mark, are you satisfied?
Or are you gonna try and blame this on the dachsies, too?
- Why not? We always do. - Fran...
Of course, the fact that the little innocent things
are nowhere in sight shouldn't make any difference.
They must be responsible. They always are.
And poor, poor persecuted Brutus is blameless.
Of course, the fact that he has paint all over him
and paintings stuck on his feet
is merely circumstantial evidence.
- That doesn't prove anything. - Fran, will you shut up?
Oh, I'm sorry...
Fran, I...
I'm very sorry.
That's all right, Mark.
I excuse your rudeness
on the grounds that you are justifiably overwrought.
You needn't apologize.
But if you ever say "shut up" to me again, Mark Garrison,
neither I nor the girls will ever speak to you again.
Oh, boy.
Oh... boy.
$20 to scrape studio floor,
$23 to replace two broken windows.
$ 12 to repair easel.
What should I put down for one month's work ruined?
Fran, it was my work, and it was my studio.
All right, Mark.
Last week, it cost me $ 18 to repair my couch slipcovers
and $92 to replace my mother's broken vase.
Fran, Brutus is still a puppy at heart.
I know that, Mark. That is what worries me.
His career is just beginning.
- Well... - Now, Mark...
that dog is too destructive.
- He has got to go. - [Barking continues]
No, he isn't! For... shut up!
The puppy, shut up. Uh, Brutus. Uh...
Look, Fran...
- [Barking continues] - Brutus, will you be quiet?!
You hear me, Brutus? Be quiet!
Oh, don't waste your breath, Mark.
He's as stubborn as you are.
Well, I'll... put him out in the garage.
What did I do with that flashlight?
Come on! [Clapping]
Come on, come on!
Yes! Oh, here's my girls.
All right, everybody on the end of the bed.
Come on, it's time to go to sleep. Go on.
Go on, at the end of the bed.
Oh, now, don't be silly. Come on.
There you are. Oh, stop it, girls.
No, girls, don't do that.
Oh, just calm down, now.
- [Barking continues] - Brutus, no!
Aah! Ooh!
[Dogs barking]
- Oh! - Come here, Brutus.
Come here. Come here, now.
Honey, are you okay?
One new bed... $200!
All right, I... I give up.
He goes back to Doc first thing in the morning.
Come on, Brutus.
- [Crickets chirping] - Wait a minute, now.
Hold it, Brutus.
Why couldn't you have been good for something?
Now, go on in there, fella. Lie down.
This'll give you plenty of air.
[Whimpering, whining]
Be quiet.
Hush up, Brutus!
[Doorknob rattles]
Oh, great, beautiful, beautiful.
The end of a perfect day.
[Brakes squeal]
[Engine turns off]
[Parking brake clicking]
[Shoes creaking]
[Creaking continues]
[Growls softly]
- [Creaking continues] - [Whining softly]
[Creaking continues]
[Door creaking]
Easy, boy. Easy, boy. Shh!
- [Growling] - Shh! Lie down.
- [Barking] - Nice doggy. Nice doggy.
You have the wrong man, the wrong man.
- I'm a policeman. Shh! - [Growling]
- Aaah! - [Barking]
Aah, hold it. Hold it right there.
Hold it. Hold it. Hold it.
Puppy, puppy, puppy.
Puppy, puppy, puppy.
- [Barking] - Ooh, ooh, ooh. Ooh.
Nice doggy.
[Grunts] Oh!
- Aah! [Panting] - [Barking]
Get away!
Mark, don't fight it.
CARMOD Y: Mr. Garrison!
Mr. Garrison!
Get away! Go on!
Mr. Garrison!
Mr. Garrison!
Wake up!
It's me... Sergeant Carmody!
Go on! Get away!
Go on, get away!
Mr. Garrison!
MAN ON POLICE RADIO: Calling Sergeant Carmody,
Car 23.
Calling Sergeant Carmody, Car 23, Signal 15...
investigate disturbance on Bowling Green Drive...
dog barking.
Repeat... investigate disturbance
on Bowling Green Drive... dog barking.
That is all.
[Door opens]
I wish that paper would show up just once on time!
[Hoarsely] Mr. Gar...
Mr. Garrison.
Mr. Garrison.
Up here!
Sergeant Carmody.
What are you doing up there?
[Grunts] Your dog chased me.
US Marshals
Ugly Dachshund The CD1
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