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Look at my dress
It's as red as the sea
When the sun bids farewell ...
What a sappy song!
It's either nice or not.
It sounds like I have|cotton balls in my mouth.
Look at my face
It's as white as the leaves
When the wind takes hold ...
That's nice.
That's because I love ...
Like that?
Look at my mouth|It's as blue as the light
As time takes root
Look at my hand|It's as soft as the edge ...
Does ''soft as the edge''|sound stupid?
Look at my heart ...
''Because ...!''
-What are you doing, Kari?|-Recording three songs.
Hilde has written a new tune|for these lyrics.
I have to turn them over now.
They're all very simple,|like ballads.
We aren't going to do|anything else with them.
-Then Hillestad can listen to them.|-Who is he?
Erik Hillestad.
-He saw these lyrics ...|-Is he involved?
We hope he will be!
But you can never trust|a recording executive.
He wanted us to write a song -
- that was closer to the original|children's song ''Look at my Dress.''
Hilde has managed that|magnificently.
I haven't really included|any new lyrics -
- that deal specifically with that.
I figured he'd appreciate my ideas,|but nothing more.
I was surprised that he liked it.
I was waiting for the big ''but.''|There's always a ''but.''
But that ''but'' never came.
The most common word|in the recording industry: but.
Then there's the painful process|of having to go another round.
It's very much about my illness.
So I was glad Hillestad liked it|for its universal theme.
Things that were there, and still are|there, are an integral part of life.
Hopefully more people have|struggled with the same issues.
I was simply unable to cope.
So I stopped eating for a while.
I was weighed and found too light
Weighed and found too light|Plain and simple
It's easy to see who was right
Weighed and found too light
Invisible and insignificant
That was a good change.
It takes a long time with no food -
- before you start losing|what I call serious weight.
The last few months ...
I actually contacted a psychologist|around my birthday, in October.
I complained that I kept thinking|about food all the time.
I didn't have time for that.
I had exams to study for, and ate|one pack of licorice candy a day.
And I could drink 1 1/2 bottles of|Tab, because it only had one calorie.
I sat in the reading room calculating|that I had eaten 56 calories.
That's exhausting!
I wanted to erase|all expressions of who I was.
Then only my core would be left,|I thought.
My soul.
That was a crazy girl talking.
-Don't add the yolk yet.|-You never taught me this!
It's best to take it|one step at a time.
-I dropped a piece of shell in here.|-A little piece doesn't matter.
But it isn't supposed to be there.
As Elisabeth Nygård said:
It's the fish's karma to be eaten.|That's why fish is good for us.
-The fish likes being eaten.|-Now add the yolk.
-That's a nice thought.|-I'm not a very patient instructor.
And you were a teacher!
I remember trying to teach a man|at the mission to cook. Not easy.
When I was going to give birth,|I tried to teach him three things -
- so your father would survive|while I was in the hospital:
Goat stew, goat steak|and ground goat.
As well as vanilla sauce|for the fruit.
I received a letter where he said|he had ordered stew, -
- and ended up with|goat steak with vanilla sauce.
I asked if that was|what I had taught him, -
- and he replied,|''No, but you told me to be creative.''
That's true.|It didn't taste good.
You should try it.
No, don't.|It was not good.
''Do you want help?'' you asked.|''I don't know,'' I replied.
''Then you will die,'' you said,|and let me consider it for a day.
Suddenly everything|became very serious.
You weighed under 40 kilos.|34 at the worst.
You took a big chance with me.
Everyone else had been afraid|to get involved.
We wanted to get you back|on your feet as soon as possible.
We weren't about to|give up on you. Let you die.
But we had to strengthen|your life forces -
- through making visible|the division inside you, -
- between your constructive|and your destructive side.
Your destructive side was relentless.
I understood why my parents|didn't have time for me.
I figured I could take care of myself.
Because the others were so much|worse off. They were starving, etc.
That came back to me at the hospital.|I felt I was a disruptive element.
So many others at the hospital|really needed help.
You make it sound like a given that|others were more important than you.
Do you still believe that today?
I have children now.
I don't think I'd be able|to think that today. I hope not.
Think that other starving children|are more important than my own?
I hope not.
Now you're thinking as a parent.|But when you were that child?
I could only relate to|what I perceived was reality.
-You were very clear.|-Yes, visually.
I was white, the others were not.
My best friend only ate|every other day. I ate every day.
I had family in Norway.
I could leave that poor country.
They could not.
I still believe that.|That's why I can't explain it.
You're explaining it now.
I still fail to see it|as a misconception.
I believe it was|the right understanding.
That ...?
That I didn't need|as much as the others.
In the time after|The day that passed
She came to be|In the hour before the first moment
What someone got to see
But no one understood
She had to explain without words
The dream had to pass
Had to go
So far from here
The little wild one knows
And wants to see
That no one needs her anymore
The little wild one believes
Because the wild one prays
For days when no one|Will ever find her again
Her skin is cold|Behind a thin veil
She freezes|And locks a closed door
That which was
Heads toward the night
That which is|Is created by itself
-I remember that tree.|-And I have that glass bracelet.
-That was a breadfruit tree.|-And you had cut my bangs.
-There is the dancing scene.|-You look so strict, mom.
When we came home,|they interviewed us on the radio.
And you couldn't sing that|Bengali song unless you danced.
So you danced and sang|without a partner.
You stomped around like|an elephant in your winter boots.
I had to stomp with my right foot|to do it right.
Look at that!
Do you still remember how to do it?
I think she was|a little more graceful than you.
They didn't have enough food|when they grew up, poor children.
Miserable conditions.
What a lovely family portrait!
There's Endre.
I think that's when the boys|were heading off to school again.
I can't remember.
There aren't many of them.
I remember that.
Remember I mentioned my mother's|light-blue national costume?
A national costume in Bangladesh.
I had lots of curls and looked a mess.|I always wanted to look neat.
-Some girls do.|-They spend a lot of time at it.
A suitcase of secondhand clothes|arrived from Norway, -
- for us poor missionary children.
There were|some beautiful things in there.
My hair ribbon was always crooked,|one stocking up, one down.
And there were these other girls|with everything in place.
Your lyrics are beautiful.
It's easier to write them|than to sing them.
My parents were helping|all these needy children.
I didn't want them to worry about me.
Yet at the same time you learn:
''Be careful what you see,|for God in heaven ...''
''Be careful what you think ...''
I don't know quite when,|but I learned early on -
- that if your motives are wrong,|if you do something for yourself, -
- that is not considered a good deed.|That's just the way it is.
Because I grew up with parents|who said, ''It's a calling from God.''
Gravy ...
-You associate hospitals with food?|-Yes, I do.
I think about|that gross brown gravy, -
- and potatoes covered with|some sort of film.
I walked the halls with my IV drip,|trying to burn calories.
With a tube up my nose.|I walked and walked and walked.
With Stevie Wonder|blasting on my Walkman.
Now mom is sick,|and I am visiting her.
We had a nanny, -
- because I had so many tasks|to perform in the village.
I wonder how that was for you,|that someone else was there.
I don't remember.
But I know that Aya was there many|times when it should have been me.
I have felt a great deal of guilt|and remorse about that.
But then you redeemed me. While|you were at the hospital, you said:
''We aren't looking for someone|to blame, but for an explanation.''
Could the fact that your best friend|was so thin, have influenced you?
At dinner you would say:
''Mom, how can I eat my fill|when I know Manu has nothing?''
No, I don't think|that had anything to do with it.
Though I remember|she was emaciated.
But I remember I pictured myself|as a little pink pig.
You were very close. We had to tear|you apart when we left in 1970.
We made a conscious decision.
But our children paid the price.
That was part of our calling.|We weren't supposed to express -
- if things were painful.
I would be very angry at you, -
- if you ended up here|because you refused to eat.
It was very painful|to have you at the dinner table, -
- and see|that you were unable to eat.
And all the times your father and I|sat in the hall here waiting, -
- while a dietician tried to get you|to eat a half-slice of bread.
I remember crying in the car|on the way home.
And I remember feeling elated once|when you had eaten your sandwich.
Just as we came home, you would|call and say you needed us again.
All over a half-slice!
I dreamt that|I had washed a window, -
- but it was still|full of fingerprints.
I had only washed the outside,|not the inside.
A good night!
That told me something|about my outside ... Never mind.
Hilde hates it|when I analyze dreams.
I hate unnecessary words.
I heard your voice last night
A small message|I remember by heart
Whispers good night to me
I met your eye tonight
Had planned to be myself
But failed
Say that you want|a little more
Say that you know|That someone with a secret
That touches you, affects you
Is me
I thought all would go well
When I find the person I want
And let them know
I should whisper late at night
Sitting still, leaning back
Nice and easy
But if you want a little more
Say that you know|That someone with a secret
That affects you
Is me
A little secret that affects you
Is me
Say you want
A little more
That's a great tempo.|Beautiful.
Let's listen to it.
-That's a wrap!|-That song puts me in a dream state.
Wasn't that great?
If it were my album,|that would be a wrap!
You created a great mood.|That was excellent.
Things were going so well.|I went to university, sang in a band.
Got a lot of attention.|I was 19-20 years old.
But then I started feeling|that I simply couldn't handle it.
I was unable to be happy.|To accept positive impulses.
Everything seemed wrong.
So I tried to escape.
I wanted to be able to do|what everyone else had done.
They had completed|one phase in life and moved on.
Become adults.
But I couldn't handle it.|I was constantly depressed.
You start, dad. This is the best|fish au gratin I have ever seen.
-Don't you agree, dad?|-I haven't tasted it yet.
But it sure looks good.
-It's delicious, Kari!|-You think so?
You're stubborn, and you're|good at holding your tongue.
I'm not stubborn.
But if one road is blocked,|there is always some side road.
You never give up.
-Isn't that being stubborn?|-No, that's being rational.
If one bridge is washed out, like|in Bangla, you drive on to the next.
I'm no good at that.
But that's not being stubborn.|Just reasonable.
But I don't think I ever got|as despondent as your mother.
I always believed|we would find a solution.
Your mother had a much bleaker view.|She believed you would die.
I never believed that.
I become much more clearheaded|and wise when I don't eat.
You're clear-headed and wise|enough when youdoeat.
I'm more than satisfied|with the Kari that eats.
When you don't eat,|your emotions are stunted.
So they don't interfere with all|the great theories in your mind.
I won't argue with you.|There's no point.
-You never give up.|-Sure I do.
-You're the stubborn one.|-No, I'm not!
I was so suspicious of everything|when you were ill.
I kept looking for signals.|''Is she better? Is she worse?''
I watched everything you ate|and didn't eat. It was horrible.
And that horrible turkey.
You refused|to eat anything but turkey.
No one else liked it.
We got so tired of turkey!
Everyone has their hang-ups.|So do I.
That doesn't make you ill.
But you can't expect me to become|a totally different person.
No, we want Kari.|Not some different person.
The Kari we know. We wanted good|old Kari back, and now we have her.
When you look at me I turn to dust
I blow in the wind|Among ashes and withered leaves
When you look at me I am nothing
Don't ask who I love|Don't ask who I am
Hopeless with
Hopeless without you
Don't ask ...
-The last refrain was different.|-We're getting close.
One more time.
I have no opinion.|Anymore.
Hopeless with
Hopeless without you
That was quicker,|but it was nice and dynamic.
We shouldn't change it.|Just stick to the same rhythm.
We want more rock'n'roll.
It's just increased.
I have room for one more on the tape,|so we don't have to decide now.
One more time.
When you look at me|I'm the thought behind a word
Like a homeless walking|Down a familiar trail
When you look at me|I become you
And end up in a darkness|Where loneliness is our guide
Don't ask who I love
Don't ask who I am
Hopeless with
Hopeless without you
For my heart was left behind|By a girl in low-heeled shoes
Who never looked back|The day she left
I have to censor them.|You can't see all of them.
Anette Stai took this.
But this is from 1986.
From back when|I was relatively ... unstable.
Isn't that pretty cool?
I look kind of psycho.
Look at this!|I look like that Adams lady.
Very determined.
-You look cool.|-I think so too.
Here's how I felt inside,|and how I looked outside.
I hate this.
Why are you digging|through this now?
Because mom is sick.|We are going to move in together.
I'm alone with my kids,|and can't be two places at once.
We found a nice house.
I don't mind living with them.
The last time she got sick,|they called me at 5 a.m.
I couldn't go to her when I was|alone with the kids. Now I can.
Now dad can be with the kids.
I feel like my own life|has been put on hold.
I have lost some of my freedom.
But that was the case anyway,|because of my kids.
So I want to do this now, while|I'm single and no one can interfere.
I thought it was frightening|when I first came to the hospital.
Because I didn't know what was|wrong. Didn't know how serious.
When I was so unwell before the|operation and you sat with me, -
- that meant so much to me.
Except for that last night,|when I let you stay here alone.
That's when I remembered|how many nights I had left you here.
I had no choice, week after week,|month after month.
Fortunately that's changed now.|Now the mothers also stay here.
We would both have gone insane|if you had stayed here all the time.
I wanted to rid myself|of everything -
- that gave people|the wrong impression.
I wanted my outside appearance|to reflect how I felt inside.
I thought that would be the ultimate.
To be a martyr,|like all good Christians are taught.
At least when I grew up.
Don't complain.|Pain is good.
Your appearance should reflect|that you have suffered, -
- but that you can handle it|because you believe in God.
I told God: No, I want to live|for a few more years.
Why can't I have that attitude?|I want to fight for a few more years.
There is so much I have undone.|So much to live for.
Here I was, being told|about my upcoming procedure -
- by two different doctors,|an anesthesiologist, a nurse ...
Fine, I can accept that.
But I don't want to die.|I want to fight for my life.
-That's what I did.|-Exactly. That's what you did.
I just wanted to borrow some
Taste a little bit
But I couldn't reach it
That which only was yours
No one was to know
No one was to see
You asked for so little
Before you took me away
And I have to love the impossible
Surrender to the wild
The wary, the invisble,
The tiniest of the small ...
It was very late|and I was very tired.
I don't want to hear you|when you're in a good mood.
Here you go.
-There are a lot of n-words.|-That causes resonance.
-This part is fine.|-Yes.
There you go.
-Try to continue the phrase.|-I try, but have trouble opening up.
Use your belly.
-That was better.|-Yes! You need air for that tone.
Don't stop,|just change your focus.
All the way to the end of the phrase.
-You lock your larynx.|-I know. I can feel it.
But the difference should be smaller|with the low notes.
Mixed voice.|It should stay the same.
-I get angry when I hear that.|-I would too.
But we can work on it.
You mean I have to practice?
-Listen to her!|-I don't want to.
These kids are impossible.
Try that part again, Kari.
If you go like this ...
And I have to love the impossible
Surrender to the wild
The wary, the invisible,
The tiniest of the small
Love the artful
The incomprehensible,|The silent
Love the impossible
Is that all I wanted?
I felt I was wasting people's time.
And my own time.
-You felt you were wasting our time?|-Yes.
-I was merely occupying a bed.|-So was everyone else.
But others were more ill than I was.|Others needed them more.
Are you so sure?
No.|Inside, I felt I needed to be here.
But you understood why your|parents helped other children, -
- children that needed|more help than you?
In order to accept that as a child, -
- you are forced to suppress|many primary needs a child has.
The need to be most important|to your parents.
As a result|you lose some of your identity.
The whole conflict is based on|a good girl - bad girl issue.
How were you received|when the ''bad girl'' surfaced?
-Was that side accepted?|-No.
We were going to buy food.|We drove over to the bakery.
We bought sweet rolls and Coke.|What did you buy?
A whole-grain roll|and some low-fat cheese.
That's ... That's when|some bells started ringing.
No, you weren't on a diet!
A couple of the choir members|were aggressive, mad at me.
They felt a need to educate me.|Criticized me a great deal.
I started singing solos, something|I eventually hated doing.
It was tough.
But I don't think it was only me.|I just didn't take it very well.
I could have smiled|And let you know
Or I could have lied
Lowered my gaze to another
Waited, and then left
Could have walked another way
Or only stayed a short while
I could have lain dormant
Or whispered to another's lips ...
That little sparrow|with a tube up her nose ...
That's not something I'll soon forget.|I still don't like seeing those tubes.
I can't forget that image.
I was surprised|that people were concerned.
You may have felt unloved, but|many of us were very fond of you.
Of course.
But love can be expressed|in many ways.
I remember spending a lot of time|at the hospital.
And that was important, though I don't|remember what we talked about.
We sat in the waiting room.
Or we went for walks.
I don't know. There was one spot|where I thought ''uh-oh.''
Were you pleased?
-I thought it was too delicate.|-I liked it.
I sounded desperately sensitive.
Let you find me gently
And feel me ...
Is that a cool idea?|Should I do that throughout?
-That would give us a pulse.|-Or we could use a tambourine.
One more time.
On top of the last one?|OK.
Could have you if I wanted
Just a little
-Remember your self-portraits?|-Yes. I have them here.
A couple, at least. You brought me|to some clinic for medical students.
That's not the one I have.|Don't you have your first one?
Look at that.|That was my first self-portrait.
Elephant feet.
What about the face?
What are you thinking?
That must have been how I felt.
If I had drawn a face,|I would have been critical:
You think you're that pretty?|Think you're that thin?
It was easier to be expressionless.
Let others tell me who I was.
I didn't remember this.
Do you recognize it now?
No, I just remember the feeling.|How afraid I was. Of drawing.
This drawing speaks volumes.
And there is no face.
You have no identity at all.
Yet at the same time|everyone perceived me -
- as someone with|an extremely strong identity.
That I would do anything|to attract attention.
Become ill, do something|that disgusting, to irritate people.
Is that how you perceived us?
No, I thought you and everyone else|believed I was faking it.
That it wasn't real.
There is a great deal of suffering|behind this.
You can't look at a drawing like this|and think it is fake.
Although that may have been|your perception.
That was never the case.
Look at the contrast|between that portrait -
- and the one you drew|three months later.
After I saw this, I was|no longer concerned about you.
You quit. I was no longer|allowed to see you after this.
I was discharged that spring.|I remember being so mad at you.
You said:
No matter how sick I ever got again,|you would refuse to see me.
At least, that was my interpretation.
No, that's not what I said.
But that was my perception.
I was supposed to paint how I felt|inside, and they would interpret it.
This was the evil that refused to eat,|and this was me.
February 16. While I was|at the psychiatric hospital.
There is a heart in there.
It is just very far away.
They used this as therapy.|They interpreted everything.
Here is my life.
It didn't look like this,|but this was how I felt.
My diary is there,|and some withered flowers.
Here they asked me|to paint my life path.
The flowers become|more and more withered.
I remember|I was very irritated at them.
''I stumbled and fell|at the beginning.''
That is where I was at the time.
When I first arrived here, I felt|I would never come out again.
In that tunnel, and that's that!
I wanted to go to the psychiatric|hospital so I could talk to someone.
But it was strange|walking through that tunnel. Sad.
Here I was drugged. I can't remember|what the pills were called.
I yelled and screamed. Didn't|want to take them. It was horrible.
But if I didn't take them, I couldn't|stay. And I had nowhere else to go.
They woke me up for breakfast,|fed me, and I went back to sleep.
It's nice here, in an absurd way.
Eventually I made my peace|with God. Sounds crazy, but I did.
I decided to die.
I remember lying here one night.|It was horrible.
And I said to God:|I can't take it anymore.
Before then I didn't want to die,|I just didn't want to live.
But now I wanted to die.
And that was fine.|Then I felt calm.
As the tide retreats
It hits a small pebble
Life rests
Next to my tired feet
Day disappears
Without bringing me along
Into the night
Higher up and further down
I've been weighed|And found too light
Easy to see who was right
Weighed and found too light
The flowers wither
Without letting me know
Death whispers
Promises of peace another place
Lights are dimmed
The shadows forget me
Silent friends
Find a new, invisible road
I've been weighed|And found too light
Easy to see who was right
Weighed and found too light
Weighed and found too light
Easy to see who was right
Weighed and found too light
-Great vocals!|-You think?
Let's listen to it.
I was almost moved.
I don't want to sing it too many times.
I liked the extra bass.
The flowers wither
Without letting me know
Death whispers
Promises of peace another place
Lights are dimmed
The shadows forget me
Silent friends
Find a new, invisible road
I've been weighed|And found too light
Easy to see who was right
Weighed and found too light
I've been weighed|And found too light
Easy to see who was right
Weighed and found too light
What do you say, ladies?
It's a wrap.
Suddenly I was back at the hospital.
-While you were singing?|-Yes.
I should have gotten irritated,|and I did.
But I am more sad now than|I was then. I wasn't very sad then.
Now I got sad. And then|I get angry because I get sad.
And I get angry|because I wrote that song like that.
No, that was stupid.
-Can't you use that?|-Sure. But it's overwhelming.
There is too much me|in this version.
-That's what makes it good.|-Not for me.
I prefer hiding.|Making it more ambiguous.
But that's me.
It's easier to sing|about unrequieted love.
Kari's moving.
And we were dumb enough|to agree to help her.
We will move later.
We will take it easy|and help Kari first.
I'm never going to move again.
I've only moved 13-14 times so far.
-Which floor are you moving into?|-First and second. It's a house.
Hillestad had a lunch with|Kofi Annan, so we didn't see him.
When Hillestad didn't show,|I thought it was all over.
I'm such a positive person!|I was sure it was all for naught.
And then I came home and|the two movers weren't here yet.
Finally they showed up,|and everything was a mess.
We had rehearsal here last night|because I have a concert tonight.
Then the kids came home.|What a chaos!
Finally I just went to bed.|I couldn't take anymore.
And I'm paying for that today.|What I need is a wife!
Is it that light?
This is kind of the opposite|of moving out.
Your daughter is moving home again.
But this time she has the upper hand.
Now I get to look down on them.
But a mother-daughter relationship|is both positive and charged, right?
Our relationship|has never been very charged.
Or it would have been impossible.|And we can always close the door.
You have to go through|the basement to get to them.
I wonder where|my favorite painting will go.
I think they're saying grace.
But why is it only the mother|and the son who see Jesus?
The others have their eyes closed.
He looks like a ghost.
No, he looks magnificent|with that halo. Magnficent.
That painting has always comforted|me. I don't see a ghost there.
The air was cold around him
The city was silent and empty
Winter whispered patiently|About light in an ancient night
The frost slowly melted|Between sheets, white as snow
It was quiet where she found him|No words to play with
Nameless- she in him|Nameless - him against her ...
Getting well|is infinitely more difficult -
- than getting ill or being ill.
Once I was out of the hospital|I went to America to study music.
I was very lonely over there,|although I had many friends.
Because I hardly told anyone|that I had been ill.
I hope I'll never be that alone again.
My parents went back to Bangladesh|for two years.
I felt so alone when they left.
I was finally ready|to stand on my own two feet.
And Endre was ...
I talked a lot with Endre|after they left.
His last message was:|''Do what you have to do.''
''Because I have my own life.''
''You'll do just fine.''
Then suddenly he died.
I was at home watching the news.
They said a plane had gone down.
I didn't even think about Endre|at the time.
But I felt that something was wrong.
I couldn't fall asleep that night.
Then my sister-in-law called|at 1:30 a.m. and told me.
I had to try to reach my parents|in Bangladesh.
I couldn't make that call myself.
I asked the office in Bodø|to call them.
So I wouldn't have to|break the news to them.
Eight months after Endre died|I met a man.
Within a year I was pregnant.|To make a long story short.
And since then|I have not tried to lose weight.
In the midst of all the pain|surrounding my illness, -
- and how I felt it was senseless, -
- and I just wanted to lie down|and not mean anything more, -
- I was reminded|that He had not forgotten us.
This house is a gift!
You and your children,|and the two of us down here, -
- we are so important|to each other ...
Your two boys have told us|what we mean to them.
We adults are so blasé,|but the children say it like it is.
Let them follow us in our lives|and in our illnesses.
No one knows|who will be the first to go.
But let them follow us.|That is a magnificent gift.
It irritates me to feel|this debt of gratitude.
-Why do you feel that?|-For the gift I have received.
-Life is a gift from God.|-That's not much of a gift.
What we do with it,|is a different story.
I have to live with the consequences|of the choices I have made.
Whatever they may be.
Every action has consequences.|Look at what we did.
We chose to go to India. I gave birth|under dramatic circumstances.
But you had something|in addition to me. You had a calling.
I have never had that.
That is where my childhood|comes back to haunt me.
Everything we others do,|when compared to that, -
- everything we do|is for our own personal gain.
Somehow or another.|We collect worldly goods.
If you are a missionary, -
- you are completely removed -
- from any demands,|any accusations.
I still feel guilty that I chose to|have children in the midst of all that.
When there were millions|of other people I could help.
And so I sacrificed you.
I think it goes back|to Abraham and Isaac.
To those horrible stories of how|Abraham would sacrifice his son.
How ridiculous!
Boy, did he have faith, to place|his own son on the butcher block -
- and raise his knife,|ready to butcher him!
That is what we grew up with.
If God asks you to sacrifice|your child, you obey.
I believe the opposite.
The image of God I have,|if there is any truth to that story ...
That story must have frightened|the crap out of God!
Had you not been in opposition,|it could have gotten worse.
That paradox, your inability|to channel your opposition -
- and protest in some other way,|led you to refuse food.
That refusal was essential.|That was your way of opposing.
Without that, you would have given|up on everything but obedience.
I have liked you the entire time,|even when you were in opposition, -
- because your actions were|so heartfelt and genuine.
And your process and progress|has been exciting for us.
I became fond of you as a person, -
- and have wanted to continue|following your development.
It's been good to hear|of your positive development.
And good to see you again now,|18 years later.
Thank you.
We thought you would use your|abilities to sing gospel music.
I have been so angry.
After I was ill, when Endre died ...|Why him and not me?
You fought to die for ten years.
He fought those same ten years|to keep you alive. And he succeeded.
That is how you have to look at it.
He was happy.
Because he had followed you|through a struggle -
- that the two of you won.
And I was thinking about|what you said about Christianity.
I have had the same thoughts.
That there was some meaning|with Endre's death.
That we are supposed to do|so and so.
I don't think God|would take my son away, -
- would take your brother away, -
- because there was some meaning.|There is no meaning.
Whether we believe in God or not, -
- we are a part of this world|and subject to its rules and laws.
The same things happen to us|as to everyone else.
But I think God gives us|the opportunity -
- to make something|of these things that happen.
It's important for you to see|that my life is better now, -
- just like we see|that your life is better.
That we can be happy|for your successes.
Because you have never|been satisfied.
You have always felt|you could do better.
I have no idea where you got that|from. I don't think we're to blame.
But you always felt,|as you have said before, -
- that you were the ugliest flower|in the bouquet.
You were never good enough.
Imagine how we must have looked,|when you weren't good enough!
Look at my dress
It's as red as the sea
Look at my hair
It's yellow when the night ...
Look at my face
It's as white as the leaves
Look at my silence
It's as black as hope
That's because
That's because
I love
Try the mid-level part.
... when the sun says goodbye
Not bad.|You were both early and late.
When the night
Turns shadow to dark
Great.|One more time.
I like the back cover best.
No, I like the front.
You're prettier here than here.
But doesn't that|raise some questions?
You hardly show your face.
That's because
That's because
I love
That's because
That's because
I love
Palle Krüger on drums.
Per Vestaby on bass.
Jørn Christensen,|who also produces, on guitar.
And last but not least,|the melody maker: Hilde Heltberg.
Background vocals:|Elisabeth Moberg.
In the light of the city|Features are soft
Like faces drawn|With charcoal
Where sea meets heaven|Where you and I meet
And doubt disappears|Behind black holes
Along the streets
Words are new|And easy to say
One last dance
Promises are simple|And easy to make
If you are I want to be
What you see, I want to be
If you believe, I want to learn
When I have time
If you love, I want to yearn
I want to say what you hear
If you find, I will fetch
When I am free
If you do not recognize me
I can whisper who I am
Come to me
Walk with me
If you wish, perhaps I can
What you hope that I want
But if you wait, I must stop
When I am in doubt
And if you do not recognize me
I can whisper who I am
Come to me
Walk with me
V - The Miniseries CD1
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