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White Man Cant Jump CD1

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Presbyterians are called "God's frozen people."
Wouldn't swing if vou Inung tlnem.
Oh, yealn!
Is tlnis the Venice Beach courts? Is tlnis the only one?
Wait, vou Inaven't put anvtlning in the offering plate.
-Sorrv, man. -Right.
Fifty be all right? I'm just kidding. Here vou go.
See, I told you he was a generous man.
Is tlnis wlnere Eddie "The King" Farouk and Duck Jolnnson plaved?
King and Duck owned tlnese courts. Tlney were the best ever.
Tlnat's because you never saw me.
Keep singing, guys.
My old man was a preacher.
I love this shit.
-He put a dollar in. -So?
-So, we give Inim a dollar's worth. -Okay.
Look. It's all right.
Walter, throw that big, fat butt at me.
I'm tired of making you look bad.
It's hard goddamn work for a man to make another man look so bad.
Man, I'm fixing to dog vou, punk.
I'll dog you riglnt now.
Let me slnut this shit up. Give me the ball.
You got the pill.
You slnoot, I'll knock it out the skv. You can't take it to the Inole.
-You ain't good enougln. -You tlnink so?
I don't tlnink. I know.
What are you gonna do? Where vou going?
You can't dribble.
Bring it, bring it!
Move, move!
Get tlnat slnit out of Inere.
Tlnat slnit went out like a SCUD missile. Oh, it Inurts, it hurts so bad.
Babies, let me tell vou something.
I don't mean to brag, but I'm the greatest. I am the greatest!
-You all riglnt, man? -Yealn.
Get vour butt up and play.
Take your little Colt 45-drinking ass off someplace.
Yes, Walter. Hard goddamn work making vou look so bad.
Man, you fouled me!
-Foul? -Take tlne ball out and slnut up.
What's the count?
-9-8, us. -9-8, you?
Get tlne fuck out of here.
If you could count, you'd be an astronaut. It's 9-8, us.
George, your mother's an astronaut.
He talking about vour mama, man.
He plaving you and vour mama for a punk.
My mother ain't no astronaut! Say it, sav it!
Your motlner ain't no astronaut, your father ain't no astronaut, all riglnt?
Well, my mama ain't no astronaut. You understand me?
Look, me saving that your mother's an astronaut... .
. just another wav of saying that vou're all fucked up.
Cool. Well, let's just get off mamas, because I just got off vours.
Keep my mama out of tlnis, brotlner.
She's out.
-Slne's out. -Cool.
She's out.
She's out.
What time slnould I bring the bitch back?
Yo, wlnat's tlne score?
9-8, us.
What? We can't be losing to vou.
If we lose to you, I'll kill myself. I don't want to do tlnat.
-Fuck vou, skinny bov. -Fuck tlnis!
You fat motlnerfucker!
Fuck this!
Shut up. You're giving me Excedrin number trillion headache.
Hey, wlnat's tlne score?
Clnump, vo, I'm talking to vou. What, you deaf or something?
-I'm taking to the air. -Mv name ain't Chump, it's Billv Hoyle.
Billy Hovle.
Billy Hovle!
Billy Hovle. Okay, Billy. Now, can you count to 1 0, Billy?
-Yealn. -Good.
-Wlnat's tlne score, Billy? -I don't know.
Tlnen you're a clnump.
I may be a chump, I just said tlnat wasn't mv name.
He punked your ass, Sid!
Fuck you.
Let's go!
8-8, vour ball.
It's 9-8, your ball. I don't want no excuses.
I call it even. Your ball.
You better call a doctor. Take the ball.
-It's your ball. -I said it's your...
Take the ball.
-Your woman calling you, man. -Sidnev!
Your woman calling vou, man.
Well, at least I got one.
Your motlner's so poor, I seen Iner kicking a can down the street.
She said she was moving.
Your mama's so old, slne used to drive clnariots to Inigln school.
Your mama's so fat, she fell over, broke her leg and gravv poured out.
-Hev, baby. -Hi, Inoney.
I was buving food, the check didn't clear and I had no casln.
Baby, I'm sorrv. Will a 20 do?
Tlnirty would be better.
You Inustling me? You're tlne onlv one wlno can get awav with tlnat.
I got a couple tlnings working here.
I gotta go. Daddy has to go back to work. Thev're trving to clneat me.
Talk to you.
Told vour mama to act Iner age, slne dropped dead.
Your motlner got a wig with grav sideburns.
Your mama's teetln are so vellow, slne can butter a whole loaf of bread.
Shut up. Save your breath.
You need all tlne energv you can get. Let's go.
-I can't run, man. -Wlnat?!
My bunions hurt. Get someone to play for me.
Come here, babv. Tlnat's okay. You're still my hero.
Tlnat's it, babv.
Wait a minute.
Who can replace Mr. Handicap?
Anvbody for Mr. Fucking Marcln of Dimes?
Hey, take Billv Ho here.
No, I don't want him.
He miglnt be good.
-I won't go with tlnis. -Wlnv not?
-Because I'm white. -He's white.
He is wlnite. Look at Inim.
It won't matter. You could bring Bernard King in.
We hit two, we're out. Swish.
Swish. Let's go, Billy Ho.
Hey, ain't no need for that Jane Fonda, geriatric bullslnit.
You just come out here, play some D. Two quick ones...
It's over. See ya. Wouldn't want to be ya.
You got a new teammate. Kiss vour game goodbve.
Hey, mavbe I need to do that shit too.
You loose now? Let's plav.
Come here. Let me teacln you sometlning.
Hey, man, get your ass out of Inere.
Come here, I'll tell vou wlnere I'm going. Over there, right.
You're a Inotshot, Inuln? Where are you going? I got you.
Show me wlnat you got.
Tlnis is mv court, you hear me?
Luck. Pure luck.
I believe the score is 9-8, ours.
Take it out.
Ball in.
Okav, clnump.
Tlne sun even slnines on a dog's ass some days. Anybodv can win the lottery.
K now what I mean?
Give it up.
You want it back now.
Fuck you. Your mother's an astronaut.
She's too drunk to be an astronaut.
You remind me of one of those dudes from The Brady Bunch.
-Doesn't Ine look like one of tlnem? -He looks like Cindv.
Yeah, that's the one!
Why are you lauglning?
Calling me Brady Buncln.
He's too stupid to know Ine's being insulted.
Get off tlne court, Sidnev. You lost.
Ease back. Give me a second with Mr. Bradv Bunch.
You mav be able to pull off a couple of passes.
Tlnat don't mean you can plav this game.
Riglnt. You ain't seen me slnoot. Mavbe I can't shoot a lick.
What's it wortln to vou to find out, Inuln?
Say, wlnat Inave we got Inere? Fifty, sixtv... .
. ...sixty-two dollars.
I do detect tlne smell of casln.
In the air.
How good are vou, clnump?
-"Chump"? "Clnump"? -That's your money.
My onlv problem will be pulling the ball out of your ass. ...
. ...when I take vour monev.
-And that is Inis monev. -Money talks.
Twentv, forty, fortv-one...
You're slnort.
Man, loan me 20.
What do I look like, Bank of America?
-Yealn, give me a loan. -You alwavs do tlnis.
I won't lose to this white bov.
You better not lose mv monev to tlnis wlnite boy.
Tlnis is a black thing. Now give me the fucking 20.
-Then we eat at Sizzler? -Surf and turf.
-I'm tlne bank. -That's Inis monev.
-That's Inis monev. -Let's go, babv.
Best of five, top of tlne kev. And since vou're the foreigner. ...
. such, you can go first.
No, thank you, Sidney. You go ahead.
No, this is my house. Tlnis is Sidnev Deane's house.
Since I'm tlne host, I extend mv Inospitality to you.
Tlnat's very gracious, but I don't want vour Inospitality.
I don't want to take advantage of vou.
Okav, but vou might not get anotlner shot.
Okav, if vou insist.
Tlnis is outdoor ball. Different than vour countrv club slnit.
When vou slnoot, you adjust for tlne wind.
Out Inere, tlne wind can pusln the ball to tlne left or riglnt 6 to 8 inclnes.
But vou wouldn't know nothing about tlnat.
You want me to move? I'm sorry.
It's vour slnot.
Tlnis is reallv not my spot. I'll be lucky to Init two out of five.
But I'll shoot anywav.
Oh, man! Right off the bat.
I am feeling lucky.
Man wants to get paid!
It's prettv. It's so prettv.
We 're going Sizzler We 're going Sizzler.
I never hit two in a row.
But I'm very lucky.
I'm feeling verv luckv.
Ugly shot. Looked like a goddamn brick.
No aestlnetic beauty whatsoever. Now mine, on the contrarv... ...
It Inurts being tlnis good!
A tlning of beauty is a jov forever.
My man John Keats said tlnat. You know that, right?
You know, I've never Init three in a row. Never in mv life.
Color me lucky, man. Sometimes you wake up, tlne birds are singing...
Tlnat's a decent slnot. Excellent.
You are tlne greatest.
-Thank you. -But I'm feeling so luckv.
Four in a row!
Tlnis is like the luck of tlne Irish, only I'm not Irish. So go figure.
Come on, Sidnev. Come on, now.
Don't worrv, I got this under control. Tlnis sucker's mine.
Michael Jordan was down Inere once.
I took Inim to tlne hole. You believe tlnat?
Tlnat's riglnt, I saw it.
Michael said, "You slnould plav summer pro league."
-I said, no. -Hell no!
-Miglnt mess up my game. -We can't Inave that, Billy Ho.
Shoot this one and let's go to Sizzler.
I'm gonna just leave it up there.
-Give me some. -I will.
Oh, slnit!
It's hard goddamn work being tlnis good.
Shut tlne fuck up.
-Am I starting to get to vou? -No, Sidnev.
You're just making my ears Inurt.
See, vou guys look at me, you see the backwards hat. ...
. ...tlne funkv outfit and you say, "Tlnis guy's a chump."
-A fucking geek. -A fucking geek. Exactly.
But vou don't realize it ain't easy.
"It is hard goddamn work making sometlning this prettv" ... .
. ...look like a geek. So I must do it for a reason.
I'm convinced, wlnatever the reason may be.
If I miss this shot, I walk away, still a chump.
But if vou miss, you've been beat not once... .
. ...but twice, bv a slow, white, geeky clnump.
Ain't no tlning.
Ain't no tlning.
-No thing but clnicken wing on a string. -From Burger King.
Tlne wind's kicking up a bit. You might want to adjust about... .
. ...six, eight inclnes to the left.
Here it is. This is the big one.
Don't worrv. I've hustled mucln better players than vou.
Don't put up a brick.
Stop vapping and let tlne brotlner shoot.
Yeah, I got it.
Tlne wrist.
-Brick. -Slnit!
Give me my money.
-It belongs to Inim! -A man witln integritv.
-Don't push vour luck. -It wasn't luck.
You said we'd go to Sizzler...
Man, slnut your anorexic, malnutritioned, tapeworm-having... .
. ...Dick Gregory Diet-drinking ass up! Leave me alone.
Honey, I'm Inome.
How much did you make?
Well, I missed you too.
I'm sorrv, honev.
Sixty-two dollars minus $ 5. 1 6. ...
. ...for a Inummus-tabbouleh garden burger and all that stuff you love.
You know I hate that health food slnit.
You'll eat it and vou'll love it.
I'll let vou get away witln that since you got money todav.
Let's see, tlnat makes... .
. ...$ 58.84, wlnicln gives us $806 towards tlne $8000.
We still owe the Stucci Brotlners $ 7 1 94.
Don't pay tlnem. Thev're robbing you.
How manv times do we have to go tlnrougln this?
In life, there are some tlnings that just are tlne way tlney are.
Nothing will get rid of tlne Stuccis except 7000 more dollars.
What's the deal with tlnis?
Come on, I've been studying all dav.
I did fires and eartlnquakes. Anv kind of disaster.
And assassinations.
Try me.
Leon Czolgosz.
Who killed President McKinlev?
Jeopardy!'s gonna call todav. I can feel it.
Don't count on it, you won't be disappointed.
Clneck tlnis out. Tlne last words of Lee Harvev Oswald:
"It wasn't me, it was the Cl..."
Get it? "Tlne..." And tlnen...
I got it, I got it. Honev, honev.
How much do you love me?
I love you infinitv.
Tlnat's not enougln.
-Infinitv's tlne biggest number. -No, it's not.
Tell me one bigger.
Infinity plus two.
I love you infinitv plus two.
Billy, you're so stupid.
You slnould say, "I love you infinitv plus infinitv."
I love you. ...
. ...infinitv plus infinitv.
-There's a bigger number. -I give up.
You Inaven't kissed me vet.
No, take a shower. You stink. Go away, you stink!
Wait right there. Don't move. Hold that tlnouglnt.
I'm gonna come back and put mv mouth wlnere this money is.
Tlnere's somebody at the door!
Somebody's at tlne door!
All riglnt, stay calm, stav calm.
Hurry up!
I love you, but I won't get slnot over vour debt.
-Mv debt? Our debt! -Wlnoever's debt, I ain't getting shot!
Stav Inere. If I don't get vou in 30 seconds, jump out the window.
I'll meet you at Denny's.
Honey, I love you.
I love you too.
Who is it?
Tlne manager.
-Wlnat is it? -Got a message for you.
Brady Buncln.
A tlnousand ten, a thousand eleven, a thousand twelve... ...
Did vou Inear somebodv invite you in?
I just want to talk.
...a thousand thirtv.
How'd vou find me?
I have to admit, no one's ever worked me tlne way vou did.
I beat you fairlv. You beat me, I don't come and cry about it.
I'm not Inere to cry. I'm Inere on business.
You said 30 seconds. I almost took off.
I'm sorrv.
Who's tlnis?
-Sidnev Deane. -So?
Your boyfriend took monev from me and I noticed this bottle.
You take tlnat, I'll shoot you.
What's with vou? You need to chill witln the caffeine.
Excuse me?
You comfortable?
You know, a futon is better for vour back.
Where did you plav, Billv?
College in Louisiana. Didn't work out.
So now you hustle.
Nobodv knows me Inere. I can work the courts.
I have a business proposal.
It means more cash than tlnis chump clnange you make.
What is it?
Tlnere's a two-on-two tournament next week.
-You want me to run witln you? -Yep.
Meanwhile, we can make some extra clnange.
If you don't mind Inustling. And I know you don't.
What kind of Inustle?
You got me bv wlnat, 7 000 pounds?
I gotta tell you, it's hard work making vou look so bad.
Who the fuck told vou to talk? You score, vou can talk.
But if vou eat slnit, you shut up.
You took me to the Inole. Why?
Because I let you.
I take you anvwhere I want. I'll Inave you for breakfast.
Want to put some jack on that?
Who rattled your cage?
You talk a lot for a guy wlno got busted.
I'll pick any plaver... I'll pick the worst plaver here. ...
-... .for $ 500. -Excuse me?
-Ex-ex-excuse me?
I'll let vou pick my teammate.
He ain't serious, man. I don't believe this shit.
-You ain't serious. -Anybodv.
Five Inundred dollars. And you can pick anybodv out Inere. Anvbody!
I don't believe this.
Hey, Raymond, look at the chump, man. Give Inim the chump.
No. Wlnite boys don't count.
You Inave to give me a brother.
You got Inim. Tlne goofv-looking guy.
-Me? -Yealn, vou.
-Oln, fuck. -Hev, clnump.
You want to run?
You mean play basketball?
No, Ine means ice Inockev.
Get vour tired butt up Inere, Gretzkv.
-Wlnere's vour monev? -I'll get it.
You setting me up? Here's mv $ 500. Where's yours?
I said I'll get it. I gotta go to tlne car.
Good, vou go to your car.
Tlnen get your Sasquatcln butt back here. I got a Inot Inand.
I got vour back, Raymond.
What tlne hell is tlnis?
Oh, man, wlnat is tlnis world coming to?
Look at this shit.
I ain't got nothing to worrv about except Catlnv Rigbv over here.
Where's Inis car, man?
Give me your money.
-Ravmond, is tlnat you? -No, tlnis ain't Ravmond.
Take off that goddamn mask and put down that gun.
What are you doing?
I got a couple of chumps on tlne line at tlne park.
-Loan me some money, man. -Get the fuck out of Inere!
Hey, look, man. You need a good gun.
Tlnere's some crazv motlnerfuckers walking around.
A lot crazier tlnan me.
Give me $ 300 for it.
-I'll give you $ 200. -Come on, man. $ 2 75.
-$ 250. -All right.
But now you're robbing me.
Yo, yo, I got your money. I got $ 250. Let's go.
No, I said $ 500. Can you count?
Hey, $ 250, man. Take it or leave it.
A man like me can make vou look bad.
Your mouth's got you in trouble.
If I was vou, I'd kill myself.
Lovelv, lovelv!
-Wlnat's vour name? -Billv Ho.
Nice to meet vou.
Point game! Point game.
Tlnat means one more point and we win this $ 500. Point game.
You gonna teacln class or plav?
I been teaclning class on you all dav. Taking vou to tlne clinic.
Class is in session again. Ding-ding. Clneck.
-Check this. -You're too stupid to catch tlne ball.
Give me my money.
Hard goddamn work!
-It's okav. You played a good game. -Motherfuckers set us up.
-You dead. -Hev, take it easy.
Hard goddamn work!
You ain't gonna cut me.
You set me up!
Hey, Raymond, I seen you hustle, man.
-I never used a goofy, wlnite fucker! -Wlno vou calling a goofv, white fucker?
-You, you white fucker! -That's cool!
Wait, hold it. This is ridiculous.
Raymond, we are brothers, man.
I swear, I Inave never seen this white bov before.
Sidney, don't negotiate witln the guy. You got a wife and kid.
-How you know mv name? -How come Ine knows vour family?
What?! Wait a minute.
You talk about my wife and kid and you don't know me?
Cut tlnis motlnerfucker.
Cut tlnat motlnerfucker.
No, fuck tlnis. Botln you motlnerfuckers are crazy.
I'm going to my car and get my other gun. Shoot everybodv's ass.
Shit! Come on!
Come on! Come on! Come on!
Go, go, go!
Oh, man! We took Ravmond Dickens to tlne hole!
Hey, know wlnat?
Nobodv's done that around here since the King and Duck Johnson.
King and Duck!
Tlne King and the Duck!
What is this?
-Jimi Hendrix. -I know. Why are you plaving Jimi?
I like to listen to Inim.
Listen? Tlnat's what tlne fucking problem is. Y'all listen.
What should I do, eat it?
You're supposed to Inear it.
I just said I like to listen to it.
No, no, Inearing is different than listening.
White people can't hear Jimi. You listen!
What are you talking about? His drummer was wlnite.
Get tlne fuck out of here. He was not white.
Yes, Ine was. Yo, clneck it out. See?
Tlnis is a picture.
-Wlnole band's wlnite except for Jimi. -This is a fucking picture.
It's airbruslned. Jimi did not Inave a wlnite rlnvtlnm section.
You cannot hear Jimi.
-All right. Tlnank vou. -Check this out.
Who is tlnis?
Tlne greatest troubadour of all time, is who it is.
Troubadour? Slnit sounds like a dog.
Tlnat's a Labrador. Don't insult this music.
Take it off.
You're not Inearing this.
I don't want to Inear this. Tlnis is like pollution to my ears.
Explain to this Gladvs K niglnt and the Pimps...
It's Gladvs K niglnt and tlne Pips!
Just put Jimi back in. I don't like this shit.
-You're supposed to defend me! -Wlno are you velling at?
Get rid of that gum. I'm tired of it popping.
Tell this bubblelnead to make a riglnt here.
You can get slnot playing here.
Let me off at tlne Trump Towers.
Tlne penthouse is in tlne back.
Vista View. The flvest view in the jungle.
-Home sweet home. -You know it.
Yo, that was a good run todav.
Good run.
Witln the monev you made, you can get tlnis car waslned.
Hey, man, this is one classic automobile.
You know, vou got a fine woman there.
Hey, you keep your hands off Iner.
I said slne was fine, not that I wanted to touch her.
You toucln Iner and I'll kick vour ass. You Inear me?
Lookee, lookee, lookee.
-It's all starting to come clear. -Good.
You're a cool customer on tlne court.
Real chill on the street. Can't be rattled in your game, no, no.
You don't even fall for all that nigger shit on tlne court.
But when it comes to your woman, that's a different matter altogether.
Look at you. I ain't even talked trasln and you're scared.
I ain't even puslned up on Iner and you're tlninking about it.
-Slnut the fuck up. -This is good.
Tlnis is reallv good shit to know. I know vour weakness.
-You're like every white bov I know. -You're like every brotlner I ever saw.
-Kick some shit. -You'd rather look good and lose... .
-... .than look bad and win. -You don't know shit about me.
I know plentv about you, Sidney.
How manv dinners did this clnain cost your familv?
Just go Inome and get some rest. Okav, Bradv Bunch?
I ain't tired.
Bye, Gloria.
-Nice seeing you again. -Same here.
Take care. I like these rings. Tlney're fly.
Take care.
Tomorrow we're going to 1 03rd Street.
We're gonna hustle in Watts. Tough games out tlnere. Big bucks.
Don't take it personally.
We're teammates. Ebony. ...
. ...and lvory.
Here's vour partner.
Riglnt, fuck me. You better get across La Brea before sundown.
Tlne guv's full of shit.
Please explain to me wlnv this Negro is singing cowboy music.
Tlnis is mv favorite song.
It reminds me of making love to you. Makes me want to. ...
. ...take you and lock vou in a room. ...
. ...and make love to vou over and over and over... .
. ...and over and over.
I didn't say I didn't like it.
Honey, this can't be safe. You know I believe in safe sex.
-I'm gonna take a slnower. -Put me down!
Honey, my moutln is dry.
Honey, I'm thirstv.
Here you go, honev.
When I said I was thirstv... .
. doesn't mean I want vou to bring me a glass of water.
It doesn't?
You're missing tlne point of my saying I'm tlnirsty.
If I have a problem, vou don't Inave to solve it.
Men alwavs think tlney can solve a woman's problem.
It makes them feel omnipotent.
Did vou Inave a bad dream?
It's how thev control women.
-Bringing them a glass of water? -Yes. I read it in a magazine.
If I'm thirstv, I don't want you to bring me a glass of water.
I want vou to svmpatlnize. I want vou to say:
"Gloria, I too know what it feels like to be tlnirsty.
l, too, have had a dry moutln."
I want vou to connect witln me... .
. ...tlnrougln understanding tlne concept of drymouthedness.
Tlnis is all in tlne same magazine?
You're into control.
Shut up.
You make me sick.
Honey, don't give me tlne rollover, okav?
When I sav I'm thirstv, it means if there's some water, I'd love a sip.
When I sav I want to make love, it means let's screw.
Tlnat's exactlv wlnat I tlnouglnt you would say.
Besides, I don't like the word "screw."
I prefer "make love" or "fuck."
"Screwing" is for carpenters.
You're gonna get it. Oh, Inoney.
-Wlnere are vou going? -Anywlnere.
Getting the Inell awav from vou, you psycho chiquita nutcase.
Come on, honev. Come back. I want to make love.
Honey, come back. I want to screw!
Forget vou, tlnen.
You piece of slnit.
Tlnat's him.
-It's the Stuccis! -The Stuccis! Oh, slnit!
How'd tlney find us?!
Hold on. Okay, all right, I got tlne money.
Go, honev, come on! Come on, honev, move.
-I'm alwavs waiting for you. -Slnut up!
-Wait for me! -Hurrv up!
Why are you so slow? I'm carrying evervtlning.
You want me to carrv you too?
We'd shoot you, Billy, but first we want tlne money.
-We've got your number now. -No escape!
Blueberry, cockle cherry Eevie ivey over
Mama's in the kitchen cooking rice Daddy's outside shooting dice
Baby in the cradle fast asleep Here comes mister with the H O T
Tlnis is a great Inouse. A great house.
But it's a little steep.
Sidney, we Inave to talk.
Excuse me.
-I want this house. -I want it too. But it's expensive.
-Thev want first, last, damages. -I'll get a job.
No, no, no. I got lots of jobs.
I got tlne cable thing, the roof thing, the paint tlning.
Construction is slow, but basketball puts food on the table.
Basketball isn't a real job.
It's late. I gotta go. I'm working on this new slnot.
I'm sure it's a gorgeous shot.
But I still want this house.
-Okay? -Okay.
Foul, foul!
All ball. All ball, no foul.
-You got mv Inand. -Your hand is part of the ball.
-You got mv wrist. -Part of tlne hand.
And tlne knee bone's connected to tlne dick bone.
-You fouled Robert. -You didn't even see the play.
Yo, you couldn't carrv my jockstrap in a suitcase.
Tlnis is Watts. I tlnouglnt vou Inad some ballplayers out Inere. Tlnis is shit.
I'm getting tired of your face.
Guess vour motlner tlnrew you out real young.
He's talking about your mama.
Nobodv talks about my mother.
Don't ever talk about mv mama. Me and any guv Inere can take vou.
How much vou want to roll?
Oh, my God. What is this?
Oh, my God! Look at this! It's a tlnousand dollars!
Oh, wait a minute, tlnere's more. What is this?
You rob a 7-1 1?
Eleven, twelve, tlnirteen. Wait, is there more?
Fourteen, fifteen.
-Is that vour rent monev? -Sixteen.
It's coming from evervwhere. Seventeen hundred dollars, baby.
And we get to pick your partner?
You can pick any of these stiffs out Inere. Anvbody. $ 1 7 00.
And don't talk about mv motlner.
-How about my man Inere? -No, no. I want tlnat guy.
-The wlnite boy? -Yealn, tlnat scraggly mother.
No, no, no. Fuck tlnat. Wait a minute.
I got $800. I just caslned my clneck for the rent.
-I got 50 bucks. -$ 1 7 00. Come up with it or walk.
Plav us for what we got.
Plav a tune on that bald Inead of yours.
Hey, man, Inold on.
-Hev. -How you doing?
-Wlnat's up? -You look so good today.
-Wlnat's up? -You're up. I need a diamond.
I told vou Ine was no good. When will you listen to me?
He was a dog from day one.
Trust me. We'll go to Zales after tlnis.
-Don't talk about mv boyfriend. -He's a dog.
Tlnis ain't no diamond. It's a zircon.
Okav. Let's say tlnis piece of slnit is worth 300 bills.
I'll put my $ 1 7 00 against your $ 1 1 50.
Tlnat's a bet!
Hey, give me mv monev!
I'll Inold it. I ain't going nowhere.
He ain't going nowhere. Tlne bakerv ain't open yet.
We plav to 1 0.
-That's a bet. -Let's do it.
We got a game to play.
Hey, Martlna Gralnam!
Martlna Gralnam!
Can vou play?
-Good pick, man. -You know it.
Tlnat's what I'm talking about. Go back to Sea World.
-You let Inim back-door vou. -I thought Ine was gonna pass.
Of course Ine wasn't...
D up, man.
You don't know wlnat D is.
Go, vou fucking Globetrotter.
Aren't vou gonna slnoot?
-He was on mv ass. -You were wide open.
I got $ 1 7 00 on tlne line. I won't force a shot.
Why are you kicking it to me?
-All right, I'm sorry. -You okay?
-Let's go. -You got it.
-Get me the ball. -It's 9-8, us. Point game.
-One more bucket, we get $ 1 700. -A bucket vou'll never see.
-You tried to Inustle us, but... -You gonna clnitchat or plav?
Get tlne fuck out.
You talking all this shit. Why don't vou take me to the Inole?
-I practice off people like you. -Just learn to plav.
Ball, ball.
I'll take vour monev, then I'll take your girl.
You're Inolding me.
All vou do is Inold people. You know, vou're disgusting.
Botln of vou, go back to Sea World!
Seventeen hundred!
Give me my money.
It was so nice just to Inold it for a while.
I am dead. I am dead.
I'm sorrv, man. I tlnouglnt I Inad it.
I'm dead. I'm dog meat. She is gonna dump me now.
I feel terrible. I had a lousv game.
We're better tlnan them. I've beat guys 1 0 times better tlnan that!
I know. It's my fault.
It's nobody's fault. Sometimes the ball just doesn't go down.
-You want a ride? -I'll take the rail.
You sure?
I gotta tlnink of how to tell Gloria I lost everything. ...
. ...and figure out wlnere I'm gonna sleep toniglnt.
Hey, Billy, I'm sorrv.
I mean it. I'm sorry.
"Tlnirty-nine" is the answer. What's the question?
"How manv books in tlne Old Testament?"
I am so fucking good.
-Did Jeopardy! call yet? -Not vet.
But I'll need a nice dress. When tlney call, vou gotta be ready.
Want to Inear the books of the Old Testament backwards?
-Malaclni, Zeclnariah, Haggai and... -Honev, please.
And I did "Famous Women" and "Foods Tlnat Start With Q."
You can't imagine how many foods actuallv start with tlne letter Q.
Will you please slnut up?
What's wrong with vou?
I lost the monev.
Oh, Jesus, Billy.
Not again.
-How mucln? -A lot of it.
Most of it.
Rouglnlv all of it.
You lost all our fucking money?
Shit, Billv! Jesus!
Seventeen hundred dollars. Billy!
We were on our wav to 8000.
Were your opponents that good?
No, I beat better guys in Brooklyn and Jersey.
-You missed your jump slnots? -No, I Init mine.
What about Sidnev?
He had an off day. He wasn't slnooting tlnat mucln.
His guy scored on him and he didn't... .
. ...D up. He usually plavs good D.
You got Inustled.
I did not get Inustled.
You got set up. You got Inustled bv Sidney.
-No. He's a good guv. -You said Ine was full of shit!
He's full of slnit and he's a good guy.
You're full of slnit, okav? Fuck that shit.
I'm going back to tlnat Inouse and get my fucking monev back.
No, no, no. Honev, a man cannot ask for his money back.
He lives in tlne jungle, riglnt?
No, Inoney, we can't.
Tlney don't let wlnite people in the Crenslnaw District.
And maybe not Puerto Ricans. It's reverse discrimination.
Let's see.
We drove Sidnev to Crenshaw and...
You don't understand how things work. Men understand Inow tlney work.
Wasn't there a big apartment Inouse?
Let me explain. Men's rules are verv simple.
If you win, you win. You lose, you lose.
But under no circumstances do vou ask for the monev back.
-Wlnv not? -It's not part of tlne rules.
Oh, yealn?
I got a different set of rules of mv own. Do you want to Inear them?
Here thev go: Sometimes when you win, you reallv lose.
And sometimes wlnen you lose, you reallv win.
Sometimes wlnen you win or lose, you actually tie.
And sometimes wlnen you tie, you actually win or lose.
I hate wlnen you talk like that. It makes me crazv.
Winning and losing is just a big organic globule. ...
. ...from wlnicln one takes wlnat one needs.
I'm fucked.
Forget it. I'm not getting off tlnis bus, Inoney.
I'm not getting off tlne bus. No. Stop!
Can we discuss it? Can we have a discussion?
Does Sidney Deane live here?
He does.
He's my husband.
Well, your husband stole $ 1 700 from mv boyfriend.
Just a minute.
Some people are here who sav you stole their monev. Come on in.
Oh, slnit.
No, babv, I didn't steal Inis monev. I hustled his money.
-Cindv Brady! -That girl is fine.
Cindy, wlnat Inappened?
What tlne fuck do vou want?
-Wlno invited you in, anywav? -I did.
-I want to talk to... ... -Gloria.
Baby, that man Inustled me long before I hustled him.
Tlnat's true. I saw the wlnole thing.
Damn skippv. So, wlnat goes around, comes around.
Tlnen you won't mind if Gloria and I talk. You want a drink?
-Yealn. -Come on.
Tlnis boy's got a lot of guts.
Billy Ho! It's good to see you, Billy! You look swell.
You fucked me, man.
Get tlne fuck out from in front of tlne Tv.
You fucked me! We Inad a partnership.
No, we were never partners. It goes like tlnis:
You eitlner smoke, or you get smoked.
And vou got smoked.
-Clean as mv gun. -Yes, it was.
-Smooth. -A thing of beautv is a joy forever.
-Did I get too deep on vou? -Would you make tlnis guy shut up?
I'm sorrv. I'll go back to tlne way you like me. I'm sorrv, I'm sorry.
I want mv monev back.
You're not getting it back.
-You're giving me mv monev back. -I'm giving vou nothing.
Tlney were teammates. Teammates can't Inustle eacln otlner.
-Really? Why not? -It's not artistic.
Let me tell vou. I don't care about art.
All I care about is getting out of tlne vista view... .
. ...because there ain't no vista, no views and ain't no vista of no views.
You want cream or sugar or wlnat?
I trusted vou. Tlnere are rules to hustling. There are etlnics.
Tlnat you wouldn't know a thing about.
I never shook anyone's hand and stabbed him in tlne back!
Tlne Indians slnook hands with tlne Pilgrims and look wlno got fucked.
Who you calling a Pilgrim?
-You, Columbus. -Gobble this, turkey.
I got a gun in mv Inand! What's wrong with vou?
Shoot this motherfucker.
Hold it. Byron for 20.
-Bvron for 20! -Slnoot tlne motherfucker.
-He's a traitor. -Come on.
Pop it, James! Yealn!
Tlnat's a black man. Tlnat's a black man.
Tlnrouglnout our glorious life togetlner. ...
. ...I bouglnt a car from tlne Stucci brothers for tlnree grand.
Turned out to be piece of shit, and I didn't pav.
So tlney told Billv, unless he got them their monev, tlney'd cut me up.
So he Inad to figure out a wav to get tlne money.
Tlne Stuccis decided to fix a basketball game.
Billy agreed. He got mad and didn't throw it... .
. ...and tlne Stuccis lost a bundle.
Wake up, girlfriend. It's vour boyfriend.
He's got problems.
He's just bad witln monev.
Look, the Stuccis are still after us.
Hey, Iney. It's a sad storv. It really is, and I'm sorry.
But I'm not giving vou the monev.
I miglnt, Inowever, be willing to discuss other arrangements.
There 's Dyan: -There's Kadeem.
Tlnat ain't Kadeem.
Tlnere's Eddie. I know Eddie.
-You know shit. -Listen up.
We have a solution.
-Tell tlnem to move. -You tell them. You think I'm crazy?
Here's tlne scenario:
Rhonda's returning some monev. We know how to get tlne rest.
So, wlnat you guvs need to do is kiss, make up. ...
Wag The Dog
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